How to trust your husband after cheating. How to learn to trust your husband after cheating: advice from a psychologist. How to restore trust after your husband cheats

The betrayal of a loved one touches to the very core. Many women are faced with the fact of betrayal. Everyone approaches this differently. But there is practically no one who will be indifferent to such a situation. It is important to remember that no matter how painful it is, you can survive everything and start living again.

Should I forgive my husband's betrayal?

This is a very controversial issue. There can be no advice here. Whether or not to forgive betrayal is up to you to decide.

The first reaction, as a rule, is to cross out everything that happened and kick the husband out of the house, forgetting him forever. This behavior is understandable and somewhat justified, but it is not the best option. Women are overly emotional creatures. There is a high probability that a few days after an angry breakup, you will want to see your husband, talk, and you will begin to get bored.

You definitely need to talk to your spouse, no matter how unpleasant and painful this topic is. Try to understand his motives, find out why he did this.

It may be that you began to neglect yourself, stopped paying attention to your loved one, and got bogged down in everyday routine. Understand that everything has a root cause, it needs to be found out. Another important point will be how much the spouse regrets his action. Evaluate his readiness to break off the relationship with his mistress (if it was long-term) and the actions he takes to reconcile with you.

The best advice would be to try to calm down as much as possible and not make any drastic decisions until you cool down a little. This takes time, you need to be prepared for it. Your adequate and balanced reaction will be a big plus and will earn respect from your husband. You may need to take a time out and go somewhere for a week to analyze well and draw adequate conclusions. It’s just very important that you don’t go to your mom or friends for this, and don’t let strangers in on your family difficulties until a final decision is made.

How to restore trust after your husband cheats

If you decide to stay together and maintain the relationship, then be prepared that it will take time to get over everything. Be sure to honestly and calmly share this with your husband. There is no need to reproach him and continue to sort things out. Explain to him that his understanding, attention and care are very important to you now.

For the first time, you can ask your spouse to call you more often, tell you about his whereabouts during the day, and say more pleasant words. Just inform him about this unobtrusively, there is no need for an accusatory or commanding tone. Ask to delete all possible contacts with your mistress. Explain how important this is to you. If you decide to start all over again, then there should be no room for reproaches.

Interesting!

A great option would be a joint romantic vacation. A pleasant atmosphere, new emotions, spending time together - all this brings you closer and allows you to look at each other in a new way.

If you can’t go somewhere, then try to spend more time together in everyday life. Instead of a standard dinner at home, eat in a cozy restaurant. Walk together more often, try to make more contact, communicate, talk. You need to become interesting to each other again. Remember how it all began, what you were like. Getting bogged down in the everyday moments of family life, we often forget about those pleasant emotions with which it all began, but it is so important to maintain them, even years later.

How to get rid of the fear that cheating will happen again

To think less about possible betrayal, you need to occupy yourself with something and distract your thoughts. There are many ways to do this: work, sports, self-care, a new hobby, meeting friends, etc.

It is important to start improving yourself and stop filling your head with obsessive thoughts. Start developing, read books, do yoga. The most important thing is to start working with your self-esteem, which is traumatized after betrayal. The change in image lifts her up beautifully.

Try to plan your day as productively as possible so that you always have time for yourself. Start appreciating, loving and caring for yourself. A well-groomed woman who knows her worth will always be interesting to her husband. When he sees your self-sufficiency and confidence, he will not want to look at other girls.

Read more books. Good and varied literature will make you more spiritually developed, you will become an interesting conversationalist, you will always be able to maintain a conversation and tell something new. Development should be both external and internal. The more you invest in yourself, the higher your value becomes, primarily for yourself.

If you are unable to cope with your emotions and nothing helps, then consult a psychologist. The help of a professional will be useful in a difficult situation and will help you cope with mental pain faster.

There are techniques and practices aimed at working through and correctly experiencing emotions in order to subsequently let them go and forget them. If necessary, you can go to the appointment together with your husband. Just gently ask him about it and explain the importance of this for you without an accusatory tone. A partner who is interested and wants to restore the family will definitely make concessions.

In any case, it is important to realize that only working on yourself and your worldview will help you survive everything. Constantly replaying a painful situation, spying on your husband, and eternal suspicion will not change anything positively, but, on the contrary, will make you nervous, restless and suspicious.

