What to do if a child is lying: reasons, methods of education, advice from psychologists. Why does a child lie: reasons for children's lies, what to do about it

Children are such dreamers that the best fairy tale writers in the world would envy their stories. It is simply impossible not to believe in children's stories - how could it be otherwise, because they do not know how to deceive for profit. Or do they know how? No matter how sad it may sound, toddlers deceive adults much more often than one might imagine. Here are the statistics for clarity: scientists have found that at the age of three years a child lies once every two hours, and already at the age of 6 years he tells a lie two or even three times during the same time. Based on these data, it is easy to guess that the older the baby gets, the more often he cheats, and as he grows up, he begins to do it consciously. What should parents do if they are faced with the problem of children's deception? Is there any way to stop your child from lying?

Sources of lies

If we approach the problem from the scientific side, i.e. From a psychological point of view, we can identify the following main reasons why a child began to lie:

1. Lies for the sake of image. Most often, children begin to deceive not because they have set themselves the goal of intentionally hiding something, but because such a reality seems more attractive to them in their eyes. As a rule, this “works” in front of peers, for whom, in fact, the embellished story is invented. For example, my sister moved to live in America, and my dad is a big businessman and earns a million a day. Such stories from the lips of a child, of course, sound funny to an adult, but to a peer who did not think of presenting each of his family members in this way, the story will seem very plausible.

2. Fear. One of the most common reasons why a child lies to his parents. In this case, the baby is simply afraid of a cause-and-effect relationship - in other words, he understands that he did wrong and thinks that if he tells the truth, he will simply be punished. In addition to fear of punishment, a child may also lie because he is afraid of disappointing or upsetting his loved ones. In such situations, psychologists advise paying attention to relationships in the family, which have probably suffered serious cracks.

3. Mistaken growing up. The desire to grow up quickly often pushes a child to lie to his parents. Moreover, older members of the household may not even suspect that they are the ones setting the bad example. For example, a dad’s banal lie about what he’s doing now, if his mom asks about it, or a request from one of the family members to lie on the phone that he’s not at home - all this can be deposited in the baby’s mind as an integral part of everyday life or as an element communication.

4. Deception as a way to maneuver between dad and mom(or other family members). This type of childish lie appears when unfriendly relationships develop in the family for some reason. Here's an example: Mom doesn't get along with her mother-in-law. They often argue among themselves, sometimes even for no apparent reason, and they do it in front of a child who does not understand anything. In order not to upset the mother, the child agrees with her opinion about the grandmother’s actions, and in order to remain among the grandmother’s favorites, the baby agrees with her in everything. And so that dad doesn’t get upset once again about the bad relationship between mom and grandma, he has to deceive him too.

5. Lying as a way to attract the attention of adults. When a child feels a lack of attention from the people closest to him, he experiences stress. The way out of the situation for him is to lie. Often this deception is revealed by parents and they, in turn, punish the child. But he still feels a sense of satisfaction - they paid attention to him, and that’s exactly what he needed.

6. Lies as protest. Reaching the most difficult age for parents - 12-13 years old, the child realizes that he no longer needs to tell mom and dad about everything. He considers himself old enough and independent, so from now on he has the right to make decisions on his own. As a result, everything does not always end the way the teenager planned for himself, and, of course, mom and dad shouldn’t know about this.

Naturally, these are not all the reasons why a child lies. As psychologists are sure, every child’s lie has its own reasons, and it is impossible to consider them through the standard prism of reasons - each case is unique and must be considered individually.

How can you tell if your child is lying?

Although children tend to deceive their parents, they still do not know how to do it as skillfully and perfectly as, for example, politicians. Recognizing that a child is lying is not so difficult - the main thing is to take a close look at how he says it and what he does. Signs of a child's lie are as follows:

When a child cheats, he will never look you in the eye. If you want to “see through” him, then ask him not to take his eyes off you - believe me, at the very first sentence you will understand that the child is lying.
When a baby cheats, even consciously, he still feels insecure and uncomfortable. Therefore, he shifts from foot to foot and constantly scratches himself first on the head, then on the arm, or on the eyes, forehead, and neck.

