How to loosen up and stop being constrained. How to relax in bed: useful recommendations. Set yourself a challenge

A woman’s emotional constriction directly affects the quality of her sex life. Sometimes it is one of the main reasons for decreased libido and the development of frigidity. In order to achieve sexual arousal and conduct full sexual intercourse, the patient needs to feel free and relaxed. Important complete confidence in attractiveness for your man.

To increase libido, various stimulants are used, which ensure high sensitivity of erogenous zones, tone the nervous system, and reduce nervous tension.

Stimulants help you relax

Where do complexes come from?

You can understand where the complexes come from after analyzing the characteristics of the character and behavior of each person individually. Psychologists identify a number of factors that affect not only a woman’s self-esteem, but also her behavior with her partner. In their opinion, the main reason for complexes lies in problems from childhood.

Even if a woman objectively evaluates her attractive appearance, low self-esteem and shyness of figure can be the result of ridicule and insults in adolescence. Unfortunately, after becoming an adult and improving the quality of her body, it is not so easy for a woman to get rid of old complexes and habits. Constrained behavior in bed may be the result of a strict or religious upbringing, when the girl was criticized by her parents for the slightest manifestation of sexuality.

Psychotherapy and self-improvement help solve problems of this nature. Taking pathogens in this case will allow you to quickly get rid of complexes and improve your quality of life.

Video on how to relax

A woman talks about the types of female complexes.

Advice for modest women on how to behave more relaxed:

Following these tips is quite difficult, since they require serious work on yourself. The efforts made play an important role in the fight against one’s own shortcomings and complexes, which reduce the quality of not only sexual intercourse, but also life in general.

Aphrodisiacs help you relax

The use of female pathogens

The use of female pathogens is effective in cases of permanent or episodic decline in sexual function. The mechanism of their action is to stimulate the process of contraction of the smooth muscles of the vagina, as well as to activate blood flow in the pelvic organs.

Such drugs help to increase the tone and elasticity of the soft tissues of the vagina, increase the sensitivity of erogenous zones, and restore the functioning of the autonomic nervous system. Under the influence of pathogens, a person increases physical activity and endurance, and sexual intimacy lasts longer and becomes as sensual as possible.

For example, let's look at Spanish Fly drops. They cause strong sexual desire, acting within five to ten minutes.

The product effectively combats various forms of frigidity, is suitable for women of all ages and is not physically addictive. It contains natural ingredients. That is why the drops have a small number of contraindications and adverse reactions.

Prices and names of effective pathogens

Here you can find prices and names of effective stimulants for women.

Ways to become relaxed in bed

To become relaxed in bed, you should choose the right stimulant for yourself. Before purchasing, it is recommended to pay attention to the composition: the more organic substances it contains, the less aggressive it will act on the human body. It is important to familiarize yourself with the list of contraindications and restrictions for use, as well as find out about the compatibility of the pathogen with the medications you are taking.

An excellent remedy for increasing libido, which has a quick and safe effect on the body, is Silver Fox - a dietary supplement sold in powder form. The product contains:

1. guarana;
2. Damiana;
3. muira-puama.

The pathogen begins to work ten minutes after administration, acting for four hours. During this time, the muscles of the genital organ become elastic, and the healthy process of producing vaginal secretion is restored. The drug is not addictive and does not accumulate in plasma. It can be taken regularly as it has good drug compatibility.

The stimulant begins to increase libido a few minutes after administration

Becoming sexy with the help of natural stimulants

Becoming sexual with the help of natural stimulants is simple, because their action reduces nervous tension in the human body. G Female has an excellent stimulating effect. It quickly activates blood circulation in the reproductive and genitourinary systems, causing strong sexual arousal.

The product contains high-quality organic components that have a gentle effect on the human body. G Female helps increase the duration of sex, combats chronic vaginal dryness and improves the general well-being of the patient.

Rendez Vous are drops based on natural ingredients designed to stimulate the organs of the reproductive system. The effect of the product appears five minutes after administration and lasts about four hours. The drops have not only stimulating, but also anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties. Their active components have a positive effect on the state of the nervous system.

Forte Love is a modern stimulant in powder form that helps you become relaxed and self-confident, improves the functioning of the circulatory system, and also increases the level of sensitivity of the zones. The advantage of this drug is its powerful composition of natural ingredients, which improves the functioning of the reproductive system. By taking the product regularly, the patient has the opportunity to easily and quickly normalize her well-being.

