How to start a conversation with your ex-girlfriend. Options for communicating with your ex-girlfriend. How to behave with your ex-girlfriend

How to react correctly if your husband or boyfriend continues to communicate with his ex-girlfriend or even more than one?

Firstly, you just need to separate your ex-girlfriend(s) from your ex-wife, with whom you have a child together. In the second case, there should be no question - you yourself knew who you were contacting, so there is not much choice. All that remains is to figure out the adequate regularity of this communication.

Secondly - if we are talking about ex-girlfriends (and today it is about them) - we also need to separate 2 points: just periodic communication on “objective issues” or regular communication on the verge of friendship and more.

Over my relatively long life, I have learned 2 things in this regard:

You will never achieve anything with prohibitions. You will only humiliate yourself and provoke others to act contrary to you and get courage from the fact that you are doing something not very right.
Don't let them "hang noodles". If a man sees and knows that his communication with his ex is categorically unpleasant for you, he should not start conversations about how “we are just friends, I love only you, it’s just communication, don’t even think about it, don’t offend me with suspicions,” etc. .

It may seem that there is some kind of contradiction between these points, but this is not so. There is really no need to prohibit anything, but you need to explain to the man your position and your feelings. And seriously think about the value of your relationship to him if it doesn't work.

A man, in turn, must also make a choice - either his girlfriend is important to him, even with such problems, or such pressure in a relationship is unacceptable for him. But you have to make a decision - the swing of “today I stopped communicating with everyone”, and tomorrow “Masya, why are you exaggerating everything” - no one needs it.

This is especially true in cases where the man turned out to be unfaithful and you forgave him, setting the condition that you categorically stop any communication on the side. There are plenty of cases when women discover that communication continues the same way. Moreover, the man gives a bunch of “plausible excuses” - her car broke down and he gave her a ride, lent her money, helped in some other objective situation. May be so. But you must remember only one thing - it was he who was guilty, and you forgave. Therefore, you and only you determine the conditions of your future life. Whether you are right or wrong, whether he is lying or not, whether there was something there or whether he really just helped - I don’t care. Don't let yourself be humiliated again - you've already experienced it once. If you don't like something, you're right, it's
he must earn your trust, and not you condescend to understand something there.

And finally. There are also quite adequate communication with exes. Of course, not friendship is perhaps too much. But if adults, mentally and morally mature people (both men and women) sometimes intersect on some issues, this is normal. Why can't you call your ex if she is the one who is competent in solving your situation - just because she is an ex? There is nothing more stupid than cackling and throwing a tantrum about a call from a girl with whom your man broke up 10 years ago and never made it clear that she was of any importance to him. Especially if they are talking in front of you. But if, after all, you are too jealous and the “worm of doubt” gnaws at you, see point 1.

By the way, a little advice for you - if you are all really adequate people, then try to sometimes communicate with his exes yourself, at least at the “hello-bye” level. Firstly, you will discourage the subconscious desire to annoy you a little (if this appears, of course). On the other hand, “friends must be kept close, and enemies even closer.” This is exaggerated, just for example. But at one time, a friend of mine, when she found out that her boyfriend liked another The girl, ahead of him, decided to establish a relationship with her and became strong friends. And then she was already embarrassed to respond to the flirting of her friend’s fiancé, and he was afraid to interfere in the relationship of such close friends. This, of course, is violated all the time - husbands easily sleep with their wives’ friends. But here the question is, what kind of friends are these? And, believe me, if the friendship is real, he will receive such a click on the nose that he will forget for a long time what flirting is at all.

Hand in hand all my life, it’s very hard at once. Many people are not stable in their relationships, some at some point decide to leave, some break up mutually, which is much better, since there is no way to maintain the relationship, and some break off the relationship. When this happens, after some time a difficult question arises: whether to communicate with someone with whom you were together just yesterday. And if you should do it, then do it in a way that makes you feel comfortable.

Should I contact my ex?

After a breakup, no matter what the reason: betrayal, they didn’t get along, feelings faded, they didn’t suit each other; - don’t rush to pretend that everything is fine, you forgot about everything and communication with your ex does not evoke any emotions. All living people experience feelings and depending on the situation they can be positive or negative. In this case, they are negative, since there is nothing pleasant when people break up, especially since this is necessarily preceded by the presence of problems, of which so many have accumulated that there is no other option left but to separate. And love, most likely, has disappeared, if it existed at all.