If the baby constantly stumbles during his story/answer to the parent’s question, then this is a warning sign for you that he, most likely, is not telling you the whole truth.
Do you doubt that you heard the truth from your child? Ask him to repeat everything he said - if the answer was thought up spontaneously, it is unlikely that he had time to remember the sequence in his story.
If a child is lying, his facial expression will change, and his cheeks are likely to turn red.
The baby brings his finger to his mouth or nose - these will not be forced movements, but reflexive ones, and they will symbolize his lies.
When a baby's hands are always behind his back or in his pockets, this may indicate his desire to hide something from his parent.

What should parents do if their child constantly lies?

How to teach a child not to lie? Is it possible to somehow combat his constant deception? Psychologists already have answers to these questions. But it doesn’t look like it’s in the format of what needs to be done, but rather what not to do. The psychologists' advice is as follows:

1. You cannot punish a child for lying.(this refers not only to corporal punishment, but also to shouting at him) - he will perceive this as a result of the fact that you found out the truth somehow. This can lead to the fact that the relationship “if they find out the truth, then they will shout at me” becomes firmly entrenched in his subconscious, which in fact will push him to constantly lie. Try to explain to your baby that lying is bad, because it is much better to be honest and open with your parents (it is important to do this calmly and without shouting).

2. Forcing a child to tell the truth by frightening him with some kind of punishment, for example, a week without computer games, etc., is not a solution. On pain of punishment, he is unlikely to confess anything to you; on the contrary, he may even close himself off from you. There is definitely no need to do this.

3. There is no need to reduce education to constant prohibitions. Judge for yourself, if you forbid him everything, then he will certainly find a loophole to what he wants through lies.

4. In no case don't get hung up only on the positive emotions of the baby. Even if he expresses negative emotions for some reason (bad grade, quarrel with a friend), then they should also be perceived by you as the norm. If a child sees that his bad mood somehow upsets or even angers you, then he will hide it from you, much less tell the truth about what happened to him.

5. If your child starts lying all the time, then maybe you have chosen the wrong parenting method. Straight Talk at the right moment it will help you figure out what you are doing wrong.

6. Try to teach your baby eliminate the results of misconduct. Establish this rule with him: if you break or break something, you don’t need to lie about it, it’s better to put away what you broke or fix what you broke. In any situation, it is best to admit what you have done - you will not be scolded or punished if you tell the truth!

7. Always remain an authority for your child and subject to follow. Teach your child to be honest in everything: tell your loved ones at a family dinner about how your day went, use the expression “I want to confess to you...” as often as possible - all this will help to clearly show the child that being honest with your family is wonderful.

8. Praise the child for his honesty. Agree, it’s better to once again tell him “Well done!” for honest confession, rather than constantly punishing misdeeds.

And most importantly, realize that we all start lying not because we want to hide something. This skill is inherent in us by nature, and only we can “tame” it. But children, due to their small age, do not yet know how to do this, and without your proper upbringing and sensitive supervision, their naive fantasies will quickly develop into constant lies.

what to do if a child starts lying at age 10

too late))))))
Lying back to him, at least it had an effect on me at 12
From the age of seven to fifteen, children's lies can either progress or, conversely, be corrected with parental help. Any child psychologist will say that the main reason for children's lies is parental pressure, excessive demands and strict prohibitions. Trying to avoid punishment for an offense, the child tells a lie, and later, having received retribution for his lie, resorts to increasingly sophisticated methods of deception. This creates a vicious circle.
A few basic rules can serve as competent prevention.
First, avoid any aggression (even to the point of increased intonation when speaking), second, shame correctly: reprimand for an offense, and do not evaluate a small person.
Often, parents themselves provoke lies, not adhering to the basic rules of honesty and tact. Thus, forgotten money or missing keys become an excellent reason to accuse a child who has once been caught in insincerity. By blaming a child for the loss, adults unknowingly transfer their mistake onto him. It is a rare adult who, realizing later that the claims were groundless, admits his irresponsibility and apologizes to the child.

A child acquires a reputation as a liar at the instigation of adults. Therefore, constant suspicions or reminders of once-committed offenses are unacceptable, since on a subconscious level they reinforce the role of a deceiver in the child. Moms and dads should clearly understand that even an inveterate liar always has a chance for rehabilitation.
From 6 years and older: closer to the age of six, when logical thinking is formed, children can distinguish truth from falsehood. At this age, the child already understands that lying is bad. According to psychologists, from this moment on, children’s lies reflect the psychological distress of the liar himself.
Fear gives birth to lies
To the question Why do children lie? psychologists answer that in eight cases out of ten, deception is a defensive reaction of the child’s psyche: most children hide the truth out of fear of being punished. Moreover, in the eyes of a child, mother’s disappointment is also considered emotional punishment. Frequent concealment of school progress is the result of a child's fear of not meeting parental requirements. In addition to the statement, lies are born out of fear, there are other explanations.

