I don't know how to find a boyfriend. How to find a guy if I'm ugly. Looking for a man correctly, or Which methods are pointless

Where can I find a guy? Often young ladies and mature girls are tormented by this issue, trying to improve their personal lives. Why is that? Men are becoming more and more passive, and to organize their personal lives, it is no longer enough for girls to wait patiently for the prince at the window; everyone should think about where to find a normal guy and how to build further interaction. In principle, before rushing to search for habitats, you need to carefully analyze whether you are missing out on the opportunities offered to you at the moment. If you find yourself at a general party, then you should take the initiative in conversation and exchange of contacts, without fear of seeming stupid or intrusive (many guys are so scared of girls’ independence and their feminist views that they are simply afraid to take another look or show their interest). Don't be afraid of flirting - it's a way of communicating and expressing sympathy that doesn't oblige you to go to bed or.

Where to find a guy for a serious relationship

Communication built on half-hints, communication with glances provides many opportunities for a romance to begin and an equally huge field for maneuver to disappear under the pretext of “it seemed to you” if the candidate is no longer satisfied. Return smiles in public transport and accept help from guys in stores; there is no point in limiting your communication with the opposite sex. Many people don’t know where a girl can find a good guy, but they are sure in advance that this is impossible in certain places - get rid of such stereotypes, because no one is stamped with a quality mark, absolutely anyone can end up in absolutely any place by the will of fate. Don’t close yourself off to the possibilities that surround your everyday life; there are cases where girls marry the driver of a minibus, which they rode every day for five years, but for some reason they believed that their fate awaited them in a completely new and unknown place.

In order not to “miss” the meeting, you should first think about what kind of man you are waiting for, determine for yourself his qualities and appearance, without getting hung up on popular images - remember your past relationships and good friends, your own needs and habits, because these are the criteria the image of the beloved must be built. And then, to expand the possibilities of your meeting, diversify your own route. Many people use the shortest, most proven and convenient paths, and this is typical for the majority, so you run the risk of meeting the same people every day with whom your schedules and routes coincide, and only sometimes their number will be diluted by citizens who accidentally get into this stream . It’s worth diversifying this trend yourself by periodically changing routes, alternating types of transport and walking. Don’t look for your betrothed in every passerby; rather, enjoy the change of scenery, notice the details and rejoice at the little variety that has appeared in your life.

Go to new movies and buy groceries in different stores - let it turn into a kind of game for you to combat boredom. Go out for a walk and go where you haven’t been before, turn into tempting streets, perhaps in an unknown alley, buying radishes in a new store, some guy will come up to you with the phrase “I haven’t seen you here before.” By the way, in order for a guy to approach you first, it’s better to walk alone; flocks of cheerful girlfriends scare guys away.

Meet people, because the more acquaintances you have, the faster and more extensively your sphere of communication expands, besides, many understand that if the girl is alone, then it is quite possible to invite your free friends to the next general party. You will not be openly matched, but such tendencies still appear. Increasing the number of acquaintances can also include increasing your hobbies, if it is difficult for you to simply get acquainted for no reason. Go to a place where people who support your interests gather, and communication will begin on its own.

You don’t need to look for a guy yourself or filter in a place where he can be and sit there for days, you need to set aside time and situational opportunities in your own life for his appearance, because if you have a time pressure schedule, a scheduled route and one friend, only An emergency worker rescuing you from a burning office.

Girls have a lot of opportunities to pick up a guy, but where can a girl find a good guy who wants a serious relationship when all dating places are nightclubs and bars with the corresponding ensuing consequences remains a question. Remember that if you are going to get a worthy and serious young man, you must meet the same characteristics, and also be able to attract attention with something other than a short skirt. If for a cheerful club guy you can become attractive with a bright appearance and by lighting a cigarette, then such behavior sends a signal to a serious man that this woman is of no value or interest, is available to everyone in this establishment, and therefore is not suitable for him. He may be sitting in the same club, celebrating a friend’s birthday, but seeing such an image, he will not be interested in you, so initially work on yourself.

