How do men feel about natural parenting? Natural parenting - panacea or fanaticism? How to Implement Natural Parenting: Most Helpful Books

Surely you have already come across such a term, many books have already been written about this, many women try or at least strive for such a model. There is a lot of controversy and opinion about this. It is worth starting topics like “home birth”, “whether to put”, “whether to use diapers” on some parent forum, as a serious struggle will immediately flare up. Opinions will be very different. Some will be for complete naturalness in everything, others will condemn the first for short-sightedness.

In this book, we talk a lot about living according to nature and striving for the original order of things in motherhood. But I want to emphasize that we are not talking here about what is commonly called “natural parenting”. I would call my view on this - conscious or reasonable motherhood. I must say right away that I am not against a natural approach to motherhood, the birth of children and their upbringing. Many of the principles I actively practice and recommend to others.

But still, I would like this naturalness not to be something externally imposed, but to come from within. There is still a difference between naturalness and reasonableness, and it is significant.

1. The natural approach is the way it is written. And not otherwise.

That is, a mother makes a decision only once, choosing her own path, and then she does as it is written in a very good book. But can all recommendations be suitable for all families? And if mom agrees to all this, did she ask dad about it?

I know situations when a husband left the family because he could no longer endure the “clucking of his wife” (quote verbatim), constantly wet marital bed, in which there was not much space left for him, the wife’s obsession with the child, her refusal to even discuss such things , like a crib, a stroller and baby puree, and the feeling that you are nobody here at all and there is no way to call you, they don’t ask you.

And many mothers do not even try to understand why this is so? Is it possible otherwise? Is it really absolutely impossible? Is it really pathologically harmful? Is it really necessary just like that? They will not turn on their own mind at all, blindly trusting some book. It already looks like some dangerous sect!

But books do not take into account that, and babies are not the same. Different temperaments, habits, inclinations. The fact that one comes easily, for the other is torture, which she will endure "because it is necessary." What one soul completely agrees with, and the other does not agree with, but tries to overcome itself, will bring them different results. And this is worth understanding.

First of all, naturalness should be present in learning to hear yourself and your child and follow your nature with him, so that you and him feel good and joyful together. This is intelligent motherhood.

1. The natural approach takes into account the original data, but does not take into account modern circumstances.

For example, two hundred, three hundred, five hundred years ago, all women gave birth at home. And the majority gave birth well, judging by the fact that humanity not only did not die out, but also grew significantly. True, there is one "but". It was a completely different world. They breathed different air, lived in nature, ate non-GMOs and not chemicals, did not work hard at work for 10-12 hours. That is, they still lived closer to nature, receiving both the pros and cons of such a life.

Now we live differently. And our state of health is very different from these women five hundred years ago. A sedentary lifestyle, a completely unhealthy diet, stress leave their mark on our bodies. Therefore, in the birth of modern women, there are more and more complications. Sometimes doctors just play it safe, sometimes they are lazy, but still quite often there are good reasons for caesarean or stimulation.

If we fanatically strive for naturalness, without considering the conditions of our own lives, instead of a luxurious natural birth at home, we can get tragedy or disappointment.

I am very close to the approach of the world famous Balinese clinic "Bhumi Sehat". She specializes in natural, so-called "lotus" childbirth and tries with all her might to give women just such an experience. And yet they approach this very sensibly, constantly reporting that these are suitable only for those women whose state of health is beyond doubt, whose pregnancy goes without any complications, who leads a healthy lifestyle and is psychologically ready for this.

For everyone else who, despite the difficulties, wants to give birth as gently as possible, Bhumi advises doctors from nearby hospitals who try to make the delivery of their patients as “lotus-like” even in hospital conditions. That is, there is no fanatical division - that childbirth must necessarily be only at home. On the contrary, there is a very reasonable and conscious approach to such an important day in the life of every woman.

