If everything in life does not go well what to do prayer. How to find a way out of life's impasse or what to do if everything goes wrong? Life is going well what to do
Do men leave you all the time? It seems that everything starts with beautiful dates, bouquets of violets in the morning. You and your chosen one feel that you are literally drawn to each other. And then all of a sudden it all comes crashing down. You are left coming up with some ridiculous excuse. And there were no signs of trouble. Everything was great. But suddenly a promising romance came to naught. There may be several explanations. A man could go on a spree, find a new woman. Or he was afraid of responsibility, he realized that it smells like a wedding. Or some kind of force majeure happened (but this is a very rare case).
In any case, the gap always has a reason. And you don't have to look for it. Maybe it's for the best that the man is gone. So he wasn't as reliable as he seemed. This is not your soulmate. But if you are thrown with enviable regularity, then this is already a serious problem. There are certain types of women who are constantly left behind. Men simply do not see a future with them, so some time after the start of the novel, they rush to their heels.
1. Dirty.
At first, you try to be as careful as possible. On dates, you decorously use cutlery, wear beautiful ironed dresses, wipe your nose with an embroidered handkerchief. But after a while, when the candy-bouquet period comes to an end, you show your true face. A guy, for example, sees that at home you calmly wipe your hands on your pants. Yes, no one canceled naturalness. But everything has a measure. For a guy, you should always be a lady. Even if he has already become your husband. When a guy sees that you have started to let yourself go, he just leaves. He doesn't want a girl who doesn't take care of herself.
2. Mommy.
She is always there, at hand. At first, such close attention is not evident. You meet, rub. Joint pastime does not look something strange. Lovers, on the other hand, can stare into each other's eyes for hours on end. But after a while, the guy begins to understand that there are too many “mommies” in his life. She is there even when it is not required. The girl tries her best to be as close as possible. It comes to the point of absurdity: she forbids the guy to see his friends, for no reason visits the chosen one at work or at the institute, controls his every step. Do guys like such total control? Naturally, he oppresses them. Excessive care and attention is poison for relationships. A partner should always be given freedom, otherwise he will fly away from you into free swimming.
3. Careerist.
Dates with her take place at the same time. And they don't take more than an hour. The day of a careerist is scheduled by the minute. And love is somewhere between a business meeting and going to the gym. But there is a plus: careerists are never late for dates. Not every man dares to start a relationship with a careerist. This is a rather complex type of woman. It's hard to get along with her. By its nature, such a house is similar to a man. She is imperious, prudent, not always romantic. Careerists are often financially secure. That is why gigolos and dependents are drawn to them. They live at the expense of a secure passion, and then they find another object for themselves. Also, men leave careerists because they feel their superiority, both material and moral. Career women need to soften their character a little and look for a man without material difficulties.
4. Esoteric.
A very interesting type. Alas, such women are also often abandoned. No, an esoteric woman does not brew a potion of frog legs and wander around cemeteries at midnight. She just has a lot of quirks. Her whole nature is a complete quirk. At first, the guy is interested in her. She will tell you everything about his zodiac sign, share the intricacies of a raw food diet, and give you an amulet of her own making. She is interesting and fun. Until the guy gets to know her better. Esoteric women are little interested in everyday problems. They are totally focused on learning new nutritional concepts, reading magical books and new yoga postures. With such a lady, one will have to be saturated with spiritual food. And you will have to forget about a delicious dinner with a steak. Instead, a lecture is planned in an esoteric circle. Therefore, the guys leave the esotericists and go in search of more mundane women.
5. Good girl.
Distinctive features: higher education, neat clothes, no swearing, ironed collar, no vulgarity. Hobbies - cross-stitching, reading books, watching popular science programs. And no discos. All secrets are trusted only to mom and the diary hidden under the pillow. A good girl has “I want to get married!” written on her forehead. Usually she is very addictive with intimacy. The guy has to go on a lot of dates, swear his love, sing serenades. A good girl won't give up without a fight. But the guy gives up first. He just walks away from a good girl. The secret of female seduction lies in the ability to keep the intrigue. But don't overdo it either. A good girl wants everything to be by the rules. But this way she just kills interest in herself. The guy leaves. He just gets tired of waiting.
