Shy child: who is to blame and what to do? What to do if a child is shy? If the child is too shy

But not a baby anymore. It is believed that pre-teenage is one of the easiest years for parents: the child has already adapted to school, he has hobbies, and gradually he is given more and more independence... But there are children for whom it is not easy even at this prosperous age - shy and with low self-esteem .

Lowest self-esteem is at 9-10 years old

What is self-esteem in psychology? This is an individual’s assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place among other people.

Children from birth have high self-esteem. This, of course, is a phenomenon fueled by parents - the baby for them is the center of the Universe, their world. He is constantly admired, people always show him love. As they grow older, self-esteem begins to fall: parents increasingly swear at the child, he encounters a society that shatters his ideas about himself.

And by the age of 9-10 this decline reaches its lowest point. Researchers are unanimous in describing the characteristics of self-esteem in children of this age, noting its situational nature, instability, susceptibility to external influences in early adolescence and greater stability and versatility in covering various spheres of life in older adolescence.

Of course, there are factors that can have both a beneficial and destructive effect on a child:

character traits;
relationships with parents and other family members;
position (authority) among peers and friends;
learning achievements and teacher attitudes;
physiological data (appearance) and success, as well as personal achievements.

Self-esteem test

Do you observe in your child:

reluctance to contact peers, refusal to attend public events and outings;
the occurrence of increased anxiety, panic;
confidence that nothing will work out, and if it does, it’s an accident;
avoiding public speaking at school or family events;
dependence on the opinions of others;
imitation of classmates or screen images;
isolation, reluctance to share one’s thoughts, assumptions, problems and current events (at school or on the street).

If you answered "yes" more than 5 times, then it makes sense to think about helping the child.

How to increase self-esteem: 9 rules

How can parents or loved ones help a child in such a situation?

Do not speak negatively about your child’s appearance, rather help him: select special products to combat the problems that have arisen (acne, excess weight, unpleasant odor).
When making a comment, do not criticize the child himself, but speak only about his behavior or actions.
Praise regularly, but only constructively, that is, for things that are not his responsibility or normal business.
Don't compare your own child's achievements to those of other children.
Respect your teenager: ask and listen to his opinion, consider him an equal and in no case humiliate his dignity.
Watch his appearance so that he does not walk around in dirty and torn clothes, and also help him find his own style in clothing and teach him how to combine things correctly.
Help you achieve something on your own, develop your abilities, but most importantly, identify them.
Teach your child to refuse: then other people will not be able to use him for their own purposes and will be respected more, which will lead to increased self-esteem.

Shyness

Shyness is one of the common symptoms of early adolescence. But its harbingers can be seen much earlier: at the age of 5-6 years, parents note that the child withdraws into himself. He is shy when guests come to the house, does not participate in children's performances and, as a rule, has difficulty going to kindergarten or crowded places. Some children even get sick before guests arrive or because they have to go visit!

And when a child reaches school age, this problem becomes especially acute. After all, all those developmental features, including physiological ones, which we have already talked about are added here.

What is shyness? Shyness (shyness, timidity)- a state of mind and the resulting behavior of a person, the characteristic features of which are indecisiveness, fearfulness, tension, constraint and awkwardness in society due to lack of self-confidence or lack of social skills. Translated into Russian, this definition from the dictionary means that a person is afraid, constantly in anticipation of a blow, a shock from the world around him.

Of course, shyness is a certain stress for the body and psyche. How can we help a child?

Positive thinking will come to the rescue. Teach your child to find advantages in communication, in people. Let him highlight these advantages on his own, or even better, write them down.
Don't scare him yourself. Often it is from adults that the attitude comes that the whole world is dangerous and there are enemies all around. Think about what you say, how you speak about teachers, children and relatives.
Teach your child to breathe! Strange advice? After all, everyone knows how to breathe? No, this is just one of the powerful ways to control the psyche. Inhale, exhale - it is better to step aside if it is not possible to take these breaths quietly, silently. At the same time, track this time by clock. Cycle: 45 seconds of breathing - according to plan and 45 seconds - as usual. The brain is distracted by this task and forgets about its panic about the stress of communication.
Learn poetry. Is it funny too? No! Learn long poems with your child - together. And then stand with him alone or with other family members in front of the mirror and start reciting. This is the beginning of your training for public speaking. This is a step towards getting rid of excessive shyness. The child must evaluate how he performed and how you performed, give you and himself a rating on a 10-point scale.
Invite people into your home. It is easier to cope with fears and shyness on your own territory.
Organize performances, concerts - for now for your relatives, for the holidays.
Enter the tradition of annual photo shoots. Everyone likes to look at themselves in beautiful pictures.
Buy your child bright clothes. By helping him be a gray mouse, you only make things worse.

