Relationships between parents and children: the rules of good parents. How to treat your parents What are the rules for the relationship of children to parents

Honoring parents in Orthodoxy

Honoring parents is the first duty of children. Even in pre-Christian times, it was an unshakable rule among all peoples that the younger ones always revered and respected the elders. Especially the children of their parents.

Honoring parents requires, first of all, nature itself: after all, thanks to parents, we are called to life. And for this alone, mother and father should be valued. And not only for that. Our parents brought us up, educated us, looked after us, vigilantly watched every step, helped when we needed outside help. They endured the greatest sorrows, difficulties, illnesses, failures in their hearts. And, of course, all this teaches children to honor and respect their parents.

There are many examples of the love of parents for their children in the Scriptures. And even the vices of children, their wrong actions, maternal and paternal love can forgive them. Therefore, children should remember this and try to be grateful to their parents. Absalom severely offended his father, the king and prophet David, rebelling against him with his worthless subjects. But listen to what David says to his commanders: save the boy Absalom for me (2 Sam. 18:5), and when Absalom died, David deeply mourned, wept, sobbed and said: “My son, my son Absalom! Oh, who would let me die instead of you... (2 Kings 18:33). Let us also recall from the New Testament story what spiritual grief filled the appeal of the Canaanite woman to the Savior: “Have mercy on me, Lord, son of David, my daughter is violently mad” (Matthew 15:22). The daughter suffers, but the mother suffers doubly. So she says: have mercy on me, Lord! Such is the tender love of parents towards their children. And children should not forget this. To this parental love, children must also respond with mutual, tender love for them.

“Honor your father and your mother, may it be good for you, may you live long on earth,” says the fifth Commandment of God (Exodus 20:12). It is noteworthy that this commandment follows immediately after the commandments about loving God. Then they go: “Thou shalt not kill,” “Thou shalt not steal,” and all the rest. Already from this we can conclude what significance the Lord God Himself attaches to the fulfillment of His will to honor parents. In addition, this commandment is unique for another reason: it is the only one in which the Lord promises something to a person, namely, a great reward for fulfilling this commandment already in this life. Think about it: "May it be good for you, may you live long on earth." The time of our earthly life and the well-being of a person are directly related to the fulfillment of the commandment to honor parents. And it is also said: whoever curses his father or mother, let him die the death (Mt. 15:4). And there are many such examples when a parent's blessing brought down grace on the souls of their children. And vice versa - the parental curse subjected the recalcitrant children to terrible suffering, torment.

St. Nicholas of Serbia writes that honoring parents means that: “Before you knew anything about the Lord God, your parents knew about it. And this is enough to bow to them and give praise and reverence. Bow down and reverently thank everyone who has known the Highest Good in this world before you.” In support of his thought, he gives an example: “One rich Indian youth traveled with his retinue through the valley of the Hindu Kush. In the valley he met an old man tending goats. The beggar old man bowed his head in respect and bowed deeply to the rich young man. The young man, quickly jumping off his elephant, prostrated himself before the old man on the ground. The old man was surprised at such an act of the young man, and all his servants were surprised. The young man said this: “I bow to your eyes, which before mine saw this light, the work of the hands of the Most High, I bow to your lips, which before mine pronounced His holy name, and I bow to your heart, which trembled before mine from the joyful discovery of the Father of all people on earth - the King of Heaven and the Lord of all.

What is the right way to honor your father and mother? Of course, first of all, love them, be sincerely grateful to them, obey them in everything that does not contradict the will of God, do not judge their actions, be patient with their infirmities, take care of them until their death, and after they depart from this peace, earnestly pray for their repose. All this is our sacred duty before God, before the parents themselves, before our children, who are brought up, first of all, not in words, but in our deeds. And, undoubtedly, a duty to ourselves, if we want good for ourselves in life, as it is said in the commandment.

“Day and night, exercise, son, to honor your mother, for in this way you will learn to honor all other mothers on earth,” says St. Nicholas of Serbia. - Verily, children, it is wrong to honor only your father and mother, and not to notice other fathers and mothers. Your reverence for your parents is necessary for you as a school of respect for all people and all women who give birth in agony and raise their children in labor and suffering. Remember this and live according to this commandment so that God will bless you on earth.”

Yes, you should always remember your responsibilities towards your parents. Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk says about this:
“Always pay tribute to those who gave birth to you, and you will be greatly blessed for this. Remember that your parents are your greatest benefactors. Remember all their sorrows, labors, experiences that they raised during your upbringing. And, remembering this, always thank them worthily for this. Do not offend them, show them obedience in everything. But this obedience must be reasonable. Obedience must be in accordance with the word of God and not contrary to the will of God. Do not do or undertake anything without the advice and blessing of your parents. If your parents punish you, if you consider this punishment just, if you really are guilty, then endure this punishment with meekness. Because your parents punish you for a good purpose, to correct you, to be kinder. If you think that this punishment is unfair, you are not guilty, then tell them about it, because you are their child. Do not leave your parents in need, help them, especially in their old age. If you notice any infirmities, weaknesses of your parents, then be afraid to condemn them, all the more so to disclose it to others. Do not imitate Ham, the son of Noah, who, seeing the nakedness of his father, informed the brothers about it. And if in any way you offend your parents, then by all means ask them for forgiveness as soon as possible. The Word of God commands us to ask for forgiveness from every neighbor offended by us, even more so from our parents, whom we must love and honor more than other people.

