How to start a conversation: step by step instructions. Secrets of the Speaker. How to start a conversation, keep the conversation going and be an interesting conversationalist at the same time How to start a conversation with

Yes, the problem is not simple. You sit, look at his or her photo on social networks, like it ... But how to start a correspondence? What would you say, so as not to repel, to interest, to please in the end. We will not blur the topic, sharing how to start a correspondence with a guy, like a girl, like a man, like a woman. Let's just try to look at the main options for starting a conversation with a stranger.

Correspondence: motives

In general, start with why you are writing to this person, that is, find out your motives. You will need to focus on them in the future, it depends on them what and how you write. To make it easier for you to get started, here are the most common motives that encourage people to write to strangers:

1. You liked the person in the photo, and you want to get to know each other better (by the way, find out here too if you want to make a friend or maybe even thinking about starting a relationship);
2. You just got bored and want to brighten up your pastime;
3. You want to show yourself, so to speak, brag about yourself for self-affirmation;
4. Your motive is to make useful acquaintances, contacts in a certain field or environment.

Where to begin

So, based on the motives we have proposed, let's try to consistently see how to start a correspondence with a girl or a guy on a social network.

Motive - sympathy

Perhaps the most common motive. It is logical that your goal is to please too.

1. Since you can start a correspondence in a contact, for example, not only with a personal message, you can use this. Comment on any photo of a person with an original comment. Although, to be honest, if a person is interested in you, then a simple comment on the photo, for example, of his dacha, such as: "how beautiful!" If you are not so interesting, then even the most original comment is more likely to be ignored. But there are always exceptions! In the end, a person may simply not notice your writings. So take your time and move on.
2. Banality. Write simply: “Hi, no, we don’t know each other, I just wanted to say hello to you.” Focus on the individual - "with you". And then how will it go.
3. You can start a conversation with a compliment. For the most part, this is the lot of young people, however, a girl can afford it. The main thing here is sincerity (be honest at least with yourself), write compliments if you really want to do it.
4. You can pretend to be wrong. The full namesake of your classmate (tsy), well, confused, with whom it does not happen. Perhaps the conversation will start.
5. Write that you know the face, could you meet somewhere. You remember your sweet face very much.
6. On the Internet you can find funny phrases, such as: “are there angels on earth?”, hinting that she is an angel (this is more about how to start a conversation with a girl). Although, for sure, there are similar “phrases” for guys too.

Rule to follow: do not try to drastically close the distance, it scares and repels (both guys and girls). Start acquaintance gradually, with abstract topics.

The main thing here is to rely on your main goal. You have to please the person. So build the whole conversation so that he (she) is pleasant to you. After all, there is such a phenomenon in psychology: we like those who like us. So show your affection.

Motive - boredom

Well, you can start anywhere. Your goal is to brighten up loneliness and get rid of boredom.

1. You can start right like this: "hello, I'm writing because I'm sad (put pressure on pity). I thought (a) this can be fixed by talking to a nice person."
2. You can come up with a topic, absolutely any, and offer to discuss it. It's good if you write questions, because it will be easier for a person to answer. And then, if the conversation starts, then he will start asking. The main thing is not to forget that you are writing, just do not jump to talking only about yourself, be sure to also ask about the person.

Motive - self-affirmation

Actually, you probably already caught the essence of our presentation. The goal is to increase your own self-esteem.

Put your favorite photo on the avatar and show off.

Motive - benefit, benefit

You have found a person in a field whose connections are useful to you. Your goal is to show interest.

Start the conversation in the topic, area with which your interest is connected. There will be two parallel lines of conversation here: You need to interest the person in yourself (ie, to please him, as discussed above) and show your interest in the "case". You don't have to start from afar, you need to immediately show that you are interested in "the opportunity to join a club", "to do this and that". Make a person an expert, ask, show him that he is smart (admire).

With the advent of the Internet and social networks, almost the whole world appeared before people. It would seem that it could be easier than writing a girl you like on the Internet, it is much more difficult to talk to her in real life. Despite this, many guys do not know for sure how to start a conversation with a girl on the Internet in order to make the right impression for a future relationship.

Most often, ignorance and self-doubt accompany young and inexperienced guys. Leading psychologists are ready to help with advice and recommendations on how to communicate with a girl on the Internet so that communication smoothly turns into real friendship and relationships. To do this, you need to learn as much as possible about the girl, plan topics for future communication, and also consider possible options for dating.

How to start a conversation with a girl on social networks?