You can only walk the path to healing and peace together!

Comment on the article "Child 9-10 years old: shyness and low self-esteem. What to do?"

Why did the child become shy?

Almost all little children under 3 years old can be called shy, timid, but this is not a character trait, but simply a child’s defensive reaction to the unknown world around him. He hides behind his mother’s skirt, but looks out from behind it with pleasure, looking at new people, acquaintances, new streets and houses. Children often behave normally in front of mom and dad, but when grandparents and parents’ friends come, they feel anxiety, an invasion of their personal protected space, and this makes them nervous, they have mood swings, they run away to another room , not to mention talking to strangers. But this behavior is quite normal for little children - they are just getting acquainted with this world. But if after 3 years, when the child goes to kindergarten or when he comes to visit someone, he cannot utter a word, then no matter how hard they try to liberate him, shyness can completely absorb the baby.

You should pay attention to how the child behaves at a party: if after some time he plays around and makes friends with everyone, then there is no reason to worry. Well, if the child has become shy, and even by the end of the evening he still does not leave your side and still has not spoken to anyone, it means that your baby has really become extremely timid, and there may be several reasons for this.

"Innate" shyness

A person is already born with a certain type of temperament. It can be simply impossible to retrain or re-educate a child, because timidity is part of him, not contrived or acquired, but one might say, innate. And in this case, the child needs to be helped to live and survive with this shyness, and not try to suppress it.

Low self-esteem

We very often meet adults who look impressive, but they have extremely low self-esteem. But all this has been going on since childhood, and even his parents may be to blame. A single carelessly dropped phrase can become deeply embedded in a child’s mind and will not allow him to fully develop. So, for example, a mother may one day say to her daughter: “There’s no need to hang around in front of the mirror! You won’t see anything special there anyway!” And then the girl really begins to think that there is nothing special about her, that she is a little gray mouse that no one will ever pay attention to. Here you have an inferiority complex and low self-esteem. If a child is constantly “shut down” and told that he is bad, that he does not know how to do this, does not know how to do that, will never achieve anything and does not strive for anything, then in this case the parents themselves program him for this. And the baby begins to think that if his parents say this, it means that everyone around him knows about his shortcomings and everyone laughs at him - how can you be lively and cheerful after such thoughts?

Physical disabilities

Another reason that does not depend on others is the child’s physical disabilities. This could be some disfiguring facial features, lameness, displacement of the vertebrae, tumors, cerebral palsy, and poor eyesight, as a result of which the child has to wear ridiculously strong glasses. All this will not give confidence even to an adult, let alone children. If physical disabilities are congenital, then for the first 2 years the child is unlikely to be embarrassed by them, because he does not yet understand that he is not like everyone else. But when he communicates more and more with his peers, and even more so when he goes to kindergarten, this is where the problems begin. Children do not like people who stand out, who are different, they become angry towards them, push them away, call them names, try to annoy them in every possible way, and are not friends with them. As a result, the baby almost becomes an outcast, he begins to be afraid of communication and other people, tries to be alone so that no one sees him or laughs at him. This is extremely painful for a little soul, and without the help of parents, the child will remain shy and closed to everyone.

Pressure from educators and teachers

In every fifth family, children have conflicts with their kindergarten teachers or school teachers. And how could the child not please them? This could be personal hostility, or the child’s banal hyperactivity or silence. If the baby was initially a little shy, then the teacher’s unpleasant reprimands can completely frighten the child, and he will be timid even at home. An attentive parent will definitely notice such changes in the child’s behavior and will be forced to talk with the teacher or transfer the child to another group.

At school, a child may not show serious success, and as a result, he will hear unpleasant words addressed to him: “slow-witted,” “ignorant,” “mentally retarded,” “you won’t achieve anything in this life,” “lazy.” A child already frightened by the new society may completely withdraw into himself, become timid and fearful, especially if you support not the child, but the position of the teacher.