Lies-imitation: if you ask a child to answer on the phone that you are not at home, or do not buy a child’s ticket on public transport, passing off a seven-year-old child as a five-year-old, then you are legitimizing the lie. Once having discovered parental deception, the child will unmistakably learn that it is possible to lie, and his further honesty will be of an equally relative nature.
Lie-manipulation: characteristic of older children (after 6 years), it is a continuation of the lie-saving from punishment. Having successfully deceived his parents out of fear, the child understands that his invented good grades or shifting the blame to his deskmate are more desirable for his mother than the real truth. Having learned to control his mother’s mood with the help of deception, the child gradually practices the technology of lying on everyone around him (peers, teachers), quickly progressing into a chronic liar.
Lies-bragging: children's bragging about non-existent achievements (good grades, physical strength), most often is compensation for a deficiency of parental love. According to psychologists, a boastful liar is an underpraised child and a victim of adults’ vanity (mother’s dream of an excellent daughter and father’s desire to have a courageous son).
Explain to him that if you constantly lie, you can simply lose the trust of people. That his lies are unpleasant to others. Ask if he likes to be deceived. Or try to somehow teach him a lesson himself, for example, he will ask about some important thing for him, and you will lie. and then, when everything is revealed, say that they did it on purpose and that there was a reason.
Well, yes, by the way, maybe, indeed, from the severity of the VRT. Because of this, I also lied when I was 6-8 years old.
The reason why people lie is fear of consequences or fear of what others will think if they tell the truth. It is natural that people want to please others and want to be treated well. However, sometimes this desire prompts them to distort the truth, even just a little, to cover up mistakes, omit unflattering details, or create a good impression of themselves.
Children lie because they are often scolded. Try to change your attitude towards them, look at the world through the eyes of a child: the lessons are very difficult, they are pressed at school, they are pressed at home, and they have a loophole: lies.
Be glad that your child’s thinking is developing normally
...he was late with you; they start earlier... it means there is no faith in you....
Lying is also the experience of a person who is just learning everything. This will also be useful in life. The main thing is to learn to separate lies for good and without, and always be aware of who you are lying to and how it can turn out. This will also come with time. (I'm not an expert, this is my personal opinion). We are all time, and we also learned this a long time ago :)))

What our kids can’t come up with! Even a storyteller would envy their imagination!

Surely all parents have already encountered the first fictitious or embellished stories of their little ones. But the moment comes when you realize that the child no longer just fantasizes , but develops his abilities as a professional liar.

Then parents begin to worry, not knowing how to wean their child from such an unpleasant habit. Often we don't think about what it is our attitude, upbringing or reaction to that aggravates the problem.

Why does a child lie?

If a growing child begins to deceive his parents more often, most likely he stopped trusting them or is simply afraid of a negative reaction for a misdemeanor. It is very important for him to know that you will not scold him. Express dissatisfaction with the child’s actions, not with him as a person.

Scientists have found that a 4-year-old child lies about once every two hours, and a six-year-old child lies every 90 minutes. Lying “through the mouth of a baby” appears at 3 years old, and by 4-6 years old children achieve perfection in this.

I am afraid of you!

The most common reason for children's lying is fear of parental screaming or punishment . When the child realized that because of a broken toy, his mother would scold him (deprive him of sweets, put him in a corner, not let him go outside, etc.), then next time in such a situation he will lie. He will say that he does not know where the broken truck is, or that it was taken from him in the yard by grown boys, although the car will be under his bed.

What to do. If lying has become a habit for a child, you shouldn't put up with this . Have a heart-to-heart talk with him, without accusations or irritability: “Let's agree that you will tell me that you did something wrong. Do not be afraid. I’ll try not to be too angry and I’ll be very glad that you told me the truth.”. Be sure to keep your promise, even if the offspring did something truly horrific.

