How to get a child to go do something. The child does not want to study, to do Homework: What to do. Existing methods of educating obedience

How force the child to do homework? So that you don’t have to control, persuade, swear with the last words - in general, perform all those unpleasant actions that can turn a parent’s life into a real hell. I have already written about motivation and will write again - the topic is burning. And now let's try to deal with the situation when the child does not want to do homework. Or does, but through the sleeves.

The problem is very common, but there can be no single recipe. Since the reasons can be very different - lack of educational motivation, too much study load, weakening of the body or nervous system, personality traits of the child, parenting style, ... Each specific case must be analyzed separately. But there is one trick that can help. If not all, then many. I share 🙂

We do not consider the situation when the child categorically declares that he did not care about lessons and school in general (this is a separate conversation). Suppose that he does not particularly argue with you - yes, you need to do your homework. But he doesn't want to do it! Can't collect himself, puts it off, whines, thinks out urgent things for himself, persuades you to "wait a little more", gets distracted, cannot concentrate. In a word, homework stretches for several hours. And then it turns out to be completely unfulfilled.

How to teach a child to do homework. First of all, discuss with your child when it is convenient for him to do homework. How much time it will take. Let him appoint "hour X". A lot can change if a child is given the right to choose.

If it seems to you that the child is suggesting nonsense (and let me start doing homework at 9 pm), set a framework - say, homework should be done by 8 pm. What time do you think is the best time to start?

Teach your child how to properly organize the learning process. Have you heard of time management? – The thing is extremely useful not only for adults, but also for children. In my opinion, one of the best inventions in this area is the Pomodoro technique. Don't let the "frivolous" name put you off. Behind it lies an effective means of solving the problem with lessons.

Francesco Cirillo is no longer a student :)

The technique was invented by an Italian student named Francesco Cirillo, who himself had academic problems. Francesco experimented a lot - and so he tried to study the material, and that way. And once he noticed that the best results are achieved when the learning process is divided into 25-minute intervals. Gradually, observation turned into a real time management strategy.

How the Pomodoro Technique works:

Yes, an interesting question - why is this sequence of actions called the Pomodoro technique? And the fact is that Francesco used a timer in the form of a tomato. And he liked it so much that he called the tomato not only his invention, but also working intervals of 25 minutes.

By the way, why exactly 25 minutes? - As it turned out, this is the optimal time for continuous work - you manage to do a fairly decent piece of the task and do not get tired.

Finally some subtleties of the Pomodoro technique:

• In no case do not interrupt during the Pomodoro (I remind you that the Pomodoro is a 25-minute work interval). If you had to get distracted, then start the timer and do the tomato again.
• If the task is too long - more than 5 tomatoes, then divide it into several tasks
• If you have completed the task, and the timer is still ticking, be sure to check your work, think about it - in a word, sit out the tomato to the end. Usually it is at this time that brilliant ideas come to mind, blunders are found and the most important things are added.
• During the rest, it is better not to sit at the table, but to warm up - walk around, run around.

If all of the above is explained in detail and colorfully to the child, then most likely he will want to try it. And if you use a special program for the implementation of the tomato technique, you will immediately kill two birds with one stone: increase the child’s motivation and save him (and yourself) from having to manually set the timer each time.

Pomodairo: As you can see, I have a "Write an article" task. Done:)

All you need is to download the program Pomodairo. In it, you can set a list of tasks, change working time and rest time (by default, these are 25 and 5 minutes, respectively), set the number of tomatoes needed to complete each task, select a sound alert and view statistics.

Finally, I will briefly list Benefits of teaching your child the Pomodoro Technique:

• The child will learn to clearly set goals, break the task into components;
• The educational process will be structured in the best possible way. Gradually, the child will begin to work within 25 minutes without being distracted.
• Homework will be done much more efficiently and faster.
• The child will learn to competently manage his time and organize educational activities.
• Increased academic performance (as a side effect)

PS: By the way, the Pomodoro technique is perfect for preparing for exams 🙂

What do you do when a child doesn't want to do homework?

