Riddles for a drunk company at the table. Riddles for adults
There is a rich house and a poor one. They are burning. Which house will the police extinguish?
Police don't put out fires, firefighters put out fires
How can a person not sleep for 8 days?
Sleep at night
You enter a dark kitchen. It contains a candle, a kerosene lamp and a gas stove. What will you light first?
A girl is sitting, and you cannot sit in her place, even if she gets up and leaves. Where is she sitting?
She sits on your lap
You are standing in front of three switches. Behind an opaque wall are three light bulbs that are turned off. You need to manipulate the switches, go into the room and determine which light bulb each switch belongs to.
First you need to turn on two switches. After some time, turn off one of them. Enter the room. One bulb will be hot from the switch on, the second - warm from the off, the third - cold, from the untouched switch
It is known that among the nine coins there is one counterfeit, which has less weight than the rest of the coins. How can you identify a counterfeit coin in two weighings using a cup scale?
1st weighing: 3 and 3 coins. The counterfeit coin is in the pile that weighs less. If they are equal, then the fake is in the third pile. 2nd weighing: Any 2 coins from the pile with the lowest weight are compared. If they are equal, then the remaining coin is fake
Two people approach the river. There is a boat at the shore that can only support one. Both people crossed to the opposite bank. How?
They were on different shores
Two fathers, two sons found three oranges and divided them. Everyone got a whole orange. How can this be?
The dog was tied to a ten-meter rope and walked 300 meters. How did she do it?
The rope was not tied to anything
How can a thrown egg fly three meters without breaking?
You need to throw the egg four meters, then it will fly the first three meters intact
The man was driving a large truck. The lights on the car were not turned on. There was also no moon. The woman began to cross the road in front of the car. How did the driver manage to see her?
It was a bright sunny day
If five cats catch five mice in five minutes, how long does it take for one cat to catch one mouse?
Five minutes
Is it possible to light a match underwater?
You can, if you pour water into some kind of container, for example, into a glass, and keep the match below the glass
The boat rocks on the water. A ladder was thrown from it along the side. Before high tide, the water covered only the bottom step. How long will it take for the water to cover the 3rd step from the bottom if during high tide the water rises at 20 cm per hour and the distance between the steps is 30 cm?
Never, because the boat rises with the water
How to divide five apples between five girls so that each gets an apple and at the same time one of the apples remains in the basket?
Give one girl an apple along with a basket
One and a half pike perch costs one and a half rubles. How much do 13 pike perch cost?
Traders and potters. In one city all the people were traders or potters. Merchants always told lies, but potters always told the truth. When all the people gathered in the square, each of those gathered said to the others: “You are all traders!” How many potters were there in this city?
The potter was alone because:
- If there were no potters, then the traders would have to tell the truth that all the other traders are traders, and this contradicts the conditions of the problem.
- If there were more than one potter, then each potter would have to lie that the rest were traders.
There are two coins on the table; they add up to 3 rubles. One of them is not 1 ruble. What coins are these?
1 and 2 rubles
The satellite makes one revolution around the Earth in 1 hour 40 minutes, and the other in 100 minutes. How can it be?
100 minutes is 1 hour 40 minutes
As you know, all Russian female names end with either the letter “a” or the letter “ya”: Anna, Maria, Irina, Natalya, Olga, etc. However, there is only one thing female name, which ends with another letter. Name it.
What has no length, depth, width, height, but can be measured?
Time, temperature
If it rains at 12 o'clock at night, can we expect sunny weather 72 hours later?
No, because in 72 hours it will be night
Seven brothers have one sister. How many sisters are there in total?
One yacht goes from Nice to Sanremo, the other from Sanremo to Nice. They left the harbors at the same time. For the first hour, the yachts moved at the same speed (60 km/h), but then the first yacht increased its speed to 80 km/h. Which yacht will be closer to Nice when they meet?
At the moment of their meeting they will be at the same distance from Nice
A woman was walking towards Moscow, and three men met her. Everyone has a bag, in each bag there is a cat. How many creatures were heading to Moscow?
Only the woman went to Moscow, the rest went in the other direction
There were 10 birds sitting on a tree. A hunter came and shot one bird. How many birds are left on the tree?
Not a single one - the rest of the birds flew away
The train runs from east to west, and the wind blows from north to south. In which direction does the smoke fly from the chimney?
You are running a marathon and have passed the runner who was running second. What position do you take now?
Second. If you answered that you are now first, then this is wrong: you overtook the second runner and took his place, so you are now in second position
You are running a marathon and have passed the last runner. What position do you take now?
If you answered that it was the penultimate one, you were wrong again :). Think about how you can overtake the last runner? If you are running after him, then he is not the last. The correct answer is - it is impossible, you cannot overtake the last runner
There were three cucumbers and four apples on the table. The child took one apple from the table. How much fruit is left on the table?
3 fruits, and cucumbers are vegetables
The product first rose in price by 10%, and then fell in price by 10%. What is its value now relative to its original value?
99%: after the price increase, 10% was added to 100% - it turned out to be 110%; 10% of 110% = 11%; then subtract 11% from 110% and get 99%
How many times does the number 4 appear in the integers from 1 to 50?
15 times: 4, 14, 24, 34, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44 - twice, 45, 46. 47, 48, 49
You have driven your car two-thirds of the way. At the beginning of the journey, the car's gas tank was full, but now it is one quarter full. Will there be enough gasoline until the end of the trip (at the same consumption)?
No, because 1/4< 1/3
Mary's father has 5 daughters: Chacha, Cheche, Chichi, Chocho. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
A deaf and dumb man went into an office supply store to buy a pencil sharpener. He stuck a finger in his left ear and with the fist of his other hand made a rotational movement near his right ear. The seller immediately understood what was being asked of him. Then a blind man entered the same store. How did he explain to the salesman that he wanted to buy scissors?
