Bad relationship between brother and sister. Brother hurts sister. How to build a relationship with your brother? A thousand and one ways to make brothers and sisters friends

Many parents are concerned about the appearance of a second child in the family and the reaction of the first to this event. Parents fear that with the advent of a second child, resentment will inevitably begin, a struggle for the attention of parents and whims in children.

But it is not all that bad! The reaction to this event can be smoothed out if it is presented to the firstborn not as something bad, but, on the contrary, as an unconditionally joyful event. It is necessary for the child to feel and understand the following points:

• The amount of love and attention given to him does not change.
• Parents are EQUALLY happy with both the first and second child.
• Parents will still find time to be alone with him, play and communicate personally with him.
• Having a second child is normal

What can be done?

• It is worth warning the first-born about the appearance of a brother or sister even before birth. When the mother's belly is already quite noticeable, tell the child that there is a sister (brother), and that he / she will be born soon, and then you will all live together. It will be great! (bring this event as a joyful one). To maintain the mood, you can periodically ask your child where the brother (sister) is; the child will be happy to point to the stomach
• Plan time so that every day you can talk with each of the children face to face.
• If, after the birth of a child, the eldest will need to be sent to kindergarten then do it beforehand. Let him not associate such abrupt change in your life with the arrival of a new child. The same remark is true for moving the child to another room.
• During walks, you can show your child strollers with newborn children and comment that he will soon have a brother (sister), who will also be just as small at first and will be able to walk only in a stroller
• It is helpful to teach self-care skills to an older child as far as possible in advance. After the baby is born, this senior self-care can save you a few minutes.
• When a mother is in the hospital, the older child needs a lot of love, care and attention. At this moment, it is important for him not to let him feel abandoned and not to give the feeling that a newborn child will bring only “troubles”. To do this, you can give the older child interesting gift as if it was given and passed by a newborn child. In addition, such a gift will emphasize the joy of the event and the festive atmosphere.
• Warn friends and relatives who want to personally congratulate you on your newborn that you need to buy a gift not only for the newborn, but also for the first child. And also warn that with the first child, no one would say phrases in the spirit of "Well, now it will be more difficult for you ..." or "You are not the smallest anymore, now this is your sister ...". These are simple things, but some of the "inexperienced" acquaintances may "forget"
• After returning from the hospital, the mother needs to go to the first child and give him as much attention and love as possible. This is very important for him: firstly, he missed you a lot, and secondly, this will not lead the child to the idea that his mother now new baby, and she loves him more (children sometimes evaluate love by the time spent with the child)
• For an older child, you can periodically come up with different interesting tales, which will reflect a similar situation. Those. in this fairy tale, one of the main characters will be a child, the same age as the eldest, and the second main character will be a child, the same age as the youngest... "correct" thoughts and behavior. The purpose of these fairy tales is to help your child cope with the stress associated with the appearance of a new man in the family. You can read more about such tales in, or in the book "Once upon a time there was a girl who looked like you ..." (Doris Brett)
• Every day you can massage the first and second child
• As the newborn develops, you can tell the elder that he himself was so small. Can show pictures

What can not be done?

• Before notifying a child about the birth of a brother / sister, ask "Do you want a brother?" ... Asking such a question, you may find yourself in an unfortunate situation if the child answers you "No" or something along the lines of "Let's better buy a dog you promised a long time ago!"
• To justify, apologize and guiltily tell the child the news about the appearance of a brother or sister
• Immediately after notifying the child, add phrases like “Don’t be afraid, it won’t hurt mom to give birth” or “Don’t worry, we will still love you” ... With such phrases you will increase the child’s anxiety and pessimistic expectations
• Before the birth of the child, tell the elder how great it will be after birth, that a brother or sister will play with the elder .... This is not true. A newborn baby will not play right away. Seeing the unwillingness to play on the part of the newborn and the inconsistency of what is happening with the fears of the parents, the child will experience disappointment
• To allow conversations in which it is discussed that now the firstborn has become worse, that now he is receiving less attention, etc. that his behavior is now badly deteriorated or has already deteriorated
• Give a lot of attention and love to a newborn and ignore the first child
• Say that you gave birth to a child for him (so that he could play with him or take care of him)
• Shame the elder for whims and manifestations of jealousy

What is important for parents to learn:

• Children should not be perceived as rivals in advance. Such expectations can only provoke the jealousy of children.
• Children should not compete for your love. Love them just the way they are
• In quarrels between children, it is worth taking a neutral position
• One way or another, the older child will have to periodically yield to the younger one, i.e. to sacrifice oneself for the sake of the second child, who "does not yet know everything" ... Such difficulties and sacrifices will lead to tempering of character. Statistical studies were carried out on the topic of who famous people were in childhood - older or younger. It turned out that the majority famous people were firstborn. Perhaps the reason for this phenomenon is the great responsibility of the elders. So it makes sense to develop and encourage responsibility not only in the older child, but also in the younger one.
• As children grow up, teach them to cooperate with each other.

