Is there friendship between a man and a woman: psychology. Why friendship between a man and a woman does not exist, it is impossible: an explanation. Where is the boundary of friendship between a man and a woman: description. Cases of friendship between a man and a woman in literature: briefly
Some argue that it does not exist, others prove that it does exist. And everyone is able to give a lot of examples of their rightness. And it will never be possible to answer this question unambiguously. Because whether there really is friendship between a man and a woman, or is it just a situation where one loves and the other subconsciously takes advantage of it, has not been fully clarified. But there is always a chance to understand for yourself whether it exists.
Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
According to some psychologists, such a friendship is quite possible, but it can begin after an intimate relationship or end with it. When it arose after intimacy, which did not result in a long-term relationship, it can last a very long time and is considered the strongest. True, only in the case when the former partners broke up without mutual insults and reproaches, having decided that it was better for them to be friends and not date. But this happens quite rarely. In the same case, if it appeared without intimacy, and ends with it, it is impossible to save it, since either the man and the woman become a couple, or a breakup and separation occurs.
A separate situation is distinguished when friends are busy people: he is married, she is married. Most often, their halves suffer from it, since they subconsciously fear that it can develop into something more. Especially considering the nature of their communication. If they share absolutely everything, then when their couples have a disagreement, they will seek advice and support from a friend, instead of trying to immediately resolve differences with the people they love. And such behavior clearly does not strengthen the relationship with your husband or wife.
The wife is still capable of showing understanding, but husbands rarely approve of such communication. Most representatives of the stronger sex are sure that they can be friends with a woman for a fairly short time and only if they like her. So it is not surprising that once you get married, any too close communication with others ends. There are exceptions, and husbands do not prohibit communication with old friends, but these are isolated cases.
To allow your chosen one or chosen one to be friends with a friend of the opposite sex, you must have high self-esteem and self-confidence. Otherwise, serious worries, constant irritability, jealousy and a showdown for any reason are guaranteed.
Friendships that arise when people do not have the opportunity to start a relationship are considered quite strange. Usually these are colleagues, associates and people with partners. It can last a long time as long as there are common points of contact and business. At the same time, some psychologists are convinced that the presence of friendships does not prevent one from experiencing a certain attraction.
It is worth mentioning that the concept of “what is friendship with the opposite sex” is slightly different for men and women. The stronger sex is used to behaving like conquerors. Women for them are potential chosen ones and it doesn’t matter whether it’s for the night or long years. Even their friendship is filled with flirtation and a hint of closer acquaintance. And over time, it can develop into love, which will force him to be around all the time and further. The most interesting thing is that not everyone is able to immediately understand why they continue to be friends for many years.
As for the fair sex, women easily enjoy ordinary communication and are indeed capable of experiencing exclusively friendly feelings towards a man, and not just romantic ones. For them, a friend is just a friend, albeit of the opposite sex. Although girls are not immune from falling in love with a friend, or they specifically make friends with those with whom they are secretly in love. Hoping that someday they will see them and share feelings.
Photo: friendship between a man and a woman
Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
Another group of psychologists says this is impossible. Let there be those who say the opposite. Their opinion is based on the fact that female psychology is structured in such a way that when a woman is free, she subconsciously begins to look for a life partner. And she continues to live in this expectation until she meets him. She has close communication with any man only when he evokes positive emotions, she is pleased in his company, she feels interest and support on his part. And over time she gets used to having him around. He becomes the one who satisfies her need for a partner, even if the fair sex does not yet realize this.
Unlike women, the opposite sex always knows what he needs from a person. He knows who he wants to see next to him and what level of communication to build. A man is able to maintain such communication with a woman for several reasons: either he dreams of taking them to a closer level and becoming not a friend, but a groom, or he is just a friend with whom he can behave relaxedly, share some personal experiences, ask for advice, speak out and listen to what a wonderful person he is.
The woman turns into a kind of personal psychotherapist for him. The stronger sex is not used to going to psychologists, and everyone needs support and attention. And when there is little or not enough, a woman friend comes to the rescue. Male friends, of course, support each other, but it is often important for them to feel admiration from those whom they want to conquer, admire and conquer, i.e. from the fair half of humanity. Yes, and they also want to know all the secrets of his conquest, and who will help in this, if not a woman friend.