There can be two outcomes from such situations: the child will protest against such an attitude towards himself, or he will begin to think that he is really not worthy of recognition, that everyone only thinks that he is bad, that he is a loser. The child is afraid to approach his peers because he is sure in advance that they will not accept him; he is afraid to say anything at the blackboard because he is sure that unpleasant words will be directed at him again.

What does shyness lead to?

Many people are accustomed to thinking that a shy child will never reach the top in his life. But anything is possible, especially if parents can direct children’s timidity in the right direction.

Positive outcome of shyness

If shyness did not come to the child as a result of ridicule and improper upbringing, but is simply an integral part of him, then there is nothing wrong with it. Such children are often soft, friendly, ready to help others, especially pets, and they have a kind, sympathetic heart. And even if they do not strive for the top, for parliamentary mandates, they can realize themselves as respectable individuals. Shy children never enter into conflicts, they try to hush everything up even at the stage of a quarrel, they try to listen and hear their opponent. It is for their sincerity and kindness that others begin to appreciate such children.

Of course, in the modern world, shyness is no longer such a significant character trait as it was 20 years ago, but even now many guys like shy girls more than their fighting peers, and they create families with just such shy friends.

Negative outcome of shyness

But often shyness in children appears as a result of unpleasant life situations and the negative attitude of others. In this case, parents need to be extremely sensitive and help the child increase his self-esteem, otherwise he may carry shyness throughout his life, never achieving success either in his career or in his personal life.

The child is embarrassed to go to the board, embarrassed to approach Santa Claus and tell him a poem in order to receive a gift, he even remains silent when he desperately wants a bright toy in the store. As a result, another schoolchild gets an A at the board, Santa Claus gives the gift to a more courageous child, and a toy is bought for his brother because he had the courage to ask his parents for it. The child deprives himself of many joys and achievements just because he is very embarrassed to take this small step. And in the future, he will be timid before the first declaration of love, and his potential soul mate may simply be taken away from under his nose.

And what is most offensive for parents is to see that the child is not only embarrassed, but also accepts all the blows of fate and failures for granted. Since childhood, the kid has become accustomed to the fact that he can’t do anything, that he is not worthy of everything that others have, and he simply comes to terms with it.

How to overcome a child's shyness?

Every parent worries about the future of their child; we want them to be successful, find themselves in this life and never know troubles. And almost all of us are sure that shyness will not become a faithful assistant in the lives of our children. What should we do with it? How to overcome a child’s shyness without destroying his individuality? But the main thing is not to eradicate this timidity, but to understand whether this needs to be done at all. Perhaps, by fighting your child’s shyness, you will only withdraw him into yourself even more, so make attempts to “re-educate” him, but very carefully weigh the results and successes of your baby.

If your child has already begun to feel shy, do not scold him for it, especially do not say the phrases “why are you shy, like a muslin young lady, look how lively your classmates are” in the presence of these same friends or other children. This way you will only develop an even greater inferiority complex in the child, you will disgrace him, and now the child will certainly not speak to anyone, because he will think that everyone will laugh at him;
In order to become at least a little more relaxed, the child needs to communicate, and it is the parents who should help him with this. Invite your friends and your child’s friends to visit you more often. If your baby does not make contact, communicate with him, talk with others and be sure to ask what your child thinks about it. Of course, the baby will be shy and may simply bury his head in your hair, but confidential words and physical contact (stroking the head, holding your hand) should help the child feel safe. Tell your child about the people who should come to you so that the child can get to know them in absentia;
If you scold a child, be sure to tell him that he can do better, that you are confident in his abilities, and he just needs to try a little. Give the child aspiration, and do not humiliate him with words that he is ignorant, knows nothing and cannot do anything;
What should parents do if their child is embarrassed by his obvious shortcomings? Even if your child has physical disabilities, you shouldn’t constantly feel sorry for him and pretend that no one notices. From childhood, a child needs to know that he is not like everyone else, but you must fill his life with such love and care so that the child understands that you can live with these shortcomings, and you can earn friends with your openness and friendliness. Be sure to prepare your child for what awaits him outside the walls of his home, that he may be offended and teased. But you must teach your child to be persistent and love life only for what you are in this life. Teach your child to be sociable and not take it all so personally. Of course, this is not easy, but without your help and support, the baby may completely lose his zeal for life;
Increase your child’s low self-esteem: praise him for the slightest successes, and even if something doesn’t work out for him, always offer your help and say that you believe in him and are confident in his strengths and successes;
Teach your child to treat even failures with humor and try again, and not give up after the first failure;
If you notice that your child is very afraid and embarrassed to try something new, especially if it goes against the rules, do it with him. Do you see that your little one is staring at your new shoes, but is embarrassed to ask you to try them on? Invite her to try on all your shoes together, let her wear lipstick for the holiday. Let something forbidden become accessible to the child, and then, perhaps, he will stop being so afraid of everything new;
If you notice inappropriate behavior of a teacher or educator in relation to your child for a long time, think about changing the group, kindergarten, class or school, otherwise your child’s psyche may be disrupted.

