How to understand which of your friends is real? True friend: how to understand that a person is a good friend When asked who is your true friend

If we spend a lot of time with a person, wandering through city cafes or chatting on the phone, this does not mean that a real friend is next to us. Mistakes in fake friends can cost us dearly - from a specific evil in our personal lives to the collapse of a career, and when we come across a false relationship that was considered friendly, we can experience a sea of \u200b\u200bdestructive emotions: from a slight sobering shock to a severe life disappointment. How to determine who is in front of you - friend or foe?

And it's easier to define than you think. The main thing is not to deceive yourself and take an objective look at the relationship. If a “friend” brings negativity into your life, if you constantly feel morally “beaten” in the process of communication, if you don’t understand why his mood deteriorates in the presence, and with indirect participation, troubles and losses occur, you should think carefully about whether to continue trusting relationship.

What are the signs of a "fake" friendship?

The real attitude is in the little things. Observe how the person you consider a friend treats you. Does he push you into negative habits, does he quarrel with loved ones? Was it such that due to meeting with him you got into trouble - you drank too much, deceived a loved one, experienced real damage, moral or material? Does your friend often break promises? Doesn't he only show up when he needs something? Helped you when you were in trouble? Did you support in joy? Does he often lie to you? Honest answers to such questions will not allow you to abide.

No need to see hidden enemies in all people, communication with which brings trouble. It is important to understand who is in front of you - a conscious enemy or an unconscious ill-wisher? Conscious enemy secretive, it is precisely it that is most difficult to bring "to clean water." Such a person has been preparing a trap for another for years, if he wants to avenge something. Sometimes a secret enemy, deftly pretending to be a friend, enters into trust so much that then it can easily destroy your whole life - both personal and social. With those who unconsciously harm you, you will feel awkward, bad luck and chronic fatigue.

Your friend is a loser or a gray person, he does not apply for anything in life? In such people, there is often unconscious envy, jealousy, or the desire to lower your "rating" in order to balance inferiority complexes. If a friend emphasizes a lack of ambition, know that he will try his best to subtly lower your self-esteem, pull you down. Such friends often help you to become the same gray, uninteresting loser, it is easier for them to communicate with you.

dangerous quiet envious. Does your friend keep their eyes on your companion or companion? Speaks out loud flattering compliments to your soul mate, emphasizing your loyalty during small misunderstandings or temporary discord? Admires the car, the house, and at the same time says that he would like the same benefits, but "not with his happiness"? You should be extremely careful in dealing with such people. It is these quiet people who take girls and guys away, "hook up" at work, blurt out the secrets you have entrusted to your ill-wishers, or gossip and discuss you behind your back.

A true friend- not necessarily a comfortable person. He may resent if he feels an inequality in the relationship, he will require help using all your opportunities and connections in order to become equal. He will not discuss his "half", comparing with yours, will not tear him away from his family and hold him over a glass of beer if they are waiting for you at home. Your success will be perceived with undisguised joy and admiration, despite the playful quip that you do not deserve such luck. A real friend can make you a scandal if he feels inattention and disregard, he will tell you the truth in your face - but he will do it in private, and not in public. Criticizing the fruits of your activities, he will definitely tell you how to improve the situation. He is not sorry for the time if you have trouble, although outwardly this is sometimes accompanied by grumbling. He might have a bad temper! But this person has the main quality: he will never betray you.

We get to know people, communicate, get to know each other better and, based on what we hear or see, we draw conclusions whether a person is pleasant to us or not. On an intuitive level, we enjoy communicating with like-minded people. But how do you know if friendships are mutual?

Instruction

As the simple truth says, a friend in need is a friend. But the trouble is different. For a student, a real misfortune is a test for which he did not prepare. Will a friend help him out in this case? He can let him write off, if only he would stop poking a pen at him, or he can intentionally turn away to give a lesson for life, showing what frivolity leads to. At the same time, he will sincerely regret his refusal to help. When trouble happens, and many turn away, you need to turn to those who are nearby. It is those units that remained at a difficult moment to support a person not only in word, but also in deed, worthy of being called.

A true friend will always stand up for his comrade, even if the power is on the other side, and reprisal is inevitable. That's what friends are for, to get into stories together and just as amicably and together get out of them. A doubting friend, at best, will call someone else, or retreat from the scene.