It is impossible to prepare for a breakup in advance so that it is easier to survive and continue to live as if nothing had happened. Any changes cause a feeling of anxiety and fear; you need to get used to them, realize and accept them. What can we say when this is associated with a sharp change in lifestyle, the collapse of expectations and plans.

It’s unpleasant, painful and insulting that I made a mistake, was in a hurry, missed it and now it’s as if I’ve found myself with nothing, even if it’s not true, but such feelings will still exist. And you shouldn’t underestimate them and try to hide them deep inside. You need to experience them, deal with them and make decisions about what you should do about it all: restore peace of mind or do normal things, because for you this is the best option to cope with changes in life.

When you begin to worry about the question of how to communicate with your ex, and whether it is worth doing, think about this: no one is immune from separation, it does not go painlessly, even if it was your decision. All the same, you will worry, considering yourself guilty of something in front of him, in front of yourself. And it is important to deal with this feeling of guilt before returning to normal life again, otherwise it will determine all your future actions, which does not bode well, it is not the best adviser when making any decisions.

It is very difficult to calm down and stop having any feelings towards someone with whom you were close. Especially depending on the reason you broke up. And before you think about whether to communicate with your ex, experience this difficult moment in life yourself. Do not dwell on resentment, do not cherish it, do not use it as a way of protection or manipulation. Live it, talk it out, accept that this happened and let it go. Don’t allow yourself to think that something else can be returned if you don’t really want it, otherwise you may give hope to the one you decided to break up with, or you yourself will begin to do everything to be with him.

Therefore, it is unlikely that communication at such a moment will bring pleasure. Better understand yourself, your feelings and thoughts, calm down, find a foothold and make new plans and goals.

Once you understand that the decision actually made is final and cannot be appealed, mind your own business. Communicate with him or not, what difference does it make? It is important for you to take care of yourself, your plans, take care of your health, soul, mood, dreams, desires and hopes. And leave everything else in the past. The past is the past. What's the point of dragging it along with you into the future if it complicates it, not improves it, and even spoils the present.

Photo: how to communicate with your ex-boyfriend

How to communicate with your ex-man

When you feel that the memories of what happened do not cause you unpleasant emotions, only then will you be able to calmly communicate with your ex-man, if this makes any sense. Otherwise, attempts to be an adult, to demonstrate to everyone self-confidence and equanimity, which is not yet there, will only lead to new experiences, pain, and decreased self-esteem. It's like reopening a wound that has just healed.

You don’t have to communicate with him at all, especially if there are no common topics for conversation, you don’t have to meet among mutual friends, at work, in the same places. Why test yourself for strength, risk your peace of mind and inner harmony. Sometimes a person himself does not know how he is able to react to someone for whom he once had strong feelings, especially if they broke up on his initiative, or he cheated, offended, humiliated and did not live up to expectations, although he promised “mountains of gold.”
If you have to see him regardless of your desire, think about how you are ready to communicate with him: as friends, good acquaintances, colleagues. It’s great if there are no claims left against each other, hidden claims, grievances, complaints, no desire to sort things out, take revenge, hurt, then you can easily communicate with him as with a good friend. This would be the best option.
The meeting cannot be avoided, try not to give free rein to your emotions, concentrate on your thoughts and not on your feelings. I really want to hurt him, hurt him with a good mood, indifference to his person. Be extremely polite, especially if he hasn’t done anything wrong to you.

