Janusz Korczak: The right of the child to respect. Korczak I. open window. the child's right to respect. disdain or distrust. the child's right to be himself
Disdain - Distrust
WITH early years we grow in the consciousness that the big is more important than the small.
“I’m big,” the child rejoices when they put it on the table.
“I’m taller than you,” he notes with a sense of pride, measuring himself against a peer.
It is unpleasant to stand on tiptoe and not reach out, it is difficult to keep up with an adult with small steps, a glass slips out of a tiny hand. Awkwardly and with difficulty the child climbs into a chair, into a stroller, onto a ladder; can't get door handle, look out the window, remove or hang something, because it's high. In the crowd they block him, they will not notice him and they will push him. It's uncomfortable, unpleasant to be small.
Respect and admiration is great, something that takes up a lot of space. The little one is everyday, uninteresting. Small people are small and needs, joys and sorrows.
Make an impression - Big city, high mountains, big trees. We are speaking:
Great feat, great man.
And the child is small, light, you do not feel it in your hands. We have to lean towards him, bend down.
And worse, the child is weak.
We can lift him up, throw him up, seat him against his will, we can forcibly stop him on the run, nullify his efforts.
Whenever he disobeys, I have strength in reserve. I say: "Do not leave, do not touch, move, give." And he knows that he must yield; but how many times does he try to disobey before he understands, surrenders, submits!
Who and when, under what exceptional conditions will dare to push, shake, hit an adult? And how ordinary and innocent our slaps, dragging a child by the hand, rude “affectionate” hugs seem to us!
The feeling of weakness causes reverence for strength; everyone, not only an adult, but also a child older, stronger, can express displeasure in a rude form, back up the demand with force, force them to obey: they can offend with impunity.
We teach by our own example to disdain what is weaker. Bad science, grim omen.
The face of the world has changed. It is no longer the strength of the muscles that does the work and defends against the enemy, it is not the strength of the muscles that wrests dominion, prosperity and security from the earth, from the sea and forests. An enslaved slave is a machine! Muscles have lost their exclusive rights and value. The more respect for the mind and knowledge.
A suspicious closet, a modest cell of a thinker has grown into the halls of research institutes. The floors of libraries are growing, the shelves are bent under the weight of books. The shrines of the proud mind filled with people. The man of science creates and commands. Hieroglyphs of numbers and signs again and again bring down new achievements on the crowd, testifying to the power of mankind. All this must be embraced by memory and comprehended.
Prolonged years of hard study, all more schools, exams, printed word. And the child is small, weak, does not live long - he did not read, he does not know ...
A formidable problem is how to divide the conquered spaces, what tasks and rewards to give and to whom, how to master the conquered globe. How many and how to scatter workshops in order to feed the hands and brain that are hungry for work, how to keep the human anthill in obedience and order, how to insure oneself from the evil will and folly of the individual, how to fill the hours of life with action, rest, entertainment, protect from apathy, satiety, boredom . How
unite people in disciplined unions, facilitate mutual understanding; when to separate and divide. Here to urge, encourage, there to restrain, here to inflame the ardor, there
Politicians and legislators act cautiously, and even then they often make mistakes.
And adults consult and decide about the child; but who will ask the naive for his opinion, his consent: what can he say?
In addition to intelligence and knowledge, ingenuity helps in the struggle for existence and for weight in society. A quick man senses a profit and breaks the jackpot; contrary to all calculations, immediately and easily makes money; astounding and envious. You have to know a person thoroughly, and it is no longer the altars, but the stables of life.
And the child minces helplessly with a textbook, a ball and a doll, vaguely feeling that without his participation something important and big is happening somewhere over him, that decides whether he has a share or not, punishes and rewards and crushes.
A flower is a harbinger of a future fetus, a chicken will become a laying hen, a heifer will give milk. And until then - efforts, spending and care - will you save it, will it not let you down?
Everything that grows causes anxiety, because you have to wait a long time; maybe it will be the support of old age, and will reward a hundredfold. But life knows droughts, frosts and hail, which beat and destroy the harvest.
We are waiting for omens, we want to predict, to protect; the anxious expectation of what will be increases the neglect of what is.
The market value of the unripe is low. Only before the law and God is the color of an apple tree worth as much as the fruit, and green shoots - as ripe fields.
We nurture, shield from troubles, feed and train. The child receives everything without worries; what would he be without us, to whom he owes everything?
Exclusively, uniquely and all - we are.
We command and demand obedience.
Morally and legally responsible, knowing and foreseeing, we are the only judges of the actions, mental movements, thoughts and intentions of the child.
We entrust and check the execution of our will and understanding - our children, our property - hands off!
(True, something has changed. Not only the will and exclusive authority of the family is still cautious, but already social control. Slightly, imperceptibly.)
The beggar disposes of alms as he pleases, but the child has nothing of his own, he must account for every gift received for personal use.
It cannot be torn, broken, soiled, it cannot be presented, it cannot be rejected with disdain. The child must accept and be satisfied. Everything at the appointed time and in the appointed place, wisely and according to purpose.
Maybe that's why he so appreciates worthless trifles that cause us surprise and pity: various rubbish - the only truly property and wealth - lace, boxes, beads.
In return for these benefits, the child must yield, deserve good behavior - beg or lure, but just do not demand! Nothing is due to him, we give voluntarily. (There is a sad analogy: a rich man's girlfriend.)
Because of the poverty of the child and the mercy of material dependence, the attitude of adults towards children is immoral.
We neglect the child, because he does not know, does not guess, does not foresee. He does not know the difficulties and complexity of adult life, he does not know where our ups and downs and fatigue come from, what deprives us of peace and spoils our mood; does not know mature defeats and bankruptcies. It is easy to divert the attention of a naive child, to deceive, to hide from him.
He thinks life is simple and easy. There is a father, there is a mother; father earns, mother buys. The child knows neither betrayal of duty, nor the methods of struggle of adults for their own and not their own.
Free from material worries, from temptations and from strong shocks, he cannot even judge them. We unravel it instantly, pierce it through with a careless glance, without preliminary investigation we reveal clumsy tricks.
Or maybe we are deceived, seeing in the child only what we want to see?
Perhaps he is hiding from us, perhaps he is suffering in secret?
We devastate mountains, cut down trees, exterminate wild animals. Where there used to be wilds and swamps, there are more and more numerous villages. We are planting man in new lands.
The world is conquered by us, both the beast and iron serve us; the colored races are enslaved, the relations of nations are outlined, and the masses are appeased. Far from just order, there are more insults and ordeals in the world.
Childish doubts and protests seem frivolous.
Bright childish democracy knows no hierarchy. Before the time the child is saddened by the sweat of a laborer and a hungry coeval, the evil share of Savraska and a slaughtered chicken. A dog and a bird are close to him, his equal is a butterfly and a flower, in a pebble and a shell he sees his brother. Alien to the arrogance of the upstart, the child does not know that only man has a soul.
We neglect the child, because he has many hours of life ahead of him.
We feel the heaviness of our steps, the sluggishness of selfish movements, the stinginess of perceptions and experiences. And the child runs and jumps, looks at anything, is surprised and asks; frivolously sheds tears and generously rejoices.
A fine autumn day is valuable, when the sun is rare, and in spring it is already so green. Enough and somehow, it is not enough for him to be happy, there is no need to try. We hurriedly and casually get rid of the child. We despise the diversity of his life and the joy that is easy to give him.
It is important minutes and years that are escaping from us; he has time to endure, he will still have time, he will wait.
The child is not a soldier, he does not defend his homeland, although he suffers along with it.
Weak, small, poor, dependent - he has yet to be a citizen.
Whether condescending, whether sharp, whether rude, and all - neglect.
Snotlout, still a child - a future person, not today. In fact, he still will be.
Watch, never take your eyes off for a minute. Look after, don't leave alone. Watch, don't step aside.
He falls, hits, cuts, gets dirty, spills, tears, breaks, spoils, puts somewhere, loses, sets fire, lets a thief into the house. Hurt himself, us, cripple himself, us, a playmate.
Oversee - no independent undertakings - the full right of control and criticism.
He does not know how much and what to eat, how much and when to drink, does not know the limits of his strength. Therefore, to stand guard over diet, sleep, rest.
How long? From what time? Always. With age, distrust of the child takes on a different character, but does not decrease, but even increases.
The child does not distinguish between what is important and what is not important. Alien to him order, systematic work. Distracted, he will forget, neglect, miss. He does not know that he will answer for everything with his future.
We must instruct, guide, train, suppress, restrain, correct, warn, prevent, inculcate, overcome.
Overcome whims, whims, stubbornness.
To instill caution, prudence, fears and anxiety, the ability to foresee and even anticipate.
We, experienced ones, know how many dangers, ambushes, traps, fatal accidents and catastrophes are around.
We know that even the greatest caution does not give a complete guarantee - and we are all the more suspicious: in order to have
a clear conscience, and if trouble happened, at least there was nothing to reproach yourself with.
The excitement of pranks is dear to him, it is amazing how he clings precisely to the bad. Willingly listens to bad whispers, follows the worst examples.
It breaks easily, but it's hard to fix.
We wish him well, we want to make it easier; we give all our experience without a trace: just reach out your hand - it's ready! We know what is harmful to children, we remember what harmed us ourselves, even if he avoids this, does not know, does not experience.
"Remember, know, understand."
"You will see for yourself, you will see for yourself."
Not listening! As if on purpose, as if out of spite.
You have to make sure that you obey, you have to make sure that you do. He himself clearly strives for everything bad, chooses the worst, dangerous path.
How can one endure senseless pranks, ridiculous antics, inexplicable outbursts?
The primary creature looks suspicious. It seems submissive and innocent, but in essence it is cunning and insidious.
Knows how to elude control, lull vigilance, deceive. He always has an excuse ready, a subterfuge, he will hide, or even lie at all.
Unreliable, calling different kind doubts.
Contempt and distrust, suspicion and the desire to accuse.
A sad analogy: a brawler, a drunken, rebellious, crazy person. How about together, under one roof?
dislike
It's nothing. We love children. Despite everything, they are our delight, cheerfulness, hope, joy, rest, the light of life. We do not frighten, we do not burden, we do not torment; kids are free and happy...
But why are they like a burden, a hindrance, an inconvenient appendage? Where does the dislike for a beloved child come from?
Before he could welcome this inhospitable world, confusion and restrictions had already crept into the life of the family. Gone are the irretrievably short months of long-awaited legitimate joy.
A long period of clumsy malaise is completed by illness and pain, restless nights and additional costs. Peace has been lost, order has disappeared, the balance of the budget has been disturbed.
Together with the sour smell of diapers and the shrill cry of a newborn, the chain of marital bondage rattled.
It’s hard when you can’t agree and you have to think and guess.
But we are waiting, perhaps even patiently.
And when he finally begins to walk and talk, he gets underfoot, grabs everything, climbs into all the cracks, thoroughly interferes and brings disorder - a little sloven and a despot.
It causes damage, opposes itself to our reasonable will. Demands and understands only what his darling wants.
Little things should not be neglected: resentment towards children consists of getting up early, and a crumpled newspaper, stains on dresses and wallpaper, a soaked carpet, broken glasses and a souvenir vase, spilled milk and perfume, and a doctor's fee.
Sleeps not when we want, eats not the way we want; we thought he would laugh, but he was frightened and crying. How fragile! Any oversight threatens with illness, promising new difficulties.
If one of the parents forgives, the other - - in defiance of that - does not let down and find fault; in addition to the mother, the father, the nanny, the servant and the neighbor have their own opinion about the child; and in defiance of the mother or secretly punish the child.
The little intriguer is the cause of friction and disagreement between adults; there is always someone dissatisfied and offended. For the indulgence of one child is responsible to another. Often, simple negligence is hidden behind imaginary kindness, the child becomes the defendant for other people's faults.
