I can't make friends. How to act correctly in search of new friends in adulthood? Let's try to give some advice.

Probably, each of us has come across a situation when the feeling of loneliness presses and overwhelms the soul, when you need advice or just want to speak out to a loved one who could support in Hard time, but it is impossible to do this, because there is no best friend nearby. And here we understand that it is not in vain that people say: a trouble shared with someone is already half the trouble. It turns out that the first step to solving any problem is to talk about it out loud with a faithful and sincere comrade who will not gloat behind your back, but will suggest a way out or simply grieve with you.

Our life is so fast-paced that sometimes we do not think about such a thing as true friendship. But in vain, because only a devoted friend will help in trouble and share the joy, correctly assess the situation, will not prevaricate and will always tell the truth, no matter how unattractive it may be. And the truth from the lips of a person who is trusted turns out to be more important than a sweet lie, it's just that the understanding of this comes later.

Loneliness in a crowded room - school, office, city, country, in the midst of the noise and voices of a raging life - is an unpleasant feeling experienced by many. Suddenly absolutely successful mature person can grab by the tail the elusive thought of inner emptiness. And when there is a house with a table, food on it, a third car and even a second wife, real human friendship may still be missing - a bright feeling, a special form of love, less subject to passions than love itself, and therefore more pure and bright . Or an understanding interlocutor, soul mate, an adherent of your interests and desires, no matter what gender.

best age for friendship

Psychologists who love to dissect the human soul have done research more than once. They argue that long-term friendship most often originates in high school, and not in the sandbox or in old age on a bench, although there are exceptions. Of course, throughout our lives we are surrounded by a huge number of people with whom we often start friendships that last for years or break off as quickly as they appeared. But all this is not at all the friendship that each of us secretly dreams of. Sincere feelings are rooted in youth, because this is exactly the period when there is an awareness of the world and a great desire arises to say to oneself: “I am not alone!”.

In addition, at such a turbulent age, a lot happens very much. important events capable of binding comrades shared memories. In youth, the ability to think soberly, be responsible for actions, and an irresistible desire to find a like-minded person who can be trusted with secrets without fear of being misinterpreted or misunderstood already appears. However, there is always an opportunity to make strong friendships. To paraphrase the poet, all ages are submissive to friendship. A wise people They say that the one who starts with himself will find success. Only one who knows how to be a good comrade himself can count on a reward in the form of sincere and strong friendship with other people.

Where to start running away from loneliness?

A person who sets out to make friends is strongly advised to look at himself in the mirror. Of course, we are talking not about staring at your reflection in it. And the mirror has nothing to do with it, because you need to look much deeper - into your own soul. You will have to sincerely answer just one simple question: “Do I want a friend like myself?”. An honest answer will significantly save time, effort and nerves spent on climbing to the intended peak.

The unshakable rule - about the meeting on clothes - still works. A good disposition, talents and a multifaceted personality will surely open up to the world in all its radiance. But after. And for starters, you will have to, if, of course, there is a need for this, to correct appearance, manners and speech - a pledge positive impression from the first meeting with a new person.

"How to make new friends?" - This next question that you ask your inner self. Perhaps the former circle of close friends thinned out over time: someone left, communication with someone was interrupted a long time ago. But the need for sincere and kind feelings remained, so it's time to expand your acquaintances in the hope of finding a soul mate.

Therefore, try to decide for what purpose you are trying to make new friendships. Looking for a friend to go shopping together? Or do you prefer other cultural events, the impressions of which you want to share with a like-minded person? Or maybe you are looking for a confidante for spiritual conversations? Take a closer look at your colleagues. Firstly, the existing service relations are always much easier to translate into a more personal sphere, and secondly, there is already something to discuss with colleagues, and in the course of the conversation there may be new points of contact.

In any case, you have to learn how to communicate and become cheerful person if up to this time in your life too much space has been devoted to despondency. It's time to realize that the world is not at all hostile and is ready to accept anyone who comes into it with positive attitude. Sociability and a cheerful disposition are sister virtues that occupy an honorable second step in the hit parade of values ​​that help in the conquest of human souls.

Agree that an optimistic Winnie the Pooh has much more chances to find a best friend than a depressed donkey. Mood is contagious. So it’s better to charge those around you with your own positive energy, and not look for those who want to complain with you about the unsightly realities of modern life. It may be necessary to rethink your beliefs about a half-empty glass and say to yourself: “Hey, stop moping! Life is too short to waste it whining!” A sense of humor is more valuable than banknotes, and a smile can melt an iceberg. Watch the expression on your face, because by this sign others judge you. Be cheerful, but without excesses, of course.

Much is said about the fact that the foundation of friendship is respect. And these are not empty words at all, if we are talking about real relationships, and not about their pale likeness. You have to pay attention to the interests of the one who is nearby. And learn self-respect, if so far this quality is unknown to you. You should not be friends with someone who stubbornly rejects an outstretched hand or, even worse, does not respect you or tramples on others. Firstly, there is nothing to be imposed, and secondly, close people should be chosen, and not accepted into their ranks by everyone, endlessly disappointed in the best feelings.