Of course, everyone benefits from such friendship, especially when both are single. It is pleasant for a girl to be in the company of a handsome guy, she is flattered to catch the glances of other girls on herself, although she is not his girlfriend, but pride is amusing. With him, she can discuss personal problems without fear that he will beat her boyfriend away from her. His help in the house is always useful. He will not say that she is fat, because he does not care, and if he secretly dreams of becoming her boyfriend, he will always make a compliment, which you will not expect from your friends. The fair sex considers each other rivals in the struggle for men's hearts, they want to be the best and they are not used to praising their friends.
But we must not forget that in friendships, if this is a person of the opposite sex, there is always a slight element of platonic love. It can not be in any other way. Friends - those people who approached us in temperament, often share common interests, life values, are always ready to help in difficult times. When people respect someone, they enjoy being around them, and they receive a lot of positive emotions from communication.
Therefore, it is not surprising that the majority do not believe that there can be friendship between a man and a woman. And there is a lot of evidence for this, such as: what common interests a girl and a guy can have. Do they enthusiastically discuss cars, motorcycles, sports, girls or boys they have met, or maybe makeup, clothes and the latest gossip?!
And when a lover or beloved appears on the horizon for one of them, jealousy immediately reminds itself of itself as soon as they communicate less. And we can say a hundred times that this is not true, but all people are owners by nature and it is very difficult for them when drastic changes burst into their usual way of life, which they did not strive for. If parents who understand that their children should not be alone all their lives, jealousy often arises that their beloved child now spends more time with another person and not with them, let alone friends.
Photo: friendship between a man and a woman
And even if at this moment none of them realizes that they have long been in love with their “friend,” their other halves will not approve of such close communication. Few girls will like the fact that her beloved runs at the first call to repair a faucet or move furniture. Because adults know that such close communication can cause a hormonal explosion that can end in bed.
The debate about whether men and women can truly be friends has continued for many years and never subsides. It was not possible to find an answer to this question. After all, a lot of examples in some situations prove that it exists and can last for many years, and in others that it does not exist and sooner or later everything turns into a relationship or separation. Therefore, everyone is free to decide for themselves whether it is possible or whether there can only be family, romantic or business relationships between representatives of the opposite sex.
“Friendship between a man and a woman is the relationship of former or future lovers,” Bernard Shaw used to say. “This is an impossible thing,” said Oscar Wilde. “Between a man and a woman there can be passion, enmity, adoration, love, but not friendship.” “If a man and a woman are friends, at least one of them secretly makes plans for the other,” the rumor goes. Is this so or are the classics, in company with folk wisdom, cruelly mistaken?
They say that friendship between a man and a woman is possible only in childhood
Friendship between a man and a woman: no chance?
Is friendship between a man and a woman strong and pure, “unclouded by sex”? As disappointing as it may be, psychologists believe that the chances of finding one are slim. The statistics are harsh: in approximately 90% of cases, such friendships end in bed, even if both partners sincerely believed that there was “nothing like that” between them.
Who is to blame for the fact that a relationship that began innocently ends up as a passionate love affair or an offensive fat spot? Let’s agree right away that we are not considering a situation in which friendship is used to cover up a way to stay close to the object of passion or to keep a fan in the friend zone who plays the role of an alternate airfield, because this is not friendship.
Relationships between a man and a woman always have a chance to develop into love.
True attachment is destroyed by other mechanisms.
1. Mental intimacy. It is not for nothing that psychology calls close friendship between a man and a woman latent intimacy. By revealing our secrets to someone and learning their secrets, discussing deeply personal issues, we, against our will, begin to experience a special affection for the person, which to many seems like love, and sometimes actually develops into it. This is especially true for women who tend to be led by emotions.
2. Lack of understanding with your romantic partner. Who can you go to for solace when your relationship with your loved one is cracking? Naturally, to a friend who will listen, support, and not judge. However, at this moment the intimate partner finds himself “overboard”: difficulties are not discussed with him, the problem is not solved, the gap widens, while the bonds of friendship grow stronger, gradually crowding out the former lover from the person’s life. The situation is aggravated by the jealousy of the partner, who feels that he is being neglected, and this only brings the breakup closer. Well, that’s where point one comes into play.