Video on how a girl can be more active in bed

In this video you can see how a girl can be more sexy and active in bed.

When a woman says: “I’m embarrassed to relax in bed,” this means that she is overcome by complexes associated with the following problems:

1. Rejection of your body.

A squeezed, shy woman believes that she is far from the perfection that is imposed by modeling agencies, glossy magazines, television and cinema. Afraid of appearing unsexy or being rejected, the partner goes to bed in a nightgown in complete darkness, trying to pull the blanket higher.

2. Psychological trauma.

If a girl has been sexually assaulted or abused, she will not open up to men. The psyche includes protection from repetitions of negative situations. Girls experience prolonged stress during their first unsuccessful sexual intercourse, experiencing pain and humiliation.

They cause rejection of intimacy, mistrust and tightness, resentment, insults inflicted by a beloved husband.

3. Parental influence.

A girl who is not loved by her father, or who was raised by a man-hating mother, will not become a woman who relates well to the stronger sex.

Improper upbringing, excessive demands on the child, frequent punishments, lack of affection and praise lead to complexes for many years. Such women consider sexuality, given by nature, to be something shameful that must be deeply hidden from prying eyes.

4. Ignorance of male anatomy of the body.

This applies to young girls just entering into adult relationships. Without studying the characteristics of the male body and the preferences of the stronger sex, they become constrained and do not know what to do given their inexperience.

By transforming emotional problems into control over every movement and word during sexual intercourse, women make intimacy unemotional and routine.

Sex with a notorious girl does not give the couple complete pleasure in intimacy. Do not put up with this state of affairs, make every effort to develop full-fledged, trusting relationships.

How to relax in bed

1. Love and accept yourself.

Ideal girls only exist in pictures, so treat yourself easier. Love your wrinkles, freckles and other small flaws that exist in reality or only in your imagination.

Walk around the apartment naked, look at yourself in the mirror. Gradually you will get used to your appearance. Men's logic is simple and straightforward, unlike women's. If a guy wants sex, then everything suits him. And believe me, he will not look at a hump nose or small breasts during physical intimacy. Men don't focus on individual parts of the body, but perceive you as a whole.

Learn to accept compliments with dignity. If a guy is interested in you, then the praise will be sincere. Don't try to convince him otherwise.

Otherwise, after a short time after making suggestions about the shortcomings of your body, your partner will look at you with different eyes and may be disappointed.

2. Improve your appearance.

• If the figure is not slim enough, then to raise self-esteem it is necessary to correct it. For this purpose, there are gyms, parks with jogging tracks, swimming pools, and saunas.
• Men love well-groomed female bodies, soft and smooth skin. Get waxing, manicure, pedicure. Visit beauty salons, take care of your hair, use cosmetics for your body and face. Do not forget to apply makeup appropriate to the place and time of day.
• Go to the beach, to the solarium. A tanned body looks sexier and hides minor imperfections.
• Review your wardrobe. Buy high-heeled shoes that show off your slender legs, wear dresses that highlight your figure.

These actions will lift you up, help you relax in bed, feel attractive and sexy.

Confident girls declare with their appearance that they are the best. Guys are attracted to such people. Intimate intimacy with them raises self-esteem and belief in exceptional sexual capabilities.

3. Visit dance studios.

The development of plasticity and the ability to move beautifully helps to overcome timidity, embarrassment and tightness. Please note that it is not sport, but dance that reveals the feminine essence and attractiveness, allows the soul and body to exist harmoniously. By moving her hips, the girl relieves tension, which is transformed into sexual energy.

To develop sensuality and flexibility, classes in oriental belly dancing, incendiary dancing: Latin, twerking, strip dancing are suitable.

Pair dancing teaches you to interact with your partner, understand and anticipate his desires. During intense movements, you lose excess weight and train proper breathing during intense physical activity.

Dancing classes significantly increase self-esteem, which eliminates tightness and shyness during intimacy.

4. Buy some sexy lingerie.

In relationships between the sexes, every little thing is important. To feel attractive, choose plain lingerie with transparent inserts, lace, and rhinestones. The most passionate color is red and all its shades. Black lingerie, an elasticated belt, and lace stockings evoke sexual fantasies in men.

