Why do mothers love some children more than others? Arguments against being a good mom

Is there an ideal of a good mother, and what is it? Interest Ask. But the most interesting thing is that most mothers do not correspond to this very ideal, since, first of all, they are living people. As a result, we sometimes lament that we are bad mothers. But what should be a good mother? And what does it mean to be a good mother, what needs to be done for this? Read about it below.

Each of us has our shortcomings - this must be recognized. But is it really that bad? Why do most people consider the supermother to be a deity with superpowers and the same abilities. All mothers are made of flesh and blood. It’s just not clear why some can raise smart, caring and independent children, while others can raise spineless, downtrodden and cruel. Although a big role is still assigned to the natural inclinations of the child himself. After all, 80% of the character we get from birth, and 20% is corrected by parents in the process of education. Only to make adjustments is sometimes very difficult and not all parents succeed, although not many are eager for this, releasing everything on the brakes. Often, nature can simply take its toll, and no efforts and special approaches can help change what is inherent in the child from birth. There are many such cases. A mother can fight the shortcomings of a child, put her whole soul into him, forgetting about herself, but he still grows up and becomes a criminal or an alcoholic who drinks everything he has and ends up under a fence. Is it worth it in this case to strive to become an ideal mother? We present to your attention a few tips that will help you correctly assess yourself and your strengths, understand your own child and enjoy motherhood.

1. We are all living people with the right to make mistakes.

Imagine the situation: you yelled at your child for no reason, realized this and are very worried that your child will not forgive you. You reproach yourself and are ready to do it endlessly, thinking that you are a bad mother. But you have to understand one simple thing – you are just a simple person. You have your own problems, internal outbursts of emotions and breakdowns. Believe me, your own child understands and accepts this. He needs a flesh-and-blood mom, not a perfect robot. Of course, it is bad and undesirable to take it out on a child. But are you sorry for what you did? Then let the child understand this, let him know that you admitted your mistake. Sorry. Do not repent, do not beg for forgiveness, but simply sincerely explain that it is hard for you and you will try not to do this again. Even the smallest child will appreciate a heart-to-heart conversation. What happened can't be changed. Everyone makes mistakes and has the right to make them, because it is from mistakes that we learn. The main thing is to draw conclusions and not repeat your mistakes, as well as, if possible, correct those already made.

2. Do you want to run away to the ends of the world? This is fine

Is your baby acting restless, disobedient and constantly sick? Are you exhausted trying to change the situation for the better? Does this only make things worse? You think that the child cries to spite you, does not obey you in defiance, and also falls ill in order to torment you. You are constantly visited by thoughts that you will never become a good mother, and you no longer understand what this really means. You dream of escaping to the ends of the earth, just until such an opportunity is given to you. All your feelings and experiences are normal. You are an ordinary person who can feel, be offended and blame yourself and others for what is happening.
Do not believe those who say that a child should not be offended. If you do not do this, then he will not learn to ask for forgiveness and understand that he can hurt people, then a little monster will grow out of him. You can also get tired of children, because it’s really hard with them. Accept yourself as you are and then you will feel better, tension and irritation will subside, and pain will also go away. Even the most ideal mothers sometimes feel helpless, tired and broken. The main thing is not to delay this state so that you do not consider the child a burden and an obstacle on the way to a calm and happy life. This should not happen to any mother.

3. You are not a magician

Let's imagine that you work from morning till night, therefore, purely physically, you cannot afford to devote a lot of time to your child, as much as housewives do. Deal with it. You cannot set aside half a day for walking with a child on the street and another half day for reading books. A working mother must first of all work and there is nothing to be done about it, which is why it is much harder for her. You should also treat the constant carrying of a child in her arms if he cries. You are not omnipotent, and a child is not a feather. Sometimes you just physically can't do what you want. We repeat: you need to humble yourself and direct your efforts to what you can do.

4. Don't get angry

There are times when mom feels like a hot frying pan. The child does not obey, says and does nasty things, refuses to help around the house and all the time requires your attention? This will throw anyone off balance. It is clear that in this situation you will not smile and pretend that everything is in order. You can get angry, the main thing is not to let your anger out of control. It's one thing to be angry with a child, it's another thing to be openly aggressive towards him. Whatever feelings overwhelm you, do not keep anger in yourself, explain to the child that he hurts you, makes you unpleasant and thereby infuriates you. Explain to your offspring what exactly he is doing wrong and how he should do it so that you do not get angry. Do not pretend to be kind, hiding your aggression, otherwise the negativity inside you will accumulate and burst out in a huge flame that will burn both you and your baby, which can be a shock for him. How do you think the baby will react to the always kind mother who spews fire like a dragon and hisses and bites like a snake? Do not allow this, under any circumstances!!!

5. The desire to take time for yourself is natural!

Motherhood is not a sentence. You should not turn into a slave, subject to the whims of others and not having your own freedom. Do not renounce yourself for the sake of the child, do not dissolve in the family hearth completely and without a trace, because in the end this will not lead to anything good. Children will grow up and begin an independent life, and you will understand that you do not have yours. Therefore, do not stop communicating with friends, learn foreign languages, go to a sports club or dance classes. Learn, improve, in general, continue to live! If you remember yourself, then others will never forget you.