These types of women are not in a hurry to start a relationship. Guys go on dates, look closely, draw conclusions. And these conclusions are not always in favor of the girl. Yes, you need to be yourself, not be afraid of your own individuality. But you also need to know the measure. It's worth embellishing yourself a bit. And not in terms of makeup or hair. Comb your character traits. Make them more attractive to the opposite sex. For example, a careerist can relax a little. A good girl needs to loosen up a little. Then the guys will see that you are exactly the kind of woman with whom you can start a long-term relationship.
Religious reading: if everything goes wrong in life, what to do prayer to help our readers.
Every person has troubles in life that require help from Above. In many situations, we pray for the protection of the Holy Saints, because they have the audacity to pray for us before the Almighty. In addition, they, too, were ordinary people in their time and understand our problems.
And after death, the Lord vouchsafed their gift to help people in various situations.
When to ask for help with prayer
Work is the place where a person spends most of his life. Labor activity gives us the opportunity to provide ourselves and our family with material benefits.
But sometimes a “black streak” sets in at work, a series of troubles, which forces you to look for a way out of problems. Of course, you can endure the attacks of colleagues and superiors, be in a stressful state every day or look for a new job, which is quite difficult during a crisis.
Prayer from troubles at work to the Holy Saints can influence the situation and change it for the better.
Icon of the Most Holy Theotokos "Seven Arrows"
The Most Pure Virgin Mary is able to solve any problem, reason with enemies and calm their hearts. The Mother of God will protect from enemies, eliminate omissions among colleagues, and improve the microclimate.
O Many-sorrowful Mother of God, who surpassed all the daughters of the earth in her purity and in the multitude of sufferings you brought to the earth! Accept our many-pained sighs and save us under the shelter of Your mercy, otherwise, refuge and warm intercession, is it not to You, we know, but, as the boldness of those who are born of You, help and save us with Your prayers, may we unstumblingly reach the Kingdom of Heaven, where with all the saints we will sing praises in the Trinity to the One God, always, now, and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.
Saint Nicholas the Wonderworker
Nicholas of Myra is one of the most beloved and especially revered saints of our people.
There is no number of his miracles, he helps people in almost all cases and life situations, including resolving work conflicts.
Oh, all-holy Nicholas, the most beautiful servant of the Lord, our warm intercessor, and everywhere in sorrow a quick helper! Help me a sinner and despondent in this present life, beg the Lord God to grant me the remission of all my sins, having sinned from my youth, in all my life, deed, word, thought and all my feelings; and at the end of my soul, help me the accursed, implore the Lord God, all creatures of the Sodetel, to deliver me from air ordeals and eternal torment: may I always glorify the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and your merciful intercession, now and ever and forever and ever. Amen.
Saint Tryphon
Prayer to the Saint favors desperate and weak-minded people to get out of a difficult situation.
The future saint was rewarded by the Lord with the gift of healing in childhood. The boy could cast out demons, heal the sick. According to legend, Saint Tryphon saved one of the cities from creeping reptiles, for which the emperor Troyan, an opponent of Christianity, tortured him, and then ordered to cut off his head, which is still kept in the Montenegrin Cathedral of St. Tryphon.
The saint does not refuse anyone, he opens new paths for those who believe in his help and gives strength for good deeds.
O holy martyr of Christ Tryphon, I resort to you in prayer, I pray before your image. Ask our Lord for help in the work, for I suffer inactively and hopelessly. Pray to the Lord and ask him for help in worldly affairs. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen
Mitrofan of Voronezh
They pray to the saint in conflict situations at work.
In his youth, he served as a priest in one of the parishes, thanks to which his household lived in prosperity and peace. Having become a widower, the cleric thought about asceticism and was appointed Bishop of Voronezh.
