Raising teenagers: common mistakes parents make and how to avoid them. How to raise a teenager: problems, difficulties and ways to solve them. Advice from psychologists and recommendations from teachers The teenager is brought up strictly

Practical advice for parents in raising teenagers

Transitional age

Description: I bring to your attention practical advice for parents on raising teenagers.
Purpose: The tips are intended for parents, and may also be of interest to teachers, psychologists, teenagers, and anyone who works with children.
Target: providing assistance in raising adolescents during the transition period.
Tasks:
1. Show parents how to solve the problems of adolescence.
2. Make it clear to parents that they need to love and appreciate them, even as prickly as they are now.

How and when does a child become a teenager, a teenager become a young man, and a young man become an adult? This does not happen overnight, and often age-related changes are imperceptible to us: just yesterday our children were small, they needed our care and guardianship, and today they declare their adulthood, demand independence and autonomy. This age is called differently: “difficult”, “transitional”, “crisis”. It really differs sharply from other stages of a child’s life. Adolescence is a time of intense but uneven development.

Here are the statistics you need to know.

Adolescence is characterized by a high level of anxiety, preoccupation and dissatisfaction with one’s appearance.
During this period of life, children consider physical characteristics to be their least favorite character traits.
30% of boys and 20% of girls aged 11-13 years old experience anxiety about their height.
60% of girls aged 11-13 years worry about being overweight. In reality, only 16% of this number are overweight.
Boys and girls who reach physical maturity earlier than others have a higher social status in the children's team.
Girls whose physical maturation is delayed often suffer from low self-esteem among their peers and end up in a group of isolated children.
According to statistics, the experience of girls' first love is 11 years old - 60%.
During this period of time, girls strive more for personal freedom and independence. Starting from the age of 11, the conflict level of adolescents increases.
Most children during this period of time move away from their parents, preferring a group of peers.

A reminder about raising teenagers.

1. Do not give up on a teenager, because his heightened pride and social position are the result of a “difficult age”.
2. Love your teenager and accept him as he is - with all his strengths and weaknesses.
3. Lean on the best in a teenager, believe in his capabilities.
4. Strive to understand the teenager, look into his thoughts and feelings, put yourself in his place.
5. Create conditions for the success of a teenage child, give him the opportunity to feel strong, skillful, and lucky.
6. Don't compare your teenager with other children. Remember that every child is unique and inimitable.
7. Do not humiliate or insult a teenager (especially in the presence of peers).
8. Be self-critical, principled, try to strengthen the teenager’s confidence so much that he shares with you his possible troubles and experiences.
9. Be tolerant of other people's opinions. We need to come to an agreement somehow.
10. Remember: they, your children, have formed their own rules of behavior - they do not want to live by yours.
Find a compromise.
11. Just think about yourself. You are wrong when you sought to create your teenager in your own image and likeness. You suppressed his personality, his individuality.
12. Stop lecturing your children. Teenagers are especially intolerant of them.
13. And also see if you yourself live by the principles that you proclaim. Children see this very well.
14. Don't take away your children's desire to live their own lives. Otherwise it will just be boring in your family.
15. Let’s help teenagers get through the period of “rejection” from their parents in a normal, natural way.
Let’s accept the fact that for now it’s more important for them how their peers treat him, not their parents and teachers.

Good luck to you in your difficult task - raising your children.

Why is raising today's teenagers so difficult? After all, we ourselves were once like that and already have an idea of the period in which they are located. Even if there is enough effort and understanding on the part of the parents, the teenage children themselves take everything with hostility and rush to disappear to their friends. If you are tired of dealing with your child's disobedience and disrespect, then this article will help you establish contact and provide general recommendations for raising teenagers.

Once upon a time, we were also teenagers and we remember very well how we sometimes lost control so as not to insert our “two cents” against our parents’ word. But time is inexorable, and when our time has come to “babysit” adult children, many methods of raising teenagers are no longer effective. This section contains valuable tips to help renew the trusting relationship between you and your children.

Let's face it, we have to reap what we sow. If we had built a trusting relationship between us and our children in early childhood and had not allowed this relationship to break down, then perhaps even in adolescence our children would be grateful for our advice. But, given his tender age, this cannot be said for sure. This is why almost every parent has a blitz round of pointed questions and answers.