1. In today's world, the natural approach demands more from the mother.

I often say that the birth of a child is not only joy and happiness, but also a test and stress. Especially if the child is the first, and the mother had rainbow ponies in her head instead of a real picture.

The desire for naturalness - especially fanatical - can greatly exacerbate this stress. Do you really need it?

For example, we use with children both cribs and strollers. And although babies sleep with us at night, during the day I put them in the crib - for safety reasons, so that the elders do not accidentally trample. And it is very convenient to walk in a stroller with a child, especially if he sleeps well in it. And there is no crime or catastrophe in this. Ultimately, it is convenient and pleasant for all of us, which means it also benefits.

Reasonable motherhood helps to reduce this stress. Because we make our own decisions, consciously. Knowing that it would be ideal to raise a child naked in the countryside, but we live in a metropolis, with different rules and circumstances.

1. Natural parenting is harder to follow if you don't have helpers.

Newborn children constantly go to the toilet - sometimes big, sometimes small. If you train in planting, then you can only do this all day. And, of course, food. Feed and plant, plant and feed. But what about everything else then? With a husband who craves your attention? With a house that is overgrown with neglect? And will you yourself have time to be alone with your own thoughts?

It’s another matter if you live in a large and friendly family, when there is someone to do all the other things, and if you need to leave, you and your child do not change anything in your approach to him. That is, you go about business and know that they will plant him in the same way, they will not feed him mashed meat if you are vegetarians, they will not carry him more likely to the clinic for vaccination. You are calm for the child, he is in good hands, whom you trust, and you have time for yourself and your husband.

But what if there are no such helpers? Is it worth it to drive yourself into the narrowest possible limits, where there is no opportunity to make a mistake or give up slack?

1. Natural parenting should be a joy.

It seems to me that many proponents of naturalness forget about this. That all this should bring both mom and child, and even dad - joy.

Joy during home and natural childbirth. The joy of bodily contact while breastfeeding. The joy of sleeping together and cuddling a little frog in the night. The joy of communicating with the child during the day. The joy of wearing it in a sling when it's so easy to sniff the top of your head and be in close contact. And so on.

If we give birth at home out of fear and with fear, we simply endure breastfeeding, gritting our teeth, do not get enough sleep next to the child and dream of evicting him from the bed - then what is the point of all this? It becomes only torture for each of the parties (or do you think the child does not feel all this?). And what is the use of all this?

1. Place, time, circumstances.

The main thing that every mother should take into account is the initial data of a particular family. By myself, I can say that it is very easy to live without diapers in the summer or in a tropical climate. The child can not be dressed at all, and this is not a serious problem. But if you live, for example, in Siberia, and your house is cold in winter, then the child needs to be dressed. And I would like to dress in such a way that in half an hour I would not have to change clothes again, right?

If the family adheres to a healthy diet, then why not choose the strategy of "pedagogical complementary foods", when the child himself takes from the adult's plates what he likes and eats. But if adults often have something in their dishes that children can’t, and no one is going to change? Then it is much better to make a separate children's table (although this requires more effort and time).

Natural parenting is a popular approach to parenting today. The attitude to this approach, and in particular to its individual principles and methods, is debatable. On the one hand, natural parenting offers long-term breastfeeding, special attention to the baby and his needs, and on the other hand, adherents of this technique are often quite aggressive towards those who do not adhere to it. Some of its principles are also questionable.

Natural parenting, what is it?

This approach to parenting has become increasingly popular in recent years. Its basics and principles are often presented at various courses in preparation for childbirth and motherhood. There are also a large number of books available on the subject.

According to the adherents of this technique, it is necessary to abandon modern “assistants” for child care as much as possible and be closer to nature. So, you should abandon strollers, nipples, bottles, store mixes and other things. In addition, according to this method, it is recommended to give birth at home, without medical interventions, and all vaccinations that are usually done in children's clinics should also be abandoned.