I just said, he's blind, but not dumb
A rooster has flown to the border between Russia and China. I sat down exactly on the border, absolutely in the middle. Layed an egg. It fell exactly across: the border divides it in the middle. Which country does the egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs!
One morning, a soldier who had previously been on night guard approached the centurion and said that that night he had dreamed that the barbarians would attack the fortress that evening from the north. The centurion did not really believe in this dream, but still took measures. That same evening, the barbarians really attacked the fortress, but thanks to the measures taken, their attack was repulsed. After the battle, the centurion thanked the soldier for the warning and then ordered him to be taken into custody. Why?
Because he slept on duty
There are ten fingers on the hands. How many fingers are there on ten hands?
A plane with English tourists was flying from Holland to Spain. He crashed in France. Where should the surviving (wounded) tourists be buried?
The survivors do not need to be buried! :)
You were driving a bus with 42 passengers from Boston to Washington. At each of the six stops, 3 people got out of it, and at every second - four. What was the driver's name when the driver arrived in Washington 10 hours later?
How about you, because in the beginning it was said that You drove the bus
What can you find in minutes, seconds and days, but not in years, decades and centuries?
How many times can you subtract 3 from 25?
Once, because after the first subtraction the number "25" will change to "22"
Mrs Taylor's bungalow is all finished in pink color: It has pink lamps, pink walls, pink carpets and a pink ceiling. What color are the stairs in this bungalow?
There are no stairs in the bungalow
IN ancient castle where the prison was located, there were 4 round towers in which prisoners were imprisoned. One of the prisoners decided to escape. And then one fine day he hid in a corner, and when a guard came in, he stunned him with a blow to the head, and he ran away, changing into different clothes. Could this happen?
No, since the towers were round and there were no corners
The 12-story building has an elevator. Only 2 people live on the ground floor; from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this building is pressed most often?
Regardless of the distribution of residents by floor - button “1”
A pair of horses ran 20 kilometers. Question: How many kilometers did each horse run individually?
20 kilometers
What can stand and walk, hang and stand, walk and lie at the same time?
Is it possible to predict the score of a football match before it starts, and if so, how?
The score of any match before it starts is always 0:0
What can a person increase in diameter by 7 times in a few seconds?
Pupil. When transitioning from bright light to darkness, the diameter can change from 1.1 to 8 mm; everything else either hardly increases or increases in diameter by no more than 2-3 times
A seller at the market sells a hat that costs 10 rubles. A buyer comes up and wants to buy it, but he only has 25 rubles. The seller sends the boy away with these 25 rubles. change it to a neighbor. The boy comes running and gives 10 + 10 +5 rubles. The seller gives the hat and change 15 rubles, and 10 rubles. keeps it for himself. After some time, a neighbor comes and says that 25 rubles. fake, demands to give her money. The seller returns her money. How much money was the seller defrauded of?
The seller was deceived for a counterfeit 25 rubles.
How many animals did Moses take on his ark?
It was not Moses who took the animals into the ark, but Noah.
2 people entered the entrance at the same time. One has an apartment on the 3rd floor, the other on the 9th. How many times will the first person get there faster than the second? Note: They simultaneously pressed buttons on 2 elevators moving at the same speed.
The usual answer is 3 times. Correct answer: 4 times. Elevators usually go from the 1st floor. The first one will travel 3-1=2 floors, and the second 9-1=8 floors, i.e. 4 times more
This riddle is often offered to children. But sometimes adults can rack their brains for a long time to figure out how to solve such a problem, so you can organize a competition: invite everyone to try to solve the problem. Whoever guesses it, regardless of age, deserves a prize. Here's the task:
6589 = 4; 5893 = 3; 1236 = 1; 1234 = 0; 0000 = 4; 5794 = 1; 1111 = 0; 4444 = 0; 7268 = 3; 1679 = 2; 3697 = 2
2793 = 1; 4895 = 3
The main thing is to look at the problem like a child, then you will understand that the answer is 3 (three circles in the writing of numbers)
Two horsemen competed to see whose horse would reach the finish line last. However, things did not go well, both stood still. Then they turned to the sage for advice, and after that they both rode at full speed.
The sage advised the horsemen to exchange horses
One student tells another: “Yesterday basketball team our college won the basketball match with a score of 76:40. At the same time, not a single basketball player scored a single goal in this match.”
Women's teams played
A man walks into a store, buys sausage and asks to cut it, not across, but lengthwise. The saleswoman asks: “Are you a fireman?” - "Yes". How did she guess?
The man was in uniform
The lady did not have a driver's license with her. She did not stop at the railroad crossing, although the barrier was down, then, not paying attention to the “brick,” she moved along a one-way street against the traffic and stopped only after passing three blocks. All this happened in front of a traffic police officer, who for some reason did not consider it necessary to intervene.
The lady was walking
On one Odessa street there were three tailoring workshops. The first tailor advertised himself as follows: “The best workshop in Odessa!” The second is “The best workshop in the world!” The third “outdid” them both.
“The best workshop on this street!”
Two brothers were drinking at a bar. Suddenly, one of them began to argue with the bartender, and then pulled out a knife and, not paying attention to his brother’s attempts to stop him, hit the bartender. At his trial he was found guilty of murder. At the end court session the judge said, “You have been found guilty of murder, but I have no choice but to let you go.” Why did the judge have to do this?
The culprit was one of conjoined twins. The judge could not send a guilty person to prison without putting an innocent person there as well.
We were traveling in the same compartment: Baba Yaga, Zmey Gorynych, a stupid ensign and a smart ensign. There was a bottle of beer on the table. The train entered the tunnel and it became dark. When the train came out of the tunnel, the bottle was empty. Who drank the beer?