Friendship can be made in different ways, but in practice this phenomenon often begins with a shoulder substituted in time, because even a simple service can have the same effect as saving from the clutches of an angry leopard. Do not pass by the one who finds it difficult, and, perhaps, very soon you will find in his face loved one who will love you back.

It is likely that it will not be possible to do without expanding the circle own interests. Are you planning on getting a girlfriend? Have you already decided where exactly you will go together, go, how will you surprise and delight your new friend? The uninitiated idle expectation that someone will take responsibility for your well-being is doomed from the start. Friendship is impossible without partnership.

Rules of conduct for beginners

Absence a large number making friends for many people is often the result of a fear of being in the company of strangers. We are embarrassed to look ridiculous, to stand alone among a cheerful, many-voiced crowd with only one thought: “I want to go home!”. And why not just try to become one among strangers? So, if you want to change something in your life in positive side then try some tips and psychological tricks which are given below. They are quite simple and therefore suitable for all people, without exception, who want to find friends at a fairly adult age in order to get rid of the approaching loneliness.

1. Don't try to be better or worse than that who you really are. Avoid pretense and lies. Do not be afraid to have your own view on a particular issue and always find the strength to voice it.
2. Talk less and listen more. It is important to show genuine interest rather than politely nodding in response, especially when there is a diametrically opposed opinion.
3. If you're too shy, start small. Just say hello to a stranger walking towards you and smile.
4. Do not reproach yourself for awkward phrases in a conversation with strangers in a new company. Forgotten from excitement given name? Yes, and laugh at it first!
5. Don't expect to be immediately noticed: in adult society, it's so rare to meet a newcomer, unless he immediately starts to show himself in some very original way, for example, by performing a striptease. Therefore, just be patient and demonstrate your willingness to communicate with a smile and interest in a general conversation.
6. Do not take with you the load of the previous negative experience. Wouldn't it be better to just say to yourself: "I am so wonderful, witty and generally irresistible that I can easily win everyone's sympathy!"?
7. Learn to speak the right compliments. If you are interested in a book that one of your colleagues is reading, accompany your request to borrow it with not ingenuous admiration: “This is such interesting thing!”, but with a more cunning eyeliner: “You (you) have great taste!”. Such a veiled compliment will please a person, and he will happily continue communication.

The main thing to remember is that to make friends where easier themes who is not ashamed of himself. Confidence is generally a golden quality that can induce feats. No one will believe in someone who is not his own friend. If you have problems with this aspect of personal qualities, you can and even need to work on yourself. After all, the one who says many times: “I know what I want from life, I believe in my own strength and therefore I will definitely achieve what I want,” in the end, he will really convince himself of this and become interesting to others. We need friendship like air, and we should not listen to those who claim otherwise. Believe me, they are deceiving themselves!

People become socially active early childhood. Being small, it was not difficult to find a friend for yourself, because it was enough to come up, reach out and invite them to play together. But the older we get, the harder it is to open up and trust new people. Let's find out how to make friends if you are a very shy, insecure person.

Let's say you have recently become lonely, but at the same time you are open to communication and new acquaintances. As a rule, in such situations, a person begins to think about what kind of friend/partner he would like to meet on his way. For example, if you are a woman, then you probably have a small list in your head. Your person should be witty, smart, have a stable job, value a family and be willing to build one.

When you look at such a list, there is at least interest Ask- where to find such an ideal friend/partner? Then you either join the most relevant dating websites or, conversely, visit local interest groups to find exactly the right person who would fit all of the listed items from the list. So how do you make new friends? First of all, you need to understand what they should be. The list sets you up for the search, so even in a large crowd it is easier to find a good and faithful friend.

If you know who you are looking for, it becomes easier to find them.

This is the most important step in establishing friendly relations between adults. There are two mistakes people make when it comes to winning the hearts of new acquaintances:

• First, there is no need to rush. If it is bad to know a person, and he will get used to you, after certain period disappointment in him, breaking off such a relationship will be very difficult and painful.
• Secondly, there is little communication. It is like falling in love when people do not offer each other to become someone more, because both understand everything without words. But if you begin to doubt and convince yourself that your new acquaintances do not have time for you, then the unfinished spiritual bridge will quickly burn out.

Flirting helps you learn how to make friends. This great way check if the special chemistry between you. Flirting doesn't have to mean the beginning romantic relationship. fun game, mimicking each other, finding common themes and connecting to a single wave is only a small part of what should be between people who seek to find true friends.

This tip is perfect for parents who don't know how to help their child make friends. It is important that the child is socially active from early childhood. Parents should not forbid children to come into contact with other babies, but rather encourage openness and friendliness.

In no case should you humiliate your child, lowering his self-esteem each time. Instill in him love and kindness, educate him and show that not all people in this world are ready to be as open as he is.

When your child becomes older, he can be sent to any sports section, into artistic or music school for language courses. Where it's always focused a large number of children, it will be easier for your child to make friends. They will usually be combined common interests, which means that any acquaintance can develop into a good friendship and long-term relationship.