Mitrofan became famous for his deeds of mercy and help in resolving conflicts. He will always intercede for the one who asks.
Oh, the bishop of God, St. Mitrofan of Christ, hear me, a sinner (name), at this hour, I offer prayer to you, and pray for me a sinner to the Lord God, may my sins be forgiven and give (request for work) with prayers, holy, yours. Amen.
Spiridon of Trimifuntsky
Prayer to the Holy Wonderworker must come from the very heart, he will not help in deception, and the pure thoughts of the asker will be of great benefit.
One should not forget about the thanksgiving of the saint, who intercedes before the Lord, for help.
O Blessed Saint Spyridon! Ask us, the servants of God (names), from Christ and God our peaceful serene life, health of mind and body. Remember us at the throne of the Savior and implore the Lord to grant forgiveness of our sins, a comfortable and peaceful life. We send glory and thanksgiving to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.
Apostle Peter
Prayer for work will strengthen the spirit and faith, relieve temptations, and help in difficult situations.
Prayer to the Optina Elders
Lord, give me peace of mind to meet everything that the coming day brings me. Let me completely surrender to Your holy will. For every hour of this day, instruct and support me in everything. Whatever news I receive during the day, teach me to accept it with a calm soul and firm conviction that everything is Thy holy will. In all my words and deeds guide my thoughts and feelings. In all unforeseen cases, do not let me forget that everything is sent down by You. Teach me to act directly and reasonably with each member of my family, without embarrassing or upsetting anyone. Lord, give me the strength to endure the fatigue of the coming day and all the events during the day. Guide my will and teach me to pray, believe, hope, endure, forgive and love. Amen.
Psalm reading
In the Psalms, the Word of God is revealed to prayer books.
David's songs help to get rid of any worldly misfortune, appease ill-wishers who do evil. Reading psalms can protect against demonic attacks.
- 57 - if the situation has escalated around and there is no way to calm the "storm", prayer will protect and call for the help of the Lord;
- 70 - will tell you the way out of the conflict, take away the tyrant boss;
- 7 - helps to resist insults and quarrels, indicates the right steps to solve the problem;
- 11 - pacifies the spirit of an evil person;
- 59 - reveals the truth to the boss if the employee has become a victim of gossip or conspiracy.
Prayer Rules
When entering the Holy Temple, you must cross yourself three times. It is important to touch your body with your fingers, and not cross the air.
Entering the chapel of the temple and standing in front of the face of the saint, you need to concentrate and devote your thoughts to the saint to whom prayer will be addressed.
It is advisable, before turning to the saint, to read his life, confess sins, take communion. And strong faith and the Orthodox spirit will give strength in this situation.
In petitions, do not forget about elementary gratitude. Even if the request has not yet been fulfilled, then you need to continue praying, do not renounce the saints and do not blame anyone.
It should be remembered that for every action and event there is a time and a place.
So be it and so be it!
Let the heartache
Will float away from me
Let them come back to me
Joy, happiness and love!
So be it and so be it!
Appeal to Nikolai Ugodnik
Oh, Nicholas, my holy miracle worker!
I stand before you sinful.
I came to you with great prayer,
Oh, don't leave! I'm tired of life!
My cross is heavy, but I do not grumble,
I carry it from an early age.
I'm tired, great miracle worker,
Save and keep me forever.
You brought us sinners out of prison,
You showed us the way astray,
And how many times, great miracle worker,
You helped me in my sinful life.
And don't leave my prayer
Come help and lend a hand.
I'm tired, great miracle worker,
Rescue and keep me on the road.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Appeal to the brownie
If trouble has come to your house, perform this ceremony immediately. True, for it you will need a painted egg left after Easter, but many store them, so you will not encounter serious problems during preparation for the ceremony. And one more thing: the ceremony is carried out in complete silence.
