Tactile contact of the newborn with the mother. Tactile contact with a man is a reliable way to achieve your goal.

Everyone enjoys being noticed. Tactile contact is an integral part of any close interaction. Of course, business relationships are unlikely to imply strong hugs, but friendly meetings, as a rule, cannot do without them. Each person, one way or another, wants to feel needed, in demand and understood.

Tactile-visual contact helps build trust between partners, teaches them to be condescending and attentive. Only by looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, you can fully ascertain what feelings he is actually experiencing.

The essence of the concept

Tactile contact is a special form of interaction in which effective communication occurs between people. Agree that it is much easier to convey some important thought to a person if you touch him. It is very pleasant for any of us to be appreciated, to express our feelings with the help of strong handshakes.

What does tactile contact mean? Most often, with its help, people express their emotions aimed at a specific interlocutor. The desire to take by the hand, to stroke is connected with the need for understanding, which we all need so much. If a person is absolutely indifferent to another, then he will never, under any pretext, touch him. Closed people, as a rule, avoid tactile contact and are afraid to show it.

Feeling safe

Look at the woman holding the baby in her arms. She just glows with happiness! She is not afraid of any obstacles, she is not afraid of the prospect of losing individual prospects. A mother always sacrifices something for her baby: work, time, relationships with friends.

In the arms of the mother, the baby feels protected from all adversity. Her tender palms will lull him, caress him. It is tactile contact that provides the child with a sense of security from everything in the world. This is the most powerful weapon in the world against any antisocial acts. It has been noticed that many illegal acts are committed only because no one cared about such individuals in childhood. Mother's love creates the child's soul, forms his trust in the whole world around him.

If a mother does not devote enough time and attention to her offspring, then there is a great chance of forming a person who is unsociable, aggressive or withdrawn. No one can replace a mother's love for her child. One can only guess how lonely and unwanted orphans feel.

Manifestation of love

When we touch another person, it is as if we are saying to him: “I care about you.” The one who loves, necessarily strives to show his affection not only in words. How can you express your feelings? A look or a touch. The tactile contact of a man and a woman implies a deep feeling of each other at all levels. Sometimes it is enough to look into the eyes and say a kind word, otherwise only gentle handling and tactile warmth will help. We all want to feel loved and cared for.

Expression of confidence

In fact, we only allow ourselves to be touched by people we can fully trust. And this is by no means accidental. This is how our psychology works. Tactile contact is a very important and significant thing in everyone's life, so it should not be avoided or tried to be repelled. There are people who really do not like to hug, even with loved ones. Such manifestations testify precisely to the fact that not everything is so smooth in their life, there are internal problems and contradictions in interaction.

Trust is expressed through free tactile touches, strokes. To take a person by the hand means to show him special warmth, spiritual closeness, a desire to help. If we want to comfort a friend or relative, we hug them. And this almost always has a positive effect on a person, allows him to calm down. The fact is that hugs open the heart, help restore intimacy, trust, if for some reason they were lost.

Relationships between spouses

The interaction of husband and wife is a special moment that causes many different disputes. Family conflicts are the strongest in terms of impact. It is believed that it is in relationships with the dearest people that we learn important life lessons, without which our personality would not have fully taken place. After all, no one can be happy alone. It always requires the participation of a partner, the presence of a deep relationship with him. And here you can not do without tactile contact.

Spouses like no one else know each other. It's not just about the individual character, manners, habits. Each of us has our own weaknesses, ailments, and then being near a loved one can affect our condition and attitude.

Sexual interaction

Tactile contact with a man necessarily includes touch. When two people decide to dedicate their lives to each other, over time they know well what their partner likes and know how to guess his mood. Physical intimacy is impossible without a huge sense of trust in relation to the spouse. Both man and woman are equally in need of sincere love. But not everyone, unfortunately, knows how to properly express their emotions. Everyone wants to feel important and loved.

Rescue from stress

When you come home after a long day of work, it is so nice to realize that a loving family is waiting for you. A hot dinner, a manifestation of attention and care - that's what a partner is waiting for. With the help of tactile contact, you can get rid of stress, find peace of mind, relieve yourself of the burden of problems and fatigue. Nothing invigorates a person so much as the realization that someone needs him, his opinion is valuable in itself and important.

Tactile contact is a real salvation from stress. When we touch a person, he always feels how important he is in our life. Even the relationship of friends and girlfriends can be very close if there is a place for mutual hugs and pats on the back. Sometimes colossal support is required, and here tactile contact is clearly indispensable. The more emotions we learn to show in life, the easier it will be for us to build interaction with other people.

Nobody likes cold and indifferent people for whom to say an extra word is a problem. Everyone wants to feel a certain support and protection from those who are constantly nearby. Any relationship is built on mutual trust and common interests. It is hard to imagine that friends will endure a nervous, quick-tempered person next to them, from whom only troubles come.

