Is jealousy necessary in a relationship? Jealousy: is it necessary or not for a normal relationship

Jealousy is a combination of feelings such as insecurity, fear and suspiciousness, which is often presented as a manifestation of passionate affection and unwillingness to share your partner with someone else. But if you omit the romantic veil, many questions arise.

Why are people jealous? Can a jealous person really love? In my blog, I decided to consider these issues in more detail.

Jealousy in psychology

From the point of view of psychotherapy, jealousy is seen as a fear of loss and a painful desire to retain some good.

For example, in the explanatory dictionary D.N. Ushinsky jealousy is defined as a combination of the following complex experiences:

• passionate doubt about the fidelity of a lover or beloved;
• self-doubt and fear of being a less advantageous option compared to another potential partner;
• excessive diligence, zeal, diligence.

The feeling of jealousy is very close in its definition to envy and is divided into love, children, national, sports and creative.

In all cases, jealousy is considered not as an independent phenomenon, but as one of the components of the feeling of love, when one or both lovers experience uncertainty about the future and their own significance for the chosen one.

In addition, jealousy can occur in people with the possessive syndrome, as a pathological desire to control all aspects of their partner's life.

And there is also such a definition as "installation on jealousy." This is an internal tension and a person’s readiness for the worst outcome of a relationship (treason, betrayal) even when nothing portends trouble. Often such an attitude is found in children who have experienced a divorce of their parents and people who have gone through a painful separation or divorce.

Jealous - what does it mean?

To experience jealousy means to experience a whole range of conflicting feelings at the same time:

• Doubt yourself: in its competitiveness, in the ability to find someone else in case of loss. A person with low self-esteem needs constant attention and hypercompensation for lost emotions. He needs his partner to experience the same dependence on the relationship as he does.
• Afraid: loneliness, loss, uncertainty, being used.
• be proud: to consider that no one has the right to deceive, betray, leave and somehow infringe on the rights and shake the comfort zone.
• Envy: a person who is shown more attention to feel left out.
• Show selfishness: put your wants and needs first, no matter the circumstances. Taking and demanding without giving anything in return.

Zealous pride is closely intertwined with the fear of losing status and falling in one's own eyes. The undesirable behavior of a partner is perceived as an infringement of one's own rights and boundaries.

Types of jealousy. Looking at the problem from different angles

In addition to the basic concept, the psychology of jealousy is divided into four subparagraphs:

1. Converted Jealousy. Simply put, a jealous person judges by himself: it is not difficult for him to hide his betrayals from his wife / ha, and at the same time he is tormented by the obsessive thought that they can do the same to him.
2. Instilled jealousy. Jealous people of such a plan grow out of children of nervous and unfaithful parents / single-parent families. Since the child has no other reference point for relationships, he takes them for granted and remembers that all men are unreliable (all women are windy). And this problem is also characteristic of people who grew up under the yoke of a despotic parent. For example, a girl who listened all her childhood from her mother to phrases like: “all men need only one thing from you” will not be able to fully trust any partner.
3. Jealousy of an "adult woman". A woman over 40 often begins to feel fading and uninteresting compared to twenty-year-old fit girls. At the same time, her male peer, on the contrary, feels more experienced and respectable, compared to penniless young students. And so it turns out that the wife begins to live in a convulsive and zealous expectation that her husband, who "will hit the gray hair in the head, and the demon in the ribs," will find her a young replacement.
4. Jealousy justified. Jealousy of this kind is synonymous with heartbreak. It so happens that people live together, in mutual respect and comfort exactly until the moment when one of the spouses meets a new love. Nobody is immune from this. It is good if the partner, whose feelings have cooled down, speaks about it directly and does not lead a double life.

Norm or pathology?

Popular love dramas impose on young spectators the idea "if there is jealousy, then there are feelings." This is a rather controversial statement, which, due to excessive romanticization, drives people into abusive relationships with morbidly jealous people.

Abuse is a psychological term for a relationship where one of the partners exerts moral (and sometimes physical) pressure on the other. Manipulates, abusing his own position.

Jealousy is quite understandable and normal within reasonable limits, and if there are specific reasons. If the reason for the scandal is a five-minute delay from work, a harmless conversation with a colleague or a passing glance of a passerby, this is already a pathology.

And there is also the so-called jealous delirium: when the fact of infidelity or its prospects is only in the head of a jealous person. His sick imagination and hypertrophied perception of reality makes him see betrayal where there is none. This type of jealousy is most often subject to men. You may be interested in material about.

As for women, most often they are characterized by "love delirium" of the opposite nature. It seems to a girl with such a disorder that for all the men around her she is desired and desired, and her personal object of sighing is simply embarrassed to show feelings for such a popular person, which will eventually develop into imposing her society without taking into account personal boundaries and standards of decency.

Summing up all of the above, jealousy is a pathology in cases where love is perceived by a person as a confirmation of his own importance both in the eyes of others and in his own.

A pathological jealous person is not self-sufficient and does not have a stable self-esteem. If he does not receive confirmation of the love and significance of his own person in the standard ways, then he begins to show jealousy or deliberately provoke a reaction from the outside.

Love or Distrust?

Despite the fact that jealousy goes hand in hand with love, these concepts are by no means synonymous. So how can you tell love from distrust? For clarity, consider the behavior of two married couples in everyday and everyday situations.

Distrust is one of the reasons for the manifestation of jealousy

Example #1: At a party

1. The couple are attending a party. The wife strikes up a casual conversation with one of the male guests (about the weather, the hero of the occasion, etc.) The husband also finds someone to talk to or joins in an unobtrusive conversation, maintaining a friendly tone and picking up the wife's jokes.
2. The situation is the same: the wife starts a conversation with a man, but the husband intervenes quite sharply in their communication. In some cases, the conflict may begin on the spot, but more often than not, a displeased look and scandal await the wife upon returning home.

Example No. 2. Meeting from work

1. The husband returns from work at the same time, but suddenly he was late without warning. His wife called him and found out what was the reason and when to warm up dinner.
2. The same situation: the spouse is late from work. His wife calls him at work and asks the boss what time he left the workplace. Asks co-workers if they interacted with anyone during the work day. Upon returning home, the husband will face a scandal and a reprimand about selfishness.

Example #3: Personal space

1. Spouses enjoy spending time together: they go to the cinema, attend social events or joint sections. If their interests diverge, then everyone calmly goes about their business alone or in the company of friends / girlfriends.
2. Spouses are forced to spend all their free time together, as one of them believes that this is an example of an ideal relationship. The presence of own interests and tastes of any of the parties is suppressed, meetings with friends in cafes and trips with friends to football are perceived as a betrayal.

Obviously, the behavior of the first couple is filled with love and trust, while the actions of the spouses from the second lack any common sense. The reasons for jealousy in all situations are far-fetched and are not due to anything other than the desire of one of the spouses to completely capture the attention and freedom of the second.

