Causes of male loneliness. Male loneliness: concept, reasons. Pros and cons of the situation, ways to overcome it and advice from psychologists. A woman who either no longer expects anything from him or whom he calls mom can truly think about a man
Male loneliness as a socio-psychological phenomenon is characterized by the absence of attachments and close connections among representatives of the stronger sex. It may be a consequence of a mental wound received as a result of an unsuccessful relationship, or it may arise against the background of excessive demands on the future bride.
Some men explain their loneliness by their busy schedule at work, which takes up literally all their free time. They simply physically do not have the strength to communicate and get to know representatives of the fairer sex. Also, the reasons for male loneliness include some behavioral characteristics, for example, excessive alcohol consumption, gambling, etc.
In addition, men may be deprived of female attention due to the fact that they simply do not make an effort to find a soul mate in the hope that everything will be resolved by itself. They behave too selfishly towards women, devoting their lives to entertainment, friends, creativity and the implementation of ideas. The risk category also includes men prone to depression, infantilism, as well as those with poor communication skills and mental pathologies.
What is the danger of male loneliness?
A lonely man has no desire for spiritual growth, he does not try to improve himself, because he does not see the point in this. Often, every day he follows the well-worn “work-home” route, and spends his free time at the computer or TV. Every year the desire to meet representatives of the fair sex weakens, and the world takes on black and white colors. The worst thing is that time inexorably flies forward, and the representative of the stronger sex will not have time to look back when there will be nothing left around him but icy silence.
It should also be noted that lonely people are most susceptible to stressful conditions. Especially if we are talking about complete loneliness, when a man does not have not only a soul mate, but also friends, parents, acquaintances to whom he could pour out his soul. A person periodically needs to throw out negative emotions in order to “discharge” the body and get rid of fatigue.
Of course, we should not forget that each person is individual; for some, loneliness is a habitual way of life. Some people are so self-sufficient that they do not need external support and feel absolutely comfortable alone with themselves.
Sometimes I dread what it would be like to be a man. By and large, no one thinks about him, about the man. What is life like for him?
They think more about seals and fur seals. Most women think only about whether they love or not, what they do or don’t do, whether they will come or not, whether they will change or not, whether they will change or not.
- Psychologist Yulia Rubleva about male loneliness.
A woman dependent on a man is like a prisoner whose arms have been twisted and tied at the elbows to someone else. To her man. As soon as he moves, she hisses, “It hurts!” When he freezes, she jerks - why are you frozen? you are alive? Do you feel good about me? I'm exaggerating this, as always. But by and large, look in the mirror.
A woman who either no longer expects anything from him, or whom he calls mom, can truly think about a man.
More and more men I know are complaining about loneliness. They look lonely. They choose loneliness. Sometimes they just need us to pet them and not ask questions. To my shame, I can pet, but in most cases I cannot resist asking questions. Because I'm worried about myself. Does he relate to me? Most of the women I know, in one way or another, without needing to be seen, draw attitudes out of men. At least some.
Meanwhile, the man gets tired and closes his eyes. He no longer wants to see either his business, or his woman, or his global responsibility for everything. If something doesn't work out for him, he's an asshole. He lives with the feeling of “I’m an asshole,” and he doesn’t have the magic word “but.”
Everything is simpler for us. Not everything is going well at work, but my husband is good. I have no husband, no job, but I have legs. And breasts. Well, yes, I’m fat, but Katka is even fatter. For some reason this “but” doesn’t work for men. Their rules are honest, strict and simple. Do you have big balls, but no career? Well, you're an asshole. Do you have a Bentley, but don't have the woman you love? Well, you're an asshole. Do you have a beloved woman, but no Bentley? what an asshole you are!
They are always built into competition - one, and into hierarchy - two. They are always trying to figure out which one is the puppy and who is the boss on the playground. And sometimes when they come home, they just want to lie face down and close their eyes. Alone. Because if not alone, then again you’re an asshole. Weak and tuff.
I could never be a man. I am a weakling and a softie, and often cry under the covers. And no one will say a word to me. I won't say a word to myself. But real heroes have a strict taboo on feeling sorry for themselves.
I was young, and my husband was building a business. In the 90s. He came home and lay down, closing his eyes. And I wanted him to talk to me. And he spoke. Barely alive from fatigue.
Then, already in my unmarried life, I wanted something more from the men I loved. To love. To get married. To roses. Do not hurt me. Do not move. Or not. Move and do good to me.