Children who disrespect their parents lose the blessing of God. They lose the grace of God. Holy Scripture, numerous examples from our lives teach us how we should treat our parents. After all, in our early childhood, our parents, as it were, replaced God with themselves. All power is based on the power of God, approved by the Lord. Moreover, parental authority is approved by the Lord. Therefore, the Lord fulfills the will of the parents in this case. Let us try to fulfill this commandment of God in our lives.

Copyright © 2015 Unconditional Love

Every mom and dad want to provide their child with the best - to surround their child with comfort and coziness, provide the best toys, clothes, and then provide the child with a quality education ... But here's the paradox: in order to surround the child with material goods, parents have to work hard for days at work devoting very little time to communicating with your child. The simple joys of family life fade into the background, and it is the little things, such as a joint day off, that will form the basis of happy childhood memories in the future.

So what to do in order not to lose touch with your own child, but, on the contrary, to strengthen relations with him? Here is a list of rules for a caring parent for every day that will help all family members feel happier:

It is worth showing your child your love and unconditional acceptance.

Quite often, parents, without noticing it themselves, position their love for the child as a commodity: “you give me ... - and I will love you in return.” This is heard in many parental requirements (“I will treat you well when you behave well, study for fives, clean the room ...”), and, as a result, the child becomes vulnerable, because even his own parents cannot accept him just the way he is! To avoid this situation, parents should definitely show their unconditional love for the child: say “thank you”, “I love you” and other gentle words more often.

Unconditional acceptance does not mean approval of everything the child does. You can simply disapprove of the individual actions of the child, and not his personality as a whole. For example, instead of the standard “loser”, you should say “it makes me sad that you got a bad grade again” - this statement does not blame the child, but at the same time makes it clear that his poor performance upsets you.

Talk about your feelings with your child

Of course, many adult problems should not be discussed with a child - something that he will not be able to understand, or in which he will not be able to help you at all. However, in many cases, talking with a child about feelings (and his and your feelings) is beneficial: it strengthens the bond between you, helps establish parent-child intimacy, and develops empathy and responsibility in the child.

It is worth noting that talking with a child about feelings and becoming a “best friend” for a child are not the same thing. There are topics that cannot be discussed with a child - relationships and quarrels with the other parent, for example, should become taboo. But it is possible and even necessary to talk about the feelings that arise in you in response to the actions of the child. It is also necessary to talk about the child's feelings - sometimes it is very important for children to find out if what they feel is normal, how to cope with negative experiences, etc. Talking to a loving parent in such a situation is the best way out.

Take an active interest in the child's life

Always up-to-date advice: ask during a joint dinner (or just in the evening) how the child's day went, what events he was filled with, what was good, etc. If the child has any problems, you can discuss it and provide support. In addition, the manifestation of such sincere interest strengthens the bond with the child, helps him feel important and loved.

Praise your child for accomplishments

It is very important to express approval, praise the child, sometimes even in the presence of other people. The child will be pleased to know that you are proud of him. However, it should always be borne in mind that one can only praise for real achievements: firstly, an adequate self-esteem should be formed in the child, and therefore it is very important to teach him to fairly evaluate his achievements and mistakes; secondly, if you start praising a child, even a small one, after an obvious failure, it will upset him very much. When a child experiences failure, he must be supported in this state, pointed out to his real achievements and helped to find ways to avoid this mistake in the future.

Bring humor to relationships

Seriousness haunts us literally in everything - we need to take our studies, work, organization of our life very seriously ... How, sometimes, in this life we ​​lack a touch of humor! That is why it is very important to keep this humor in family relationships. It is necessary to teach the child to laugh: at small troubles, at his own mistakes. The world will teach a child to go through life with a serious expression on his face, but only parents can teach him to laugh.

Teach your child to forgive

The ability to forgive is a great art that must be taught from childhood. The nature of relationships with others, and the level of our psychological well-being, and even our physical health depend on whether we are able to forgive.

Resentment can corrode a person from the inside, and anger pushes for the implementation of actions, the commission of which later can only be regretted. The harsh experience of life teaches us this, and this experience should be passed on to the next generation - to teach your child to forgive insults and move on.

Ask for help

Quite often, fussy parents try to have time to do everything in the world: to prove themselves at their best at work, and cook dinner, and wash socks ... Of course, all this is done for the benefit of the family, but as a result, there is no time left for elementary communication with this very family.

Doing everything alone is impossible. Or at least it will cost you a Herculean effort. That is why the even distribution of responsibilities is the key to success: what will be difficult to do alone will be easily done by the whole family. And it is imperative to involve the child in the process of distributing responsibilities: firstly, it teaches responsibility, and secondly, this way the child can feel like a full-fledged member of the family, with his own rights and responsibilities. You need to start by entrusting the child with small and simple responsibilities and gradually move on to more complex tasks - so the process of adaptation to adulthood will be easy and successful.

Admit your mistakes

Yes, not only a child should be able to “repent”. Sometimes adult responsible parents have to apologize to the child - when they are really wrong. It is necessary to be able to admit your mistakes - so you will teach this to your child by your own example. In addition, this simple action will help create an atmosphere of complete trust in the home, where all family members can admit their mistakes without shame. And then the child will not be afraid to admit his own mistakes, he will know: everyone makes mistakes, it is not a shame to admit them, and at home they will always understand and accept him, even with all the shortcomings and imperfections.