The stupid ensign drank the beer, since the other creatures are unreal and do not occur in life!)
Maybe you came to this page having already looked at the previous huge collection, which included a lot of... But, as I already said, all the riddles with funny answers did not fit on it. Therefore, as Carlson said, let's continue the conversation! 🙂 More precisely, we continue to solve funny riddles and gradually slide under the table laughing. Well, since it’s hard to think in such a state, we present the answers right away. In general, here we have funny and very funny riddles with answers. Guess!
Why difficult riddles dangerous for people?
Answer. Because people are scratching their heads over them.
What kind of bird do you need to pluck the feathers from to get morning, day, evening, and night at once?
Answer. Day
To what place does the hare run in the forest?
What can you cook but can't eat?
Answer. Homework, cement mortar…..
One eye, one horn, but I'm not a rhinoceros.
Answer. A cow peeks out from around the corner.
There are 16 chickens, 4 rabbits, 2 puppies, 2 cats, 1 rooster and 8 hens in the yard. The owner came with the dog. How many legs are there in total?
Answer. Two legs. The rest are paws.
Under what tree does the wolf sit when it's raining?
Answer. Under the wet.
The man was driving a huge truck. The car's headlights were not on. There was no moon in the sky either. The woman began to cross the road in front of the car. How did the driver manage to see her?
How to say correctly: “I don’t see the white yolk” or “I don’t see the white yolk”?
Answer. I don't see any yellow yolk.
Even though we have four legs -
We are neither mice nor cats.
Even though we all have backs—
We are not sheep or pigs.
We are not horses, even on us
You sit down many times.
Answer. Chairs.
There are two ears on the body, but no head.
Answer Pan.
I was walking along one road, and suddenly I found two roads.
He went two at a time and entered two closets.
Answer. Trousers.
What will the teeth reach the back of the head?
Answer. Comb.
If you roll it up, it’s a wedge, if you unfold it, it’s a damn thing.
Answer. Umbrella.
You enter through one door and exit through three.
You think you've left, but in fact you've entered.
Answer. Shirt.
Between two luminaries I sit alone.
Answer. Nose.
This thing is functional: you can sweep with it.
Well, you can (it’s not a secret!) fly on it under a cloud.
Answer. Broom.
What kind of dishes can you not eat anything from?
Answer. From empty.
I held your tail tightly in my hand.
You flew suddenly - I ran after you.
Answer: Balloon.
If he falls, he will jump, but if you hit him, he will not cry.
Answer: Ball
Lying on his back - no one needs him. Lean it against the wall - it will come in handy.
Answer. Ladder.
Which plant knows everything?
Answer: Horseradish
What is a small, white thing that sucks blood?
Answer: Tampon
A sparrow can eat a handful of grain, but a horse cannot. Why?
Answer. The sparrow is too small to eat a horse.
It shines, but does not heat.
Answer: term
What does a watchman do when a sparrow sits on his head?
Answer: Sleep
What is the difference between a person and a locomotive?
Answer: The locomotive first whistles, and then starts moving. But a person is the opposite: first he starts moving, and then he whistles.
What is the difference between an elephant and a piano?
Answer: You can lean against an elephant, but you cannot lean against a piano.
Why do goats have sad eyes?
Answer: Because her husband is a goat.
Is it possible to catch a tiger in a cage?
Answer: Not possible. There is no checkered tiger, there is a striped tiger.
There is a mountain, but there is a hole in it, there is no passage. Say the answer!
Answer: LOH.
The carpenter gets drunk into pieces, the glazier gets drunk into smithereens, the shoemaker gets drunk into smithereens. A fireman goes into a smoke hole, a medic goes into the smoke until he loses his pulse. How drunk does a writer get?
Answer: Up to the handle.
What did Anna Karenina leave as a legacy to modern fashion?
Answer. Platform shoes.
He sits in the park and speaks French.
Answer: French.
Once upon a time there lived an animal with the letter “u”, who was cleaning his face.
Hippopotamus with the letter "b", and a rooster with the letter "p",
Crocodile with the letter "k", and boar with the letter "k".
Platypus starting with the letter "u". What kind of animal starts with the letter "u"?
Answer: My cat’s name is Yulka.
The rooster weighs three kilograms standing on one leg. How many kilograms will he weigh if he stands on two legs?
Answer: Three kilograms.
What kind of mouse walks on two legs?
Answer: Mickey Mouse.
What kind of duck walks on two legs?
Answer: All ducks.
Why do girls have red hair in Paris?
Answer: On the ground.
What do a tree and a thief have in common?
Answer: Both are imprisoned.
He takes it to one place and gives it to another place.
Answer: ATM.
What is the longest word in the Russian language?
Answer: A Word about Igor's Campaign.
What can't be done in space?
Answer: Hang yourself.
Why is flounder flat?
Answer: Because I slept with a whale.
When the goat turns seven years old, what happens next?
Answer: The eighth will go.
The more there are, the less weight. What is this?
Answer: Holes.
I may be a fool, but it's nice to feel stuffed.
Answer: Stomach
How can you jump down a ten-meter ladder and not hurt yourself?
Answer: You have to jump from the bottom step
What question cannot be answered with “yes”?
Answer: Are you sleeping?
What is between the window and the door?
Answer: The letter "and"
What question cannot be answered with “no”?
Answer: Are you alive?
I walk on my head, although I also walk on my feet.
I go barefoot, although - and in boots.
Answer: A nail in a boot.
When can a person be in a room without a head?
Answer: When he sticks it out of the window.
When a horse is bought, what kind of horse is it?
Answer: Wet.
Why did people walk upside down under Catherine II?
Answer: On the ground.
What is the difference between a Volga and a priest?
Answer: Pop is father, and Volga is mother.
The two are talking to each other.
- Is it black? asked the first.
No, is it red?