At first, the husband will endure all this out of guilt, but sooner or later he will begin to get tired of this and move away. Understand that you cannot be insured against everything in this life; anything can happen. But this does not mean at all that you need to wait for negative events to repeat. This may never happen at all, and a lot of effort, energy and time will be wasted on excessive suspicion and nerves.

Video on the topic

Trusting your husband after his betrayal: is there a guarantee against relapse? In my psychologist’s office, the question is heard every day: “Do you think, after my husband’s betrayal and reconciliation with him, can I be sure that we have truly saved the family forever? Is there any guarantee that my husband understood everything, drew the right conclusions for himself and will never hurt me again by cheating or leaving the family?”

As an experienced and honest specialist, I upset women by telling them that, unfortunately, there is no one hundred percent guarantee against repeated infidelity. I will say more: in my practice, hundreds of times it happened that infidelity was committed by the very women who, having gone through the betrayal of their husband and returning him to the family according to my methods, who took oaths of eternal fidelity from him, months or years later they themselves were caught in their own treason. And their own shocked husbands came to me for consultation. And it also happened many times that even in the process of reconciling a couple, where the husband had been unfaithful, and the wife angrily branded him “cobelism and invincibility,” it suddenly turned out that she herself had a lover, and her own relationship arose even earlier than the relationship husband

Thus, without firm guarantees against female infidelity, it is difficult for me to promise someone protection from repeated male infidelity. Moreover, considering the fact that in the brains of sexually active men, in principle, there are no protective devices against female sexual manipulation. Nature simply did not provide for them. Because if men had the gift of calmly observing how interesting women make sexual appeals specifically to them, then humanity would have died out long ago.

However, without at least some hopes for a bright future, a person cannot live, will not have the motivation to keep his family together, and will not be able to communicate correctly. So what can we advise those women who, having saved their family after infidelity, and for this purpose, even having crossed their principles somewhere, still strive to understand: “Is there any hope for eliminating relapses of infidelity on the part of the husband, and if so, then what exactly?” does this need to be done in the family? Is it possible to trust that cheating husband who seems to have declared that he wants to save the family? How long can its correctness be enough?

I answer as clearly as the question was clearly formulated. Moreover, the scheme in this case is simple. To paraphrase the well-known saying that “everything ingenious is simple!”, I will say this:

Everything ingenious is simple!

Everything genital is as simple as shelling pears!”

You will see this for yourself now. According to my professional observations, the formula for trusting a man is as follows:

“The presence of past infidelities + The duration of the revealed love affair + The volume of the husband’s financial investment in his mistress + The completeness of repentance and separation from his mistress + the man’s absence of harmful addictions + the correctness of the wife’s behavior after reconciliation with her husband + the presence of large joint goals in the family + transparency of the spouses’ lives + completeness mutual control of spouses.

Now I will decipher this formula.

- “The presence of past infidelities.” If this is not the first time your husband has been caught cheating, it is quite obvious that he will have much less faith than if this were the first and only episode in the history of your marriage. If your husband systematically gives you reasons for jealousy, you don’t need to have any special illusions: if according to the following criteria everything is sad, you can forget about the guarantees of a calm family life.

- “The duration of the identified love affair.” If your husband’s “left” relationship was of a one-time nature (such as sex on a business trip or drunk at a corporate party or at a friends’ dacha) or lasted only a few months, then there is a great hope that this relationship itself will be broken off forever, and your husband himself will not managed to get used to regularly leading a “double” life. If the betrayal has lasted for a year, or even several years, then everything is much worse. Firstly, from the point of view of a family psychologist

Long-term betrayal is essentially a second family,

that is, in essence, a secret civil marriage.

Accordingly, it is very difficult to break off such a relationship, which is filled not only with sex, but also with travel, communication, plans, mutual care and the same mutual obligations. And no matter how the husband caught red-handed declares his readiness to “forget everything in the interests of preserving the legal family,” I personally always warn wives that the possibility of restoring this connection may not last for several years. That is, until the woman-lover herself marries and/or gives birth to another man. Thus, she will lose her feminine motive for restoring communication with your husband. But, if she cannot get married or this marriage turns out to be unsuccessful for her, clouds may again gather over your family. That is why, in especially severe cases (with a high threat of relapse), I directly advise wives to find an opportunity to move with their husband returned to the family to other cities, regions or even countries. Or develop schemes on how to profitably marry off your ex-lover. Or use other methods.