How did you tell your child about the pregnancy? Share your experience in the comments on this post.

22.09.2015

Bad relationship between brother and sister. Brother hurts sister. How to build a relationship with your brother?

Girls, boys, I'm desperate. Native my brother hates me my strength is gone. For many years, I did literally everything to get along with him. normal relationship. He is 25 years old and I am 22 years old. I tried to talk to him, but all to no avail, he says that only he has such an attitude towards me, he says that hates me. I didn't do anything bad to him. How painful it is to hear sibling! In the end, I cry.

How it is expressed. In conversation with others, my brother intervenes, humiliating me. Constantly trying to offend, at every opportunity baseless reproaches and insults against me, rejoices at my failures and frankly, verbally, lowers, I'm afraid to respond to insults in a different way.

My brother is threatening me. I'd rather be silent with him. I ask for at least simple indifference - so that at least brother did not humiliate and did not insult me, at least for the sake of my mother. But this has been going on for years. My strength is no more. I'm scared to be in the same house with my brother. What to do? I'm at a dead end. Who had a similar situation?

'Cause it's mine Brother! My blood! Why and for what?

Sorry for the mess, tears in my eyes.

Offended by life, probably yours Brother. And you need a man to put the presumptuous boor in his place.

Everything has a point of reference. Nothing just happens. Maybe, brother was jealous you to your mother. You, as I understand it, have a small age difference. Mother and son lost touch when you were born. All attention to you. From here it went.

It's probably jealousy of your parents, they like you more. Brother is jealous you to your mother. And his jealousy takes terrible forms.

Well, we certainly can't solve your family problems.

There must be some reason. But even if she is very serious (which I doubt very much), then she behaves so horribly towards sister impermissible. Moral freak your brother. Do you have a father? Or your man, but someone has to supply your brother in place.

I love brother sister stories. What a poor - miserable. What if you listen to your brother? Is your little sister white and fluffy? And which of this list of grievances is true?

Restrict communication. Find a telephone helpline on the network. Speak out, maybe they will advise something sensible. Or look for a guy and move in with him.

Do not cry author. I understand you very much. My sister is the same, she hates with all her heart, but when she needed money, she loved me more than anyone else. Because of this, we have not communicated with her for about 10 years. So situations when brother loves sister, and the sister, on the contrary, is also not uncommon.

Commentary - find a man who will put in your place brother, support! Oh, then what a jerk, sister offend! Idiot. Be patient and don’t humiliate yourself in front of him, why such a brother, send a relative through the forest, if the threat is real, file a complaint with the police.

Tell me, please, how can this happen between the most dear people? What could be the reason? I'm going to call my brother. Thank you for not being an idiot.

It so happened that in my life I was more fortunate. Beloved husband, good job and other benefits. My sister married a jerk, divorced, remarried another jerk. Total 2 children, the husband is a half-wit, the eternal lack of money. She believes that life is not fair. But that's my opinion, I don't know why she hates me. Moreover, at one time she turned all relatives against me. But I don’t care anymore, I don’t communicate with anyone except my mother. Brother and sister relationship zero in our family.

I think the boy is unsure of himself, at the expense of you he wants to assert himself in front of his family and friends. Do not react, and, moreover, do not impose yourself and do not do anything that could hurt him. And then life will put everything in its place. Will not take the lesson, will be a poop for life. You won’t re-educate him and won’t break him, you will start to do something, there will be a psychologically negative reaction. The brother will come to everything himself, and sooner or later - it will already be his problem, that so much time in your life Brother lost in the void.

My sister is the same. The main thing is that she remembered me only when she needed money. And she always said, I ask not for myself, but for the children. I dressed my eldest niece for five years, took her to school every year, paid for food. But she, as she celebrated her 16th birthday, decided that it was better for her not to communicate with me. My sister could not call for a year. Honestly, I confess to you that it hurts a lot, so I really understand the author.

What about parents? Everyone in your life does not take part? Like grown up okay? Brother, of course, a noble bastard. While we don't know the full story of your relationship, maybe you're a bitch too. Unreasonable aggression is rare, you need to look for the root of evil, what is the cause of terrible relationship between brother and sister.