Instead of a conclusion

Tactile contact is present in almost all forms of interpersonal interaction. The deeper and better the relationship between people, the more handshakes, hugs and a completely conscious intention to be next to each other in their communication. Often, self-confidence is formed in a person directly under the influence of how significant he feels in the company of relatives, friends, colleagues and, of course, family. Happiness depends on the circumstance that allows the individual to fully express his feelings.

Scientists assure that tactile sensations, that is, touch, are a biological human need and play a significant role in the formation of affection and love in a person.

This is the most direct way of emotional influence, which affects the healthy development of each organism, only with age it manifests itself less and less.

What is tactile sensation

As you know, five human senses allow us to perceive the world around us in all its diversity, and one of them is touch (tactile sense), thanks to which a person feels touch, vibration, pressure, pain, temperature.

And this is due to the work of the nerve endings of the skin. Nerve endings are distributed throughout the skin, but the tips of the fingers and toes, the tip of the tongue have the greatest tactile sensitivity. The skin of the back, abdomen, outer side of the forearms is less sensitive.

Tactile touch for a person is the most important way of communication and communication. A small child, having not yet mastered other types of communication, speaks with adults using the language of tactile touch.

With frequent tactile communication with the child, the prerequisites for his psychological health are laid. Experts believe that by touching a child, parents convey to him their emotional state of calmness, joy, love. Unfortunately, with age, all feelings become dull.

Types of tactile sensations:

In society, touch is used as a means of communication, they are regulated by social norms, the development of culture. There are touches that are ritual in nature, they are due to the social development of society. In some cultures, kisses on the shoulders (in India), kisses on the forehead and cheeks (in Russia and Europe), touching noses (on some islands of the Indian Ocean) are used.
Another type of tactile touch is associated with professional activities. Hairdressers, doctors, sports trainers, one way or another, touch other people, performing their functional duties.
And there is another type of touch, which is personal, intimate, in relations between people who are in close family relationships.

Interesting studies were conducted by American scientists who showed that men and women touch each other with the same frequency, but there are differences in the age factor.

Before the age of 30, men are more likely to resort to tactile contact than women.
After 50 years, the touch initiative is taken over by women.

Studies have shown that men like to touch their hands, while women prefer to touch their hands.

How men and women react to touch

The different reaction of men and women to touch depends on social conditions and their own status.

☻ A study was conducted in one of the libraries in America. The employees are given the task of either touching or not touching the hands of the students who take the books.

The female students whose hands were touched by the employees while handing over the books reacted positively. They had a pleasant impression of the library itself and the employees working in it. Female students who were not touched by employees were less positive about the service in the library.

In response to the touches of employees to young people, male students did not show sympathy for employees.

☻ In another study, scientists showed even greater differences in responses to tactile sensations of touch. The studies took place in a surgical clinic, where touching was part of professional duties, so there was nothing suspicious in the very fact of touching. The duration and frequency of contact between medical staff and patients were studied, after which a survey of patients was envisaged, and their mental and somatic state was studied.

Patients who were touched by medical workers reported that they were not at all afraid of the upcoming operation. After the operation, they had a normal level of blood pressure, other indicators of health were much better than those patients with whom the nurses did not have tactile touch.

In men, tactile touches showed the opposite effect. For every touch, they reacted negatively, with an increase in blood pressure. And for those that the nurses did not touch, the postoperative condition was much better.

Based on the research, scientists have concluded that women respond to touch more positively than men.

☻ It has been noticed that when people of approximately the same status, men react negatively to tactile touches, while women, on the contrary, positively.

☻ If a high-status person touches a person, the reaction of both men and women is positive.

☻ A purely psychological statement: an outside observer can determine the status of people who are talking by tactile touches. The one who touches the interlocutor has a higher status than the one who is touched. After all, it is impossible to imagine a situation where an employee, when talking with a boss, puts his hand on his shoulder or pats him on the shoulder ...

Tactile sensations in relationships

Scientists argue that tactile sensations in relationships between spouses or people who feel sympathy or love for each other carry positive energy and have healing power.

The touch of the spouses leads the human body to a harmonious state, which strengthens health and prolongs life.

Gentle touches at any age soothe, relax a person, pacify his rapid heartbeat and bring blood pressure back to normal.

How to keep the sharpness of tactile sensations until old age?

Women, by nature, have thinner, receptor-rich skin, so they are more sensitive to touch.
Don't let your skin get rough, chapped. The rougher the skin, the lower its sensitivity.

Listen to your sensations from the touch of clothing. Try to express your feelings in words, what do you feel: tingling, softness, warmth? To feel comfortable, choose clothes according to tactile sensations.

Exercise for training skin sensitivity (tactile sensations)

So that tactile sensations do not become dull with age, you can perform a simple exercise aimed at activating dormant brain cells.

Put on double cotton gloves. Now your fingers feel nothing, neither cold nor hot. Do all the chores around the house with gloves, although this is quite inconvenient.

Due to the lack of tactile sensations that your fingers conveyed to you, other parts of the brain will be actively involved. After some time, your clumsiness will pass, fine-tuned coordination of hand movements will reappear, you will see improvements in the perception of the world around you.

The role of tactile sensations will be taken over by other parts of the brain. After this exercise, you will more acutely feel any touch of your fingers on objects.