Value your child's opinion

If the child has already begun to be trusted with the performance of some kind of work, then his opinion regarding family issues should be taken into account. Where there are duties, there must be rights - they always come as a set, two in one. Therefore, it is very important to take into account the “voice” of the child during “family voting”: where to go on vacation, how to spend a day off, etc.

It must be remembered that a child is a small but full-fledged member of the family, deserving love and understanding from the closest people in his life - his parents.

Children's respect for parents and elders is the most important of the seven virtues. It is respect for elders that gives rise to all good deeds and deeds. If a child does not respect and love his parents, then he is like a young tree that has no roots, or a stream that no longer has a source.

It is very difficult to describe the effort our parents put in over so many years to raise us the way we are. Deep love and care is deeper than any ocean, love and care so strong that it can move mountains. They looked after us so carefully that no difficulties and dangers can eradicate such love. What do parents expect in return? They just need the child's honesty with them, his respect, so the child shows them his gratitude. If we treat and love our parents in this way, then we set a good example for our children. Our children will treat us in the same way, and this is the key to harmony in our family. When a child is small, he does not do any work. His parents take care of his food, clothing and the like. Parents help the child out of love. The child does not work - he can only do a small task around the house. But how can this work be compared with the labor or expenses that parents do for it? If, having become an adult, the child does not understand what his parents gave him, then this is a very great ingratitude.
We, children, in turn, must always remember and understand the following three judgments:

1. Who gave me this body?
2. Who educates and raises me?
3. Who educates me?

The biggest disappointment and disappointment for parents is the disobedience and disobedience of their children. The fact is that the respect and love of children for their elders does not mean material support from their parents. This concept is much broader and deeper. Respect and love of children for elders is the most important and basic virtue of people. Our ancestors said: "There is no point in worshiping God if we do not respect and love our parents." Heaven says: “Those children who at one time did not respect their parents and elders will be punished and this punishment will consist in the same attitude of their children towards them. As we treat our parents, our children will have the same attitude towards us.” In the family, the younger ones should have respect for both parents and elders (brothers and sisters). The younger ones should feel respect, submission and gratitude to the elders. The elders, in turn, should have love for the younger ones, help and protect them. When the younger respects the elder, and the elder loves the younger, a wonderful family atmosphere is created.

Unfortunately, today many people behave simply immorally. This behavior is expressed in the fact that they simply have a rude attitude towards their parents, they are insensitive. It is not surprising if you yourself have seen such people who have become completely indifferent to their parents. In the newspapers, too, you can read quite a few stories about a child who has completely forgotten about his parents.

Man is the most intelligent creature on our planet, he must respect and love his elders and his parents. And seeing such an attitude of children towards their parents, you involuntarily wonder if we are really the most intelligent creatures? For example, even a lamb kneels before feeding on its mother's milk. The crow, being the smartest bird on the planet, feeds its parents when they are old. It is better to look after your parents to the best of your ability than to honor them after they have passed away.
For example, one who is a samurai should conduct himself strictly in accordance with the duty of filial piety. However able, intelligent, eloquent and kind he may be born, it is all useless if he is irreverent. For Bushido, the Way of the Warrior, requires that a person's behavior be correct in everything. If there is no insight in everything, there will be no proper knowledge. And one who does not know what is due can hardly be called a samurai. The samurai understands that his parents gave him life and that he is part of their flesh and blood. And it is precisely from exaggerated conceit that sometimes neglect of parents arises. This is the defect of distinguishing the order of cause and effect.

There are different ways of fulfilling filial duties to parents. The first is when the parent is honest, but brings up the children with sincere kindness and leaves them all property, including above average income, weapons and horse equipment, and more precious utensils, and also arranges good marriages for them. When such a parent retires, there is nothing special or commendable in the fact that the children should look after him and treat him with all care. Even in relation to a stranger, if he is a close friend and tries to help us, we feel a deep disposition and do everything possible for him, even if this is not in our interests. How deep must the bonds of love be when it comes to our parents? Therefore, no matter how much we do for them as their children, we cannot help but feel that no matter how well we do our filial duty, it is never enough. This is ordinary filial piety, there is nothing outstanding in it.

But if the parent is angry, old and wayward, if he always grumbles and repeats that everything in the house belongs to him, if he does not give the children anything and, regardless of the meager means of the family, tirelessly demands drink, food and clothing, and if he, meeting people, always says: "My ungrateful son is so disrespectful, that's why I drag out such a life. You can't imagine how hard my old age is," thereby vilifying his children in front of strangers, then even such a grumpy parent should be treated with respect and , showing no sign of irritation, to indulge his bad temper and comfort him in his old infirmity. To give one's whole strength to such a parent is true filial piety. A samurai filled with such a feeling, entering the service of his master, deeply understands the Way of fidelity and will manifest it not only when his master prospers, but also when he is in trouble. He will not leave him, even when he has ten out of a hundred horsemen, and one out of ten, but he will defend him to the end, considering his life as nothing compared to military loyalty. And although the words "parent" and "master", "filial piety" and "fidelity" are different, their meaning is the same.