Psychologists say that you need to start communication in such a way that the girl has a desire to continue acquaintance and friendship in real life. Unfortunately, not all guys have the skills to communicate with the opposite sex, making typical mistakes that spoil the overall impression of them.

How to conduct a dialogue on a social network psychologists share advice, namely:

• before communication, a man needs to adjust his page by filling in all the fields with personal information, as well as adding photos, since rarely does anyone respond to a message to a guy with an empty profile;
• after that, the guy needs to study the page of the object of sympathy, looking at her interests, hobbies and occupation;
• it is better to refuse all kinds of banal phrases for correspondence, it is rare when a girl will enthusiastically respond to messages like “Hi, how are you?”;
• when meeting on the Internet, it is better to start a conversation with neutral topics, be it cinema, literature, music, art, etc.;
• no need to throw out all the information about your life at the first opportunity, to maintain a keen interest on her part, some kind of understatement is needed;
• in addition to stories about yourself, you must definitely show interest in the girl in return, asking questions and being interested in her opinion on various situations in life.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family Relations Expert. Family psychologist.

Before meeting a girl, you need to make sure that the man’s page contains only true information. No need to upload other people's photos, posing as a handsome man, jock or a millionaire. This format of communication will never develop into a real relationship, and sooner or later lies will be revealed.

Online greeting

If a man decides to communicate with a girl via SMS via the Internet, a competent greeting on the network will help create the most favorable impression about him. As a rule, a greeting is built in several stages:

1. motive- a man forms the purpose of his message in a conversation, for example, “Hello. I saw your comments in the group about domestic cinema, I decided to consult with you about worthy new cinema products.
2. Common interests- on the girl's page you can see photos showing her main hobbies and activities. Against this background, you can start a fascinating conversation, for example, "I saw your photo from the gym, and I'm just looking for a good gym for training." Thanks to this topic of communication, you can predict in advance where you can meet a girl in real time.
3. Request for help- girls like to help because of their sensuality and emotionality, so you can write a message in the style of “Hello. My sister has a birthday soon, can you tell me what girls prefer at such a young age? During such a conversation, you can note for yourself what gift options she herself accepts.
4. Acquaintance- most girls love romance, so you can start a greeting with phrases such as “Beautiful stranger, do you believe that dreams can come true? Today I saw a girl in a dream, insanely similar to you, and then I meet you here ... ". Surely, most girls will be imbued with this approach of a man to get to know her.

It is much easier to get acquainted with a girl if a man has common acquaintances with her. This may be the occasion for the first greeting on the network. In any case, a man should be courteous and polite, not pile up a girl with too much information, but also not be banal and boring. Humor is the best way to lighten the mood and make chatting easy.

How to build a dialogue in social networks?

In the course of communicating on the Internet with a girl, in order to please her, psychologists strongly recommend that men follow a few simple rules. Namely:

• study of the positive- when communicating, you can use humor, not confusing it with sarcasm, and also avoiding sad stories;
• grammatically correct speech- most girls do not like grammatical errors, so a man needs to carefully review everything that he writes;
• politeness- a man should always say hello before communication, avoid rude expressions, obscene speech, vulgar and vulgar phrases;
• intrigue- as soon as the girl responded with interest, in order to stir up interest in herself, you can disappear from sight for a couple of days;
• showing interest- the most successful course of the conversation concerns questions about the girl, her hobbies, activities, interests, etc .;
• diversity- a man needs to periodically change the tactics of communication, then be brutal and daring, then soft and romantic, revealing new facets of his personality.

Do you use emoticons while chatting online?

YesNo

During the rapprochement, you can ask for a phone number to communicate in addition to the Internet via SMS, wishing good morning and good night. This will show the girl that a man thinks about her in the morning, just waking up, and also worry about her in the evenings.

What to communicate?

If at the first communication it is easy due to ignorance of anything about each other, then in the future difficulties may arise. Most guys are at a loss about what to communicate with a girl every day, what topics to prefer so that the conversation is lively, easy and relaxed. No one will be interested in texting for hours about the weather, and constantly using dialogue examples is not an option.

With the help of different topics, a man needs to find out a few points about a girl:

• hobbies, interests and hobbies;
• how many friends and girlfriends the girl has;
• How often is she online?
• what movies and TV shows she has been watching lately;
• is she interested in art;
• what kind of music does he listen to, etc.

Thanks to such information in real life, you can come up with many ideas for dates and meetings. At the same time, it is important to ask questions not in the format of a questionnaire and survey, but smoothly and naturally. Forbidden topics relate to her former relationships and boyfriends, sexual relations, vulgar jokes and anecdotes, the shortcomings of a man's ex-girlfriends. Also, a man should not complain about other people, difficulties in life and problems.