And do not forget, the tactile sensations of touch are relaxing and soothing, remember this and give each other the warmth of touch.

I wish you health, dear readers!

☀ ☀ ☀

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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Tactile communication is a way for humans and animals to communicate and interact through the sense of touch. Tactile-kinesthetic input comes from sensory receptors found in the skin, joints, muscles, tendons, and inner ear. feeling provides information about the outside world, forms ideas about the position of the body in space. In addition to providing information about surfaces and textures, touch, or tactile sense, is an integral part of what is also called non-verbal or non-visual. The sense of touch is extremely important for humans and is necessary for the expression of physical intimacy. With the help of communication, a person can attract attention, express his attitude towards the interlocutor, establish contact, but it can also cause negative emotions: reducing the psychological distance creates inconvenience for some people.

The meaning of touch can be positive, playful, ceremonial, intentional and unintentional. It can be both sexual (kissing) and abstract (like tickling). Touch is the first sense that develops in the embryo. The development of the tactile senses in the embryo and their relation to the development of other senses such as sight has been the subject of much research. According to scientists, babies had great problems with survival if they did not have a developed sense of touch, even if they were able to see and hear. It should not be forgotten that the attitude to touch differs among people in different countries. Also, the socially acceptable level of touching varies across cultures.

Types of tactile communication

Social/polite touch

The moment of transition from one category of tactile sense to another can be vague due to the peculiarities of the culture. For example, there are many places in the US where touching the forearm is considered socially correct and polite. However, in the Midwest this kind of communication is not always acceptable. The very first contact with a person in a business environment usually begins with a touch, namely a handshake. The way a person shakes hands can say a lot about him and his personality. Jones reveals the essence of tactile communication as the most intimate and engaging form of communication that helps people maintain good relationships with each other. Jones collaborated with Yarbrough to investigate the frequency of touch and the touch that occurs between individuals. By frequency, touch can be divided into two different types, namely repetitive and strategic. Repetitive touching is a type of touching where one person touches and the other person responds with the same gesture. Most of these touches are considered positive. Strategic touch is a series of touches, usually with an ulterior motive, used to get the person to do what the other wants. Usually repeated touches are personal or single touches. They must be interpreted in the context of what was said and conditioned by the set of social circumstances at the time the person was touched. defined as a polite way of maintaining interaction with strangers, without engaging in interpersonal relationships and without having to respond to the stranger's touch. Goffman, to explain this phenomenon, presents a study "in an elevator": it is unusual for people to look, talk or touch a person standing next to them. But in the case when the room in the elevator is so crowded that people "touch" each other, they maintain their indifference in order not to have an impact on people around them.

Friendly/warm feeling

In a friendly environment, touching is more common for women than for men. Whitcher and Fisher conducted a study to find out whether psychotherapeutic touch to reduce anxiety differs between the sexes. The nurses were instructed to touch their patients for a minute while the patients studied a pamphlet during a routine preoperative procedure. Women took it positively, while men did not. It has been suggested that men equated being touched with being treated as subordinate or dependent. Touching among family members has been found to influence their behavior. There are many factors at work in family relationships. Often, as the child grows, the amount of parental touch decreases.

love touch

Violence

Touching in close relationships can be violent at times. McEwan and Johnson divided violent touch into two categories: intimate terrorism and couple violence. Intimate terrorism is characterized as a need for control and dominance in relationships, which becomes more frequent and aggravated over time. Ordinary couple violence, on the other hand, is often the result of petty conflict. Such violence is less common and less severe, and does not gain momentum over time. There are two main differences between intimate terrorism and couple violence. Ordinary couple violence happens occasionally and does not escalate over time. One study by Gaiser in 1990 provided further evidence that men are actually more prone to non-verbal aggression and violence.

Sexual / Exciting

According to Givens (1999 study), the process of non-verbal communication and negotiation consists of sending and receiving messages in an attempt to gain someone's approval or love. The courtship that love can generate is defined as non-verbal communication aimed at attracting a sexual partner. During courtship, we exchange non-verbal communication gestures to tell each other that we need to get closer. The main signals on the way to intimacy are kisses and caresses.

The courtship period can be divided into 5 stages, which include the attention phase, the getting to know phase, the communication phase, the touching phase, and the lovemaking phase. The tactile senses are manifested in the last two phases. touch phase. The first touch can usually be "accidental" rather than intentional, done by touching a neutral part of the body. In this phase, the recipient either accepts the touch or rejects it with body movement. Hugs are a standard way for a person to tell someone they love them and maybe need them too. Intention to touch: A tactile code or hint in non-verbal communication is a hidden intention. Kissing is the final stage of the fourth phase of courtship. The last phase, lovemaking, which includes tactile stimulation known as light or protopathic touch. Any feeling of fear or anxiety can be alleviated with other touches such as kissing or massages.

Touch values

A 1985 touch study by Johnson and Yarborough identified 18 different meanings of touch, grouped into 7 types: positive (emotional) impact, play, control, ritual, mixed, purposeful, and casual.

