The most unusual and funny New Year's stories from the life of celebrities. New Year jokes

Preparations for the New Year and its celebration itself rarely pass without curiosities, confusion and, of course, laughter. The stories presented below happened to real people just in time for the New Year.

Christmas shopping. Shop dialogue.

We have one shop here that always has chocolate cakes. Two kinds. "Caprice" (this is Moscow), and "Fad" (this is Kharkov). With different additives and different sizes. Yesterday I go to this store and hear:

Girl, tell me: do you have any whims?

There are no whims today. But I have a big quirk. show you?

The New Year has sprung. When my son was 3-3.5 years old, we decided to surprise him with Santa Claus for the New Year. The role of Santa Claus was played by my mother. And dressed up as it should be: a hat, glasses, a beard, a sheepskin coat, etc. went out to the landing and began to call the apartment. My wife and I took him to the door and asked him to open it. On the threshold of Santa Claus. My son has fifty-fifty eyes, his jaw dropped. Mother in a voice changed beyond recognition: "Hello, Zhenechka, did you recognize me?" Zhenya with a dropped jaw: "I found out, I found out, grandmother Zina."

Half an hour ago we met the new year, spent the old one - everything is like with normal people. Without staying at home for a long time, I went to my friend's apartment, where quite a few people were supposed to gather. I go out into the street - there is a celebration in full in the form of launching all kinds of rockets and explosions of firecrackers. A man sits on all fours by the road and tries to light the fuse of another rocket (the previous one started literally 10 seconds ago). Some small yard dog jumps out from around the corner and starts barking furiously at him. The man reluctantly turns his head in her direction (the drunk alcohol makes itself felt;) and with a slurred tongue, at the same time full of enthusiasm for the conqueror of space, gives out:

Ooo! Arrow!!! Right now, we'll let you go!!!

The bum has risen!

This happened several years ago in one of the Orenburg morgues. The pathologist and the nurse were on duty together on New Year's Eve. All work was done in a day. And closer to 12 o'clock in the morning, as expected, they began to celebrate the New Year. Alcohol is available, snacks too. The previous shift even set up a Christmas tree. So everything was right.

About two o'clock in the morning they brought the "client". It turned out to be a man of about fifty, who looked like a bum, frozen somewhere in the gateway. They did not deal with it - they postponed it for the morning. So that, as they say, with a fresh mind... They put the corpse on a stretcher and sent it to the refrigerator. "The Kingdom of heaven!" - and continued the meeting of the New Year. Fell asleep in the morning. An hour later, they woke up from heart-rending screams. At first they thought that one of the relatives had come to pick up the deceased. But it turned out that the op was coming from ... from the refrigerator. When they opened the door, they saw a squealing night guest. I had to urgently “reanimate” him: they poured half a glass of alcohol into the homeless man. He went out. He turned pink and kept sitting and grunting. Then he left. A couple of weeks later he reappeared - he asked for a hangover.

For 30 years I carried this secret in me, such a heavy stone. I decided to share my secret now.
In the distant 80s, before serving in the army, my mother, brother and sister and I went to visit the Rostov region on New Year's Eve.
December 31, great mood, our parents went to the country to celebrate the New Year. We, the young ones, stayed at home to celebrate in the apartment, I, my own sister, she was then 16 years old, my cousin of the same age, my younger brother and friends and girlfriends of my cousin.

For a couple of hours but the New Year, after drinking beer and Pepsi Cola, we were in a very high spirits, we laughed, joked and danced. The leader of the whole company was my cousin Lenochka, she was cheerful, playful and a great inventor. After the next toast, Lenochka offered to creatively prepare for the meeting of Santa Claus, and dress up for everyone, in the most ridiculous outfits. The girl was dressed up as Santa Claus, the boy as Baba Yaga, and when it was my turn ... .. they decided to change into a snow maiden.

At first I refused, but Lenochka took my hand and dragged me into the bedroom, pulled out a lot of her clothes from the closet and began to try on me. At first it all seemed like a joke to me. Lenka smiled, her eyes were cunning and playful. I obeyed her, put on nylon tights, a bra filled with soaked cotton, a dress, high heels, a wig. A curious girlfriend helped Lenka put makeup on my face.