Secondly, the principles of the conditioned reflex of Pavlov’s dog have not yet been canceled. A man who, over many years, has become accustomed to a secret life and receiving sexual pleasures in precisely this nerve-wracking format, will most likely strive to restore such a familiar and comfortable way of life for his pride, simply changing his left girlfriends, ruthlessly betraying his wife and changing “exposed ” at someone else. Once started, the cyclical carousel usually stops after 45-50 years, when a man’s libido begins to gradually decrease and his brain finally matures.

Increasing a man's family decency

usually coincides with a decrease in its potency.

Therefore, when it is clearly known that the husband’s love affair on the side lasted three to five years, there are usually no easy victories. Except in those cases when the wife’s side is objectively the mistress herself, whose patience has run out and who herself harshly rejected the lover who was rushing between the women in a panic and who was unable to immediately choose one of them. If a long-term mistress in every possible way emphasizes her readiness to wait at least until retirement (especially now noticeably delayed) and accept a man returning to the family at any time, it is very difficult to talk about a great credit of trust in such a husband. Here you need an eye and an eye.

- “The amount of financial investment of the husband in his mistress.” If, having learned about her husband’s infidelity, the wife also revealed the notorious “elements of the sweet life”, i.e. his significant expenses for this relationship (expensive gifts, foreign travel, payment for expensive plastic surgery and elite fitness, donated cars and assistance in purchasing housing, etc.), one must soberly understand: the man himself will be very sorry to lose his investments and his It will be psychologically very difficult for a mistress to part with such a generous sponsor, who has made life noticeably easier and more prosperous.

Generous men do not wallow.

They lie in the beds of those women in whom they invest money.

Former generous men who have already been milked are lying on the road.

Therefore, knowing that the husband generously invested in his mistress, the wife should be prepared for a very long and careful observation of his behavior after returning to the family. Because:

A woman is able to refuse communication with a generous man

only having met either an even more generous man, or the same one,

but who is either not married or leaves his wife more quickly.

- “Fullness of repentance and parting with his mistress.” If, after discovering his wife’s infidelity, a man quickly made a fundamental decision, quickly informed his mistress about the final break in the relationship, and also quickly radically rearranged his life schedule in such a way as to completely exclude both personal contacts with her and telephone communication on any occasion, then For the wife this is good news. Such men, most often, in fact, make the right family conclusions in the future and remain faithful to their wife. If a man repeated for weeks and months like a mantra that he was “confused” and rushed between women, if he continued to work together with his mistress or began to creatively find any “things” and reasons to communicate with her (such as help, counseling, etc.) etc.), if he never told his wife the details of the relationship and did not reveal the identity of his mistress, many such men are a “time bomb” that very often explodes again and again. And the wife’s battle for her husband flares up again and again, and each battle that seems “general” and “brilliant” to the wife again turns out (based on the aphorism of this article), alas, again to be regular and genital. So please note:

The completeness of future trust depends on the completeness of past repentance.

- “A man has no harmful addictions.” Everything is simple here. Alcoholics, drug addicts and gambling addicts, i.e. men who are unable to properly control their emotions and actions cannot guarantee that their marital position is firm. And after drinking alcohol, such men often “break down” and begin calling and writing emotional love messages to their “ex.” Or, when drunk, he leaves his wife for his former lovers, and when he comes to his senses, he returns back to his wife in shame and begs for another forgiveness. Men without harmful addictions, although they can also relapse, nevertheless do this much less often.

— “The correct behavior of a wife after reconciliation with her husband.” If the wife, considering it right for herself to ask and return her cheating husband to the family, did five things:

— she analyzed her mistakes as a woman well and managed to correct them;

— provided her husband with high-quality sex, interesting communication, delicious food and home comfort, shared his hobbies with him and got along with his environment;

— managed to become a truly attractive woman (and not just to please herself and her close friends);

— she did not humiliate herself, showed firmness and was able to force her husband to repent and give guarantees of his fidelity in the future;

— created a psychologically easy atmosphere in the family by not reproaching her husband for mistakes he had made in the past.

...then the husband will most likely receive in the family exactly what he was looking for on the side. If the wife was unable to implement any of this, the husband may again begin to look to the left...