Parents are worried about the future of the child - what will happen to him if now, in his school years, he does not receive the necessary skills, does not learn to love the educational process, does not reach for knowledge? Sometimes the fears of parents go beyond reason. In the course are manipulations, persuasion, punishment, intimidation. However, there was no effect, and there is no - the child is not drawn to school, he does his homework through force, he is simply not interested.

What to do in such a situation? How to make a child study? Continue to push or let things take their course? Give the child freedom or tighten control? The editors of the site share proven tips and secrets that will help motivate the child to gain new knowledge.

Younger students need to be taught discipline. By the word "discipline" many people mean standing over a child with a belt. However, you can train this useful skill for life without quarrels and serious punishments. Educators and psychologists often agree on a few simple tips that will help get your child in the habit of doing homework regularly and maintaining interest in learning.

Set the same time for lessons every day

Teach your child from the first school months to the fact that he always does his homework at the same time. At school, he encounters a schedule, keeps a diary, gets used to doing each subject for a certain time, resting as much as necessary, and so on. Let him also have a clear and predetermined schedule at home.

Keep the balance of study and rest

If from the first grade the child studies in a too rigid schedule, then very quickly he will simply get tired of this lesson. He will physically resist, act up, lose attention. Immediately move away from the principle of “it’s better to do everything right away, and then rest.” The attention and concentration of a child is much weaker than that of an adult. Do not force him to cope with everything with a swoop.

If at first everything is not easy for a small student, then break the classes into several small blocks of 20-30 minutes each. Yes, let them be even less than the standard lesson time at school. After each segment, let the child rest, feed, talk to him, find out what he liked, how he feels.

Introduce an element of play into learning

If the child is distracted a lot or you see that he is frankly bored, try to turn the process into a game. Let your child switch places with you for a while. Reward him with the role of a teacher, and be a student yourself. Have your child explain a new topic to you, listen carefully, and ask gentle questions. It is easier for a child to remember the material if he passes it through himself. And in a situation where you need to teach something to a parent, you just have to do it.

Maintain a positive attachment at all times

Any business, any skill is formed at the level of dopamine bindings. When something succeeds, it produces dopamine in the brain, which motivates to continue in the same spirit. If you strengthen your child's positive attachment to learning from the early grades, he will be grateful to you until graduation. How to do it? Yes, just praise him for everything he does. Encourage with toys, goodies, favorite cartoons. You know your child better than any other person - figure out what is most interesting and important for him. And tie it to your studies.

Give your child unconditional love

Tell the child that you love him and that he is still doing well, even if he did not manage to solve the example the first time. Or if the letters in the notebook do not obey and do not fit in even handwriting.

Many parents believe that if you praise a child only for merit, then he will want to achieve more. In fact, with this model, the child learns that your love is conditional, that you are by his side and for him only when he is doing his best in school. Over time, in the mind of the child, learning will become something that prevents him from receiving the approval of the parent and his caress and care. Sometimes this leads to procrastination and loss of interest, and sometimes to serious psychological trauma.

Most of all, parents have difficulties with high school students. The responsibility here is higher - the parent is more worried, presents his child as a fast food worker, puts pressure on him and constantly broadcasts about the need to learn. On top of that, teachers at school also scare him with final exams, which will affect the certificate and chances of entering the university. How can parents behave properly and productively?

Take the pressure off

Yes, you may think that the child simply does not realize how important everything is. However, he hears about it all the time - from you and from teachers. At some point, all the words of adults about the future merge in his head into one boring record. And the educational process is in what they are forced to do. No wonder if a teenager starts to rebel and sabotage learning. Even at the cost of his own failure in the future - if only everyone would fall behind him and stop imposing their opinion.

Therefore, it would be wiser to relieve pressure, slow down and step aside a little, let the child think for himself - what will happen if I don’t study, and who will I become, how will my life turn out?