Male and female jealousy

Despite the fact that jealousy is a feeling equally found in men and women, it manifests itself somewhat differently, depending on the gender of the jealous person.

Consider how the experience of jealousy occurs in men and women.

male jealousy

Psychotherapists identify four internal and external factors on which male jealousy is built:

1. Low self-esteem. The man believes that his girlfriend can easily find someone else who will be a better match in terms of appearance or wealth.
2. Alcohol, drug or gambling addiction. According to psychosociological studies, it has been found that men with addictions are most often terribly jealous. An unbalanced mental state makes them seek pleasure in the release of adrenaline from all sorts of risks, including passionate abuse.
3. Ownership instinct. Any communication and attention from the opposite sex, or even a woman’s desire to communicate with her friends, is perceived by a man as a violation of personal boundaries.
4. Companion behavior. Often a woman herself can provoke her partner to jealousy by flirting with strangers. Sometimes both partners perceive this as a kind of erotic game, but often this only angers the jealous more.

female jealousy

Female jealousy is characterized by the following manifestations:

1. Vigilant Vigilance. This behavior can be compared to playing a private detective: a wife constantly checks her husband’s phone for new contacts, creates fake accounts on social networks to “spin” him for treason, controls every minute spent outside the home and work.
2. Friends filtering. The unmarried friends of the husband are perceived by the jealous woman as potential tempters who can introduce him to girls. Married - seem to be a threat to the usual life, as the spouse can see that someone is doing the housework better than she.
3. Public showdown. Scenes of jealousy in the store, in front of children, family, at a party, on a summer vacation. No norms of social behavior will stop a woman who wants to put her "presumptuous" husband in his place.
4. Work as a rival. When a lover stays at work at least for a short time, the jealous woman already begins to draw scenes of a stormy love affair with a colleague in her head. Sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity, and the woman constantly takes an important telephone line, enters the office "on the way" to check on what her husband is doing. If a pretty assistant or secretary works for a husband, then a jealous wife will definitely find a way to “kill” a potential competitor from her workplace.

A jealous person is a vulnerable, fragile and unstable person, regardless of gender. A person can overcome his condition only through introspection and long work on self-control.

5 Types of Behaviors When Jealousy Is Justified and Relationships Doomed to Fail

Based on what you read above, you can conclude that jealousy is bad. This is a negative and privacy-destroying emotion that is worth rooting out of yourself like the roots of a weed plant. But sometimes the partner's attitude is really strong.

The following 5 situations cause completely justified jealousy:

1. Overt flirting with a member of the opposite sex. Harmless communication is very different from coquetry. Unambiguous compliments, attempts at physical contact, phone exchanges without any apparent need.
2. Lack of support and empathy. All your complaints about your well-being and requests for help in everyday life are ignored, while the request of a nice colleague is fulfilled with lightning speed.
3. Leading a double life. Your companion refuses to talk about some important moments of life, does not talk about work, does not introduce you to friends and parents despite the long relationship.
4. You are in last place after work, hobbies and friends. Even if you haven’t seen each other for a long time, your partner will prefer to spend the evening in a bar with friends, or play a computer game, rather than chat with you.
5. Restrictions on your spending or reckless spending of the family budget. This item applies to couples living together. The partner takes your earnings without leaving any funds for personal needs, or spend a significant part of the family budget on personal entertainment and whims without asking your opinion.

If one or more points coincided with your relationship, think about it - isn’t it better to break this painful union, where you don’t receive not only love, but also human respect?

How to recognize a pathological jealous at the very beginning of a relationship? 10 sure signs

Pathological jealousy is a trait that is best identified at the stage of "candy-bouquet" courtship. So it will be easier for you to break this connection in order to protect yourself from everyday “Shakespearean passions”.

Your lover is morbidly jealous if:

1. It controls every aspect of your life: who do you communicate with, where do you go in your free time, what do you do in social networks. Moreover, control is sometimes carried out undisguisedly, under the pretext that lovers should have everything in common.
2. It shapes your social circle. If one of your friends or girlfriends does not like him, the jealous person will persistently convince you to stop communicating or even set up a conflict.
3. Any deviation from the usual everyday rituals is a sign of treason.. If your phone runs out of power at the time when it usually rings, and the conversation did not take place. If you did not go to the nearest grocery store, but went to the shopping center. If you gave a friendly smile to your neighbor in the stairwell, whom he had not met before. Either way, your loyalty will be questioned.
4. It monitors your movement throughout the day. And it's not just cute worries and questions about how you got home - it's compulsive stalking. The partner knows what route you take, what taxi service you use, where you usually drink coffee, and what your work schedule is. He knows all your phones and the phones of your immediate environment in order to contact you through them if you suddenly fell out of the "access zone".
5. He asks you to prove your feelings by giving an ultimatum.: “Either me or your hobby!”, “What is more important to you - me or your friends?”, “If you don’t stop talking to him, then you don’t give a damn about me.” If you have heard these phrases, then you are being manipulated.
6. He speaks unflatteringly about all his ex-girlfriends. He, not embarrassed in expressions, speaks about their character and behavior. At this point, your potential partner will most likely try to convince you that you are not like that and will definitely understand him in order to consolidate his position with your sense of self-worth.
7. He is not confident in himself as a partner, but does not try to change something. By manipulating phrases in the spirit of "what if", he tries to make himself look more caring, but in fact he does none of this. For example: “If I had money now, I would take you to the ends of the world”, “I would earn a little more, I would give you flowers every day.” Often with these phrases, he exposes himself as a prisoner of circumstances or a victim of the intrigues of other people.
8. He thinks monogamy is a thing of the past. But at the same time, the rule applies only to him.
9. Frequent and drastic mood swings: from screams and threats, the jealous person abruptly switches to crying and pleas for forgiveness. From insults and contempt - to coaxing with gifts and oaths of eternal love.
10. Suicidal manipulation: threats to commit suicide in case of separation or to kill you along with your new lover - another favorite leverage of jealous people.

If you feel that your partner is manipulating you, and communication with him gives you moral discomfort, end this relationship. Do not think that "true love can fix everything."

These points apply equally to both men and women. Of course, in the heyday of a romantic relationship, jealousy can seem like a sign of intense interest or even a game. But what will happen later, when the relationship becomes more serious? Will you be ready to live under vigilant control, to think over your every gesture and spoken word?

What causes jealousy? Mental and physical problems

The constant showdown on the basis of jealousy can affect not only the mood, but also quite seriously spoil the quality of life.

Relations in a couple become strained and nervous. The jealous partner feels like “on a powder keg” expecting a new stream of reproaches and suspicions. This cools the ardor of love and, contrary to expectations, alienates the lovers from each other.

It is even worse when the child of the spouses becomes a witness to scenes of jealousy. He cannot understand why mom and dad, who are supposed to love each other, are screaming and swearing, completely ignoring him. This can seriously affect his psyche, making him closed, clamped and notorious. According to a sociological study, children who accidentally witness their parents' adultery endure their broken trust through life. They are much more likely to experience difficulties in building harmonious relationships.