Raising teenage children should not be forced. If you feel the need to educate him, but you are sorely short of time, then it is better to postpone this conversation until some family trip, where you will be disposed to talk calmly, without blaming the child for taking up a lot of your time.
Speak calmly and do not respond to the teenager’s attacks in kind. You must understand his condition and cannot demand unquestioning obedience from him. There is practically an adult sitting in front of you, and you need to talk to him accordingly, making allowances for a difficult period.
Under no circumstances should you blame your teenager for anything. Children are very vulnerable at this age, so all your reproaches can become a reason for his complexes, which he does not need.
Don't fight with your child. Your dialogue should not resemble a minefield where either he will listen to you, or there is no other way. Give him the right to choose, and if he wants to disobey, accept it.
Do not include relatives in your dialogue with your child, otherwise your child will completely stop trusting you. Talk to him as an equal. Forbid meddling in the upbringing of great-great-aunts. Don't complain about your child, this method will only destroy the contact you already have.

Problems of raising teenagers

Why is raising teenagers so hard? When communicating with them, you need to take into account some facts; not knowing them or deliberately not paying attention to them, you will only aggravate the situation. This article lists the most popular reasons that provoke your child to behave this way:

Adolescence is the stage of formation of a child as a person. At this time, the formation of his internal qualities, principles, and prevailing character traits occurs, and there is also a full awareness of his honor and dignity.
At this age, it seems to a teenager that the world is unfair to him, so any claims, accusations or undeserved bias can cause an internal conflict in the teenager between those qualities to which he is devoted and what you demand of him.
During this period, the child undergoes not only moral formation of personality, but also hormonal physiological development, so excessive emotionality has a good reason.

Hormones tend to accumulate in advance; it’s another matter during adolescence, when a child simply needs a large amount of the hormone for physiological development. When the body understands that a release of one or another hormone is needed (it cannot be accumulated in the body for a long time), it provokes artificial stress to release it. Thus, any little thing can throw a teenager out of an emotionally stable balance.

The reason for the same hormones, and vice versa, can be falling in love, because we all know very well how intensely teenagers can experience this bright feeling. First love is never forgotten, because it is the strongest, as teenage books and TV series say. And this is understandable, with such a concentration of the hormone in the blood you can compete even with the heroes of the film “Titanic”.

Finally, adolescence is a period of rebellion. Internal protest yearns for its revolutionary manifestation. They need to defend their inner principles. They need conflict to show everyone and themselves that their own standards are unshakable and they cannot be broken as an individual.

Gender education for teenagers

Parents' upbringing of teenagers should primarily be based on the child's gender. This method of education has nothing to do with double standards and, in no case, chauvinism. You need to understand that different sexes have their own characteristics and should not be let down. In this section you can find tips on raising teenagers - both boys and girls:

Let's start with raising a teenage girl. The subtleties of a beautiful nature are already known to everyone. They are very vulnerable, suspicious and experience everything a hundred times more intensely. Against the backdrop of internal experiences, their body is also formed, and they experience hormonal and physical changes typical for their age.

This period of a teenage girl needs to be treated with the necessary understanding, to be as attentive and compliant as possible to some new features of her character and impulses that, perhaps, were not characteristic of her before.
During such periods, the best adviser for a girl will be none other than her mother. Speak calmly, without accusations or moralizing. If the girl does not make contact, then try to build a foundation for this conversation: for some time, take an interest in her affairs and achievements every day, praise her, carefully ask how she spends time with her friends.
Remember that your task is to get her to talk, and not to find out in the best manner of an investigator. Slowly rebuilding the broken bridge, you yourself will one day be surprised when she takes the initiative to tell you everything on her own, and if you are wise enough not to blame, but to guide your daughter, then she will change her attitude towards your advice to a positive one.
The subtleties of raising a teenage boy lie in his revolutionary and rebellious nature. Once you accuse him of anything, you risk getting on the blacklist, where he writes down all the offenders who, in his opinion, treated him unfairly.
The difficulty in raising boys is that they are stubborn and independent enough to listen to the moral teachings of adults. Be prepared for the fact that they have activities that you are not too accepting of, but you must give them their own choice, which can only come if they independently realize the mistake.
You have to be there and support your son - that's all you can do as a parent. If you force him into dialogue or find out the circumstances of his yesterday's entertainment, you will run into another conflict and completely lose contact with your son.

Speak to him calmly and gently. Don't break his will. If he wants to run away from the conversation and lock himself in his room, then give him this opportunity. You shouldn’t break down the door and shout something like “We haven’t finished yet!” with foam at the mouth.
Don't go through your son's things. This will only create distrust in you. Be sure that if your child wants to hide something, he will do it well. Live with it however you want. Your deductive method will have no effect on your child's secret passions.