5. Become sexually literate.

• Learn the intricacies of the science of lovemaking by reading specialized literature, watching erotic films, and attending trainings. Bring theoretical knowledge into practice.
• To achieve maximum satisfaction, explore your body, determine which type of stimulation excites you more. Tell your partner about this.
• Develop sensitivity. Sleep naked, take relaxing baths, use aromatic oils, perfumes with pheromones.
• Learn to communicate with a man about what brings you and him the most satisfaction. Don't fake an orgasm. Otherwise, the guy will think that he is good in bed without much effort and foreplay to prepare you for sexual intercourse.

Practice disconnecting from external stimuli, completely dissolve in sensations and emotions.

There are special techniques for relaxation and exclusion of distractions from consciousness. Practice these exercises regularly so that during sexual intercourse you will be completely relaxed and not shy in bed.

If your partner sees that you are trying to learn something new, he will definitely meet you halfway.

6. Visit a psychologist.

Past experiences of unsuccessful sexual relationships, violence, parental dislike, and puritanical upbringing do not go away on their own and are not erased from memory.

If, during physical intimacy with a man, negative lessons from the past do not allow you to relax, contact a professional psychologist.

After completing the course of treatment, you will become liberated not only in sex, but also when communicating with people in everyday life.

TOP 5 ways to relax in bed and stop being ashamed of your body

We create an environment that helps you not be shy in bed

A properly created intimate environment relaxes, does not allow you to be distracted by external factors, and allows you to completely dissolve in sensations and emotions.

When you don’t know what to do, ancient treatises on the art of love come to the rescue. They say that sex requires three main components - diffused mysterious light, beautiful fabrics and exciting smells.

1. Bedroom decoration.

The bedroom should be clean, uncluttered, with indoor plants placed everywhere. Beautiful vases with fresh flowers and the use of oriental incense are welcome. An intimate atmosphere is created by a low bed and furniture.

Curtain the windows with beautiful flowing curtains. The color of the walls, flooring and window curtains should be in harmony with each other. The combination of lilac and violet colors relaxes and calms.

Mirrors expand space and multiply passion. They make you forget about constraint and false modesty.

2. Bedding.

Make your love bed spacious and soft. Pillows of different sizes help you take the desired position during sex. Buy bedding from natural materials, they retain human warmth.

Pay attention to bed linen. Men are aroused by red and brown sheets made of cotton and silk. Pleasant to the touch, they increase desire when touching a naked body.

3. Scattered light.

Replace bright electric light with a night light. It will become a source of stimulation for a man to have sex, and will allow you not to be ashamed of your imperfect body and to feel more confident.

The crackling of wood in the fireplace is soothing and conducive to intimacy. If there is no fireplace, light candles.

4. The influence of odors.

Smells play a big role in the perception of sexual partners. Don't crowd your dressing table with too many bottles. Choose the only scent that suits you, which will significantly increase your sexual attractiveness. If perfume is used correctly, it can be felt at a distance of no more than half a meter.

Essential oils highlight and enhance natural odors. Rose, patchouli, geranium, ylang-ylang, and vanilla are considered the most sexy. They increase sensuality, liberate amber and musk in the perfume.

To make your sheets smell fragrant, place a herbal sachet in a closet drawer. The most powerful aphrodisiac for men is the smell of cinnamon. Regardless of what its source is - fresh baked goods, an aroma bath or a drop of ether on the sheet, a man will be aroused by such an environment.

5. Music.

Turn on some soft music. To liberate yourself and create an environment conducive to sex, use jazz saxophone improvisations, classical sonatas by Wagner, Beethoven, or modern rhythms that awaken desire.

6. Outdoor sex.

In addition to a cozy home “nest,” have sex in the wild. Unforgettable impressions will remain in memory for many years. How can sex in a natural environment help modest women?

In nature, there are no mirrors with imperfect reflections, a TV with Hollywood beauties, or thin walls through which the ubiquitous neighbors can hear moans. There is only you and your beloved man.

Sex in the open air provides invaluable experience. A couple who interacts with the energy of nature during intimacy reveals their full sexual potential.

To become the most desirable and attractive for a man, to forget about fears and tightness in bed, every woman goes through her own path. The main thing is to act and not stand still. By correcting yourself externally and solving psychological problems, you will learn to trust your partner. Do not forget that a harmonious intimate life is the key to a strong and strong relationship.