3. Instincts. Whatever you say, no one has canceled physiology, and in certain situations - for example, when both are heated with alcohol - a friend can unexpectedly transform into an attractive woman or a sexy guy. The only question is how it will end: the transition of the relationship to another level or repentance, shame and separation.
Interesting fact. According to a survey conducted by the Wisconsin Institute, almost 100% of men prefer to build friendships with women who are sexually attractive to them, even if they have no plans to take the relationship “on a horizontal plane.”
You can't fall in love with friends - where to put a comma
And yet exceptions happen
So, there is no friendship between a man and a woman?
Happens. The good thing about our relationship is that it is unpredictable and has thousands of possible development options. To be fair, it should be said that friendship between representatives of different sexes, which has not crossed the dangerous line and has not faded away over time, is an extremely rare phenomenon. But possible under certain conditions.
What circumstances increase the chances of a man and woman maintaining a strong attachment, not flavored with notes of intimacy?
1. One of them (usually a man) is gay - that is, the likelihood of a spark between friends is reduced to zero. Such was the relationship between the author of Breakfast at Tiffany's, Truman Capote, and his childhood friend Harper Lee, who wrote the acclaimed book To Kill a Mockingbird.
Risk: practically absent.
2. Both are happy in marriage or long-term reliable relationships with other people.
Risk: jealousy of a love partner, transfer of emotional affection from husband/wife to friend.
3. Friendship was born out of unsuccessful love relationships that ended without scandals or mutual accusations. The passion is satisfied, the former partner no longer acts as an object of sexual desire, but good memories and knowledge of each other’s ins and outs contribute to the establishment of intimacy.
Risk: one of the friends may have the idea of “starting over”, launching a new round of relationships according to the old scenario.
The temptation to return to the past may be too strong
4. Each of the partners experienced a painful love fiasco with another person in the past, and the rapprochement occurred on the basis of similar experiences.
Risk: On the basis of “we understand each other so well,” many couples who were previously connected by friendship came together.
5. Both partners are in adulthood, when hormones no longer control a person’s actions with the same force, superficial connections have been eliminated, but bonds with those people who are truly interesting and close have strengthened.
Risk: Love for all ages. Even in a nursing home, serious passions sometimes boil over.
6. A significant age difference led to the birth of patronage friendship that occurs when one of the partners, as it were, takes on the function of a parent and takes care of a less experienced ward. It can be assumed that it was on this basis that the relationship between Mark Twain and the deaf-blind writer Helen Keller, who was the daughter of her eminent friend, was born.
Risk: and such a friendship is not immune from flowing into a completely different plane, say, a love affair of the "parent-child" type.
How to distinguish love from friendly affection
Sometimes it can be difficult for us to understand even our own emotions.
How to understand if there is friendship between a man and a woman, or is there a more ardent feeling behind it? After all, it often happens that we ourselves do not know our desires, taking a veiled sexual attraction for an innocent interest in a person’s personality?
Try conducting a miniature session of self-psychoanalysis and answer your questions honestly.
1. How do you feel about your friend’s intimate partners? Have you ever caught yourself in fits of jealousy, dressed in the noble form of “could/could have found something better”? Haven’t you yourself heard attacks against your loved ones?
2. Do you contribute equally to the relationship? If one of two friends is ready to rush to help at any time of the day or night, while the second only accepts his care without giving anything in return, it means that the first either fell into the trap of a clever manipulator, or hopes to earn something more with his altruism than friendship.
3. Are hints of intimacy typical of your communication style: kisses on the cheek, hugs, regular pats on the back, light flirting, conversations and jokes about sex?
4. Do you spend more time with your boyfriend/girlfriend than with your significant other?
If you firmly answered “No-Yes-No-No,” there is a chance that you were among those lucky 10% of men and women who have known the bonds of true friendship. If in doubt, there is something to think about.
Love has come, what should I do?
Continuing to feign friendship while falling in love is an activity for a masochist
We are connected with friends by spiritual closeness, common interests, mutual respect and the opportunity to be ourselves without trying to impress others. This is an excellent basis for the birth of love in a couple who is not bound by one gender.