To test a friend for strength, you can create an artificial problem yourself. For example, spread an unpleasant rumor about yourself and wait for the reaction of friends. Those friends who support the rumor about an unpleasant story and begin to whisper with other comrades about this, promoting the rumor to the masses, are not worthy of being called friends. And whoever swallowed a fictitious rumor, as if it did not exist, continuing to communicate with you sincerely, he is recognized as the best and most reliable friend. It happens that sincere friends are very difficult to meet in life, not everyone passes the test, but, nevertheless, confidence in one's neighbor never hurts.

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Sometimes it is very difficult to determine who is our friend and who is our enemy. We often mistake for loved ones those who are capable of betrayal. This happens because there are rules of decency, which for some develop into flattery. So it seems that if a person smiles, says nice things, then he is a friend. But it turns out it's not so simple. So how can you recognize that very, true friend, whose words and actions are absolutely sincere?

Instruction

Remember that a loved one will never spare time for you. He will gladly agree to meet, find a "window" even in the busiest schedule. He will not look for excuses and reasons not to see each other, but, on the contrary, he will try to find a reason for such a pleasant event. Shopping, lunch in a cafe, a walk - everything will be accepted with a smile. And how sincere she is, you have to understand.

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While driving on the highway, many motorists and professional drivers often use various gestures to communicate with each other. To understand each other on the road, you will have to study the special language of headlights and turn signals, the unwritten laws of the track and other nuances.

Instruction

If this is your first time driving a car and you don’t yet know how to understand each other on, first learn the language of turn signals and headlights, which is available to absolutely all “experienced” drivers. First, find out how, through signals, professional drivers give signs to each other for a long time while driving along. If you notice how the driver of the car from the next row is trying to wish you gestures and frantically beeping, keep in mind that this signal indicates some kind of problem with your car and the other driver is trying to inform you about it. For example, your car may be lowered, the back door is ajar, or the gas tank hatch is open.

To understand each other on the road, secondly, consult with professional drivers, including the instructor of your driving school. They will surely tell you how the signals are given, combined thanks to the beacons of the turn signals, headlights and the inclusion of an alarm. So, remember the most popular signal among drivers - when a car driving towards you flashes its headlights twice briefly, including only the high beam. This sign may warn that a traffic police officer with a radar is waiting for you on the highway after a hundred meters. Pay close attention to the uninterrupted short signals given by high-beam headlights, as such signs are a timely warning of increased danger along your route.

It can be a pole that has fallen on the track, a fallen tree, an accident, repair work, and a large unfenced pit - obstacles that every driver must prepare for. Thirdly, the unwritten laws of the highway provide warnings to other road users about their future maneuvers, and many such signs are not included in the traffic rules. Therefore, when driving, always look to see if other drivers are making “secret signs” for you. Many of the signals relate to one of the most difficult maneuvers - overtaking the next car in front in the oncoming lane.

If you still decide to get out on the car, be sure to turn on the left turn signal, as provided for in the traffic rules, but leaving it on until the end of the maneuver, you thereby show the motorists following you that the passage after you is absolutely safe for them. But having noticed an oncoming car ahead, as soon as you have time to line up in the right lane for you, immediately turn off the left turn signal and turn on the right one - by this action you will warn the drivers following you that such overtaking becomes dangerous for them.

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The question of whether friendship between a man and a woman is possible did not arise from scratch. Often friendly participation is perceived as something big, and the collapse of hopes becomes the cause of painful experiences.

Instruction

If you are not going to change the format of relations with your friend, try not to provoke him to take active steps to win your heart. Don't flirt with him or engage in ambiguous conversations that he might interpret as encouragement.

Ask him what he appreciates in, and then talk about your ideal man so that your friend does not have the illusion that you are talking about him. To be sure, you can add: "I have not yet met such a person, and it is not known if I will." If you have a close man, let your friend know about it if necessary.

Say more often, “You are a true friend” or “Thanks to you, I was convinced that friendship between a man and a woman exists,” if you think that he is counting on a warmer relationship. At the same time, you should not gently squeeze his hand, looking into his eyes and smiling invitingly.

If the guy nevertheless decided to declare his love, say simply and firmly something like: “I treat you very well, you are a wonderful person, and many girls will be happy to meet. And I love you as a friend and how. Let's not complicate things and ruin our relationship."

If necessary, you can introduce a friend to your boyfriend. Let your friend make sure that you are not going to part with your loved one. Otherwise, unfounded hopes can harbor illusions for a long time, prolonging his suffering.