The development of natural development in the world

The first mention of non-traditional education for the Western world appears in European countries and America around the middle of the last century. This period fell on the heyday of the hippie movement, which involved approaching nature, rejecting the benefits of civilization and ignoring some human needs. Many young people who were carried away by this movement began to promote non-vaccination, co-sleeping with a child and other principles that later turned into elements of natural parenting.

The next stage in the development and popularity of this technique came at the end of the 80s, when the globalization of life led to greater contacts with Asian countries. Many European and American people adopted various traditions from them, including approaches to the care and upbringing of children. In the same period, many psychologists and sociologists expressed the opinion that Western methods of education are imperfect and negatively affect the mental and physical development of the child.

In the future, this approach, somewhat transformed, has reached our days, gaining more and more adherents and supporters. Of course, not all of them follow all the principles of natural parenting. Most prefer to choose the most suitable for them, rejecting others who are unreasonable from their point of view.

Principles of Natural Parenting

There are quite a few principles of natural parenting. The main ones can be considered the following:

1. natural childbirth. Based on this theory of caring for a baby and his upbringing, you should give birth at home, refusing as much as possible medical care and interventions. In some branches of this trend, home solo births are assumed, that is, such births when the mother does without outside help at all and gives birth alone. However, many supporters still prefer to give birth in medical facilities, while reducing medical intervention to a minimum.
2. A special attitude to the connection of the child with the mother after birth. It is believed that they cannot be separated. The mother should always be with the baby.
3. Prolonged breastfeeding. According to this method, the child should be breastfed for at least 2-3 years. In this case, weaning can take place according to traditional methods or be postponed until the time when the baby himself does not refuse the breast.
4. Constant tactile contact of the child with the parents, especially with the mother. This means avoiding strollers and carrying your baby in a sling or in your arms. In addition, natural parenting implies that the child should be picked up at his first request.
5. Co-sleeping with mother or both parents.
6. Natural hygiene of infants, that is, the rejection of diapers and diapers.
7. Refusal to vaccinate.
8. Tempering a baby.
9. Maximum refusal to treat a child with medications.
10. Pedagogical food. This means that there is no time frame for starting complementary foods. When the child becomes interested in adult food, then you should begin to introduce him to it, while giving him a portion of the same food that the parents eat. From this principle comes a healthy diet for the whole family. In addition, natural parenting rejects the grinding of food for a child to a state of puree.

We can say that natural parenting brings the upbringing and care of the baby as close as possible to the conditions of nature.

The course of "natural parenting" itself, as well as many of its principles, are often criticized and questioned. Thus, criticism often begins with the very name of the approach. Opponents of this technique say that it is still more artificial than natural. After all, approaches to the care and upbringing of children in different tribes, races, on different continents and countries differ significantly from each other, so it is almost impossible to develop a unified system for raising children.

Another common claim to this technique is that it is quite difficult, and often impossible, to create the conditions necessary for the natural development of a child in the modern world. In addition, there are doubts about the appropriateness of this and the correctness of the rejection of many modern benefits that make it easier to care for a baby. So, for example, the rejection of diapers creates big problems for long walks and travels with a child when it is not possible to drop him off. Independent home births and the refusal of vaccinations and medications endanger the life and health of the child and mother. The constant carrying of the baby in her arms can adversely affect the condition of the parents and reduces the duration of walks.

Another point in which the ideologists of this movement are often accused is the manipulation of parental feelings for material gain. Often courses and schools of natural parenting are closed, and training is conducted on a paid basis. At the same time, one can detect features that resemble sects: faith in the correctness of the teacher's words, the only correct opinion, the irrefutability of postulates, closeness, and so on. Ideologists and teachers who conduct classes, as well as midwives who take birth at home, do not always have a specialized education.

There are also some advantages of a natural approach to raising a child:

• the baby is closer to the mother, which has a positive effect on his mental state, and the mother learns to better understand her child;
• wearing in a sling is often more comfortable than a stroller;
• the benefits of breastfeeding are not in doubt, babies who receive it are less likely to get sick;
• psychologically, a child who is constantly with his parents grows more confident and healthy.