Difficult situation. I think you should get married and move in with your husband to live away from brother. If there are no plans for marriage, it’s just worth moving away from him, because this cannot always continue, how long will he humiliate you.

Do not contact him at all, as if he is not there, do not stupidly communicate, ignore and talk, if only in a cold tone. See how he treats you then. If it doesn't matter, the brother is worried.

Rent a house and live separately. What to do now. Brother's relationship with sister no problem, get it out of your life.

Do not communicate with him. It happens that relatives are worse than enemies. You need to love yourself and stop communicating with them.

How I understand you! To hell with him, don't even bother making a relationship! He is just a coward, and is trying to assert himself at your expense.

You are treated the way you allow. Brother, matchmaker, grandfather - it doesn’t matter, even though the Pope of Rome - obediently bathe in slop and wish for a different attitude is nonsense. Sometimes people need to be told their place, everyone gets forgotten sometimes. bad relationship with relatives in 50% of cases the fault of the person himself. Allows himself to be lowered.

Create a situation, like, got into trouble, got lost, got hit by a car, something else to your taste. Suddenly he suffers from garbage, otherwise he will do everything for you. You know, there are such worthless little people, they like to let people, especially relatives, inflict pain. And then again - and they are not insensitive it turns out.

That would be like this brother loaded into a pumpkin. Send to such and such a mother. What can he do? Probably a problem since childhood. Maybe the parents of the older child did not love it. Almost everyone has this.

Don't reach out to him. B R at brother, but you need to stop loving him. From him only the word "brother" remained. There is nothing brotherly anymore.

Maybe he doesn't brother? Or did he want a bicycle, and his parents gave him a sister?

Where are your parents? And yet, perhaps he loves you very much on the contrary, but as a man. And he understands everything, and makes himself hate you. And you should not think about how to build relationships, but talk with brother frankly.

Anything can be here. Most likely, it came from childhood. It turns out that when he was 3 years old, the very age when a person begins to slowly realize himself, you were born. And all the attention is on you, all the toys are on you, and all he has to do is "get away, be patient, don't interfere." And so all my life. Naturally, he blames you for this, and although he has already grown up and understands that this is nonsense, but if this comes from childhood, then it just doesn’t go anywhere. Without a psychologist or psychotherapist you will not understand, most likely.

My sister and I had the same problems, we parted, we don’t see each other, everything is fine. I love her when she is far away from me, now she is pregnant, so I adore her in general. I thought to drive to her for a couple of days - I'm afraid.

I have with brother also had a difficult relationship, he was 2 years younger than me. I couldn’t stand him, because everywhere he was thrust into my burden (“you’re the eldest, look after him”, darkness, as if I had no business of my own). IN adolescence somehow they got into a fight so that for two years, living in the same apartment, they did not talk to each other. Then everything went slowly. Now the relationship is not close, but neutral-friendly.

What are you with brother born, perhaps, from the same dad and crawled out of the same mother, does not make you close people yet. Something else makes people close, and if this is not there, then I don’t know what can be done.

In general, at this age it would be possible not to live with your parents, neither you nor your brother.

me as a child cousin always humiliated. I don't even remember, my mother told me. I always asked everyone - "is it true that I prettier sister? And my hair is better than my sister's, isn't it? And so on "

Stupid sister, of course, you have it worse than yours!

What love? The state offended from childhood remains, and so harshly manifests itself in your present , unconsciously, probably even

So why are you trying to get along with him? Ignore your brother and pay no attention to him. I agree that you need a defender to hit him if Brother suddenly touches you. In general, initially it was not necessary to put yourself in the place of the victim, he feels your weakness and spread rot. If I were you, I would not be able to remain silent, and if I had laid a finger on me, I would have made sure that my brother would regret that he was born with hands at all.

Fight him back once! It will close immediately! Damn it! Oh, and another question, where are your parents? Or do they just not care about you?

It's sad when close relatives hate each other, but the best way out, it seems to me, is to try to move and not chat with brother. I have the same with brother only I'm 3 years older. I reconciled, he does not make contact.

I have with everyone brothers and sisters great relationship! A with brother twins - do not spill water. It's kind of weird for me to read this. Sadly.