You don’t want to carry on a conversation for a long time, it’s difficult, unpleasant, you’re afraid that you won’t keep within the bounds of decency, refer to business, being busy. After all, what do you need to talk about for a long time when nothing connects you anymore. And who cares what he thinks of you. Your task is to think about yourself and your health, and not about his well-being. He left, so he left. This way, you will establish a distance that will allow you to get over the breakup and restore peace of mind.
You don’t want to communicate, but the man continues to call, meet, ask how he can help, tell him that nothing is needed and it’s time to stop all this. Don't give him hope. You are able to do this unconsciously, trying to soften your words, communicating like very good friends. Instead, be extremely collected and even indifferent, then he will understand that everything is over between you. Sometimes it is enough to accept as a fait accompli that you have broken up with him, and he himself will disappear from your life.
There is no need to feel sorry for him, understand that you clearly broke up for a reason. Both you and he deserve to love and be loved, and therefore it’s time to let him go yourself, otherwise you will continue to experience a subconscious hope that everything will work out for you, and he, feeling this, will continue to call and try to meet and communicate. So figure it out with yourself first. He will understand this and disappear. Someone who is confident in himself always knows what he is experiencing, he believes his feelings and is guided by them. Therefore, he knows when it’s time to put an end to whether to communicate with an ex-man or not.

If you broke up on his initiative, do not try to use the slightest excuse to talk to him, secretly hoping for a resumption of the relationship. It is unlikely that he will like the fact that you have forgotten why you broke up and act as if nothing happened. Still, if you believe that all is not lost, analyze what led to this. Don't close your eyes to the fact that it takes a long time to break up. It doesn't happen right away. This is facilitated by many things, offensive words, quarrels, arguments, actions.
You can understand what disappointed him in you to such an extent that he decided to break up - great. Say that you have realized everything and will take this into account - great. He will hear. And then it’s up to him to decide what to do next. Trying to convince him that you understood everything and won’t do it again, you will only aggravate his rejection with your frivolity and unwillingness to take what happened seriously. If he wants to try again, he will find the time and call, then decide whether you need it and whether you are ready for change. But we will have to change, because it was no longer possible.

Photo: how to communicate with your ex-boyfriend

Even after breaking up by mutual consent, it can be difficult for people to find a common language with each other. What can we say when the breakup was painful and left behind scars. Therefore, if you can’t find the strength to communicate kindly and neutrally with your ex, you don’t need to torture yourself and pretend that everything is fine. Your right not to communicate with someone who makes you feel bad. And it doesn’t matter who says what about it, what his reaction will be. Think about yourself, this is your life, and if you try to please everyone, it’s easy to live someone else’s life, realizing at one fine moment that your own has passed you by, and you have never lived the way you wanted.

10 chosen

According to the films, words "let's remain friends"– one of the most common phrases during breakups. According to reality, this is perhaps the most dishonest words. The only thing that can compete with them is the sacramental "It's not about you, it's about me..." Practice shows that former lovers rarely remain friends. More often they keep a good face when they play poorly. Let's figure out why this happens, in which cases friendship between former lovers is impossible, and in which it is worth trying.

Why is it needed?

If during the relationship a man has become a dear and close person to you, it is understandable to want to continue communication and not lose money from your friend. If, on the contrary, the hobby was light and short-lived, and at the end you realized that you are not very interested in each other, it is not clear why you should continue communication in a new form.

There are situations when girls, breaking off relationships, They leave their ex-lover “to themselves.” The young man, continuing to harbor hope for the restoration of relations, is always nearby, will help if necessary, support, congratulate you on the holiday and will not let you feel lonely. On the one hand, it is convenient: There is always someone who will reinstall Windows, pick it up from the airport, and pay compliments. On the other hand, it is not fair to your ex-lover. The situation can be the opposite, when a man leaves his ex-girlfriend “with him.” It’s not good to put a person in such a situation; it’s definitely not worth getting caught in it yourself. So, When asking a young man to “stay friends”, honestly answer the question of why you need this.And is it even necessary?

Peace is impossible

Often friendship after a relationship is impossible due to the fact that one person initiated the breakup, while the other continues to love and suffer. Or if mutual grievances overpower all good feelings for each other. Usually at the end of such a relationship, the partners are more likely to be in a state of brutal war rather than friendship. Everyone is hurt, and because of this, he tries to hurt his ex-lover even more.

“If there were betrayals or betrayals in the relationship, then, most likely, no friendship will work out; resentment, revenge, anger will still not give the opportunity to completely forgive your partner.”, - believes psychologist Maria Pugacheva.

There is a chance!

