Funny and cool short poems. Funny short poems for adults

In the morning at Tatiana's school
I had a headache or something.
And he and his friend Ira
We drank a little beer.
After the fifth glass
The director found them.
Tanya got angry about something,
And since I was
In a state of susceptibility -
Then she sent her off with obscenities.
The headmistress got wound up
In general, the fight began.
Well, somehow drunk there
Tatyana's nose was broken.
And even a black eye,
And her heart hurts -
Tanya without warning
The guy left on Sunday.
Later Tanya walked home
She carried the ball in front of her.
There were few failures -
Dropped a ball into the river.
Short funny poems to lift your mood at work.

I came, she was lying,
I asked and she gave it.
Don't think bad -
A cigarette from the table.

My husband came home from work angry.
Kicked the cat in the butt with his foot.
Parrot Coquette
He slammed the door to the cage.
Son: - Come here, son!
Show me your diary!
Daughter! Take off your rags!
Still visible, oh my!
Mother-in-law: - Mom, we're busy!
They should go to Mukhosransk!
He barked at his wife: “Eat!”
Bloom, motherfucker!
Spilled out his poison on everyone,
And calmly went to bed.
Everyone walked on tiptoes,
In the morning everyone forgave him.
The cat Vasily did not forgive -
I put a bunch of it in my slippers.

Funny poems with humor

I’m sitting on the subway, staring at the newspaper.
Not seeing that the old woman was standing nearby.
Experience love! And loving my neighbor,
Read the newspaper out loud, not to yourself!

Once upon a time there lived a drowsy grandfather
Boring, strict, burdensome
He was sitting on the bench
Yes, I looked at the sun,
But one day in this yard
Some thief looked in.
He sees - there is nothing to steal
And grab your grandfather in your bag!
Where is that dozing grandfather now?
Boring, strict, burdensome
It became boring without him,
I don't look out the window anymore!

You can live and not fall in love,
Love everyone a little.
Trying to deceive everyone
But don't be deceived!

It's good to have a man
To clean the house,
Cooked soup, drove a car
And he gave the salary.
It's good to have a man
To make you laugh until you laugh,
Sang songs, painted pictures
And he took me to the concert hall.
It's good to have a man
To trust secrets,
And at least half the problems
So that he can resolve.
It's good to have a man
To love you tirelessly,
Took me on vacation to Athens,
He gave fur coats and flowers.
It's good to have a husband too
Both a fan and a friend.
But so that life doesn't get worse,
Don't introduce them to each other!

Short humorous poems

In the morning I sat down by the dressing table
And she asked him:
“Am I the sweetest in the world,
All rosy and white?”
And the mirror answered me:
Are you crazy at 50?

The goat decided to get married.
The idea itself is not bad
But there's a problem, it's always like that
After all, you need to choose a groom.
We need an unmarried guy here,
Handsome, smart and rich,
Tall, slender, hard-working,
Simple, non-drinker, non-smoker.
So that he dotes on the goat,
So as not to growl, howl, bark,
So that I wear cabbage every day,
Caviar, lobster and lobster.
What remains is from these positions
Sort out all the animals and birds for her.
Leo is too lazy, imposing,
The eagle is overly proud and important,
The elephant is fat, bald and eared,
The bear is a lout and a terrible boor.
Why does she need such suitors? -
After all, they don’t even have horns.
Then the deer were examined,
Walruses, giraffes and seals,
Grasshoppers, beetles, leeches,
And even small boogers.
Well, in a word, I went through everyone.
But she still married a goat.

Where are you going?
I'm going to the doctor!
What are you carrying?
Your urine!
Where are you going, weirdo?
And I’m bringing cognac to the doctor!
Puzzled myself with a question:
Who will the doctor help faster?

Most people have a positive attitude funny poems. The ability to laugh is a sign of a healthy sense of humor. Humorous prose is harmless; it does not carry any hidden objectives. Its goal is only to please its readers, make them smile, relax, and lift their spirits. Humor in poetry perfectly cures depression, helps us to understand some things differently, to approach the situation with ease..

Comic poems can be called superficial. In contrast, they do not hit the target directly, demonstrating to the entire readership the weak sides of the object or event described in these works. Unlike here you will not find ridicule, ridicule, or condescending attitude.

Humorous poetry is, first of all, just good-natured banter about some funny episode in a current situation or about a character trait or a person’s action.