Get rid of the didactic tone

Nothing irritates teenagers more than the instructive tone of parents: “Grow up - you will understand!”, “Then you will thank me!”, “If you want to work as a janitor, you can not study!” etc. Stop, exhale, think - will you help this child? Will he want to study if I force him, emphasize his small age and "inability to think"? Would you like to?

You are not at war with the child, your goal is not to prove to him that you are right or to impose your point of view. Your goal is to interest him in the process, and this can only be done by communicating with him on an equal footing, while maintaining respect for his personality and his desires.

Kindness is the only way
which is possible in dealing with a living being.
Terror can't do anything.
This I affirmed, I affirm and I will affirm ...
M. Bulgakov

To begin with, it is worth noting that if you are make do your homework, you are at great risk. Learning from under pressure causes the opposite reaction: the more you force a child, the less likely it is to instill in him a love and interest in learning. In this way, you can only cause disgust not only for doing homework, but for the entire learning process.

• Select "hour X". Let the child decide for himself: when he will do his homework, when to walk, and when to play computer games. Give your child the right to choose: you don’t really want to break your own rules.
  If the child starts to offer some nonsense, like "I will do my homework at 10 pm," set a time frame. For example, indicate that the lessons must be done before, for example, 8 pm.
• Equip your workplace. If a child learns the rule while lying on the couch, writes Russian language exercises to the accompaniment of the TV, and solves math problems with his mother in the kitchen, unfortunately, it will not work to accustom the child to order. A teenager should get used to the fact that this particular table and chair is his workplace. Then the appropriate mood will appear.
• Keep your child in a good mood and cheerful mood. It is extremely unreasonable for those parents who immediately after returning from school to seat their child for lessons. Give your child time to rest, take a walk, and lunchtime naps are known to be a good way to relax.
• Follow a certain order completing the task. But here it is better to consult with the children: it is easier for someone to first "deal" with oral, then with written assignments, for others it is easier to do everything first, leaving light objects "for a snack".
• Learn to manage time. Have you heard of time management? Extremely useful and effective piece. It is better to learn how to manage and plan your time from childhood.

An interesting technique was proposed by F. Cherillo. His task execution strategy became known as the Pomodoro Technique. The bottom line is this: it turned out that the optimal time to complete a task is 25 minutes. It is this time that our brain and body are able to work efficiently and without getting tired.

All tasks need to be painted according to the template and spend no more than 25 minutes on each, or "1 tomato".

For example, the son was asked to complete two exercises in Russian, solve 1 problem in mathematics and write a report on geography.

Let's schedule the tasks:

Now we set a timer for 25 minutes and proceed to the first task. No distractions and no interruptions! When the alarm rings, put a "tick" in front of the first task and rest for 5 minutes.

Then we start the task again (we didn’t have time to finish the exercises in Russian - we continue to work on them). Having completed the first task, we move on to the second. After 4 time intervals (tomatoes), we take a break for 15-20 minutes.

Important! If you have completed the task, and the timer is still ticking, do not be distracted. Sit, think, check again - sometimes it is at this time that brilliant ideas come to mind, blunders are found.

Want to add motivation? Offer a reward. For example, for 4 successful "pomodoros" - an extra half hour at the computer.

• Don't judge mistakes and don't shout if something doesn't work. Mistakes are an integral part of effective learning. Be patient and instead of screaming and hurtful words, try to talk. Why do errors appear? Maybe due to the fact that in a hurry, maybe the topic is not understood or there is some gap in knowledge. It is important that the child always feels your support. And in general, it is better to be guided by the principle: "Praise the performer, criticize the performer."
• Don't make homework a punishment. Often parents threaten: "If you write dirty or with errors, you will rewrite everything again!" Believe me: empty rewriting will not bring up diligence and accuracy, but will only discourage all the desire to study. Teach to use drafts and do not forget about the previous recommendation.