(Girls and boys do not like to be called: children. A common name with the smallest makes you answer for the long past, share the bad reputation of kids, listen to numerous reproaches that no longer apply to them, the elders.)
How seldom is a child the way we want, how often his growth is accompanied by a feeling of disappointment!
Seems like it should have...
In return for what we give him voluntarily, he is obliged to try and reward, he is obliged to understand, agree and be able to refuse; and above all, to be grateful. Both responsibilities and requirements grow over the years, but most often they are fulfilled less and differently than we would like.
Part of the time spent on education, rights, wishes, we transfer to the school. Vigilance doubles, responsibility rises, clashes of conflicting powers arise. Deficiencies are found.
Parents will graciously forgive the child: their indulgence follows from a clear consciousness of guilt that they gave him life, harmed him, crippled him. Sometimes a mother looks for a weapon in the imaginary illness of a child against other people's accusations and her own doubts.
A teacher in a private home rarely finds favorable conditions for working with children.
Bound by distrustful control, he is forced to maneuver between other people's pointers and his own convictions, a demand coming from outside and his own peace and comfort. Responsible for the child entrusted to him, he suffers the consequences of dubious decisions of legal guardians and employers.
Forced to hide and circumvent difficulties, the educator can easily become demoralized, get used to duplicity - become embittered and lazy.
As the years go by, the distance between what the adult wants and what the child strives for increases: the knowledge of impure ways of enslavement grows.
There are complaints about thankless work: if God wants to punish someone, then he makes him an educator.
Children, lively, noisy, interested in life and its mysteries, tire us; their questions and surprise, discoveries and attempts - often with unsuccessful results - torment. Less often we are advisers, comforters, more often we are harsh judges. Immediate Judgment and Punishment produce the same result: manifestations of boredom and rebellion will be less frequent, but stronger and more stubborn. Therefore, strengthen supervision, overcome resistance, insure yourself against surprises.
So the teacher rolls on an inclined plane: neglects, distrusts, suspects, monitors, catches, scolds, blames and punishes, looks for acceptable ways to prevent a recurrence;
increasingly forbids and more mercilessly compels, does not want to see the efforts of the child to write a better page or fill an hour of life; dryly states: bad.
The azure of forgiveness is rare, the crimson of anger and indignation are frequent.
How much more understanding requires the education of a group of children, how much easier it is to fall into the error of accusations and insults!
One small, weak, and then tires, single misconduct and then angry; but how annoying, intrusive and inscrutable in their reactions is the crowd!
Understand, finally: not children, but the crowd. The mass, the gang, the pack are not children.
You have become accustomed to the idea that you are strong, and suddenly you feel small and weak. The crowd, this giant with a large total weight and the sum of vast experience, now rallies in a solidary rebuff, then breaks up into dozens of pairs of legs and arms - heads, each of which harbors different thoughts and innermost desires.
How difficult it is for a new educator in a classroom or in a boarding school, where children who were kept in strict obedience, insolent and devastated, organized themselves on the basis of gang violence! How strong and formidable they are, when with their combined efforts they hit your will, wanting to break through the dam - not children, the elements!
How many of them, hidden revolutions, about which the educator is silent; he is ashamed to admit that he is weaker than a child.
Once taught, the educator will seize on any means to suppress, conquer. No familiarity
innocent jokes; no grumblings in response, shuddering shoulders, gestures of annoyance, stubborn silence, angry glances! Uproot, vengefully burn out neglect and malicious obstinacy! He will bribe the leaders with special rights, select henchmen for himself, will not take care of the fairness of punishments, they would be severe - as a warning, in order to extinguish the first spark of rebellion in time, so that the heroic crowd would not even mentally dare to roam or make demands.
The weakness of a child can awaken tenderness, the strength of a mass of children revolts and offends.
There is a false charge that friendly treatment will make guys impudent, and the answer to kindness will be indiscipline and disorder.
But let us not call carelessness, incompetence and helpless stupidity kindness. In addition to swindling grabbers and misanthropes, among the educators there are worthless people who could not hold on to any job, incapable of any responsible post.
It happens that a teacher flirts with children, wants to quickly, cheaply, easily sneak into trust. Wants to frolic if good mood rather than painstakingly organize the life of the team. Sometimes these lordly indulgences are interspersed with bouts of bad mood. Such a teacher makes himself a laughing stock in the eyes of the children.
It happens that it seems to an ambitious person that it is easy to remake a person, persuading and gently instructing: one has only to touch and lure out a promise to improve. Such a teacher is annoying and annoying.
Sometimes, for show - friends, in words - allies, in fact - the most insidious enemies and offenders. These teachers are disgusting.
The answer to bullying will be neglect, to friendliness - hostility, rebellion, to distrust - conspiracy.
Years of work more and more clearly confirmed that children deserve respect, trust and friendship, that we are pleased to be with them in this clear atmosphere of affectionate sensations, cheerful laughter, first vigorous efforts and surprises, pure, bright and sweet joys, that this work is alive, fruitful and beautiful.
There was only one doubt and concern.
Why sometimes the most reliable - and let you down? Why - though rare, but there are - sudden outbursts of mass indiscipline of the entire group? Maybe adults are no better, only more solid, reliable, more calmly you can rely on them?
I searched hard and gradually found the answer.
1. If the educator is looking for traits of character and dignity in children that seem to him especially valuable, if he wants to make everyone in the same way, to captivate everyone in the same direction, he will be misled: some will fake his requirements, others will sincerely succumb to suggestion - for the time being before time. And when the real appearance of the child is revealed, not only the educator, but also the child will painfully feel his defeat. The greater the effort to disguise or influence, the more violent the reaction; the child, revealed in his most authentic tendencies, has nothing to lose. What an important morality follows from this!
2. The educator has one measure of evaluation, the children have another: both he and they see spiritual wealth; he is waiting for this spiritual wealth to develop, and they are waiting for what benefit they will have from these wealth already now: will the child share what he owns, or will he consider himself entitled not to give - a proud, envious egoist, miser! He won’t tell fairy tales, he won’t play, he won’t draw, he won’t help and he won’t serve - “as if he is doing a favor”, “you need to beg”. Once in isolation, the child with a grand gesture wants to buy favor from his childish society, which joyfully welcomes the change. He did not suddenly deteriorate, but, on the contrary, he understood and corrected himself.
3. Everyone let down, offended everyone in a crowd.
I found an explanation in a book on animal training - and I do not hide the source. The lion is not dangerous when he is angry, but when he plays out, he wants to play pranks; and the crowd is strong as a lion...
The solution must be sought not so much in psychology as - and this is more often - in medicine, sociology, ethnology, history, poetry, criminalistics, in a prayer book and in a training manual. Ars longa *.
4. The turn of the sunniest (oh, at least not the last!) explanation has come. The oxygen of the air can intoxicate a child, like vodka can intoxicate an adult. Excitation, inhibition of control centers, excitement, eclipse; as a reaction - embarrassment, an unpleasant aftertaste - heartburn, consciousness of guilt. My observation is clinically accurate. And the most respectable citizens may have a weak head.
Do not blame: this clear intoxication of children causes a feeling of touching and respect, does not alienate and divide, but brings together and makes allies.
We hide our shortcomings and deeds that deserve punishment. Criticize and notice our funny features, bad habits, funny hand children are not allowed. We build ourselves to perfection. Under the threat of the highest offense, we protect the secrets of the ruling class, the caste of the chosen ones - those who are attached to the highest sacraments. Only a child can be bared shamelessly and put in the pillory.
We play marked cards with children; We beat the weaknesses of childhood with the aces of the virtues of adults. Cheers, we juggle the cards in such a way that the worst in children is countered by what is good and valuable in us.
Where are our couch potatoes and frivolous gourmet gourmets, fools, lazybones, loafers, adventurers, unscrupulous people, rogues, drunkards and thieves? Where are our violence and open and secret crimes? How many squabbles, cunning, envy, slander, blackmail, words that cripple, deeds that disgrace! How many quiet family tragedies from which children suffer, the first martyrs - victims!
But adult society is carefully sifted and strained. How many human scum and filth have been carried away by gutters, absorbed by graves, prisons and lunatic asylums!
We command to respect elders, experienced ones, without reasoning; and the guys also have bosses closer to them - teenagers, with their obsessive persuasion and pressure.
Criminal and unbalanced guys wander without a guard and shove, push and offend, infect. And all children are jointly and severally responsible for them (after all, we, adults, sometimes get a little bit from them).
These few revolt public opinion, standing out as bright spots on the surface of a child's life; it is they who dictate to the routine its methods: to keep the children in obedience, although it oppresses, with an iron fist, although it hurts, to be harsh, which means rude.
We don't let kids get organized; neglecting, distrusting, disliking, we do not care about them; without the participation of experts we can not cope; and experts are children themselves.
Are we really so uncritical that the caresses with which we pursue children express our disposition? Don't we understand that, caressing a child, it is we who accept his caress, helplessly hide in his arms, seek protection and refuge in the hours of homeless pain, ownerless abandonment - we place the burden of suffering and sorrow on him?
Any other caress - not an escape to the child and not a plea for hope - is a criminal search and the awakening of sensual sensations in him.
“I hug because I'm sad. Kiss, then ladies.
Selfishness, not disposition.
The right to respect
There are, as it were, two lives: one is important and respectable, and the other is condescendingly allowed by us, less valuable. We say: future man, future worker, future citizen. That they will only be, that then they will start for real, that it is only in the future that it will be serious. In the meantime, we graciously allow them to get under our feet, but it is more convenient for us without them.
No! There were children and there will be children. The kids didn't take us by surprise, not for long. Children are not a casually met acquaintance, whom you can hastily get around, escaping with a smile and a bow.
Children make up a large percentage of humanity, population, nation, residents, fellow citizens - they are ours faithful friends. There are, were and will be.
Does life exist as a joke? No, childhood- long, important years In human life.
cruel laws Ancient Greece and Rima are allowed to kill the child. In the Middle Ages, fishermen fished the bodies of drowned babies from the rivers with a net. In the 17th century in Paris, older children are sold to beggars, and babies are sold at the cathedral Notre Dame of Paris give away as a gift. This is very recent! And to this day, the child is abandoned when he is a hindrance.
The number of illegitimate, abandoned, homeless, exploited, corrupted, tortured children is growing. The law protects them, but is it enough? Much has changed in the world; old laws require revision.
We got rich. We are already enjoying the fruits of more than just our own labour. We are heirs, shareholders, co-owners of a huge fortune. How many cities, buildings, factories, mines, hotels, theaters we have! How many goods are in the markets, how many ships transport them. Consumers swoop in and ask to sell.
Let's draw a balance, how much of the total amount is due to the child, how much falls to his share, not out of mercy, not as alms. Let us examine honestly how much we allocate for the use of a childish people, a small nation, a enslaved class. What is the inheritance and what should be the division; Haven't we, dishonest guardians, deprived the children of their rightful share - haven't we expropriated them?
Cramped for children, stuffy, boring, they have a poor, harsh life.
We introduced universal education, forced mental work; there is a record and school recruitment. We have charged the child with the task of reconciling the opposing interests of two parallel authorities.
The school demands, but parents are reluctant to give. Conflicts between family and school fall heavily on the child. Parents agree with the not always fair accusations of the child by the school in order to save themselves from the guardianship imposed by it on him.
Soldiers' training is also only a preparation for the day when a soldier is called to a feat; but the state of the soldier provides everything. The state gives him a roof over his head and food; uniform, carbine and allowance are his right, not alms.
And the child, subject to compulsory general education, must beg from the parents or the community.
The Geneva legislators confused duties and rights; the tone of the declaration is not a demand, but an exhortation: an appeal to good will, a request for favor.
The school creates the rhythm of hours, days and years. School workers must meet today's needs of young citizens. A child is a rational being, he is well aware of the needs, difficulties and obstacles of his life. Not despotic orders, not imposed discipline, not distrustful control, but tactful agreement, faith in experience, cooperation and living together!