That's it, Lena said after thirty minutes, you're ready. I got up, went to the mirror and was stunned, in front of me stood a young, long-legged beauty, a brunette, I did not even recognize myself in this guise. Cool, I said. Having taken a few steps around the room, I felt how the capron and silk dress gently hugged my body, once again looking into the mirror at my reflection. Cool, I thought, cool, I was already beginning to like it.

To applause, I went into the common room, where all the guys were sitting. Everyone liked me in my new guise.

Having met the New Year, we drank champagne and danced. The guys began to gather outside, up the hill, to get some fresh air. The girls began to insist that I not change clothes, but went out into the street in a girl's outfit. Put on this, Lenochka said and handed me her coat and her mother's boots. Having played with the girl, I did not argue for a long time. And here we are on the street, thank God that the night was not frosty, children were running around, drunk passers-by. We reached the central hill, a couple of times the guys swept. I was embarrassed, ashamed, suddenly everyone will understand that I'm a guy. But I quickly got into my role, and the champagne played positively.

Having rolled up the hill, we returned home in a cheerful company. On the way we met a man, he turned out to be my cousin's neighbor, from the fifth floor, his name was Andrey, he looked to be about 35 years old. This Andrey asked to visit us.

We sat down at the table, Andrey began to get acquainted with the rest of the guys, when it was my turn, Lenka said “And this is my cousin Katya”, I lowered my eyes ... After champagne and a small meal, the girls jumped up from their seats and began to dance. Andrey came up to me, took my hand and dragged me to dance. I was silent, I was afraid to give myself away. But it was even interesting to dance in such a guise and with a man much older than myself.

After the next dances, we tired sat down at the table, but the trouble is, all the champagne and beer is over.

Andrei offered to go up to him and take alcoholic drinks. - Guys, who will go with me for the company and help bring bottles and fruits? He said, in response, Lenka looked at me with a playful look: “Katya, go with Andrei, help him.” ... I agreed. Andrei took my hand and led me up to the fifth floor, telling me some anecdote. From the sound of my heels on the stairs, my heart was beating strongly, from the feeling of women's underwear, shame and from Andrey's strong, healthy hand. When he opened the door of his apartment and said, "Come in Katya, my heart almost jumped out."

I went in, looked around his apartment, a sparkling Christmas tree, a set table, the TV turned on. He invited me to sit in a chair, I sat down. He looked at his knees in a capron, and out of such shame, he pulled his skirt up to his knees, Andrei smiled, poured a glass of vodka and handed it to me, Happy New Year! he said. Then he lit a cigarette - wait, I'll collect everything I need, and left the room. The traditional Blue Light was on TV.

After a while he entered the room. What I saw was a shock to me, Andrei was completely naked, he quickly approached me, sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I tried to escape, threw off his hand from my shoulder, but he forced me to sit down and kissed me on the lips. I screamed. - I'm NOT a girl, I shouted, I'm a guy, this is my New Year's costume! .. He mumbled in response that he doesn't care who I am, and that he wants me. I was very scared then, I was defenseless, in women's clothes.

At that moment I was still a boy, I did not have sex with girls, I did not know what to do in such a situation. I cried. Then he got up, came up to me so close that I became even more scared, his penis was standing, it was so big and hairy. - Touch it with your hand, do not be afraid, he said. In brazenly he took my hand and stuck his penis into it. I felt his cock, it was so hot, hard. I thought it was a dream. - Caress him, Andrei commanded, - more tenderly, even more tenderly, Andrei did not stop.

I held his organ with my hand, in fear not understanding what to do, now squeezing, then unclenching my fingers, I looked at his huge penis, and tears rolled down my cheeks. At some point, he even approached me, touched my head with his hand and said, “Kiss him.” No, I yelled and twitched. Everything happened very quickly, holding my head, his cock was in my mouth. - Suck him Katya, suck ... he groaned ... Andrey began to move quickly, breathe loudly and sniff. And, suddenly, my mouth was filled with something hot, tasteless, the gag reflex worked.