To help or not to help, that is the question!

Many parents ask: "How to teach a child to do homework on his own? Help or teach him to be independent?"

Of course, learning to be independent is essential. But not immediately, not "right off the bat." So, first-graders simply cannot do without parental help. But the older the student becomes, the more independence he must show.

It is important here to immediately warn your offspring that you will not sit with him forever, and after a certain time he will have to do everything on his own. And be sure to inspire that the lessons are HIS work, NOT YOURS! After making sure that the child has learned the rules for doing homework, parents should "stop doing homework."

No, of course, you should not leave everything to chance. Your task now is simply to control, to explain the incomprehensible (if he asks). The main thing is that the initiative does not come from you, but from your child.

Another helpful tip: . Today he remembered about your agreement with him to start lessons at 16.00 - already good, express sincere joy. Tomorrow the child himself sat down for lessons. Even if things haven't gone further than simple preparations, it's all the same: you sat down for the lessons yourself - praise again. It is important for the child want do homework. Let your joy for his success and for any manifestation of independence be an incentive - why not motivation?

To check or not to check?

Be sure to check your homework! And believe me, the question "Have you done everything?" — obviously not enough. Do not be too lazy, check what your offspring "made" in a notebook, whether he learned a verse, whether he prepared for a geography lesson, etc.

All the tips above are not rules, but recommendations. Unfortunately, there is no panacea, because all children are different. For some, the principle of trust will work (parents trust me, which means I simply have to do my homework so as not to let them down), others may be helped by the principle: earned - get rewarded, others will only be helped by patience and endless conversations. But you should not despair. After all, the main thing is not only to "educate", but to educate a responsible and independent person, to preserve his health and your good relationships.

What tricks do parents go to in order to force their child to do what is needed, and not what he wants! Promises, threats, gifts or punishments - these methods are familiar to everyone, but everyone also knows that sooner or later all this ceases to work, and even a ton of chocolates will not lure a child to a kindergarten or hospital. How to force a child to do something against his will?

Actually, the question is put initially incorrectly. You can't force a child! Even an adult does not want to do an extremely important and useful thing if he is forced to. Therefore, today the Land of Advice does not offer you "10 ways to make a child obey." Today we will study motivate your child.

To begin with, let's take a look at causes of child disobedience. You probably noticed that the child does not want to do something for a reason. Indeed, often children's disobedience is ordinary whims, but unwillingness to eat porridge can also be caused by reduced appetite, and tantrums - by the child's inability to control his emotions.

Let's look at a few typical situations.

Situation one: “I don’t want porridge!”. This situation has already been considered in detail by the Country of Soviets in the article “If a child is naughty at dinner”. Indeed, during breakfasts, lunches and dinners, real battles can unfold. Mom dances around the baby: “A spoon for dad, a spoon for mom ...”, the child stubbornly shakes his head, throws a spoon ...

How to awaken the baby's appetite? It is useless to explain to a preschooler why he needs to eat tasteless unleavened carrots, and not sweet cakes or delicious chips. Therefore, it is better that these products are not even in the house - there is no benefit from them.

You can interest a child with an appetizing appearance of a cooked dish, an interesting fairy tale. Remember how in the Soviet film the hero Yevgeny Leonov offered his wards to go on a space journey? Why don't you use the good old trick?

Situation two: “I don’t want to sleep!”. You can learn more about this situation from the article “If the baby refuses to sleep?” . An equally popular battlefield is the bed. Parents gently say to the baby: "Bye-bye, sleep baby ...", and he kicks and screams in a voice that is not his own. Familiar? Then try not to force the child to sleep, but to help him want to fall asleep himself.

For example, you can read a quiet fairy tale to your child at night, sing a lullaby. Evening bathing will also help prepare the child for sleep. Helps children fall asleep faster and the expectation of some interesting event. You can tell the baby that the sooner he falls asleep, the sooner tomorrow will come and he will meet friends in the kindergarten, play and have fun.