Positive touch

These touches convey positive emotions and occur mostly between people who are in close relationships. These touches can be further classified, being subdivided into touches of support, approval, attachment, attraction, or affection.

Touches of Support: serve to show care, comfort, protection of a person. These touches are usually appropriate in situations where a person is in a state of anxiety.

Touches of approval: serve to express gratitude .

Touches of joining: pay attention to the fact that any activity is carried out jointly, suggest psychological closeness.

sexy touch: Expresses physical attraction or sexual attraction.

Touches of affection: expresses a person's general positive attitude, but more than simple recognition.

"Touches of the Game"

These touches serve to soften communication. "Touches of play" conveys a double message, as it always implies a signal of play, both verbal and non-verbal, that the behavior is not to be taken seriously. These touches can also be subdivided into influencing and aggressive touches.

Influencing: Used to soften communication. The seriousness of a positive message is neutralized by a playful signal.

Aggressive impact: as influencing, these touches are used to alleviate tension in communication, but a playful signal indicates aggression. These touches come from one side only, not both.

Controlling touches

These touches are needed in order to direct the behavior, attitude or state of the recipient in the right direction. The main feature of these touches is that almost all of them come from the person who is trying to influence. These touches can also be divided into accommodating, attracting attention and causing a reaction.

Compliant: attempts to direct the behavior of another person in the right direction and, as a rule, by influencing the attitude or feelings of another person.

Attracting attention: are needed in order to redirect the focus of the recipient's perception to something.

causing a reaction: are used to attract attention, to indirectly request a reaction from another.

ritual touch

This group includes touches during greetings and farewells. They help make the transition to and from focused communication.

Random touches

These touches are perceived as unintentional and do not carry any meaning. They mostly consist of light touches.

Culture and touch

High culture is common in eastern countries. Middle Eastern, Asian, African and South American cultures are examples of high culture. Traditions play a significant role, take root and hardly change over time. Representatives of this type of culture know exactly when to use tactile communication, based on a strict non-verbal, universally used law. According to the results of research, in some types of culture, touch is quite common (contact culture), while in others it may be absent (distant culture). Low-contact cultures include North Americans, Asians, and Northern Europeans. Representatives of these cultures when communicating are at a certain distance from each other, and Asians use a greater distance than North Americans and Northern Europeans. Latin American, South European cultures belong to contact cultures.

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Notes

An excerpt characterizing Tactile Communication

De boire, de battre,
Et d "etre un vert galant ...
[Having a triple talent,
drink, fight
and be kind...]
- But it's also difficult. Well, well, Zaletaev! ..
“Kyu…” Zaletaev said with an effort. “Kyu yu yu…” he drew out, diligently protruding his lips, “letriptala, de bu de ba and detravagala,” he sang.
- Oh, it's important! That's so guardian! oh… ho ho ho! “Well, do you still want to eat?”
- Give him some porridge; after all, it will not soon eat up from hunger.
Again he was given porridge; and Morel, chuckling, set to work on the third bowler hat. Joyful smiles stood on all the faces of the young soldiers who looked at Morel. The old soldiers, who considered it indecent to engage in such trifles, lay on the other side of the fire, but occasionally, rising on their elbows, looked at Morel with a smile.
“People too,” said one of them, dodging in his overcoat. - And the wormwood grows on its root.
– Oo! Lord, Lord! How stellar, passion! To frost ... - And everything calmed down.
The stars, as if knowing that now no one would see them, played out in the black sky. Now flashing, now fading, now shuddering, they busily whispered among themselves about something joyful, but mysterious.