You can try to introduce your friend to a nice girl who you think he might like and take his attention away from you. Even if this does not happen, the guy will understand that you really treat him exclusively in a friendly way, wish him happiness, but do not see him as a groom or lover.

Decency

Evaluate how decently your friend behaves towards you. A true comrade will not use you for his own purposes. When a person can easily refuse an appointment with you or calls only if he feels bad, think about whether you need such a friend.

Determine how honest your friend is with you. If a loved one often deceives you, then he has something to hide. True friends should share their innermost thoughts, or at least not mislead each other. Otherwise, there can be no question of any sincere relationship.

What matters is how your friend treats you. Notice if he behaves kindly, on an equal footing, or tries to assert himself at your expense with the help of innocent, at first glance, witticisms and exposing you to others in a far from favorable light.

Support

Consider how much you can rely on your friend. A reliable friend will always try to help you, unlike just a good friend. Recall situations when you asked this individual for a favor. If you've been rejected most of the time, this might not be the person for you.

See how your friend is able to listen, understand and support you. A true comrade will try to understand your problem. And if your friend does not ask you clarifying questions, does not give any comments, and does not react in any way to your presentation of his problems, this person may be too fixated on himself, or he is not really interested in you.

A true friend will try to take care of you. If you do not feel any support, perhaps this person's attitude towards you is not entirely sincere. Pay attention to whether this individual respects you, whether he accepts your interests and shortcomings in your character.

Looking at yourself

Before assessing how loyal your friend is to you, look at your behavior. Maybe your friend's attitude is a consequence of how you treat him. If you yourself sometimes use it, do not miss the chance to play a trick on him, do not give him support and respect, do not seek to get close to a friend and find common interests, you can only count on the same attitude.

Therefore, before conducting an audit among your friends and criticizing their actions, think about whether you yourself know how to be friends, and whether you are worthy of a true friend. A true comrade is a kindred spirit and a gift of fate. It must be protected and appreciated. If you don’t know how to do this yet, then don’t expect such treatment of yourself.

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The strongest friendship is the one that began in early childhood. Since you saw this person from an early age, you know a lot about him, just like he knows about you.

True and strong friendship in life should be felt and felt by every person with all his soul. This is wonderful.

If this is your person, then he will support you in all your endeavors, inspire confidence and encourage you. If this does not happen, then he is not interested in your life and your problems, and, consequently, you.

A good friend knows how to listen, as well as share his own experience on the situation you need.

A true friend trusts you with personal secrets and doesn't share yours. He is not afraid to be deceived, as he trusts you as himself.

A friend will not leave you if you find yourself in a difficult life situation. And only try to help get out of it without consequences. Appreciate it. Try to make your friend also feel needed.

Consider if your friend has other reasons to be friends with you. If you come to the conclusion that you need him, then this is your man! Try to keep your friendship with him.

Every day we communicate with a huge number of people. Some communicate only in order to extract some benefit for themselves. How to determine which of your friends is real, and who is just using you? In the article, we will give valuable advice that will help you recognize a devoted friend and all those who should not be trusted. So a true friend is...

Pay attention to what friends say

Listen to what your friend says in front of other people. Is his attitude towards you changing due to the presence of your mutual acquaintances? Remember, a true friend should support you in any situation, even if you are in the minority with him and the rest of the company protests against your decision. Pay attention to whether you feel more relaxed next to a friend. If you have a trusting relationship, then his presence should cheer you up. Remember, did a friend say that you would not succeed, did he dissuade you from trying to fulfill some old dream? If such conversations were between you, then most likely a friend is just jealous of you, you should not expect support from such a person, he can leave you alone at the most inopportune moment. A true friend will support any of your undertakings and not only in words!

A true friend will always notice your new clothes, haircut, or academic achievements. And if your girlfriend prefers to talk only about herself, then she is not interested in you. Remember the last time you heard praise or a compliment from your friend? Does she support you before important exams or a date with a guy you are not indifferent to? The old adage that a friend in need is a friend is still relevant today. As you can see, first you need to take a closer look at what your best friend says, and perhaps already at this stage you will understand that your girlfriend is not sincere with you.

A true friend always listens to you with interest!

In the previous paragraph, we already mentioned that real friends talk not only about themselves, but also about a friend, and with sincere genuine interest and a desire to help. Think about how often you and your friend talk about your problems and worries? Doesn't she switch the topic to herself as soon as the opportunity presents itself? A real friend should not only listen to you, but also give good advice! Try checking your friend if you can't answer the question with confidence: does your friend listen to you and how attentively. Talk to her about some of your life situation and pay attention to her reaction, especially to her eyes and facial expressions: a person listens carefully if he shows participation: nods, does not break eye contact and is not distracted by extraneous noises.