The ancients said: "Look for a devoted vassal among the respectful." It is inconceivable that a man could be disrespectful to his parents and at the same time be devoted to his master. For one who is unable to fulfill his filial duty to the parents who gave him life, will hardly faithfully serve a master with whom he is not related by blood, out of mere respect. When such an irreverent son enters the service of his master, he will condemn any shortcomings of his master, and if he is displeased with something, he will forget about his loyalty and disappear in a moment of danger, or betray his master by surrendering to the enemy. There have been instances of such disgraceful behavior at all times, and it is to be contemptuously shunned.

Confucius said: “Money has its own value, and our parents are priceless, because money can be earned, but you cannot return our parents. We love our wives, but we love our parents more. There are many women, but only parents. We have to work a lot, work requires a lot of attention, and we must devote even more time to our parents. We must protect our lives, but first we must protect our parents. If it weren’t for their care, upbringing, we wouldn’t exist on this planet at all.”

The ancient sages said: “Nothing and no one can replace our parents: neither gold nor silver coins. If we do not respect our parents during our lifetime, then it is useless to show them respect and reverence after they have passed away.”

Ancient philosophers said: “If we want to measure the amount of kindness and care that our parents gave us, then this cannot be done. It's as difficult as guessing how high the sky is or how thick the Earth is. We can count how many hairs are on our heads, but we cannot count how much kindness and care our parents have invested in us.”

Let's think and ask ourselves, who gave us the body? Thanks to whom we were born? Who feeds us when we are hungry? Who sheltered us and gave us warmth when we were cold? Who comforted us when we cried? Who cleaned and tidied up our bed when we wet the bed as children? Who took care of us when we had measles or rubella? Who taught us foreign languages? Think, who, besides parents, could give us all this, who could take care of us like that? Of course, only parents. No one but them could have done all this. Our parents put their soul into us, they stayed up at night when we were babies, just to soothe a crying baby. They thought first of all about our well-being, health, and then only about their own. For nine months they carried us in their stomachs, for three years they nursed us. Just think of the hardships our parents went through before making us adults.

Parents become worried about us when we get too close to deep water, a fire, or a hot or sharp object. Before they start eating, they will ask if we are hungry. Parents will not be able to sleep peacefully if they are not sure that we are safe. If we suddenly fall ill, they never reproach us for the fact that it was very difficult for them because of this. On the contrary, they will begin to blame themselves for not making the necessary efforts and not watching over us. They will definitely find us a good doctor and collect all the necessary medicinal herbs, they will pray to God for our health, they will go to a fortuneteller to find out if everything will be all right with us. They want them to suffer instead of us. If we are somewhere far from home, they will be very worried about us and will be waiting for our return. If we return late, they will look at us with a worried look, asking if anything has happened. All this is the kindness and care of our parents, they carried us in themselves, nursed us, fed us, educated us and treated us in case of illness. None of us should forget how much effort, care and love our parents put into us.

Confucius said: “We must value and protect our lives, because every part of our body is given to us by our parents. This is the basis of respect and love for our parents. If we strive to improve ourselves, then in this way we will be able to maintain the reputation of our parents on top.

The Tao of Heaven teaches that if we respect our parents, they will go to heaven, therefore, as followers of the Tao, we must help our parents go to Heaven.

Russian legislation provides for the provision by parents of their children. If the spouses are divorced, then one of them is obliged to pay alimony to his child. Some people do it voluntarily, while others do it through the courts. But the law also provides for the reverse situation. Let us consider in more detail what are the duties of children in relation to their parents.

What does the law say?

Family law clearly defines the positions of both parents in relation to their children, and children in relation to their parents. Everyone is used to the fact that parents must provide for their children until they come of age and beyond until they get on their feet. But few people are familiar with the norms that children should also be responsible for their parents. What are the responsibilities of adult children towards their parents? According to Article 87 and Article 88 of the RF IC, this is the material support of relatives and their maintenance. Namely:

• obligation to support disabled parents and care for them;
• judicial recovery of alimony from children in the absence of an agreement on their payment;
• determination of the amount of alimony according to the financial and marital status of the parties;
• the amount of alimony depends on the number of children who have reached the age of majority and have a job;
• incurring additional expenses in the absence of care for disabled parents.

In addition, children may be released from the financial support of their parents if it is proved that the latter did not participate in the upbringing of the children. In addition, a child may not pay child support for parents if they are deprived of parental rights.

Cash payments

As already mentioned, able-bodied children are required to provide for their parents in the following cases:

1. Parents are disabled (pensioners, disabled people of the 1st or 2nd groups).
2. Parents are in distress.

Regardless of whether children pay money or not, the right to receive them must be documented. Responsibilities for the maintenance of parents fall on the shoulders of children if:

1. Blood relationship confirmed.
2. Disability confirmed.
3. Financial need confirmed.

collection

Parental support can be paid:

1. Voluntarily. An agreement is expected to be concluded, which specifies the procedure and form of payments, the amount of alimony. If the terms of the agreement are violated, then it receives the force of an executive document.
2. Forced. If provided, parents have the right to sue their children.

Submission of documents

In cases where the obligations of children in relation to their parents are not fulfilled, the latter are forced to apply to the courts to assert their rights. A certain algorithm for submitting documents from parents for material support has been legally established. You can only claim child support if:

• children have reached the age of majority;
• children are able-bodied.