X
The French troops were gradually melting away in a mathematically correct progression. And that crossing over the Berezina, about which so much has been written, was only one of the intermediate steps in the destruction of the French army, and not at all the decisive episode of the campaign. If so much has been written and written about the Berezina, then on the part of the French this happened only because on the Berezinsky broken bridge, the disasters that the French army had previously suffered evenly, suddenly grouped here at one moment and into one tragic spectacle, which everyone remembered. On the part of the Russians, they talked and wrote so much about the Berezina only because far from the theater of war, in St. Petersburg, a plan was drawn up (by Pfuel) to capture Napoleon in a strategic trap on the Berezina River. Everyone was convinced that everything would actually be exactly as planned, and therefore they insisted that it was the Berezinsky crossing that killed the French. In essence, the results of the Berezinsky crossing were much less disastrous for the French in the loss of guns and prisoners than the Red, as the figures show.
The only significance of the Berezinsky crossing lies in the fact that this crossing obviously and undoubtedly proved the falsity of all plans for cutting off and the validity of the only possible course of action required by both Kutuzov and all the troops (mass) - only following the enemy. The crowd of Frenchmen ran with an ever-increasing force of speed, with all their energy directed towards the goal. She ran like a wounded animal, and it was impossible for her to stand on the road. This was proved not so much by the arrangement of the crossing as by the movement on the bridges. When the bridges were broken through, unarmed soldiers, Muscovites, women with children, who were in the French convoy - everything, under the influence of inertia, did not give up, but ran forward into the boats, into the frozen water.
This endeavor was reasonable. The position of both the fleeing and the pursuing was equally bad. Staying with his own, each in distress hoped for the help of a comrade, for a certain place he occupied among his own. Having given himself over to the Russians, he was in the same position of distress, but he was placed on a lower level in the section of satisfying the needs of life. The French did not need to have correct information that half of the prisoners, with whom they did not know what to do, despite all the desire of the Russians to save them, were dying of cold and hunger; they felt that it could not be otherwise. The most compassionate Russian commanders and hunters of the French, the French in the Russian service could not do anything for the prisoners. The French were ruined by the disaster in which the Russian army was. It was impossible to take away bread and clothes from hungry, necessary soldiers, in order to give them not to harmful, not hated, not guilty, but simply unnecessary Frenchmen. Some did; but that was the only exception.
Behind was certain death; there was hope ahead. The ships were burned; there was no other salvation but a collective flight, and all the forces of the French were directed to this collective flight.
The farther the French fled, the more miserable were their remnants, especially after the Berezina, on which, as a result of the St. Petersburg plan, special hopes were placed, the more the passions of the Russian commanders flared up, blaming each other and especially Kutuzov. Believing that the failure of the Berezinsky Petersburg plan would be attributed to him, dissatisfaction with him, contempt for him and teasing him were expressed more and more strongly. Joking and contempt, of course, was expressed in a respectful form, in a form in which Kutuzov could not even ask what and for what he was accused. He was not spoken seriously; reporting to him and asking his permission, they pretended to perform a sad ceremony, and behind his back they winked and tried to deceive him at every step.
All these people, precisely because they could not understand him, it was recognized that there was nothing to talk about with the old man; that he would never understand the full depth of their plans; that he would answer his phrases (it seemed to them that these were only phrases) about the golden bridge, that it was impossible to come abroad with a crowd of vagabonds, etc. They had already heard all this from him. And everything he said: for example, that you have to wait for provisions, that people are without boots, it was all so simple, and everything they offered was so complicated and clever that it was obvious to them that he was stupid and old, but they were not powerful, brilliant commanders.
Especially after the unification of the armies of the brilliant admiral and the hero of St. Petersburg Wittgenstein, this mood and staff gossip reached its highest limits. Kutuzov saw this and, sighing, shrugged his shoulders. Only once, after the Berezina, did he get angry and write to Bennigsen, who delivered the following letter to the sovereign separately:
“Due to your painful seizures, if you please, Your Excellency, upon receipt of this, go to Kaluga, where you await further command and appointment from His Imperial Majesty.”
But after Benigsen's departure, the Grand Duke Konstantin Pavlovich came to the army, who made the beginning of the campaign and was removed from the army by Kutuzov. Now the Grand Duke, having arrived at the army, informed Kutuzov about the displeasure of the Emperor for the weak successes of our troops and for the slowness of movement. The Sovereign Emperor himself intended to come to the army the other day.
An old man, just as experienced in court affairs as in military affairs, that Kutuzov, who in August of that year was chosen commander-in-chief against the will of the sovereign, the one who removed the heir and the Grand Duke from the army, the one who, by his power, in opposition to the will of the sovereign, ordered the abandonment of Moscow, this Kutuzov now immediately realized that his time was over, that his role had been played and that he no longer had this imaginary power. And it was not just from court relations that he realized this. On the one hand, he saw that the military business, the one in which he played his role, was over, and he felt that his calling had been fulfilled. On the other hand, at the same time he began to feel physical weariness in his old body and the need for physical rest.
On November 29, Kutuzov entered Vilna - his good Vilna, as he said. Twice in his service, Kutuzov was governor in Vilna. In the rich surviving Vilna, in addition to the comforts of life, which he had been deprived of for so long, Kutuzov found old friends and memories. And he, suddenly turning away from all military and government concerns, plunged into an even, familiar life as much as he was given rest by the passions that boiled around him, as if everything that was happening now and about to happen in the historical world did not concern him at all.
Chichagov, one of the most passionate cut-offers and overturners, Chichagov, who wanted to first make a diversion to Greece, and then to Warsaw, but did not want to go where he was ordered, Chichagov, known for his bold speech with the sovereign, Chichagov, who considered Kutuzov blessed by himself, because when he was sent in the 11th year to conclude peace with Turkey, in addition to Kutuzov, he, convinced that peace had already been concluded, admitted to the sovereign that the merit of making peace belongs to Kutuzov; this Chichagov was the first to meet Kutuzov in Vilna at the castle where Kutuzov was supposed to stay. Chichagov in a naval uniform, with a dagger, holding his cap under his arm, gave Kutuzov a drill report and the keys to the city. That contemptuous respectful attitude of young people towards the old man who had gone out of his mind was expressed to the highest degree in the entire appeal of Chichagov, who already knew the accusations leveled against Kutuzov.
Speaking with Chichagov, Kutuzov, among other things, told him that the carriages with dishes he had recaptured from him in Borisov were intact and would be returned to him.
- C "est pour me dire que je n" ai pas sur quoi manger ... Je puis au contraire vous fournir de tout dans le cas meme ou vous voudriez donner des diners, [You want to tell me that I have nothing to eat. On the contrary, I can serve you all, even if you wanted to give dinners.] - flaring up, said Chichagov, who wanted to prove his case with every word and therefore assumed that Kutuzov was also preoccupied with this. Kutuzov smiled with his thin, penetrating smile and, shrugging his shoulders, answered: - Ce n "est que pour vous dire ce que je vous dis. [I only want to say what I say.]
In Vilna, Kutuzov, contrary to the will of the sovereign, stopped most of the troops. Kutuzov, as his close associates said, unusually sank and physically weakened during his stay in Vilna. He reluctantly took care of the affairs of the army, leaving everything to his generals and, while waiting for the sovereign, indulged in a dispersed life.
Having left with his retinue - Count Tolstoy, Prince Volkonsky, Arakcheev and others, on December 7 from Petersburg, the sovereign arrived in Vilna on December 11 and drove straight to the castle in a road sleigh. At the castle, despite the severe frost, there were about a hundred generals and staff officers in full dress uniform and an honor guard of the Semenovsky regiment.
The courier, who galloped to the castle on a sweaty troika, ahead of the sovereign, shouted: "He's on his way!" Konovnitsyn rushed into the hall to report to Kutuzov, who was waiting in a small Swiss room.
A minute later, a fat, large figure of an old man, in full dress uniform, with all the regalia covering his chest, and his belly pulled up by a scarf, swaying, came out onto the porch. Kutuzov put on his hat along the front, took gloves in his hands and sideways, stepping with difficulty down the steps, stepped down from them and took in his hand the report prepared for submission to the sovereign.
Running, whispering, the troika still desperately flying by, and all eyes were fixed on the jumping sleigh, in which the figures of the sovereign and Volkonsky were already visible.
All this, according to fifty years of habit, had a physically unsettling effect on the old general; he anxiously hurriedly felt himself, adjusted his hat, and at that moment, as the sovereign, getting out of the sleigh, raised his eyes to him, cheered up and stretched out, filed a report and began to speak in his measured, ingratiating voice.
The emperor glanced at Kutuzov from head to toe, frowned for a moment, but immediately, overcoming himself, came up and, spreading his arms, hugged the old general. Again, according to the old, familiar impression and in relation to his sincere thoughts, this embrace, as usual, had an effect on Kutuzov: he sobbed.
The sovereign greeted the officers, with the Semyonovsky guard, and, shaking the old man's hand once more, went with him to the castle.
Left alone with the field marshal, the emperor expressed his displeasure at the slowness of the pursuit, for the mistakes in Krasnoye and on the Berezina, and told him his thoughts on the future campaign abroad. Kutuzov did not make any objections or comments. The same submissive and senseless expression with which, seven years ago, he listened to the orders of the sovereign on the field of Austerlitz, was now established on his face.
When Kutuzov left the office and with his heavy, diving gait, head down, walked down the hall, someone's voice stopped him.
“Your Grace,” someone said.
Kutuzov raised his head and looked for a long time into the eyes of Count Tolstoy, who, with some small thing on a silver platter, stood in front of him. Kutuzov did not seem to understand what they wanted from him.
Suddenly, he seemed to remember: a barely perceptible smile flickered on his plump face, and he, bending low, respectfully, took the object lying on the dish. It was George 1st degree.