A favorable forecast for the development of events: each of you will find in the other an understanding, time-tested loved one.
Unfavorable: The partner will not reciprocate and one of you will leave the relationship with a broken heart.
What to do when you realize that a former friendship is ripe to develop into love? If you:
- both are free;
- don't be afraid to take risks -
- risk having a frank conversation, after which the relationship will either end (but with little bloodshed and before things go too far), or love will take its place.
However, think thrice if:
- one of you is currently in a relationship;
- you are not sure of your feelings.
Here it is much wiser to take a break and find a plausible reason to temporarily cut off contact with a friend or girlfriend who has brought confusion to your feelings. Without meeting, without talking on the phone and without exchanging SMS, you are more likely to understand yourself and make the right decision - love or friendship.
Video: Is friendship possible between a guy and a girl?
Useful video from Denis Kostash:
Despite the quotes from the classics cited at the beginning of the article about the impossibility of friendship between a man and a woman, history has often proven the opposite to us. And no matter what statistics, psychology and personal experience broadcast, exceptions to the rule always happen. No one can say what the future holds for your friendship. Do you value her? So keep being friends and see how it ends. Perhaps you are destined to break the statistics of psychologists?
We talked about this with expert in the field of interpersonal relationships, practicing psychologist, Yulia Kuzmina.
Maya Milich, “AiF.ru”: Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
Yulia Kuzmina: Friendship between a man and a woman does not exist. Most often, a woman then suffers from such relationships. If a woman is free, then she is in search of her boyfriend, and is always in certain expectations. Starting to communicate with a man, she begins to get used to his presence. A man is designed in such a way that he immediately determines what he wants or does not want from a person. Of course, unless he has a hidden intention to have some kind of on-duty or “weekend” relationship. A man understands himself better, who he needs, and he is more likely to allow a female friend to be close to him. Most often, what a woman calls friendship is more like friendship without obligations for a man.
Even after an affair has already taken place, it is best to transform the relationship into a friendly one and understand that there is no friendship between a man and a woman. There are friendships. You need to understand that an element of friendship is still respect, some kind of interaction.
M.M., “AiF.ru”: So friends of opposite sexes always balance on the brink of falling in love on one side or the other?
Yu.K.: Certainly. You can't command nature. In theory, falling in love can be on both sides, and some things can be completely unconscious. Our consciousness is largely responsible for friendship and respect, and it lays down some things, like: “No, I decided to be alone,” or the girl says: “I’m currently looking.” At the same time, a memory of a specific person may still live in her soul, but her soul is already asking for a new object. And when a new harmless object appears who treats her with respect and understands her, then the woman begins to develop a certain inner feeling and desire for that same love.
In addition, friends cannot help but like each other's appearance. Friends are people with whom we unconsciously share interests, outlook on life, temperament or approach to life.
Learning to be friends
M.M., “AiF.ru”: How can a married man properly build his relationship with a female friend so that his wife does not get jealous? That is, to maintain only friendly relations and not allow a woman to become an “alternate airfield”?
Yu.K.: If you are married and you already have a female friend, then at least it is worth clearly understanding that you have already officially decided on your positions regarding each other.
But the fact is that men are somewhat gullible. They believe that if they once agreed with a woman to be friends, then they can tell her about their love and personal affairs, and consult. But, if you have a wife or just a lover, then the main advice to a man is to very carefully, prudently, and from time to time check with your female friend that between you there is friendship and only friendship. It is very important to maintain and maintain distance, so that later there is no “cold” war, so that one day you don’t have to tell a woman friend: “I don’t know what you came up with for yourself.” Because a woman may perceive your friendship as a promise of something more, and in the end it will be you who will become uncomfortable in this relationship, the entire burden of guilt and personal dissatisfaction will be on you.
Every girl, sooner or later, may have the idea that such a wonderful, wonderful man can be more than a friend to her. And the gender mechanism will turn on, flirting will begin. These are all steps in one direction - desire, passion and love.
Therefore, in friendship with a woman, it is important to keep your distance and periodically clarify the format of the relationship, because a woman lives and acts more unconsciously. Therefore, for her, the transition from friendship to love can happen unconsciously and without warning. And if this happens, then it will be you who she will complain about.