So, in the early morning, when it is still dark outside, take an egg in one hand and a lit candle in the other. First, cross yourself with an egg, and then with a candle, then change hands (take the egg in the hand in which you held the candle, and the candle in the hand in which you held the egg) and say:
Uncle brownie, uncle yard,
Come to my candlelight
From the egg that the Easter cakes sanctified,
On the green, like an oak leaf,
On the blue, like a river shaft.
Come as I am
I will give you the testicle of Christ.
Help me, help me
Take away my grief
(tell me what happened)
From my family, from me.
Hostess Lord, help my misfortune.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Leave the candle and the egg where you read the plot, and go to sleep. The brownie himself knows what to do to help your grief.
If everything in life does not go well what to do prayer
If nothing goes right in life
If you are exhausted by longing and resentment, you are already tired of mental suffering, then do not sit idly by - help yourself.
You will need some kind of vessel, such as a glass jar. The main thing is that it has a tight-fitting lid. Wait until the 13th of any month and make sure that at midnight of this day no one bothers you to perform the ceremony. Sit down at the table, light a candle, take a clean sheet of paper and a pen with red ink.
For five minutes, look at the candle flame and think about what torments you, worries, what you need to get rid of. Then write on the sheet everything that came to your mind about what does not allow you to live in peace. Do not try to write beautifully - it does not matter, the main thing is your emotions, feelings.
Having written everything down, crumple the paper and set it on fire from the candle flame. Prepare an ashtray or a plate in advance where you put the ashes. I have long had a special bronze ashtray from India. I use it every time I need to burn paper for magical purposes.
So, while the paper is burning, tell us about how you feel, how longing leaves you, how you get rid of mental anguish, depression, everything that prevented you from living a normal life. When the paper burns out, say:
So be it and so be it!
Dip the ashes into the jar and close it tightly, saying the word "Alminar!". Extinguish the candle and continue the ceremony. (Do it quickly!) Put the jar of ashes in an iron bucket or pan (only iron, not plastic!), cover the pan with a lid. After that, go to sleep, but lie down with your feet in the direction in which you always lay down with your head. Be sure to put two crossed spoons under the bed - they will help you restore strength.
The next day at noon, you should go to the nearest pond or stream. Throw the jar of ashes into the water as far as possible and say:
Let the heartache
Will float away from me
Let them come back to me
Joy, happiness and love!
So be it and so be it!
After that, throw everything that comes to hand after the jar: a stick, a stone, a handful of sand, etc.
Leave quickly without looking back.
At home, light the candle again and hold your hands over it. When your hands are warm, run them over your face - “wash yourself” with the energy of fire. Then touch the chest, the solar plexus - close the energetically spiritual wound. Repeat these movements until you feel calm and happy. Relax, don't rush anywhere: things can wait. Lie down, remember your feelings. And repeat the ceremony with a candle for several days in a row in the mornings and evenings. Do not spare time for it, and soon you will not recognize yourself. You will only wonder: where did longing and sadness go?
Everything in my life is not going well. Maybe I'm damaged? Question from Dmitry
Hello!
Something weird is going on in my life. IM married. Nothing is going well with my wife. There is no sex, no mutual sympathy, but I can’t leave her!!
The other day I found out that my mistress is pregnant, he told his wife the whole truth !!
Persistent health problems. Crashed the car. Work is also not going well. I drink beer every day!!
Everyone has troubles in life, unfortunately, no one can do without them. But if problems arise in all spheres of life, and their number is constantly increasing, growing like a snowball, then, of course, doubts arise - or maybe these are the intrigues of ill-wishers?!
You know, there is such a thing as damage to bad luck. Perhaps one of your enemies pointed it at you. To figure out if you have damage or not, do the following.
Rite for determining damage to bad luck
To carry it out, you will need a glass of clean cold water and a fresh homemade chicken egg.
Sit on a chair, hold a glass in your hand for a few minutes, so that the water is charged with your energy. Then gently break the egg into the water, raise the glass over your head and hold for about five minutes. Now see the result.
If the water in the glass remains clear, and the protein lies at the bottom, then your energy is pure. If, however, white tangled strands of protein stretch upward from the yolk, then this indicates that you really have damage or the evil eye, which prevent you from living a normal life.