How to overcome the fear of dating

For modest and shy men who do not know how to overcome the fear of communicating with the opposite sex, what to talk about and correspond with when meeting on the Internet, psychologists offer some important tips. Namely:

• you can go to meet a girl if she is an active member of the same forum as the man in the chat, and then go to private messages;
• with the help of self-hypnosis, you can convince yourself of a positive outcome of acquaintance with a girl;
• to gain communication skills, you need to put yourself more often in conditions in which you need to communicate with strangers;
• as little as possible you need to worry about your appearance and image during communication;
• to be sure about some topics of conversation with a girl, you can share her hobby with her (watch her favorite movies, read books, play the same sport).

Conclusion

Chatting with a girl on the Internet seems like a simple task until a man sees a stranger who won his heart. It immediately seems that communication can start wrong, all options and ideas fly out of my head on how to start an acquaintance. Psychologists are ready to help, offering simple rules on how to make an acquaintance, greet a girl, where to start communication and continue it daily. It is only important to turn communication into real meetings in time, if mutual interest is felt from the girl.

"I decided to marry her. Courtship seemed to me an empty formality. But how to start? "Would you like chewing gum?" - it's too simple. "Hello!" - too familiar to meet a future bride. "I love you! I'm just burning with passion! "- too frankly. "I want you to become the mother of my children!" - a little premature. So I didn’t say anything. A few minutes passed, the bus stopped, and she got off. I never saw her again.

End of story.

Talking to a stranger is very easy if you know how to do it. Here are some easy ways to choose from.

First, look for people who are open to conversation. Most of them are happy to be able to talk to a stranger, but you can also run into someone who prefers to be alone and is not too interested in communication.

If a person smiles at you, looks at you, if his arms and legs are relaxed, or if his legs are crossed in the direction of you, then he non-verbally shows his interest in you.

Members of the opposite sex may show interest in other ways, such as straightening their hair, pulling at clothes, stroking a part of the body or the arm of a chair, allowing you to catch the gaze directed at you and holding that gaze before looking away.

Once you've chosen a person to talk to, the next step is to smile, make eye contact, and then actually talk.

While many people find it difficult to choose the right opening for a conversation, research shows that your first words play very little role. However, negative phrases do not stimulate the interlocutor to continue the conversation, and if this does happen, then the tone of the conversation will be boring or boring. Imagine that a man meets a woman in a nightclub with the words: "Oh, how I do not like this loud music!" It is quite obvious that in response he will hear: "Well, why don't you leave?"

Your words should not be too smart or full of deep meaning. A simple remark will suffice. What is really important is to use every opportunity to make contact and keep the conversation going. If your interlocutor is interested, he or she will surely give you some supporting information that will help you find common interests and continue the conversation on a more personal level.

Finding a topic for conversation is very easy. It is best to choose from the following:

situation;

companion;

The best way to start a conversation is by asking a question, expressing an opinion, or stating a fact.

The main goal of the conversation is to interest the interlocutor, so it would still be better to start with a question. Closed questions are also suitable, as you don't have to ask too many. Speaking an opinion also stimulates conversation better than just stating a fact. When you report that the bus is late today or that the weather is wonderful, you don't involve the other person in the conversation. Then he or she may try to engage you by asking a question or expressing his own opinion, but it is quite possible that he will not do this.

Situation talk

Starting a conversation about the situation you and your partner are in is the best and easiest way to start a conversation. Such a topic does not provoke anxiety, as, for example, talking about the interlocutor, and is much more involved in the conversation than talking about yourself.

To start a conversation about a situation, look around and find something interesting or surprising. Use a "dual" perspective: find a subject that your potential interlocutor is sure to be interested in and about which he will talk with pleasure. The easiest way to do this is if you are both in the same seminar, or working together, or going to the same group, such as the Single Parents Union, Alcoholics Anonymous, or the same club.

After you have asked a question or expressed your opinion, listen carefully to the answer. Let's give some examples. Remember that suggestions are better than nothing, and it's better to say something than to say nothing.

At the races: "Who do you think will win? Why do you think so?"

In an art gallery: "What do you think the artist wanted to say?" (Alan Garner spent an hour in front of a Picasso asking this question, and was so carried away by the emerging conversations that he did not notice how he asked the same question a second time to a person who returned to the same picture again. The second time, Alan's interlocutor replied: "To be honest, I don't think Picasso wanted to say anything new in the last twenty-five minutes." They both laughed. Alan said that he was collecting material for a new book, and they talked about it for quite some time.)