Useful articles:

Ask yourself these questions. Find out for yourself:

• Why are you shy?
• What is the reason that you cannot let go and fully express yourself now?

The answer is obvious:

1. You care about what others think of you.
2. Other people's opinions force you to adapt to society.
3. The opinions of others limit and constrain you; because of it, you do not know how to become relaxed in communication and be yourself.

Answer these questions to overcome shyness

Understand that if you care about other people's opinions, you will be the one who always reacts to others and depends on others.

Reality will be dictated to you, and you will adapt to people.

Ask yourself:

• Do you need this kind of life?
• Do you want to forever be the one who is afraid of other people's opinions and limits himself in everything?
• What will this give you if you continue to be shy?
• Will this help you in any way?
• What do I need to do to be free from everything limiting?

If, for example, you are a guy and don’t know how to stop being shy about girls, then take a pencil and paper and answer these questions to yourself in writing. Do the analysis.

You limit yourself and attach importance to other people's opinions

Ask yourself:

“Who is the one who is stopping you from becoming a more liberated person?”

Answer- « You yourself!»

Don't play the role of the little man

1. You're the one who gave too much weight to someone else's opinion.
2. It was you who decided to become shy.
3. Everyone plays roles without realizing that they are roles.
4. It was you who chose to play the role of a pathetic person.
5. You yourself want to believe in the importance of someone else’s opinion - this is their power.

Don't ask people for permission to be that person.

Don’t ask people for permission to be that confident and free person.

Allow yourself to be it!

It's time to stop taking information second-hand and start thinking for yourself.

These are only your actions and zero actions from life.

What you need to do and realize:

There will always be people who hate you

There will always be those people who hate you and who is angry with you.

There will always be those who don't like you.

It's not even worth wasting your time on such people.

I would rather do what I do and have fun than sit and discuss behind the back of a person going towards his goal.

Advanced analysis: is what is bothering you real?

Ask yourself questions:

Answers:

1. It's your insecurity.
2. Exaggerated fears.
3. Fear of public opinion.
4. Thoughts.
5. Parenting.
6. Social programming.

It's up to you to choose whether to believe in limitations or not.

TYou choose: either believe into what society and your parents instilled in you, or not.

Be beyond the social matrix.

You create your own world

The whole world is your movie, your world, your reality. Society and its opinions are outside your reality.

You choose your environment, not the other way around.

Give up thoughts about the future and expectations that someone will help you or tell you how to open up in communication with people and solve your problems.

Who will help you is yourself! You are the generator of your own actions.

All you can lose is your own lack of freedom

What happens if you:

• will you act in a way that is not accepted by society?
• Will you seem like a fool in the eyes of others?
• if they point a finger at you?
• what if they refuse you?

Answer: « NOTHING will happen!»

And even more: you will lose your old limiting beliefs!

You want it ⇒ you do it ⇒ you get it.

You're being bothered by something that doesn't exist, or by yourself

All the limitations that your mind creates - they don't exist!

Abuse, negativity, disapproval, evil and other rubbish. Everything that prevents you from turning your ideas into reality, focusing on action and becoming relaxed in communication - none of this exists.

Get out of the herd mentality.

It turns out that what prevents you from stopping being shy and modest is either yourself or something that does not exist.

Don't believe in something that doesn't exist. Believe in yourself.

There are no restrictions.

Video “The guy does what he wants”

In the next video, the liberated Internet star dances to “gangam style” with a naked torso in the metropolis, and he does a great job. In my opinion, from birth he never had problems with how to overcome shyness and self-doubt and never asked these questions.

Important awareness: how not to depend on other people's opinions

This is the key! This is what the most important understanding where people fail.

Don't be fueled by good reactions! Absolutely! DO NOT let the praise get to you! Don’t let anything external dictate and paint your personality, even if it’s good words of praise about you. You should not receive anything from the outside to confirm your confidence! Simply put: you don’t need people to validate your worth!

This is where dependence on other people's bad reactions to you comes from.

This is where it starts dependence on other people's opinions.

Reaction to praise, someone else's approval = Reaction to someone else's curse, condemnation, disapproval

Remember the following realizations and beliefs:

Remember and learn! And no one can touch you anymore!