- “The presence of large joint goals in the family.” It is not enough to save the family and defend it from the contenders. It's important to save it for something. I emphasize, not only for someone - meaning the interests of material support for the wife and children herself, but also for something. The family as a whole, that is, both spouses, should have some big joint goals and plans for the years ahead. If tactful plans were developed and accepted by both partners, or the wife not only shared her husband’s plans, but was also involved in their active implementation, then the husband will clearly remain faithful and can be trusted. Because by betraying his wife, he will thereby betray his own interests. Smart men usually don’t make such mistakes. If there is a void in the joint goals of the family, or the wife does not share the truly significant goals of her husband, it is pointless to talk about trust. The husband will still look for a soul mate on the side and, most likely, will find it. Or the one that seems like it.

— “Transparency in the lives of spouses.” After the spouses reconcile, it is important for them to synchronize their lives, arrange their work and leisure schedules with an emphasis on maximum collaboration and transparency. Codd's spouses always know who is doing what, with whom they communicate, how much they earn, where they spend their money, and - most importantly, they strive to be together as much as possible.

If you wish, you can be close to a loved one from a distance,

if you don’t want to, you can be distant from each other, lying in the same bed.

Only complete transparency helps create the very feeling of trust and is the shortest road to mutual trust in a couple.

— “Complete mutual control of spouses.” Here we are talking about the fact that spouses have every right to call each other at any time (preferably via video call), use each other’s mobile phones, tablets and computers, know the passwords for all accounts on each other’s social networks, etc. If, after the husband’s betrayal and reconciliation, the husband and wife gave each other such a right, trust almost always returns, and relapses of infidelity are extremely rare. If the spouses have not received such a right and there is still a “gray zone” in their communication, then the most notorious “personal space”, sooner or later infidelity will come again. It is important to understand: from the opaque “gray zone” in life to the “black hole” in relationships is one step.

Personal space in the family is a “black hole”

which will gradually destroy first mutual trust

between spouses, and then the family itself.

Now you know the formula, which has as many as nine terms. I cannot cover the entire infinite fullness of life, but I can say that in those couples where there is a positive situation in at least six of the nine terms, most often the spouses successfully restore both the family and trust in the family, and betrayal will not happen to them in the future. If the negative situation turns out to be more than three terms, trust is restored over a long period of time and with difficulty, and the risks of relapse are, unfortunately, high.

All nine points are very important. But the following are especially important:

— Completeness of repentance and parting with his mistress

— The man does not have harmful addictions

— Correct behavior of a wife after reconciliation with her husband

— Transparency in the lives of spouses

— Completeness of mutual control of spouses.

These points are usually the key ones. It is on them that a woman needs to concentrate, it is in them that she should achieve complete victory.

If this article is read by a woman who, fortunately, has escaped the situation of her husband’s infidelity, taking these factors into account can help build family life in such a way that there will never be any infidelity at all. Preemptive actions are always more effective than subsequent ones. This principle has not been canceled.

I speak in more detail about the topics raised in this article in such books as “How to strengthen your marriage”, “Familyquakes”, “If your husband cheated or left, and you want to return him back to the family”, “Quarrels over sex” . I highly recommend you read them.

If you need the help of a psychologist in overcoming a crisis in your family life, I will be happy to try to help you during a personal or remote online consultation. The terms of consultation are described on my website. On it you can find my books and articles that may be useful for improving your life. Sign up for a consultation by phone: +79266335200.

Sincerely, psychologist, professor Andrey Zberovsky.

How to learn to trust your husband and not be jealous? Jealousy is a bad advisor and destroys even the strongest families. Unfortunately, cases are not uncommon. What should you do if your spouse asks for forgiveness and wants to save the family? Should you trust your husband? How to reduce the pain of betrayal and get your old relationship back? More on this later in the article.

Why do cheating happen?

It is important in all stressful situations not to resolve the issue rashly. It is advisable to spend some time in solitude. Find out for yourself what is the reason for the betrayal. After all, sometimes the wife herself can push. And she doesn’t even notice how she does it. Before we talk about how to learn to trust your husband and give advice on this issue, let’s find out the possible reasons for your spouse’s infidelity.