In addition, a jealous man, without knowing it, can give his partner a setting for real treason. After all, getting punished for what you did is not as unpleasant as constantly listening to accusations for what happened only in the opponent’s imagination. .

And finally, the fatal culmination is the breakup of relations. Sooner or later, even the most patient and understanding person will get tired of enduring tantrums and baseless reproaches.

As for the physical condition, each outbreak of jealousy is a serious blow to the nervous, cardiovascular and respiratory systems.

During an outbreak of jealousy, the brain experiences overload, similar to the shock of the news of the death of a loved one.

The immune system under the onslaught of constant emotional upheavals also weakens, as a result of which the pathological jealous person is at risk of developing the following diseases:

• anorexia nervosa;
• obesity or swelling due to hormonal failure;
• frigidity / impotence;
• stroke;
• heart attack.

Why are people jealous?

And now we will try to figure out what to do if the pathological jealous is you yourself. Recognizing a problem is the first step towards fixing it. The second step is to understand its nature.

So where does this feeling come from? Why are you experiencing it? There may be several reasons for this:

• Are you afraid of loneliness. You hold onto relationships painfully, constantly comparing yourself to other girls/men. Deep down, you think that your partner can leave at any moment, realizing that there are people in the world more worthy of love than you. I recommend an article about.
• You dwell on the past. It is difficult for you to accept the fact that your companion had a serious relationship before you. Women tend to be jealous of their men who were previously married or in long-term relationships, men tend to blame their beloved for the former "love of love."
• You lack attention. Your object of sigh, due to its employment and social involvement, cannot always spend time with you. Because of this, there is a feeling of deprivation and obsessive thoughts and fantasies of betrayal.
• You are subject to psychological "transference". You experienced the betrayal of a loved one, caught the divorce of your parents or close friends, and now you regard each member of the opposite sex as a potential cheater.

The fight against jealousy and trust as a guarantee of strong love

Many women and men have their own idea of ​​the ideal romantic relationship. But only a small part of people understand that it will take a lot of effort to translate these ideals into reality. The key point is to work on mutual and unconditional trust.

• Talk about your feelings. People, even those closest to you, cannot always intuitively guess what you like and what you don't. If the words or actions of your lover somehow offend you, say so without scandal and emotion, and ask them not to do so. Be direct and frank. This is not the case when it is worth using transparent hints.
• Learn to listen. When your partner begins to share his experiences with you, listen to him calmly and without emotions. The more information you learn, the easier it will be for you to work through the problem.
• Learn to prevent conflict. You probably remember in what situations your soul mate starts to get nervous and frowns - so use this information. If you know what your beloved is going through when you are late at work, call and warn if necessary. Learn to explain yourself before the explanation for your behavior is thought out for you.
• Feel free to ask questions. If you have any doubts or suspicions, ask about it. For example, if you want to know what your spouse did while you were on a business trip, ask him about how he spent his time. But remember that this should be just a conversation, not an interrogation. Also, do not constantly stir up the past of a partner - it simply does not make sense.
• What will conflict bring me? Ask yourself this question every time you are going to raise your voice to your chosen one. Remember that a person who speaks politely, measuredly and sedately looks more dignified than one who breaks into shouting and swearing.
• Be interested in the life and interests of your partner For example, if your companion loves computer games, ask him to tell you about what exactly the game hooked him on, about its plot, etc. You will see - he will appreciate such a manifestation of attention, because everyone is pleased to talk about what is really close to him .
• Don't try to change the person for you. Undoubtedly, partners must learn to coexist harmoniously and adapt to each other's interests, but this does not mean a complete rejection of personal freedoms. If your chosen one does not suit you already at the initial stage, think about whether it is worth developing a relationship in which you will be uncomfortable?
• Protect your privacy and respect your partner's right to be alone. Don't be rude or pushy. Learn to say: “I would like to be alone” instead of “leave me alone,” and also do not impose your company on the chosen one.
• Don't lie and don't be fooled. Remember that untruth will always come out. Lies, even for good, cannot build healthy long-term relationships.
• Be grateful. Say thank you to your partner for both small things and big things. When your deeds are appreciated, they want to be done again and again.
• Focus on your general features: it can be tastes in art, literature, common hobbies and jokes.
• do something together: cook, go shopping, watch movies, go for a walk. After all, commonality and mutual understanding is what you fell in love with each other for.
• Praise: for a deliciously cooked dinner, a promotion, a nailed shelf, and even just because your half looks good. Everyone is pleased when their efforts are noticed.
• Don't criticize in public. Personal life, for that and “personal”, because what happens in it should concern only partners. If you have accumulated claims against your spouse, talk in private, but never sort things out in front of children, relatives or guests.

Undoubtedly there is some truth in this. Excessive jealousy is an unpleasant thing both for the jealous and for the one who is jealous. However, in this article, we will consider jealousy in terms of strength, creative and strengthening relationships.

Everyone, to one degree or another, dreamed of never being jealous of the object of their love. A stereotype has formed in society that being jealous means showing your dependence on the one you are in love with. And everyone, in one way or another, wanted to be jealous of him, but not to be jealous of himself. This is not quite the right position. Jealousy is like a wind that can ignite the nascent flame of a relationship. It is also like a hurricane that extinguishes quite a large fire of feelings in the hearth of relationships. Jealousy is one of the levers that, if handled correctly, can enhance a partner's feelings towards themselves. As well as reinforce your own feelings towards your partner.

Jealousy keeps such a feeling as falling in love. Jealousy is an indicator of interest in the person we are in love with. No jealousy - no interest, no love. The same applies to the person who is interested in us. Leave him the opportunity to be jealous of you so that his interest in you does not disappear.

Each person is interested in what is interesting to the majority. We are so arranged that we ignore what no one needs. Why should we be interested in what others are not interested in? If they are not interested, then there is nothing valuable for us either. That's why we feel strange

We are jealous
It's not very pleasant to experience this feeling yourself, is it? However, there is good news - you are in love, or on the way to it. And that's great! This means that you have a chance to experience the unearthly pleasure of love ... provided that you do not stifle this feeling with jealousy or turn the pleasure into masochistic torment.

No one needs to be taught how to enjoy love. Everyone knows how to enjoy and a lot of mind is not required here. We will figure out how not to go to two extremes that will deprive this pleasure.

Extreme one: All-consuming jealousy

It is always good to be a little jealous of your passion - it enhances the sweetness of the moment of each next meeting, makes it desirable and attractive. Worse, when all our thoughts are focused on the fact that the partner is now paying attention to someone else, when not next to us. Such thoughts spoil any relationship, and the conversations that will inevitably occur under the influence of such thoughts make our partner make excuses and feel guilty for what he did not do.

You can get rid of this by switching thoughts to other things. For example: work, communication with other people (including flirting), watching movies or playing computer games.