Express yourself fully, don't be afraid to be yourself

When there is an understanding that what hinders you and limits you does not exist, then All you have to do is overcome all these little things.

• Express yourself fully and do not hold back any words or emotions.
• If you want to laugh, laugh.
• If you want to dance, dance. If you want to leave, leave.
• Don't filter the words, let them flow.
• Don't be afraid to be louder with your words, express yourself fully, and be a visible person.

All this will give you a good feeling and help you overcome shyness.

The more you do this, the more your self-expression and your own presentation in communication becomes stronger.

Everything you lose if you become free, so this is your own lack of freedom.

There are no mistakes: no matter what happens, everything leads you to success

Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because there are none.

You can't make a mistake. Change your perception!

It is illusory to think that a mistake is when they point fingers at you or discuss you. It's not a mistake.

The real mistake is when you are afraid to be yourself and don’t allow yourself to say what you want because you attach importance to other people’s opinions. This scam.

Do what you're scared of

Always do what you're scared of! The first four attempts will be awkward, but by the fifth you will get used to it. By the tenth you will forget.

Otherwise, if you keep everything to yourself and remain shy, you close yourself off from communication. You will be reserved and not open to people.

When do people usually start to change?

• You will realize how to get rid of shyness and shyness exactly when you understand that there is no point in postponing and the time has come to change.
• When this is the very thing for you that needs to be done first.
• You will get rid of everything that bothers you when it becomes the most important thing in life for you, and you will no longer be able to remain idle and procrastinate.
• You will understand that you need to stop being shy and blushing over nonsense right now and not a moment later.

Video "Crazy Guy"

In the following video, fearless guy Remy takes to the playing field and sports fields during live broadcasts and skillfully impersonates a team player.

A football team in the French top league wins the cup and Remy manages to sneak onto the field in the form of a club player and lightheartedly celebrate the triumph with the official players. They even take him for one of their own, and no one suspects anything. Remy is not embarrassed or stopped by anything, because he knows everything about how to stop being shy and not worry about other people's opinions.

Very interesting and funny video.

How to dance in a club for a guy, 3 videos of guys who dance wherever they want - .

Important Reminder

If you do some crazy things in society, always know when to stop.

Always know how to stop in time!

Don’t cross the line of people’s patience, know how to calibrate!

Don't act too unnecessarily inappropriate, otherwise you might end up in trouble. There is no need to scare people.

Understanding and awareness is enough to solve all problems

You don't have to do all these crazy things to become free from other people's opinions.

The understandings that I wrote in this article are enough.

It was understanding that first of all allowed me to let go of all the pain, forget about the opinions of others, find myself and go my own way.

Now you know everything about how to stop being shy around people, be free and fully express yourself. Good luck!

Many people experience problems in their sex life due to their complexes. This prevents them from enjoying intimacy with their partner. Some recommendations regarding clothing, the environment, and the psycho-emotional state of a man or woman will help you feel relaxed in bed even during your first sexual experience. You need to overcome your shame and stop being ashamed of your own body.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW! Fortune teller Baba Nina:“There will always be plenty of money if you put it under your pillow...” Read more >>

How to get rid of shyness in bed

To relax in bed, you need to use some tricks. Tanned skin looksmore attractive than pale, so it’s worth using a self-tanner. Creams and oils with a radiant effect will hide imperfections. They reflect light, making the skin look smooth and even.

The figure can be adjusted with accessories. The first thing to expose is the part of the body that a person considers the most sexy and attractive. Girls can decorate it: hands with beautiful bracelets, neck with a string of beads, legs with stockings. Legs in stockings always seem longer.

You should light candles or throw a loose cloth over the lamp so that the soft light helps to present the figure favorably. If a person loves himself and takes care of himself, he will learn to relax with the help of massage. You need to massage yourself or ask someone to do it. At the same time, you should concentrate on your feelings.

How to relax during first sex

The quality of intimacy that occurs for the first time depends on the woman’s state of mind. If she feels comfortable around a man, she will be able to overcome not only her fears, but also his. You must try to ignore thoughts of failure.

It is worth dimming the lights or lighting candles, purchasing bedding and underwear that are pleasant to the touch. Beautiful lace lingerie will allow a girl to be more confident and stop being shy.