There must be discipline in your home. It's better if it was there in the first place. If not, introduce your child to the new rules of your home. You yourself must follow them unquestioningly. Therefore, think carefully before writing down 101 points.
This method is effective not only for teenage boys, but especially for them. The list of rules may contain an item, for example: “Be home no later than 23.00.” You can make amendments, for example, he can ask for time off. But! If your child arrived half an hour late and did not consider it necessary to warn you about this, you must give him a punishment.

Raising teenagers at school

Do not forget that your child, in addition to you, is also raised by society. For example, school. This is the place where the child spends a significant part of his life, so he draws a lot from there. At school you can express yourself, choose an activity to your liking, and also receive very valuable advice.

You shouldn’t rely too much on school to help raise your child. The established concepts of school as the cradle of worthy and honest people have long been outdated and are no longer effective.
The school now has a fairly commercial relationship with the work that can be done. And that's okay! It would be strange to blame a school canteen cook for a child’s obesity, just as it would be strange to blame a teacher for a student’s bad behavior. You are his parent, and only you are responsible for him.
When the curses called “the school should” or “the school is to blame” have subsided, we can talk about the benefits of school education for teenage children. For example, a huge plus is that the educational institution has a school psychologist who is always ready to receive a child in his office.
School psychologists also conduct surveys, both anonymous and public, which allows them to turn their attention to a particular student or take control of a particular problem. You will be notified if your child is registered with the school psychologist.
The school also holds educational hours before/after or instead of any lesson. Often such events are on the schedule or can be held instead of a class hour. They show children films about the dangers of smoking, alcohol, drugs, and early sexual intercourse; invite health workers and doctors for consultations on certain diseases and infections that they can contract due to a certain lifestyle.

Schoolchildren are often frightened by such revelations of reality, so they quickly draw the right conclusions. As practice shows, the modern generation is more liberated. All the children, without hesitation, eagerly ask questions to the specialists and even take notes on some information. The development and upbringing of teenagers is not forced, so they easily surrender to new useful knowledge without protesting.
The school also provides sex education to teenagers, which makes it a lot easier for you as a parent. True, such lessons begin to be taught to children from the 9th grade, when they already know almost everything, a significant percentage have already had intimate foreplay, and some peers have even managed to become young parents. Therefore, it is recommended to conduct the moral education of a teenager a little earlier than the school does.

Raising Troubled Teens

If contact between parent and child was lost long before the onset of adolescence, then general recommendations and advice become useless in the fight for a bright future for the child, but this is far from a reason to fold your hands on your knees and watch how the child independently ruins his life. We will talk about raising difficult teenagers, when parents need to decide on radical measures:

Sometimes there comes a time when books about raising teenagers become out of place. The child becomes aggressive, caustic to remarks, quick-tempered, and sometimes at such a young and promising age already has problems with law enforcement agencies. Here you need to take urgent measures, which are very difficult for many parents to decide on.
The first thing to do is take your child to a psychologist. Exactly. Agree that you are no longer able to change anything and give way to certified specialists. It would also be a good idea for you to consult with an expert in your field in raising your child.
Remember that it is better to go to a psychologist once than to visit your child in prison for the rest of his life. These are mandatory measures, because the child in the future may pose a danger both to others and to himself.
Troubled teenagers often include boys, so another excellent solution would be to send your child to places of increased discipline, for example, to the Suvorov School.
There are also such institutions for girls, similar to the Soviet school for noble maidens. They are paid and expensive, but sometimes this is the only effective way out of the current situation. For girls there are lessons in femininity, manners, moral education and etiquette. This is a very useful experience that will certainly be useful to them in the future.
You should not feel sorry for the child, there he will be given the choice of being a worthy person or living his life wandering aimlessly.

Adolescence is a very difficult period for raising a child. Especially if you try to build a relationship with him that never existed. Then your method of education is doomed to sink to the bottom. If your child does not make contact, this is a reason to think about it. Define your role in this. You are a parent and can always support and give valuable advice to your child, but do not forget that there must be discipline in the house, and disobedience will result in punishment. And your child should know this.

Video: “How to protect a child from the influence of other people’s children? A bad influence on a teenager. Advice from Dmitry Karpachev"

Raising a boy is a complex process that requires parents to show tact, care and rigor at the same time. Children grow up quickly, and yesterday’s baby, who happily told his mother about his hobbies and victories, suddenly, unnoticed by adults, turns into a withdrawn, rude teenager with his own interests and passions.

How to raise a teenage boy at the age of 14 so that he grows up to be a real man, capable of accounting for his actions and being responsible for his actions? How to remain an unquestioned authority in the eyes of a child and at the same time become his best friend? How many of these “how”s are there, to which parents cannot always find an answer and, in despair, rush from one extreme to another, punishing or allowing their son everything!