Also, not a bad technique is to change the tone of your thoughts. If a partner went to a meeting with friends without you and you are tormented by thoughts whether he is flirting with someone of the opposite sex at this meeting, then it is enough to think that something terrible can happen to him so that jealousy is gone. Indeed, in our life there are enough dangers, such as: criminals, getting hit by a car, low-quality alcohol and much more. And getting into trouble is much easier than having an affair with someone. Having set yourself up for such thoughts, your call at half past eleven at night will not be painted with colors of jealousy, but only with concern about whether everything is in order with him. And having received an affirmative answer, you will only be glad for your partner that everything is fine with him and he enjoys the meeting.

At first, changing the direction of your thoughts can seem like a titanic and almost impossible task. But each time it will be easier and you will be able to control HOW it is more profitable for you to think in this or that situation.

Extreme Two: Indifference

Some people consider the pangs of jealousy to be an obligatory manifestation of love, and subconsciously they try to kill not jealousy in themselves, but love. Some get it, some don't. Those who achieve this goal begin to feel complete indifference to their partner. The same ending awaits those who overdo it too much in the actions that were described above.

Some are pleased with their own indifference. Since it allows you to receive attention from a partner without spending much effort, without worrying and remaining in a sober mind. However, in fact, there is nothing good in this - as it deprives them of the joy of receiving pleasure from the Love that was in the heart until this moment.

The subtlety lies in not getting rid of jealousy completely, leaving a small ember in your soul. It is he who will warm up your love for a partner.

If the ember goes out on its own, and your partner does not create conditions for jealousy to be born in your heart, you can direct your thoughts yourself to make this ember flare up. For example: if you are absolutely calm about your partner and are sure that no one needs him except you, then it is useful to "cheat" yourself a little that your mutual friend looked at him at one of the past parties. Or, if your crush is late at work, direct your thoughts to what she might have a date at the moment.

It looks like a perversion, but it allows you to "warm up" subsided feelings.

Using the techniques in the situations described above, you can accelerate and slow down your jealousy when it suits you. It turns out a kind of "swing of your feelings." It is important to remember that feelings do not accelerate or slow down instantly. This takes some time. Therefore, you should be careful and restrained in what you are doing. Otherwise, you can not calculate and the "swing of feelings" will simply come off from your efforts. Or you simply do not have enough exposure to "push" them to the desired height.

We are jealous
We often ask our partner "Are you jealous?" or slightly thinner "Are you ticklish?", believing that if a person is ticklish, then he is jealous. We do this in order to get a whole range of sensations: pleasure, that we will be jealous, that we are able to ignite jealousy in someone. And from some displeasure that we can expect a relationship in which we will have to make excuses to the jealous in order to calm him down.

Extreme one: Make the partner indifferent to our person

Meanwhile, it depends only on us and our actions whether our partner will be blind jealous or will be indifferent to us. Already at the initial stages of a relationship, we lay, if it can be called that, a foundation in the feelings of our partner towards us. If a person is very nice to us, we try in every possible way to show him that we have no relationship with the opposite sex. Sometimes so strongly that we literally talk about the fact that in our life there is no one at all but this person. This is not a very correct behavior, as it deprives our personality of mystery and attractiveness. As mentioned above - if there is not a single representative of the opposite sex in our life, does this mean that we are simply not interesting for them? And as a consequence, we can predict with very high accuracy that we will not be able to interest this person strongly enough for him to show the attention worthy of us.

If at the same time you yourself show a lot of attention to a person, then this will show him even more that you are not a very interesting candidate to start an affair with you.

In a relationship that has already begun, making a person a little jealous is no less important than at the stages of dating. This will keep him in good shape. This will make you a desirable person for him. And you don't need to invent or write anything. This technique is quite primitive and not effective. The main weapon for jealousy: fantasy of your partner!

It is enough SOMETIMES to stay at work for an hour, explaining this by workload. Or meet with friends from time to time, and after meeting with them - to talk about the meeting is not too detailed. Or, talking about a corporate party, casually mention that an employee from a neighboring department dances terribly and you did not get any pleasure from the dance. Everything else will be finished by the fantasy of your passion :)

Extreme two: Make a terrible jealous partner

When taking actions that will not allow your partner to cool off towards your personality, it is very important not to overdo it. Otherwise, you can get not a person in love with you, but a person deprived of reason from jealousy.

When making your partner jealous, you should NEVER forget that you need to give him attention, care and your feelings. If this is not done, without receiving attention from you, his fantasy will draw the most terrible pictures, even if you return to work and from work together, and spend all weekends without fail with each other. Lacking your attention, he will find a reason for jealousy in any extraneous glance at you. Partially this question was considered in the article "Low self-esteem? Or a high sense of ownership?".

Therefore, if your partner is overly jealous, you should become a predictable person FOR A TIME, talk about the time that you spend separately in enough detail to deprive his mind of fantasies and by all means give him your attention and love.

Conclusion
We must certainly remember that our own feelings and the feelings of other people are rather inert. They need time to build up and to slow down. Therefore, influencing your partner in order to extinguish jealousy, you should stock up on endurance. And warming up his jealousy - do not overdo it and do not play too much yourself, absolutely extinguishing your own feelings for him.

Playing with jealousy is quite an exciting activity. As exciting as it is dangerous. After all, your relationship is at stake in this game. And it depends on your actions whether they improve or collapse into oblivion.

Feelings of jealousy: armed and very dangerous

Someone smart said that jealousy always “walks along with suspicion, hatred and anger, and each of the trinity is armed with a dagger, followed by repentance. Which, however, is no longer needed by anyone. ”

Let's talk about such a terrible phenomenon as jealousy, which corrodes and destroys relationships.

Jealousy is the Silent Relationship Killer

Why quiet, if many people yell so loudly in a fit of jealousy? Because there is still a common misconception that jealous means love. Yeah, how it beats - it means loves ...

The myth that "the one who loves is jealous."

Jealousy has nothing to do with love at all. Love is based on a conscious preference for fidelity and responsibility for one's choice of a partner. Otherwise, why be together?

Constant outbursts of jealousy only interfere with love and turn relationships into a series of suffering and distrust.

Loyalty vs Jealousy - which side are you on?

Do you want to know what to do with jealousy? Let's talk about loyalty then. After all, the jealous ones demand it so much.

Faith, confidence, trust, fidelity - words that are close in meaning.

Loyalty as a quality of a person is formed in adolescence, when we actively learn about ourselves and the world around us, learn to be friends. And then love.

How to deal with jealousy?

Initially, we learn to believe in ourselves and in ourselves. The stronger this feeling is manifested, the higher the level of self-confidence. Only after we learn this are we able to trust others.

Jealousy is the lack of fidelity. Jealousy is loyalty in reverse.

Loyalty is a state of faith in yourself, loyalty to your words, which are confirmed by deeds, loyalty to your principles, your own business, friends, loved ones.