- Why is she white then?
- Yes, because it is green.
What were we talking about?
Answer: About red currants.
A person has one, a crow has two, and a hare has none. What is this?
Answer: The letter "o"
What is the difference between a needle and a horse?
Answer: You jump on the horse and then sit down. Oh, but on a needle it’s the other way around: first you sit down, and then you jump.
They don’t eat it raw, but throw it away when it’s cooked?
Answer: Bay leaf.
What does the heron have in front, and what does the hare have behind? Answer: The letter "C".
How many months in a year have 28 days?
Answer: All months.
How do day and night end?
Answer: Soft sign.
The table top has four corners. I'll take a saw, I'll drink one. Reader, now prepare your answer. How many corners does the lid have?
Answer: Five or three.
The crow is flying, and the dog is sitting on its tail. Could it be?
Answer: Maybe. The dog sits on its own tail.
What is under a person's feet when he walks across a bridge?
Answer: Shoe sole
The fluff flew for an hour, flew for two hours, flew for a day. Where did the fluff come from?
Answer: From a duck
Which bird has forty identical letters?
Answer: Magpie
Grandmother Glasha has a granddaughter Sasha, a cat Snowball and a dog Fluff. How many grandchildren does grandma Glasha have?
Answer: One - Sasha
The dog was tied to a ten-meter rope, and walked three hundred meters. How did she do it?
Answer: The rope was not tied to anything
The bull has two, the bottle has only one, and the grandson has none.
Answer: Letter "B"
Can a turkey call itself a bird?
Answer: No, he can't speak
Even a child can lift it from the ground, but not even a strong man can throw it over a fence.
Answer: Pooh
Birds flew over the village: a kite, a pike and a tit, three swifts and five eels. How many birds, tell me quickly?
Answer: Five: a kite, a tit and three swifts
Two people were playing checkers. Each played five games and won five times. Is this possible?
Answer: Possibly if both people were playing with other people
There is a tub in the yard, and in that tub there is a frog. How many frogs would there be if there were five tubs?
Answer: It is impossible to answer, perhaps not a single one.
Who doesn't get their hair wet in the pouring rain?
Answer: Bald
Which river is the scariest?
Answer: Tigris River
Two boys walked and found a penny. How much money will they find if the girls go?
Answer: Most likely - nothing
Imagine that you are a driver. The train has nine carriages, each with two conductors aged between thirty and forty years. How old is the driver?
Answer: As much as the one who answers
From such physical activity she might go crazy.
Answer: Jaw
What pet starts with "T"?
Answer: Cockroach
Three, three, three and three...What will happen?
Answer: Hole
I found her in the yard. I looked for her for a long, long time and did not find her. I brought it home to find it here. (Thorn).
What do milk and a hedgehog have in common?
Answer: Both can be rolled up
What can't you eat for breakfast?
Answer: Lunch and dinner
What will happen to the blue ball if it falls into the Red Sea?
Answer: get wet
Can an ostrich call itself a bird?
Answer: No, because he cannot speak
What is: black - on three legs?
Answer: Piano
If it weren’t for grandma’s shaggy shoes, grandfather’s little shoes would have frozen.
Answer: Mittens.
Lying on his back - no one needs him. Lean it against the wall - it will come in handy.
Answer: stairs
Who is ready to give us an answer: with a head, but without brains.
Answer: Onion, garlic, cheese
There is a pile in the middle of the yard. In front is a fork, in the back is a broom.
Answer: Cow
Sits under the window - like a cat.
Eyes like a cat and a nose like a cat.
Whiskers like a cat and a tail like a cat.
Purrs like a cat, but it's not a cat. And who is it?
Answer: Cat
Two legs are on three legs, and the fourth is in the teeth.
Then four ran up and ran away with one.
They shouted two on three and three on four.
But four screamed and ran away with one.
Answer: A child with a chicken foot in his teeth riding a tricycle
Who was the first traffic cop in Rus'?
Answer: Nightingale the Robber
There is a haystack, and in that haystack there are seven hundred and two.
Answer: Box of poppy seeds
Everyone knows that two squared equals four, three squared equals nine.
What is the angle in a square?
Answer: The angle of a square is ninety degrees
Everyone knows that three cubed equals twenty-seven. Four cubed is equal to sixty four. What about the tongue in the cube?
Answer: The language in Cuba is Spanish
There is hair all around, sausage in the middle.
Answer: Corn
Whose mustache is longer than their own legs?
Answer: Cockroach
Two nails fell into the water. What is the Georgian's last name?
Answer: Rusted
What word always sounds wrong?
Answer: "False"
He walks, wanders, staggers, comes home and falls apart.
Answer: Broom
One head, two backs, six legs. What is this?
Answer: Man on a chair
How many letters are in the alphabet?
Answer: Seven: A-L-F-A-V-I-T
The bull is behind, and the cow is in front. What is this?
Answer: Letter "K"
What are the similarities between a motorcyclist and a chicken?
Answer: Both sit down and rush
A and B were sitting on the pipe. A went abroad, B sneezed and went to the hospital. What's left on the pipe?
Answer: Letter B, And went to the hospital
What is the difference between a crest and a Ukrainian?
Answer: Ukrainian is someone who lives in Ukraine; crest - a Ukrainian who lives outside of Ukraine
Answer: Brass band
How much money can't buy anything?
Answer: Pig nose
Why aren't robots afraid of anyone?
Answer: Because they have nerves of steel
What disease does no one get sick on land?
Answer: Marine
What kind of cow is this that doesn't give milk?
Answer: Greedy beef
What notes can be used to measure distance?
Answer: Mi-la-mi
It melts, but not the ice; it floats, but not the boat.
Answer: Salary
What kind of horse is this that doesn't eat oats?
Answer: Chess
What could be in an empty pocket?