How do they feel? The further into the forest, the less I understand about this.
And when I have enough imagination to imagine that sometimes they just need to be accepted and understood, and kept silent, and brought tea, and all this - not today or tomorrow, but for a long, long time, until everything gets better - then it seems to me, that I understand everything. Then gender disappears, and there are simply two adults who can do something good for each other. Supportive. Friendly. Loving.
This is the first time in my life that I'm seriously thinking about this.
It seems to me that they are becoming more and more lonely and abandoned amid all these courses for bitches and female independence. And they can’t tell anyone about this, about their growing loneliness. And from this pitiful place, from this anxiety, I can no longer want anything from a man. Although from the point of view of successful women I come across as a complete asshole. After all, I don’t have a fur coat, a husband, or even a regular “good night” text message. So don’t take my example, don’t.
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Excerpt from the book “Loneliness of Men”, AST, Yulia Rubleva, 2013.
Sometimes I dread what it would be like to be a man.
By and large, no one thinks about him, about the man. What is life like for him? They think more about seals and fur seals.
Everyone (let’s not point fingers) thinks only about whether he loves or doesn’t love. Does, doesn't. He will come, he will not come. Will change, won't change. A woman dependent on a man is like a prisoner whose arms have been twisted and tied at the elbows to someone else. To her man. As soon as he moves, she hisses, “It hurts.” When he freezes, she jerks - why are you frozen? You are alive? How do you feel about me?
I'm exaggerating this, as always.
But by and large, look in the mirror. A woman who either no longer expects anything from him, or whom he calls mom, can truly think about a man.
More and more men I know are complaining about loneliness. They look lonely. They choose loneliness. Sometimes they just need us to pet them and not ask questions. To my shame, I can pet, but in most cases I cannot resist asking questions. Because I'm worried about myself. Does he relate to me? Most of the women I know, in one way or another, without needing to be seen, draw attitudes out of men. At least some.
Meanwhile, the man gets tired and closes his eyes. He no longer wants to see either his business, or his woman, or his global responsibility for everything.
If something doesn't work out for him, he's an asshole. He lives with the feeling of “I’m an asshole,” and he doesn’t have the magic word “but.” Everything is simpler for us. Not everything is going well at work, but my husband is good. I have no husband, no job, but I have legs. And breasts. Well, yes, I’m fat, but Katka is even fatter.
For some reason this “but” doesn’t work for men. Their rules are honest, strict and simple. Do you have big balls, but no career? Well, you're an asshole. Do you have a Bentley, but don't have the woman you love? Well, you're an asshole. Do you have a beloved woman, but no Bentley? Well, you're an asshole.
They are always built into competition - one, and into hierarchy - two. They are always trying to figure out which one is the puppy and who is the boss on the playground. And, sometimes, when they come home, they just want to lie face down and close their eyes. Alone. Because if not alone, then again you’re an asshole. Weak and tuff.
I could never be a man. I am a weakling and a softie, and often cry under the covers. And no one will say a word to me. I won't say a word to myself. But real heroes have a strict taboo on feeling sorry for themselves.
I was young, and my husband was building a business. In the 90s. He came home and lay down, closing his eyes. And I wanted him to talk to me. And he spoke. Barely alive from fatigue.
Then, already in my unmarried life, I wanted something more from the men I loved. To love. To get married. To roses. Do not hurt me. Do not move. Or not: move and do good to me. How do they feel?
The further into the forest, the less I understand about this. And when I have enough imagination to imagine that sometimes they just need to be accepted and understood, and kept silent, and brought tea, and all this - not today and not tomorrow, but for a long, long time, until everything gets better - then it seems to me, that I understand everything. Then gender disappears, and there are simply two adults who can do something good for each other. Supportive. Friendly. Loving.
This is the first time in my life that I'm seriously thinking about this. It seems to me that they are becoming more and more lonely and abandoned amid all these courses for bitches and female independence. And they can’t tell anyone about this, about their growing loneliness. And from this pitiful place, from this anxiety, I can no longer want anything from a man. Although from the point of view of successful women I come across as a complete asshole. After all, I don’t have a fur coat, a husband, or even a regular “good night” text message. So don’t take my example, don’t.
How often do we women think about how men live? We are used to perceiving them as supermen who are not afraid of anything. But it can also be difficult, sad and lonely for them. Let's look at the problem of loneliness from a male point of view.
What is it like, male loneliness?