M.M., “AiF.ru”: What can friendship with a woman give a man?
Yu.K.: I’m probably going to say a terrible thing now, but this is the same thing that communication with a psychologist gives: relaxation, understanding of something that a man is interested in in a gender issue, emotional support, “swaddling”, when, for example, a woman says: “ Yes, she didn't appreciate you. You're so cool".
It's certainly awash in support. Some part of what I called can be called the word “vest”, but there are different phases of emotional support when a man comes and talks. What do friends usually say? “Don’t worry. Nonsense. She will appreciate you later.” A girl will say the same thing to her friend, but we support our friends.
Of course, friendship with a woman is an expansion of competence. A man, communicating with a female friend, begins to receive more information about the world of women in general. About how to be popular correctly, how to manipulate correctly. We ourselves tell important secrets about ourselves to our male friends. And they, reading between the lines, understand how they can influence us to achieve what they want faster and easier.
“Friendship is not work! Friends don’t have days off!” — A popular children's group sings. “You don’t have to have friends, you have to be friends with them,” says modern folk wisdom. You can't argue with statements when it comes to friendship between two men or two women. But when it comes to opposite-sex friendships between a man and a woman, many questions and many opposing opinions arise. Let's try to figure out this ambiguous question: does friendship exist between a man and a woman?
Psychologists say that friendship between a man and a woman either begins or ends with sex. That is, either a man and a woman were lovers at first, and then for some reason they broke up, but remained on friendly or even friendly terms. Psychologists call this kind of friendship the strongest.
If a man and a woman are friends, but they have not had an intimate relationship, then sooner or later, according to experts, they will. Only in this case, after intimacy, friendship most often comes to an end: either it develops into a love relationship, or there is a complete break in any relationship at all. A more complicated situation arises when a married woman and a married man are friends. In this case, the spouses of friends who have crossed the threshold of what is permissible from the point of view of moral principles also suffer.
Psychologists also identify a third type of friendship between a man and a woman, calling it an “unnatural form of relationship.” This is when people like each other, but for some reason they cannot become lovers. Most often, this kind of friendship happens among work colleagues, associates in some interests or hobbies, as well as between two married couples, the so-called friendship “at home”. Such friendship can be quite long.
At the same time, there are psychologists who believe that "being attracted to each other does not mean being incapable of friendship." This, in their opinion, is a natural reaction of the body, characteristic of friendship between a man and a woman.
Most men are by nature males, conquerors. They see any woman that is attractive to them as a potential couple for themselves (for the night, for a month, for life). Friendship on their part always has a slight (and sometimes unambiguous) hint of flirting and readiness for intimacy is not at all friendly. And women, for the most part, on the contrary, can enjoy simple communication. A male friend interests them solely from the point of view of personality, and not from the point of view of gender. However, there are very few men who will simply like to communicate with a woman. This is probably why true friendship between a man and a woman is so rare.
Is there friendship between a man and a woman? Everyone answers this question based on personal experience. And for those women who have male friends and want to keep them for a long time, psychologists advise following a number of rules:
- Firstly, you must try not to arouse romantic feelings in yourself and your friend. Frequent friendly hugs and kisses, gentle touches, etc. are excluded. You shouldn’t even allow yourself to have romantic dreams about a male friend.
- Secondly, it is necessary to avoid ambiguous words and situations. In particular, spend as little time alone as possible, and communicate better with other people. It is also better not to start conversations on too frank topics - they are fraught with danger.
- And thirdly, do not give in to jealousy, but respect the privacy of your male friend.
Larisa 32 years old, tourism manager:
Yes, friendship between a man and a woman exists. I know this for sure. I have a male friend (not gay, but a heterosexual man). We met 15 years ago at the institute. There was never a hint of flirting between us, we never made eyes at each other... and were not consoled in hugs. We fell in love with someone, everyone always knew about each other, all the romances were in front of each other. He's like a brother to me. It is important. You can consult with him - get a man’s view of the situation, the problem and all possible help in solving it. He often helps me with absolutely non-standard advice and supports me in difficult situations. He is happily married. Got married not long ago. And I was afraid that my wife would not accept my friend. I was worried that we would stop communicating... But everything worked out, he introduced me to his wife and she, an intelligent woman, perceives our friendship absolutely normally.