The next day, the field marshal had a dinner and a ball, which the sovereign honored with his presence. Kutuzov was granted George 1st degree; the sovereign gave him the highest honors; but the sovereign's displeasure against the field marshal was known to everyone. Decency was observed, and the sovereign showed the first example of this; but everyone knew that the old man was to blame and good for nothing. When at the ball Kutuzov, according to the old Catherine's habit, at the entrance of the sovereign into the ballroom, ordered the taken banners to be thrown down at his feet, the sovereign grimaced unpleasantly and uttered words in which some heard: "the old comedian."
The displeasure of the sovereign against Kutuzov intensified in Vilna, especially because Kutuzov, obviously, did not want or could not understand the significance of the upcoming campaign.
When the next day in the morning the sovereign said to the officers gathered at his place: “You saved more than one Russia; you saved Europe,” everyone already understood then that the war was not over.
Only Kutuzov did not want to understand this and openly expressed his opinion that a new war could not improve the position and increase the glory of Russia, but could only worsen its position and reduce the highest degree of glory on which, in his opinion, Russia now stood. He tried to prove to the sovereign the impossibility of recruiting new troops; talked about the plight of the population, about the possibility of failure, etc.
In such a mood, the field marshal, naturally, seemed only an obstacle and a brake on the upcoming war.
To avoid clashes with the old man, a way out was found by itself, consisting in, as in Austerlitz and as at the beginning of the Barclay campaign, to take out from under the commander-in-chief, without disturbing him, without announcing to him that the ground of power on which he stood , and transfer it to the sovereign himself.
To this end, the headquarters was gradually reorganized, and all the essential strength of Kutuzov's headquarters was destroyed and transferred to the sovereign. Toll, Konovnitsyn, Yermolov received other appointments. Everyone said loudly that the field marshal had become very weak and upset with his health.