Let's try to understand all the intricacies of the psychology and physiology of boys during this difficult period in order to survive it as painlessly and with dignity as possible together with your child.

Important changes

To understand how to properly raise a teenage boy, you need to know what changes occur physiologically and psychologically with children at this age.

By the age of 14, boys complete the formation of secondary sexual characteristics. They are increasingly
wet dreams begin to occur. The voice becomes rougher, body hair begins to grow, and some guys develop facial hair. The amount of testosterone reaches its maximum: it increases by 700-900%!

With such physical changes, it is quite natural for psychological changes to occur. Boys become anxious, irritable and distracted. The processes that occur in the body are not always clear to the child and worry him. Changes in appearance are often perceived negatively and bring many complexes.

At the same time, the boy begins to feel like an adult. He still doesn’t quite understand what it is and what to do with it, but the feeling that it’s time to change something doesn’t leave him. Aggression when defending one’s point of view is precisely the desire to prove that he is no longer a small person, but an adult whose opinion must be taken into account.

The less trust and understanding there was between parents and a boy before adolescence, the more likely it is that he will begin to seek support from his peers at age fourteen.

A feeling of hopelessness and misunderstanding on the part of adults, attempts to prove importance to himself and others often push a boy to rash actions that are fraught with serious consequences.

Family and relationships in it

In this difficult time, it depends only on the parents how the teenager will be able to adapt to the new state, survive changes and enter a new level of development. At the same time, it is important to understand that the methods that adults used to raise a small child are completely unsuitable for a teenager. Parents need to change their minds in time and learn to hear and understand their son.

In addition, the character of a fourteen-year-old boy has already been practically formed under the influence of school, friends, social environment and, of course, parents.

Even if family relationships were good, a boy at this age still needs to establish himself among his peers. At this time, he needs his father's support more than ever.

Adult men often make the mistake of trying to impose their vision of the world on their son.

Let's give an example.

The father believes that the boy should be courageous and strong; his peers should not only respect him, but also be afraid of him. But his son is soft, he doesn’t want to defend his rightness with his fists, and he likes dancing more than boxing.

The father is sure that he raised a “weakling”, and at every successful opportunity he reminds his son that he thinks about him. Despite his own preferences, the boy really wants to earn his dad's approval, and by adolescence he begins to unconsciously look for a company of peers that will help him become what his father wants him to be. Crimes, aggression, bad habits will become obligatory companions of this period. After all, the son doesn’t know how else he can become an adult and courageous, the way his dad wants him to be.

The other extreme in the improper upbringing of boys of this age is the complete indifference of parents to the fate of their son and permissiveness. The boy feels lonely, unwanted. He either withdraws into himself or shows aggression, trying to attract attention to himself.

Therefore, it is very important for parents at this time to choose the right position based on trust and support for their growing son. The time has come to recognize his right to his own opinion and conscious actions, and also to replace the word “education” with “cooperation”.

Communication with peers

A teenage boy is increasingly drawn to his peers. He sees an opportunity to assert himself only in the company of friends. Everything is important to him now: how they will think of him, what they will say and how his friends will react to his actions. Moreover, he feels confident among “equals”: his friends have the same problems and, most importantly, they understand the teenager. At least that's what he thinks.

It is very important for parents to unobtrusively control who their son communicates with and when. At the same time, under no circumstances should you speak negatively about your friends in front of your child: this will only lead to the teenager withdrawing into himself and stopping talking about his company.

Control and trust are a difficult combination, but they are necessary in the process of raising a boy. The fact is that for a teenager, as we have already said, the opinion of peers is very important. Therefore, he will try in every possible way to gain authority in their eyes. It’s good if a guy has his own opinion and is able to express it in the company. But more often than not, the boy will adapt to the rules of his community, trying to look like an adult.

A teenager may start trying cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs not because he wants vivid sensations, but because his friends think it’s “cool.”

In addition, in such teenage groups there is a clear division of roles. It’s good if your son is among the “respected and authoritative guys.” If the boy is unlucky, and the company considers him a “six” and hones his wit and often his power moves on him, it is very important to support his son, help and guide him along the right path. Not only will he try with all his might to gain authority (and since he did not succeed in this in the usual ways, criminal “exploits” may be used), adults need to, if possible, protect the boy from bullying and ridicule.

Search for authority

Any boy at the age of fourteen will be looking for someone to look up to. It may seem strange, but parents can choose such a person for their son themselves. Moreover, with the right approach, the teenager will not even guess who contributed to such a necessary acquaintance for him.