There are also disadvantages of this approach:

• Mom has practically no time for herself and older children. She cannot go somewhere, it is difficult for her to do household chores;
• responsibility for the health and development of the baby lies only with the parents, and they do not always have enough experience and knowledge;
• Often parents feel guilty because they do not have the opportunity to follow all the postulates of the methodology.

Natural parenting - a sect

In itself, the course of "natural parenthood" cannot be considered a sect, it is rather a psycho-cult. Within its borders, there are many areas, such as slingomams, natural nutrition, eco-life, natural care and others. However, there are schools and courses that promote the principles of natural parenting, the activities of which strongly resemble sects. Some of these schools were even closed and banned in our country. In addition, the danger is the refusal of medical care, vaccination and full treatment. This often causes serious health problems for children, and sometimes even their death. Doubts should be raised by organizations that provide courses on natural parenting for a fee and promote the irrefutability of all the principles of this approach.

Natural parenting is a popular approach to raising children in the first years of life, based on the traditions of some tribes in America, Asia and Africa. The attitude towards it (and especially towards its individual methods and principles) in society is rather contradictory. On the one hand, its adherents focus the attention of society on the most important aspects of caring for a baby (attention to the inner world of a child from the first days of life); on the other hand, they often consider themselves and their like-minded people to be the bearers of the ultimate truth, and they treat those who do not share their convictions quite aggressively, which hinders the establishment of a constructive dialogue.

The Secret to the Popularity of Natural Parenting

For the first time, interest in non-Western traditions of education woke up among the general population in Europe and America in the 60s of the last century. This was due to the flourishing of the hippie movement, whose ideologists, not without reason, talked about the crisis of Western civilization, the separation from nature, fatal for our psyche, and ignoring the innate needs of man. On this wave, young people demonstrated a massive enthusiasm for Eastern (primarily Buddhist and Hindu) culture and philosophy, and raising children is the most important element of culture! During these years, the first open advocates of prolonged breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and supporters of non-vaccination appeared.

The second message for the development of the ideology of natural parenting was received in the late 80s and early 90s. This time he came from rather an academic environment. This was due, on the one hand, to the beginning of globalization, thanks to which Western scientists began to actively exchange experience with Asian colleagues, study their achievements in more detail and in detail, and independently explore the traditions of childcare practiced in a different cultural environment. By the way, many of their observations eloquently testified to the advantages of the Asian educational approach.

On the other hand, there was also a strong internal impulse. More and more sociologists and psychologists said that the principles imposed on Western parents (denying the need for close contact with the mother in the first months of life, teaching babies to fall asleep on their own, whose nervous system is not yet ready for this, ignoring crying, etc.) not only imperfect, but also dangerous in terms of their mental health and. From the lips of pediatricians and child psychologists, the message was increasingly heard: society will be much healthier not if all adults are sent to a therapist to treat infant psychological trauma, but if children are initially created such conditions under which these traumas can be avoided.

Thus, a clear “request” for a new educational approach was formed in society, and the ideology of natural parenting became the answer to this request. What principles are guided by its supporters?

Fundamentals of Natural Parenting

Now this term is interpreted quite widely. From the point of view of psychology, such a style of upbringing (in the West, the term attachment parenting is usually used) involves the organic development of the child, the passage of the necessary stages of the formation of self-awareness without any pressure from the outside and, thus, the natural and logical transformation of a being completely dependent on the mother and staying with her in symbiosis, into an independent personality. From the point of view, natural parenting is a certain style of caring for and interacting with a child, including such components as:

• gestation and childbirth with minimal medical intervention (or without it at all);
• continuous breastfeeding on demand without supplementary formula feeding, only after the child is ready for it;
• in the first weeks of life (in extreme cases, the use of kits for “natural swaddling”, the rejection of disposable diapers);
• refusal to use “artificial sedatives” of the child (pacifiers, etc.);
• constant contact between mother and baby from the first minutes of his life (so that the child is constantly with his mother, it is recommended to use a sling);
• rejection of strollers, cribs and other devices designed to keep a child alone in them;
• joint sleep of mother and toddler;
• accustoming a child to “adult” food by the method “;
• refusal to vaccinate, etc.