With comic verses, the poet describes absolutely real situations; he does not add anything of his own, does not highlight certain aspects, does not denigrate or whitewash the characters. Humorous poetry simply draws our attention to certain comic moments in the story. Writing such lines is simple and difficult at the same time. On the one hand, the poet does not need anything additional - write what you see. But on the other hand, an innate sense of humor is not something that is a real rarity, but still not accessible to everyone.

To become a humorous poet, you need to be able to have a special attitude towards life, to see in it not only the negative, but also the bright, funny sides.

Thanks to humorous poems, a person with a sense of humor realizes that he is wrong, forgives insults, finds correct solution in a simple situation. We can say that humorous poetry is only an impartial look from the outside at the current situation.

A joke is great medicine And great helper during emotional distress. Funny poems will always cheer you up and help you understand that life is actually quite a funny thing.
Many poets sooner or later in their work turned to humorous poetry, because it great way cope with our difficult everyday life.

And most of us at one time - not being poets at all - composed humorous poems. For school wall newspapers, humor magazines or just for funny cards friends.

All the best and positive mood in that beautiful evening! If you are a lover of positivity and humor and don’t mind laughing heartily while reading funny poems, then we have prepared this post especially for you. Today we decided to put on the coolest, funniest and short poems on various topics. They will not only cheer you up, but also charge you with positivity after a busy day at work. Don't miss the opportunity to recharge good mood. Read these funny poems and send them to your friends to spread some positivity to them too. Have a fun and enjoyable evening everyone!

If you take colored paper
Pen, scissors and glue
And a little more courage
You can make a hundred rubles.

As if, without getting your hands dirty with murder,
With eyes as clear as the summer sky,
Load money into suitcases in bundles
And so that there is nothing for it...

Sometimes you wake up like a bird,
The winged spring is on edge.
And I want to live and work,
But by breakfast it goes away.

There are different types of bullshit,
Green and red
But the most dangerous
The garbage is green and red.

At the end of the century he took and overthrew
Angry man a kind person.
From a grenade launcher - slap him, the goat!
Therefore, good is stronger than evil.

Call Lada "Mercedes"
This is unlikely to bring good luck
In the meantime, I'm watching with interest
Will it be different with the Police...

Adapted to life
Our mighty people.
Where there is nothing to shave -
Nobody lives there!

My phone rang:
- Who's talking?
- Elephant.
Then the geese called...
When will he let me go?

Where are you going?
I'm going to the doctor.
And what are you talking about?
Your urine!
Where are you going, weirdo?
And I’m going to the doctor, bringing cognac.
Puzzle yourself with a question:
Who will the doctor help most quickly?

I'll get up early in the morning,
I'll look at the face.
I won't drink anymore!
But also less...

I'll get up early in the morning,
I'll drink a jar of mercury
And I'm going to die
At this institute...

The wisest bird in the world is the owl
She knows everything, but is very stingy with her words.
The more he learns, the less he talks,
How the hell does the lecturer miss this?

One day his wife says to her husband:
- Remember, dear, we have only one daughter!
When suitors come to our house
And they ask me for her hand in marriage,
That's what needs to be said, almost always,
With dignity, just one word “YES”!
Not at all the way you act.
From my stupidity and simplicity
Before the groom, falling on his knees,
You kiss his hands with tenderness
And like a prisoner, and not like a parent,
You shout: “O our liberator!...”

There are so many good girls
So many affectionate names.
And I got it with a disgusting face,
And with a nasty name - Anton.

What kind of torment is this anyway?
Rushing for beer at the speed of sound,
Knowing at the same time that someone, somewhere,
Rushes for beer at the speed of light.

If the girl is free,
If the girl is beautiful,
If a girl has taste,
If a girl is smart...
Fussing around uselessly -
She will make the choice!

In each pretty girl,
In every shy little sweetie,
They might be hidden somewhere
Great-grandmother's nasty genes.

Don't envy a friend if the friend is richer
If a friend is more beautiful, if he is smarter.
May his wealth, may his good luck
The straps of your sandals will not be worn out.

Little Petya in lamer chat
He declared his love to the girl Katya.
Waiting an unpleasant surprise gentleman -
“The girl Katya” was the boy Valera.

My girlfriend loves cats very much
Rats, canaries, dogs, parrots.
I’m not ready to share her tastes,
Chinese food just scares me.

I'm leaving - I said proudly -
I can't find people like you!
Go - she calmly told me... -
Nobody is holding you by the horns.