Great dreamer

Children can often exaggerate to gain the respect of peers , talking about an actor brother or sister in America. To appear “cool,” our offspring say that their parents easily let them go out late into the night with their older friends. This is done mainly by 7-8 year old children when they want to amaze their classmates.

Always emphasize how important honesty is in your family. Tell your child that you really appreciate it when people tell the truth and get very upset when they lie.

What to do. If you notice that your child often lies about his adventures, know: life seems boring to him , and he seems to himself weak, stupid and unworthy of more. Ask your child about his imaginary friends and achievements, but don't show negative reactions . Ask him how he would like to spend his day off. Try to understand what your son or daughter is missing in life. Find the answer - solve the problem.

Parents provocateurs

Every parent has had to lie in front of a child . For example, refusing to lend money to a neighbor or turning off the phone so as not to talk to the boss. If you demand from a child to always tell the truth and at the same time demonstrate such inconsistent behavior , nothing good will come of it. At a minimum, the child will feel an internal contradiction and will not know what to do next time. At the very least, he will stop trusting adults.

What to do. If the growing offspring constantly deceives, ask him again again: “Are you sure that’s what happened? Tell the story again.". As a result of the repeated story, some inaccuracies, new facts and fresh fruits of fantasy will definitely emerge.

You can use another technique: let your child know that you are aware of what is happening . Angry question: “Who scattered all the shadows in the bathroom?” replace with calm "I know you took my cosmetics". It turns out that the main words have already been spoken, and you can continue the conversation in completely different tones. So the child will understand that it is quite safe to tell the truth , and after some time he will stop cheating.

You can't be punished for lying

If you punish a child for lying, he will decide: you are screaming because you found out the truth. Then the conclusion will be fixed in the child’s subconscious: the truth must be carefully hidden. The child will decide that it was not a lie, but the truth that made his mother angry . He won’t stop lying, he’ll just make sure his parents don’t know anything about it.

Elena Makarenko, child psychologist: “Remember yourself at this age. Surely the neighbor’s dog ate the diaries, and a gust of wind broke the vase. Don't get angry with your child or punish him. Remember how you yourself felt in a similar situation, and how you did not want to be scolded. And learn to distinguish between childhood fantasy (which can be useful) and the desire to avoid punishment. Sometimes a child simply comes up with stories that have never happened to him in his life - in this case, try to make it as diverse as possible.”

A child will be honest with his parents when he:

I am sure that under no circumstances will mom and dad humiliate him;
is not afraid of parental anger or being rejected by them;
knows that he will be supported in a difficult situation and advised on the right way out of it;
I am confident that (if followed) it will be reasonable and fair;
knows that in a controversial situation his parents will take his side;
I am sure that there is trust between him, mom and dad.

Try to always emphasize how important honesty is in your family. Tell your child that you really appreciate it when people tell the truth and get upset when they lie.

Praise your child for his honesty. After all, it is better to teach him not to lie than to constantly punish him for minor offenses. Good luck to you in this difficult, but quite doable task!

Expert video tips: How to stop a child from lying

Many parents want to know why their children lie to them, and why children lie in general, what motivates them to do this? Let's figure this out together. This topic is quite popular, it worries many adults, especially parents, because many parents have children who lie very often, and they, understandably, don’t like it. But there is nothing unusual in this, because in reality everyone lies and very often. Not only almost all children do this, but also many adults, because for them this is one of the ways to achieve their goals. So this topic is not just popular, but also very important, because it concerns not only children, but our entire lives. You and I must understand the phenomenon of lying, and why people, including children, constantly use it in their lives to solve various problems and tasks. We need to know this, first of all, in order to develop the correct attitude towards this phenomenon. After all, if your child lies to you, it means that he does not see another way to solve some of his problems or get something. And it's very bad. This problem needs to be sorted out, which is what we will do.

First, let's ask ourselves a question: why do people lie at all? Why is lying an integral part of our lives? And why do we have a negative attitude towards it, why do we think that people shouldn’t lie? Interesting questions, you will agree, if you don’t ask them, then there is no point in discussing children’s lies. You and I cannot separate the lies of a child from the lies that an adult spreads; this would not only be unfair to children, but also wrong from the point of view of analyzing such a phenomenon as a lie. If everyone lies, and everyone lies, then we should study everyone, not just children. So why are you the one lying? What exactly is your need for this? I am sure you have something to answer these questions, and have something to justify your lies.