Tatyana 31 years old, salesperson:
Yes it exists! But this happens very, very rarely. I have a friend. It’s like with a brother, even to him you can say things that you shouldn’t tell your brother. There can be friendship between a woman and a man if they grew up together. Like mine.
Alina 30 years old, housewife:
In general, my firm belief is that friendship between a man and a woman exists, but either it began with sex, or it will definitely end with it. In any case, there was sex or there will be sex!!! Men have always been friends, but after I got married, I try not to communicate with them, and I don’t make new ones.
Olga 26 years old, lawyer:
I have a man friend! He is the best! There is only friendship between us, but it is very strong. We have been friends for a long time, many years, our other halves are also best friends. But true friendship is possible only if certain conditions are met, there should be no threat of marriage destruction and jealousy, as well as confidence in your loved one and trust!
Ilona 32 years old, housewife:
I am sure that friendship between a man and a woman does not exist, this is not what nature intended. Any friendship will sooner or later develop into something intimate.
Elena 28 years old, teacher:
I believe that intergender friendship does not exist. That's for sure! One way or another, you will experience feelings that are not at all friendly. Checked on myself.
Oksana 32 years old, housewife:
I had and still have male friends. One of them is my godfather, my daughter’s godfather. My husband’s brother is also now my relative. Our friendship in the past has now grown into a family relationship. They are already like brothers to me. What friendship is manifested in is how it should be manifested - in mutual assistance and support.
Julia 30 years old, manager:
I think that there is no sincere friendship between a man and a woman. At least in my experience. All my friendly outbursts with men boiled down to the fact that they needed a continuation, and rare men agree to remain just friends. Although, there is one copy - my husband. He has a lot of women with whom he is friends and helps them, and they help him and they are friends with me.
Larisa 31 years old, housewife:
I think there are friends and comrades, yes. But a friend, just like a girlfriend, with whom you can discuss everything and cry, you won’t get that from a man. I have such friends and comrades from college. We are always happy to see each other; when we meet, we always hug, kiss on the cheek, talk about the brightest and most pleasant moments of our lives, but we never open up. But friendship in the full sense of the word, in my opinion, cannot exist, because... one of the parties will still have some feelings, because a friend is more than a relative, closer than parents, he is nearby for almost 24 hours.
Inga 43 years old, teacher:
I have a lot of male friends. Friendship with everyone is different, it all depends on the man with whom you are friends. It turns out that you are establishing a distance in communication for them, because men still, one way or another, begin to view you as an object with whom they can have more than just friendly meetings. It all depends on the woman herself - whether to let her in or keep her at a friendly distance.
In the vast expanses of the Internet, one quatrain accidentally caught my eye. Unfortunately, the author could not be identified. In my opinion, this little poem very well describes the specifics of friendship between a man and a woman.
When a man and a woman are friends,
Everything is very simple, but incredibly difficult.
After all, many things are practically impossible,
Although, theoretically possible...
Friendship between a man and a woman is a popular controversial issue that involves many zealous opponents and supporters in its discussion. Arguing about whether there are real friendly relations between men and the fairer sex, some are convinced that friendship is possible, others are convinced that, a priori, friendly relations between a man and a woman do not exist. What are the signs of friendship between a man and a woman? It is worth separating the friendship that we know between people of the same sex and friendship of different sexes.
You can spend time with a friend of the opposite sex while keeping a distance, but sharing a shared hotel room or relaxing with strong drinks can take you out of the bounds of friendship. Natural instincts play a role when they are not suppressed by illness, age or unconventional orientation of one. Proponents of the idea that there are no friendly relations between a man and a woman put forward the hidden intimacy of opposite-sex friends as their main argument.
The exception is the communication of former lovers who have fully satisfied their sexual interest, for example, having lived together for a long time. And here outbreaks of the former sympathy of partners are likely. It is not for nothing that it is known that such friendship weakens with the coming of night. Physiology takes its toll, at a certain stage it begins to move forward. Therefore, they say that close friendship, such as it happens between two women, two men who completely trust, is impossible with a person of a different sex, if the friends are not spouses in the past or one is not homosexual. You may overlap with co-workers or classmates, but the relationship will be long-distance, with a significant amount of conventions, more friendly than intimate.