The child is not stupid; there are no more fools among them than among adults. Clothed in the purple robe of years, how often do we impose meaningless, uncritical, impracticable prescriptions! Sometimes a reasonable child stops in amazement before the aggression of caustic gray-haired stupidity.
The child has a future, but there is also a past: memorable events, memories and many hours of the most authentic solitary reflections. Just like us - not otherwise - he remembers and forgets, appreciates and underestimates, logically argues and makes mistakes if he does not know. Carefully believes and doubts.
The child is a foreigner, he does not understand the language, does not know the direction of the streets, does not know the laws and customs. Sometimes he prefers to look around himself; difficult - ask for guidance and advice. Need a guide who will politely answer questions.
Respect his ignorance!
An evil person, a swindler, a scoundrel will take advantage of the ignorance of a foreigner and answer unintelligibly, deliberately misleading. The brute grumbles under his breath. No, we do not kindly inform, but squabble and bark with children - we scold, reprimand, punish.
How deplorably miserable would be the knowledge of a child if he did not acquire it from his peers, if he did not overhear it, if he did not steal it from the words and conversations of adults.
Respect the work of knowledge!
Respect failures and tears!
Not only a torn stocking, but also a scratched knee, not only a broken glass, but also a cut finger, a bruise, a bump - which means pain.
A blot in a notebook is an accident, a nuisance, a failure.
“When dad spills tea, mommy says: “Nothing,” but I always get it.”
Unaccustomed to pain, resentment, injustice, children suffer deeply and therefore cry more often, but even the tears of a child cause joking remarks, seem less important, angry.
"Look, squealed, roars, whines, nurses dismissed."
(A bunch of words from an adult dictionary, invented for children's use.)
Tears of stubbornness and caprice are tears of impotence and rebellion, a desperate attempt to protest, a call for help, a complaint about the negligence of guardianship, evidence that children are unreasonably constrained and forced, a manifestation of poor health and always suffering.
Respect the child's property and budget. The child shares the material concerns of the family with adults, painfully feels shortages, compares his poverty with the well-being of a fellow student, worries about the unfortunate pennies on which he ruins the family. He doesn't want to be a burden.
But what to do when you need a hat, a book, and a movie; a notebook, if it was written out, and a pencil, if it was taken or lost; But I would like to give something to remember close friend, and buy a cake, and lend it to a fellow practitioner. So many essential needs, desires and temptations - and no!
Isn't it a crying fact that it is theft cases that predominate in juvenile courts? Underestimation of the child's budget is revenge for itself - and punishment will not help. The child's property is not rubbish, but miserable material and tools, hopes and memories.
Not imaginary, but genuine today's worries and anxieties, bitterness and disappointments young years.
The child is growing. Life is more intense, breathing is more frequent, the pulse is more alive, the child builds himself - more and more of him; grows deeper into life. It grows day and night, both when it sleeps and when it is awake, and when it is cheerful and when it is sad, when it is naughty and when it stands before you and repents.
There are springs of redoubled labor of development and lulls in autumn. Here the skeleton grows, and the heart does not keep up; sometimes a deficiency, sometimes an excess; a different chemistry of dying and developing glands, other surprises and anxiety.
Then he needs to run - the way he breathes - fight, lift weights, get; then lie low, dream, indulge in sad memories. Alternately hardening, then a thirst for peace, warmth and convenience. Either a strong desire to act, or apathy.
Fatigue, malaise (pain, cold), hot, cold, drowsiness, hunger, thirst, lack of something or excess, feeling unwell - all this is not a whim and not a school excuse.
Respect the mysteries and deviations of the hard work of growth!
Respect the current hour and today! How will a child be able to live tomorrow if we do not let him live a conscious, responsible life today?
Do not trample, do not push around, do not give into slavery tomorrow, do not cool, do not rush and do not drive.
Respect every single minute, for it will die and never be repeated, and this is always serious; wounded - will begin to bleed, killed - to disturb the ghost of bad memories.
Let the children revel in the joy of the morning and believe. This is exactly what the child wants. He does not feel sorry for the time for a fairy tale, for a conversation with a dog, for a ball game, for a detailed examination of a picture, for redrawing a letter, and all this is loving. He is right.
We are naively afraid of death, not realizing that life is a round dance of dying and reborn moments. A year is just an attempt to understand eternity in an everyday way. Peace lasts as long as a smile or a sigh. A mother wants to raise a child. Don't wait! Again and again another woman meets and sees off another man.
We clumsily divide years into more mature and less mature; but there is no immature today, there is no age hierarchy, no lower and higher ranks of pain and joy, hope and disappointment.
Whether I'm playing or talking to a child, two equally mature minutes of my and his life are intertwined; and in a crowd of children I always for a moment meet and follow with my eyes
and the smile of a child. Do I get angry, we are together again - only my evil vindictive moment violates his important and mature moment of life.
Renounce in the name of tomorrow? Why is it so alluring? We always paint it with too bright colors. The prediction comes true: the roof is falling down, because the foundation of the building has not been given due attention.
The child's right to be what he is
- What will become of him, who will grow up? we ask ourselves with concern.
We want our children to be better than us. We are dreaming of a perfect man of the future.
We must vigilantly catch ourselves in a lie, stigmatizing egoism dressed in beautiful words. As if self-denial, but in essence - a gross fraud.
We explained ourselves and reconciled, forgave ourselves and freed ourselves from the obligation to correct ourselves. We were brought up badly. But it's too late! Vices and shortcomings have already taken root. We do not allow children to criticize us and do not control ourselves.
They let go of their sins and refused to fight with themselves, putting this burden on their children.
The educator hastily masters the special rights of adults: to look not for themselves, but for the children, to register not their own, but children's guilt.
And the guilt of a child is everything that aims at our peace, at pride and convenience, restores against oneself and gets angry, beats habits, absorbs time and thoughts. We do not recognize omissions without ill will.
The child does not know, did not hear, did not understand, listened, made a mistake, failed, cannot - all this is his fault. Bad luck or bad health, every difficulty is guilt and ill will.
Not fast enough or too fast and therefore not properly done work - fault: negligence, laziness, absent-mindedness, unwillingness to work.
Failure to comply with an offensive and impossible requirement is guilt. And our hasty evil suspicion is also his fault. The fault of the child is our fears and suspicions, and even his efforts to improve.
"You see, when you want, you can."
We will always find something to reproach, and greedily demand more and more.
Do we give in tactfully, avoid unnecessary friction, make it easy life together? Aren't we ourselves stubborn, fastidious, cocky and capricious?
The child attracts our attention when it disturbs and disturbs; we notice and remember only these moments. And we do not see when he is calm, serious, concentrated. We underestimate the sinless minutes of a special conversation, with the world, with God. The child is forced to hide his anguish and inner impulses from ridicule and harsh remarks; hides the desire to explain himself, and does not express the decision to improve.
It does not cast a penetrating glance, it harbors surprise, anxiety, grief, anger, rebellion. We want him to jump up and down and clap his hands - he shows the grinning face of the jester.
Loudly talk about themselves bad deeds and bad kids, drowning out the whisper of good, but good is a thousand times more than evil. Goodness is strong and indestructible. It is not true that it is easier to spoil than to fix.
We train our attention and ingenuity in looking for evil, in investigating, in sniffing out, in stalking, in stalking, in catching red-handed, in bad foresights, and in offensive suspicions.
(Do we keep an eye on old people so that they don’t play football? What an abomination - stubbornly hunting down masturbation in children.)
One of the boys slammed the door, one bed was badly made, one coat was gone, one blot in a notebook. If we do not scold, then, in any case, we grumble, instead of rejoicing that there is only one, one, one.
We hear complaints and disputes, but how much more forgiveness, concessions, help, care, services, lessons, deep and beautiful influences! Even bullies and mean-spirits not only make them shed tears, but also smiles.
Lazy, we want no one and never to out of ten thousand seconds school day(count) there was not a single difficult one.
Why is a child bad for one teacher and good for another? We demand a standard of virtue and conduct, and moreover, according to our own discretion and pattern.
Can you find an example of such tyranny in history? The generation of Nero * has bred.
In addition to health, there are also ailments, in addition to virtues and positive qualities—. shortcomings and vices.
In addition to a small number of children growing up in an atmosphere of fun and festivities, for whom life is a fairy tale and a majestic legend, trusting and good-natured, there is the bulk of children for whom the world harshly and without embellishment speaks harsh truths from a young age.
Corrupted by the contemptuous pushing around of uncivilizedness and poverty, or by the sensually affectionate disdain for satiety and polish...
Dirty, distrustful, turned against people, not bad.
For a child, an example is not only a house, but also a corridor, a yard, a street. The child speaks the language of others - expresses their views, repeats their gestures, imitates their actions. We don't know a pure child - everyone is polluted in one way or another.
Oh, how quickly it is released and cleansed! This is not treated, it is washed away; the child is glad that he has found himself, and willingly helps. He yearns for a bath and smiles at you and himself.
Such naive triumphs from the story of orphans are achieved by every educator; these cases confuse uncritically thinking moralists, which, they say, is easy. The hack is happy, the ambitious takes credit for himself, and the despot is angry that this does not always work out; some want to achieve similar results everywhere, increasing the dose of persuasion, others - pressure.
In addition to only contaminated children, they also meet with bruises and wounds; stab wounds do not leave scars and heal themselves under a clean dressing; for lacerations to heal, you have to wait longer, painful scars remain; they cannot be hit. Scabs and ulcers require more diligence and patience.
They say: the body heals; I would like to add: and the soul.
How many minor abrasions and infections at the school and boarding school, how many temptations and persistent whispers; but how fleeting and innocent their action is! Let's not be afraid of terrible epidemics where the atmosphere of the boarding school is healthy, where there is a lot of oxygen and light.
How wise, gradual, and wonderful the process of recovery! How many important secrets are in the blood, juices, tissues! How each disturbed function and affected organ tries to restore balance and cope with its task! How many miracles in the growth of a plant and a person - in the heart, in the brain, in the breath! The smallest excitement or tension - and the heart flutters more strongly, the pulse is already faster.
Just as strong and persistent is the spirit of a child. There is moral stability and a sensitive conscience. It is not true that children are easily infected.
And it's true, unfortunately, pedology has found its way into school programs too late. One cannot be imbued with respect for the mystery of correction without understanding the harmony of the body.
A hacky diagnosis lumps into one heap children mobile, conceited, with a critical direction of mind, all "uncomfortable", but healthy and clean - along with offended, inflated, distrustful - polluted, sophisticated, frivolous, obediently following bad examples. An immature, careless, superficial glance mixes them up, confuses them with the rarely seen criminal, burdened with bad inclinations, children.
(We, adults, not only managed to neutralize the stepchildren of fate, but also skillfully use the work of the outcasts.)
Forced to live with them, healthy children suffer doubly: they are offended and drawn into crimes.
Well, what about us? Do we lightly accuse all the guys indiscriminately, do we impose joint and several liability?
"That's what they are, that's what they can do."
Perhaps the worst injustice.
Offspring of drunkenness, violence and frenzy. Misdemeanors are not an echo of an external, but an internal punishment. Black minutes when the child realized that he was different, that there was nothing to be done,
he is a cripple and will be anathematized and hounded. The first solution is to fight the force that dictates evil deeds to him. What was given to others for free is so easy that in others a trifle and everyday life - serene days of peace of mind - he receives as a reward for a bloody duel with himself. He is looking for help and, if he trusts, he clings to you, asks, demands: “Save me!” He found out about the secret and yearns to correct himself once and for all, at once, with one effort.
Instead of prudently restraining a frivolous impulse, postponing the decision to improve, we clumsily encourage and accelerate. The child wants to free himself, and we try to catch in the net; he wants to break free, and we are preparing insidious snares. Children crave openly and directly, and we teach only to hide. Children give us a day, whole, long and flawless, and we reject it for one bad moment. Is it worth it?