Well, children also have a need to lie and they also have something to justify it with. True, they do not always know how to do it correctly, but this is only because they are not yet old enough and do not know how to cover up and justify other lies with one lie, as adults do. Children are more defenseless and helpless than adults, as a result of which they become victims of unjust violence much more often than adults, they are considered less, if not not considered at all, they are often forced to do what they do not want to do. Many adults don’t care about the interests and opinions of children, even when it comes to their own children, and this, no matter what we talk about humanity and parental love, is the norm of life. And how can they, children, do without lying, and this is, perhaps, the only thing with which they can somehow protect themselves. And most adults consider lying to be evil; they punish their children for lying, sometimes very cruelly, trying to knock this habit out of them. Force, in such cases, again becomes a means of achieving a goal for the adult using it.

What's wrong with lying? From childhood we are strongly taught that lying is bad, while you yourself see that children know how to do it, they, although poorly, know how to lie, although no one taught them this. What does this mean? And this suggests that people by nature have a need to lie, because lying is both a defense and a means of attack that helps us achieve our goals. A lie has a right to exist, it must exist, without it a person is defenseless against many threats, especially against threats that come from stronger people. As a matter of fact, if our children did not manage to fool us adults around their fingers, we probably would not scold them for lying to us. That is, it turns out that we want to use the child’s weakness as we please, we want to mold him into whatever we want, without paying attention to his personal interests, his desires, his condition, needs and problems? And we don’t want to allow him to somehow protect himself from our attacks, to somehow defend his interests? Isn't it too arrogant of us to count on this? Children should be able to protect themselves from various threats with the help of lies, and thank God, nature has provided them with such an opportunity. And some of us punish our children for lying, without thinking about how our children will live in the future, when they grow up, in, as you see, not the most honest and just world. Why do you need honest children? Why do you need an honest child? What do you want from him, demanding the truth, so that you make him stupid, so that he gets used to telling only the truth, without thinking about the consequences? Can you imagine what this world will do to him then, can you imagine what his life will be like if he is too honest with you? You and I are dealing with a world built and welded together with the help of violence and lies; of course, nature took this into account, endowing humans with the ability to distort information.

Children lie for the same reason that adults do; imagine, they also have their own interests, their desires, their fears, their feelings, and when they cannot achieve what they want honestly, they lie. In the same way, when children need protection from attacks from adults or from attacks on them by other children, they begin to lie as best they can in order to somehow get out of a difficult situation, perhaps even a dangerous situation for them, in which they find themselves. Yes, you understand that lying is the only way a child can protect himself and defend his interests. Adults are stronger than children, smarter than children, and adults often use this advantage to impose their will on children, to make them into someone that children themselves do not want to be. You are stronger, the child is weaker, what else can he do but lie to you when he wants one thing and you want another, when he sees that telling you the truth is, at a minimum, unpromising, and at most, dangerous. You do the same thing, you lie out of profit and you lie out of fear. Moreover, adults can lie just like that, out of habit, so to speak. Well, it’s true, it just seems that sometimes we lie just like that, without much meaning, but in reality we lie for profit, or because of the same fear that we simply do not fully realize. Nothing happens in this world just like that. You lie when it benefits you, or when circumstances force you to lie, when fear forces you to lie to get out. Children do the same.

Children lie, dear adults, because they also want a lot and are afraid of a lot, do not think that you are very different from them in your behavior. You are smarter, more cunning, physically stronger, more experienced, but you are driven by the same instincts that drive children. And besides, you yourself were once a child who still lives inside you. Friends, remember what you were like when you were little. Remember situations when you lied to other people, including adults, and answer your question - why did you lie? You probably wanted something or didn’t want something, right? Now, as adults, you, of course, are superior to children in the ability to lie beautifully and/or withhold important information, but you and children have the same needs for lying. It is difficult for us to live without lies. Remember how you saw the world around you when you were little - was it friendly enough towards you, fair and honest enough? I am sure that no, and now that you have become adults, the world does not seem to you even more honest, fair and kindly disposed towards you. And even if you fly in the clouds and wear rose-colored glasses, you are still wary of this world, because life has probably already bitten you more than once. Is it possible to live in this world without lies? Answer this question honestly. I think that without the ability to lie, at least a little, it will be very difficult, if not completely impossible, to live. Well, why should children live without lying, why should they be so stupid as to do things that contradict the laws of life and the laws of nature? So they don't do this. Nature does not allow them to be too honest. Although she does not teach them to lie correctly, at the level of intuition, she tells them that by distorting information in a certain way, they will be able to both protect themselves and gain something for themselves.