6. Don't make your child's life fun

If you take care of your child all day, forgetting about your needs, playing with him at his level, not trying to pull him up to yours, then gradually turn into a favorite toy, not a mother. Games are very useful for the development of the child, but not interrupted. It is also useful for the kid to spend time on his own. The constant presence of the mother turns the child into a helpless creature. Do not play with your child all day, if only because he, like you, gets tired of these games and needs rest or communication with grandparents, in the end - with himself. Give yourself and your baby more time to rest. More rare games will become even more interesting and exciting. Do not pamper your child with round-the-clock attention. Always being with a child does not mean being a good mother. A real mother should know the measure of caresses and attention, since in everything and always a measure is needed.

You can either write your own.

Mom is the magic word. Everyone remembers the film-tale "Mom" with Lyudmila Gurchenko in the title role. For more than forty years, we have known the song, a symbol of love and tenderness, which won millions of hearts.

“The first word, the main thing… Life gave… Me and you…”

Is being a mom an art? Rather, the destiny that she carries through all the years, heart and soul, tears, experiences and delight for her little blood.

Psychology of the relationship between the child and the mother

When a baby is born, everything around changes. The world takes on new colors. But the illusion that it is easy and simple to build a relationship with a child quickly disappears.

A baby is like a clean book, each page of which is filled with love, tenderness, care and warmth. The best mother is the one who can write a decent work.

Many people wonder why one child is aggressive, ruthless to animals, and the other is generous, tactful. It all depends on the built relationship between mother and baby. Of course, everyone has their own character and disposition, but the mother is able to eliminate negative manifestations in behavior at the initial stage of development.

How to be a good mom

This is a difficult question, but we will try to deal with it.

Raising a child, you must adhere to three basic rules:

1. Always remain calm. Do not immediately raise your voice without understanding what the child has done. Perhaps he has his own vision of the situation, there were reasons for that. It is necessary to deal with them with a cool head and only then conduct moralizing.
2. Put yourself in the place of a child and think about how you yourself would act in this case.
3. You need to show ingenuity and ingenuity. Many educational methods can be carried out through the game. The main thing is to be gambling so that the child can easily get involved in it.

A good mother is every child's dream

We are all not perfect, you need to be able to recognize the mistakes made in raising your child. It's never too late to fix. Psychologists give some advice on how to become the best mom.

And, of course, the ideal mother is loving.

What is she

Every woman wants to become the best mother for her child. She tries, gives all of herself without a trace. There are other tips to help build a trusting relationship with your baby.

They are simple:

1. Do not neglect the advice of loved ones: aunts, grandmothers, mothers in the first place, sisters or girlfriends who have already taken place as mothers. Let not everyone suit you, but there are those you need, there is nothing shameful in this.
2. Do not teach your child to be quiet. Let him adapt to fall asleep with noise, so that in the future he will have a good sleep.
3. Help your child get rid of fears. They pursue constantly and at any age. It is necessary to understand their nature and destroy them. For example, a child is frightened by an imaginary monster. Come up with a ritual or a childish spell to drive him away. The child will stop being afraid, and if a new one appears, he will come for help, because he will understand that you can handle him.
4. Family dinner. Be sure to wait for dad to get home from work and sit down to dinner together. Firstly, the child will feel your warmth, care and comfort. Secondly, this is a great opportunity to tell everyone about the events of the day, including the child. Thirdly, the baby will begin to learn the value of the family and will understand that there is a place and time when everyone gathers at the same table, and he can talk about his problems.
5. Engage in self-improvement. You need to read literature about the stages of child development, so as not to overestimate the bar, and then not get disappointed.
6. Keep your confidence. The child will also feel it and will understand that he has a reliable strong family.

The rules are simple but very important. They will help to establish a trusting relationship with the child, to lay and develop good qualities in him, such as love, tact, mutual understanding.

Life is difficult, and no matter how it develops, every woman dreams of giving birth and raising a healthy child from a loved one. Our days give us a new collective image of the modern woman.

What does she represent

Firstly, she deliberately postpones or does not decide on pregnancy at all. Secondly, women who have given birth to their first child are getting older.

What else characterizes

Let's give examples.

Actively use tools that help in raising a child. These are changing tables, baby monitors, electronic swings, walkers, various computer programs for the development and education of a child, and more. All this helps to save a lot of time.

Maintaining a balance in career and raising a child. A modern mother strives to get to work as soon as possible in order to realize herself in life, to be independent and self-sufficient. But many maternity leave, thanks to technological innovations, is spent with a double benefit. Young mothers work remotely at home, which provides a free schedule and a good additional income.

Equal distribution of responsibilities. The father also takes an active part in the upbringing of the child.

Remorse. Increasingly, a good mother is tormented by guilt because she is trying to be the best, and it seems to her that she still does not give the child the attention and care she needs. The constant growth of demands on oneself can serve as a source of depression.