Do you like a man, but he does not pay attention to you? Seduce him, but in such a way that it remains invisible.

In relations between a man and a woman, the initiative behind the scenes belongs to the stronger sex. It has been this way from time immemorial, because nature has not in vain entrusted men with the role of invaders, miners and conquerors. However, the modern world has somewhat erased gender boundaries. In our age, a woman can wear jeans and boots, hold leadership positions, and take care of her own provision. So why is it that the first step in a relationship taken by a woman is still considered something wrong, and rarely leads to success? It's simple - every woman is endowed with an amazing ability to charm and seduce, so the "rough" ways to achieve love turn out to be ineffective.

We all know that a woman should be inaccessible, modest and mysterious. However, in practice, it turns out that these qualities sometimes do us a disservice. Let's say you liked a man, but you don't see any active actions on his part to win your heart and, therefore, you don't know how he treats you. Keeping in mind the notorious female inaccessibility, it would be logical to let the situation take its course, but then you risk being left in splendid isolation, grieving about a failed romance. If you try on the image of a strong woman and directly tell the young man about your feelings, most likely, this will cause him bewilderment, because. revealing all the cards to a man, you deprive him of the opportunity to show his innate hunting instinct. It is obvious that with such a subtle feeling as love, one must act with extreme caution, choosing the “golden mean” method. That is why we invite you to master the art of discreet seduction of men.

How to seduce a man without him noticing?

1. The right attitude

Our mood is like clothes. Just like a dress or a suit, it makes others pay attention to us and is an important part of the overall impression we make on people. As we set ourselves up, so things will develop. If you consider yourself insecure, unattractive and uninteresting, these are the qualities a man will see in you. Conversely, if you know that you, like any other person, have your own unique character traits, and focus on your positive qualities, it is from this side that others will characterize you.

The first step in seducing a man is your confidence. Surely you have noticed more than once that success in love depends not only on appearance, intelligence or character. Sometimes less attractive (by generally accepted standards) women attract men to them like a magnet, while their beautiful girlfriends can not arrange their personal lives. The secret of such “injustice” lies precisely in the fact that some women are initially set to win, while others subconsciously do not believe that they are worthy of love.

2. Non-verbal communication

Body language can express our feelings and intentions more accurately than speech. Have you noticed what happens to a woman while flirting with a man you like? Her body involuntarily turns towards the interlocutor, her hands begin to fiddle with her hair and rings, and her gaze acquires amazing softness and kindness. All these reactions are echoes of an ancient instinct, with the help of which, in cave times, people showed their sympathy towards each other. Despite the colossal evolution, it is non-verbal signs of attention that are the decisive factor in the process of the birth of love between a man and a woman. You can talk to the object of your passion about the most prosaic and unromantic things, but if your body shows interest in a non-verbal way, the man's subconscious will take this information into account and begin to act in the right way. Notice how wisely nature has taken care of women's reputation: when seducing a man, we do not need to say a single word, and, therefore, it seems that we are by no means taking the first step.

How can we use this information for our own purposes? It is enough just not to be afraid to look a man in the eye, to follow your facial expressions and gestures, using non-verbal language at the right time.

3. Give a man attention

Absolutely all people, regardless of gender, are pleased to receive signs of attention and compliments. A person who is interested in us automatically goes into the category of interesting and pleasant personalities. That is why, when charming a man, do not skimp on the manifestation of emotions. Give the man subtle compliments, laugh at his jokes, continue the conversation he started, because. All this increases your importance in his eyes.

But, of course, you need to take care of a man in moderation, otherwise an imperceptible seduction will turn into a very specific and unambiguous imposition.

4. Establish tactile contact with a man

Tactile contact is a powerful signal of sympathy. We voluntarily touch only those people who are pleasant to us and subconsciously understand this moment. That is why be sure to use unobtrusive touch in the process of seducing a man. For example, remove the thread from his suit, give him something, ask him to hold your hand while you adjust the fasteners on your shoes, etc. All this looks innocent and unobtrusive, but at the same time, very seductive, and also takes your communication to a closer level.

5. Be seductive on the outside

Every man has his own preferences in female appearance. Someone likes blondes, and someone likes brunettes, someone is thin, and someone is full. However, there are some details that can charm absolutely all the representatives of the stronger sex. First of all, this refers to the femininity and accuracy of your image. It practically does not matter what exactly you will be wearing at the time of your meeting, but it is very important that your overall look looks neat and moderately seductive.

And, of course, do not forget about a pleasant aroma, because the aroma that we exude affects the receptors in the brain, forcing a man to pay attention to us. As a rule, men are pleased to feel light floral and slightly sweet smells.