In line for tickets: "What did you hear about this film (play)? Why did you decide to see it?"

In the store: "I noticed that you buy artichokes. I've always wondered what can be done with them?"

In a conversation with a neighbor: "You have a great lawn. How did you manage to achieve this?" or "What are you doing?"

In the elevator: "Looks like we're in the slowest elevator in the world!" (At first glance, this phrase may seem terrible, but your interlocutor can compare the elevator you are in with others, which will give ground for further conversation.)

In an automatic laundry: "How do I turn on this machine?", "What kind of powder do you use?" (One woman cheerfully told how she poured too much powder, and, returning later, found that soap suds were coming out of the car! The conversation became general, and then gradually turned to vitamins, because the topic became different - is always the more the better?) "Excuse me, where should I put the powder?" (At these words, the woman added that her powder was much better than the one she used in Hungary, after which the conversation turned to the situation in Hungary.)

In the classroom: "How do you like our teacher?", "I was not there yesterday. What did you pass?", "What do you think will be on the exam?"

At the interview: "Why did you decide to go into this business?"

At a party: "How did you get here?" (Such a phrase is still better than if you just ask, "Have we met before?" Allan Pease used this phrase several times to test how people react to him. The most memorable answer was: Surely - I work at a zoo.)

Conversation about the interlocutor

Most people like to talk about themselves, so they tend to be happy to answer questions about themselves. Before entering into such a conversation, observe what your interlocutor does, how he is dressed, what he says, what he reads. We advise you to think about what topic will be of interest to him.

At a party: "What an interesting jacket. What does the emblem on the lapel mean?"

Outside: "Looks like you're lost. Can I help you?"

At a sports competition: "You are the best player here. How do you train?"

After the meeting: "You made a very interesting remark. Tell me, why do you think that solar energy will not be used for a long time?"

In a conversation with a policeman: "I would like to serve in the police. How can I do this?"

When meeting an acquaintance: "I think we met at the Joyces' party? My name is Allan. How did you meet the Joyces?"

Passing someone on a run in the park or the coast: "Hey, do you want to race?" (The usual reaction to such a proposal is laughter. You, too, can laugh, then shut up and continue the conversation. If the interlocutor does not answer, then this is the only beginning that allows you to immediately run away.)

During a run: "What shoes do you have? Why did you choose these?"

At the restaurant: "Can I join you?" (Author Henry Miller never ate alone and often used this phrase. Just imagine how many people he met. He would never meet them if he just sat at a free table. Our experience shows that 20 percent of people turn down such proposals, but at the same time they apologize and explain that they are waiting for a friend or just want to work during lunch.)

Some psychologists recommend friendly phrases that clearly demonstrate your disposition towards the interlocutor. Let's take an example. "Hi! You look mysterious. I'd like to get to know you." Or "Hi! I've already seen you several times and thought it would be time for us to get to know each other." These experts believe that such an opening makes a much better impression on the interlocutors and is more useful than neutral phrases. We are all surrounded by such a huge number of people that it is very important to make the right impression. The main thing that people usually lack to use such a beginning is courage!

Talk about yourself

If you talk about yourself, especially with closed people, then the conversation has little chance of continuing. As Dale Carnegie once remarked, people are much more comfortable talking about themselves than they are about you. Never talk about yourself until you've been asked. If the interlocutor does not ask you about your family, profession, interests or property, then he is not interested.

If your fellow travelers turned out to be timid or, conversely, you are shy and don’t know how to start a conversation, use a few life hacks.

Ask questions

The easiest way to start a conversation is to ask something. There are many options here. Many people don't like being asked about their destination. Although it should be noted that in a compartment or reserved seat of a train, such a question is quite logical. But still remember that the phrase "Where are you going?" Not the best conversation starter. It is better to ask about the city of departure (in the format “I liked it or not”).

Another win-win option is to find out the person’s opinion about something. Yes, at least about the train or carriage in which you are traveling. Important: when asking such a question, listen carefully to the answer. You will surely find something to cling to in order to talk to the interlocutor.

Increase emotional balance

When the conversation has already begun, try to apply an economic strategy to it. Imagine that you have emotional investments and loans. The first - with a plus sign, the second, respectively, with a minus. Your task is to increase your balance during the conversation. Use more emotional investment and borrow less. And now let's figure out what's what.

Emotional investments are correct body language, agreement with the interlocutor, frequent use of the name of the participant in the dialogue, appropriate jokes, attentive listening, encouraging the interlocutor's ideas, showing interest in his opinion.