Many girls who want to make friends with guys, but not be harassed by them, choose gay men as friends, which contains a number of advantages for the latter. They usually have a narcissistic character, have the same interests as girls, are emotional, also focused on beauty and can keep company, give advice and an unbiased opinion. They do not compete with girls for the attention of heterosexual men. Such a friend can take a successful photo, recommend a beautiful hairstyle - unlike often with girlfriends, his motive will not be envy. Narcissistic women who cannot stand competition often make friends with homosexuals.
Friendship has a chance when he is your ex-husband, if you have lived together for a long time. You broke up, but each of you knows the other well, perhaps you have a child, work, friends. You perceive him in the role of a relative, not as an interesting object that you want to conquer or make a special impression. However, it happens that the former relationship did not actually end, as psychologists say, the gestalt did not close, one side or even both cherish the hope of reviving the relationship. Here friendship is again under threat.
In other cases, the friendship is short-lived, either it is destroyed, or a couple forms and the relationship continues, but in a close way. At least one almost always feels sympathy, which, it seems to him, he has no right to admit, since then the current relationship will collapse. If you are just that friend who is afraid to open up his feelings, experience suggests that it is better to make a confession, even if it is difficult, but necessary. When the other one is truly a friend, you will be understood, and together you will come to the right decision, either not to communicate at all, wasting time, cherishing yourself with hopes, or continue to communicate, accepting sympathy, or become a couple altogether when the feelings are reciprocated.
Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
Often, the other half expresses dissatisfaction with their partner’s friendships with people of the opposite sex, and this is justified for the reasons discussed above. As we understand, the mandatory conditions, the actual signs of friendship between a man and a woman, are precisely the end of a close relationship between them or the homosexuality of one party.
Is friendship possible between a man and a woman? Experienced people say that what has the appearance of heterosexual friendship is, on a subtle level, a relationship. If a woman trusts a man, he is close to her emotionally - she, albeit unconsciously, perceives him as a lover. Yes, there is no intimate relationship with him, perhaps, but she is so close to him mentally, she opens her thoughts and heart to him, they have such a warm relationship that such friendship begins to crowd out relationships with other men.
A woman by nature is focused on one man; as is known, she is monogamous. If a woman is friends with someone else’s man, then she will no longer be friends with her husband. Since a girl can have only one soulmate, for a good relationship it must be her husband. A woman who has a friend who is not her husband can have common affairs with her husband, have sex, but cannot fully love him. Therefore, it is believed that when a woman has a friend outside the family, the family is already partially destroyed, the husband does not control the situation, and there is only a small drop left before divorce. A woman has a strong need to open her soul, to tell a man about her experiences - when she does this, she receives intimate happiness, feels protected, supported and cared for. By nature, a girl cannot reveal herself to two men at the same time.
It is also impossible for a husband to have a strong family and girlfriends. If a man is heterosexual, healthy, has a lot of energy, he simply won’t be able to be friends, since he will be attached either emotionally or physically, he will like his girlfriend’s character, appearance or manners. When a man is looking for a girlfriend, his goal in communicating with her is to relax, relax, and find understanding. It becomes easier for a man to live, calmer. At home, he will no longer be so trusting with his wife; he will behave coldly.
If you are looking for an answer to whether there is friendship between a man and a woman, know that with close, confidential communication between friends of different sexes of the same age, they experience intimate attraction, even if subtle and unexpressed. Experiencing such warm, essentially loving feelings, you open your heart to him. In fact, these relationships are closer to marital than to friendship.
Friendship between a man and a woman - psychology
Friendship in its purest form as a relationship, from which the theme of gender relations, intimacy, in particular, is completely encapsulated, is possible from a psychological point of view, but in a very limited number of cases. And, in principle, undesirable.
What are the signs of friendship between a man and a woman? It exists only for lonely people, because otherwise friendship will be a provocation of jealousy and breakup.