So, do you still have questions on this topic? Now you understand why children lie? If yes, then let's move on to another question. Namely, to understanding what we should do with children who lie to us. What do you think, if you think about it carefully, what should you do with children who lie to everyone, including us adults? Well, if you were able to recognize this lie, then you can conclude that the child lying to you is lying badly, otherwise you would not be able to catch him in a lie. So what should you do with a child who is a bad liar, whose lies you are able to recognize? Probably, he should be taught to lie correctly, so that his lies are more effective, so that they do not let him down or harm him, but, on the contrary, help him and benefit him. Often children lie unconsciously, without apparent need, but this does not mean that their internal state does not tell them that in this or that situation, for this or that person, it is better to lie than to tell the truth. You could explain to your child when and why you need to lie, and how it should be done in general, and when lying can cause more harm than good. You can also point out to your child the mistakes he makes when he lies to you or someone else. No, well, of course, I understand that for this you need to love your child, otherwise, you can take a belt and knock out of him any desire to lie in the future if you simply don’t like it. Or you can brainwash him so much that he will then constantly blame himself, even for small lies, which he was forced to resort to instinctively in order to protect himself in a given situation, or for the sake of some benefit. The choice is yours. I cannot force you to love your children, I can only explain to you the pattern of their behavior and the reason for their committing certain actions. And love, you must find it in yourself, as well as reason, in order not to punish your child for lying, but to teach him to lie well, correctly, so well that no one would guess that he is lying. You see, with the right training, he will become your politician, and not just any kind of politician, but a good politician whom everyone will love for his beautiful and indestructible lies.

And don’t rack your brains over why children lie to their parents, whom they seem to be supposed to trust and therefore not lie to. Parents are different, some parents are so terrible that it would be better not to have them at all, so that the child does not suffer. Nature took this into account and therefore endowed children with the ability to lie to everyone, including those people to whom they probably really shouldn’t lie. That's why I say that children need to be taught how to lie correctly, in the right situations and to the right people. And for this it is necessary to understand them, it is necessary to understand the fears and desires of each individual child. And if a child lies to you, then he probably does not fully trust you, no matter how good a person you consider yourself to be. You, too, can be wrong about yourself; you can consider yourself to be good, caring, fair parents, doing for your children everything that you think they need. But in reality, let’s say, not everything may be all right with you. It happens that people think one thing about themselves, but in reality they are completely different, and your children may have a different opinion of you than you are accustomed to think. We adults always want more, no matter what we already have. And children also want more, no matter what we give them and how much we give it to them. Therefore, do not judge them harshly, if you are good parents and they still lie to you, do not take it to heart. This is all nature, it is she who prepares your children for life. You better also help them prepare for life in our world, teach them to lie correctly, in the right situations, to the right people, so that they, your children, see and understand that you understand them. Let them see that you are on their side, that you don’t give a damn about their interests, about their lives, about themselves. And then it is quite possible that they will lie to you less, because the more trust people have in each other, the less often they need to lie to each other. Why lie to a person whose trust is of great importance to you, it is not just ugly, it is unprofitable. Children will not want to lie to those parents in whose eyes they want to be good, trusting relationships with whom they highly value, whose attention and love they really need. Don’t count on crystal honesty, it is a sign of a person’s stupidity, and children cannot afford this stupidity, unless adults disfigure them with their thoughtless upbringing.

This may sound banal, but children are people too, and nothing human is alien to them, including lies. And therefore, it is not appropriate for you and me to analyze exclusively children’s inept and sometimes inappropriate lies, even though we do it. After all, lying should be considered and understood by us as a quality inherent in all people without exception, regardless of who uses it and in what situations and for what specific purposes. Personally, it’s hard for me to imagine a person who would never lie to anyone, and if one lives in this world, then it’s difficult for me to understand him, I’ll need to study him in order to understand. After all, what happens when we lie, what is the essence of lies, lies? We provide people with information in a form that is favorable to us, which completely or partially distorts reality. Or, this is also important to understand, we give out information in the form in which we ourselves understand it, and sometimes we understand something differently from how it really is, as a result of which we seem to be lying unconsciously, we are lying without realizing it. This often happens with children, because they still don’t know or understand much in this life, or they understand something incorrectly. You shouldn’t scold them for this, it’s not their fault, we all don’t know and don’t understand something. Children need to be taught correctly, to the extent that you yourself are capable of it, to understand the world around them, to correctly understand the essence of things and phenomena.