The child urinated under himself every day, now less often, it was better, worsening again - it doesn’t matter! Longer breaks between seizures in epileptics. He coughs less often, the temperature of a patient with tuberculosis subsided. Still not better, but not worse. And this doctor puts in plus treatment. You can't lure or force anything here.
Desperate, full of rebellion and contempt for the submissive, flattering brotherhood of virtue, the children stand in front of the educator, retaining, perhaps, the only and last shrine - dislike for hypocrisy. And we want to knock down and slash this shrine! We are committing a bloody crime, inflicting cold and torture on the children, and brutally suppressing not the rebellion itself, but its nakedness, lightly inflaming hatred for treachery and hypocrisy.
Children do not abandon the plan of revenge, but postpone, waiting for an opportunity. And if they believe in goodness, they will hide this longing for goodness in the depths of their souls.
Why did you give birth to me? Who asked you for this dog life?
I turn to the disclosure of the most secret secrets, to the most difficult explanation. For violations and omissions, patient and friendly indulgence is sufficient; criminal children need love. Their angry rebellion is just. One must understand with one's heart their resentment for smooth virtue and make an alliance with a lonely branded offense. When, if not now, give him a flower of a smile?
In correctional houses there is still the Inquisition, the torture of medieval punishments, the solidarity and vindictiveness of legalized persecution. Can't you see that the most good guys sorry for these very bad ones: what are they to blame for?
The recently humble physician obediently served sweet syrups and bitter mixtures to the sick; bound feverish patients, bled and starved in the gloomy vestibules of the cemetery. Indifferent to the poor, catered to the wealthy.
But here he began to demand - and received.
The doctor* won space and the sun for the children, just as, to our shame, the general* gave the child movement, fun adventure, the joy of comradely service, the mandate to live honestly in campfire conversations under a star-studded sky.
What is the role of our educators? What is their area of work?
Guardian of walls and furniture, silence in the yard, cleanliness of ears and floor; a shepherd who makes sure that the cattle do not climb into the grass, do not interfere with the work and fun of adults; the keeper torn pants and shoes and a miserly porridge distributor. The guardian of adult privileges and the lazy performer of their amateurish whims.
A stall of fears and warnings, a stall of moral junk, a take-out sale of denatured* knowledge that is daunting, confusing, and lulling instead of awakening, enlivening, and delighting. Agents of cheap virtue, we must impose reverence and obedience on children and help adults to feel and feel good. For miserable pennies to create a solid future, to deceive and conceal that children are mass, will, strength and right.
The doctor pulled the child out of the mouth of death, the task of the educators is to give him life, to win for him the right to be a child.
The researchers decided that a mature person is guided by serious motives, a child is impulsive; adult -. logical, the child is at the mercy of the whim of the imagination; an adult has a character and a certain moral character, a child is entangled in a chaos of instincts and desires. The child is studied not as different, but as inferior,
weaker and poorer mental organization. As if all adults are scientists-professors.
And an adult is a solid vinaigrette, a backwater of views and beliefs, the psychology of the herd, superstition and habits, the frivolous actions of fathers and mothers, adulthood completely, from beginning to end, irresponsible! Carelessness, laziness, stupid stubbornness, thoughtlessness, absurdities, madness and drunken antics of adults ...
And childish seriousness, prudence and balance, solid obligations, experience in their field, capital of correct judgments and assessments, full tact moderation of demands, subtlety of feelings, an unmistakable sense of justice.
Can each of us beat a child at chess?
Let's demand respect clear eyes, smooth skin, youthful effort and gullibility. What is more respectable than a faded look, a forehead covered with wrinkles, hard gray hairs and bent humility to fate?
Sunrise and sunset. Morning and evening prayer. And inhale, and exhale, and contraction, and relaxation of the heart.
A soldier is all a soldier - both when he goes into battle, and when he returns, covered with dust.
A new generation is rising, uplifting new wave. They come with both disadvantages and advantages; give the conditions for children to grow up better! We cannot win a lawsuit with the coffin of unhealthy heredity, because we will not tell the cornflowers to become bread.
We are not magicians - and do not want to be charlatans. We renounce the hypocritical longing for perfect children.
We demand: eliminate hunger, cold, dampness, stuffiness, tightness, overpopulation!
It is you who breed sick and crippled, you create the conditions for rebellion and infection: your frivolity and lack of consent.
Attention: modern life forms a brute predator, homo rapax *: it is he who dictates the methods of action. Lies are his concessions to the weak, falsehood is honor to the elder, the equality of women and love for the child. The homeless Cinderella wanders around the wide world - a feeling. But it is children who are the princes of feelings, poets and thinkers.
Respect, if not revere, pure, clear, undefiled holy childhood!
1. Don't expect your child to be like you or the way you want. Help him become not you, but himself.
2. Do not ask your child to pay for everything you have done for him. You gave him life, how can he thank you? He will give life to another, that to a third, and this is an irreversible law of gratitude.
3. Do not take out your grievances on the child, so that in old age you do not eat bitter bread. For what you sow, that will come up.
4. Don't look down on his problems. Life is given to everyone according to their strength and, be sure, it is no less difficult for him than for you, and maybe more, because he has no experience.
5. Do not humiliate!
6. Do not forget that the most important meetings of a person are his meetings with children. Pay more attention to them - we can never know who we meet in a child.
7. Don't beat yourself up if you can't do something for your child. Torture if you can - but you don't. Remember, not enough is done for a child if everything is not done.
8. A child is not a tyrant who takes over your whole life, not only the fruit of flesh and blood. This is the precious cup that Life has given you for keeping and developing the creative fire in it. This liberated love of mother and father, in whom not "our", "our" child will grow, but a soul given for safekeeping.
From an early age, we grow in the consciousness that the big is more important than the small.
I'm big, - the child rejoices when they put it on the table.
I'm taller than you, - he notes with a sense of pride, measured with a peer.
It is unpleasant to stand on tiptoe and not reach out, it is difficult to keep up with an adult with small steps, a glass slips out of a tiny hand. Awkwardly and with difficulty the child climbs into a chair, into a stroller, onto a ladder; cannot reach the doorknob, look out the window, remove or hang anything because it is too high. In the crowd they block him, they will not notice him and they will push him. It's uncomfortable, unpleasant to be small.
Respect and admiration is great, something that takes up a lot of space. The little one is everyday, uninteresting. Small people - small and needs, joys and sorrows.
They make an impression - a big city, high mountains, big trees. We are speaking:
Great feat, great man.
And the child is small, light, you do not feel it in your hands. We have to lean towards him, bend down.
And worse, the child is weak.
We can lift him up, throw him up, seat him against his will, we can forcibly stop him on the run, nullify his efforts.
Whenever he disobeys, I have strength in reserve. I say: "Do not leave, do not touch, move, give." And he knows that he must yield; but how many times does he try to disobey before he understands, surrenders, submits!
Who and when, under what exceptional conditions will dare to push, shake, hit an adult? And how ordinary and innocent our slaps, dragging a child by the hand, rude “affectionate” hugs seem to us!
The feeling of weakness causes reverence for strength; everyone, not only an adult, but also a child older, stronger, can express displeasure in a rude form, back up the demand with force, force them to obey: they can offend with impunity.
We teach by our own example to disdain what is weaker. Bad science, grim omen.
The face of the world has changed. It is no longer the strength of the muscles that does the work and defends against the enemy, it is not the strength of the muscles that wrests dominion, prosperity and security from the earth, from the sea and forests. The enslaved slave is a machine! Muscles have lost their exclusive rights and value. The more respect for the mind and knowledge.
A suspicious closet, a modest cell of a thinker has grown into the halls of research institutes. The floors of libraries are growing, the shelves are bent under the weight of books. The shrines of the proud mind filled with people. The man of science creates and commands. Hieroglyphs of numbers and signs again and again bring down new achievements on the crowd, testifying to the power of mankind. All this must be embraced by memory and comprehended.
Years of hard study are being extended, more and more schools, exams, and the printed word. And the child is small, weak, does not live long - he did not read, he does not know ...
A formidable problem is how to divide the conquered spaces, what and to whom to give tasks and rewards, how to master the conquered globe. How many and how to scatter workshops in order to feed the hands and brain that are hungry for work, how to keep the human anthill in obedience and order, how to insure oneself from the evil will and folly of the individual, how to fill the hours of life with action, rest, entertainment, protect from apathy, satiety, boredom . How
unite people in disciplined unions, facilitate mutual understanding; when to separate and divide. Here to urge, encourage, there to restrain, here to inflame the ardor, there to extinguish.
Politicians and legislators act cautiously, and even then they often make mistakes.
And adults consult and decide about the child; but who will ask the naive for his opinion, his consent: what can he say?
In addition to intelligence and knowledge, ingenuity helps in the struggle for existence and for weight in society. A quick man senses a profit and breaks the jackpot; contrary to all calculations, immediately and easily makes money; astounding and envious. You have to know a person thoroughly, and they are no longer altars, but the stables of life.
And the child minces helplessly with a textbook, a ball and a doll, vaguely feeling that without his participation something important and big is happening somewhere over him, that decides whether he has a share or not, punishes and rewards and crushes.
A flower is a harbinger of a future fetus, a chicken will become a laying hen, a heifer will give milk. And until then - efforts, spending and care - will you save it, will it not let you down?
Everything that grows causes anxiety, because you have to wait a long time; maybe it will be the support of old age, and will reward a hundredfold. But life knows droughts, frosts and hail, which beat and destroy the harvest.
We are waiting for omens, we want to predict, to protect; the anxious expectation of what will be increases the neglect of what is.
The market value of the unripe is low. Only before the law and God is the color of an apple tree worth as much as the fruit, and green shoots - as ripe fields.
We nurture, shield from troubles, feed and train. The child receives everything without worries; what would he be without us, to whom he owes everything?
Exclusive, unique and all - we are.
We command and demand obedience.
Morally and legally responsible, knowing and foreseeing, we are the only judges of the actions, mental movements, thoughts and intentions of the child.
We entrust and check the execution according to our will and understanding - our children, our property - hands off!
(True, something has changed. Not only the will and exclusive authority of the family is still cautious, but already public control. Slightly, imperceptibly.)
The beggar disposes of alms as he pleases, but the child has nothing of his own, he must account for every gift received for personal use.
It cannot be torn, broken, soiled, it cannot be presented, it cannot be rejected with disdain. The child must accept and be satisfied. Everything at the appointed time and in the appointed place, wisely and according to purpose.
Maybe that's why he so appreciates worthless trifles that cause us surprise and pity: various rubbish - the only truly property and wealth - lace, boxes, beads.
In return for these benefits, the child must yield, deserve good behavior - beg or lure, but just do not demand! Nothing is due to him, we give voluntarily. (There is a sad analogy: a rich man's girlfriend.)
Because of the poverty of the child and the mercy of material dependence, the attitude of adults towards children is immoral.
We neglect the child, because he does not know, does not guess, does not foresee. He does not know the difficulties and complexity of adult life, he does not know where our ups and downs and fatigue come from, what deprives us of peace and spoils our mood; does not know mature defeats and bankruptcies. It is easy to divert the attention of a naive child, to deceive, to hide from him.
He thinks life is simple and easy. There is a father, there is a mother; father earns, mother buys. The child knows neither betrayal of duty, nor the methods of struggle of adults for their own and not their own.
Free from material worries, from temptations and from strong shocks, he cannot even judge them. We unravel it instantly, pierce it through with a careless glance, without preliminary investigation we reveal clumsy tricks.
Or maybe we are deceived, seeing in the child only what we want to see?
Perhaps he is hiding from us, perhaps he is suffering in secret?
We devastate mountains, cut down trees, exterminate wild animals. Where there used to be wilds and swamps, there are more and more numerous villages. We are planting man in new lands.
The world is conquered by us, both the beast and iron serve us; the colored races are enslaved, the relations of nations are outlined, and the masses are appeased. Far from just order, there are more insults and ordeals in the world.