Fear of losing yourself. A modern mother does not want imprisonment in four walls. After all, she has interests, hobbies. A happy woman, not a housewife killed by everyday life, can give her child more care and love.

This is all true, but you can strive for the ideal indefinitely. This is a constant work on yourself. Your child simply needs to be loved, respected, because he is a person. Hug and kiss more often, say how good and smart he is, how proud his mother is of him.

Remember, the child often commits misconduct, so there will always be another chance to improve.

A couple of mistakes won't ruin the strong bond of trust between you and your baby.

If the situation is at an impasse, there are specialists who can help.

Love and take care of your mothers.

What is a good mother like? The main fear of a pregnant first-born: “Can I become a good mother?”.

And each puts its meaning into this phrase. Let's try to figure out what are the qualities of the best mother and how to achieve them?

A good mother is not the one who allows everything or, on the contrary, prohibits everything.

She has a child-dream: not spoiled, but not "zatyukan", thinks freely, but knows what is good and what is bad.

He knows how to appreciate gifts, is not afraid to make mistakes and, on the whole, grows as a developed, harmonious personality. Say fantasy?

Psychologists say that in order to raise a happy and “correct” child, you need to start with yourself and your attitude to the role of a parent.

Here are the basic rules of a good mother.

What is a "good mom"

1 .Happy mom and happy kids.

The kid is like a sensor, he may not yet understand everything that is happening around (why they put a spoon in his mouth and pull his heels?), but he feels the emotions of others very much.

If mom and quarreled, he will immediately understand this.

If you carry him for the first time to swim, and at the same time your hands are trembling with fear, then your emotions will be transmitted to him.

Scream and hysteria will not keep you waiting. Therefore, before important actions, make sure that you yourself are calm, confident and satisfied with life.

A good mother is cheerful, well-rested, walking in the fresh air, meeting her friends.

Even if at the same time she did not have time to stroke a stack of diapers!

2 .love dad.

How is it "no time"? Well, the husband should not receive less attention from you than before.

He can iron shirts himself, but you will have to kiss, hug and generally love.

A happy full-fledged family is the best example to follow. It lays the foundations of social roles.

If your child needs an injection, swallows a bad-tasting pill, or goes to the dentist, don't lie that it doesn't hurt or that it tastes great.

How painful! Do you remember your childhood horror of dental chairs and drilling tools?

It is better to honestly explain to the baby what awaits him. What you need to endure, but then he will be healthy, and you will be proud of him.

A cheating mom can't be good!

4 .Do not do yourself what you explain to the child as "bad".

A dad who drinks strong alcohol in the morning, for no reason and with a child, with the words “you can’t, but I can” is not the right example to follow.

If you smoke, then do it on the balcony.

If the child caught you, explain that you can’t do anything about this bad habit and this is bad.

5 .Teach him not to be afraid of mistakes.

If you made a mistake, apologize. If he made a mistake - do not scold.

He still has many failed exams and forgotten poems ahead of him.

This should not produce in him inferiority complexes and fear of the belt.

6 .I want to squeeze?Squeeze.

Friends-advisers will tell you, they say, "fall in love." It is believed that a child cannot be constantly hugged, kissed, groomed and cherished.

Will get used to it! Will he get used to being loved? What a nightmare!

If he behaves well, there is nothing wrong with you buying him a toy for no reason.

7 .Talk to dad.

Stick to a clear strategy in your family. Decide what you forbid the child and what you allow.

Can he eat three candies a day or not? Should I scold if I wrote in the bathroom, or not? Should you pet your neighbor's dog or not?

It does not matter what it is about, the main thing is that the policy of the parents is the same.

Playing good and bad cop is better in movies, and there is no good and bad parent in raising a child.

At the same time, the bans should not be floating (on Wednesday it was impossible to pull the cat Vaska by the tail, but on Friday it suddenly became possible).

If something is bad, it’s bad both on Wednesday and Friday, and it’s bad when visiting your grandmother, and it’s bad with friends, and it’s also bad with the cat Petka, even if you don’t like him at all.

8 .Less "can't".

The abundance of prohibitions reduces their overall weight.

Forbid your child three things (like opening the door, playing with matches, and running out into the street) and he will take them seriously.

And now ban a hundred things (taking mom's cosmetics, playing with dad's watch, pulling Vaska's tail, tearing off the doll's head, turning on the TV, climbing the closet ...) and see how they depreciate at once.

9 .Blackmail is unacceptable.

The fact that a child refuses to eat soup does not mean at all that he will not go to the Zoo today.

It is very convenient to intimidate the baby, and many parents actively use this.

But these are the “dirty methods” that you will eventually teach him. It is always better to encourage than to threaten, but this must also be done wisely.

Beating a child, by the way, is also unacceptable, even if your parents thought otherwise.

10 .Keep promises.

If you said that for a five in mathematics buy him a constructor for a thousand rubles, then be so kind as to buy it.

And exactly the same one. To explain that “you, of course, well done, but we spent all the money on a new washing machine” will not work.

Either don't promise or deliver.

Try to follow these rules and hopefully you will be able to rightfully say: I am a good mother.