A number of life examples show that opposite-sex friendships are accompanied by sympathy and often develop into relationships. When a girl, for example, has a boyfriend and a close friend, then at the first conflict with the guy she will begin to reach out to her friend as an understanding man who is always on her side. Perhaps she will later find in this friend consolation, affection, care and, subsequently, love. Therefore, a friend often unconsciously acts as an alternate airfield. Or an unscrupulous girl can dynamite a man, keeping him close as a friend, if he is disposed towards her as a woman, pays bills in a cafe, looks after her and patronizes her. Moreover, in return he does not receive treatment as a man, although by his actions he shows that he is counting on him. After analyzing, in the revealed motives of the girl’s behavior we will find a desire to protect ourselves from failures, a break with the current partner, often.
If a girl or guy is accustomed to such an arrangement, when they have a partner and at the same time a close friend or a girlfriend on the side, one can even consider this as a psychological structure, a chosen role model. Such a triangle unfolds well through Karpman’s theory, where one of the participants acts as a persecutor, another as a victim, and a third as a rescuer. The destructiveness of following such a model lies in the fact that the participants in the triangle necessarily change roles, which forms a vicious system.
When your relationship partner is looking for friendship with the opposite sex, this is a sign for you that you are not giving him something, it shows him what you need to work on. But the partner must also have a desire to understand his desires, engage in dialogue and strengthen, and not continue to destroy, the relationship. Or, if the relationship is young, the partners have not yet gotten used to it, everyone is as they are without changes - friends can serve as an outlet, a release, people who are on the side of each of you. However, if you continue to trust your friend more than your significant other, and get closer to your friend, the relationship will not happen, it will soon end.
Friendship between a man and a woman - the opinion of men
Men more often do not believe that friendship between a man and a woman is possible, because they have experienced its fragility from their own experience - their gender is more clearly manifested. He almost always has an intimate interest in a woman with whom a man communicates closely. Even communication with a childhood friend in adulthood develops into communication between an adult man and woman; under the right circumstances, the man will see a seductive object in his friend.
Whereas a young, romantically inclined woman may initially seek higher contact, communication, emotional intimacy, which more easily takes the form of friendship. That's why girls are drawn to friendship with guys - it has greater closeness, the degree of intimacy is higher, the relationship is intense, complementary, because they are based on the strength of the libido.
Experienced men, who themselves have encountered attempts at such friendships, are skeptical about the situation when their girlfriend trusts friendship with guys, and even if she acquires a similar friend for herself, they sometimes lose their temper and try in every possible way to end such relationships, they know that this is so their girl's so-called friend is in fact a candidate for her heart or seeks an intimate relationship. The man tries to explain this to the girl or even her friend, and starts a conversation like a man.
If a man is serious about his girlfriend, he wants her to be completely his. I don’t mean just the body, but also the soul and mind. Friendship as spiritual love takes a girl out of a relationship, leaving only intimacy with her partner, however, even that often ends over time in this format, as the woman moves away. If a girl makes a friend, she should think about the fact that on the spiritual plane she no longer loves her man and is not disposed towards him.
In countries with stricter rules and a patriarchal mentality, gender friendship does not exist as a concept. This order allows the man to reduce stress and focus on achievements. A large degree of freedom often generates, burning most of the energy in a relationship.
An idealistic attitude towards opposite-sex friendships usually goes away with age, experience shows the opposite, friendships turn out to be short-lived and are destroyed or flow into personal relationships. Moreover, girls often retain nostalgic memories of such friends and easy communication, on the basis of which there was understanding, emotional intimacy and spending time together. Since this is what a woman wants from love, friendship can be analyzed as a prelude to it. The reluctance to see sexual instinct in such friendship can only be a consequence of ignorance of oneself and the opposite sex or cunning.
A man, under the guise of friendship, often hides his sympathy for a girl, the desire to achieve her without a chance. Therefore, he agrees to be in the friend zone, hoping that the right moment for courtship will come, or the girl herself will pay attention to him. Such friendship often turns out to be the most pleasant for a girl - a man subtly looks after her, cares, is ready to help out, solve problems, while the format of the relationship does not allow him to encroach on her space or intimacy with her. At the same time, a girl can guess about the guy’s true motivation, but, while maintaining her benefits, not give up the relationship with him and not clarify it.