One day I was quarreling with my wife again,
I was ready to kill her
And turning straight to God
I decided to ask him

Tell me, Lord, where from
Of these sweet, gentle Maidens,
What do their smiles give us?
And the happiness of sweet pleasures,

Women take what they can,
Grumble non-stop
Grumble, mope and be offended
And run endlessly.

I want this, and tomorrow that,
No, it's not like that! And it’s not the same!
And God answered, without hesitation,
Blame yourself! Everything is yours!

I am in boundless surprise,
Forgetting about shyness and honor,
He exclaimed, “Lord, from where,
The Woman takes all this!?”

And I understood God's plan
And I appreciated the subtle humor!
When the truth is simple to me
With a bitter smile HE opened.

And he condescended to explain -
You have to blame yourself for everything!
After all, Girls are my creations,
And you make women...

I have never met a nicer man:
Handsome, charming, very smart
And every morning for no reason
He smiles at me from the mirror!

Icicles are cut with a laser,
Snowflakes stick into your face.
Will I make it to the stop?
Without drowning your boots in the snow?
And at home there’s a plate waiting for me,
A plate of buckwheat with white boula;
There is a rubber warmer in the legs,
And the tapas are soft under the chair.
There are two herrings in the iron bath,
A box with a pitchfork sticks out from there.
There is a glass and a bottle of vodka,
She finished my lunch.
I'll put the brews in a circle,
I will reveal Shevcheny's "Kobzar" -
A poet of the level of Petrara
And Valentina Matviena.

You wake up in the morning, just
take a sip of sour brine,
scrape the stubble off your face -
and pack your backpack for school.

When you look in the portomone,
Where instead of money there is a pile of dust,
Don't say sadly: No! ,
But with gratitude: There were! .

Sometimes you wake up like a bird
Winged spring on edge
And I want to live and work!
But by breakfast it goes away...

You were good, and the night was a success.
By morning, however, it became clear again:
No matter how hot the passion may seem, -
Someday it will be half past six...

The body is sleeping, it is tired, because it was drinking yesterday.
The brain also has no time for the body; its departments are quietly sleeping.
The irrevocable tongue sleeps, but yesterday it was carefree, it spoke nonsense skillfully, but by morning everything was numb.
And the stomach sleeps tired, only the ulcers were missing.
Only the liver can’t sleep - I had to get so drunk.

The birch tree was crying
The gooseberry laughed.
We fought over the cherry
Strawberry and rosehip.
The poplar was cursing,
Sang plum songs.
Here's the thing
Diphenhydramine and beer!!!

Hugging a simple belonging in an armful,
Swinging, without any secrets,
One day, a HAT was walking through the forest,
Purring "RAMSTEIN" under my breath.
Taking a little courage
(she knew a lot about drinks)
She wandered on her own way.
...And here, towards us, is the GRAY WOLF:
- You, HAT, can get lost!
...Or, here I am, drunk in the basement!
- What should I actually be afraid of???
I KNOW THE ROAD. I LOVE SEX

The bear slept in the den for a long time,
Everything stinks - paws, legs,
My ass is shaking, my back is twisting,
Horseradish is sweating, his tummy is swelling,
My eyes are swollen, my fingers are frozen,
The snot is strong, the balls are swollen,
But the moral is already clear
STOP SLEEPING SPRING has come!!!

Eh, my life, tin
Fuck her into the swamp.
Drinking until one in the morning,
Vomiting until half past five.

You're cute above, yes... right here with your hand...
Take your time, smoother, a little lower.
Of course it's convenient for me, dear!
Yes, from the side and a little closer.

Bend over a little and press?! Easily!
How you and I feel about each other!!!
Yes, there are no trifles in this matter!
Here, carefully with your palm, in a circle...

On knees? This is an option!
I'll reach out if I need it for business....
Yes, cat, yes! Got it? You are my giant!!!
Leg-split? Certainly! I wanted it myself!

Hot sweat flows down your delicate skin.
One hundred and twenty poses!
We've got you covered!
Another magical day together...
I'm happy! Wallpaper has been hung.

We cannot take all women as wives at once.
Oh, I wish I knew the sign to choose!
The skinny girl will be cold in bed.
The fat woman barely gets through the door.
The merry one will turn out to be walking,
And with a sad person, sex is once a month, and not more often.
The cold will give you a sore throat.
With a hot one - a scratched back.
Being close to a long-legged one is not easy,
When she wears heels.
The one who is smart will deceive without difficulty.
Living with a stupid person is also nonsense.
A beautiful woman will easily leave for someone else.
And terrible - a shame home.
So we have to, no matter how we look at it,
Just look at the size of her breasts.