A claim for alimony is filed at the place where the children live.

The statement of claim must be drawn up in accordance with all norms of the law. Submitted by one of the parents. The claim can be sent by mail or through the clerical department of the court.

The application must include the following information:

• the name of the court;
• details of the plaintiff and defendant;
• the main requirement for the recovery of material security;
• documentary evidence of the requirements;
• application: a copy of the application, a copy of the passport, a copy of birth certificates, supporting documents.

The statement of claim is drawn up in triplicate and is not subject to state duty. Within five days, the judge issues a verdict on accepting or rejecting the claim. The application must contain information about all adult children.

Care of elderly parents is the responsibility of children, including material support. The amount of child support will depend on factors such as:

• the existence of a voluntary agreement between the parties, where the amount of payments is determined by mutual agreement;
• compulsory collection, where the amount is determined by the justice of the peace (the amount is expressed in hard currency, the amount depends on the financial and marital status of the parties, the money is paid monthly, the amount depends on the number of children).

The obligations of children in relation to their parents in the form of financial payments are undeniable, but, in turn, children can demand a reduction in the amount of alimony if they have worsened.

Exemption from content

According to Article 87 of the RF IC, there are several cases where the obligations of children towards their parents in the form of financial security may not be imposed:

1. If it is proved that the parents at one time shied away from fulfilling their duties: non-payment of alimony, failure to fulfill obligations for upbringing and education, as well as for protecting the rights of their children.
2. If the parents were deprived of parental rights (if the rights were restored, then the obligation of children to provide for their parents is also restored).

Arbitrage practice

In most cases, if legal regulations are followed, children are awarded the financial support of their parents. But usually the requested amount is much less. In such situations, the court takes into account not only the general situation of the parents, but also the financial and family situation of the children. If, according to all indicators, the children cannot pay the amount of money requested by the parent, the court appoints the maximum possible material support. In this case, both official and unofficial incomes of children are taken into account.

If parents want to have respectful and caring children, then from a very young age, practically from the cradle, these qualities must be cultivated in children.

First of all, it is the correct parental behavior that forms respect and obedience in children and makes it easy to assimilate the basic requirements and responsibilities in the family.

The main requirements for children at all times were respect, obedience, care for elderly parents. But these are general provisions. In the process of life, each family develops its own small rules of behavior and obedience.

Respect. Instill respect in your child from an early age. It is not simple. You must be worthy of it. To do this, you need to behave accordingly - do not raise your voice, do not swear, do not use foul language, always strictly follow your words, do not follow the baby's lead, be consistent, strict, but calm and affectionate. Then the child will know that your word is the law. Treat your child with respect. This will give him respect for you.

Obedience. The child must understand why you forgive him to do this or that action. Then he will obey consciously. Do not be lazy to explain in detail to him everything that you ask him about: why you need to wash your hands, put away toys, wash dishes, do not pour sand on other children in the sandbox. Why it is necessary to share with others and not offend animals. Gradually, such conversations will establish a trusting relationship between you and form the correct attitude towards the world in the child. He will be able to easily make the right decisions himself, as he will learn to reason.

Reverence. Explain to the child from infancy who the parents are for him, what role they play in his life. He must understand exactly who is in charge in the family. There is no need to make a “golden idol” out of a child and worship him. From the earliest years, the child must definitely understand that parents are more important and more important in the house than he is, and they must be reckoned with in all matters. Set for him some rules of behavior in the house: do not enter the parents' bedroom without permission, take things only with the permission of the parents, talk about your affairs, never lie.

The child should have his own circle of responsibilities in the family. This will develop in him a sense of responsibility. His main task is to study well. Explain to him why this should be done. In addition to this, he should have other duties - cleaning his room, washing dishes, going to the store. Just don't turn him into a house slave.

Teach your child to take care of you from childhood. Tell him how you took care of him when he was very young. Explain to him that the parents are gradually becoming old and infirm, and they will need to be taken care of. You can sometimes play a game with him - we will change places. Let him be a parent, and you will become him for one hour. This role-play will help your child better understand you and your efforts.

If parents correctly approach the upbringing of their children, then the children will always respond to them with gratitude, respect and care.

The main duty of children is love and honor. Thanks to parents for the great work of education. Reassurance for aged parents.

“If we think,” says St. Ambrose of Milan, “what our parents did for us, we will be amazed at the immeasurability of our duty (to them).” From parents is temporary life, from them the beginning of the path to eternal life through Christian education.

The main duties of children towards their parents are love and honor, obedience and gratitude.

Honor your father and mother so that a blessing from them comes to you (). Children sin against honoring their parents when they despise them, speak harshly to them, answer haughtily, scoff at their opinions and advice, and make them ridiculous or put them at nothing; when in their presence they allow themselves to act and speak obscenely, when they are angry with them, threaten them, act boldly when they reveal their shortcomings to others. Raising a hand against a father or mother is the most vile and gravest thing. According to the ancient Mosaic law, society punished such children ().

Gratitude to parents consists in "helping them in every need, in old age or in illness to feed, clothe, rest them, to cover or excuse their infirmities" .

Obedience to Christian parents must be complete - in the conviction that in the person of the parents He Himself demands this. The will of the parents should be the rule of life for children in the home of their parents.