With one hand he held my head, with the other hand he held his cock, shooting one after another his charges of sperm, into my face, into my mouth and smearing them on my lips. When he finished, Andrey lit a cigarette, hugged me gently, looking into my eyes, he said, “you are a cool girl, you did everything, you are great, but you are just beautiful.” I had such a mess in my head, I did not know what to do and what to say to me. I really wanted to quickly run home and not see anyone. Andrei got up, went to the table to pour vodka, I examined his body, chest, stomach, and everything below was hairy, not like mine, a solid sausage hung between his legs, and his ass was so white. Then I examined myself, am I a girl?

I asked myself this question. I drank the second glass of vodka without snacks, I wanted to get drunk. I asked him for a cigarette to kill the bad taste of his semen. When I smoked, he grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet and asked for a dance. During the dance, he tried to put my hand on his organ, from which he strained and increased in size. After the dance, he picked me up in his arms and dragged me to another room. Again I became terribly afraid.

We fell on the bed, he started kissing me again, pawing my sides and legs. I resisted. When my strength and his strength dried up, we lay motionless for some time, then his hand fell on my chest, he began to squeeze it, and then through the neckline of the dress he got to my nipple, and began to tickle him so gently. I let him do it, but after a while, I began to feel some sensations, to be honest, I was pleased when he gently caressed my nipple. When he took off his tights with panties, I didn't care anymore. When he entered me, my feelings and sensations were overwhelmed, I did not understand what was happening to me. I realized this a little later, when I first learned what an orgasm is.

I left him the next day. I was very ashamed to look into the eyes of all the guys, my sisters. Only Lenka smiled alone and said sarcastically, “Well, Katyushka, she lost her virginity, now you are our full-fledged sister, well, it was great, did you like it?

Everyone present laughed.

And in the evening Andrei came and returned my tights. I was sitting in another room and I was very ashamed to go out, they were talking loudly about something and laughing.

25 chose

It's time for New Year's fairy tales that happen in life. I have one wonderful winter story on the mezzanine, now I'll tell you about it.

It happened in December of one year, when I was a sophomore. My friends and I decided to celebrate the New Year at a dacha near St. Petersburg. Everyone left to prepare for the holiday on December 29th, and I had my last exam on the 30th in the morning, so I stayed in the city and had to come by train.

I passed the exam perfectly, although I didn’t sleep the night before - I was preparing. In the train, I struggled with sleep for a long time, but I dozed off and drove past my station. I woke up, jumped out of the car - it turned out that I had gone two stops further. I approach the schedule, and until the next train in the opposite direction, almost three hours. Meanwhile, it's cold outside, it stings your nose. Well, I think I’ll call my brother now, he will pick me up by car! I take out my phone - and it is dead, because of the exam, I completely forgot about it.

Having estimated in my mind that it would take me less than an hour to walk, I decided that it was better than waiting for the train in the cold. I walk along the tracks - it seems nothing, it's not scary. But fifteen minutes later, my legs began to freeze, and my cheeks went numb. After another twenty minutes, I realized that if I don’t get warm now, I risk not meeting this New Year. Usually I'm embarrassed to ask for help, but then there was no choice. Passing by several dachas, I chose the cutest house, surrounded by bushes, and knocked on the door.

I was immediately let in by a pleasant elderly woman, almost without having to explain anything. Before I had time to say ten words, she was already pouring fragrant tea with thyme. I told her about my mistake, and she told me about flowers, kind people, her husband, a professor, and how wonderful they have sunsets over the lake. I was fascinated by Agatha, who looked like a kind godmother from a fairy tale. Her husband generously volunteered to take me to the village by car.

Agatha escorted me warmly to the car and took out a matchbox from a pocket on her apron. "This is for you, because you believe in miracles. Just don't open it now. If you ever get sick, open the box above the window."