Emotional loans - incorrect body language, disagreement with the interlocutor, long monologues about yourself, personal, vulgar questions, flattery, lies.

So, we take the beginning of the conversation as a starting point. The dialogue starts. The score is 0:0.

Use body language

You can and should use body language to start a conversation and then keep it productive. If you want to win over a potential interlocutor, avoid a closed posture (crossed legs, crossed arms, clasped fingers, etc.). Many advise copying the body language of the interlocutor. But at the initial stage of the conversation, this may not work or, even worse, it will work from a completely different perspective. Instead of winning over your compartment neighbor, you will irritate him. Blind copying of movements is too noticeable. Do not be zealous, and then you will get the desired result.

Copying body language is best when the conversation is in full swing. But do it infrequently. The ideal option is at the most interesting moments of the interlocutor's story about himself or about what is important and significant for him.

Change the pace of the conversation

The pace of a conversation can tell a lot about the participants in the conversation. Self-confident people who are in a calm state and in a good mood speak at an average pace. Those who are nervous, who want to impress, who strive to seem better than they are, noticeably frequent in the conversation.

Have you noticed a fast paced conversation? Correcting it is pretty easy. To begin with, when starting a conversation with a potential interlocutor, just exhale. And then try to breathe measuredly, evenly.

And one more important point: compliment your interlocutors. By the way, you can start a conversation with a compliment. Just do it right. A good compliment is a powerful communication tool. And he should touch on what is important for the interlocutor, what he may be proud of. It can be anything from a good figure to expensive accessories.

Conversations “about everything and about nothing” are not given to everyone. Many do not see the point in such conversations, but meanwhile they fulfill their useful role - they help to defuse the situation, instantly adapt to a new company and earn sympathy in it, smooth out embarrassment and unobtrusively establish contacts (including business ones). For someone, becoming one's own among strangers after 5 minutes of dating is. If you're not one of them, here are a few tips on how to start a conversation with a stranger the right way.

1 question

The most standard way to start a conversation is to ask a question. And many use it, but it's not always true. For example, questionnaires from the series “Where do you work?”, “How many children do you have?” the interlocutor will at least seem tactless and, as a maximum, will be forced to retreat. But the vague wording "What do you do?" will be appropriate in any circumstances, especially if the audience is present at the event on duty.

Further, it would be logical to ask how the event went or what happened before your appearance if the interlocutor was present at the event before you. The question "What brings you here?" will help to understand whether a person is disposed to new acquaintances. Depending on the answer, you can tell, for example, about a past or upcoming conference / premiere from your calendar, which may be of interest to a new acquaintance.

Once you have trust, you can afford to ask more personal questions: “What are you doing today/this week?”.

2. Compliment

The easiest way to win over the interlocutor and start a conversation is. Of course, this will work more in a female audience, but with men, you can improvise something more original than “you look great.” You can, for example, catch on to an element of a suit, praising a tie, cufflinks or an overall elegant look, pay attention to a hairstyle or a rested /. One has only to keep in mind that in different countries a stranger will perceive the same compliment differently (the French may decide that you are flirting), however, one way or another, the conversation will start.

3. Asking for help

Sometimes the most insignificant request for help or, on the contrary, resourceful or humorous advice to a stranger can result in an interesting acquaintance and a long conversation. Moreover, you can be cunning and ask for advice from a stranger (stranger), even if you don’t really need it. People love to help, because it gives them a sense of need and satisfaction, and they will never refuse a small request, advice or competent opinion, being, for example, an expert in a field that, quite by chance, is the object of your interest.

4. Non-personal topics

At the beginning of the acquaintance, both interlocutors will be comfortable if the conversation does not touch on personal topics to one degree or another. The easiest way to start a conversation is where you are at the moment, the speakers heard and seen there, projects, music, and the like. For example, you decide to talk to one of the guests at the wedding about the scenario of the celebration, praise the bride's dress, cake, which will make a good impression on the stranger, and then ask him (her) opinion on this matter. No matter what direction the conversation takes, it will not be difficult to support it.

5. A little about myself

If you know that the subject of interest to you is a man of few words or shy, then it is better to use the reverse of rule number 1 when the conversation begins with a question about him. Taking the initiative in a conversation, you will have to pull the blanket over yourself and tell the interlocutor something about yourself that will interest him. For example, something curious that you recently learned in the context of this business lunch, or your opinion on the menu at the birthday party of a mutual friend, where you both ended up. As they say, frankness for frankness: seeing your openness, a stranger will relax, imbue you with some confidence and, perhaps, want to open up in response.