If you are a woman, you can conduct such an experiment. Register a profile on any popular dating site and post one photo (yours or even someone else’s). In a week you will have several hundred proposals from men. You won’t even have time to say “Hello” to each of them. If you are a man, do the same experiment. Only now you will have to make all these offers yourself and send your “hello” to hundreds of women, and then wait for a response from them. Of course, on the Internet, as in reality, a man must make the first step - this is his task, he is a hunter, he is a seducer. A woman makes the first step much less often, and for this a man needs to try - to show off his face, status and his proposal. However, loneliness one way or another overtakes all men - confident and insecure, accomplished and losers, arrogant and complex. And if for a weak man the reasons for loneliness seem to be obvious (this is a lack of self-confidence, shyness, immaturity, etc.), then what about the loneliness of those men who should be in great demand among women? Women complain: all the cool men have long been sorted out - either in marriages, or they have a whole staff of mistresses. And all those “hundreds” that write to them on dating sites are either sexually preoccupied, or inadequate, or bankrupt. The loneliness of a successful man is rooted in the belief: “I need to be strong, beautiful, rich, brave - then all women will be mine.” He becomes like this - but after a while he sees that the woman does not value him, but, for example, his status or wallet. In search of someone who will love “just like that,” a man begins to change lovers or compensate for quality with quantity. Finally, having found the right woman, he marries her and finally turns into a means of getting money for the family. And of course, the wife clings to him, and the marriage survives for a while on a compromise and then falls apart. The loneliness of any man, regardless of his social status, is based on the fulfillment of sexual needs. But it includes far more than just regular sex life. It is extremely important for a man to be significant to a woman and to achieve her - not only to seduce, but also to arouse reciprocal feelings in her, to hear words of praise from her, to feel her support. If women reject him, he becomes disappointed in himself and his masculinity. After which attempts are made to break out of loneliness - either in the above traditional way, or in some other way, for example, a man can become feminine with all the ensuing consequences.Reproduction of the generic model
A man’s loneliness begins in childhood, when he is assigned the role of a boy, and she is assigned the role of a girl. The foundations of masculinity, independence and responsibility are laid by parents. The foundations of sexual literacy should be laid by them and school employees (this is a separate issue related to the system of psychological education of children and adolescents). But the first example of communication with a woman is still given to a boy by his father: how does he relate to his mother? Does he help her, does he admire her, does he make all the important decisions in the family? The attitude “you must study, get a profession, have a family and children” does not always work, because the boy does not understand how to do this and why he owes it to someone. A man grows out of a boy. The boy develops an attitude towards girls: he fears and despises them - or respects and helps. He thinks that sex is bad, shameful or not necessary at all (parents do not have love and normal sexual relationships), or sex is normal, and it is necessary to realize this need, at least for health. Why is it biologically and historically important for a man to father a son? Because the father passes on all his skills and experience to his son so that the son becomes independent and surpasses his father in the future. As for the mother, her task is to praise her son for his own achievements from an early age, encourage his independent decisions, and unobtrusively teach him how to care for a woman. And of course, don’t be a nanny for your son when he reaches adulthood. Let's return to the loneliness of successful men. So, he grew up, became strong, brave and rich, but he didn’t have much character. This means that his strength is in suppression and humiliation, his courage is in pride and arrogance, and wealth is equal to the opinion that everything and everyone can be bought, and that what is bought is his absolute property. And we again plunge into the childhood of such a man, when the concepts of masculinity were formed incorrectly. However, parents are not chosen - they are also far from ideal. More precisely, the soul of the unborn child chooses the parents - to solve its life problems - but this is already esotericism, karmic and generic aspects of existence.How to deal with male loneliness?
1. Spiritual teachings say that a person must come to terms with his loneliness, making it a state of solitude and self-sufficiency. However, there is no need to consciously escape into a spiritual search in order to solve this problem. Our needs and interactions in society will not disappear anywhere. Buddha went to meditate only after he became king on earth, but not before or instead of that. 2. Upgrading masculinity. If the reason is its lack, then it is necessary to make up for lost time and do this not only literally (physically), but also psychologically. This is called gaining self-confidence and can be associated with professional fulfillment, social significance, success with women, and, most importantly, taking responsibility for your life. A man is the one who makes decisions and acts. 3. Understand the qualities inherent in a man. Aggression, power, anger and envy can lead a man in the wrong direction, and while pumping up negative traits, they must be balanced with nobility, determination and fearlessness. Feelings of guilt and shame for previous failures that led to loneliness activate all the suppressed negativity in men. This is good: the man will finally begin to understand himself and his problems. The main thing is to put your future life path on the right track, try to accept and forgive the past, and not slide into banal revenge on all those who are to blame for his loneliness.Loneliness as a socio-psychological phenomenon and condition is associated with the lack of close connections and attachments. This is a big problem of society, a psychological epidemic of a big city. In this article we will make a distinction by highlighting the features of male loneliness, identifying its main causes. Let's try to answer a number of questions. Could male loneliness be the norm? How to form a relationship with a mature single man, and, if so, what is their prognosis? What types of relationships with a single man can result in the creation of a family?