It is not so much important where you meet and where to go in search of a decent person (and you can meet a scumbag in the library), but what type of person you are signaling with your own appearance and behavior. Direct your own energy not to the pursuit of fashion, but to internal and intellectual development, which will help extend your communication beyond ten minutes, and if you start to seriously engage in your own inner world, then events and institutions related to this will form your social circle, in which the percentage of men striving for spiritual development and a responsible attitude towards life will be significantly higher than on a bench in a public garden.

Geolocations marked by Google with tips on where you won’t find a normal guy are simply impossible, even asking others will reveal completely different places, all because people are diverse in their manifestations and movements, and you shouldn’t miss a chance. But there are certain general statistics that many married couples met thanks to their mutual acquaintances. The mechanism is quite simple - if this is a friend of your friends, then the likelihood of his integrity is much higher than just a stranger on the street, since he has already been verified and chosen by those people who are pleasant to you. There is a high probability that he has known your friends not since childhood, but thanks to common views on life or hobbies, leisure preferences, etc., which will not only bring you closer together faster, but will also increase the likelihood of common aspirations. Do not refuse invitations to holidays and entertainment, as well as requests for help. By helping, for example, pack things when moving, you can meet other friends of your acquaintances, celebrate a housewarming together, and immediately discern a person in everyday life and at work. In short, everything related to interaction with pleasant and familiar people works in your favor in finding a suitable and reliable guy.

Take a closer look at the guys from your work or school, most likely you have not considered many of them before, hanging the label of collegial communication, but it is the working relationship that most deeply characterizes a person. Instead of hasty dates, you have a fairly decent time reserve for getting closer through friendship and assessing his qualities, observing from the side. Joint mountain hikes, hiking, kayaking - you just need to choose a group where the instructor will not be the only man, and not paired family tours.

Where to find a guy if you don't go anywhere

Of course, the more places a girl visits, the greater the chances that when she leaves there she will make new acquaintances, and not necessarily with the opposite sex. But there are situations when you want a relationship and the warm participation of another person, too, but at the same time there is either no opportunity to attend events (for example, due to the financial side of the issue or the lack of such in the place where the girl lives) or time (busy work schedule, with fitness center and after treatments).

Various specialized services come to the aid of those who have no access to dating in a real personal meeting. The most powerful in its manifestation, perhaps, is a marriage agency, where they will collect your preferences, personal qualities and after some time will lay out a selection of candidates in front of you. Then there are meetings specializing in dating, such as speed dating, where single people come with a specific and identical goal - creating relationships. But not many girls will decide to resort to such services, where everything is done for them, because of material investments, inflated pride or.

There are online dating sites that do a very good job of connecting people, but the disadvantage of these programs is that it is analogous to dating in a nightclub, i.e. all that shines after meeting in reality is a couple of dates and a couple of nights with intimacy; long-term and serious relationships that begin after dating on specialized sites, of course, happen, but the percentage is extremely small. The best alternative is social networks, where the people with whom you communicate are your friends or acquaintances of your friends. You can also start a conversation with a previously unknown person, to which comment he responded to you in the group to which you are subscribed. The strategy of adding all the cute guys is ineffective - communicate with those who are related to your interests and to whom you can motivate your first message with something more than “you have a pretty face.”

The feeling that you are nowhere is deceptive; most likely, you go to work or college, buy groceries or shampoo, router adjusters and repairmen come to you. Avoiding contact with the outside world is quite problematic, so you should take a closer look at how the men around you look at you; perhaps the guy on the next treadmill has been going to the gym for a month just for you, and you are constantly with a businesslike expression on your face and headphones in your ears. Let the world contact you, be smiling and nice, even running out of the house for fifteen minutes, it is quite possible that your future prince will help you get a bottle of milk from the top shelf.

Friends, this is not an article of an applied nature. There are no specifics or step-by-step instructions on how to find happiness. The article is the author’s reflections without any claim to originality or genius. Low expectations are the key to restful sleep. :)

Introduction

My friends are divided into two camps: while some willingly share their experiences and give wise advice on how to get married, others sigh that there are no normal men left in this world.