In ancient times, we hear the voice of the All-Wise, addressing children: honor your father with all your heart and do not forget your mother's maternity illnesses. Remember that you were born of them: and what can you give them as they give you? (). He who fears the Lord will honor his father and, as masters, will serve those who gave birth to him ().

Child! “Remember how much your parents endured with you before they brought you up; how carefully your mother carried you under her heart, with what painful illnesses she gave birth to you, how she cleansed you, nursed you, dressed you, how she spent some nights without sleep for you, and how tirelessly your father worked to get you food! Rejoice if you have a chance to reward your parents for the work they endured for you.

Bearing in mind these sorrows and labors of parents, the Apostle bequeaths to children: pay tribute to parents, honor them and obey them in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord and this is required by justice (; ;).

Children, not only by nature (by blood relationship), but also by the inner voice of conscience, by the fear of God, for the sake of pleasing the Lord, should nurture feelings of love and reverence for their parents with humility and obedience. Obedience to parents based on natural feeling is not as strong as that based on a desire to please the Lord. Whoever, out of pleasing the Lord, obeys his parents and honors them, even the unjust actions of his parents towards him do not deviate from this obedience, for, obeying them, he tries not to please them, but to the Lord, who commanded: honor your father and your mother, that good will be and may you be long on earth ().

The second main motivation for honoring parents, according to the Apostle, should be gratitude for the great labor of education. This, he says, requires justice (), for "we do not receive great blessings from anyone except God, as from our parents."

“We must always,” says Filaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, “nourish in our souls a sense of respect and reverence for our parents. Parents are blessed instruments of the Creator; through them we received life and being from God. Therefore, to honor your parents means to honor the Creator Himself. That's how great our parents are for us, and how great should be our respect for them! Therefore, we must always treat them, and in any case, not only with courtesy, but also with reverence, as with persons sacred to us. In deed and word honor thy father and mother; may you find a blessing from them (), - teaches the wise son of Sirah. Therefore, their will must be sacred to us; we must render them always and in everything filial obedience, and fulfill every command of them, of course, not contrary to faith and law, with all diligence and fidelity. Children, listen to your parents in everything: this is what is pleasing to the Lord (), exhorts the holy Apostle Paul.

Children must obey their parents in the Lord (), i.e. obey in everything that is not contrary to the law of God and the institutions of the Church, while remembering the words of the Lord Jesus: whoever loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me ().

When parents do not in the least prohibit charitable deeds and do not interfere with them, then parents must and should be obeyed: disobedience in such a case is very dangerous. When they demand something untimely and forbid some spiritual deed, it is not safe to obey them. Thus, the Apostle Paul commands to obey them only in what is not contrary to piety, true goodness and the salvation of the soul, so that by fulfilling the will of the parents (if it is contrary to the will of God) not to offend God. It is a holy thing to give them any other respect.

According to the commandment of God: honor thy father and thy mother (), the obligation to honor parents is sacred in itself. But the Lord deigned to add a promise to her: may it be good and may you be long-lived on earth (). In the eyes of God, the obligation to honor parents is so important that the Lord encourages children to fulfill it with the promise of a prosperous and long life. And this is true: the well-being of the whole house and family depends on the veneration of parents, and the well-being of the whole state depends on the well-being of houses and families, for the state is nothing but a large family of the people.

Honoring parents is love combined with respect; love is respect and reverence. The word honor (honor) contains the word love, because without love there is no true reverence.

“He who honors his father,” says the Prologue (June 28), “will cleanse his sins, and he who honors his mother will be enriched. He who honors his father and about his children will rejoice, and on the day of his prayer he will be heard.

Mercy to the father is not forgotten; despite your sins, your prosperity will increase. On the day of your sorrow, you will be remembered: like ice from warmth, your sins will be resolved ... The one who honors the father will be cleansed of sins, and the one who respects his mother - as he who acquires treasures ... The one who respects the father will live long, and obedient to the Lord will calm his mother ().

The Lord promises to every respectful son and daughter well-being and long life (). And he bestows it on children through their parents. Since ancient times, there has been a Christian custom of blessing children by parents.

In deed and word, honor your father and mother so that a blessing from them comes to you, for the blessing of the father establishes the houses of the children, and the oath of the mother destroys to the ground (). “It means that parental blessing is a source of well-being for children and a great gift from God.”

“The blessing of parents,” writes Bishop Theophan the Recluse, “is like the word of God. As it multiplies, so does this. On the contrary, backbiting and swearing shortens and, as it were, dries up. Whoever does not wear it, there is no happiness in anything, everything is out of hand. One's own mind also disappears, and others are alienated. All this is confirmed by life. That is why “children should cherish their parental blessing most of all, therefore, try in every possible way to receive it, and in order to take care of the fact that the parental heart is open to them, and not closed.”

“Remember... Noah's blessing to Japheth: may God spread Japheth! () - and see how this blessing is now, after several thousand years, how strong it is in the descendants of Japheth, the Europeans, who do not stop spreading their settlements, trade, power, religion, customs to all countries of the world. Or remember the story of Isaac blessing his son Jacob, and Jacob himself blessing his children on his deathbed. How many promises are here, extending to all the offspring of the children of Israel!

This sacred custom of blessing children is still preserved today. And now, children who are respectful of their parents receive promises of happiness in their parental blessing, and now the blessing of the father establishes the homes of children ().