And if a girlfriend begins to look around, answer inappropriately and check the phone every minute, she is not interested. You can remind her of this conversation after a while and see how much she remembers from what you told her. All people are selfish, but your best friend should be sincerely interested in your life. If not, your girlfriend may be taking advantage of you. Let's say right away: you should not look for excuses for her, because you would remember that she fell in love or wants to connect her future with journalism? So she should be interested in you too.

Does your girlfriend spread gossip about you?

Unfortunately, girls often can't keep their mouths shut, but that shouldn't be the case with best friends. Remember, if you find out that a friend is spreading gossip about you, you need to have a serious talk with her. If you are sure that your friend is not being slandered, keep your distance from her. Do not trust secrets and secrets, because all of them can then become the property of the whole class. In a word, take a closer look at your girlfriend! Is she talking about you behind your back? If so, then she cannot be called a true friend!

How often does your friend say "no" to you?

A true friend will always make time to chat with you, if a friend often finds reasons not to meet with you, then perhaps she prefers more interesting activities. Remember that a best friend is a 24/7 job. You can't be best friends at school, but not call or go out in your free time. Friends are interested in each other, which means that joint leisure should be perceived as a vacation. If your girlfriend walks with other people or even just sits at home, then she has enough of the communication that she has. Try talking to her about it. Often, girls make friends with someone in the team just so as not to be left alone, but such pseudo-friendship, as a rule, ends immediately after school. Do not waste time on such people, perhaps someone nearby treats you much better and you should take a closer look at your surroundings!

We often write about unnecessary people, about assholes and bad girls. Some might say that Brodude is filled with negativity, but that's far from it, man. In fact, we carry a lot of universal inhuman goodness, but it is not always noticeable against the backdrop of brighter articles. Oddly enough, determining that a person is your true friend is sometimes not so easy. Understanding that a person is a m * dak is also not easy, but in fact it is often easy to figure it out. There are not so many real things in life, often we wishful thinking because if you dig a little deeper, it becomes absolutely clear that the so-called "friend" is actually not a friend at all, you just wanted to call some person a friend with nefiga, so as not to seem to himself a sucker without friends. Self-deception, however. Often we do not realize that we are using other people to meet our own needs, calling it romantic or friendships. You can say, “What are the needs? I give about as much to a relationship as I receive!” In this case, it's not a friendly relationship, it's a banal barter. You can also say, “How can you get something in friendship? I don't care about money!" In fact, you get communication, which is a valuable resource in human relationships. Real friends don't do that. How can you tell if you are a true friend? There are several traits that are found in a true friend. Check not only your friend, but also yourself. Just in case!

Are you okay with your friend's interests or specific traits?

I talked with roleplayers, talked with reenactors, and with anime people, and with geeks, and with nerds, and with many dudes who have many different interests. Thanks to the university, probably, and mutual friends who introduced me to everyone. Therefore, I personally have a tolerant attitude towards almost any interests. But, according to my personal observations, not all people are distinguished by a calm attitude towards unusual hobbies.

Even if you absolutely do not understand what your friend finds in Star Wars, Chinese porn cartoons, computer games and reading comics, you will not mock him just because it seems to you that it is strange, stupid and unworthy of a normal bro. . All that a true friend can say is that he cannot understand this and cannot talk about it. If you scoff at what you think are dubious interests of your comrade and in every possible way force him to change his point of view and interest, you can hardly be called a friend. Most likely, you are a kind of manipulator of other people's consciousness, who wants to have a number of people who can be controlled. Seriously, what's wrong with other people's hobbies if you want them not to do it? Of course, if they do not go to people's homes with sermons and talk about God.

Are you ready for a serious conversation with him?

If your friends do something wrong with their lives, you are ready to have a serious talk with them, set a number of conditions, and even punch them in the face a couple of times for educational purposes. But this only applies to those issues when your friend really does something very bad with his life: he cheats on a good girl, drinks, suffers from clouding his mind, got into some kind of sect or uses dope. The willingness to talk seriously with your friend and do everything to get him out of this state is what a real friend should do. Another question is whether you will succeed or not!

But this only applies to serious things, really serious things.

Try to accept your friend for who he is.