There are many reasons for male loneliness. There are two groups of reasons why a man over 30 prefers to be alone. The first group is pathological, i.e. reasons associated with one or another negative personal deformation or pathology. The second group is reasons of an existential nature.
Among the pathological causes we highlight:
Inadequate self-esteem of a man;
- weak communication skills in contacts with other people;
- presence of social phobia;
- psychopathology;
- presence of codependency;
- infantilism.
Inadequate self-esteem of a man
Creating a close relationship with another person means being open to feedback about your talents and abilities. If a man is not ready to be assessed, or he initially understands that such an assessment may be low (and therefore painful for him), then he decides to leave the procedure for assessing his personality, understanding by it the formation of new relationships (refusing and from them). He is simply not ready to lower or increase inadequate self-esteem to an adequate level, which could happen with the participation of a loved one.
Weak communication skills in contact with other people
Often the basis of such personal immaturity is shyness, followed by trauma from early childhood or adolescence. Let me give you an example from my practice, when a 12-year-old boy decided to approach one of the girls standing in a group of others. This communicative act ended in tears for him; they laughed at him and humiliated him. 10 years after the story described, he came to see me with the problem of shyness when contacting girls.
Presence of social phobia
Here the causes of social dysfunction lie deeper. They may be associated, for example, with the early social development of the child, which was imposed on him by adults. For example, a child was sent to kindergarten when he was not psychologically ready for this, i.e. his communication development was a little delayed. This position of adults led to fear and deep psychological trauma. Already in the garden, such a boy preferred to play alone in a distant corner of the room, content with saving solitude.
Psychopathology
Psychopathologies such as autism, depression, alcoholism and schizophrenia are increasingly becoming the cause of withdrawal in men. For example, male loneliness may mask depression. For a long period of time, a man has a low mood, sad thoughts, attention is fixed mainly on negative events of the past, all perception of reality occurs mostly in gloomy tones. A person with depression sometimes greatly irritates those around him with his gloominess, and often does not find understanding with them and does not receive psychological support. Such a man scares away, others simply want to hide from him, moving further and further away.
Presence of codependency
For example, a young man’s strong emotional attachment to his mother. In such relationships, each participant contributes part of what he needs from the other to create his own psychological completeness and security. The attention of the subjects of codependency of each turns out to be focused on the personality of the other (and not on oneself). Codependent people try to establish control over each other, hoping that the other will behave exactly as he would like. Codependency is the result of developmental delay; it is directly related to education and the incompleteness of the stage of establishing psychological autonomy. Such a man has problems establishing personal boundaries. This personal deformation arises due to the incompleteness of solving one or more problems of personality development in early childhood.
Infancy
The essence of infantilism is that a man prefers to behave like a child, showing extreme selfishness and carelessness, negativism, and avoiding contact with reality. He spends a huge amount of time in games and entertainment, avoiding solving problems. Often these are people with a weak nervous system, prone to creative self-expression and a contemplative attitude towards the world around them. A person endowed with such interesting psychological characteristics cannot realize them in society in an appropriate way, being content with the role of a “child.” In an infantile person, creativity is replaced by useless childish fantasy, determination is transformed into grumpiness and the need to blame everyone for the fact that he cannot do anything in life, energy is spent not in the space of his favorite activity, but in empty pastime. In speech one hears a huge number of phrases and beliefs that have adult logic and vocabulary in form, but childish content.
A man does not see the logical basis and benefits of expressing his masculinity as a child; he is in an advantageous, waiting position that protects him from condemnation from the bisexual society.
Parents' inattention to the process of raising a boy, leaving the formation of his volitional, moral and motivational sphere of personality to chance - these are the conditions for the formation of infantilism. Satisfaction of a child's material needs does not always occur against the background of a lack of parental love. This feeling on the part of the family may even be too much, but upbringing is missing an important component regarding the formation of the social aspects of the boy’s personality. Therefore, with age, a man has too weak a will, he is a slave to his desires, he does not know how to give up them, sacrifice himself for someone or something, and against the backdrop of the benefits of being a child, the man refuses to become an adult.