You know, if I didn’t personally know these all-around beautiful girls from the group of disappointed people, I could safely assume that they overprice themselves or leave no chance for normal guys. But it seems that the matter is different.

Maybe some girls just tend to notice the wrong men? We fall in love with the wrong people, and then we ourselves suffer and cry at night. Yes, of course, there are not the simplest situations in life. But, to be honest, it doesn’t happen that one person is to blame.

Where to find a normal guy

Well, okay, “one day you took it and grew up. I understood and accepted that you like pompous assholes. But you get tired of this too. Any drama, even the most florid one, sometimes gets boring, and you want something normal and real. And here a reasonable question arises: where and how to find a normal guy?

If there was some magical place, some kind of place where all normal men would be hidden, then, probably, the girls would already be lining up worse than for clothes from the new H&M collection with some famous designer. Girls who graduated from the courses of the guru of women's practices Pavel Rakov would definitely be brought there on special buses, and all the broken hearts would be sent for forced rehabilitation.

Alas, there is no such place of concentrated male power. Well, or I don’t know about him. It is clear that all key life encounters always occur completely randomly and unpredictably. But here is a simple applied question: is it possible to increase this probability artificially?

Girlish thoughts out loud

I went to the people (on Telegram) and wrote to my friends asking them to tell me where they generally met and looked for non-random connections. The girls’ reaction was funny: from “Well, we communicated normally, An, why are you starting” to “Very difficult question. I’ve never met anyone who’s normal.” A friend summed it up, writing: “Oh, Anh, normal guys are an endangered species.”

Among the popular answers to the question of where to meet, if you are very lucky, were university, work, interest clubs, car services, sports clubs, friendly parties, bars and cafes. One friend suggested that Romeo could safely stand guard at some fashionable intellectual parties, although the girl herself admitted that she “doesn’t work yet.”

Places vs lifehacks

So what can help you meet a normal dude?

1. Dream of meeting HIM. Be disappointed and don't expect anything

It is very important to live with the thought that somewhere in this huge world there is definitely HE, with whom you feel fun, comfortable, free and cool, like with friends. At the same time, there is no idealization of the world here. We all always fall in love with the wrong people, and many girls are more afraid of falling in love than guys. In life, everything probably comes when you let go. You will be disappointed in everything and stupidly score, not expecting anything.

Usually the most amazing stories come out when I’m not even sure that he will call back after the date.

In general, you just need to believe that one day you will meet someone with whom you can be yourself. The one who loves your friends. The one with whom you can breathe easily. And if you’ve already met him, he won’t let you leave (read: don’t let him go for anything). At the same time, special emphasis is placed on the fact that it is advisable to be disappointed in everything and not wait before the cherished meeting. Just live, and then, you see, the prince is on the horizon.

2. Visualize

If you don’t know where are you going, you might end up somewhere else.

The main idea: in order to find something, we need to clearly know what we are actually looking for. They say that visualization is something that really works.

So, girls, you need to really tune in to the right zen and imagine the one you want to be with, what you ultimately want from him. You imagine all the important qualities of the betrothed, but, most importantly, not from the opposite, that is, without any “not” particles. For example, if you want a tall brunette, ask for a tall brunette, and not “not a blonde of average height, the main thing is that he is not very short.” Only real qualities, without negativity and denial. And then you write all this on a piece of paper and send a message to the Universe, which will definitely not let you down. Yes, it may take her some time to find the guy of her dreams. But Moscow, you know, was not built right away.

The most important thing: don’t get confused in the readings, girls! We ask for the same thing, we say it out loud, otherwise the Universe will get confused.

Another life hack: sometimes it’s useful to ask friends to introduce you to someone, well, to test the charm. The main thing is not to be friends: it doesn’t work. Just guy friends.

3. Don't be afraid to take the first step

It's funny that there are two diametrically opposed opinions on this matter. One friend (married, raising a son) has long been urging everyone and me to forget about social conventions and says that in fact, in her life situation, she took the first step, and she does not regret anything. Another friend (not married, no boyfriend) recently came to the conclusion that all her first steps did not lead to anything good.