A football coach, a gym instructor, the head of a tourism group, a close family friend who was able to independently achieve success in business - this list can be listed endlessly. Believe me, your son will listen with trepidation to the advice of these people if they are given on a friendly note.

Of course, this does not mean that you just point your finger at the right person and tell your son that from now on he must imitate him. Getting to know an authoritative person should begin gradually, with stories about the man’s merits and merits. It is important that the boy himself feels the need to communicate and reaches out to an adult. And then you can be sure that the life values of an adult will gradually pass on to the teenager.

It may seem strange that the search for authority should be sought outside. Indeed, in many families, fathers sincerely want to take part in the upbringing process and worry about their son no less than the mother. However, the specifics of age require confirmation of the truths that were instilled in the guy from childhood. It is important for him to figure out whether his parents’ statements were correct and whether they can be used in his own life.

Your son needs a friend, an adult companion who does not consider him a child and is able to talk to him as an equal.

Of course, no one can give unambiguous recommendations on how to raise a teenager correctly. Not even the most titled professor of pedagogy and psychology can answer your troubling questions about a guy’s growing up. He can’t for one reason: it’s your son, and only you, the people who
gave him life, you know all the boy’s advantages and disadvantages. Based on the characteristics of your son’s character and temperament, you should use general recommendations not in their “pure” form, as they are presented in the sources, but in the way they are acceptable for your child.

Education begins from early childhood, and not from the age of fourteen: by this time the guy’s character is practically formed;
Prepare the boy for the changes that will occur in his body in advance: have confidential conversations on the topic of puberty and communication with peers;
Show by your own example of family life what the relationship between a man and a woman should be like;
Don’t “stifle” your son with excessive care; give him the opportunity to make his own decisions:
Respect his choice, be it a hairstyle, a friend or a hobby;
Let the boy feel like a man: trust him with responsible housework, consult on important family issues;
Find a worthy example for your son that he can imitate;
Be proud of the guy’s achievements, support him during failures;
Become a friend for the boy: let him feel that his parents are nearby in any situation;
Never insult your son! Humiliation will only lead to alienation and a growing chasm of misunderstanding;
Love a growing man the way only parents can do: sincerely and selflessly;
Don't forget to tell your son about your love. Believe me, your prickly “hedgehog” still really wants to hear words of tenderness and feel your hugs.

Raising a teenager correctly is not easy. But thousands of families have successfully completed this task. And you can do it too. Be patient, show love and understanding, and in a few years you will look with pride at your son, who will definitely become a real man.

The child seems to be not yet an adult, but no longer a baby: you won’t understand what to say, how to educate, what to prohibit and what to allow. General rules for raising teenagers, of course, exist, but, in general, everyone already knows about them: until now, it’s unlikely that you believed that a teenager needs to be taught wisdom with a belt and shouting, constantly reminding him that he is still has achieved nothing and is unlikely to achieve anything worthwhile in the future.

Methods of raising boys and girls who have entered adolescence are radically different. We figured out how to properly educate both of them.

Teenager - boy

It is difficult to overestimate the importance of proper upbringing for a teenage boy: the absence of it can be observed by observing men who, at 30 and 40 years old, remain infantile and sometimes even at that age depend on their mother. We doubt that you wish exactly such a fate for your child.

You cannot forget about the notorious “a man should”, no matter how wild it may seem to you: certain norms of behavior and morality that are more characteristic of men than women need to be instilled. Otherwise, by the age of 15-17, you risk getting a child who seriously believes, for example, that it is not necessary to work, since his parents will not let him go to waste, and that he can beat girls whenever he pleases.

If a boy is still attached to his mother until he is seven or eight years old, then after a couple of years the father becomes the unquestioned authority for him: the mother’s opinion is also taken into account, but it seems to move to a different plane. It is difficult, and sometimes almost impossible, to consult with a mother on “male” issues.

If the boy does not have a father, make sure that there is still a man in his life whom he would consider significant, with whom he could consult and pour out his soul when it is necessary to conduct a so-called “male” conversation. This could be his grandfather, uncle, older brother, your friend or acquaintance: do not neglect such mentoring and try to find such a person for the teenager.

This, of course, does not mean that the entire upbringing of a teenage boy should be left to another person: if you do this, do not be surprised that in the future it will be difficult and awkward for your son to communicate with you.

Teenager - girl

If your teenager is a girl, you will also have to face difficulties. It is unlikely, of course, that your beauty will come back with bruises every other day, as happens with boys who love to fight: difficulties of a different kind await you.