Partners can take a bath together, give each other a massage, or relax with alcohol (wine, champagne). You should not abuse alcoholic beverages, as they can only worsen the situation. One glass is enough.

For a woman to become uninhibited, she needs to study her own body. To do this, you need to look at yourself naked in a full-length mirror and determine your strengths and weaknesses. You can turn on pleasant music and dance to it. Movements should be smooth. The goal is to see which poses and angles are most flattering to the body. Sexologists report that such therapy allows you to appreciate sexuality and begin to love yourself.

• Don't be shy about masturbation. This process allows a woman to understand what she likes in bed. With its help, a person learns about his erogenous zones.
• Many girls try to remain silent and hold back moans during sex, but this way they suppress their sexuality. You need to stop limiting yourself.
• A girl must trust her partner, otherwise any awkwardness can interfere with a full intimate life. There is no need to be ashamed of your body and the body of a man, especially a wife, since spouses belong to each other.
• If a partner has long wanted to try something new, before telling her boyfriend or husband about it, she needs to dream about her sexual fantasies, think through the smallest details and imagine how and in what positions the process will take place.

• It is necessary to play sports. Even if nothing changes in appearance after going to the gym, the man will feel much more confident. Treadmill, fitness and swimming are what will make his body attractive and fit.
• It is important to overcome shyness and take initiative. This way you can get rid of fear.
• It is worth thinking about what exactly a person is embarrassed about, taking into account all the pros and cons of his body. A man must understand that there are many more positive qualities than far-fetched flaws.

And a little about secrets...

The story of one of our readers Alina R.:

I was especially depressed about my weight. I gained a lot, after pregnancy I weighed as much as 3 sumo wrestlers together, namely 92 kg with a height of 165. I thought the belly would go away after giving birth, but no, on the contrary, I began to gain weight. How to cope with hormonal changes and obesity? But nothing disfigures or makes a person look younger than his figure. At the age of 20, I first learned that plump girls are called “WOMAN” and that “they don’t make clothes that size.” Then at the age of 29, divorce from my husband and depression...

But what can you do to lose weight? Laser liposuction surgery? I found out - no less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - LPG massage, cavitation, RF lifting, myostimulation? A little more affordable - the course costs from 80 thousand rubles with a nutritionist consultant. You can, of course, try to run on a treadmill until you go crazy.

How to relax among an unfamiliar company or when communicating with a stranger? Each of us has found ourselves in a situation where we felt a little out of place: we didn’t know what to say, we were afraid to express ourselves, and so on.

How does the feeling of insecurity arise and where does it come from? What holds us back and prevents us from doing what we want to do? There may be a whole range of reasons that can block our natural behavior.

Beliefs that prevent you from liberating yourself

Our behavior largely depends on our beliefs. Beliefs are unique algorithms along which our thoughts travel. When we find ourselves in a certain situation, which is contained in such an “algorithm,” automatic thoughts are triggered in us.

This happens without the participation of consciousness. It’s just that at some point we have a thought that triggers the next thought, and so on, depending on the scenario that we have written for this type of situation. Let's look at the most common of them.

Beliefs associated with the formation of fear

Let's start with a group of beliefs that contribute to the formation of fear, panic, and stupor. This group of beliefs is based on the idea that the world is hostile, you have to expect a trick everywhere, and so on. Let's consider the mechanism of formation of a typical belief that causes automatic fear.

Belief – “It is dangerous to express yourself”

Once, for example, in childhood, a person found himself in a certain situation that was associated with hostility towards him. For example, a child had a fight in the sandbox with other children. This caused a conflict in which the child suffered a humiliating defeat, and maybe even was beaten.

Imagine all the negative emotions a child might experience.

As a rational being, a person does not want such situations to repeat in the future. A child who thinks about a way that would protect him in the future is no exception.

Then the child may come to the conclusion that nothing noticeable or conflicting with the interests of other people should be done. Otherwise, it may cause the same emotions that he felt in that difficult situation.

This puts a certain filter on actions. In the future, when a person wants to express himself somehow, he will automatically remember that emotion of defeat and humiliation.

The algorithm for this belief is as follows:

1. The desire to prove yourself and defend your interests
2. Memories of negative emotion
3. Fear
4. Escape

A person may no longer remember where he got this belief from, but continue to be trapped in that childhood decision. In addition, the situation may not be dangerous, but a person can “play it safe” and apply this strategy in other situations. Sometimes, such a strategy spreads over almost the entire life activity of a person. Such people may be terrified of people or sit locked up.