I do not have a personal significant record of first steps to judge their success. But, I admit, I myself was always afraid to take the first step. It seemed that if the guy doesn’t do it himself, then he probably doesn’t need it. Why should I offer something that he potentially doesn’t need? My mother always told me: “Never ask for anything, everyone will come and give it themselves.” So: they won’t give it.

Girls, maybe you, like me, live with the philosophy of a proud heron, and normal guys don’t even realize that we might like them?

4. Sign up for Tinder already

Don’t forget that many guys are also tormented by the question: where to find a normal girl? And, as my statistics of guy friends show, many of the quite normal dudes register for general fun. What if you are the one with whom you not only have fun, but also happily ever after?

And so you dreamed, visualized, realized that the first step is not scary. Come on, act! Forward to the barricades!

And yes, I wouldn’t believe it myself if the number of “met on Tinder - happy together for 2, 3, years” stories among my own acquaintances had not grown exponentially. Important: Tinder is an example of an easy way to get dates. It doesn't matter where you find them, what matters is that you go to them at all.

A reasonable question: can something normal come out of dating on the Internet? I’ll answer with the words of my friend Christina’s American uncle, who recently wrote on my Facebook wall and instantly became a favorite of my friends:

Gay guys often suffer from loneliness. Firstly, there are not very many gays, and secondly, most of them behave like straight people so as not to become outcasts from society. That's why the question arises of how a guy can find a guy. The situation is further complicated by the fact that approaching a handsome young man and asking for his phone number is not easy, and sometimes even dangerous. So, for example, you can confuse a gay man with a straight man and learn a lot of “new things” about yourself, and this is even in the best case. After all, some guys can beat you up because they consider the situation offensive. However, there are several ways to date safely.

How can a guy find a guy in his circle?

First of all, you should pay attention to your surroundings. Among your friends and acquaintances there may be a young man of unconventional orientation. You should sit down and analyze their actions, behavior, hobbies, etc. Based on this data, it is possible to draw conclusions and identify a gay person. Just don’t come to him and tell him that he is open and offer to meet. In this case, the reaction may be ambiguous. It’s better to ask a friend to help fix something in the house, and then act according to the situation. You will also be able to confirm or refute your suspicions.

Dating websites

In order not to waste time finding out which of your friends is gay, you can go the other way. The easiest way is to register on dating sites and view user profiles. So, for example, when filling them out on such resources, there is an item called “sexual preferences.” Of course, many do not fill it out, but there are also those who are not afraid to openly declare their sexual orientation. On such sites there is a search based on specified criteria; thanks to him, it will be possible to find many young people with non-traditional orientation. Subsequently, you will only need to choose those guys who you liked the most.

This method of dating is very popular, because you can safely write a letter to a guy without fear that he will shower insults in response. After all, people come to such resources to look for their soulmate, so you can quickly make acquaintances without hiding your true intentions. Moreover, the user of the resource does not feel psychological discomfort, so the relationship develops quite rapidly.

Gay clubs

Modern society is quite warm towards representatives of non-traditional orientation. For this reason, in large cities there are gay clubs where anyone can find a guy. Only gays or bisexuals go to such places, so meeting the man of your dreams will be quite easy. Moreover, the very atmosphere in such establishments is conducive to making acquaintances and flirting.

You can, for example, approach a guy you like and invite him to dance. Surely he won't refuse. After a fiery dance, you should drink a cocktail and strike up a casual conversation. If you like the person as an interlocutor, you can exchange phone numbers and arrange a meeting. And if you're lucky, you'll be able to leave the party arm-in-arm with your new boyfriend.

Swinger parties

Often on the Internet you can come across advertisements about swingers’ evenings in safe houses and saunas, to which people of unconventional orientation are invited. It makes sense to go to them and meet a young man. You may be able to find a partner for a long-term relationship. However, most often such parties are attended by those who just want sex without obligations. For this reason, you should not hope that after a night of love the blue-eyed handsome man will call back. But still, there are exceptions in life, and when all resources are exhausted, you can go to such parties. If you can’t find a guy, then at least the evening won’t be wasted and you can have fun.

Ecology of life. People: IT manager and musician Sergei Lavrinenko wrote about where it is better for girls to meet for a serious relationship. We decided that some of our readers might find this information useful.