Let's look at the main situations:

1. Once a woman gets married, she simply stops taking care of her appearance. Nobody asks for an ideal figure, but weighing over 100 kg is already too much.
2. The girl stops taking care of her wardrobe and hairstyle. It is much more pleasant to live with a beautiful and well-groomed wife. Beauty salons are not necessary for this. It’s enough not to walk around at home in front of your spouse in a holey robe and with disheveled hair.
3. It is worth evaluating your behavior. If quarrels, reproaches, and humiliation of the husband occur day after day, then even strong love will not save you from betrayal.
4. You shouldn't be jealous for no reason. If you interrogate your husband every day and are jealous of every skirt, then this may simply push you to cheat. After all, sometimes men act on this principle: since the wife believes that there is cheating, then why not. Then at least the swearing will be justified.

To strengthen feelings, you need to show your love and loyalty to your husband. But not too intrusive.

Having assessed the situation in a calm state, you can give the floor to your husband if he wants to explain himself and talk. You don't have to decide everything yourself. All scandals in the family are the mistakes of both. And betrayal is no exception. After listening to all the husband's arguments, you may wonder whether it is worth forgiving your spouse.

Treason and forgiveness

Should you forgive your husband? How to learn to trust your husband again? We will now find answers to these questions. The issue of forgiveness can be decided after private conversations. You shouldn't seek outside advice. This will only aggravate the situation, but will not give the correct answer. Remember that you will always have time to kick your spouse out, but whether he will return to the family later is a question.

And if a wife calmly assesses the situation, listens to her husband, and behaves appropriately to the situation, then this will only raise her in the eyes of her partner. After reconciliation, you can even arrange a short vacation for two. It will help you understand your feelings more accurately and understand whether it’s worth giving them another chance or whether everything is already lost.

How to overcome the fear of repeated betrayal?

If you decide to save your family, then it’s worth figuring out how to learn to trust your husband again after cheating. But first you need to learn to control yourself. After a husband's betrayal, women are often left with a feeling of fear that their husband might cheat again. What to do?

• You need to distract yourself from these thoughts. If possible, you can start going to the gym or swimming pool. Visit friends more often. Just don’t start a conversation with your friends about cheating. This will only tug at the wound and will not allow emotions to cool down.
• The best way out is considered or interests. For example, take up an interesting hobby (start a blog, go swimming, get carried away by reading literature), change your hairstyle, clothing style. You can also do yoga. It helps to balance the nervous system and understand oneself. In general, you need to be cheerful and enjoy life. No man will pass by such a woman.
• The stronger sex loves well-read women, or rather, interlocutors with whom there is something to talk about. And it’s not difficult to become like that. You don't have to spend hours reading books to do this. It is enough to develop yourself for an hour, at least on the Internet. It will also be interesting and useful in life.
• The most important rule is to love and respect yourself. If a person does not respect himself, he will not achieve this from others.
• Do not be more jealous of your husband. On the contrary, you need to give him freedom. It would be better if the husband is now afraid of losing his wife, who not only behaved wisely, but also looks wonderful and is not discouraged.
• If you can’t cope on your own and it’s hard for you to psychologically overcome yourself, then it’s better to consult a psychologist. With it you can work out the problem.

It is precisely such a woman who will attract more attention to herself than a lady who has neglected herself even more and is constantly depressed. When he sees his wife’s changes, the husband will become more interested in her and will value his soul mate more. The fear of losing such a wife will push back the spouse’s desire to cheat.

How to get rid of the emptiness in your soul after cheating?

After the feeling of hatred towards your husband passes, a feeling of emptiness appears in your soul. This often manifests itself in people with low self-esteem. Therefore, before talking about how to learn to trust your husband after cheating, you need to talk about how to understand yourself and raise yourself in your eyes and the eyes of others.

1. Don't make mountains out of molehills. This is the most obvious sign of low self-esteem. Every problem has a solution. And instead of lamenting how bad everything is, you need to pull yourself together and look for a way out of this situation.
2. It is necessary to pay attention to all your victories and achievements, even small ones.
3. Don't push away the care of loved ones. Receive it with gratitude. Allow yourself to spend money on yourself (buy ice cream, a nice blouse). Set aside free time, again only for yourself (watching a TV series, reading a book, and so on). You need to love yourself and enjoy even a rainy day. A happy person attracts the attention of others and looks like a confident person.
4. Find out your strengths and weaknesses in character. And try to get rid of your shortcomings.
5. When there are days when you just want to cry or scream, you can take a course of sedatives during this period.
6. When a feeling of emptiness appears in your soul, you should not fill it with caring for children or other people’s problems. It is better to pay attention to yourself and your own self-development. Stop suffering and allowing yourself to be made a victim.