Childish doubts and protests seem frivolous.
Bright childish democracy knows no hierarchy. Before the time the child is saddened by the sweat of a laborer and a hungry coeval, the evil share of Savraska and a slaughtered chicken. A dog and a bird are close to him, a match is a butterfly and a flower, in a pebble and a shell he sees his brother. Alien to the arrogance of the upstart, the child does not know that only man has a soul.
We neglect the child, because he has many hours of life ahead of him.
We feel the heaviness of our steps, the sluggishness of selfish movements, the stinginess of perceptions and experiences. And the child runs and jumps, looks at anything, is surprised and asks; frivolously sheds tears and generously rejoices.
A fine autumn day is valuable, when the sun is rare, and in spring it is already so green. Enough and somehow, it is not enough for him to be happy, there is no need to try. We hurriedly and casually get rid of the child. We despise the diversity of his life and the joy that is easy to give him.
It is important minutes and years that are escaping from us; he has time to endure, he will still have time, he will wait.
The child is not a soldier, he does not defend his homeland, although he suffers along with it.
Weak, small, poor, dependent - he has yet to be a citizen.
Whether condescending, whether sharp, whether rude, and all - neglect.
Snotlout, still a child - a future person, not today. In fact, he still will be.
Watch, never take your eyes off for a minute. Look after, don't leave alone. Watch, don't step aside.
He falls, hits, cuts, gets dirty, spills, tears, breaks, spoils, puts somewhere, loses, sets fire, lets a thief into the house. Hurt himself, us, cripple himself, us, a playmate.
Supervise - no independent undertakings - the full right of control and criticism.
He does not know how much and what to eat, how much and when to drink, does not know the limits of his strength. Therefore, to stand guard over diet, sleep, rest.
How long? From what time? Always. With age, distrust of the child takes on a different character, but does not decrease, but even increases.
The child does not distinguish between what is important and what is not important. Alien to him order, systematic work. Distracted, he will forget, neglect, miss. He does not know that he will answer for everything with his future.
We must instruct, guide, train, suppress, restrain, correct, warn, prevent, inculcate, overcome.
Overcome whims, whims, stubbornness.
To instill caution, prudence, fears and anxiety, the ability to foresee and even anticipate.
We, experienced ones, know how many dangers, ambushes, traps, fatal accidents and catastrophes are around.
We know that even the greatest caution does not give a complete guarantee - and even more so we are suspicious: in order to have a clear conscience, and if trouble happened, there was at least nothing to reproach ourselves with.
The excitement of pranks is dear to him, it is amazing how he clings precisely to the bad. Willingly listens to bad whispers, follows the worst examples.
It breaks easily, but it's hard to fix.
We wish him well, we want to make it easier; we give all our experience without a trace: just reach out your hand - it's ready! We know what is harmful to children, we remember what harmed us ourselves, even if he avoids this, does not know, does not experience.
"Remember, know, understand."
"You will see for yourself, you will see for yourself."
Not listening! As if on purpose, as if out of spite.
You have to make sure that you obey, you have to make sure that you do. He himself clearly strives for everything bad, chooses the worst, dangerous path.
How to endure senseless pranks, ridiculous antics, inexplicable outbursts?
The primary creature looks suspicious. It seems submissive and innocent, but in essence it is cunning and insidious.
Knows how to elude control, lull vigilance, deceive. He always has an excuse ready, a subterfuge, he will hide, or even lie at all.
Unreliable, raises all sorts of doubts.
Contempt and distrust, suspicion and the desire to accuse.
A sad analogy: a brawler, a drunken, rebellious, crazy person. How - together, under one roof?
dislike
It's nothing. We love children. Despite everything, they are our delight, cheerfulness, hope, joy, rest, the light of life. We do not frighten, we do not burden, we do not torment; kids are free and happy...
But why are they like a burden, a hindrance, an inconvenient appendage? Where does the dislike for a beloved child come from?
Before he could welcome this inhospitable world, confusion and restrictions had already crept into the life of the family. Gone are the irretrievably short months of long-awaited legitimate joy.
A long period of clumsy malaise is completed by illness and pain, restless nights and additional expenses. Peace has been lost, order has disappeared, the balance of the budget has been disturbed.
Together with the sour smell of diapers and the shrill cry of a newborn, the chain of marital bondage rattled.
It’s hard when you can’t agree and you have to think and guess.
But we are waiting, perhaps even patiently.
And when he finally begins to walk and talk, he gets underfoot, grabs everything, climbs into all the cracks, thoroughly interferes and brings disorder - a little slob and a despot.
Causes damage, opposes itself to our reasonable will. Demands and understands only what his darling wants.
Little things should not be neglected: resentment towards children consists of getting up early, and a crumpled newspaper, stains on dresses and wallpaper, a soaked carpet, broken glasses and a souvenir vase, spilled milk and perfume, and a doctor's fee.
Sleeps not when we want, eats not the way we want; we thought he would laugh, but he was frightened and crying. How fragile! Any oversight threatens with illness, promising new difficulties.
If one of the parents forgives, the other - - in spite of that - does not let go and find fault; in addition to the mother, the father, the nanny, the servant and the neighbor have their own opinion about the child; and in defiance of the mother or secretly punish the child.
The little intriguer is the cause of friction and disagreement between adults; there is always someone dissatisfied and offended. For the indulgence of one child is responsible to another. Often, simple negligence is hidden behind imaginary kindness, the child becomes the defendant for other people's faults.
(Girls and boys do not like to be called: children. A common name with the smallest makes you answer for the long past, share the bad reputation of kids, listen to numerous reproaches that no longer apply to them, the elders.)
How seldom is a child the way we want, how often his growth is accompanied by a feeling of disappointment!
Seems like it should have...
In return for what we give him voluntarily, he is obliged to try and reward, he is obliged to understand, agree and be able to refuse; and above all, to be grateful. Both responsibilities and requirements grow over the years, but most often they are fulfilled less and differently than we would like.
Part of the time spent on education, rights, wishes, we transfer to the school. Vigilance doubles, responsibility rises, clashes of conflicting powers arise. Deficiencies are found.
Parents will graciously forgive the child: their indulgence follows from a clear consciousness of guilt that they gave him life, harmed him, crippled him. Sometimes a mother looks for a weapon in the imaginary illness of a child against other people's accusations and her own doubts.
A teacher in a private home rarely finds favorable conditions for working with children.
Bound by distrustful control, he is forced to maneuver between other people's pointers and his own convictions, a demand coming from outside and his own peace and comfort. Responsible for the child entrusted to him, he suffers the consequences of dubious decisions of legal guardians and employers.
Forced to conceal and circumvent difficulties, the educator can easily become demoralized, get used to duplicity - become embittered and lazy.
As the years go by, the distance between what the adult wants and what the child strives for increases: the knowledge of impure ways of enslavement grows.
There are complaints about thankless work: if God wants to punish someone, then he makes him an educator.
Children, lively, noisy, interested in life and its mysteries, tire us; their questions and surprise, discoveries and attempts - often with unsuccessful results - torment. Less often we are advisers, comforters, more often - harsh judges. Immediate Judgment and Punishment produce the same result: manifestations of boredom and rebellion will be less frequent, but stronger and more persistent. Therefore, to strengthen supervision, to overcome resistance, to insure yourself against surprises.
So the teacher rolls on an inclined plane: neglects, distrusts, suspects, monitors, catches, scolds, blames and punishes, looks for acceptable ways to prevent a recurrence; increasingly forbids and more mercilessly compels, does not want to see the efforts of the child to write a better page or fill an hour of life; dryly states: bad.
The azure of forgiveness is rare, the crimson of anger and indignation are frequent.
How much more understanding requires the education of a group of children, how much easier it is to fall into the error of accusations and insults!
One small, weak, and then tires, single misconduct and then angry; but how annoying, intrusive and inscrutable in their reactions is the crowd!
Understand, finally: not children, but the crowd. Mass, gang, pack - not children.
You get used to the idea that you are strong, and suddenly you feel small and weak. The crowd, this giant with a large total weight and the amount of vast experience, now rallies in a solidary rebuff, then breaks up into dozens of pairs of legs and arms - heads, each of which harbors different thoughts and innermost desires.
How difficult it is for a new educator in a classroom or boarding school, where children who were kept in strict obedience - insolent and devastated - organized themselves on the basis of gang violence! How strong and formidable they are, when with their combined efforts they hit your will, wanting to break through the dam - not children, the elements!
How many of them, hidden revolutions, about which the educator is silent; he is ashamed to admit that he is weaker than a child.
Once taught, the educator will seize on any means to suppress, conquer. No familiarities, innocent jokes; no grumblings in response, shuddering shoulders, gestures of annoyance, stubborn silence, angry glances! Uproot, vengefully burn out neglect and malicious obstinacy! He will bribe the leaders with special rights, select henchmen for himself, will not take care of the fairness of punishments, would be severe - as a warning, in order to extinguish the first spark of rebellion in time, so that the heroic crowd would not even mentally dare to roam or make demands.
The weakness of a child can awaken tenderness, the strength of a mass of children revolts and offends.
There is a false charge that friendly treatment will make guys impudent, and the answer to kindness will be indiscipline and disorder.
But let us not call carelessness, incompetence and helpless stupidity kindness. In addition to swindling grabbers and misanthropes, among the educators there are worthless people who could not hold on to any job, incapable of any responsible post.
It happens that a teacher flirts with children, wants to quickly, cheaply, easily sneak into trust. He wants to frolic, if in a good mood, and not painstakingly organize the life of the team. Sometimes these lordly indulgences are interspersed with bouts of bad mood. Such a teacher makes himself a laughing stock in the eyes of the children.
It happens that it seems to an ambitious person that it is easy to remake a person, persuading and gently instructing: one has only to touch and lure out a promise to improve. Such a teacher is annoying and annoying.
Sometimes, for show - friends, in words - allies, in fact - the most insidious enemies and offenders. These teachers are disgusting.
The answer to bullying will be neglect, to friendliness - hostility, rebellion, to distrust - conspiracy.
Years of work more and more clearly confirmed that children deserve respect, trust and friendship, that we are pleased to be with them in this clear atmosphere of affectionate sensations, cheerful laughter, first vigorous efforts and surprises, pure, bright and sweet joys, that this work is alive, fruitful and beautiful.
There was only one doubt and concern.
Why sometimes the most reliable - and let you down? Why - it is true, rarely, but there are - sudden explosions of mass indiscipline of the entire group? Maybe adults are no better, only more solid, reliable, more calmly you can rely on them?
I searched hard and gradually found the answer.
1. If the educator is looking for traits of character and dignity in children that seem especially valuable to him, if he wants to make everyone in the same way, to captivate everyone in the same direction, he will be misled: some will fake his requirements, others will sincerely succumb to suggestion - for the time being before time. And when the real appearance of the child is revealed, not only the educator, but also the child will painfully feel his defeat. The greater the effort to disguise or influence, the more violent the reaction; the child, revealed in his most authentic tendencies, has nothing to lose. What an important morality follows from this!
2. The educator has one measure of evaluation, the children have another: both he and they see spiritual wealth; he is waiting for this spiritual wealth to develop, and they are waiting for what use they will have from these wealth already now: will the child share what he owns, or will he consider himself entitled not to give - a proud, envious egoist, miser! He won’t tell fairy tales, he won’t play, he won’t draw, he won’t help and he won’t serve - “as if he is doing a favor”, “you need to beg”. Once in isolation, the child with a grand gesture wants to buy favor from his childish society, which joyfully welcomes the change. He did not suddenly deteriorate, but, on the contrary, he understood and corrected himself.
3. Everyone let down, offended everyone in a crowd.
I found an explanation in a book on animal training - and I do not hide the source. The lion is not dangerous when he is angry, but when he plays out, he wants to play pranks; and the crowd is as strong as a lion...