If you, Dmitry, find that everything is not all right with you, you must definitely shoot the negative!
Removing damage to bad luck
You will need eight fresh chicken eggs.
Every day, before going to bed, break an egg into a glass of water and place this glass at the head of your bed. In the morning, first of all, without talking to anyone, pour the contents of the glass into the toilet with the words:
“Let all the bad, the bad leave me with this egg.”
Throughout the entire period, the eggs will remove all the negative energy from you, and on the ninth day the water in the glass will be clear! And the protein will lie at the bottom.
This will indicate that now there is nothing wrong with you. After that, your business will go uphill, problems will be resolved.
If damage is not found in you, then this means that it is only about yourself, and there was no outside interference in your life.
Try to calmly understand the situation, put everything on the shelves, understand the reason for what is happening. If you yourself created this situation, then it is in your power to solve it!
Prayers for deliverance from problems and failures
The presence of severe problems suggests that a person has gone astray from the true path. Prayer will help to replenish strength, strengthen faith and overcome difficulties.
Since ancient times, God and his saints have helped people fight against various misfortunes. Tortured souls always find comfort in God's grace-filled intercession. One should address the Creator in accordance with church canons, with love in the soul and sincerity in words.
Why Problems Occur
First of all, misfortunes overtake people who have strayed from the right course. The Lord points to this through a series of bad luck and failures, thereby saving us from making new mistakes. But there are exceptions: sometimes our Creator wants us to be patient and be able to endure everything that is destined for us by fate. In both cases, the Almighty brings up the personal participation of each of us, wishing only the best.
Evil daily tests the soul of every person. People who have forgotten about faith and become hostages of their own temptations will sooner or later meet the wrath of God. Everyone will find salvation in the mercy of the Creator. It is necessary to turn to God and his Holy saints daily in a prayer request and gratitude.
Prayers for getting rid of problems help everyone and always, since they are addressed to the most powerful God-pleasers. You can say prayers in moments of sadness, loss of strength, at an hour when faith is shaken or you feel that you have lost your way. Everyone and everyone, regardless of age and gender, sometimes needs the Highest help. Not to mention those cases when a person faced bad luck, adversity and problems face to face. God will not leave you in difficult times. Asking the Lord and His Relatives for deliverance from problems follows from the reading of the Our Father prayer.
Protective prayer to the Guardian Angel
Who, if not your Guardian Angel, can help strengthen your personal strength and believe in your own abilities? He was appointed by the Lord to serve you in order to protect your soul and guide you in moments of despair. The sacred text goes like this:
“Angel of God, my Guardian. You and your intercession were given to me from above. I pray for Your help, illuminate all the obstacles in my path with a bright light, save my soul from all evil and guide me to good deeds. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen".
Prayer to the Cathedral and 12 apostles, protecting from problems and troubles
This prayer will save you from any trouble. Reading is best approached in moments of tormenting the soul. The mighty power of the twelve apostles will erect a wall around you that is indestructible by any misfortune.
“Oh Holy Apostles, Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James, Judas, Simon and Matthias! Hear our prayers, sinful servants of God, broken hearted. Help us (name), pray for our sins before the Lord and beg him to deliver us from demonic interference, evil and hypocrisy. Give faith devoted and unshakable, so that the Almighty sees all our love and helps to overcome troubles, misfortunes and sorrows, and protects our lives and hearts with his intercession. We kneel before the power of the Cathedral, glorifying the Lord God forever and ever. Amen".