Loyalty means that you are responsible for your choice to yourself initially.

Where does jealousy come from?

Jealousy occurs when a person:

• does not believe in himself;
• does not know how to trust anyone;
• unable to make his words and deeds match;
• does not know how to make friends;
• has no principles to which he conforms;
• does not know what responsibility for oneself, one's words, choices, actions is.

Love and jealousy have different paths

What did we not see in the list of reasons that cause jealousy? Love!

Jealousy does not stem from love. The basis of jealousy is the fear of losing what you love.

Remember, this pathological feeling grows out of self-doubt, your relationship with your partner. Be it a friend, a child, anyone.

Also, doubts that a partner loves you play into the hands of jealousy of a woman. What if he prefers another, which will be better than you? After all, you then doubt that WORTHY.

Believe in yourself - protect yourself from feelings of jealousy

Jealousy is the result of a possessive attitude towards your partner. It arises when you are consumed by the desire to have a monopoly on the personal life of the chosen one, to interfere in all his affairs.

Understand that jealousy is an outward manifestation of the fact that you do not have such a quality as loyalty. Do you know why? And because everyone judges for himself.

In a situation with jealousy, a person often does not even realize his potential infidelity. But he has trouble believing in himself and trusting the world. And he broadcasts them outward through insecurity in others.

Jealous just does not know how to believe. Because he does not have the experience of faith and trust in himself in the first place.

Beware of the delusions of jealousy. case from practice

I have an acquaintance. As far as I can remember, he always cheated on his wife with different beauties-nyashes. He referred to the fact that his wife "is not his ideal in appearance."

And so, he fell in love with one of the passions. So much so that he even left his wife.

His girlfriend was a very bright, sexy brunette who was noticed by everyone. She adored her man. But just a month later, he turned their lives into hell with wild jealous tantrums.

The girl roared with me more than once during consultations, telling through tears that she adores him and does not even notice others.

Outcome? He brought her to hatred, and she went to another.

Human jealousy can breed

But the worst thing about this is something else. A person with unbelief and lack of fidelity attracts a partner like himself.

Remember, if you did not lack faith on a subconscious level, then unfaithful partners simply would not fall into your field of vision.

You can argue that if you hadn’t burned yourself once, you “would not have blown into the water.”

But not everything is around everyone. This is not a general problem, but only for those who“ imprisoned” cheating on a subconscious level. You can't argue with psychology.

"Exile" into treason, or Jealousygives bad advice

Whether it is female or male jealousy - in each case it is a mutual collusion. Like a victim-sadist couple.

No matter how faithful a partner comes across to a jealous one, he will still torment the chosen one with jealousy and distrust. Which, by the way, can eventually provoke treason. Like, “What, in vain do I regularly get hit on the head?”.

Beware, pathological jealousy!

By the way, it is very important to distinguish pathological jealousy. It is not only a frequent reason for turning to psychologists and psychiatrists, but also adds work to law enforcement agencies.

Let's not forget that it is jealousy that is the most common motive for murder in families.

So to call jealousy “a harmless form of manifestation of love” is definitely impossible.

Pathological jealousy is one of those problems that philosophers, poets and doctors have been describing for centuries. The latter even distinguish it as a separate disease.

Signs of jealousy as a referral to the doctor

Pathological jealousy is not a specific symptom of a particular disease.On the contrary, it occurs in almost any mental disorder.

Personality pathology, neurosis, depression, alcohol and drug abuse, schizophrenia, organic pathology (less often) - in all these diagnoses one can find references to abnormal jealousy.

For this reason, it is important to refer the client to a psychiatric consultation at the slightest suspicion of an incomprehensible mechanism for the emergence of jealousy. It's incomprehensible.

Does your husband or boyfriend show excessive aggressiveness at the slightest hint of the appearance of a man in your environment? Then I recommend thinking about the mental health of the chosen one and your safety.

Grow flowers on the soil of jealousy

Jealousy is an almost normal feeling under certain conditions. It is about the manifestation of possessive instincts.

In the same time complete lack of jealousyunder the same conditionsmay indicate the presence of emotional pathology. For example, emotional rigidity, which is also destructive for relationships.

Provocation is the worst embodiment of jealousy

Another dangerous aspect of jealousy is provocation - the artificial induction of jealousy. Women often resort to this weapon in an attempt to warm up relationships and attention to themselves.

Sometimes jealousy can spark a relationship that is fading. But not when a person uses it constantly as an instrument of pressure.

By provoking a partner to jealousy, you unconsciously or consciously influence his self-esteem and encourage competition.

He and his “rival” are training in the achievements “who will receive the main prize - the love of a woman?”.

You, like a provocateur, rest on the laurels of your own pride and think about how else to arouse jealousy. And men bring all kinds of gifts to your feet: attention, love, colorful emotions, presents, etc.

Do you love a man or his jealousy?

At the heart of your provocations, albeit unconscious, is the lack of attention and love in early childhood.And now you are trying in such a dishonest way to compensate for what you didn’t receive, pushing people head-on in the battle for your person.

That is, you assert yourself by provoking.

But listen, deliberately causing jealousy of a partner is an unacceptable technique if we are talking about a trusting, loving relationship.

Look, there is such a scheme. You provoke your man to jealousy. He's into it. The two of you are pursuing the same goal - to get attention and love.

Only one in this situation stands in the "pose" of a sadist, and the other - a masochist.

What position do you like best? For me, none.

Girl, you're fed with jealousy

Men also often “feed” their women the poison of jealousy in the form of provocations “and we have such a new secretary, pretty, young.”

So subconsciously "gain" points in the eyes of the chosen ones.

How NOT to respond to provocations?

Your worst reactions in this situation would be:

• “Probably a fool and a prostitute, like all secretaries”;
• “And you, like a dog, have your ears hung out already ?!”;
• “I’ll see her next to me, I’ll pull out all her hair extensions for her”;
• “And our new manager gave me a lift in a cool car.”

You should also not be offended and defiantly not talk to a man.

Reactions like this only devalue you. They show that your ego is hurt, wounded.

As a result, the manipulator receives the emotions that he was counting on, and continues to "squeeze" you further.

We neutralize the manipulation

One of the best ways to respond is not to give the manipulator the expected reaction, not to reinforce his manipulative behavior. Better yet, turn his manipulation to your advantage.

Alternatively, you can ask your husband questions that will encourage him to express his needs directly, rather than indirectly.

You can also neutralize the manipulation of humor.

Why a woman is provoked to jealousy

By the way, with such behavior of the chosen one, take a closer look at yourself. Maybe you started your man? Haven’t complimented him for a long time, didn’t thank him, didn’t admire her knight that he provokes you to “love”?

Or maybe she let herself go.And with jealousy your man is trying to provoke you to look after yourself?

Or is provoking jealousy the norm in your relationship? Then what are you doing there?