IT manager and musician Sergei Lavrinenko wrote about where it is better for girls to meet for a serious relationship. We decided that some of our readers might find this information useful.

Many single ladies I know complain about difficulties in finding grooms. Of course, in the “work-home-work” mode, the likelihood of meeting a normal candidate is limited to colleagues, VKontakte and pick-up artists in the subway. If you have a personal car, then things are even worse. Well, I’ll try to help you avoid common mistakes and find really worthwhile places to meet.

Let's start with a list of places where I highly recommend not looking for men: gyms, football and “near-football”, fishing, biker parties, etc. Your intentions without a sincere passion for the subject will be revealed in one second, and most men go to these This is not a place to be distracted by women, so you will be disappointed.

And here are the top 10 places where, in my opinion, you can find normal men for a serious relationship.

Facebook.“VKontakte” is for a younger audience, “Odnoklassniki” is for an older audience, and smart young people communicate more often on FB. A distinctive feature of Facebook is that many smart and successful people maintain real accounts there. Feel free to subscribe to them, watch who likes them, and then go through the profiles. There are usually few photos on Facebook, and in real life the guy may not turn out to be the same as on the Internet - this is one of the disadvantages. But in general, this is the most adequate option from an online search, certainly better than dating sites.

IT conferences. There are crowds of programmers walking around there, few girls and a relaxed atmosphere. But not everything is so simple: firstly, you should choose a conference with an after-party. Or at least with long coffee breaks, otherwise you simply won’t be able to meet anyone. Secondly, you need to understand a little about the subject (which is difficult for an outsider when it comes to technical things). Therefore, study the subject, the topics of the speaker, look at the most common problems in the area being discussed, formulate a question and ask it to the speaker. Your attention is guaranteed. By the way, the scheme works with any conferences. But regarding IT - remember that most programmers are introverts, so take the initiative into your own hands right away.

Mind games. Gather your team (or find an existing one) and come play sports “What? Where? When?” Despite the stereotypes, it’s not nerds who hang out here, but successful and promising young people. The downside is that you need to have a very broad outlook and erudition, otherwise you simply won’t be able to play.

Encounter. Don't want to play "What? Where? When"? Drive your car through the city at night, solve crazy puzzles, and at the end hang out with guys from other teams, discussing the game. There are a lot of interesting guys there, and they all have cars (just kidding). And shared emotions are an excellent basis for bringing each other closer together. Cons: you will have to run, crawl, climb, often in the mud. And all this in the dead of night.

Rope jumping. This is a daytime option, but for more extreme girls. First of all, it's safe, so don't be afraid. Secondly, the ropejumper crowd is quite friendly and there are clearly more guys there than girls. This option is not for the cowardly, but if you get involved, you will forget about the men, it’s like a drug.

American football. There is no point in going to regular football - except perhaps to amateur leagues, where it is fun and there is no line between a fan and a football player. But going to a Litwins team game and watching this spectacle is very interesting and promising. I’m not a deep expert on this crowd, but as far as I know, it’s a lot of fun there and the fans are as harsh as the athletes.

Knight clubs. Oh, this is a bottomless source of testosterone adepts. Grown men fight side by side in iron armor, and noble minstrels sing of their exploits. And, of course, a good knight needs ladies, so attention is guaranteed. This option is not for sissies - you will have to endure all the hardships of camping life. And get ready to sew the dress.

Hiking. Drinking in the forest with a tent for three days and playing volleyball is not a camping trip, but a circus. Real tourists roam mountains and thickets, carry heavy backpacks and tents for days, and all this happens largely for the sake of the process itself. But marriages among tourists, as a rule, are the strongest - if you can live in the mud in the rain in the forest for several days, then in everyday life - even more so.

Belarusian language courses. The national youth organization is taking up these measures and abbreviations. Often the activities are attended by different, distinguished people: Spartans, masters, artists. I, at home, there are meetings of a bunch of intelligent hacks. Taksama movu native padvuchytse, shto nya ests kepska.