Couples have the greatest chance of becoming friends feelings in which slowly and evenly faded away, but respect for each other remained. Or people who calmly and peacefully realized that they now have different goals, so they cannot move on together.

The problem is that such things are very difficult to realize calmly.– partners usually put pressure on each other, try to win each other over to their side, and things often end in scandals, swearing and unpleasant scenes. And it is very difficult to move from such a situation to friendship.

"Former" and "current"

Even if the relationship turned out great after the breakup, problems may arisewhen one of the “ex” has someone “current”: jealousy and a sense of ownership have not been canceled. Moreover, against the background of the happy personal life of your ex-lover, you feel your own loneliness more acutely.

One of my friends noticed that in such a situation, the “happier” one should be gentler with his ex-partner: talk less about your relationship, pay attention to him, emphasize his importance. In that case, of course, if he wants to maintain friendly relations.

Of course, it is better to communicate when the former lovers have both already established their personal lives. But even here there can be a place for jealousy. If the relationship was serious and important, “becoming family friends” most likely will not work out in the near future.

Danger of relapse

From this follows the conclusion that it is best to communicate with exes for whom nothing is happening in their personal life, or, more precisely, it simply does not exist. On the one hand, in this case you are not in danger of jealousy. With another - there is a risk of relapse. When your soul is lonely, your ex-lover begins to seem ideal. A Returning to an old relationship is often psychologically much easier than starting a new one.

If it's worth it, then for God's sake. But for some reason you broke up, didn’t you? And if these were insoluble contradictions, they most likely will not go away. This means that you will only waste time during which you could find your true “soul mate.”

We share friends, or boys to the left, girls to the right

As I said, in some situations peace is clearly impossible. There is a lot of unpleasantness in difficult and painful breakups. One of the bonus difficulties is communicating with mutual friends. Friends are animate beings, it will not be possible to divide them as property, they themselves will choose with whom to be friends. Here it is important to behave in a civilized manner, not to pull your friends over to your side and not to be offended if they continue to communicate with your “ex”.

According to my observations, if both a young man and a girl are equally important to friends, they find the opportunity to continue communicating with both. But if one of the former partners was less close to the company, he will very quickly leave it.

“If a couple had a hard breakup, with scandals, betrayals and betrayals, it is often impossible to keep mutual friends, and, as a rule, the most painless scheme remains: girls continue to be friends with girls, and boys with boys,”– says Maria Pugacheva.

Theory and practice

I propose to move from theory to practice - in front of you A short survey of my friends who found themselves in similar situations.

Alice, student: “Of course, you can be friends with your exes. For example, in the evening I go to a cafe with my ex-boyfriend, we have a very good relationship and we meet at least once every two weeks. However, from experience, immediately after a breakup there is some time to not communicate while emotions are too strong and memories are too vivid. Otherwise, you can quarrel for life, because one will demand the attention of the other, get offended without receiving it. But over time, you can return to frequent communication."

Sergey, designer: “It depends on the reasons for the breakup. I am friends with some ex-girlfriends, while others still don’t want to see me, although a lot of time has passed.”

Lisa, lawyer: “Be friends with exes? Surely it’s possible. But I couldn’t do it. My ex-boyfriends don’t want to talk to me for some reason. Maybe because I was usually the initiator of the breakup.”

Dmitry, yoga teacher:“Being friends with exes is absolutely normal. True, it’s difficult if one continues to love and hope... Another question is what love is. If this is not banal selfishness, then friendship is possible even in such a difficult situation.”

What do you say? Do you think it’s possible to be friends with ex-lovers? Tell your stories.

Sometimes love ends, and that's okay. But how to build communication with your former loved one after a breakup? If the relationship is not working out yet, then some tips and recommendations will help you figure it out.

How to build communication?

How to communicate with your ex-boyfriend? At first glance, it may seem that building communication is easy, because you can simply “go with the flow” and act according to the situation. But some events and actions of an ex-lover can unsettle and take you by surprise, so it’s worth being fully prepared and prepared for anything.

There are several options for developing further communication after a breakup, and each should be considered separately and in detail.

Option one: enemies forever

If you broke up with a scandal and do not want to see your ex-boyfriend, then he will automatically become your enemy. Sometimes this option is the only possible one, and it has both advantages and disadvantages.