The solution must be sought not so much in psychology as - and this is more often - in medicine, sociology, ethnology, history, poetry, criminalistics, in a prayer book and in a training manual. Ars longa.
4. The turn of the sunniest (oh, at least not the last!) explanation has come. The oxygen of the air can intoxicate a child, like vodka can intoxicate an adult. Excitation, inhibition of control centers, excitement, eclipse; as a reaction - embarrassment, an unpleasant aftertaste - heartburn, consciousness of guilt. My observation is clinically accurate. And the most respectable citizens may have a weak head.
Do not blame: this clear intoxication of children causes a feeling of touching and respect, does not alienate and divide, but brings together and makes allies.
We hide our shortcomings and deeds that deserve punishment. Children are not allowed to criticize and notice our funny features, bad habits, funny sides. We build ourselves to perfection. Under the threat of the highest resentment, we protect the secrets of the ruling class, the caste of the chosen ones - those who are attached to the highest sacraments. Only a child can be bared shamelessly and put in the pillory.
We play marked cards with children; We beat the weaknesses of childhood with the aces of the virtues of adults. Cheers, we juggle the cards in such a way that the worst in children is countered by what is good and valuable in us.
Where are our couch potatoes and frivolous gourmet gourmets, fools, lazybones, loafers, adventurers, unscrupulous people, rogues, drunkards and thieves? Where are our violence and open and secret crimes? How many squabbles, cunning, envy, slander, blackmail, words that cripple, deeds that disgrace! How many quiet family tragedies from which children suffer, the first martyrs - victims!
But adult society is carefully sifted and strained. How many human scum and filth have been carried away by gutters, absorbed by graves, prisons and lunatic asylums!
We command to respect elders, experienced ones, without reasoning; and the guys also have bosses closer to them - teenagers, with their obsessive persuasion and pressure.
Criminal and unbalanced guys wander without a guard and shove, push and offend, infect. And all children are jointly and severally responsible for them (after all, we, adults, sometimes get a little bit from them).
These few revolt public opinion, standing out as bright spots on the surface of a child's life; it is they who dictate to the routine its methods: to keep the children in obedience, although it oppresses, with an iron fist, although it hurts, to be harsh, which means rude.
We don't let kids get organized; neglecting, distrusting, disliking, we do not care about them; without the participation of experts we can not cope; and experts are children themselves.
Are we really so uncritical that the caresses with which we pursue children express our disposition? Do we really not understand that, caressing a child, it is we who accept his caress, helplessly hide in his arms, seek protection and refuge in the hours of homeless pain, ownerless abandonment - we place the burden of suffering and sorrow on him?
Any other caress - not an escape to the child and not a plea for hope - is a criminal search and the awakening of sensual sensations in him.
“I hug because I'm sad. Kiss, then ladies.
Selfishness, not disposition.
The right to respect
There are, as it were, two lives: one is important and respectable, and the other is condescendingly allowed by us, less valuable. We say: future man, future worker, future citizen. That they will only be, that then they will start for real, that it is only in the future that it will be serious. In the meantime, we graciously allow them to get under our feet, but it is more convenient for us without them.
No! There were children and there will be children. The kids didn't take us by surprise, not for long. Children are not a casually met acquaintance, whom you can hastily get around, escaping with a smile and a bow.
Children make up a large percentage of humanity, population, nation, residents, fellow citizens - they are our true friends. There are, were and will be.
Does life exist as a joke? No, childhood is long, important years in a person's life.
The cruel laws of ancient Greece and Rome allow you to kill a child. In the Middle Ages, fishermen fished the bodies of drowned babies from the rivers with a net. In the 17th century in Paris, older children are sold to beggars, and babies at Notre Dame Cathedral are handed out for free. This is very recent! And to this day, the child is abandoned when he is a hindrance.
The number of illegitimate, abandoned, homeless, exploited, corrupted, tortured children is growing. The law protects them, but is it enough? Much has changed in the world; old laws require revision.
We got rich. We are already enjoying the fruits of not only our labor. We are heirs, shareholders, co-owners of a huge fortune. How many cities, buildings, factories, mines, hotels, theaters we have! How many goods are in the markets, how many ships transport them. Consumers swoop in and ask to sell.
Let's draw a balance, how much of the total amount is due to the child, how much falls to his share, not out of mercy, not as alms. Let us examine honestly how much we allocate for the use of a childish people, a small nation, a enslaved class. What is the inheritance and what should be the division; Haven't we, dishonest guardians, deprived the children of their rightful share - haven't we expropriated them?
Cramped for children, stuffy, boring, they have a poor, harsh life.
We introduced universal education, forced mental work; there is a record and school recruitment. We have charged the child with the task of reconciling the opposing interests of two parallel authorities.
The school demands, but parents are reluctant to give. Conflicts between family and school fall heavily on the child. Parents agree with the not always fair accusations of the child by the school in order to save themselves from the guardianship imposed by it on him.
Soldiers' training is also only a preparation for the day when a soldier is called to a feat; but the state of the soldier provides everything. The state gives him a roof over his head and food; uniform, carbine and allowance are his right, not alms.
And the child, subject to compulsory general education, must beg from the parents or the community.
The Geneva legislators confused duties and rights; the tone of the declaration is not a demand, but an exhortation: an appeal to good will, a request for favor.
The school creates the rhythm of hours, days and years. School workers must meet today's needs of young citizens. A child is a rational being, he is well aware of the needs, difficulties and obstacles of his life. Not despotic orders, not imposed discipline, not distrustful control, but tactful agreement, faith in experience, cooperation and living together!
The child is not stupid; there are no more fools among them than among adults. Clothed in the purple robe of years, how often do we impose meaningless, uncritical, impracticable prescriptions! Sometimes a reasonable child stops in amazement before the aggression of caustic gray-haired stupidity.
The child has a future, but there is also a past: memorable events, memories and many hours of the most authentic solitary reflections. Just like us - not otherwise - he remembers and forgets, appreciates and underestimates, reasons logically and makes mistakes if he does not know. Cautiously believes and doubts.
The child is a foreigner, he does not understand the language, does not know the direction of the streets, does not know the laws and customs. Sometimes he prefers to look around himself; difficult - ask for guidance and advice. Need a guide who will politely answer questions.
Respect his ignorance!
An evil person, a swindler, a scoundrel will take advantage of the ignorance of a foreigner and answer unintelligibly, deliberately misleading. The brute grumbles under his breath. No, we do not kindly inform, but squabble and bark with children - we scold, reprimand, punish.
How deplorably miserable would be the knowledge of a child if he did not acquire it from his peers, if he did not overhear it, if he did not steal it from the words and conversations of adults.
Respect the work of knowledge!
Respect failures and tears!
Not only a torn stocking, but also a scratched knee, not only a broken glass, but also a cut finger, a bruise, a lump - which means pain.
A blot in a notebook is an accident, a nuisance, a failure.
“When dad spills tea, mommy says: “Nothing,” but I always get it.”
Unaccustomed to pain, resentment, injustice, children suffer deeply and therefore cry more often, but even the tears of a child cause joking remarks, seem less important, angry.
"Look, squealed, roars, whines, nurses dismissed." (A bunch of words from an adult dictionary, invented for children's use.)
Tears of stubbornness and caprice are tears of impotence and rebellion, a desperate attempt to protest, a call for help, a complaint about the negligence of guardianship, evidence that children are unreasonably constrained and forced, a manifestation of poor health and always suffering.
Respect the child's property and budget. The child shares the material concerns of the family with adults, painfully feels shortages, compares his poverty with the security of a fellow student, worries about the unfortunate pennies on which he ruins the family. He doesn't want to be a burden.
But what to do when you need a hat, a book, and a movie; a notebook, if it was written out, and a pencil, if it was taken or lost; but I would like to give something as a keepsake to a close friend, and buy a cake, and lend it to a fellow practitioner. So many essential needs, desires and temptations - and no!
Isn't it a crying fact that it is theft cases that predominate in juvenile courts? Underestimation of the child's budget is revenge for itself - and punishment will not help. The child's property is not rubbish, but beggarly miserable material and tools, hopes and memories.
Not imaginary, but genuine today's worries and anxieties, bitterness and disappointments of youth.
The child is growing. Life is more intense, breathing is more frequent, the pulse is more alive, the child builds himself - more and more of him; grows deeper into life. It grows day and night, both when it sleeps and when it is awake, and when it is cheerful and when it is sad, when it is naughty and when it stands before you and repents.
There are springs of redoubled labor of development and lulls in autumn. Here the skeleton grows, and the heart does not keep up; sometimes a deficiency, sometimes an excess; a different chemistry of dying and developing glands, other surprises and anxiety.
Then he needs to run - the way he breathes - fight, lift weights, get; then lie low, dream, indulge in sad memories. Alternately hardening, then a thirst for peace, warmth and convenience. Either a strong desire to act, or apathy.
Fatigue, malaise (pain, cold), hot, cold, drowsiness, hunger, thirst, lack of something or excess, feeling unwell - all this is not a whim and not a school excuse.
Respect the mysteries and deviations of the hard work of growth!
Respect the current hour and today! How will a child be able to live tomorrow if we do not let him live a conscious, responsible life today?
Do not trample, do not push around, do not give into slavery to tomorrow, do not cool, do not rush and do not drive.
Respect every single minute, for it will die and never be repeated, and this is always serious; wounded - will begin to bleed, killed - disturb the ghost of bad memories.
Let the children revel in the joy of the morning and believe. This is exactly what the child wants. He does not feel sorry for the time for a fairy tale, for a conversation with a dog, for a ball game, for a detailed examination of a picture, for redrawing a letter, and all this is loving. He is right.
We are naively afraid of death, not realizing that life is a round dance of dying and reborn moments. A year is just an attempt to understand eternity in an everyday way. Peace lasts as long as a smile or a sigh. The mother wants to raise the child. Don't wait! Again and again another woman meets and sees off another man.
We clumsily divide years into more mature and less mature; but there is no immature today, there is no age hierarchy, no lower and higher ranks of pain and joy, hope and disappointment.
Whether I'm playing or talking to a child, two equally mature minutes of my and his life are intertwined; and in a crowd of children I always for a moment meet and follow with my eyes
and the smile of a child. I'm angry, we're together again - only my evil vindictive moment rapes his important and mature moment of life.
Renounce in the name of tomorrow? Why is it so alluring? We always paint it with too bright colors. The prediction comes true: the roof is falling down, because the foundation of the building has not been given due attention.
The child's right to be what he is
What will become of him, who will grow up? we ask ourselves with concern.
We want our children to be better than us. We are dreaming of a perfect man of the future.
We must vigilantly catch ourselves in a lie, stigmatizing egoism dressed in beautiful words. As if self-denial, but in essence - a gross fraud.
We explained ourselves and reconciled, forgave ourselves and freed ourselves from the obligation to correct ourselves. We were brought up badly. But it's too late! Vices and shortcomings have already taken root. We do not allow children to criticize us and do not control ourselves.
They let go of their sins and refused to fight with themselves, putting this burden on their children.
The educator hastily masters the special rights of adults: to look not for themselves, but for the children, to register not their own, but children's guilt.
And the guilt of a child is everything that aims at our peace, at pride and convenience, restores against oneself and gets angry, beats habits, absorbs time and thoughts. We do not recognize omissions without ill will.
The child does not know, did not hear, did not understand, listened, made a mistake, failed, cannot - all this is his fault. Bad luck or feeling unwell, every difficulty is guilt and ill will.
Not fast enough or too fast and therefore not properly done work - fault: negligence, laziness, absent-mindedness, unwillingness to work.
Failure to comply with an offensive and impracticable requirement is guilt. And our hasty evil suspicion is also his fault. The fault of the child is our fears and suspicions, and even his efforts to improve.
"You see, when you want, you can."
We will always find something to reproach, and greedily demand more and more.
Do we give in tactfully, do we avoid unnecessary friction, do we make life together easier? Aren't we ourselves stubborn, fastidious, cocky and capricious?