Bike rides. If you want to join the cycling community, then you will definitely need legs of steel and endurance. But the advantages are obvious - by cycling regularly, you not only run the risk of meeting athletic and intelligent men, but you will also pump up your muscles well. Start with cycling communities and ask for recommendations for a bike to buy - you'll already get a ton of attention.

And the last thing: it’s better not to mess with musicians. Especially with rock musicians.published

Single girls are often worried about their single status and want to find a guy. Moreover, for them it seems like a difficult task. But is everything so complicated? Despite the fact that “according to statistics, there are 9 guys for 10 girls,” it is possible to find a guy and not while away the evenings alone.

How to find?

First, you should clearly understand what kind of person you would like to see next to you. One of the basic recommendations here is to look for people of your own level of values. Remember the people you met before, formulate what did not suit you in these relationships. Understanding at the first stage what character traits the chosen one should and should not have is the key to the success of normal subsequent relationships.

This is one of the most important points.

Very often, girls are guided by the principle “move away, good, kind guy” and fix their gaze on a person who can be hurt in the expectation that he will pay attention/call/consider you as his princess. In such cases, I would like to recommend working on yourself or turning to a specialist (psychologist). The fact is that in fact there are a large number of normal men around who are interested in relationships, and if you don’t notice them, it means you simply don’t want to see them. And if you pay attention only to those who will inevitably make you suffer, then you are subconsciously tuned to precisely such “relationships.” This may hide your problems with self-esteem or the idea that a healthy, smooth relationship is boring and insipid (this is another diagnosis - neurotic love). In any case, I would like to say that a long-term relationship in a couple “energy vampire - victim” will not lead to anything good, and will further undermine the victim’s self-esteem.

Again, about self-esteem. The fact that you don’t have a boyfriend today is not a reason to turn your attention to inadequate men, thinking that at least there will be someone. If your partner does not suit you, then you will destroy yourself in this relationship. At the same time, the prince is not only a collective image, but also a fabulous one. No matter how old you are, you should understand that there are real people in real life.

What do you look like?

Perhaps the soul of a person is the main thing, but it is necessary that they still wanted to consider it. Therefore, looking your best is your responsibility, regardless of whether you have a significant other or not. Some girls think that this is the main thing. Therefore, they choose a clothing style characterized by a minimum of closed body, adding to this provocative makeup and the same manner of communication.

We should not forget that the first acquaintance sets a certain level in your relationship. And the impression you made will be the main thing that guides the man. If you show with all your appearance that you are not against easy and fast-growing relationships, a man will see exactly this (why should he complicate things?) and do not be surprised later by asking why they all want only one thing from you.

In general, balance is needed everywhere - don’t hang yourself on a man, but don’t push him away either. A woman should not be able to see that a man has made her happy with his attention. This should be the norm for you. Communicate smoothly, kindly, with a smile and always with a sense of humor.

Don’t forget that the guy is also looking for a girl who will meet certain of his ideas. Therefore, it’s time to think about what you would like to be and strive for your ideal. Intersection points always increase the likelihood of deeper relationships, and working on yourself will distract you from painful, lonely thoughts. As a rule, girls who love and respect themselves, are attentive to their time and development, are valued by men much higher than those who are ready to run out on a date at the first whistle.

Therefore, in the pursuit of personal happiness, do not forget about yourself; on the contrary, give yourself maximum attention.

Where can I find a guy?

It’s difficult to give any advice here, because you can meet a person anywhere – even while going to the store for bread. It is important not to close yourself off from the world and not sit at home all the time. For those who have decided to find love on the Internet, I would like to wish them to be careful and not to forget that: firstly, you should never fall in love by correspondence (this happens to girls), and secondly, it is extremely rare that what we imagine we imagine it corresponds to reality. The more active your life is, the more friends you will have.

If you recently broke up with your boyfriend, don't think that he is your destiny and you will never be happy without him. This is 100% wrong. Therefore, just leave the house and walk where you are interested: cinema, exhibitions, museums, attend the openings of new establishments in your city. It shouldn't be an end in itself to cover everything that's going on, but don't miss out on the things that really interest you.

Larisa, Dolgoprudny