Of course, evening active games, excessive excitement of the child do not contribute to a calm going to bed.

Situation three: “I won’t go to kindergarten!”. Often parents simply fall into despair: it is high time to go to work, and the kid almost throws tantrums and flatly refuses to go to kindergarten. If the child has just entered the kindergarten, then, of course, he needs an adaptation period and you cannot scold him for not being used to doing without his mother yet.

Timely preparation of the baby for kindergarten can help in such a situation. In advance, you should teach the child to serve himself, communicate with other children, and obey the elders.

A child may refuse to go to kindergarten because he simply does not like it there. It is advisable to try to find out from the child what causes his anxiety. You can also consult with a kindergarten teacher, find out how the child behaves there. It often happens that a capricious and excessively playful kid at home in the kindergarten behaves quietly and modestly.

What to interest the child? In the kindergarten, the baby can find a lot of exciting activities for himself. So tell him how interesting it will be to play with toys, with other children, to run on the street.

In the article "How to help your child get comfortable in kindergarten?" The country of councils considers in detail the issues of adaptation of a child in a preschool institution.

There are many more situations like those described., after all, every child at least once refused not only to eat or sleep, but also to dress, wash, put away toys, and simply obey. In response to the persuasion of parents, the child may throw a tantrum or even show aggression.

Raising a child is a huge job that requires patience, care and, of course, love from parents. Do not try to force the child to do something against his will, try to find the "key" to his behavior - and you can succeed!

A small child is easy to motivate. “You will be the strongest if you eat this porridge”, “I will read you a fairy tale if you take away your toys.” That is, parents set the direction for the child's actions, endowing them with awareness. In other words, children understand that if they do as adults dictate to them, they will receive something as a result of their obedience (a fairy tale, the right to take a walk, mother's love). Material motivation is very popular today: “I will give you 10 rubles if you take out the trash.” Psychologists, not seeing a crime in it in principle, nevertheless note that external motivation (as they call it) kills internal motivation, which is much more important in the process of becoming a child's character. In other words, a child should be motivated (especially over the age of 3-5 years) in such a way that, in addition to the promised reward, he still understands the true essence and purpose of his actions. If he starts to force himself to do something (knowing why), he will begin to form such a character trait as willpower. It is very important.

The child does not want to clean up scattered toys? Do not rush to yell at him and upset yourself. Calm down and in the form of a game make the child fulfill your desire. The game should have characters, one of which should be played by your baby. In this role, the child usually willingly cleans up after himself. And also quickly dresses for a walk, eats, washes dishes. An older child is “more serious” than the game. From the group of role-playing games, you can move on to the group of didactic games (that is, actions that are entertaining for the child in conditional situations), sports and even manipulation games.

As soon as you enter the room and see the mess, you start yelling for the child to clean up immediately. Or you just sat and calmly watched TV, and now, looking at the clock, tell the child that he should immediately go to bed. It is not right. Children should be warned that they need to clean up (and if the child has not finished playing, give him time to complete the game), that it is time to get ready for bed, etc. Your demands for momentary obedience and the fulfillment of your orders (and even requests) can provoke an attack of stubbornness and even hatred.

You remind the child countless times to clean up scattered toys, threaten to throw them in the garbage chute, the child does not obey. After reminding him about the mess a hundred times, you tidy up yourself with a sigh. This is repeated day after day. And it will continue to repeat itself if one day you do not fulfill your threat and really do not throw away the toys. Cruel? But clearly. Children have a very good memory, psychologists say, they remember such lessons very well and for a long time. Almost forever.

You must give your child the right to choose. For example, he does not want to brush his teeth. Give him a choice of 2 toothbrushes and 2 toothpastes. Or let him choose for himself which story to read to him at night, which handkerchief to take in the morning, drink tea with one or two spoons of sugar, tidy up right now or in half an hour. For you, his choice means nothing in principle, and the child will feel that he is the master of the situation.