A woman who knows her worth will never let herself be offended; she will react much wiser to her husband’s infidelity and will not retaliate. After all, many people think that it’s easier to survive your husband’s deception. Retaliatory betrayal is the fate of weak people.

Find out the relationship

How to learn to trust your husband? Before you start building a relationship again, you need to understand that you will never be able to completely forget betrayal. But why remember it every day? She is in the past, and nothing can be changed. You need to continue to live on, without upsetting your life with bad events.

Many women are interested in learning how to learn to trust their husband again. You need to answer this question for yourself: will it be possible to live next to a spouse who has already cheated once. Otherwise, further married life will turn into a nightmare. You also need to fully clarify your relationship with your husband. You can even scream and break dishes. Emotions must be completely released. Resentment should not be suppressed and accumulate day after day.

When you shouldn't save a relationship

If the husband treated the betrayal as an ordinary, everyday event, then there is no point in saving the family. In no case should you justify your spouse’s misconduct. Knowing this position of his wife, he will begin to walk to the left with enviable regularity.

Be friends for a while

How to learn to trust your husband? Psychologists advise, after the outburst of initial emotions, to express to each other what specifically does not suit the spouses. This is done to prevent repeated betrayals.

But still, how to learn to trust your husband? The psychologist's advice sounds like this: if you decide not to break up and try to start all over again, then at first you can simply try to be good friends to each other. Also, you should not blame your husband for all mortal sins after cheating. Don't forget that the decision was made together. Therefore, you should try not to remember the past.

The decision was made to save the family. What to do to strengthen relationships?

To strengthen them, you need to try to spend more time together. If a vacation is not planned in the near future, then you can spend evenings and weekends together. At this time, new positive traits in the husband may be discovered.

Of course, from time to time memories of betrayal will slip through. Especially at first. It is better to try not to start conversations again on this topic. And the spouse may simply get tired of such conversations. Then the family will fall apart.

If you don’t know how to learn to trust your husband again, then remember that the most ideal option is to cross out the past. We need to start our married life again. But try not to make mistakes that could lead to her husband’s betrayal. Ideally, you can make a honeymoon.

Accept your husband's apology

This will help you in the future in your relationship. If you don't know how to learn to trust your husband again, then first learn to accept your spouse's apology. They can be expressed by ordinary help with housework, flowers, walks around the evening city. The husband sometimes feels much worse than the deceived wife. It could be much harder for him. After all, it was he who almost destroyed the family. After reconciliation, you should live in the present and not look at past grievances. Forgiveness and understanding of a husband’s betrayal, wise decision-making is the lot of strong women.

Cheating in the family, unfortunately, is a fairly common occurrence. And only a wise and intelligent woman can save the family. And often, betrayal only strengthens the family. After all, the wife then grows in her husband’s eyes. He begins to be proud of his chosen one. And the wife begins to look at her husband differently. And often she begins to see advantages that she had not noticed before.

Conclusion

Now you know how to learn to trust your husband. And if you decide to forgive your spouse and save your family, then these tips given in the article will help any woman cope with betrayal, look wise after making a decision, and also become more loved and desired by her husband.

Natali.

My name is Natalya, I am 41 years old, married for 24 years. Let me start by saying that once again my husband
I decided to take myself a mistress. We have already gone through this and more than once four years ago he even left me for another woman, but after living with her for a month he came back to me. How much effort and nerves it cost me to forget everything and forgive, only I probably know this. And it’s just that everything seems to have worked out, we live, as they say, in perfect harmony, and it’s all over again for you. He got a new job and after some time I find out that he is texting with a girl, he claims that it’s just correspondence, but I know that he can’t just have correspondence, and that’s where it all begins, naturally we started having scandals about this . In the end, I still turned out to be hysterical and I can’t pretend that everything is fine with us, I just want to live with a person and just trust him and not suspect him of something. How can you trust a person who betrays you all the time???

Natalya, hello!
I would like to support you with the fact that your man loves you if he comes back to you all the time. You are important to him.
But he also loves himself and therefore satisfies his needs through communication with women. This is probably not your flaw, but his self-affirmation. Apparently, he cannot deny himself this. For some reason, you need to look at his childhood and relationship with his mother.

How can you trust a person who betrays you all the time???

Yes, there is no way to trust him. Until, at least, he can prove the opposite to you for a long time with his loyalty.

Natali.