A gradually changing appearance worries a teenage girl almost always: few people remain satisfied with their appearance in adolescence. Even if you understand that some changes have not been beneficial at all (for example, the girl has gained weight or her skin has deteriorated), you should not inform your teenager about this every day: believe me, she knows how to use a mirror without you.

Instead of criticizing an already rebellious teenager, support her and, if necessary, help: suggest a great cosmetologist who will help deal with problem skin, get her used to sports (however, this is necessary in any case).

The teenage girl's friends and boyfriend deserve special attention. Even if you don’t like them, or it seems to you that they can harm your daughter, there is no need for categorical prohibitions: this way you will completely lose the girl’s trust and definitely won’t learn anything more. It is almost impossible to prevent a teenager from communicating with someone: even if you walk your daughter by the hand to school and back, she will find a way to exchange a few words with those who are dear to her. If you don't like your daughter's environment, talk about it, making it clear that you see your daughter as an adult who is capable of making the right decisions.

Raising your own children is a very exciting and interesting process, but at the same time difficult and responsible: almost any mistake you make can cause irreparable harm to your child and lead to complexes in the future.

However, you cannot insure yourself against all mistakes: we have previously talked about two mistakes in raising children that absolutely all parents make - it is unlikely that you will be able to avoid these mistakes.

Tell us what you think about this: what other principles, in your opinion, exist for raising teenagers, what else should we definitely pay attention to?

Adolescence is one of the most interesting and difficult periods in personality development. It is difficult both for the teenager himself and for his parents. Perhaps even more so for parents, since they have to not only accept the child’s metamorphoses, but also help him overcome their negative influence, as well as rebuild the nature of his relationships with the outside world.

The problem for parents is that they have forgotten that they were also once at this age and may have experienced similar problems and that they do not try to understand their grown child.

Transitional age

Adolescence is divided into three stages:
Early adolescence: from 10-11 to 14 years of age
Average: from 14 to 16-17 years
Late: from 16-17 years to adulthood

Adolescence is the time of puberty with the final formation of secondary sexual characteristics. For different teenagers, this period may begin at different times. Girls usually reach adolescence a little earlier than boys. Basically, transitional age begins at 11-12-13 years. At this time, many girls begin menstruation, and boys begin to ejaculate. The child experiences sudden changes in mood, irritability, anxiety, stubbornness, he wants to spend more time among his peers, there may be difficulties in studying, etc. Parents should definitely take these natural physical and psychological changes into account. Various conflict situations may occur much more often than before and your child may experience them more strongly than before. If parents begin to contribute to the emergence of a conflict, often reproach the child, and show their dissatisfaction, this will only worsen the situation.

It has been noted that adolescence is more difficult for only children in the family. This age period is difficult for both parents and children, but no one can say exactly how difficult it will be for you specifically. If you do not show proper patience, the child may develop neurosis. As a rule, by the age of 15 the situation improves.

The difficult task of raising teenagers is to love and appreciate them, even as prickly as they are now.

Raising teenagers is perhaps the most difficult task parents will face. Features of adolescence: a growing desire for independence, a sense of adulthood, a desire for independence and self-expression, the advantage of the authority of peers over the authority of adults - force adolescents to rebel against literally everything. Naturally, it is not easy for parents, who until recently were the main ones in the lives of their children, to accept such changes.

Difficulties in raising a teenager

From 11 to 18 years old, they become boys and girls. Changes occur in the physical and mental state of a teenager that require great patience and understanding of those around them and loved ones.

A teenager is characterized by a critical perception of reality.
New idols appear in his life.
A teenager's mood often changes.
Financial requirements are increasing.
Your opinion appears in assessing your partner and in matters of choosing a profession.

In extreme cases, a morbid craving for drugs, anorexia, or a tendency to criminal activity may occur.

Do all teenagers have problems raising them?

What difficulties a teenager will encounter during puberty depends on many factors: character, temperament, relationship with parents, etc. If from childhood the relationship between the child and the parents was close and trusting, then it is easier for the parents to maintain them during the difficult teenage period. The more democratic the parents' relationship with their child, the more likely it is that he will not reject them or move away. Parents who try to convince their child from childhood that they are perfect and worthy of emulation are likely to be mercilessly toppled from the pedestal they themselves created. The teenager begins to openly conflict with his mother or father, discuss their parenting style, often without avoiding harsh criticism. He gains a sense of his own strength and importance.

How to solve teenage problems?