Answer: Hole
Why do students usually get kicked out of class?
Answer: Out the door
Who is “all covered in greenery?”
Answer: New Russian
Which pronouns do pavements spoil?
Answer: I-We
What hours twice a day right time show?
Answer: Those that cost
It is on 4 legs - large, green, fleecy. And if it falls from a tree, it will kill you.
Answer: Billiard table
They beat him with a hand and a stick - no one feels sorry for him.
Why are they beating the poor guy? Yes, because he is inflated.
Answer: Ball
Leaned over the river. Their agreement is this:
The river will exchange her a perch for a worm.
Answer: Fishing rod
Well, have you figured it all out? Well done! Do you want to “catch up”? Please, with great pleasure! Yes, and it’s also definitely worth a look. Overall, enjoy and keep the fun going. Started thanks to funny riddles with the answers collected on this page.
What do burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman have in common?
ANSWER: We didn’t have time to pull it out...
What is: Two ends, two rings?
ANSWER: Gay wedding.
What fellow is dripping from the end in the morning?
ANSWER: Samovar.
Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with cotton wool?
ANSWER: Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.
What is a happy ending?
ANSWER: Dick after sex.
Who is this: He doesn’t shoot himself and doesn’t let others?
ANSWER: Alexander Matrosov.
In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure.
ANSWER: Film show.
What is Adam's front and Eve's back?
ANSWER: Letter "A".
Back and forth: It’s nice for you and me.
ANSWER: Swing.
A boy and a girl were doing something in the grass on "E".
ANSWER: They ate strawberries.
About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is?
ANSWER: Internet.
The woman is standing on the floor, her hole slightly open.
ANSWER: Stove.
There is a plaque in the teeth, longing in the eyes.
ANSWER: A man fell into a village push.
Without arms, without legs on a woman lope!
ANSWER: Rocker.
Jumping smartly and eating carrots?
ANSWER: Bubka is on a diet.
Not a rooster, but singing, not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is this?
ANSWER: Philip Kirkorov.
One wheel thousand wings - what is it?
ANSWER: Wheelbarrow with manure.
What is it: the hard is inserted into the soft, and the balls dangle nearby?
ANSWER: Earrings.
What is excited by Koch's wand?
ANSWER: 1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch's wife.
Two rings, two ends...
ANSWER: Very fancy New Russian.
What does a woman have on her body, a Jew has in mind, is used in hockey and on a chessboard?
ANSWER: Combination.
How can you walk while sitting?
ANSWER: In the toilet - on the toilet.
He left his grandfather and left his grandmother...
ANSWER: Sex.
Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village.
ANSWER: Lack of youth in rural areas.
How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand?
ANSWER: Both.
What can you get off a naked secretary?
ANSWER: Naked boss.
I take it in two hands, put it between my legs, sweat for five minutes, and then go crazy.
ANSWER: Exercise bike.
The hairy head flies deftly behind the cheek.
ANSWER: Toothbrush.
Black around, red in the middle.
ANSWER: Radish in the black man's ass.
With claws, not a bird, it flies and swears.
ANSWER: Electrician.
Either hanging or standing or cold or hot.
ANSWER: Shower.
Four brothers stand under one roof.
ANSWER: Mafia.
White, not sugar. Cold, not ice.
ANSWER: Corpse.
What is it: small, black, breaking into glass?
ANSWER: Baby in the oven.
How many babies will fit in a double stroller?
ANSWER: And this, depending on how you chop it...
Red head - works smartly.
ANSWER: Woodpecker.
No windows, no doors, and a Jew sitting inside? What is this?
ANSWER: Sarah is pregnant.
Hair, hair..., and in the middle there is sausage.
ANSWER: Corn.
The little wrinkled one is in every woman.
ANSWER: Zest.
With onions and eggs, but not a pie?
ANSWER: Robin Hood.
Which country is the most armed?
ANSWER: Israel - everyone there carries sawed-off shotguns.
What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands do it.
ANSWER: Phone sex.
A three-letter word that any man fears?
ANSWER: More!
Hanging between the legs, stinks and yells?
ANSWER: Motorcycle.
There is only one in the sky, There is none in the earth, And the woman has two of them.
ANSWER: Letter B.
We guys are daring, we climb into the gaps in the genitals.
ANSWER: Cockroaches.
What is it - a small, white blood sucks?
ANSWER: Tampon.
Quietly came up behind, Twice put it in and went.
ANSWER: Slippers.
Hair on hair, body on body - a dark affair begins.
ANSWER: The eye closes.
Why do you need an orgasm?
ANSWER: To avoid getting fucked to death.
What is 60-90-60?
ANSWER: This is a pregnant eleven-year-old girl.
Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes.
ANSWER: Moonshine
A slanderer, a writer of anonymous letters.
ANSWER: Onanist
New favorite name musical instrument American President.
ANSWER: Sexophone
What do a diver and a cook have in common?
ANSWER: Both of them have to put their eggs in water from time to time.
What do money and a coffin have in common?
ANSWER: Both are first nailed up and then lowered.
Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning?
ANSWER: Because they don't have eggs
To avoid a hangover
Tomorrow, after my birthday,
Increase the degree gradually
And drinks...
don't interfere
It's just a birthday
Well, sometimes it’s more important.
When the round date comes,
That's what he's called...
anniversary
Congratulations sound today,
The glasses clink again and again,
So that the birthday boy
I felt towards myself...
Love
They play gas in a glass,
The drink poured is not bad,
They often make toasts with him,
He's so sweet and sour!
Champagne
To make it more fun
You need to wet your throat
And in order not to succumb to hops -
Nice...
have a snack
Once I came for my birthday
Don't sit like a gloomy cloud.
Tell it quickly
Lighten the atmosphere.
Joke
They are long
There are some - laconic,
There are very wise people
And even obscene ones.