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Symptoms of shyness in children of different ages. The main causes and modern ways to solve this problem. The role of parents in the development and treatment of the syndrome. Tips for a child to get rid of shyness.

Contents of the article:

Shyness in a child is a state of mental health and his behavior among others, the main characteristics of which are timidity, indecisiveness, shyness, fearfulness and constraint. Most often, it first appears at an early age and gives children such traits as modesty, obedience, and restraint. This is how masks are created, behind which the essence, the true character of the child is almost invisible, and his development in society as an individual is also hampered.

Reasons for the development of shyness in children

It is known that the child’s psyche is not yet a fully formed system. Such imperfection makes the child vulnerable to even the most seemingly trivial situations. As a result, the brain generates the activation of many defensive reactions, including shyness, secrecy and uncertainty.

There are several main causes of shyness in children:

Genetic predisposition. To date, many scientific studies have proven that heredity is often the main and only triggering factor in the development of this condition. The accumulation of various mutations over a number of generations puts every child born in the future at risk. In this case, they speak of almost one hundred percent propensity.
Natural factors. It is worth mentioning here that each person has a specific type of nervous system. It is believed that it is introverts (secretive and withdrawn) who are most susceptible to developing such a quality as shyness. People with melancholic and phlegmatic types of temperament also form a huge risk group, but their absence also does not exclude the possibility of getting it. Research shows that excessive activity in childhood, once stopped, can lead to shyness later on.
Social environment. This group includes all sorts of connections between the child and the outside world. Of course, the most important thing is family upbringing. The main problems are increased guardianship or, conversely, distance from the child’s mental problems. Parents are not able to provide moral comfort and support, deciding everything for him or not being interested in him at all. In this case, shyness is formed persistently and can accompany the whole life. It happens that the reason is hidden in relation to peers. Excessive aggressiveness or activity of other children can suppress the desire to communicate with them.
Adaptation disorder. Every few years in a child’s life, he experiences some kind of adaptive reactions - to crawling, walking, self-care, visiting kindergarten, school and many other institutions. As they arise, positive and negative character traits are formed, which cultivate in the child the ability to resist external influences. If this process does not go well, it can lead to the development of uncertainty, indecisiveness and shyness.
Somatic pathology. This refers to the presence of diseases of internal organs, the signs of which may distinguish the child from other children. Most often this is the presence of any developmental pathologies, traces of burns, frostbite, wounds that left marks on the body. Very often this becomes the reason for excessive attention or even teasing. This reaction can also be traced to disabled children. In view of this, in order to limit himself, the baby closes himself off, moves away from others, talks less and prefers to be alone most of the time.
Miseducation. Parental influence primarily shapes the child as an individual. If there is too much of it, excessive guardianship leads to complete lack of independence and indecisiveness in the future. Also, if maternal care becomes more rigid and demands on children exceed their capabilities, an inferiority complex arises. Such a child withdraws and considers himself not good enough to appear in society.

The main symptoms of shyness in a child

It is necessary to start with the fact that a shy child really suffers. After all, this state guides him in all life situations. He cannot feel comfortable anywhere or with anyone. A constant feeling of uncertainty and cowardice haunts me every day. Unfortunately, many parents, trying to help, only make the situation worse. After all, the first thing they do is decide to remove the child from making decisions and do it themselves. As a result, even more inferiority and uncertainty fall on him.

To know how to help a child overcome shyness, you need to learn several of its signs. Among them:

Pay attention! Very often, the listed signs are not considered alarming and are mistaken for the whims of the child, punishing him for this. As a result of such treatment, the baby’s condition is even more depressed.