Infantilism develops due to unmet needs in childhood, primarily associated with play activities. When a man’s childhood was gloomy, perhaps even traumatic, poor in bright and positive emotions, then in adulthood he strives to compensate for what was lost. Faced with something new, bright, unusual, the needs repressed into the unconscious become objectified and begin to lead a man’s life, turning off his will and common sense. Such a man carries an inferiority complex within himself, running away from it into useless activities.
These reasons often overlap. So a man can be infantile, while having inadequate self-esteem and low communication skills.
To form a relationship with a single man, it is important to differentiate personal underdevelopment and psychopathology. In the first case, communication can have a positive impact on a man (develop his personality, in terms of communication skills, strengthen confidence and self-esteem), while in the second case, persistence in showing attention and imposing communication can lead to uncontrollable negative consequences.
The existential reasons for male loneliness are more about how loneliness can be the norm, and about how loneliness can enrich the subject with something useful and valuable. Therefore, among others, we highlight the following reasons:
Male loneliness as an element of spiritual growth;
- loneliness as a type of subculture acceptable to the subject;
- loneliness, hiding behavior disapproved by society;
- loneliness as an element of personal self-sufficiency;
- loneliness as part of the subject’s profession.
Male loneliness as an element of spiritual growth
If earlier we said that male loneliness can be a component of personal deformation, underdevelopment of the individual, then in this case, on the contrary, we are dealing with the pinnacle of personal development.
To illustrate this type of male loneliness, let us give an example from the Christian (Orthodox) tradition - hermitism. This tradition is an ascetic renunciation of worldly life according to various beliefs with maximum limitation of social connections and removal to desert places. In Buddhism, Islam and other religious and mystical movements, there are similar practices of renouncing social contacts and depriving oneself of communication. Often hermitage is a saving escape from social danger (for example, let us remember the Old Believers hiding from persecution by the authorities), but still today this practice is associated with spiritual development.
It is interesting that the essence of hermitage is prayer (in Eastern spiritual practice - meditation); fasting - food restriction; silence. What’s interesting is that almost this entire list is included in the recommendations that psychologists and psychotherapists give to their clients in the context of personal development. The only thing is that silence is rather recommended in the form of verbal restraint, as the ability not to react immediately, but to think (to remain silent) and then respond.
Loneliness as a type of subculture acceptable to the subject
It is an established fact that loneliness in general is more developed in cities than in small towns. As a form of survival (maybe a form of protest), a certain community (or even a subculture) is formed that supports this form of life activity in men. An example is a closed men's club formed around a certain topic or idea - business, politics, sports, Cuban cigars, horses, or something else. Men come to such clubs, realizing the need to communicate with “serious people” on “serious topics.” They go there alone and leave alone, receiving confirmation of their own worth.
Loneliness hiding socially disapproved behavior
Two examples. In Russia, a single man can be a homosexual, who for everyone is a confirmed bachelor. He agrees with this role, because... Homosexuality in our society is still a condemned phenomenon. While in England, he will no longer be a loner, but a representative of Gay culture, where this way of contact with society is considered the norm. Another example from the world of crime. These are “thieves in law” who are not allowed by the rules of this subculture to start families for security reasons.
Loneliness as an element of personal self-sufficiency
Personal development has led a man to a certain harmony, when he simply does not need deep emotional experiences (but is not afraid of them, they are burdensome and meaningless for him). Or the subject’s personal profile suggests privacy. For example, introverts are more prone to loneliness than extroverts.
Loneliness as part of the subject's profession
We would be more eager to classify a man as a writer who lives alone on an island and writes books (true books) than a certain society lady who calls herself a writer and does not leave social gatherings. Why is that? Probably, there is something here from the above-mentioned tradition of hermitage, within the framework of which a person must gain some unprecedented revelations. Those. for his suffering associated with the refusal of the world and communication with it, he must receive something valuable, desired by us. This mystery creates the writer's charisma. Those. loneliness is a key component of a particular profession. Here we can name such professions as philosopher, artist, mathematician, psychotherapist, collector. We would rather classify the listed professions as male rather than female.