Prayer to Nicholas the Wonderworker to get rid of failures
Everyone asks for the intercession of Nicholas the Wonderworker: both Christians and scientists, deeply religious and atheists. Even people of other religions turn to the Saint with reverence and requests. The reason for such a strong veneration of God's Pleasure is known - powerful help does not take long to wait. Prayer near the image of Nicholas the Wonderworker:
“Oh, Great Nicholas! Shepherd of God and teacher of all believers, hear our prayers addressed to Your intercession. Deliver the sinful servants of God from problems that bring misfortune and suffering. Protect and preserve with your holy participation from worldly failures, cowardice, laziness and the invasion of adversity. We beg you, Wonderworker, protect from the evil eye, deliver from hunger, fire, rebellion, wars and other misfortunes. You, the Great One, have already saved more than one person from severe troubles, so come to me (name) to help. Deliver me from the wrath of God and eternal torment, praying for me before him all my sins. I appeal to Your mercy. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen".
Prayer for deliverance from problems to the life-giving Cross
Believers bow their heads before the cross on which they crucified our Savior. The bodily torments experienced by Christ in the name of our happiness and eternal life will remain in the memory of everyone until the end of days. This prayer will help to withstand the blows of fate with the humility with which Jesus endured torment. Text:
“May the Lord rise again and all that fears the gaze of the Most High disappear at once. Like smoke, everything obscene from a righteous life will disappear. Every evil will descend back into the abyss of darkness and sin. The sign of the cross reminds us of the pain of Christ, of his torments, and of the power of the spirit. Our Savior, who descended into hell, equalized the forces of good and evil and helped every creature of God gain eternal life. The given cross will drive away all sorrow, pain, misfortune from the one who was honored to wear it on his chest. Help me, Holy Son of the Lord, and Virgin Mary with all Saints forever. Amen".
Each saint has a certain power received from the Lord during his lifetime. With the help of prayers, you can not only strengthen your own faith, receive the intercession of the Almighty, but also change your destiny. I wish you success, and don't forget to press the buttons and
Hello! Why is nothing in my life changing or getting better?
And in work, and health, and personal life, and family matters, etc. Nothing works, no matter what I do. I have a strong apathy and everything falls out of my hands - because of this there is no desire to live. I gave up my second education, there are no changes in my work and nothing works, my health is not easy, I have no personal life, I have not been able to solve things for 2-3 years. When will all this change and what do I need to do to get things right? Born on September 23, 1989 at 10:45 p.m.
Vera, Astrakhan, 28 years old
Answer from an art psychologist:
Hello Vera.
In order for everything to work out, it is necessary to change the internal state. Now you are experiencing despair and powerlessness. And from the thought "nothing works out" - you will not make progress for the better. You also need to change your mindset. Now your strength is draining into feelings of despair and a sense of worthlessness. Energy needs to be redirected. To do this, start thinking like this: What if everything works out in my life? How will I feel then? How will I live? It is necessary to create an image of where you want to get out of apathy and depression, what kind of life do you dream of, what do you want? What feeling are you missing right now? Maybe it's faith and peace, as well as allowing yourself to live fully. Ask yourself: what if my life improved by 0.1 percent every day? And notice any improvements that you will have happening, the smallest and not significant at first glance. With a psychologist, the way out of apathy and depression is easier and faster. Regarding the forecasts of astrologers, fortune-tellers, etc. - when you address them, think - what would you like to hear, because when you address them - you already accept what they will tell you. Learn to create your own programs. Strive to be your own authority. This is the way. But it is worth it to follow it. It is also important to ask yourself the right questions, because the brain is looking for answers to them. Ask yourself: WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE GO GOOD AND HAPPEN FOR THE BEST FOR ME? And you will already feel better. And the reality will gradually change because you will expect good things in life. Good luck to you!
Sincerely, Irina Potemkina.
Every time we complain about life, it is worth remembering: it is not the world that is unfair - it is we who are doing something wrong.
There are 7 fundamental laws by which the universe lives. Ignorance does not exempt them from responsibility. Knowledge - will help not to make mistakes, achieve harmony and live happily.
1. The law of emptiness
If you need new shoes, throw away the old ones. If you need new clothes, clean out your closet. You must voluntarily give up your stereotypes. The new comes only when you get rid of the old.
2. Law of circulation
Be willing to let go of something you own in order to get something you desire.