How to deal with shyness in a child

To achieve any result, you need to understand that shyness is not just a character trait, but a pathological condition. Only after realizing this can you begin to look for ways to solve this problem. You should look for them immediately, because every day lived with such thinking leads the child to an independent way out of the situation. Often this means leaving home or even attempting suicide. Correcting shyness in children requires an integrated approach involving both themselves and their environment.

Mom and dad are the first and most important advisers in a child’s life. It is from them that he copies most of his behavior patterns, and they also correct his own. It is very important that parents monitor the psycho-emotional state of their children and help them adapt to new stages in life. This is especially necessary if their child experiences difficulties in communicating and realizing himself as an individual.

To know how to overcome shyness in a child, you need to follow the following tips:

Don't scold. Screaming will provoke even greater secrecy and shyness. Children will feel guilty for this behavior and will not come to their parents for advice or help in the future. This will only worsen the situation and narrow the circle of trust to its complete absence. This behavior will make the child withdraw into himself, and it will be much more difficult to get him out of this state.
Be interested in personal life. Children in the modern world are little adults. Don't think that there is nothing to talk about with them. These little people contain within themselves a huge inner world of experiences and worries that they cannot yet cope with alone. You need to find the right approach to the child, ask what he is thinking about, why he is doing this or that action, who he is friends with and what he is sad about. This is very important. If you manage to become not only a parent to him, but also a friend, you can save him from the problem yourself.
Be able to listen. Children need to be noticed. Due to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, there is often not enough time for them. And while we are imitating attentiveness, the children show and tell us about all their troubles. But, unfortunately, sooner or later they get tired of doing this. They get offended, withdraw into themselves and will no longer make contact. Therefore, every word spoken by children has its own meaning. You must be able to not only listen to them, but also hear them in order to have time to notice any problems and correct them.
Support. You need to be able to accept defeats, just like victories. Children do not always know how to do this themselves correctly. Often, after just one failure, they never dare to try something again. Parental duty obliges to explain to the child that he is loved as he is and is not required to be perfect. You need to teach him to slowly and confidently step towards his goal, despite previous defeats.
Become an example. Children are a reflection of their parents. No one's features will be reflected in them as much as the features of mother in girls and father's in boys. Being overly demanding can lead to feelings of shame. The child will be ashamed of his mistakes and worry that he did not live up to expectations. Therefore, parents, first of all, need to be able to admit their mistakes and show by personal example that this is not scary, but only stimulates further action.
Encourage. In fact, all children deserve the attention of their parents, and these especially. Among the best ways are going to a cafe, amusement park, or performances. Various comedy performances will help the child learn to perceive himself and not pass off peculiarities as oddities. Spending time in familiar circles has an overall positive effect on children.

Still, it is better to solve the problem from the inside. Overcoming shyness in children is their own responsibility. No matter how hard others try, they must take the most important step themselves. After all, until the child himself begins to change his attitude towards reality, all attempts to help from the outside will be in vain.

To make it easier for him to do this, you can offer some of the following tips:

Be sure. Even if fear does not go away, you should always prohibit it from expressing itself in any way externally. To make it easier, you need to straighten your shoulders, lift your chin, and take a deep breath. This will help show others that there is no panic and that opposite them is a completely confident person.
Smile. This is a win-win option to gain the trust of your opponent. There is absolutely no need to fake a panicked laugh or a fit of laughter. A slight smile on your face will be enough, which will relax you and will predispose you towards other children in the future.
Look into the eyes. This is the most difficult, but most effective remedy. It is believed that a person who is able to keep his gaze on his interlocutor has an advantage over him. Maintaining eye contact also helps to maintain a conversation, and the person himself feels more confident and calm.
Actively engage in dialogue. You must not be shy to ask and willingly answer the questions asked. It is best to start with short verbal skirmishes, and over time you will be able to join any conversation without difficulty. It is also important to show others your interest in what is happening.
Attend various events. Not the easiest task, but it has great significance. After all, in a wide circle, a shy child will initially only be able to listen and gradually join the team. This way, too much attention will not be drawn to him, and he will be able to open up to others on his own. Suitable for children's birthdays and holidays.
Finding a hobby. Trying to find yourself is very important. To do this, you can enroll in various clubs on creativity, handicrafts or with a sports bias. In most cases, something you love will soon appear in which you can express yourself and get a lot of pleasure from it. One of the best options is a theater studio. In such a place you can develop a huge number of positive qualities, as well as get rid of shyness, indecision and shyness.
Fight your fears. To do this, you need to decide to do what scares you the most, dare to take difficult actions and overcome your fear. This always presents many difficulties and obstacles. But after eliminating at least one fear comes a feeling of pride and joy for yourself.
Embrace shyness. Denial of one's own identity ruins the lives of many people. It is easier to deal with problems if you are not afraid of them and accept them. You need to realize your special trait and not be ashamed of it, but transform, change or get rid of it. Once this feeling comes, it will bring relief in the emotional sphere.
Get help. Close people exist to help us. Independence is good only where it can destroy the problem. In this case, taking outside advice will be the right decision and will help you quickly adapt to the unknown. Sometimes these are parents, friends, or maybe complete strangers who have found a common language.
Play sports. In most cases, this approach helps the fastest. Physical exercise not only has a general strengthening effect on the body, but also strengthens the position of such a child among others (especially if it is a boy). New skills and opportunities emerge that you can only admire.