We lived peacefully for 4 years, only I started to believe that the person had changed and he started again

Natalya, one day you should talk to him in a calm, confidential tone about your feelings about his infidelity, tell him about all your emotions, feelings and experiences, without blaming HIM. Look at his reaction. Try to determine whether you got through.
Perhaps he will learn something for himself from your suffering, perhaps not.

Natali.

I’ve already talked, it seems like a person can’t understand this, he’s never experienced anything like this

I can't understand this

He understands on an analytical level, but it’s another matter to emotionally understand and accept the rejection of other women, which is difficult. We need to look into his family history for this.
And you or accept him as he is and endure all the advantages that would allow you to maintain the relationship
OR if this is not possible, end the relationship and get a divorce. Right now, reading the last sentence, something should click in you, or you should not like something in my words, or some other emotion. Feel this - this will be the first path towards your decision.
Because you and I will not be able to change a man in this format.

Natali.

As I understand, I have two ways to accept him as he is and the other way is divorce

Natali.

If I stay with him, can you give me advice on how I should not overreact to his cheating?

Have you forgiven your husband, decided to save your family after his betrayal, are you starting life over with a new leaf? Great! But why is it so restless in the soul, doubts and suspicions prevent you from enjoying family happiness? How to start trusting your husband again after cheating?

Marital infidelity causes severe mental pain and disappointment and leaves a deep mark for life. This is an experience, a memory of an event so traumatic for a woman that it can periodically emerge in various everyday situations and quarrels. How to restore trust after betrayal? How to treat your husband after everything that happened?

It is necessary to understand and accept the fact that it is impossible to maintain the family atmosphere in its previous form. The connection between spouses moves to another level and this is normal.

The famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky claims that married life, in which adultery is possible, is inherently flawed.

Betrayal is essentially deceiving a loved one, which begins with basic everyday lies.

We must admit that neither you nor your spouse can change the past. In fact, you have every right to feel resentment, disappointment, and anger, but is it worth attaching so much importance to a fact from your “old life”? Not noticing the beauty of today and the wonderful prospects ahead, remaining captive of your fears?

The only thing in our power is not to focus on the past, take care of our soul and move forward, build a strong connection, strive for complete mutual understanding between partners. Trust after a husband's betrayal requires a long recovery period. You won't rush to play football after a broken leg, will you? Small but confident steps are needed to change the format of relations.

There is no need to fight your own feelings. It is necessary to restore spiritual intimacy with the chosen one. It is important to learn to openly discuss your experiences, hopes, and desires with your partner. Without reproaches, calmly and slowly. Ask for advice, find out his point of view on the situation. Accept the fact that your loved one sees the world differently, because he has a different value system.

He probably feels your tension, but does not know what to do, how to regain your trust, he is afraid to start a conversation and hear reproaches for old sins. If a man’s declaration of love for you is sincere, the spouse regrets what he did and feels guilty for succumbing to temptation and causing pain to the woman he loves.

When faced with betrayal, a woman, as a rule, begins to look for the roots of all problems in herself, appearance, behavior, character. But this is not always the right tactic. There can be many reasons for cheating. How to learn to trust your husband after cheating?

It is a frank conversation with your beloved man that will help you understand your true motives, show your weaknesses and points that are worth paying special attention to.

How to fill the spiritual emptiness?

As a rule, the phrase “I don’t believe it, I’m afraid of betrayal” indicates a wife’s low self-esteem and uncertainty about her own attractiveness. Mikhail Labkovsky claims that no one has a lifelong guarantee of marital fidelity. How to live knowing this fact? How can you be sure that he won’t want to look for a replacement for you? The answer is simple.

People with decent self-esteem know their worth and expect only honest, open relationships. They do not hide in their own fears and complexes. It is much more effective to work on your self-esteem than to sort things out with a partner who has cheated on you before.

Women, do not follow the men you love. Watch yourself - then your lover will watch you.

Therefore, first of all, you should think about how to learn to trust yourself again?

Advice from psychologist Maria Vinogradova on how to regain confidence in yourself, restore peace of mind and raise self-esteem:

1. Don’t turn your own mistakes and shortcomings into a problem on a planetary scale. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, including you;
2. Focus on success and achievements. Keep a special notebook and record all your small victories every day. Re-read it periodically and you will be surprised how many reasons to be proud of yourself you did not notice before;
3. Take care from your loved ones, but don’t forget to pamper yourself. Make it a rule to do something pleasant for yourself every day. A warm bath with your favorite foam, a walk alone. Please yourself with beautiful clothes, a delicious dinner in a cozy cafe, a simple conversation with friends, reading interesting books and magazines, and watching melodramas. To everyone that makes it clear: life is given for enjoyment. Soon you will feel like a charming and happy young lady again.