It's worth starting with the positives. You won't have to be nervous and restrain your emotions, you won't try to avoid contacts or think about how to build communication. And who cares what happens if the relationship ends?

There are also disadvantages. Firstly, you will have to try to avoid meetings, because they can be uncomfortable or even painful. Secondly, the ex-partner may put all the “ins and outs” of your relationship on public display or begin to take revenge on you.

Option two: friendship

Was the breakup mutual and peaceful? Then it’s worth trying to maintain friendship or at least friendly relations if both partners want it. But even in this case it is worth weighing the pros and cons.

Let's start with the advantages: you don't need to be nervous and avoid meetings, you can find a loved one or friend in the person of your ex-lover, you don't have to share anything.

There are also disadvantages. First of all, the new guy may be against your communication with your ex. In addition, friendships can be disrupted by memories of love or resentment. And if one of the partners’ feelings flare up again, it will not be easy for both.

Option three: neutrality

Neither friends nor enemies. This policy is quite appropriate if former partners can restrain their emotions and do not harbor grudges against each other, but at the same time they simply do not see the point in further communication.

First the pros. You won't have to avoid meetings or be nervous about them, and communication won't hurt anyone or give you vain hopes.

And the downsides. If one person still has feelings, then he may experience suffering from such “cold” and distant communication. In addition, maintaining neutrality will be difficult if it is difficult to control your emotions.

Option four: no contact

If you do not want to communicate with your ex, but also do not want to find an enemy in his person, then it makes sense to cut off any contact. How will this help you? Firstly, you will get rid of the irritant and will not experience negative emotions associated with it. Secondly, you don't have to explain anything.

The main disadvantage is that unavoidable or accidental contact with your ex can be really stressful for you. In addition, efforts will have to be made to avoid such meetings.

What to consider when choosing a communication model?

To choose the right and most appropriate communication model, several important factors should be taken into account:

Do you have a child together? If he is, then the ex-spouse will probably show a desire to see him, which means that contacts cannot be avoided. And in this case, you should make them as calm as possible to avoid conflicts and stress.
Shared property is also associated with a lot of problems and inevitable contacts.
Probability of meetings. If after breaking up the guy left for another city, then you will not see him, and this is a big plus, since the need for communication disappears (of course, unless you decide to make or receive a phone call). And if your ex-partner lives in the same building as you, then meetings, even random ones, are almost inevitable.
Reason for separation. If you were the initiator of the breakup, then the guy who is offended by you will probably not want to communicate. And this is to your advantage, because, in fact, everything will be decided without your participation. And if you broke up due to your partner’s betrayal, then further contacts with him will hurt you or cause aggression, so it is better to avoid meetings.
Feelings. If at least one of the partners still has feelings for the other, then the best way to suppress them and not suffer again is to limit or completely stop communication, as it will cause pain to the loving person and cause severe discomfort to the loved one.
What kind of person is this? If he has a bad character and cannot be called good, then for your own good you should avoid contact with him, your nerves are more expensive. And if the ex-boyfriend is just a “darling”, a good friend and a Person with a capital P, then communicating with him will not harm and may even be useful.
New relationships. If you have a new love, then ask your partner's opinion. If he is categorically against any of your connections with your ex-boyfriend, and you value your current union, then it is better to avoid communication. If the new boyfriend is loyal or neutral to the situation, then the decision will be yours.

First of all, you should understand yourself and find out how necessary communication with your ex is, whether it is possible at all. Imagine different situations and your emotions, consider the options.
Understand what the ex-partner himself wants. If he strives to maintain normal relationships, then they are quite possible. If he plans to return you, and you absolutely do not want this, then avoid contact.
If you don’t know how to behave and what to expect from your ex-lover, then take a position of neutrality and assess the situation. But think soberly!
There is no need to rush to get closer and open your soul. Wariness and suspicion will not be superfluous, especially at first. If the guy manages to gain trust, then you can relax.
If you decide not to communicate with your ex-boyfriend, but still have feelings for him, then you should avoid contact with your mutual and his friends, acquaintances and relatives.

Let communication with your ex-boyfriend be pleasant or at least harmless for both of you!