In fact, supporters of “natural” parenting are trying to reproduce the most “natural” environment for the child, believing that it will create optimal conditions for his development. Is this really so, this is the next question.

"Pros and cons"

Opponents of this educational approach usually begin with a critique of the term itself. They say that the set of methods that is now called “natural parenting” is, in fact, a modern artificial construct. In reality, the approaches to raising infants that exist among the tribes of different continents are often strikingly different from each other and can not always be a role model. For example, in the works of the anthropologist Margaret Mead, popular in the last century, there are such observations: in a number of African tribes, newborns are immediately placed in roughly woven baskets, and parents go about their business, not paying attention to their crying; Pacific Island women are reluctant to breastfeed, and so on. Of course, the parents of any primitive tribes do not do anything with their children, which even the most zealous “naturalists” do not disdain in the West. Thus, say critics of "natural" parenting, one should not idealize primitive tribes too much and blindly adopt their experience.

The second claim is that it is problematic to create all the required conditions in modern society, and simply doubt the expediency of some of them. For example, for a mother who leads an active lifestyle and travels a lot with her child, it will be problematic to regularly plant a little one. A single mother, who herself carries a child in a car, will be tight without a pacifier: a screaming child can simply provoke an emergency. About how reasonable it is to completely refuse vaccinations and give birth at home (especially given the Russian specifics of obstetric care and the peculiarities of our legislative framework), disputes are still being waged “not for life, but for death”.

The third claim concerns, first of all, the “ideologists” of the “natural parent movement”. They are accused of manipulating the feelings of parents for their own benefit, of imposing a guilt complex on mothers whose behavior does not correspond to their standards. In the principles of work of some perinatal centers and schools for parents that promote natural child care, there are even signs of a sect: closeness, unshakable faith in the words of the “teacher”, the inability to question his postulates. At the same time, the “teacher” himself often does not have any specialized education, and his statements do not stand up to scrutiny.

Nevertheless, even the most notorious skeptics recognize the undoubted benefits of natural parenting. This is the popularization of breastfeeding, and the development of the idea of ​​the importance of establishing contact between mother and child in the first year of life, and in general the desire to get rid of false values ​​and many unnecessary, in fact, the benefits of civilization and return to the roots.

Natural parenthood (from the English. natural parenting) is the desire to raise children, the way our ancestors did in primitive times. The basic idea is that a mother knows best what her baby needs. She has intuition in order to understand the signs that the child gives her.

Supporters of the approach suggest developing this intuition in yourself in order to be on the same wavelength with the child. Another important postulate of the method is the rejection of devices that are unnatural for a child by nature (such as bottles, dry mixes, diapers, as well as baby beds, cradles, playpens, strollers, walkers and jumpers). “Natural parents” try not to let medical personnel in during pregnancy and childbirth, not to be separated from the child when he is still very small, to use medicines to a minimum, and not to vaccinate children.

Elements of Natural Parenting

2. Stay with the baby after childbirth.

4. Maximum body contact - wearing in a sling, co-sleeping in the parent's bed, avoiding wheelchairs.

Cons of the natural approach

1. Mom has practically no opportunity to relax: go out alone somewhere, put the baby in a playpen or walker, give him a pacifier. She has little personal space - her place and time.

2. In this case, all responsibility is on the parents. She does not share with teachers, the district pediatrician or kindergarten teachers.

3. Due to the large number of rules (“A good mother breastfeeds until two years old”), parents can often feel guilty if they do something not as prescribed.