I have Brother Yes, 12 years older. We are heaven and earth. Somehow it was normal in childhood, and then he had some kind of dissatisfaction with me and my sister, namely, he was sorry that the money of his parents, it turns out, was going to us. Although only his parents bought him an apartment and a car. And he, poor thing, can't do anything himself. It so happened that I, my sister and parents are still helping him. And we are good for him. I was supposed to help him in the near future with money, but I don’t work anymore and my conscience is tormenting me with a nightmare, how can I say now that I can’t? I think it comes from the family. The parents are to blame.

And why do you, sorry, to establish relationship with brother? I would have given up on such a brother. The fact that you are of the same blood with him does not oblige anyone to anything. You just can't ignore. You react to his bullying, and therefore your brother continues to bully you. Brother offended- good bye!

Dad doesn't want to teach him a little lesson? Or find a man, let him protect you from evil, but in general something is not clean here, all this is from childhood, the parents are to blame. What brother humiliates- This not normal.

Yes, you need to send it to FIG more often.

It is clear that he does not like you, you are the youngest, and the difference between you is small and the most explosive. This is from childhood he probably has, jealousy flowed into hostility. Perhaps your parents paid more attention to you, and he felt that it was your fault that less attention was paid to him. And parents did not think how to improve relations between children.

It's too late to fix his brains. I had an older sister. The infection broke the whole psyche.

She calmed down a little when I grew up, and we fought not for life, but for death. But I haven't talked to her in years. I'm 31, she's 35. She's still throwing mud at me, but behind her back. Who knows what's in her head. Parents treated both equally, I loved her, a fool, and she (it's scary to say) almost tried to kill me. And more than once I flew down the stairs, and on a catamaran I left my five-year-old girl with my girlfriend near the drain. And after all, they really sailed away and went home. Thanks to the rescuers who were on duty on the boat and kept order. Yes, there were a lot. As there, Vysotsky: "thank you for being alive." Such is the family story.

To begin with, stop humiliating yourself in front of brother and be afraid of him. Such a creature will at least start to be afraid of you, and its “claims” will noticeably decrease

Surely such a vital resentment, who believes that his sister was treated better than him. Naturally, minimize relationship with brother necessary, it will not lead to anything good. And, of course, stop kowtowing before him, that turning point will come when you have to give a strong rebuff. I understood so brother hates sister and accumulates strength for a decisive blow.

Forget about building relationships and that's it. If he doesn't need it. Why should building a relationship between you be important to you? Send on figs like this brother and his threats. And most likely, it is his childhood trauma that has flowed into hatred for you. Because, most likely, they paid more attention to you. AND brother attitude will not change for you.

Same story. There were such stupid conflicts between us. And here he died Brother. And I would return everything, and I myself would make some concessions, but it’s too late. Now I have brother's day. For his birthday.

Maybe like in the movies? He fell in love and is angry at everyone for this, he knows that he cannot be with you and takes out his feelings with anger? Brother hurts sister, like a boy offends a girl when he likes her like a woman to a man.

Family tragedies are different. My advice to you - tear relationship with brother until it leads to tragedy.

What do you think of this situation? What is behind brother's hatred for sister? Is it possible to sample them?

You can comment, discuss what you have read on our

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additions from comments:
- (important!) Do not separate children after the birth of the youngest, do not give the elders to kindergarten, nanny, grandmothers. The more time children spend apart, the less opportunity they have to learn peaceful coexistence, to know each other, to tune in.
- put beds next to each other so that they are physically closer friend to friend. If the children do not mind, you can arrange for them to sleep together.
- let the elder be a baby if he wants to (allow him to lie down in a crib, carry him on his arms, wrap him in a diaper, help him get dressed, feed him from a spoon or bottle, etc.).
- give the elder a personal "lyalka" - a doll, so that he can do the same activities with her as a mother with her baby. Sew/buy a doll sling, clothes, donate diapers, diapers, etc.
- arrange joint bathing, felting, sitting on the knees of parents, wearing in a sling / on the hands of two at the same time, if you have enough strength.
- when viewing photos and videos, emphasize the similarity of children and note their individuality at the same age.
- allocate a zone for each child only for his things, do not allow other children to take them without asking the owner.
- take into account the individual interests of each child (do not choose between dancing for the daughter and wrestling for the son, and even more so not to give the daughter to fight for the company).
- organize joint family affairs in isolation from peers (hiking and trips are especially good).
- dressing children is similar, at least in one color scheme or in one identical item (hats, scarves, bags).
- if both go to the same kindergarten, you can ask the teachers to allow them to see each other during the day.
- choose with one child gifts for others, at the same time you can discuss what they are fond of, what they love.
- call on one child to share your admiration for another: - How smart he (she) is with us! (beautiful, kind, quick-witted...); - You have a very caring brother/sister, you are lucky!
- to call one child in the presence of another "our Sasha, our Anechka."
- to teach the elder how he can occupy the younger, so that joint game was productive - give him some kind of toy, teach him simple actions in the general game, distract him. Thus, the younger one will be less tempted to get into the territory of the older one and spoil something for him, causing him discontent.