How to overcome shyness in children - watch the video:

Shyness in a child is a problem that occurs quite often and can lead to serious consequences. Much of the responsibility for children with this trait belongs to parents, who should not only be aware of it, but also be able to prevent it. Methods for getting rid of this quality are also quite simple and do not require the use of additional treatment methods if used on time. Therefore, keeping an eye on your children is the most important and useful advice in this case.

Excessive shyness indicates that the child has low self-esteem. And although he doesn’t realize it, he feels it very well. Helping such a child is to increase confidence in one’s own actions and actions. And here the main principle will be - do no harm! Using the wrong words and methods will only make the situation worse.

Is it worth paying attention?

On the one hand, modesty gives a girl charm. A shy boy cannot be called annoying, pushy or arrogant. These are sympathetic and friendly people, they will always listen and come to the rescue. Shy girls and boys make true friends.

On the other hand, it can be a disaster when a child is not able to communicate normally with children, play with them, or make friends. He is frightened by new people and surroundings. The kid is worried, but he can’t help himself.

These small problems grow into huge ones in the future. Shy people often remain lonely, it is difficult for them to find a soul mate and start a family. Because of their timidity and constraint, they are invisible and unsuccessful.

Man is a social being. He cannot live outside of society. And it is the duty of adults to help such a child. That is, teach how to interact with people. And it’s better to start doing this in early childhood.

Psychology: Shy children

Shyness and indecision in modern life are, if not a flaw, then certainly a character trait that interferes in many ways. Where does excessive shyness come from in children, and how can we help the child?

Note to moms!

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Signs of Shyness

A shy child is easy to pick out from the crowd. When visiting, he does not leave his mother’s side, hides behind her back, remains silent. Where all the children are playing, this little one sits quietly on the sidelines and sadly watches.

General signs. Rapid pulse, muscle tension, profuse sweating, bright blush - the first symptoms. They constrain the baby and do not allow him to relax. As a result, the child feels severe discomfort. This is accompanied by a quiet voice, excessive excitement, if attention is paid to it. The kid is cautious in his actions. It’s easier for him not to do anything at all in order to remain invisible.
Self-criticism. Such children are overly demanding of themselves. They consider themselves worse than others, inferior. This applies to both appearance and behavior. As a result of complexes, they become even more distant from people.
Closedness. Closed children in any group. It is difficult to get them to talk or involve them in social activities. They try to remain silent when asked; they prefer loneliness to fun games.
Shyness. Any child will be happy when he is praised, but not this little one. It is easier for him to remain in the shadows than to receive a portion of a little attention. Public praise is stressful for him.
Shyness. Fear of novelty and public. New people, places, any unfamiliar situation. The baby tries to get away from her, to hide. He feels calm only in familiar surroundings.
Indecisiveness. It is difficult for such a child to make decisions. He feels insecure about his own actions and thoughts. He is tormented by doubts: he is doing the right thing or not. Even small tasks cause huge difficulties.
Speech impairment. In ordinary life, these children are uncommunicative; they do not talk to strangers - they are shy. Speaking in public is contraindicated for them. Fear and anxiety can lead to stuttering and hesitation in speech.

Where does shyness come from?

To help a child overcome excessive modesty and uncertainty, you need to know the reason for its origin. Sometimes, by eliminating the source, the problem itself disappears.