For them on their birthday
Glasses are raised
And then, of course,
Everyone drinks to the bottom.
Toasts
Lots of wishes
Sounded on my birthday
Everyone wishes money, happiness,
Both love and mood.
And they don’t forget about him,
After all, it is most important
Because it's very bad
If we don't have it.
Health
They are given to women all the time,
Well, on occasion - for men.
And though they wither so quickly,
Always appropriate for name days.
Flowers
Today is a special day for us
Doesn't look like a traditional hour.
Day of fun, day of luck,
Let's celebrate your...
birthday
This colorful envelope
Very handy on your birthday
Well, what's in the envelope?
Guess it quickly.
Money
Happy birthday he will become more
It doesn't make you younger
But only more experienced, wiser.
As they call it, guess soon.
Age
They order him, look for him,
But there will be no need for a detective.
After all, they are looking for something to please
And give on your birthday.
Present
The holiday is not the same without him
And there is no delight.
There is no place to blow out the candles,
There is nothing to wash the holiday with.
I don’t have anything to treat everyone with,
What should I drink tea with now?
It's really sad without him,
What should we do now?
Cake
There's no need to cry on your birthday
And you don't have to be sad
It is better to drip into a glass,
Dance, laugh and...
tell jokes
Without them there will be a holiday
There will be no fun
And you can drink with them
Boost your mood!
They will come with gifts
Maybe with treats
They come suddenly
And by invitation.
Guests
On the table, he is the most important,
Very festively decorated
The most delicious and desired -
Your birthday is very important.
Chocolate and benzene,
With cream, with almonds, with mastic,
Maybe it's fruity -
With kiwi or strawberries.
Lifts the mood
It just begs to be put in your mouth.
Everyone will say, without a doubt -
This is delicious...
cake
You are eagerly waiting for him,
Your interest will not cease.
Can be very desirable
But it can be very strange.
Hurry up and open it
If you don't like it, close it.
Present
He is the man in charge today,
And it’s all a holiday for him, obviously.
And there is a cake, and the candles are lit,
And everyone congratulates him with toasts.
He's now a year older,
So who is he, have you guessed?....
Birthday boy
1.To stroke from the front, you need to lick from the back. (Postage Stamp)
2. Hair all around, sausage in the middle. (Corn)
4. Hair on hair, body on body and the dark business begins. (Eyelids)
5. Now cold, now hot, now hanging, now standing. (Shower)
6. There - here - back, it’s nice for you and me. (Swing)
7. Why are you looking at me? Take off your clothes, I'm yours! (Bed)
8. The hairy head goes behind the cheek deftly. (Toothbrush)
9. We are daring guys, we climb into sex cracks! (Broom)
10. Lying on his back - no one needs him. Lean it against the wall - it will come in handy. (Ladder)
11. In a dark room, on a white sheet, 2 hours of pleasure. (Movie)
12. You remember it a little, it will become hard like a potato. (Snowball)
13. I will take it in my hands, squeeze it tightly - it will become elastic and hard like a turnip. (Snowball)
14. The red head climbs deftly into the hole (Woodpecker)
15. Small, black, wrinkled - every woman has one. (Highlight)
16. If it weren’t for grandma’s shaggy clothes, grandpa’s beaters would be freezing. (Mittens)
17. Not a horseradish, not a carrot - a red head. (Pioneer in cap)
18. He came up from behind, put it in and walked away. (Slippers)
19. How good it is for you and me when you lie on your back... (Hedgehog with an apple)
20. I take it with both hands, put it between my legs... (bicycle).
21. Which fellow is dripping from the end in the morning. (tap)
22. What is it - made of three letters that goes into one ear and comes out of the other? (Scrap)
23. Mustache, striped. (Mattress)
24. What is it: enters dry, comes out wet, gives warmth and joy? (Tea bag)
25. What elongates when you take it in your hands, pass it between the breasts and insert it into the hole? (Safety belt)
26. If all the women do the splits, what will happen? (The earth will be fucked up)
27. Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes. (Moonshine)
28. A new name for the former American president's favorite musical instrument. (Sexophone)
29. Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning? (Because they don't have balls)
30. The most harmful insect, black back, white belly, legs covered in manure. (Summer resident)
32. What do Formula 1 and sex have in common? (Pit stop - tire change)
33. What is the last thing that comes to mind when a beetle flies into the windshield of a moving car? (His ass)
34. You are sitting on an airplane, there is a horse in front of you, and a car behind you. Where are you at? (On the carousel)
35. Who is this: Red heels sticking out of the garden bed? (Red-heeled bed-raker)
36. With claws, not a bird, it flies and swears. (Electrician)
37. With onions and eggs, but not a pie? (Robin Hood)
39. The scarlet sugar itself, the caftan is green velvet. (Negative on color film, capturing the “new Russian”)
40. Black on top, red inside. The way you put it in, it’s so wonderful. (Galoshes)
44. How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? (None. This is a hardware problem, programmers cannot solve them)
45.What is: small, gray and weighs 3 kilograms? (A mouse with weight problems)
46. What word begins with three letters "G" and ends with three letters "I"? (Trigonometry)
47. One eye, one horn, but not a rhinoceros? (A cow peeks out from around the corner)
48. What has a head but no brains? (Cheese, onion, garlic)
49. What is black outside, yellow inside? (Chick Ninja)
50. What is it: with eyes - but does not see, with a beak - but does not peck, with wings - and does not fly? (Dead crow)
53. Doesn't bark, doesn't bite, and has the same name. (@)
54. About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is? (Internet)
56. What is it: written in black and white? (The toilet where the black man stood)
57. What kind of woman first rubs around you and then demands money? (Conductor on the tram)
58. Which plant knows everything? (Horseradish)
62. What is: green, bald and jumping? (Soldier at the disco)
64. What is: 90/60/90? (Speed with traffic cop)
65.What is it: hanging on the wall and crying? (Climber)
66. What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands do it. (Phone sex)
67. What is it: there is a head, but there is no head, there is a head, but there is no head? (The lame man behind the fence)
The best
51. What is this: in white lace, moos and crawls on the ground? (Drunk bride)
52. What is it: a lot of heads, a long tail, eyes burning, eggs small and dirty? (The line for eggs for 90 kopecks in the 80s of the twentieth century)
31. What is the difference between a woman’s breasts and a toy railroad? (Nothing: both are created for children, and dads play with them)
63. What is a small, white thing that sucks blood? (Tampon)
45.What is it: red, white and black, standing in the corridor, and cannot turn around? (Nun with a spear in her throat)
90.Which is easier to unload: a carriage with bricks, or with dead babies? (With babies, because you can prick them 3-4 on a pitchfork)
99.What is it: green, but press the button red? (frog in an electric meat grinder)
6.What is that little red thing knocking on the glass? (baby in the microwave)
59. What is the difference between a young bachelor and an old one? (A young bachelor cleans his house to invite a woman, and an old bachelor invites a woman to his house to clean up)