This advice also applies to adults who are looking for ways to make friends. If you feel like you have become lonely and you are sorely lacking in communication, then analyze your interests. Ask yourself questions and find out what you like best, how you would like to spend free time. If you like knitting, then sign up for specialized courses, join groups where you can consult with different people, share your work and learn something new. If you like to cook, then don't be afraid to improve your skill and invite new acquaintances to a dinner party.

If you want to learn how to make friends, then you have to leave your comfort zone and get out of the house. Of course, thanks to the era of the Internet, you can meet a thousand new faces, but even a few can hardly become real comrades for you.

A great way to make new friends is to become a volunteer. You can care for the elderly, veterans, people with disabilities, orphans, animals, environment. Most people are ready to help on a voluntary basis, realizing that they will get nothing for it, except for pleasure and self-satisfaction.

You will find new friends of interest, you just have to offer your help in various organizations. The main advantage of volunteering is that all participants try to become part of a huge family, so they often hold marathons, concerts, promotions, picnics and meetings.

Find with age mutual language it gets harder with strangers. Here are some tips to help you make friends:

• First, don't be afraid to talk to different people. When you are on the bus, waiting in line for a therapist, helping a girl who slipped on the ice to get up, always try to be open and self-confident.
• Secondly, feel free to keep up the conversation, discuss bad job utilities and a huge number of patients in the hospital. Often strangers themselves make contact, which often causes you only embarrassment.

Don't forget to look the person in the eye, don't look away. Don't panic if you start a casual conversation. Smile, take your time, do it deep breaths before you say something. The interlocutor will stop communicating with you if he notices that this conversation does not cause you satisfaction.

Certainly, good friend can be felt at the level of intuition, but knowledge of human psychology is still necessary. For example, Dale Carnegie's book How to Make Friends and Influence Others tells numerous stories of people who have tried to different methods find new friends. This book is an excellent tool for those who want to learn to listen and hear, not to strain during a conversation and stop being constrained, to become an excellent conversationalist and take a healthy interest in others.

Friendship is not only for sharing interesting stories over a cup of coffee. Strong ties with people are vital for every person. According to a Harvard University study, the absence of friendships increases the risk of premature death by 50% - the same as if you smoked 15 cigarettes daily.

Talking about your problems and making new friends becomes more difficult with age. But in fact, everything is very simple, you just need to understand what kind of friend you want to find.

Jan Yager, writer

The secret of friendship is simple: you need to be open to her. Here are six tips to help you make new friendships.

1. Be friendly

The first impression largely determines whether a person will continue to communicate with you or not. And the most important thing here is the facial expression. Think of the people you see every day at the store, at the airport, or in line for documents. If a person is frowning, frowning, not smiling, you are unlikely to want to exchange a few words with him. He just doesn't seem friendly, although he may well be.

A good-natured smile or just a polite nod of the head let others know that you are friendly and open to communication.

Another indicator of openness is . Most likely, you have something to tell, but do not forget that friendship is a mutual process, so do not dwell on yourself and listen to the other person with interest. It could very well be the start of a beautiful friendship.

2. Do what you enjoy

The best way to make new friends is to meet people with whom you have common interests. If you have a hobby that you usually do alone, think about where you can find like-minded people. Sign up for the sports section, join groups in in social networks, see where people with similar interests gather in your city.

There is nothing easier than starting a conversation about some things with a person who also likes them. When you meet someone with similar interests, exchange contacts and stay in touch.

3. Stay positive

A positive attitude is one of the most important requirements of friendship. It depends on him whether we will feel the desire to spend time with a person or not. Think about whether people like to communicate with you, and decide what you need to work on.

Simple rules: say "thank you", be supportive, ask questions, don't be secretive, smile.

People don't like being around negative people all the time. Researchers have found that when you say good things about someone, people tend to attribute those positive traits and you too. For example, if you tell a colleague that your boss is friendly and considerate, they are more likely to think that you are friendly and considerate. Conversely, if you complain that your boss is a narcissistic jerk, a colleague may notice some of these unpleasant qualities in you.

4. Don't wait for others to make the first move.

You may feel vulnerable when you walk towards another person. But it may turn out that he is even more withdrawn and it is not easy for him to establish contact with a stranger. So just talk. After all, what's the worst thing that can happen to you?

In a relationship, you need to not only take, but also give, help other people. And most of the things that we expect from friendship - trust, reliability, honesty - are built on reciprocity. Find out what others lack, help them, and they can see you as a potential friend.

Don't wait for things to happen by themselves. Be active, invite people over, offer to take a walk, and you'll be surprised how many people want to join you.

5. Keep in touch

Relationships depend on how much time you spend with. So think about how you will keep in touch. For example, before you leave the party, say that you liked everything and it would be nice to repeat, and offer to exchange numbers or add each other on social networks. The next day, you can thank the person for a nice time. Or later invite to a birthday party. Or somewhere else.

Be consistent. Agree, friendship is unlikely to work if you first have a good time, and then do not write or answer for a whole month.

6. Accept invitations even if you don't feel like it.

Those who make friends easily see any invitation as an opportunity to meet interesting people. So even if you don't feel like going anywhere, remember that the meeting can bring you something amazing. Try to get out of the house and meet interesting people.