I didn't tell anyone about it and didn't open it. I do believe in miracles. And in the spring, when one of my youthful loves "crashed into everyday life", sitting in melancholy and sadness on the windowsill, I remembered the matchbox given by Agatha. She found it, opened the window, and, holding her breath, pushed it out with one finger. And then… nothing happened. It was completely empty! I laughed at my childish innocence. What did such a sweet-looking woman want to say with this strange gift?

HELLO YOLKA, NEW YEAR!
Humorous story.
Rodion Kormanovsky.

New year's night. 23.20.
Big city. High house.

On one of the upper floors, Santa Claus, who has pretty much given in, gets into the elevator. Already going to press the button for the first floor.

Stop! - a cry is heard and another Santa Claus flies into the elevator cabin. Also under a degree.

The first one presses the button and the elevator goes down. The second, looking in surprise at the first, holds out his hand and says:
- Freezing.

Yeah, grandfather, - the first one answers, shaking a claw in a mitten.
They are like two drops of water similar to each other - the costumes are absolutely identical, both are slightly wheezing - numerous congratulations have done their job.

The working day is over ... - the first one wheezes.
- Working night ... - croaks the second.

The elevator stops and they fall out of it, staves cracking on the floor. Shout to each other:

Happy New Year! - and they go each in their own direction.
And the entrance to the house is through and they go to different exits. The first rolls out relaxed to his side of the house. Then two people fall on him, and tearing out the sack, they want to give him a goose, but the staff catches up with them. Having abandoned their prey, the unfortunate hooligans make their legs.

To each his own gift for the New Year! - Santa Claus grumbles, - for whom a festive cuff is enough. Jerks! The bag is empty!

At this moment, on the other side of the house, singing:
- We do not care! - the second Santa Claus appears, who is also waiting for someone.

You were supposed to be out there! - shouts the child of the street and tries to grab the bag, lifelessly dangling from Grandfather on his shoulder.

Here is my last gift for this year! - Santa Claus happily lowers the staff on the back of the unlucky punk.
He cackles and hobbles away.

Happy New Year! Don't bully! - the New Year's worker shouts after him and goes to the minibus with his portrait and the inscription "Happy Year of the Ox!"

The car is warm and dark. Santa Claus climbs in the back door and falls into the arms of the Snow Maiden.

Forward! - she shouts to the driver, and a wonderful car tears from its place.
- To you? - asks the driver.

As agreed, we will meet there. - Santa Claus wheezes, and the car gallops merrily along the empty streets.

He sang, - he answers, and it seems to her that he is somehow strange.
But after all, this is the New Year - the corresponding atmosphere and costumes are even more intriguing.

She also seems strange to him, but there is no time to think about it - there are minutes left before the New Year!

Do you want a gift for the New Year? - the Snow Maiden coos.
- I myself am a gift, - the New Year's grandfather grunts at the moment when she rips off his clothes.

The boy in red with a beard does not remain in debt, and his wife's fur coat flies to the floor.

We can't, he whispers.
- Can't you make it? she exclaims. - All this is so unusual, so exciting!

They jump into each other's arms.

In the meantime, the driver sees exactly the same car that has caught up with them and honks in greeting. Behind this, they do not pay the slightest attention. The second New Year's car honks back.

The green light is on and the minibuses “Happy Year of the Ox!” rush forward at high speed, hurrying to take passengers to the festive table.

And then a black cat jumps out onto the roadway.

Both cars brake sharply, a couple in love flies to the floor and Santa Claus meets his own staff with his forehead.

The cat rushes about, the drivers turn the wheel, the cars squeal their brakes and collide.

The cat gets away safely.

Stupid Santa Claus jumps out into the street. From clothes on it only a beard. The drivers are already yelling at each other with a good obscenity, and the same Santa Claus appears from the second minibus, in exactly the same suit.

Two Grandfathers stare at each other in surprise and Snow Maidens get out of the minibuses behind them. These took care of their wardrobe - they put on branded fur coats, but they forgot to comb their hair and look as if they were doing exactly what they were doing.