The high and saving duty of children is the repose of aged parents. Here, mutual grateful love is warmed up to a great extent, and all the power of parental blessing and all the bliss of God's good will are attracted by this.

Obey your father: he begat you; and do not neglect your mother when she is old (). And if they did something reckless, do not reproach or reproach them. the father is strong, and forgiveness of sins will ask you.

“Give every respect, Christian, to those who gave birth to you,” instructs St. Tikhon of Zadonsk, “may it be good for you. Whom should you honor, if not your parents? Your parents are your great benefactors: show them your worthy gratitude throughout your life. Remember their illnesses and their labors raised in your upbringing, and be grateful to them for that. Know for sure that you cannot repay anything for their beneficence, rendered to you. They lent you a lot, and you owe them a lot... Show them every obedience... Do not start any work again without their advice and permission... but your work will not be without success... Beware of acting disorderly before them, be ashamed to speak words and do deeds obscenely and beware ... be extremely careful not to offend them with a rude word and deed, but with all courtesy speak to them and answer, having love and respect for them in your heart ... If you are punished for something, and you truly know that you are guilty of that, admit your guilt with humility and endure punishment with meekness: they punish you so that you are good and good. But if you know your innocence and your conscience justifies you, then declare your innocence with all courtesy and humility. Let your meekness be reasonable everywhere, let them know that you are their good and obedient child.

In any need and lack, do not leave them, but help them and serve them, and even more so in old age ... What weaknesses you see in them, which happen to good people, cover with silence; but if you see anything seductive, be extremely careful not to condemn it and announce it to another. Do not imitate in this matter Ham, the son of Noah, who, seeing the nakedness of his father, went to tell his brothers; but follow Shem and Japheth, his brothers, who ... covered the nakedness of their father and did not see it (). Be also you... aki do not see, when that you will see in the parents.

If you are guilty and somehow offend them... do not delay, but immediately... ask for forgiveness with humility, so that you will not fall under the judgment of God. For if we should ask for forgiveness from every person offended by us and be reconciled with him, according to the word of Christ, then all the more so should we treat our parents, whom we should love and honor more than others.

Concluding his exhortation to children about their obligations to their parents, St. Tikhon writes: “Know and remember that what you will be to your parents, so will your children be to you, according to the word of Christ: with what measure you measure, it will be measured to you ( )" .

“The will of Christian parents is the will of God, their face is the face of God. Whoever does not honor them, does not submit to them, has separated from them in heart, has perverted his nature, fallen away from God. Therefore, in every possible way keep the faces of your parents honest in your heart, neither with a blasphemous thought, nor with a word do not cast a shadow on their face and do not confuse your heart. Let there be reasons for this: do not heed them. It is better to endure everything than to separate your heart from your parents, for God gave them His strength. Honoring your parents in your heart, you will in every way beware of offending them with words and deeds. Whoever accidentally offended them has gone far; whoever did this consciously and in unkind movements of the heart, he went even further. Insulting parents is very dangerous. Tradition to Satan is close to him, according to some secret connection. He who has eclipsed the honoring of his parents in his heart has only separated himself from them, and he who has insulted him can separate his parents from himself. But as soon as this happens, the separated one comes under the visible dominion of another father, the father of lies and all evil. If this does not happen to every offender, then here is God's condescension and protection. In any case, an insult is not only dishonorable and unreasonable, but also dangerous. That is why one should always hasten to restore peace and love, violated through insult by anything. Beware of personal insults, one must also refrain from insulting the parent's face in front of others - with slanderous words or slander and blasphemy ... He who honors parents will take care of them in every possible way and please them with his behavior, and sanctify them before others (i.e. speak and respond well about them) and in every possible way protect them from falsehood and condemnation.

The one who ruins his father and drives out his mother is a shameful and dishonorable son (), says the Wise. Ignorance of parents, according to the teaching of the Word of God, is a sign of complete moral licentiousness and the greatest moral crime.

In the first chapter of the Epistle to the Romans, the holy Apostle Paul paints a picture of pagan depravity: people have become bold, arrogant, vain, inventive, disobedient to their parents (). The apostle writes about the people of the last times: know that in the last days hard times will come. For people will be self-loving, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, impious, unfriendly, implacable, slanderers, intemperate, cruel, not loving good ().

In Old Testament times, disrespecting parents was considered a serious crime. Even the pagans in their laws determined great punishments for those children who did not honor, seriously offended their parents. “Such children, or, more precisely, degenerates of the human race, are vile to both God and people. It is great ingratitude and grave lawlessness to be a villain to your benefactors and repay them evil for good. After God, there are no great benefactors to us, like our parents, therefore it is terrible to be ungrateful to them. Beware, Christian children, so that for ingratitude and disrespect to your parents you do not recognize the punishing hand of God on yourself.

Cursed be he who curses his father or his mother, says the ancient Law of Moses (). Cursed from the Lord is the one who irritates his mother (). In the Old Testament, such unfortunate children were subjected to terrible executions: whoever hits his father, or his mother, must be put to death ... Whoever slanders his father, or his mother, must be put to death (). The law given by God through Moses to the people of Israel describes both the very trial of such criminal children and the execution of execution: if anyone has a violent and rebellious son, disobeying the voice of his father and the voice of his mother, and they punished him, but he does not listen them, then let his father and his mother take him and bring him to the elders of their city and to the gates of their place of residence and say to the elders of their city: “This son of ours is rebellious and disobedient, does not listen to our words, a wast and a drunkard”; then all the inhabitants of his city shall stone him to death; and so destroy the evil from among you, and all the Israelites will hear and be afraid ().