Some parents, who previously did not notice their children lying, suddenly discover that their children are gradually beginning to deceive them. And to their question about why children begin to lie, I can answer this way - because they begin to master this skill. And because by your attitude towards them you force them to lie. Remember how, as a child, you were afraid to tell your parents something because you were so afraid that they would punish you. Wasn't this what happened? It probably happened, even if you don't remember it. But if parents at least tried to understand their children, in those situations where they are really afraid that they will be punished, they would not push their children to the need to lie, at least to their parents. When children are scared, what else can they do, how else can they protect themselves, if not with the help of lies? Perhaps we, adults, feel that our children are being disrespectful and irresponsible when they lie to us, their parents. But what about us, are we always and everywhere responsible for our words and actions, do we always treat everyone with respect, especially of our own free will? Probably not. So why do we react so painfully to the exact same behavior of children, which is characteristic of us ourselves? Just because they are children and their lies are more obvious than ours? Maybe it is sometimes really obvious and naive, but that is no less justified than ours.

As you can see, there is nothing really complicated in analyzing the behavior of children; you don’t have to be a psychologist for this; you have to have a desire to understand another person, even if he is still very small. And when someone asks a question - why does a child constantly lie, it is appropriate to answer it with a counter question - don’t you constantly lie? You want, you need, you are forced, so the child is forced to lie to you, he also wants a lot, he also needs, he is also a living person, not a toy. From my experience, unfortunately, not many parents understand this. In general, we adults often don’t want to understand each other, unless we are forced to do so, and we don’t even want to understand children and take into account them, their interests and desires. In any case, many of us do not want to do this. Perhaps this doesn’t apply to you specifically, I’m telling you how it generally happens, how adults, no matter what they talk about themselves, completely ignore their own and especially other people’s children. And children certainly feel this ignoring. But ignoring has long been the highest form of moral violence. And when a child feels that adults are, if not enemies, then definitely not friends, he will use against them the weapons that he can use, that is, lies.

Become an ally, at least to your own child, and then a good, perhaps even a best friend. When he begins to trust you, when he sees that you treat him as an equal and consider him, he will have less reason to lie to you. You will see changes in his attitude towards you, rest assured. These will not be sudden changes, of course, although this sometimes happens, but gradual ones, in which the child will begin to share with you what he previously preferred to hide from you, so as not to run into trouble. If this world were not so cruel to the weak, if it were not so unfair, children would not lie, just like we, adults, would not have the need to do so. But the world is what it is, and therefore it should be, and in order for us to survive in it and at the same time achieve any significant success, we need to lie when necessary, when it doesn’t work out otherwise.

And since we are all forced to lie, some more, some less, some better, some worse, then let’s not deprive our children of this opportunity. And in order for them to lie correctly, without negative consequences, first of all, for themselves, we must teach them this skill. We must teach our children the art of lying if we want to help them. The ability to lie beautifully and effectively is truly an art; our creative abilities are manifested in this skill. Not every adult knows how to lie beautifully. And parallel to this art, we need to teach our children in other ways to achieve the goals they need and to protect themselves from various kinds of threats, then they will not need to lie too often, they will be able to do just fine without lying.

The task of adults has always been to prepare the younger generation for life, for a better life. We must do everything in our power to ensure that our children live better than us, so that they achieve more in life than what we have achieved, so that they are happy and love life. And to knock out of them what nature put into them just because we don’t like it is, to say the least, stupid. Children lie not because they are bad, but because nature has endowed them with the ability to survive in this not the most humane, not the most honest, not the most just and kind world. Well, whoever it is, we, adults, must understand this.

When faced with children's lies for the first time, parents are at a loss and desperately trying to understand what they missed in the process of upbringing? How could this happen? After all, in any family they try to raise an honest and decent person from their child. But often mom and dad don’t think about the fact that even a minor lie, a slight distortion of facts that a child observes every day in his family, over time becomes the reason for the child’s deception.