The child attracts our attention when it interferes and brings confusion; we notice and remember only these moments. And we do not see when he is calm, serious, concentrated. We underestimate the sinless minutes of a special conversation, with the world, with God. The child is forced to hide his anguish and inner impulses from ridicule and harsh remarks; hides the desire to explain himself, and does not express the decision to improve.
It does not cast a penetrating glance, it harbors surprise, anxiety, grief, anger, rebellion. We want him to jump up and down and clap his hands - he shows the grinning face of the jester.
Bad deeds and bad children speak loudly about themselves, drowning out the whisper of good, but good is a thousand times more than evil. Goodness is strong and indestructible. It is not true that it is easier to spoil than to fix.
We train our attention and ingenuity in looking for evil, in investigating, in sniffing out, in stalking, in chasing, in red-handed catching, in bad foresights, and in offensive suspicions.
(Do we keep an eye on old people so that they don’t play football? What an abomination - stubbornly tracking down masturbation in children.)
One of the boys slammed the door, one bed was badly made, one coat was missing, one blot in a notebook. If we do not scold, then, in any case, we grumble, instead of rejoicing that there is only one, one, one.
We hear complaints and disputes, but how much more forgiveness, concessions, help, care, services, lessons, deep and beautiful influences! Even bullies and mean ones not only make you shed tears, but also smiles.
Lazy, we want no one and never, so that out of ten thousand seconds of a school day (count) there was not a single difficult one.
Why is a child bad for one teacher and good for another? We demand a standard of virtue and conduct, and beyond that, according to our own discretion and pattern.
Can you find an example of such tyranny in history? The generation of Nero * has bred.
In addition to health, there are also ailments, in addition to virtues and positive qualities, there are shortcomings and vices.
In addition to a small number of children growing up in an atmosphere of fun and festivities, for whom life is a fairy tale and a majestic legend, trusting and good-natured, there is the bulk of children to whom the world harshly and without embellishment speaks harsh truths from a young age.
Spoiled by the contemptuous pushing around of uncivilizedness and poverty, or by the sensually affectionate disdain for satiety and gloss...
Dirty, distrustful, turned against people, not bad.
For a child, an example is not only a house, but also a corridor, a yard, a street. The child speaks the language of others - expresses their views, repeats their gestures, imitates their actions. We do not know a pure child - everyone is polluted to some extent.
Oh, how quickly it is released and cleansed! This is not treated, it is washed away; the child is glad that he has found himself, and willingly helps. He yearns for a bath and smiles at you and himself.
Such naive triumphs from the story of orphans are achieved by every educator; these cases confuse uncritically thinking moralists, which, they say, is easy. The hack is happy, the ambitious takes credit for himself, and the despot is angry that this does not always work out; some want to achieve similar results everywhere, increasing the dose of persuasion, others - pressure.
In addition to only contaminated children, they also meet with bruises and wounds; stab wounds do not leave scars and heal themselves under a clean dressing; for lacerations to heal, you have to wait longer, painful scars remain; they cannot be hit. Scabs and ulcers require more diligence and patience.
They say: the body heals; I would like to add: and the soul.
How many minor abrasions and infections at the school and boarding school, how many temptations and persistent whispers; but how fleeting and innocent their action is! Let's not be afraid of terrible epidemics where the atmosphere of the boarding school is healthy, where there is a lot of oxygen and light.
How wise, gradual, and wonderful the process of recovery! How many important secrets are in the blood, juices, tissues! How each disturbed function and affected organ tries to restore balance and cope with its task! How many miracles in the growth of a plant and a person - in the heart, in the brain, in the breath! The smallest excitement or tension - and the heart flutters more strongly, the pulse is already more frequent.
Just as strong and persistent is the spirit of a child. There is moral stability and a sensitive conscience. It is not true that children are easily infected.
And it is true, unfortunately, late, pedology * got into school programs. One cannot be imbued with respect for the sacrament of correction without understanding the harmony of the body.
A hacky diagnosis lumps into one heap children mobile, proud, with a critical direction of mind, all "uncomfortable", but healthy and clean - along with offended, inflated, distrustful - polluted, sophisticated, frivolous, obediently following bad examples. An immature, careless, superficial glance confuses and confuses them with the rarely encountered criminal, burdened with bad inclinations, children.
(We, adults, not only managed to neutralize the stepchildren of fate, but also skillfully use the work of the outcasts.)
Forced to live with them, healthy children suffer doubly: they are offended and drawn into crimes.
Well, what about us? Do we lightly accuse all the guys indiscriminately, do we impose joint and several liability?
"That's what they are, that's what they can do."
Perhaps the worst injustice.
Offspring of drunkenness, violence and frenzy. Misdemeanors are not an echo of an external, but an internal punishment. Black minutes when the child realized that he was different, that there was nothing to be done,
he is a cripple and will be anathematized and hunted down. The first decision is to fight the force that dictates evil deeds to him. What was given to others for free is so easy that in others a trifle and everyday life - serene days of peace of mind - he receives as a reward for a bloody duel with himself. He is looking for help and, if he trusts, he clings to you, asks, demands: “Save me!” He found out about the secret and longs to correct himself once and for all, at once, with one effort.
Instead of prudently restraining a frivolous impulse, postponing the decision to improve, we clumsily encourage and accelerate. The child wants to free himself, and we try to catch in the net; he wants to break free, and we are preparing insidious snares. Children crave openly and directly, and we teach only to hide. Children give us a day, whole, long and flawless, and we reject it for one bad moment. Is it worth it?
The child urinated under himself every day, now less often, it was better, worsening again - it doesn’t matter! Longer breaks between seizures in epileptics. He coughs less often, the temperature of a patient with tuberculosis subsided. Still not better, but not worse. And this doctor puts in plus treatment. You can't lure or force anything here.
Desperate, full of rebellion and contempt for the submissive, flattering brotherhood of virtue, the children stand in front of the teacher, having preserved, perhaps, the only and last shrine - dislike for hypocrisy. And we want to knock down and slash this shrine! We are committing a bloody crime, inflicting cold and torture on the children, and brutally suppressing not the rebellion itself, but its nakedness, lightly inflaming hatred for treachery and hypocrisy.
Children do not abandon the plan of revenge, but postpone, waiting for an opportunity. And if they believe in goodness, they will harbor this longing for goodness in the depths of their souls.
Why did you give birth to me? Who asked you for this dog life?
I turn to the disclosure of the most secret secrets, to the most difficult explanation. For violations and omissions, patient and friendly indulgence is sufficient; criminal children need love. Their angry rebellion is just. One must understand with one's heart their resentment for smooth virtue and make an alliance with a lonely branded offense. When, if not now, give him a flower of a smile?
In correctional houses there is still the Inquisition, the torture of medieval punishments, the solidarity and vindictiveness of legalized persecution. Don't you see that the best guys feel sorry for these very bad ones: what is their fault?
The recently humble physician obediently served sweet syrups and bitter mixtures to the sick; bound feverish patients, bled and starved in the gloomy vestibules of the cemetery. Indifferent to the poor, catered to the wealthy.
But here he began to demand - and received.
The doctor won the children space and the sun, just as, to our shame, the general* gave the child movement, a merry adventure, the joy of comradely service, an order to live honestly in conversations around a camp fire under a star-studded sky.
What is the role of our educators? What is their area of work?
Guardian of walls and furniture, silence in the yard, cleanliness of ears and floor; a shepherd who makes sure that the cattle do not climb into the grass, do not interfere with the work and fun of adults; a keeper of torn trousers and shoes, and a stingy porridge distributor. The guardian of adult privileges and the lazy performer of their amateurish whims.
A stall of fears and warnings, a stall of moral junk, a take-out sale of denatured* knowledge that emboldens, confuses, and lulls instead of awakening, enlivening, and delighting. Agents of cheap virtue, we must impose reverence and obedience on children and help adults to feel and feel good. For miserable pennies to create a solid future, to deceive and conceal that children are mass, will, strength and right.
The doctor pulled the child out of the mouth of death, the task of the educators is to give him life, to win for him the right to be a child.
The researchers decided that a mature person is guided by serious motives, a child is impulsive; an adult is logical, a child is at the mercy of the whim of the imagination; an adult has a character and a certain moral character, a child is entangled in a chaos of instincts and desires. The child is studied not as a different, but as a lower, weaker and poorer mental organization. As if all adults are scientists-professors.
And an adult is a complete vinaigrette, a backwater of views and beliefs, herd psychology, superstition and habits, frivolous actions of fathers and mothers, adult life is completely, from beginning to end, irresponsible! Carelessness, laziness, stupid stubbornness, thoughtlessness, absurdities, madness and drunken antics of adults ...
... And childish seriousness, prudence and poise, solid obligations, experience in their field, the capital of correct judgments and assessments, full tact moderation of demands, subtlety of feelings, an unmistakable sense of justice.
Can each of us beat a child at chess?
Let's demand respect for clear eyes, smooth skin, youthful effort and trust. What is more respectable than a faded look, a forehead covered with wrinkles, hard gray hairs and bent humility to fate?
Sunrise and sunset. Morning and evening prayer. And inhale, and exhale, and contraction, and relaxation of the heart.
A soldier is all a soldier - both when he goes into battle, and when he returns, covered with dust.
A new generation is growing, a new wave is rising. They come with both disadvantages and advantages; give the conditions for children to grow up better! We cannot win a lawsuit with the coffin of unhealthy heredity, because we will not tell the cornflowers to become bread.
We are not magicians - and do not want to be charlatans. We renounce the hypocritical longing for perfect children.
We demand: eliminate hunger, cold, dampness, closeness, crowding, overpopulation!
It is you who breed sick and crippled, you create the conditions for rebellion and infection: your frivolity and lack of consent.
Attention: modern life is shaped by a rude predator, homo rapax *: it is he who dictates the methods of action. Lies - his concessions to the weak, falsehood - honor to the old man, equality of women and love for the child. The homeless Cinderella wanders around the world - a feeling. But it is children who are the princes of feelings, poets and thinkers.
Respect, if not revere, pure, clear, undefiled holy childhood!
Janusz Korczak
The child's right to respect
Neglect - distrust
From an early age, we grow in the consciousness that the big is more important than the small.
I'm big, - the child rejoices when they put it on the table.
I'm taller than you, - he notes with a sense of pride, measured with a peer.
It is unpleasant to stand on tiptoe and not reach out, it is difficult to keep up with an adult with small steps, a glass slips out of a tiny hand. Awkwardly and with difficulty the child climbs into a chair, into a stroller, onto a ladder; cannot reach the doorknob, look out the window, remove or hang anything because it is too high. In the crowd they block him, they will not notice him and they will push him. It's uncomfortable, unpleasant to be small.
Respect and admiration is great, something that takes up a lot of space. The little one is everyday, uninteresting. Small people - small and needs, joys and sorrows.
They make an impression - a big city, high mountains, big trees. We are speaking:
Great feat, great man.
And the child is small, light, you do not feel it in your hands. We have to lean towards him, bend down.
And worse, the child is weak.
We can lift him up, throw him up, seat him against his will, we can forcibly stop him on the run, nullify his efforts.
Whenever he disobeys, I have strength in reserve. I say: "Do not leave, do not touch, move, give." And he knows that he must yield; but how many times does he try to disobey before he understands, surrenders, submits!
Who and when, under what exceptional conditions will dare to push, shake, hit an adult? And how ordinary and innocent our slaps, dragging a child by the hand, rude “affectionate” hugs seem to us!
The feeling of weakness causes reverence for strength; everyone, not only an adult, but also a child older, stronger, can express displeasure in a rude form, back up the demand with force, force them to obey: they can offend with impunity.
We teach by our own example neglect what is weaker! Bad science, grim omen.
The face of the world has changed. It is no longer the strength of the muscles that does the work and defends against the enemy, it is not the strength of the muscles that wrests dominion, prosperity and security from the earth, from the sea and forests. Bonded Slave Machine! Muscles have lost their exclusive rights and value. The more respect for the mind and knowledge.