I’m writing to you... Yesterday I called...
The other day I sent a fax...
But also with the tears of a crocodile
I wouldn't make you feel sorry for me!
When with a shaking hand
I was typing SMS
You cheated on me with someone else
Captivated by the breadth of bodies...
You didn't run away like a gentleman
One fine day and hour...
No wonder I'm a women's bra
I saw it in your pocket...
I asked you, I’m all on my nerves,
Four more days ago
- Keeping at least a drop of conscience,
Give me two hundred euros, you bastard,
What did they borrow from me...
But you only answer ten bucks,
What was stolen from the purse?
So unexpectedly - by fax!
Yesterday at lunch they sent me...
I imagined you as a hero!
There was a limit to your perfection! ...
BUT YOU ARE A GOAT... I WILL FIND YOU - HURT... I love... I kiss... Tanya L...

The toilets will also have a holiday,
Their New Year's surprise is also waiting for them,
And instead of boring naked asses,
They will see a lot of new faces!

While my wife was splashing in the bathtub,
to sleep better in the evening,
husband according to recent tradition
I decided to visit my neighbor...
Lonely conditional call
rang in an empty apartment,
disappointed man
returned to the room and sat down.
Just from the bathroom at this time
like the Shemokhan princess,
having thrown off the burden of household worries,
the legal wife entered.
In a teasingly light robe,
slim, elastic, young,
devilishly beautiful and, by the way,
as pure as mountain water.
Sighing, the husband weakly engaged
at the sight of his own wife:
"If you were someone else's woman, you wouldn't have any value..."

If you take colored paper
Pen, scissors and glue
And a little more courage
You can make a hundred rubles

As if, without getting your hands dirty with murder,
With eyes as clear as the summer sky,
Load money into suitcases in bundles
And so that there is nothing for it...

Sometimes you wake up like a bird,
The winged spring is on edge.
And I want to live and work,
But by breakfast it goes away.

There are different types of bullshit,
Green and red
But the most dangerous
The garbage is green and red.

At the end of the century he took and overthrew
Evil person Good person.
From a grenade launcher - slap him, the goat!
Therefore, good is stronger than evil.

Call Lada "Mercedes"
This is unlikely to bring good luck
In the meantime, I'm watching with interest
Will it be different with the Police...

Adapted to life
Our mighty people.
Where there is nothing to shave -
Nobody lives there!

My phone rang:
- Who's talking?
- Elephant.
Then the geese called...
When will he let me go?

I'll get up early in the morning,
I'll look at the face.
I won't drink anymore!
But also less...

I'll get up early in the morning,
I'll drink a jar of mercury
And I'm going to die
At this institute...

The wisest bird in the world is the owl
She knows everything, but is very stingy with her words.
The more he learns, the less he talks,
How the hell does the lecturer miss this?

I have a rat in my pocket!
I found her in the forest!
She's wet and bald!
I'm bringing it to you!

If an adult mouse
Take it and hold it carefully,
Stuff it with needles
You will receive a hedgehog.

If this hedgehog
I plugged my nose so I couldn't breathe,
Somewhere deeper, throw it into the river
You will get a ruff.

If this ruff,
With my head in a vice,
Pull the tail harder
You will get a snake.

If this is true,
Having prepared two knives...
However, he will probably die
But the idea is good!

There are so many good girls
So many affectionate names.
And I got it with a disgusting face,
And with a nasty name - Anton.

What kind of torment is this anyway?
Rushing for beer at the speed of sound,
Knowing at the same time that someone, somewhere,
Rushes for beer at the speed of light.

If the girl is free,
If the girl is beautiful,
If a girl has taste,
If a girl is smart...
Fussing around uselessly -
She will make the choice!

In every pretty girl
In every shy little sweetie,
They might be hidden somewhere
Great-grandmother's nasty genes.

Don't envy a friend if the friend is richer
If a friend is more beautiful, if he is smarter.
May his wealth, may his good luck
The straps of your sandals will not be worn out.

Little Petya in lamer chat
He declared his love to the girl Katya.
An unpleasant surprise awaits the gentleman -
“The girl Katya” was the boy Valera.