Parents need to be patient, loving and convince the teenager that he can always count on their help and support. You should not be offended by your child if he begins to trust a stranger more, tries to imitate him and follow his example. The fact is that a child’s connection with his father and mother is always much more complicated from an emotional point of view than relationships with other people. Of course, puberty is a temporary phenomenon, but you need to take it seriously and try to understand your child. Otherwise, the teenager will feel lonely and unwanted. The consequences of such experiences can lead to suicide in a teenager. Therefore, if a child threatens suicide, under no circumstances should you ignore such conversations, much less laugh. You need to watch him carefully. Perhaps he is truly disillusioned with life and feels very unhappy. Since parents usually consider their methods of raising a teenager to be correct, unexpected criticism from a child unsettles them. It seems to them that their child is ungrateful and wrong. Still, you must try to accept criticism in any form without interrupting the conversation with an emotional teenager. It is very important to be patient and try to calmly express your opinion, then the children may be able to understand the parents, their position and even agree with it.

Parents should not force their opinions on their children. Young people must make their own decisions and choices; parents can only help them.

During puberty, a teenager may experience serious problems, for example, difficulties in communication, abuse of alcohol, drugs, etc. If parents feel that their children are in real danger and no amount of talking helps, they should contact an adolescent psychiatrist, psychologist or school psychologist.

Peculiarities of adolescent development

In the process of raising a teenager, parents can be wary of many things - parents begin to worry. But there is no need to be afraid of ordinary things that are normal development of a teenager (both physiological and mental):

Physiological development of a teenager

Puberty: in girls - the beginning of menstruation, in boys - wet dreams.
Rapid growth and noticeable external changes: in girls - female body shapes, in boys - beard growth, voice mutation.

Mental development of a teenager

A state of anxiety and a thirst for new experiences.
Awareness of self-worth and desire for self-affirmation.
Search for role models.
The emergence of new friends, a critical attitude towards adults.
Frequent mood changes.
Excessive sensitivity.
Daydreaming.
The desire to start a relationship with the opposite sex.
Excessive independence in decision making.

How to raise a teenager

During adolescence, children progress very much. There will certainly be many crises to overcome, but ultimately your child will emerge as an independent, responsible, outgoing young adult.

So, we recommend that you remember the motto of many parents of teenagers: We get through this together, and we will get out of this - together! This principle can be deciphered. Actually, this article is like a map that you can use to navigate when raising a teenager.

Self-preparation

Don't leave it to chance. Parents who know what to expect cope much better. And the more you know, the easier it will be for you.

Here's what can really help:

Explore online resources and books about teenagers.

Think back to your own teenage years. Remember how you struggled with acne, communicated with your peers, and perceived your puberty.

Expect changes in your child's mood. Be prepared for possible conflicts, because the child is trying to become an adult.

Preparing your child

It's better to start talking about upcoming changes in advance. For example, talking about menstruation after it has already begun is not very relevant. Children are concerned about the differences between boys and girls, where they come from, and so on. Don't overload them with unnecessary information - just answer questions.

Well, what can I say - you know your child. When you notice that your child begins to make jokes about gender or when attention to secondary sexual characteristics increases. This is a good time to jump in with your own questions, such as:
Do you notice any changes in your body?
Do you have any strange feelings?
Do you sometimes feel a sense of unreasonable sadness?

An annual doctor's visit is also a good time to bring up these issues. The doctor can tell your pre-teen child - and you - what to expect over the next few years. A visit to the doctor can be the starting point for a good discussion about maturation.

Keep in mind that the longer you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child will form misconceptions or become confused or afraid of the physical and emotional changes.

Additionally, the earlier you open the lines of communication, the better chance you have of keeping them open throughout adolescence. Give your child your children's books on puberty written for children going through it. Share memories of your own youth. There's nothing better than knowing mom or dad went through it.

Try to help your child, but do it casually.

How to talk to teenagers?

Of course, communicating with teenagers is not easy. But giving up and simply trying to communicate less, for fear of rudeness and mistrust, is much worse. Conversations are one of the methods when the education process can take place unobtrusively but effectively.

First of all, remember that in the conversation you should not touch (from a critical side) the child’s appearance: hair dyed for the tenth time, torn jeans and other things that children of this age are extremely sensitive to. This is their style, a means of self-expression, and nothing can be done about it yet. There are more important and interesting topics for conversation.

Do you want to talk? Cheat. Start a conversation casually, on the road, in the car, while preparing dinner. This way you will avoid the natural wariness that is caused by seriously spoken phrases like: “We need to talk seriously.” Do not put pressure on the teenager, speak softly and kindly. If maintaining trust is truly important to you, don't lecture. It’s better to try to think together about a topic that worries you in the future tense: “What if...?” Education is not about issuing ready-made options for behavior and reactions. Invite your child to think and find options for action in certain situations on their own, tell something from your personal experience.