As a separate cause-phenomenon, which also affects the male community, dooming some of its members to loneliness, female self-sufficiency should be highlighted. Whether we want to put up with it or not, in modern society there are more and more women who can get by without men (we are not talking about lesbians here). They were there before, but before they were embarrassed by their loneliness, but now they don’t do this, but, on the contrary, declare themselves to be strong, often scaring off men with frankness and cynicism. Moreover, such a statement can not only sound in the submodalities of feminism. Not at all necessary. This could be a business woman who has “made herself”, achieved a certain level of prosperity, and quite reasonably asks the question - why do I need a weak man? In men, after contact with such women, due to the fact that our brain constantly generalizes, a conviction is born, an attitude that it is better to be single. They seem to become infected with these ideological attitudes.
How does male loneliness differ from female loneliness? Male loneliness (and in this case we are talking about loneliness, which is based on existential reasons) often comes from a volitional decision, and female loneliness from agreement with fate. Words such as “will” and “free” resonate very much, the latter suggesting freedom. Those. in order to gain freedom, you need to make a certain volitional effort, show will, do an act, become a hero. Therefore, a man is more often perceived as a person who can commit a volitional act, and therefore become free.
Men have reasons to be lonely, and women have reasons to end their loneliness. Women often think about the issue of marriage, because... they are planning to have children (they just have to have time to do this for physiological reasons). A woman who has given birth is an accomplished woman - in the broad sense. A single man is a desirable man.
Today on the forefront you can observe a female neurosis, which I can call - “Why am I not married yet.” A woman is afraid of being unmarried, and this gives rise to neurotic activity. When she gets married, this neurosis transforms into wild jealousy, which can destroy the relationship. Perhaps this comes from the fact that in her childhood she did not receive enough care and warmth from her father, who sought to survive in the conditions of the collapse of the USSR and the construction of a new state. Having received less paternal care, this grown-up girl acquired neurosis. Such neurosis is more likely to lead to the crown of a lonely man, whose loneliness is based on psychopathological reasons rather than existential ones. Women obsessed with neurosis begin to feel sorry for such a man, and then “save” him from the injustice of his mother, alcohol, drugs, and other misfortunes. In this way they create codependency. They do not realize that a man remains lonely in such a relationship, saddening such a woman for trying to create the illusion of her happiness (family happiness - for a less selfish woman) against the backdrop of the man’s personal tragedy. In his unconscious there will always be an image of a little boy stretching out his childish hand to his neurotic, cold mother who does not accept his love.
Does it make sense to form a relationship with a mature single man, and if so, what is its prognosis? To answer the question, you need to know the reasons for a person’s loneliness. But the difficulty in resolving this issue is that if these causes are pathological, then most likely they can be hidden and psychologically protected.
What types of relationships with a self-sufficient man can result in the creation of a family? Actually, the very model of relationships stems from the type of loneliness of a man, as well as from the desire of a woman to share such loneliness. For example, a Russian pop star marries a gay man, which creates an image in the eyes of the public of a desirable woman, but can be a scandalous woman if the age difference is more than 20 years. Here, the relationship forecast depends on how long the participants in such a union will receive dividends. What could be an ideal model of marriage with a single man over 30 years old? Keeping in mind that there are no ideal models, let’s try to describe such a model. Consider a man who has found existential loneliness as a valuable component of his life. And also a woman who is free from the neurosis “Why am I not married yet?” For in other cases, such subjects of relationships, before forming relationships, should undergo personal and family psychotherapy.
A healthy model of any relationship can only be born from the contact of two people with a mature, self-sufficient personality, which creates the preconditions for respect and understanding of each other. When a man is psychologically mature, he needs relationships that will enhance his personality, preserving what he has acquired himself, which is valuable to him. Sometimes women awkwardly begin to criticize or somehow respond to what a man has achieved. It is better to rely on this, to defend his achievements, among which loneliness is a strong-willed desire for freedom. This will make it clear to the man that they are not trying to take away his freedom (which, as we wrote, is based on the strong-willed message to go into loneliness). Around a new relationship, he may develop a new motive, which will become a reason for concluding an agreement (creating a family). But at the same time, a man should not be allowed to be selfish. It is important that the logic of the development of the relationship process leads him to understand that he can not only receive in this relationship, but also give. And when he gives, his self-sufficient essence will begin to develop even more and faster, gradually transforming into a relationship of cooperation and support, opening up new horizons for the development of a man’s soul.
Sincerely yours, Pavel Ponomarev
© P. P. Ponomarev, 2010
© Published with the kind permission of the author