Maria Vinogradova also recommends this technique: take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. The left one is for a list of negative character traits and shortcomings. On the right, write down your strengths and positive traits. Then tear off and burn the left side of the sheet, and fold the right side and carry it with you, for example, in a separate pocket of your wallet or handbag. Re-read and see how good you are.

Everyone experiences moments of heightened sensitivity and heightened emotional arousal. Try to be more tolerant. If you are worried about nervousness or excessive jealousy, it is best to seek help from an experienced psychotherapist. You can also get a doctor's advice and take sedatives if necessary.

Know that you are a special, unique person with your own pros and cons, this has its own charm. Do not try to fill the spiritual emptiness with children, problems of relatives and friends. Find out what exactly causes pain, what are you really afraid of? The solution to all internal contradictions, as a rule, lies within ourselves.

Stop making yourself a victim, an unworthy sufferer. Don’t blame anyone, reproaches will bring temporary relief, but will not solve the main problem of how to trust your husband after cheating. Work on yourself, develop, learn to negotiate, understand each other, build trust.

How to restore trust in your husband?

Marital infidelity is a symptom of larger problems in a couple's relationship. A signal about the need to rethink one’s life and reassess values. Try to avoid emotional barriers in communication, become each other’s best friends, build a strong connection, then the relationship will move to a higher level and the question “how to trust your husband after cheating” will disappear on its own.

But do not go to extremes, replacing love with psychological dependence. Your life, happiness and self-esteem have nothing to do with your partner's fidelity. The feeling of enjoying life begins within, in positive thoughts. Be self-worth, respect your own interests and needs, do not get hung up on a man.

From the point of view of the husband, if the wife, as they say in the famous song, “breathes and lives by you,” fills all the space with thoughts about him so much that she simply displaces herself, she becomes uninteresting.

Analyze your feelings and thoughts at the moment you learned about your loved one’s adultery. Why did this news hurt you so much? Is it because you trusted too much, placed some hopes and thus tried to transfer part of the responsibility for your destiny and happiness into the hands of your partner? We make similar mistakes unconsciously, trying to be behind him “like behind a stone wall,” and we ourselves become helpless, falling into psychological dependence on another person. Not every man can bear such a heavy burden of responsibility.

In fact, a psychologically mature person is responsible for his actions and making important decisions independently. For such a person, adultery is simply an unpleasant fact of life. It hurts, but the patient will live.

To an infantile, insecure person, marital infidelity seems like a personal tragedy, a failure, a confirmation of inferiority. Please note that the root of the problem in this case is not so much the affair of the chosen one, but rather the internal contradictions and complexes of the woman herself.

A confident person is ready to take reasonable risks and gives the right to make mistakes. An insecure person believes that he must be perfect in everything - and therefore constantly marks time. — Andrey Yashurin

To understand how to regain trust, you should realize that family life is a two-seater boat, the fate and success of which depends on the efforts of both rowers. Trust is an important part of love. Do not shift responsibility to your chosen one. Of course, it is easier to be offended, a betrayed victim, to revel in pain, to be afraid of losing contact with your loved one. But at the same time, you are dealing with your fears, and not solving the problem. Get out of the accusatory position, let go of the past. Don't hold onto doubts or suspicions.

Live for today. Look in the mirror. Isn't such a sweet young lady worthy of love and respect? Love, value yourself. Enjoy life, experiment with your own appearance. Find time to pursue your own interests. A little healthy egoism never hurt anyone.

Open yourself up to new knowledge and acquaintances. They will fill you with lively energy of new impressions and help you get rid of negative thoughts. Be socially active, don't be afraid to take the initiative.

Look for inspiration. Don’t forget to keep a “success diary” and note all the good things that happened during the day. We tend to focus on the negative, ignoring the bright side of life. It's time to change your picture of the world.

Take care of your health, this is a guarantee of female attractiveness. Over time, even traumatic memories and doubts will seem frivolous, even comical. Remember that it is never too late to change. In addition, looking for new facets of one’s own personality is always pleasant and exciting.