A suspicious closet, a modest cell of a thinker has grown into the halls of research institutes. The floors of libraries are growing, the shelves are bent under the weight of books. The shrines of the proud mind filled with people. The man of science creates and commands. Hieroglyphs of numbers and signs again and again bring down new achievements on the crowd, testifying to the power of mankind. All this must be embraced by memory and comprehended.
Years of hard study are being extended, more and more schools, exams, and the printed word. And the child is small, weak, does not live long - he did not read, he does not know ...
A formidable problem is how to divide the conquered spaces, what and to whom to give tasks and rewards, how to master the conquered globe. How many and how to scatter workshops in order to feed the hands and brain that are hungry for work, how to keep the human anthill in obedience and order, how to insure oneself from the evil will and folly of the individual, how to fill the hours of life with action, rest, entertainment, protect from apathy, satiety, boredom . How to unite people in disciplined unions, facilitate mutual understanding; when to separate and divide. Here to urge, encourage, there to restrain, here to inflame the ardor, there to extinguish.
Politicians and legislators act cautiously, and even then they often make mistakes.
And adults consult and decide about the child; but who will ask the naive for his opinion, his consent: what can he say?
In addition to intelligence and knowledge, ingenuity helps in the struggle for existence and for weight in society. A quick man senses a profit and breaks the jackpot; contrary to all calculations, immediately and easily makes money; astounding and envious. You have to know a person thoroughly, and they are no longer altars, but the stables of life.
And the child minces helplessly with a textbook, a ball and a doll, vaguely feeling that without his participation something important and big is happening somewhere over him, that decides whether he has a share or not, punishes and rewards and crushes.
A flower is a harbinger of a future fetus, a chicken will become a laying hen, a heifer will give milk. And until then - efforts, spending and care - will you save it, will it not let you down?
Everything that grows causes anxiety, because you have to wait a long time; maybe it will be the support of old age, and will reward a hundredfold. But life knows droughts, frosts and hail, which beat and destroy the harvest.
We are waiting for omens, we want to predict, to protect; the anxious expectation of what will be increases the neglect of what is.
The market value of the unripe is low. Only before the law and God is the color of an apple tree worth as much as the fruit, and green shoots - as ripe fields.
We nurture, shield from troubles, feed and train. The child receives everything without worries; what would he be without us, to whom he owes everything?
Exclusive, unique and all - we are.
We command and demand obedience.
Morally and legally responsible, knowing and foreseeing, we are the only judges of the actions, mental movements, thoughts and intentions of the child.
We entrust and check the execution according to our will and understanding - our children, our property - hands off!
(True, something has changed. Not only the will and exclusive authority of the family is still cautious, but already public control. Slightly, imperceptibly.)
The beggar disposes of alms as he pleases, but the child has nothing of his own, he must account for every gift received for personal use.
It cannot be torn, broken, soiled, it cannot be presented, it cannot be rejected with disdain. The child must accept and be satisfied. Everything at the appointed time and in the appointed place, wisely and according to purpose.
Maybe that's why he so appreciates worthless trifles that cause us surprise and pity: various rubbish - the only truly property and wealth - lace, boxes, beads.
In return for these benefits, the child must yield, deserve good behavior - beg or lure, but just do not demand! Nothing is due to him, we give voluntarily. (There is a sad analogy: a rich man's girlfriend.)
Because of the poverty of the child and the mercy of material dependence, the attitude of adults towards children is immoral.
We neglect the child, because he does not know, does not guess, does not foresee. He does not know the difficulties and complexity of adult life, he does not know where our ups and downs and fatigue come from, what deprives us of peace and spoils our mood; does not know mature defeats and bankruptcies. It is easy to divert the attention of a naive child, to deceive, to hide from him.
He thinks life is simple and easy. There is a father, there is a mother; father earns, mother buys. The child knows neither betrayal of duty, nor the methods of struggle of adults for their own and not their own.
Free from material worries, from temptations and from strong shocks, he cannot even judge them. We unravel it instantly, pierce it through with a careless glance, without preliminary investigation we reveal clumsy tricks.
Or maybe we are deceived, seeing in the child only what we want to see?
Perhaps he is hiding from us, perhaps he is suffering in secret?
We devastate mountains, cut down trees, exterminate wild animals. Where there used to be wilds and swamps, there are more and more numerous villages. We are planting man in new lands.
The world is conquered by us, both the beast and iron serve us; the colored races are enslaved, the relations of nations are outlined, and the masses are appeased. Far from just order, there are more insults and ordeals in the world.
Childish doubts and protests seem frivolous. Bright childish democracy knows no hierarchy. Before the time the child is saddened by the sweat of a laborer and a hungry coeval, the evil share of Savraska and a slaughtered chicken. A dog and a bird are close to him, a butterfly and a flower are his equals, he sees his brother in a pebble and a shell. Alien to the arrogance of the upstart, the child does not know that only man has a soul.
Touching, open, tender and defenseless books by Janusz Korczak leave no one indifferent. Read only once, they are not forgotten, but require a return to oneself, reflection, make one compare life with those truths that the great teacher so simply and naturally told in his small stories. Korczak is one of the few who talks about raising children without pathos and edification, as if he were yours. old friend who knows the innermost secrets of your family. A ray of kindness received from his books will warm you and your children for many years. The publication includes the works of J. Korchak "The right of the child to respect", "Rules of life", pedagogical articles.
Janusz Korczak
Respect for the child
Children's right to respect
Disdain - Distrust
From an early age, we grow in the consciousness that the big is more important than the small.
“I’m big,” the child rejoices when they put it on the table.
“I’m taller than you,” he notes with a sense of pride, measuring himself against a peer.
It is unpleasant to stand on tiptoe and not reach out, it is difficult to keep up with adults with small steps, a glass slips out of a tiny hand. Awkwardly and with difficulty the child climbs into a chair, into a stroller, onto a ladder; cannot reach the doorknob, look out the window, remove or hang anything because it is too high. In the crowd they block him, they will not notice him and they will push him. It's uncomfortable, unpleasant to be small.
Respect and admiration is great, something that takes up a lot of space. The little one is everyday, uninteresting. Small people are small and needs, joys and sorrows.
They make an impression - a big city, high mountains, big trees. We are speaking:
“Great feat, great man.
And the child is small, light, you do not feel it in your hands. We have to lean towards him, bend down.
And worse, the child is weak.
We can lift him up, throw him up, seat him against his will, we can forcibly stop him on the run, nullify his efforts.
Whenever he disobeys, I have strength in reserve. I say: "Don't go, don't touch, move, give." And he knows that he is obliged to give in, and yet how many times he tries to disobey before he understands, surrenders, submits!
Who and when, under what exceptional conditions will dare to push, shake, hit an adult? And how ordinary and innocent our slaps, dragging the child by the hand, rude "affectionate" hugs seem to us!
The feeling of weakness causes reverence for strength; everyone, not only an adult, but also a child older, stronger, can express displeasure in a rude form, back up the demand with force, force them to obey: they can offend with impunity.
We teach by our own example to disdain those who are weaker. Bad science, grim omen.
The face of the world has changed. It is no longer the strength of the muscles that performs the work, defends against the enemy, it is not the strength of the muscles that wrests dominion, prosperity, security from the earth, forests and the sea. An enslaved slave is a machine! Muscles have lost their exclusive rights and value. The more respect for the mind and knowledge.
A suspicious closet, a modest cell of a thinker has grown into the halls of research institutes. The floors of libraries are growing, the shelves are bent under the weight of books. The shrines of the proud mind filled with people. The man of science creates and commands. The hieroglyphs of numbers again and again bring new achievements to the crowd, testifying to the power of mankind.
All this must be embraced by memory and comprehended.
Years of hard study are extended, more and more schools, exams, printed word. And the child is small, weak, does not live long - he did not read, he does not know ...
We nurture, shield from troubles, feed and train. He receives everything without worries; what would he be without us, to whom he owes everything?
Exclusive, unique and all - we are.
We command and demand obedience.
Morally and legally responsible, knowing and foreseeing, we are the only judges of the actions, mental movements, thoughts and intentions of the child.
We entrust and check the execution - according to our will, according to our understanding - our children, our property - hands off!
(True, something has changed. Not only the will and exclusive authority of the family is still cautious, but already social control. Slightly, imperceptibly.)
The beggar disposes of alms as he pleases, but the child has nothing of his own, he must account for every gift received for personal use.
It cannot be torn, broken, soiled, it cannot be presented, it cannot be rejected with disdain. The child must accept and be satisfied. Everything at the appointed time and in the appointed place, wisely and according to purpose.
Maybe that's why he so appreciates worthless trifles that cause us surprise and pity; various rubbish - the only truly property and wealth - lace, boxes, beads.
In return for these benefits, the child must yield, deserve good behavior - beg or lure, just do not demand! Nothing is due to him, we give voluntarily.
Because of the poverty of the child and the mercy of material dependence, the attitude of adults towards children is immoral.
We neglect the child, because he does not know, does not guess, does not foresee.
He does not know the difficulties and complexity of adult life, he does not know where our ups and downs and fatigue come from, what deprives us of peace and spoils our mood: he does not know mature defeats and bankruptcies. It is easy to divert the attention of a naive child, to deceive, to hide from him.
He thinks life is simple and easy. There is a father, there is a mother; father earns, mother buys. The child knows neither betrayal of duty, nor the methods of struggle of adults for their own and not their own.
Free from material worries, from temptations and from strong shocks, he cannot judge them. We unravel it instantly, pierce it through with a careless glance, without preliminary investigation we reveal clumsy tricks.
Or maybe we are deceived, seeing in the child only what we want to see?
Perhaps he is hiding from us, perhaps he is suffering in secret?
We devastate mountains, cut down trees, exterminate wild animals. Where there used to be wilds and swamps, there are more and more numerous villages. We are planting man in new lands.
The world is conquered by us, both the beast and iron serve us; the colored races are enslaved, the relations of nations are outlined, and the masses are appeased. Far from just order, there are more insults and ordeals in the world.
Childish doubts and protests seem frivolous.
Bright childish democracy knows no hierarchy. Before the time the child is saddened by the sweat of a laborer and a hungry coeval, the evil share of Savraska and a slaughtered chicken. A dog and a bird are close to him, a match is a butterfly and a flower, in a pebble and a shell he sees his brother. Alien to the arrogance of the upstart, the child does not know that only man has a soul.
We neglect the child, because he has many hours of life ahead of him. We feel the heaviness of our steps, the sluggishness of selfish movements, the stinginess of perceptions and experiences. And the child runs and jumps, looks at anything, is surprised and asks; frivolously sheds tears and generously rejoices.
A fine autumn day is valuable, when the sun is rare, and in spring it is already so green. Enough and somehow, it is not enough for him to be happy, there is nothing to try. We hurriedly and casually get rid of the child. We despise the diversity of his life and the joy that is easy to give him.
The child is not a soldier, he does not defend his homeland, although he suffers along with it. There is no need to reckon with his opinion, he is not a voter: he does not declare, does not demand, does not threaten.
Weak, small, poor, dependent - he has yet to be a citizen.
Whether condescending, whether sharp, whether rude, and all - neglect.
Snotlout, still a child - a future person, not today. In fact, he still will be.
Watch, never take your eyes off for a minute. Look after, don't leave alone. Watch, don't step aside.
He falls, hits, cuts, gets dirty, spills, tears, breaks, spoils, puts somewhere, loses, sets fire, lets a thief into the house. Hurt himself, us, cripple himself, us, a playmate.
Oversee - no independent undertakings - the full right of control and criticism.
He does not know how much and what to eat, how much and when to drink, does not know the limits of his strength. Therefore, to stand guard over diet, sleep, rest. How long? From what time? Always. With age, distrust of the child takes on a different character, but does not decrease, but even increases.