A silent scene follows.
The first Santa Claus and the Snow Maiden stare at the second pair, and the carriers, paying attention to the solemnity of the moment, fall silent.
Then the Snow Maidens, synchronously, tear off the beards from their companions and, just as synchronously, squeal.

Naked Santas stare at each other and say (loudly):
- We didn't have anything!
The drivers are neighing. In one of the cars, the chimes begin to beat on the radio.

Suddenly one of the drivers catches himself and pulls out a bottle of champagne from the cab, opens it. The second substitutes it is not clear where the cups that he has taken in his hands come from.

Squealing Snow Maidens and stunned masters of frosty striptease are given glasses and one of the drivers recites:
- Happy Year of the Horned Bull!...

P.S. And everything was to blame for the entrance entrance and the costume of Santa Claus. Well, life is not without New Year's surprises!

All in all:
HELLO, FIR-TREE, NEW YEAR!!!

And now, friends, I invite you to buy the full version!!! The story is included in the collection "Robbery in Russian". This is an exciting collection of sparkling humor and adventure! Therefore, follow the link at the bottom of my page and buy a book in Ozone and Litres! On Amazon and in the bookmate.com library, my books can be found in the site search. And you will always have the book with you, in your computer! A SMARTPHONE is the best thing, with it you can read it wherever you want, and this is at the lowest price! And one more thing: By simply BUYING a book, you give the author the opportunity to WRITE a new one! Make the right choice! Buy right now!!!

Did a duck burn down, a bottle of champagne broke, or a gift to the closest person was lost? Believe me, such New Year's failures overtook not you alone. We have scarier stories.

Anastasia

Marketer, 24

I somehow lost my wallet on New Year's Eve. Thank God, I managed to buy gifts for my loved ones. The truth came to visit without champagne and tangerines. Of course, I was very upset. After all, there were not only money, but also important cards. After the New Year began to restore. But then I got a new job. So everything is connected here. You lose something and gain something.

Social worker, 22

Popular

On New Year's Eve, my sister and I left the elevator on the first floor, and some inadequate guy greeted us with a firecracker. Imagine, he launched a firecracker right into our elevator. It's good that no one was hurt, we ran out, but the fire alarm went off, and the dispatchers were on their guard. Another hour figured out who is right and who is wrong.

Economist, 28

And my daughter ran after Santa Claus and got lost in the crowd! In our area there was a New Year's concert: songs, dances. Then Grandfather Frost began to walk and distribute sweets, she reached out to him, I turned away for a minute, I turn around - neither her nor grandfather. Of course I was hysterical! They searched for her for half an hour. As a result, they found her backstage, the artists treated her to sweets.

Student, 20

And my friends and I were driving through the forest to the dacha and got lost. We looped there for an hour, the navigators refused to work. We also came across some suspicious men. They were already tipsy and knocked on our windows, ran after the car. We were uneasy. As a result, we went to some field and opened champagne there. Then, by some miracle, they got out.

Engineer, 31

And they brought me a Doberman puppy from Germany especially for my beloved. I rode with him in the train, carried him in a special container, he fell asleep, I couldn’t even hear it. And since, in addition to him, I still had a bunch of bags, I hesitated at my station and left him in the car! It’s good that he came to his senses in time, when the train drove off, turned to the controller, and he managed to contact the depot so that the driver was informed about the loss. Nobody had time to pick up the puppy yet, they found it in time. True, I arrived at the girl an hour after the start of the holiday. But she was very pleased.

My boyfriend and I were going to visit friends. They arranged something like a small masquerade. Everyone had to be in suits and masks. The trick was that the couples did not know what their soulmate would come in. But the young man and I decided not to bother. He told me he was going to be wearing a Batman costume and I was just going to put on a sexy red dress and a mask. He would definitely recognize me. And so it happened. When we arrived at the party, he instantly recognized me. And for a long time I could not find him in the crowd, and then I noticed! She ran up behind and pinched her ass. And when he turned around, it turned out that it was a completely different man! My young man, meanwhile, stood aside and watched this. Turns out there were several Batmans at the party...