60. What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile? (The pedophile truly loves children)
61. What is: two ends, two rings? (for gays)
43. How many babies can fit in a double stroller? (And this, depending on how you chop it...)
45. How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand? (Both)
55. What is: black and white, black and white, black and white? (The nun rolls head over heels down the mountain
Puzzles:
1. How many giraffes can fit into “Zaporozhets”?
2. 2. How many hippopotamuses fit into the Zaporozhets?
3. How many operations do you need to perform to place a giraffe in an ordinary refrigerator?
4. How many operations are needed to put a hippopotamus in the refrigerator?
5. What is it: small, green, sitting at a depth of three meters and swallowing stones?
6. What is it: cheerful, red, spotted, sticking out of the garden?
7. What is it: black, big, on one leg?
8. And this: black, big, on two legs?
9. And this: black, big, on three legs?
10. Three tourists were walking through the forest, and they had three pies in their backpack for the three of them. On the first day they ate one pie. On the second day they ate the second pie. On the third day they look in the backpack - it’s empty! Where did the third pie go?
11. Imagine that the Moscow Ministry of Health dug a shaft with a diameter of 1 meter through the center of the earth and threw a stone with a diameter of 5 cm into it. Will it reach the opposite end of the shaft?
12. Who will run faster around the Kremlin - a giraffe or a hippopotamus?
13. Two acquaintances were traveling on the Orient Express. One had German Shepherd, and the other has a domestic suitcase. Once they quarreled, and in the heat of the quarrel the first one threw a suitcase out the window, and the second one threw a dog out the window in retaliation. After that, both pulled the stop valve. The train stopped, they ran out - and they saw a shepherd dog rushing towards them, and in its teeth... What?
Guess:
1. Three: although the car has four seats, one seat is reserved for the driver.
2. Not a single one, because all the seats in “Zaporozhets” are already occupied by giraffes.
3. You need to do three operations: open the refrigerator door, put the giraffe in, close the door.
4. This time you need four operations: open the door, take out the giraffe, put in the hippopotamus and close the door.
5. The answer is simple: this is a small green stone swallower.
6. Even simpler: a cheerful red-heeled bed sticker.
7. One-legged black man
8. Two one-legged blacks (and not just a black, as some thought!)
9. Piano (and not three one-legged blacks).
10. They lost him.
11. No, because at a depth of three meters it will be eaten by a small green stone swallower.
12. Giraffe, because the hippopotamus is in the refrigerator and cannot take part in this competition.
13. Not a suitcase (that would be too easy for a riddle of the third kind). Correct answer: in the teeth of a shepherd dog is holding a pie that was lost by three tourists in the forest.
Name a word that has 40 vowels.
Soroka (forty "A").
A hippopotamus flew across the sky, and a hunter with a gun ran along the ground behind him. The hunter fired and the hippo fell on him. Who is still alive?
Elephant because he flew out later.
How many peas can fit into one glass?
Not at all, because the peas don't move.
What is it: hanging on the wall and smelling?
Clock: the cuckoo died in it.
Why don't elephants fly?
By air.
How is a horse different from a needle?
First you sit on a needle, then you jump, and first you jump on a horse, then you sit.
How is the first floor different from the ninth?
You'll fall from the first floor: "Boom! - A-ah!" And from the ninth “A-ah! - Bang!”
What is the difference between a circus audience and a balloon?
The balloon is first inflated, then released, and the public is first admitted, and then inflated.
How is a person different from a locomotive?
The locomotive first whistles, then starts moving, and the man first starts moving, and then walks and whistles.
Not exactly a childish riddle: what is the difference between a young bachelor and an old one?
A young bachelor cleans his house to invite a woman, and an old bachelor invites a woman to his house to clean it up.
What do money and a coffin have in common?
Both are first nailed down, and then lowered.
Two nails fell into the water. What is the Georgian's last name?
Rusted.
How do day and night end?
A soft sign.
What is it: blue, big, with a mustache and completely stuffed with hares?
Trolleybus.
What is it: flies, rustles, and not a rustler?
Rustler's brother
a) Pet, starts with a "t".
Cockroach.
b) Pet, begins with "e". Two cockroaches.
c) Pet, starts with "s".
There's only one cockroach.
What is this: sitting on the window, speaking French?
Frenchman.
What is the correct way to say: “I don’t see the white yolk” or “I don’t see the white yolk”?
The yolk cannot be white.
Why do girls in Paris wear red hair?
On the ground.
What is the difference between a tractor and a tomato?
The tomato is red, and the door on the tractor opens outward.