But be that as it may, quite logical questions arise: what to do if a child is lying? How to stop a child from telling lies?

Why do children lie?

The first thing that responsible parents, who were deceived by a little toddler for the first time, think about is that they made some kind of global mistake in their upbringing. But before drawing such conclusions, it is worth deciding on the understanding of children's lies. So why do children lie?

Psychologists define lying as the conscious decision to provide false information to the intended recipient without knowledge of the intent. But if the child is very small, naturally, he does not have any evil intentions, you should not suspect the child of deliberate distortion of information. At this age, children live in the world of fairy tales and, telling fantastic stories or embellishing reality, the child perceives this as part of the truth.

Making up stories like meeting Batman or having a heart-to-heart conversation with a teddy bear has nothing to do with lying, and there is no need to worry about it. On the contrary, you need to be happy that the baby’s imagination is fine, and also try to support and develop his creativity.

By and large, until the age of four, children do not need to lie; they do not know how to do so. If there are attempts to deceive, then most often this happens unconsciously, because a small child simply lives without thinking about the morality of his actions and actions. He considers every decision he makes to be correct and thinks that everyone does the same. The baby says the first thing that comes to mind, because at this age he still lacks the so-called inner speech (the ability to mentally pronounce what is said). Therefore, during this period, you should not ask the question of what to do if a child is lying - this is not relevant yet.

As the child gets older, he learns to think about whether to say something or not. In addition, thoughts begin to appear: “Why are adults angry with me?”, “What can I do so that I am not punished?”, “If I was praised, then how can I earn repeated approval?”

We all strive for psychological comfort - both adults and children. Therefore, it is not surprising that children begin to tell lies, realizing that in this way they can make their lives easier. It is from this moment that lying becomes meaningful and can easily become a habit.

Now is the time for parents to think: why do children lie and what to do if the child is lying? And the reasons may be different, they all depend on the specific situation and the motives driving the little deceivers. The most common reasons for children's lies:

The desire to appear better;
To attract attention;
Fear of punishment;
The desire to justify oneself;
Studying the reaction to deception;
Constant prohibitions from parents;
Manipulation;
Unhealthy lies.

How to stop a child from lying?

So what should you do if your child is lying? Let's give some tips that may be useful in solving this problem:

The main thing is trust, because it is the basis of all relationships. Try to understand that any child is worthy of respect and has the right to it. Therefore, having encountered a child’s deception once, you should not question your child’s words every subsequent time. The ability to listen, and not immediately skeptically perceive information provided by children, is a quality worthy of smart parents;
If the lie is minor, treat it with humor. Especially when this concerns children who are just getting a taste of deception and have barely learned to distinguish the real from the imaginary. By reacting to a lie with a joke, parents get involved in the game and, as it were, make it clear that the lie has been revealed;
As soon as you notice that your child has lied, you need to talk to him and explain what consequences this action may have. But this should only be done one on one - the child should trust you and not feel humiliated;
Children need to understand that serious deception will result in appropriate punishment. At the age of 5-9 years, such an educational moment can stop lying. And it is necessary to punish, because conversations about the consequences of an action, which remain conversations, eventually cease to work, and parents again face the same question: why do children lie? The reason for this is impunity. Having lied several times, at some point the child realizes: “I lied and nothing happened. Why not do it again? Punishment should be immediate and always proportionate to the offense committed. But, naturally, the punishment itself should not affect the health or development of the child; the most effective punishment for lying is prohibitions on entertainment or pleasure that is important for the little deceiver;
You shouldn’t perceive children’s deception as the end of the world; the main thing is not to lose sight of pathological lies, because they require urgent adult intervention. It is not so difficult to define it: a pathological liar cannot help but deceive, he lies constantly;
In an attempt to raise their child to be honest, parents often begin to behave inconsistently, not noticing that lying in the family is a common occurrence. So where will the child get the understanding of honesty and decency? He copies this relationship model, not realizing that it could be somehow different. Therefore, try to teach your child to be truthful by your own example;
Under no circumstances should you label your child as a deceiver, a liar, or a liar. This will only lower his self-esteem and provoke new deception.

Your child is your copy, so it makes sense to remember that how truthful he will be with you depends on honesty and sincerity in the family, on the warmth and trust of the relationship. Keeping this in mind, the question of how to stop a child from lying will become irrelevant for you.