Your bro can be a lazy person, a drinker, a kind of hippie, or an active civic activist. The main thing is that he be a good person, a friend, and not the one who is usually called. Seriously, what's the worst thing your friend can do to make you stop talking to him? Usually it has a negative attitude towards you, like sleeping with your girlfriend.

All shortcomings, if they do not lead to the destruction of his nature, may well deserve the right to life. Who are we without flaws, after all? For some reason, I immediately remember the film "Rock and Roll", in which one of the main characters found out that his old sidekick was gay and in love with him. Frankly, I do not know how I would behave in this situation. Perhaps, with a wild cry, he would have swept along the main street of his city, or perhaps he would have said to the dude: “Well, okay, dude! It's not my thing, you know!" Of course, there's a chance the attention would flatter me, but it's still embarrassing. But the dude from the movie was still able to relate to this news normally. I wonder if there could be friendship after that? Or is it like friendship between a man and a woman?

With regard to him, you can readily admit that you were once wrong.

Even if you usually have a hard time with it. In the end, you realize that you did a bad thing and tell your friend that you are wrong. Usually a real friend does this, by such behavior you can judge how dear you are to this or that person. It's like a willingness to compromise in a relationship with a girl, this lack of selfish aspirations towards another person, which always says that you are in awe of friendship with this dude and seriously do not want to lose him. It sounds absolutely sentimental, but it's hard to say otherwise.

Of course, this does not mean that you will burst into tears like a girl, throw it in your arms to your friend and exclaim: “Sorry, man! I'll be a bastard - I won't forget! Usually this means quite restrained (but sincere): “Dude, I got excited and was wrong!”. If your bro or you admit your guilt, maybe you really know how to be friends.

The six handshake theory says that each of the seven billion people knows each other through a maximum of five people, where each transitional link is at the next level of mutual acquaintances.

This rule is easy to depict by drawing a graph - a primitive diagram in which the vertices are people, and the edges are mutual acquaintance. The combinatorial theory has already been proved more than once by sending letters to random and "classified" postal addresses and using computer programs. And even Mark Zuckerberg did not stand aside and conducted a similar experiment based on the Facebook database. And not in vain. After all, the largest social network on Earth is nothing more than a social graph that unites about 1.6 billion people. After the scientists' curiosity was quenched, they decided to take a closer look at the first level of dating and discovered that they could predict friendship.

Researchers at Dartmouth College in the US figured out whether two strangers would become buddies by simply looking at their neuronal responses after watching video clips.

The scientific work published in the journal Nature Communications turned out to be the first of its kind, because the observation was carried out over the neural activity of ordinary people from life, the most real social network, and not a computer one, and reactions in the head arose to real stimuli, one and the same set of videos.

Science project leader Carolyn Parkinson said that dynamic and unpredictable response of neurons to real videos opens a true window into people's minds where thought processes spontaneously unfold. The result of the tests was not long in coming, it soon became clear that friendship does not arise from scratch, the entrance to the friendship zone occurs due to similar thought patterns.

To test their theory, the scientists took a group of 280 students, interviewed the guys and found out how great the social distance is between them. Obviously, all the students somehow knew each other, but among them were very good friends and just acquaintances. After selecting 42 people, the scientists asked them to watch the videos in a certain order, while they themselves recorded neural activity at that moment using magnetic resonance imaging. The videos featured a variety of topics and genres, including politics, science broadcasts, sports broadcasts, comedy, and music videos. Each participant watched the videos in the same order and followed the instructions given.

After some time, the scientists compared the recordings of neural activity and realized that they are similar for students who have been friends for many years, and completely different for students who know each other through third parties in a real life social network.

The findings strongly suggest that the most perfect similarity of neural responses occurs only in people with strong friendships, and it seems that brain regions responsible for emotions, attention, and high-level reasoning are responsible for such a mental picture. The theory of scientists was confirmed even when they decided to complicate the experiment and began to break down and group into separate categories of left-handed people, right-handed people, by nationality, age, gender, all the same, the similarity of neural activity among friends from life was obvious.

During the experiment, scientists realized that they can not only find natural friends by the response of neurons, but also recognize the length of the social distance between people, in other words, tell how close a person you know is close, or you hardly communicated with him.

Humans are by nature social beings, each of us lives in constant social connection with colleagues, friends and acquaintances, and if we want to understand how the brain works, we must learn how minds work in combination, how thoughts form each other.

The basis for the study of the sources of friendship between people for scientists was the previous work, which proved that when looking at a person, the brain immediately determines its status, importance and place in a social network in relation to the observer.