3. Law of Imagination
First you must see prosperity in your imagination. Write a description of your ideal day and don't show it to anyone except someone you trust. Keep this description somewhere handy and reread it at your leisure.
4. The law of creativity
A person can achieve prosperity through the energy of his thinking, intuition and imagination.
5. The Law of Retribution and Receiving
If you give something away, it will be returned tenfold. When you receive blessings, it is very important to share them with others. If you have a gift, and you do not use it, then you offend your Divine essence. To properly honor your abilities, you must rejoice in gifts and share them with others. If you do this, you will attract even more blessings into your life.
6. The law of tithing
The universe will always take its tithe. It's just the law of gratitude for the source of support - 10% of everything you have. You never know how your tithing will come back to you. Money is commonplace. But it can also come in the form of reconciliation with someone, new friendships, recovery, and so on.
7. The law of forgiveness
If you cannot forgive people, you cannot accept your wealth. If your soul is filled with hate, love cannot find a place in it. You must get rid of the negative feelings that devour you and do not give you rest.
Sigmund Freud argued that we run from fear and reach for pleasure. Some smart people, using Freud's theory, advanced the carrot and stick method. And hooray, it worked! Now all ways of influencing a person are based on this simple principle. So why isn't life getting better? Why, when we want to change for the better of our own free will, we do not succeed? Drinking and smoking is harmful, overeating, in principle, is not healthy, you want great and pure love and it would be time to radically change your life, but ... We destroy and cripple our body with enviable constancy. We, adults and reasonable people, put off all attempts to become happier until Monday. And from Monday we repeat the old mistakes: we quarrel, we drink, we smoke, we get divorced and we quit a good job.
I hasten to tell you that Freud's principle is not violated. Freud is right as always. We may well derail our lives like a train, as this can bring us, albeit distorted, but pleasure.
Why is life not going well? What is behind bad habits
There is a principle of "secondary benefits" in psychology. Benefit can be understood as some kind of dividends that we receive even from bad deeds and bad habits. Why secondary? Because these benefits are secondary and not visible at first glance. But they can play a big role in a person's life.
For example, a 40-year-old man with a serious lung disease wants to quit smoking. And the doctors scared me a lot, and he coughs a lot, and he himself understands that it is harmful. And nothing can be done. Is there a benefit? Yes! When this man smoked as a teenager, he felt strong, mature and successful, he began to be respected. Therefore, quitting smoking for his subconscious means becoming a weakling, a child, a weakling. And, making attempts, like, "a day without a puff", he deprives himself of all these regalia. It's a shame! Therefore, we have a strong, adult and successful destroyer of our health.
Or here's another. A woman has constant claims to her man, swears with him, nags, he does not suit her. And the salary is small, and bald, and fat, and there is nothing special in bed, in general, “nothing”. Neither the children nor the housing problem hold her, and she does not dare to leave him. So he has been sawing it for many years. It certainly has its own benefits. And what is her benefit? Her benefit may be that, against his background, she feels like a wealthy, sexy and sought-after woman. Why doesn't he leave? Because in fact, deep inside, it feels like a “dummy”. And if she falls into the hands of a successful man, against his background all her complexes and shortcomings will instantly be revealed. Therefore, it is unpleasant for her to live with a middle-aged fat man, and to feel like a “Man” next to him is profitable and convenient.
Looking for profit!
Successful detectives and fans of detective stories know that the criminal must be sought among those who benefit from this crime. In our case, we should say that we do stupid things in life from the fact that they have some kind of, even stupid, pleasure for us. This is the secondary benefit.
Sometimes a person's life is bad and hard, but he is not going to change anything. It means that in that "swamp" in which he stayed too long, he is very comfortable, i.e. profitable.
So, if, if you want to change yourself or others, but it doesn't work out very well, look for the benefits. Find the benefit - find the cause of your misfortunes. And then compare the happiness that you refuse without changing, and those small pleasures that you have right now. If you understand and compare the scale of big losses and small joys, I think you will want to change your life.