Respect each other. But be firm on those points that you consider important, which relate to the health and safety of the child. Never try to prove something to a teenager if you see that he is angry, tired or simply not ready to calmly discuss the problem. Give him the opportunity to cool down and come to his senses. Don't raise your voice yourself. It is fair to demand respect for yourself if you yourself treat the teenager with respect and warmth.

What else should parents remember?

What matters is the amount of effort and time that parents spend on education. Extremes, as in any matter, are unnecessary here. Situations when a child becomes the only meaning of life, or vice versa, when serious problems are taken over for his upbringing, as a rule, do not contribute to the formation of a responsible harmonious personality.

For parents who are responsible for raising teenagers, it is important to be adequate, flexible and capable of accepting and predicting the development of events.

They must see and understand the characteristics of adolescence in their child, feel the changes taking place in his soul.

At the same time, the upbringing of adolescents should be adjusted to their individual maturation, adapt to changes in the family and its environment. Parents must accept the existence of other points of view, perhaps different from their own.

And it is important to remember that labeling any children: “hooligan”, “bandit”, “lazy” - does not have the expected beneficial effect, but has a completely opposite effect. Hooligan? Okay, I’ll be a bully!.. And gradually the child loses confidence in his own abilities to correct himself and begins to confirm all the words said about him.

At first glance, it may seem that all the features of adolescence contribute to the child’s alienation from the family, but this is only at first glance. Adolescents have a very strong need for emotional contact and confidential close communication with their parents. The emotional background of the family is very important. An atmosphere of love and mutual respect will help you overcome many difficulties and depression. Don’t hide your feelings, often tell your recently very little children, and now teenagers, how much you love and appreciate them, even as prickly as they are. And they will definitely reciprocate your feelings.

Raising Teens

The age from 14 to 16 years is considered the most difficult in raising children, as this is the period of puberty when hormonal, psychological, and social problems come together. The teenage period is difficult not only for parents, but also for teenagers themselves. The task of parents is to make it as easy as possible for their child to go through this difficult but necessary stage of growing up.

This must be done tactfully and respectfully; it is in adolescence that children begin to take drugs, leave home, join extremist groups, and join sects. Behind every such “outburst” there is a child who did not find understanding at home among the closest people.

The first thing parents need to pay attention to and take this into account when communicating with teenagers is that hormonal changes produce most teenage problems. Rapid growth, changes in the body, almost obligatory dystonia lead to mood swings, increased temperature, irritability, causeless tears, lethargy, and increased appetite. These manifestations will go away on their own as soon as active growth ends, by the age of 18-19.

The second is psychological changes. The child constantly rejects everything that his parents offer him, and actively accepts everything that his friends and musical idols offer him. Moreover, this concerns everything: from the choice of clothing style and musical preferences to the nature of nutrition, slang, gait and life aspirations. Parents should take into account that if a teenager wants to go to the cinema or bowling, but his parents offered him such leisure, the teenager will refuse. Even if he really wants to, he dreamed of watching a movie, and then he will worry, cry, but won’t go.

This is necessary for the teenager himself: in order to become an adult, he must completely break away from his parents, so everything parental is received with hostility. If you need to conduct an educational and moral conversation, it is better to turn to your friends who have a child a little older (20-22 years old). Those few phrases that he will throw out at the table at a party with a casual smile will be remembered by your teenager better than hours of boring parental lectures.

During the period of 14-16 years, teenagers try to protect their personal and inner life as much as possible from outside interference. It’s ideal if the child has his own room, which he can decorate to his liking and have privacy with a friend, and just lie down and listen to music. You can enter a teenager’s room only after knocking, especially for a mother in her son’s room, and for a father in her daughter’s room.

Never come with the cleaning - let the teenager clean his own “den”: wipe dust, vacuum cleaner, sort things out in the closet, etc. If the child is sure that in his absence no one touches things, does not rearrange them, does not leaf through diaries, both personal and educational, he will feel calmer at home, trust between parents and child will increase.

If it is not possible to allocate a separate room for a teenager, then you can buy him a small box or chest that will be locked with a key. In this chest you can store a personal diary, photographs, etc.

At times, it seems to parents that adolescence will never end; in fact, it flies by as quickly as the entire childhood of a child.

Several years will pass and the parents will see that their teenager has turned from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan, who, having spread his wings, will leave his nest.

Good luck, dear fathers and mothers!