I am 23 years old. We, together with a young man of 4 years old, experienced many life situations, parted, but still returned to each other.
I love him very much and appreciate him as a person and as a man. I am satisfied with everything in our relationship, except that he does not give me enough warmth and affection. I grew up in a family where manifestations of love were always supported by hugs, kisses, touches. And in his family, on the contrary, everyone is somehow cold in this regard. They have excellent kind and respectful relations, the family is complete, but in terms of showing tenderness through tactile sensations, this is not the case. This worries me for 2 reasons: 1. I want initiative on his part, but he very rarely shows it, 2. when I climb up to him with "my tenderness", he sometimes gets annoyed and fences himself off from me even more, it seems to him that I am obsessive and get into his personal space. He practically doesn’t kiss me on the lips, says that he doesn’t like it. Moreover, this is not disgust, in an intimate sense, everything is in order with this (only without kisses on the lips). It's hard for me to live with it, I feel emotionally cold from it. I tried to talk to him about it, he replies that he simply does not have as much warmth as I give him and I try to demand in return.
This seems to be a trifle, since there is love, respect, trust and everything that is really important in relationships, but insults accumulate from this “little thing” and sometimes pour out in the form of unpleasant words and swearing.
Help me please! How can we be?
I understand that he is already a mature personality (30 years old), he cannot be changed and you have to accept him the way he is. And I understand that men express their feelings not like women, but differently. But on the other hand, I also have needs and it is wrong to live constantly in a state of dissatisfaction.
I do not know how to be, I really hope for your professional advice.

Hello Julia!

It is very difficult to recommend something when one partner is trying to solve the problem, and the other is not involved in this. It is a pity that your husband does not understand how important affection is for you. Often, problems with betrayal begin with the simplest, the husband caresses little and shows tenderness to his wife. A kiss on the lips is the highest intimate trust. Your husband says that he does not have so much warmth for you ... hmm ... but does he love you? Or maybe he has someone and he does not need this caress? Sincerely, Olesya.

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Hello Julia.

A person always has a choice, you have a choice in this situation. I will continue to live with this person and build relationships with him or I don’t want such relationships anymore and I want to end them. If you choose the first option, then you must understand that we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. Are you ready to part with a man whom you love and appreciate as a man, but who cannot give you enough affection due to his upbringing? How valuable is one and the other to you? Are these values balanced for you or is one of them more significant for you? What can be done to make you feel more satisfied in your relationship? What compromises are you willing to make to make the relationship comfortable for both of you? Are you frank and open in conversations with your man? Do you tell him that "tenderness" on his part is very important to you? Have you ever looked for compromises to resolve your mutual misunderstanding on this issue?

If you want to understand yourself and your question in more detail, please contact me, I will be happy to help.

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Hello Julia! There is such a concept - as languages of love - for you one of such languages is tactile touches, for another - words, for the third - gifts. It turns out that you and your husband speak different languages of Love. Often problems in the family begin because of a misunderstanding of this. The husband loves you, but he can show Love in his own way, accessible to him, and the point here is not gender differences, some men can also speak the language of tactile touches. This situation is not easy for you - since here is an option for you - or take it for granted and understand your husband by talking to him and perhaps he will feel your need and try to hug and kiss you at least a little more often. Your husband’s rejection of affection may be due to his upbringing, which was so unaccepted in his family, or with an experience that did not lead to anything good, that is, the roots of this lie in his psyche and experiences gained in life, responsibility for relationships in the couple is both - and the main thing in a relationship is compromise, you may be able to come to it. Good luck to you!

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Hello Julia! Indeed, each person shows love in their own way. At the same time, the partner may be offended that the other has his own way. But is it worth it to be offended by this? After all, everything else is fine with you. Kisses and touches are important to you, but not to him. What to do? If he doesn't like being touched, what does he like? It makes sense to find out what exactly pleases him. Your husband considers kissing a violation of his personal space. This mechanism has been laid down since childhood, and if this does not interfere with him personally, then he will not do anything about it. I think it is worth very carefully and slowly slowly accustoming him to tactile sensations. After all, imagine that a person has grown up without this all his life, moreover, it is unpleasant for him and you "climb" to him with hugs. The reaction is obvious. Start by touching with your finger, for example, his palm (although I don’t know, maybe that’s what he likes) or touching his face, etc. And ask his reaction, but without imposing and pestering. Let's say one touch can be practiced for one or more weeks. Gradually, you can get to kissing. Good luck to you!

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Julia, hello.

Julia, people are very different. But schematically, of course, you can divide the types of people, and they are different. The simplest: introverts, extroverts. According to socionics, there are even more of them. And there is a division of people according to the perception of the world. Visualists, auditoryists, kinesthetics. You, Yulia, are kinesthetic. It is important for you to feel the person. You care about smells. You so "hear" the person. Your husband does not understand you because he most likely has a different language of communication. Julia, can you try to understand this language and start "speaking" it? Watch your husband. How does he express feelings? Also, talk to your husband about your way of communicating, explain to him how important hugs and touches are to you. If you have a good trusting relationship, you will understand each other. Buy books on psychology. Read for yourself, let him read. It may be worth reading together, starting to study ourselves together. I think your relationship will improve a lot.

All the best.

Sincerely, T.Sh.