What is it: in the sky, not in the earth; the woman has two, the man has none?
Letter "B".
What word starts with three letters "G" and ends with three letters "I"?
"Trigonometry".
The riddle is absolutely childish:
a) What is this: standing black on one leg?
One-legged black man.
b) What is this: standing black, on two legs?
Two one-legged blacks.
c) Is the black thing standing on three legs?
No, these are not three one-legged blacks, but just a piano :-)
One eye, one horn, but not a rhinoceros?
A cow peeks out from around the corner :-)
What stands in the middle of the Earth?
Letter "m".
They started Moscow, what was the first nail pounded into?
In a hat.
How to say correctly: fish have no teeth, fish have no teeth, or fish have no teeth?
Fish have teeth.
Who is this - small, lives in the earth, begins with "Sch"?
Little worm.
Why does the pop buy a hat?
Because they don't give it for nothing.
Why does a duck swim?
From the shore.
The hunter walked past the clock tower. He took out a gun and fired. Where did he end up?
To the police.
What is the difference between water and twins?
Water is H2O, and the twins are Oh, two!
Small, gray, looks like an elephant?
Elephant.
Problems with a trick
1. Three tractor drivers have a brother, Sergei, but Sergei has no brothers. Could this be possible?
2. There were 50 candles burning in the room, 20 of them were blown out. How many will be left?
3. If it is raining at 12 o'clock at night, can we expect sunny weather 72 hours later?
4. Placed on the edge of the table tin can, tightly closed with a lid, so that 2/3 of the jar hung off the table. After some time, the can fell. What was in the jar?
5. Is it possible to create another element from two chemical elements?
6. As you know, all native Russian female names end in either “a” or “ya”: Anna, Maria, Olga, etc. However, there is only one girl's name that does not end in either "a" or "z". Name it.
7. Name five days without giving numbers (eg 1, 2, 3,..) or names of days (eg Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...).
8. When is the best time for a black cat to get into the house?
9. There are a ruler, a pencil, a compass and an eraser on the table. You need to draw a circle on a piece of paper. Where to begin?
10. One train travels from Moscow to St. Petersburg with a delay of 10 minutes, and the other from St. Petersburg to Moscow with a delay of 20 minutes. Which of these trains will be closer to Moscow when they meet?
11. Three swallows flew out of the nest. What is the probability that after 15 seconds they will be in the same plane?
12. There are two coins on the table; in total they give 3 rubles. One of them is not 1 ruble. What coins are these?
13. How fast should a dog run so as not to hear the clink of a frying pan tied to its tail?
14. A satellite makes one revolution around the Earth in 1 hour 40 minutes, and another in 100 minutes. How can it be?
15. The roof of one house is not symmetrical: one slope makes an angle of 60 degrees with the horizontal, the other makes an angle of 70 degrees. Suppose a rooster lays an egg on the ridge of a roof. In which direction will the egg fall - towards a flatter or steeper slope?
16. There is an elevator in a 12-story building. Only 2 people live on the ground floor; from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this building is pressed most often?
17. The boy fell down 4 steps and broke his leg. How many legs will a boy break if he falls down 40 steps?
18. A very old riddle: by railway Kondrat was walking to Leningrad, and five guys were walking towards him. Each of the guys had 2 baskets, each basket had 3 cats. Each cat has 2 mice in its teeth, and each mouse also has a mouse. Then Uncle Kondrat thought: how many guys, kittens and mice went to Leningrad?
19. Is this possible: two heads, two arms and six legs, but only four in walking?
20. Which wheel does not spin when turning right?
21. Another riddle "with a beard": there were two fathers and two sons, they found three oranges. They began to divide - everyone got one. How could this be?
22. There were 90 apples growing on a birch tree. Blown strong wind, and 10 apples fell. How much is left?
23. What words exhausted Winnie the Pooh?
24. Under what tree does a hare sit when it rains?
25. How far into the forest can a hare run?
26. What word always sounds wrong?
27. What dishes can not eat anything?
28. Where does the chicken go when crossing the road?
29. What horse doesn’t eat oats?
30. When is the day shorter: in winter or summer?
31. When is a number called a fruit?
32. What is thrown when it is needed and picked up when it is no longer needed?
33. What will the gray horse be like if you bathe him?
34. How many eggs can you eat on an empty stomach?
35. What stones have not yet been discovered by geologists in the channels of existing rivers?
36. Where does the water stand?
Answers
1. Yes, if the tractor drivers are women.
2. 20 left: blown out candles will not burn out completely.
3. No, - in 72 hours it will be midnight again.
4. A piece of ice.
5. Yes, galvanic.
6. Love.
7. The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow.
8. Many people immediately say that at night. Everything is much simpler: when the door is open
9. You need to get a sheet of paper.
10. At the moment of meeting they will be at the same distance from Moscow.
11. Three points always form one plane.
12. 1 and 2 rubles.
13. This problem in the company is immediately identified by the physicist: the physicist immediately answers that she needs to run at supersonic speed. Of course, it is enough for the dog to stand still.
14. 1 hour 40 minutes = 100 minutes
15. Roosters don't lay eggs.
16. Regardless of the distribution of residents by floor, button "1".
17. Just one, because his second one is already broken.
18. Not at all - they all walked towards him.
19. Yes, this is a rider on a horse.
20. Spare.
21. They were grandfather, father and son.
22. Apples don’t grow on birch trees.
23. Long.
24. Under the wet.
25. Until the middle. Then he runs out of the forest.
26. The word "wrong".
27. From empty.
28. To the other side of the road.
29. Chess.
30. A day is always 24 hours.
31. At school, “one” is “banana”; at the shooting range, “ten” is “apple”.
32. Anchor.
33. Wet.
34. One (the second will no longer be on an empty stomach :).
35. Dry.
36. In a glass.