Heredity. If close relatives in the family, including parents, suffered from shyness, the baby could inherit this quality.
Due to temperament. Phlegmatic and melancholic people are naturally prone to shyness. These types of temperament are also characterized by introversion. That is, they are focused not on external communication with people around them, but on their inner world.
Example of parents. Children learn to interact with society by repeating the behavior of adults. If one of the relatives in the family has this quality, the child could copy it.
Upbringing. Sometimes parents themselves, without knowing it, instill shyness in their child. Criticism, frequent punishments, prohibitions without explanation form a certain behavior of the child. He tries to meet the expectations of adults.
Cruelty. When there is an unfavorable situation in the family, there is psychological pressure, tyranny or assault, the baby closes down, grows up fearful and tense.
Long-term isolation. In other words, lack of experience. This happens when a child is often sick and stays at home. The reason may be the family's closed intra-family policy. Parents devoted little time to the baby’s communication with other children.
Overprotection. As a type of special (intentional) isolation. This is excessive guardianship over the child by family and friends. It occurs in overly anxious and suspicious parents. Fearing for the baby's health, or that he may be offended, adults deliberately do not allow contact with strangers. It is common for parents suffering from overprotection to keep their children in “home confinement.”

Shy child: future loser?

How to help a child?

The baby cannot cope with this task on his own. And in the future, a small problem can develop into a big tragedy. What should parents do?

Praise. Encourage and encourage the child verbally: “You will succeed!”, “You are so smart!”, “I am proud of you!” Do this as often as possible. When a baby feels the support of loving parents, it gives confidence.
Demonstrate how important it is. Ask your child's opinion on a particular issue. When choosing clothes, any purchases for the home, a surprise for dad or grandma. Let the child feel that he is taken into account, that his opinion is important. In this way, children's self-esteem grows.
Show that adults make mistakes too. And there's nothing wrong with that. Parental authority is of great importance for the baby. Seeing that even adults make mistakes, the child will have a different attitude towards his own failures. Teach him not to dwell on mistakes, but to try to correct them.
Practice while playing. Children try on social roles through play. Hone your skills in interacting with society in story-based games: “On a Visit”, “At the Clinic”, “Bus”, “Toys Go to Kindergarten”. A child can try himself in any role without fear or anxiety. Here you can rehearse the use of polite words, how to make new acquaintances, rules of conduct in public places, and more.
Let's get some instructions. Simple tasks that your child can complete independently. Start with the simplest ones: give money to the seller at the checkout, give an item to an adult, help collect the necessary products in the store. And be sure to praise.
Visit crowded places. Being in places where children gather, the child gets used to being in society. In addition, he sees patterns of behavior of other kids: how they communicate, get to know each other, and interact. There is no need to insist on playing with children, let him watch. Over time, he will become interested in trying it himself. But you need to visit such places often.
Invite children to visit. The child feels more confident in his own territory. Here he is the master, here everything is familiar to him. It is easier for a child to decide to contact people when surrounded by familiar surroundings and toys.

“Advice from a child psychologist” How to overcome shyness in children?

Parents' mistakes

A timid, modest child is easily hurt. He closes himself off from others, but hears and understands everything. Sometimes relatives and friends without realizing it provoke his shy behavior.

The desire to remake the child. Adults deliberately create situations that the baby fears the most. They focus attention on the problem, discuss it out loud, and ask them to recite a poem in public. For a shy little one, this is stressful. The effect will be the opposite of what was expected. The child will close himself off even more and stop trusting his parents.
They don't pay attention.“That’s what we have!” or “When he grows up, he will change!” Ignoring is also a mistake. The situation will not change on its own. This will develop into a complex that he will not be able to cope with on his own. The baby may remain shy, lonely and unhappy for the rest of his life.
Expecting a quick effect. Even if you follow all the rules and precautions, do not expect quick results. The child needs time. In each specific case individually. There is no need to force things. Create conditions, encourage the slightest achievements and his first independent attempts. Be your child's friend!

Mom's school. Shy child. How to instill self-confidence in him and teach him to stand up for himself?

Some children are calm by nature. It’s as if they were born with an “old soul”: they seem to know and feel much more for their age. Emotionally mature beyond their years, they play, read or draw alone and look completely happy. I don't worry about such children. I worry about those who seem calm but are actually unhappy...