Attempted Jealousy: Pain or Pleasure

Look, one of my clients was so “provoked” with his wife that he left for her friend. It was this woman that he constantly cited as an example of grooming and excellent taste.

The wife flaunted that he should love her for who she is and thank her for her son.

Until one day, in the literal sense of the word, she pulled her husband off her friend when she returned home ahead of time. The family broke up. And the friends poured slop on each other for a long time for the whole city.

But it should be noted that the ex-wife blossomed - either in spite of her husband, or thanks to the exit "to the fair of brides."

Really it was impossible to make such a move earlier, when it was relevant for her husband?

How to deal with jealousy?

• Make love, not kill her

Do everything to strengthen your relationship, not destroy it.

Instead of playing pinkerton, be interesting to him. And first of all, be interesting to yourself.

Remember, constant spying on your man, you provoke a lie. He "just in case" will hide everything from you. Distrust only pushes you away.

• Improve yourself and strengthen your relationships

Stop being an emotional beggar and contribute to your relationship yourself.

Show your partner your care and trust, give compliments, thank you.

Look, the fidelity of the spouses is not a derivative of surveillance, suspicion and distrust. This is the result of a strong, reliable relationship that satisfies both.

• Boost your self-esteem

Well, tell me, why value you if you are not a value for yourself?

Work on your shortcomings, believe in your strengths.

And then you realize that “you yourself need such a cow”, and you are important for your man. And if not, why do you need it?

• Work with your fears

Ask yourself honestly.What are you afraid of when you poison yourself with jealousy?Lose Him? Stay alone?

Maybe, really, he is the wrong partner and it's time to let him go? Why hold on to him, they say, “if only not by yourself”, and take the potential place of a worthy partner?

• Stop comparing

It's about your self-esteem. And besides, why show the man himself that someone is better than you?

It only makes sense to compare with yourself - whether you have become better than your former self.

• Disconnect with a partner

Live your life, find yourself, a hobby.

Often the reason for jealousy is the fixation of one of the partners on the life of the other.

It happens that this happens due to the lack of their interests and personal life. And such a partner has no choice but to live the life of another.

This applies not only to jealousy, but also to excessive control by parents (usually mothers) in relation to children.

Understand that your control, your anxiety, your endless interventions in someone's life will not make either you or the object of interference happier.

• Be honest and trust your man

Drop all those spy games and hidden doubts. If something is bothering you, ask your partner directly.

Just don't do it in the form of a scandal. Calmly.

I'm not saying that no one has such a reason)

But it often happens that we begin to suspect our partner not because he did not justify our trust. But only because we ourselves experience fear and self-doubt.

Jealousy in this case is not based on anything in reality, but stems only from our personal feelings. And offends partner.

• Learn to truly forgive

Forgive me sincerely if you were cheated on in the past, but you decided to move on.

Sometimes this happens because the person succumbed to the temptation, but continues to love you. In other cases, it is the result of a moment of weakness, a mistake for which he can be forgiven.

Cheating did not kill love in you, did you both realize the “contribution” of each to it and see the value of your relationship? Then find the strength and love in yourself to forgive him and yourself that you “didn’t finish watching”. And move on.

When Overcoming Jealousy Isn't Your Option

Of course, such a situation is also possible that jealousy is not groundless, your partner has fallen in love with another, or he is systematically cheating.

Then it's better Ask yourself an honest question: what do you expect? What are you doing here?

Maybe it’s worth gathering your dignity and self-respect into a fist and finally breaking out of it? Instead of poisoning yourself with the poison of jealousy.

The world will be saved by Love! Love to you and wisdom.
Yaroslav Samoilov

Jealousy in relationships is common. Everyone has experienced this at least once in their life. In most cases, one partner provokes the other to jealousy by their behavior, but sometimes jealousy is completely groundless. In any case, this situation leads to serious conflicts, which sometimes turn into a final break in relations.

Where does jealousy come from? Is it a personality trait or just depends on the situation? For what reason is female jealousy most often the reason for breaking up relationships and is it possible to somehow deal with this?

First of all, we will deal with why jealousy arises and what are its causes.

Causes of jealousy

Basically, the causes of jealousy lie in fears. A woman is afraid of losing her partner, of being alone and not needed by anyone else.

Another reason for fear lies in low self-esteem:

• “I got too fat after giving birth”;
• “I have an ugly nose”;
• "I have small breasts";
• “how can someone like me be interesting to him”;
• “there are so many women around more beautiful than me”;
• "He's better with friends, he's not interested in me."

If a woman has a low opinion of herself, then she is too attached to her man, rejoicing that “at least someone was seduced by her” and trying with all her might to keep her partner near her. Naturally, in such a situation, even a greeting that a man exchanged with some woman can serve as a reason for an outbreak of jealousy, and as a result, turn into an ugly scandal.

Another reason for the fear of losing your partner lies in the fact that a woman’s head is crammed with incomprehensibly where it came from and obviously wrong settings, for example:

• “A loving husband should spend all his free time with his wife”;
• “if a man really loves a woman, then he should not even notice others”;
• “all men cheat, there are no faithful ones”;
• “men only need sex, different and in large quantities”;
• "If a man loves, he must constantly talk about it."

And in cases where a man does not correspond at least in some way, a woman tries to defend herself through attacks and outbursts of aggression, which are called jealousy.

Therefore, it cannot be said that a person can be jealous by nature, it is just a way to veil your fear.

What causes female jealousy in a relationship?

If a woman is jealous, then sooner or later this will become the reason for breaking off relations. A rare man will endure constant tantrums with charges that are completely incomprehensible to him and will try to quickly run away from a too conflicting partner. Wanting to keep him, a jealous woman only aggravates the situation and, without knowing it, destroys the relationship that she so wanted to maintain.

Why can a woman live her whole life with a jealous husband and not especially suffer from this peculiarity of his, and a man is motivated by manifestations of jealousy to flee? The reason is that men and women have not only physiological differences, but also their perception of the world is completely different.

Since ancient times, a woman has been considered something like an “attachment” to a man, in some cultures even his property, that is, a being obviously dependent and unsuitable for living alone. Therefore, when a man shows possessive feelings towards his woman, this is considered the norm, of course, if we are not talking about pathological jealousy, surveillance, harassment and assault.

The other thing is the man. The head of the family, breadwinner, protector, in other words, a strong and independent personality. He is unlikely to endure a situation when someone tries to limit him, "tie him to a skirt" and try to lead him. It is quite natural that a protest arises, which each man, depending on his character and temperament, expresses in his own way.

How do men react to female jealousy and what does it provoke them to?

When a man is faced with a too nervous partner, then at the initial stage of the relationship he tries to "solve everything with the world." Gifts, compliments, assurances that “you are the best” and “I don’t need anyone else” are used. But for too long, no man can stay in the role without “guilty of the guilty”. Further events may develop in different ways.