The law of Moses “does not simply command to kill a son who has offended his parents, not so that the executioners, having taken him from the court, lead him through the square and cut off his head outside the city; no, the father himself leads him to the middle of the city (he acts as an accuser) and is recognized as trustworthy without any proof: and this is quite fair. Whoever is ready to spend for his son both money, and life (and health), and everything that is, he can never become an accuser of him, unless there is too much insult. So, the father leads him to the middle of the city, then he calls all the people together and pronounces an accusation, and all those who hear, each taking a stone, throw their parents at the offender. The legislator wants them to be not only spectators, but also actors, so that each, looking at his right hand, with which he also threw a stone on the head of an irreverent son, would receive through this a sufficient impulse to correct. However, the legislator inspires us here not only this, but also something else, namely, that he who offends parents offends not only them, but all people. Therefore, he invites everyone to participate in punishment; since everyone is offended, he convenes all the people and the whole city, suggesting that even those who have nothing in common with the offended should be indignant at the offending parents, since the insult is inflicted on the general human nature, and that such a person, as some kind of ulcer and general disease, expelled not only from the city, but from the very world. In fact, such a person is a common enemy and enemy of everyone - and God, and nature, and laws, and our whole life in general. Therefore, he orders everyone to participate in the defeat, performing, as it were, the cleansing of the city.

Psychologists say that any relationship between people is an open or unspoken agreement: you to me, I to you. So, do children really have to "repay their debt" only if the parents were sufficiently responsible in the performance of their duties, and only then in old age everything will return to them. And if they were not distinguished by strong parental care, then children do not have to worry about them either. After all, there are so many abandoned old people in our country who pulled children to the last of their strength, denying themselves in many ways, but in the end turned out to be lonely and unnecessary to them.

According to psychologists, debt is a relative concept. We all owe something to someone only if there is a written or oral agreement about it. If it is not there, then there is no duty, which means that a person decides whether to do something for someone only of his own free will. But often a person’s behavior finds condemnation and criticism of others, and then conflicts and mutual insults arise.

In life, there are three types of relationships between adult children and parents. One elderly couple, no matter how much adult children help and try to pay attention to them, it is still not enough and they want even more. They constantly express grievances to children and express their dissatisfaction. For example, that they arrived today, and their parents were waiting for them yesterday. The children took them to the dacha, and they wanted to go to the sea. And there are more and more such claims and grievances every year. In this case, children begin to think that maybe nothing needs to be done at all so as not to once again cause dissatisfaction with their parents.

Some parents, on the contrary, do not need anything: neither the care of the children, nor the help of the housekeeper, they refuse everything, and every time the children offer help, they bashfully hide their eyes. They cannot imagine their life without caring for children, and even from their tiny pension they try to continue helping their already quite independent children. Many children, receiving constant rejection from their parents and help from them, eventually stop thinking that they can be of some help to their parents.

The third kind of relationship is very sad. This is when adult children simply forget about their parents, considering them to be guilty of all their misfortunes and failures in life. And parents not always abandoned by their children treated their children badly, in many cases they helped them, denying themselves, but they made many mistakes in their upbringing. Parents should not consider their children property, and constantly tells them that they raised them, now they are indebted to them all their lives. Children don't really owe their parents anything because they didn't ask for them to be born. To help or not to parents, children must decide for themselves. You can not take the care of children about their parents as some kind of debt, children are not obliged to do something, because they must. Caring for parents is a matter of honor for every person, therefore, children should help only when they really want it.

Relationships between children and parents leave a deep imprint on a person's life. Many children, even after the death of their parents, feel guilty before them and suffer deeply from this. After all, parents are the first people with whom a person communicates and at the first stage of life they make up the whole world for him. Each person unconsciously considers all his further relations with the world through the prism of relations with his parents. He chooses a spouse based on the experience of his parents, and often builds his life, just like his parents. Therefore, it is very important, no matter what the parents are, to learn to forgive them for their imperfection and respect them. Although they were not very good parents, they tried to become them. Learn to accept the situation as it is. If you cannot change your parents, then change your attitude towards them. And for that, be good kids. Learn to listen, hear and understand the advice of your parents, no matter how absurd they may seem to you. Take full responsibility and care for the family, refuse excessive parental care and help. Every adult must serve and provide for his family.

Parents should not control and educate their adult children. They must respect the choice of children. Freed from parental care, children should help their parents not feel alone. And for many parents, it is enough if the children are constantly interested in their affairs and desires, share their joys and sorrows with them. It is necessary to communicate with parents, to take care of them not because of gratitude for what they have done for us, but also because this contact cannot be interrupted. Only in this way can a person's life have meaning, and only by such an example can he teach his children the right attitude towards himself. Psychologists say that those people to whom parents were a burden and a burden, over the years, they themselves become a headache for their children. And those who treat their parents with respect and love have a completely different story. Even in old age, they live a full life in the circle of their beloved children and grandchildren.