Twice mothers are women doubly gifted with happiness. They have the opportunity to re-experience all the joys of the birth of a new person, to catch the ray of the first child's smile, to hear it again for the first time. cherished word"Mom", observe the first steps and growing up of the crumbs. But, along with joy, worries are added - with two children there are exactly twice as many of them. The whole family needs to be dressed, fed, taken care of, and, among other things, you have to protect the newborn from an overly enterprising assistant in the face of the older child.

By no means do we want to say that the youngest should be isolated from the firstborn - let the eldest help if he wants. But with a difference of several years, all contacts between your two children require careful parental attention. An overly active little "nanny" can harm a newborn, of course, only with the best of intentions.

Moms get ready: kids do it with younger siblings

1. They feed. And what is this, you ask? Nothing, unless it's about breastfed baby and a bar of chocolate, drying, or a piece of apple. The kid just does not understand that the newborn should only eat mom! He may even be a little offended by his brother / sister, who “lose” so much by eating one breast milk. Your task is to keep a vigilant eye on the eldest and tirelessly explain to him that little children cannot eat “adult” food. During summer walk another danger lies in wait for you: the first-born can feed the baby with a sand cake, and in winter - with "ice cream" from the snow. What to do? Explain and follow, there are no other options.

2. Dress up. A daughter can try to dress up her brother in her dress or turn him into a "cabbage" - baby, he's like a little doll, it's so fun to play dressing up with him! Moreover, we live in an enlightened age of gender equality and the rejection of stereotypes. Accessories can be used - the hairpin clings to three hairs of the little one, and if it doesn’t hold, scotch tape comes to the rescue.

3. Decorate. In continuation of the previous topic - girls can practice makeup on a baby. The tiny body will be used as a testing ground for mom's eye shadow, lipstick, nail polish and more. decorative cosmetics. Felt pens or ordinary gouache are also suitable for such fun as drawing on little brother or sister. For what? Firstly, it's beautiful, and secondly, it's fun, even the "small" one laughs. And you have to wash.

4. They cut their hair. Scissors in the hands of a child are a formidable tool. Cut off sleeves, neatly (and not very) cut holes in tights, bills shredded into a hamster bed, playing hairdresser with dolls ... every parent has encountered something like this. Has the kid slightly "trimmed" the doll's hair? Believe me, this is not a disaster yet. But if he went with scissors towards the crib, the matter may end with a bang cut to the root or even a cut.

5. Give dangerous items. Puzzle, detail from the designer "Lego", small toy and all that the baby will happily pull into his mouth. To your question “why”, the eldest may answer that the baby “asked himself”. I asked with my eyes, yes.

6. Bring to the scream. To provoke a baby to cry is a simple matter. A pinch, a secretly shown evil face or a selected rattle is enough. Why do seniors do this? Sometimes they are driven by banal curiosity, but more often jealousy of their parents. Thus, the first-born wants to prove to you that "bald in diapers" is a wretch and capricious. Not like him, the older one. Perhaps you should reconsider your attitude towards the child, because he really may not get your attention.

7. Dropped. Surely this fear is familiar to many parents with two children. It must be said that it is quite reasonable. Children have little strength, even less accuracy, but a newborn weighs from 2.5 to 4 kilograms at the time of birth and does not always “sit still” in his arms. How to be? Give shake only under the supervision of an adult and while on the bed. Thus, the elder will get the hang of managing the baby, and he will be safe.

8. They scare. Grown-up elders often scare the younger ones with horror stories that they themselves have successfully “outgrown”. In our childhood, it was Babayka or a coffin on wheels. Modern children have other fears and their own monsters, no less creepy. The evil toilet mutant is just waiting to grab a tender baby ass with its tentacles, and then drag the baby into the sewer. And in the whole apartment there are so many corners in which a terrible horror lurks! You can’t complain to your mother, otherwise someone will definitely eat you. And a blanket won't help. As a result, the baby is afraid to get up at night to go to the toilet, endures to the last or asks for accompaniment; afraid to sleep without light and wakes up from nightmares. WITH childhood fears need to fight, for this there are different methods. For example, try to appease the monster under the bed - leave him chocolates. Or get a protector toy.