The first option, on which we will not focus too much, since it is rare, is when a man becomes completely enslaved by his hysterical soul mate, is afraid to move away from her even a step, not to mention taking some liberties even mentally . Dear women, those who constantly harass their beloved men with scenes of jealousy, think about it: do you really want to spend your life next to a weak-willed creature that you can’t even call a man?

In the second case, the man simply leaves. He is tired of making excuses, enduring all these "Mexican passions" with tears, screams and breaking dishes. And what happens to a woman is what she was so afraid of and what she tried to fight with - she remains alone and no tears and assurances, “I just love you very much” will force a man to stay with her.

The third option - the man remains in the family. But at the same time, he begins to do exactly what his wife undeservedly reproached him for, that is, he enters into a relationship on the side. This is done from the principle “if he accuses, then at least there will be a real reason for this.” In this situation, a man may not even try to hide his adventures from his wife. And sometimes he even deliberately flaunts them, appearing with his mistresses where he will definitely meet his wife's girlfriends or acquaintances. The situation is such that it will be difficult to come up with a more stupid one: the woman, with her jealousy and unfounded accusations, herself pushed the man to do something that he had not thought about before.

Someone still has a desire to beat the dishes with shouts of “you won’t miss a single skirt.” Well, if not.

But what if jealousy appears and causes suffering? Of course, fight it!

How to deal with jealousy?

It's quite real. Do not rush to accuse a man of all mortal sins, stop for a minute and think about the situation. What exactly did he do that was so terrible?

Did you look after a pretty girl? But don't you yourself pay attention to beautiful men?

Have you been on the phone with a work colleague for a long time? And your boss never calls you at odd hours and even on weekends?

Hanging out with friends over a glass of beer? Do you never stay with a girlfriend for half a day, despite the fact that you went to her place only "a second"?

Try on the situation for yourself and in most cases you will see that nothing terrible happens.

Pay attention to yourself, update your wardrobe, visit a beauty salon and a gym, spend your unbridled energy on something useful so that it does not spill out into a scandal later. And remember, if a man decides to leave you, you will never stop him, and if he really loves you, then you have nothing to fear.

What to do if jealousy does not disappear anywhere?

There are situations when it was not possible to overcome this unpleasant feeling. Understand yourself. Maybe you are haunted by fears and complexes, or is it because of your wrong attitudes and ideas about relationships? If so, then the reason is in yourself and you need to try to look for a solution to the problem, and not bring down your anger on an innocent partner.

If the reason is in the behavior of your loved one, do not rush to make a scandal. Try talking to your man. Tell him what worries you and ask him not to provoke you with his behavior anymore, if he is really to blame, and not your violent fantasy. Learn to negotiate and understand each other.

Always stay interesting, do not get hung up on household chores, find something to do beyond this. Do not dissolve in your man, let you have your own, interesting and eventful life.

Do not forget the folk wisdom that a stupid wife watches her husband, and a smart wife takes care of herself.

Love and jealousy occupy a special place in the psychology of relationships. This is the eternal theme of love stories and poems. No less has been written about jealousy than about love. Therefore, many consider jealousy one of the sides of love. They say that jealousy follows love like a shadow. Most likely, she was born simultaneously with love and is a frequent companion of family life.

Jealousy has been treated differently at different times. In the last century in our country, it was considered a relic of the past, guaranteeing that after changes in society and in the individual himself, it will disappear. But the world and people change, but love and jealousy continue to exist.
What is jealousy? How does jealousy affect the harmony of family relationships? And is it possible to get rid of jealousy?

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is considered a complex feeling that includes many experiences with a real or perceived betrayal of a loved one. Therefore, the content of jealousy is treason. But jealousy can arise not only in connection with the actual betrayal, but also because of the alleged betrayal. In other words, it can also be caused by the imagination of a jealous person. Jealousy can be a short-term reaction or it can exist for a long time. It can be a trait of a person's character, manifesting itself throughout life. Jealousy often lives longer than love. Often the relationship of spouses who have lived for many years cannot be called passionate love. But jealousy manifests itself with the same force as in young years, and sometimes it increases significantly.

Jealousy is a feeling that is not combined with logic and common sense. There is jealousy for those who are not currently alive or for those who can be met in the future. Men are more likely to suffer from it, and the consequences of jealousy are quite severe. Public opinion is often sympathetic to even the most ruthless varieties of jealous revenge. Interesting information can be gleaned from the article about.

Types of jealousy

The capacity for jealousy varies from person to person. Experts who have been studying the psychology of jealousy for many years divide it into several categories. On the one hand, those who express pathological jealousy, on the other hand, people who almost do not experience jealousy. And intermediate categories are considered the norm. It should be noted that love changes all the time. Jealousy, like its shadow, is also constantly changing. Changes in it occur under the influence of many factors. According to psychologists, people experience a feeling of jealousy even before marriage, but it intensifies after marriage. A significant difference in the age of the spouses is the basis for jealousy, and not only in old age.

Psychologists distinguish jealous people by the quality of the feelings they show. At opposite poles are such types of jealousy as tyrannical jealousy And jealousy from hurt.

From tyrannical jealousy those who suffer are stubborn, domineering, self-righteous, petty, emotionally cold, and aloof. They tend to dominate in relations with their wife (husband). These people put forward high demands for their family members, which are often extremely difficult to fulfill. Talking about the fact that they are to blame for a bad relationship is unacceptable for them. They always try to shift the responsibility for the lack of attention to them on other people. And if such a person observes the cooling of a sexual partner, then he seeks to explain this circumstance in his own way. And often he blames the partner for everything, who supposedly has a penchant for infidelity. In the psychology of jealousy, the tyrannical type of jealousy is considered the darkest option. He makes family life hell. These people need medical help. Read about the psychology of a tyrant's husband.

suffer people who have an anxious and suspicious nature. They are distinguished by such qualities of character as exaggeration of their shortcomings, failures and troubles. They tend to fall into despair easily. They consider themselves weak and uninteresting, therefore they do not hope for a good attitude towards them from those around them, hard experiencing their fate. They are in constant expectation of betrayal of their partner. Even small changes in attitude towards them are immediately caught and immediately give rise to baseless conclusions. If they notice a little less love, care, attention and affection in the words and actions of a partner, then doubts and suspicions immediately appear.

Among people suffering from jealousy from infringement, there are also those who hide their insecurities, creating the appearance of a strong and determined person. However, this image is only a mask. She hides great vulnerability and sensitivity even to small ones. The reason for such jealousy is low self-esteem, which may be the result of a deep inferiority complex received even before marriage.

Psychology of jealousy: how does jealousy arise?

Psychologists of jealousy distinguish two types of its manifestation.