I call them timid children. They are quiet and it's scary. They shrink if you talk to them. Such a child stands helplessly when asked to complete a small task, not knowing where to start. Instead of explaining why the homework isn't done, he simply remains silent, wanting to disappear.

Now I often see timid children, more often than before, and I think about them constantly. I have been paying attention to this feature for a long time. The first “bell” was a boy who came up to me with a broken pencil and said: “My pencil is broken.” My suggestion was to take another one. But why didn’t it occur to him himself?

Shy children are quiet and shrink when you talk to them.

Another example. I ask the girl where her folder is, but she just silently looks down. There are also children who constantly approach the teacher because they cannot choose a job on their own: they need to be constantly told what to do next. What finally convinced me of the correctness of my thoughts was the incident with the girl who spilled milk all over the table. She continued to sit on the chair and did not even jump up so as not to wet her clothes, and the milk poured onto her lap.

For years I thought such children were simply shy, but now I see that in some sense they are “crippled.” They are so accustomed to the fact that all-knowing adults “help” them and control them even in small things, and they have never learned to act, let alone think for themselves. This phenomenon is becoming increasingly common because adults do too much for children: they are sometimes overly protective of them, or are very busy with their own affairs, or are trying to save time, or are afraid that they will have to clean up for a long time.

Children need to be independent! Find your own sneakers and clean up after yourself. They need to choose and sometimes make mistakes. They must feel their strength. Let the baby walk around in different socks that he put on himself, or in shoes on the wrong feet, and adults should not make a tragedy out of this.

The little man who dresses himself may wear his T-shirt inside out, but his spirit is not broken! A toddler who butters his own sandwich will leave behind a much bigger mess than if an adult did the cooking, but he is growing physically and emotionally.

Ordinary activities, such as cooking, help a child gain self-confidence

A timid child: how adults can help him become more confident

Parents always ask how to teach their children at home. They expect me to talk about math or reading lessons or recommend a great computer program that will give them an edge in their studies. You can do all this with your child, but I think it will be more beneficial if adults teach children how to hammer nails and make a birdhouse, assemble a model together, and sew on a button. These challenges expand your possibilities! They show young explorers that they can create something and have an impact on the space around them.

All children want to feel like a star. In a dance school, in a football team or in a scout club. The more often a preschooler finds himself in a situation of success, the more he is ready to try his hand at other activities. Unfortunately, for some children, belief in their own success depends only on how ideal their actions are and how they please adults.

Raising a self-confident person will require additional effort, and, as a rule, parents will need to say goodbye to some obsessions to begin with. No one is going to take photos of your playroom for Better Homes and Gardens magazine. This is your children's territory. Organize it so they can find what they want and put things back easily. You'll likely have to get rid of broken or unwanted toys, even if you paid a fortune for them!

Then look at the nursery. Can your child reach the bar in the closet and hang clothes? Is it easy for him to make his bed by simply pulling the blanket over him? Can he dress himself without getting nervous? Pants with elastic bands and regular T-shirts with elastic necks may not look as stylish, but these are the clothes that encourage children to be independent.

Children are inspired when they can put on and button their own clothes.

Involve children in cooking. Toddlers can set the table and tear lettuce leaves. Over time, give them more freedom in the kitchen. There are many meals and snacks that can be easily prepared in the microwave. Teach your children how to use it.

What about household chores and minor repairs? By hiring landscape designers and decorators, we deprive children of the opportunity to try themselves in many things. If only the housekeeper wipes the dust in the house, the child misses another chance to feel needed and important.

This won't work if you just tell the kids to do their chores. There must be collaboration. I remember many years ago, my student’s dad objected to his daughter wiping the tables in the classroom after lunch (although preschoolers almost fight over this...). He wanted the girl to study all the time, and not do household chores, as if taking care of herself and others was something humiliating. If I had my current knowledge then, I would have been able to explain that the girl is actually studying all the time, and what he insists on will not benefit her.

There is no need to add more classes and clubs to your already packed schedule. Just involve your baby in the tasks you are doing, let him be useful, let him feel his strength. If your child has made the bed, NEVER redo it. If he has set the table, NEVER rearrange the cutlery. If you don't like the way the little guy did it, you can always find a way to explain. For example, an adult sets one place at the table, and the child looks at this example and lays out the rest of the cutlery.

Self-esteem will not appear with the wave of a magic wand; it must be earned: setting meaningful goals for yourself and successfully completing them. It takes effort, but it's worth it.