Belief – “It’s safer to keep quiet”

One day, a person, while in some company, expressed a certain thought or did some action that caused disapproval and ridicule. Perhaps someone really told him “You are a fool and talk nonsense.”

For every person, this is a serious emotional blow from which he automatically wants to protect himself.

This starts a chain of thinking that can then become repetitive and automatic.

Consider an example of such a circuit:

1. “I won’t say anything more that might cause disapproval”
2. “How to separate a thought that may cause disapproval from others?”
3. “It’s safer not to speak out at all”

These three automatic thoughts make up the belief: “It’s safer to keep quiet.” The next time a person is in a company, this belief is reinforced in practice. The man remained silent and no one paid attention to him. Thus, the person did not receive negative emotions.

After this, this response system is consolidated. Over the years it becomes simpler, the automatic thoughts are reduced until all that remains is a sequence of emotions. This makes this response system inaccessible to our consciousness.

Beliefs related to self-esteem

What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is the tendency to automatically position oneself in relation to other people. Someone, when meeting other people, automatically positions himself as an equal, another from a position of superiority, and a third automatically considers other people to be more advanced.

This is due to what position a person has recently occupied in society. If a person occupied a dominant position in a team, then when he gets into another team, his self-presentation will correspond to this dominant position. If a person occupies a subordinate position, then most likely he will present himself in the same way in a new team and simply with another person.

A person wanders from group to group, presenting himself everywhere in the same way and most often occupying the same social niches. The initial social position depends more on chance, but often turns into fate.

In addition, self-esteem can be global (“I’m a loser” or “I’m super cool”), or it can be differentiated (“I’m smart, but weak,” “People like me, but I’m ugly”).

Actually, such phrases represent beliefs associated with self-esteem.

Beliefs related to the assessment of others

We may default to treating people differently. How do we evaluate other people's motivation? Their thoughts regarding us? Their success?

There can be two types of beliefs: static and dynamic.

Static beliefs associated with the assessment of others

A person may treat others with an initial prejudice that is static and does not change in any way. For example, someone may consider everyone around them to be fools. If this belief is static, then the person cannot be convinced in any way. A person will interpret everything that happens around him through this belief.

Moreover, it does not matter in what manner a person evaluates all people or a separate group, it is important that the person is not able to change this assessment. The main thing is that this approach is initially defective and does not leave a person the opportunity to be flexible and act adequately.

Dynamic beliefs associated with the evaluation of others

A person can approach the assessment of others more flexibly. It is impossible to say exactly how this happens, because each person chooses an individual assessment style. But we can say for sure that this is a more progressive approach. It is on developing this style that the lion’s share of the psychotherapist’s work with the client is spent.

Above I described some examples of the reasons why a person cannot liberate himself. Of course, there are many more such reasons and each case is individual, but in general this can help to understand what is happening.

However, it is not enough to understand, you need to overcome these attitudes and develop other, more adequate ones. I gave examples related to the formation of beliefs in childhood. Some psychotherapeutic schools believe that it is necessary to remember all this and then everything will somehow be resolved. However, I believe that there is no need to remember, and without real action nothing will change. It is not important to us why this or that belief appeared, what is important to us is the fact of its existence.

If you manage to determine which belief is preventing you from liberating yourself, then all you need to do is change the program.

How to do it?First you need to develop a new procedure (you can even write it down on a piece of paper), and then consolidate it. How does consolidation happen? Only through real actions and practice. Knowledge in itself does not give anything.

Someone, having realized the reasons for their past behavior, begins to break themselves over their knees, forcing themselves to overcome fear. And some turn to specialists and, in a safe atmosphere, for example, in a psychotherapist’s office, practice elements of new behavior. And then learns to apply them in practice.

In my opinion, the last option is the fastest, most reliable and safe. Working with a psychotherapist allows you to develop the most adaptive skills for interacting with other people.

Of course, this is not at all necessary; you can develop new behavior on your own and with great effort. However, there is no guarantee that the new behavior will be more adaptive than the previous one.

The main thing is that you choose the option that you like! It’s not enough to understand, you have to live!