1. Reversed jealousy.
   It is the result of the jealous person's own attitude towards infidelity. And regardless of whether he realized his desire or not. But since he has such a desire, it seems to him that his partner also allows such thoughts. In most cases, converted jealousy appears in one of the partners in the place of past love.
2. Instilled jealousy.
   It comes from life experience. Infidelity of parents, infidelity among friends, acquaintances, talk about infidelity can convince suggestible people that they are changing everything and everywhere. Among the sources of inspired jealousy may be anecdotes and jokes of people around, as well as unfortunate witticisms of a sexual partner. But such jokes are not entirely harmless: jealousy settles in the soul of a person.

Jealousy in alcoholism

Alcoholism can give rise to both normal and pathological jealousy, the so-called delirium of jealousy. If we are talking about normal jealousy, then it occurs with alcohol intoxication and disappears when a person sobers up. It constantly arises in subsequent intoxications and appears on the basis of suspicions, and not in accordance with real facts. With the increase in alcohol dependence, jealousy begins to transform into a pathology. Manifestations of jealousy in alcoholics are very dangerous. Often she (jealousy) appears as a result of sexual disorders that occur under the influence of alcohol.

Psychologists say that in people suffering from alcoholism, jealousy is much more common than in people who do not suffer from this disease. Alcoholics are characterized by the manifestation of jealousy in the form of violence, often aggressive actions (even murders) and auto-aggression. As can be observed from experience, murders by jealous men were committed in a state of intoxication. Many of them are alcoholics. Therefore, for those whose jealousy is a character trait and is pronounced, drinking alcohol is strictly contraindicated.

Jealousy: emotional experiences

Being in the maximum stage of the suffering of jealousy, a person feels great tension. Experiencing deep love, a person becomes blind: he sees only good features in his beloved. However, the same blindness exists in jealousy, when a person loses his reason and is in a state of passion.
Experts who study the psychology of jealousy distinguish such a feeling as love pain. The more love, the more acute the pain of jealousy. It is especially difficult for men to endure pain. Most suicidal acts happen because of this feeling. Love pain can explain the fact that sometimes jealousy gets out of control and is the cause of violence.

With jealousy, a person experiences a lot of negative emotions: anger, resentment, hatred, rage, despair, anxiety, passion and a thirst for revenge. A person's personality is destroyed as a result of painful doubts and suspicions.
The psychology of jealousy highlights the characteristic features of male and female jealousy

The experience of jealousy in men

For the appearance of jealousy, the character of a man is not important (jealous or not). Treason (real or imaginary) is perceived as a blow of great strength, as a huge misfortune. A state of affect is formed: there is no self-control, uncontrollable aggressiveness towards the spouse arises and the whole range of negative emotions is manifested. But aggressive actions are not directed at the opponent, but only at the spouse.

Men are having a hard time with betrayal, despite numerous betrayals on their part. And this circumstance is connected with shame and disgrace, if others find out about it. In this situation, the jealous person experiences the emotion of shame. Do men share their experiences with their friends? For many of them, secrecy in this matter is characteristic.

Often male jealousy is aggressive. Even in cases where this jealousy is unfounded, men can commit rash, cruel, and sometimes tragic actions. As a result of men's propensity for fantasies, such as sexual ones, their jealousy can make an elephant out of a fly. And the furniture begins to crumble, the dishes break, and both the spouse and the children get it. Such behavior does not help restore peace in the family, the situation is even more heated. And in a situation where it is enough to joke or affectionately reproach to clarify the relationship, hostility arises. The injured pride of a man leads to difficult experiences.

The experience of jealousy in women

From the position of some psychologists, female jealousy is based on the fear of losing the "source of resources."
But it is also common for women to experience a painful feeling of jealousy. Unlike men, women do not try to hide the fact of their spouse's infidelity. Often they even without reason complain about the infidelity of their husbands. They hate and persecute rivals, rage and hatred are not directed at men, but at rivals. Their aggression in some cases takes absurd, ugly forms. But she agrees to return to her husband and, if successful, will consider his return a triumph. Men are more sensitive to rivals than women. They are jealous even of those who were before, while women, on the contrary, are calm about the past sexual relations of the spouses. The fact that there were others is not important, because he chose her. New knowledge in the field will help to deal with jealousy.

Consequences of jealousy

There are families where family relationships have a special style: passion, jealousy, scandal, fights, and then reconciliation and passion again. And this is how it goes all the time. However, extreme manifestations of jealousy gradually destroy the family.
First: relations between spouses deteriorate as a result of any jealousy. Constant suspicions, caustic reproaches, surveillance, reservations, tears and systematic scandals gradually poison family life. The house is filled with anxiety and fear. As a result, all this becomes the basis for divorce.
Second: violent showdowns, systematic conflicts associated with constant jealousy, have a bad effect on the psyche of children if they are in the family. Children react quite sharply to tense parental relationships, and strife due to jealousy can cause not only sharp and painful reactions, but also the loss of parental authority.
Third: jealousy generated by the fictional betrayal of one of the spouses can cause real betrayal. There is, so to speak, "treason in retaliation." “If you think I am like that, it means that you yourself are capable of this act, so I will not remain in debt either!”. Such actions do not improve relations. The result is a divorce.
Fourth: Jealousy, if not taken under control, can be obsessive and lead to mental pathology. According to psychiatrists, "nonsense of jealousy" is difficult to cure.
Fifth: the negative emotions experienced by jealous people destroy their health.
If we analyze the stress scale, then betrayal, and, consequently, jealousy will correspond to the strongest blow. In terms of strength, it can be compared with the stress experienced after the death of a loved one ... In such a situation, a person feels pressure in the chest, “heart sinking” and sometimes it seems that the earth is leaving from under his feet. Besides, it is impossible to run away from jealousy. People try to keep themselves within the bounds of what is permitted. But the nervous and then the immune systems are depleted, and this leads to the development of many diseases.
Jealousy, unfortunately, often exposes our weaknesses and the darkest sides of our personality. Its origins are in low self-esteem, in fear of losing the object of love.

How to deal with jealousy

There is no faceless jealousy. Like love, it is necessarily directed to another person. Both spouses contribute a lot to feelings of love and jealousy. There is an opinion that if he is jealous, then he loves. But jealousy should be kept under control, because its manifestations are not always good for spouses.

• You need constant control over your behavior. If your half is jealous, then you should not give reasons for jealousy. If suddenly they appeared, then learn to dispel any mistrust;
• analyze your own feelings. Try to understand what your feeling of jealousy is based on: low self-esteem, selfishness, a desire to dominate, heightened ambition or fear of losing a loved one;
• don't lose respect for yourself. Negative emotions embracing a person do not adorn him at all. In any situation, do not stoop to rudeness and anger. Maintain your self-respect;
• raise your self-esteem: do not humiliate yourself by begging for love. To avoid betrayal, try to be worthy of strong and devoted love;
• love and respect yourself: you cannot inspire another person to love yourself if you do not love and appreciate yourself.

The psychology of jealousy cannot accurately answer the questions of what jealousy is, whether jealousy can be considered a blessing or a terrible punishment for people. But jealousy was, is and will be. It is important to learn to live with it and control its manifestations.