Make the right contacts. How to make contacts that will be useful for business. Understand your social circles
If you have no work experience, or you have decided to change your field of activity, or have not worked for a long time due to various reasons, it probably seems to you that you have absolutely nothing to interest a potential employer. You feel like an impostor who will certainly be exposed and politely rejected.
Do not despair. There are several simple and working ways to attract the attention of the people you need, even if you have absolutely nothing to brag about.
Probe the soil
Communication is a two-way thing. Much depends not so much on your self-presentation, but on your desire to get to know your interlocutor as best as possible.
Meeting a potential employer is like a first date: on it you are just getting to know each other.
If it turns out that you are not suitable for each other at all, well, it’s good that you found out quickly. You can immediately start looking for someone more suitable.
Ask questions instead of paraphrasing your own. Think in advance about what is important to you and what is unacceptable in your future job. Be interested in the details of projects and company policies. It will feel awkward at first, but it will go away quickly.
Show genuine interest
Don't ask questions that can be answered with "yes," "no," or "I've been working for this company for three years." It's not data you need. You want a conversation that will be remembered.
Don't forget that every person, even the highest rank, wants to be heard and understood. The trouble is that in most cases we listen to our interlocutor in order to respond and say what we think. Suppress this desire and just listen.
When answering, repeat what you heard in other words and ask a new question.
From the moment you approach your interlocutor, he expects you to begin presenting yourself. When he sees that you are listening to him without trying to draw attention to himself, he will gratefully tell you everything you want.
Think about what you can offer your interlocutor
Even if you've never worked, you have something to offer. The main thing your future manager wants to know about you is how you can be useful. Therefore, do not start communicating with a potential employer by asking about salary and working conditions.
If he sees you as a worthy candidate and wants to get you on his team, you can probably negotiate acceptable terms. But first, think about what you can give to your employer.
Take your time and don't force yourself
If you succeed with the person you are interested in, do not start planning your further relationship and do not offer to meet tomorrow morning to continue the conversation. All that is required of you is to please here and now. This will work to your advantage in the future.
Don't show your strengths and weaknesses right away
In an effort to be liked, you don’t need to demonstrate all your advantages at once. Your interlocutor will mentally compare himself with you, and he will not be very pleased to lose in this comparison.
It’s also not worth rushing to the other extreme and demonstrating self-doubt. Just don’t hide the fact that you would like to improve your skills and learn something new.
By admitting your weaknesses, you give your opponent the right to his own imperfections. You will both relax and your conversation will become more casual.
Even if you don't have the most impressive resume, don't despair. Your desire to work and grow is much more important.
Instructions
The most important thing is don’t sit at home and don’t be sour alone, because there are so many interesting places around - theaters, cinemas, exhibitions, concerts, museums, cafes, public holidays, etc. and so on. Make it a rule to spend time around people, and very soon you will realize that it has become much easier for you to get started.
While you have not yet become a dating expert, go out more often with a friend or someone who has no problems with communication. Firstly, through it it will be easier for you to meet new people, and secondly, you will look at it and adopt the “secrets of mastery”.
Learn to smile, and it’s better to do it not once or twice a day, but constantly. If the habit of smiling becomes second nature, you will come across as an open and friendly person, and people will be eager to get to know you.
When communicating, direct your attention to the interlocutor, and do not think about whether you are speaking or doing the right thing. Forget about your fears and complexes. Start communicating with strangers with small and general phrases, but gradually expand their range. If you take small steps gradually, then soon you will completely stop being afraid of making acquaintances.
Compliments are an important element. Getting to know you will leave a person with the most pleasant impressions if you show him something pleasant. At the same time, try to say what you really like, and don’t force yourself to give a compliment.
Don't be afraid to take the initiative in communicating with new acquaintances. Invite them to go for a walk, invite them to the movies or to nature. Act more boldly, and soon you will easily make any acquaintances.
Video on the topic
On the Internet you can not only listen to music, watch movies, read books, but also meet people. Social networks, dating sites, thematic forums and online games - the list can be endless. But for successful dating, you need to properly introduce yourself.
You will need
- - computer;
- - Internet connection;
- - your digital photos.
Instructions
The first thing social network users pay attention to when they visit your page is your photos. It is best if they are taken by a professional photographer. When filling out albums, follow the main principle - better little, but high quality. Therefore, do not add blurry photos, with red eyes, bags and bruises under the eyes and other photos that do not impress people. Pay special attention to the background. Do not post photos against the backdrop of a dirty entrance, untidy, or after a stormy feast. These images will cause nothing but disgust. But you shouldn’t embellish yourself too much in photographs, otherwise, when you meet in person, your interlocutor may be disappointed.
Try to write correctly. Don't use too many emoticons or exclamation points. It is best to leave the personal information column untouched. Reviews that are too good can raise suspicions of lying, while reviews that are too bad can scare off a potential friend.
Before meeting the person you like, carefully study his page. Look at what he likes, which writers inspire respect, and go through his musical tastes.
The first message is the most important. Be original, but not too much. Write to him where you found his account and why he interested you. Don't write too much and don't include links in your message. A person may mistake you for a spammer.
Based on a couple of messages with a person, you can already determine his attitude towards you. The most important thing is the spark. And it doesn’t matter where it slips – in real life or in virtual life. And if she slipped through, then good or strong love cannot be avoided.
Video on the topic
Finding a partner for a serious relationship is sometimes a very difficult task. Desperate to meet a suitable person in the usual way, some people turn to dating sites, because the choice there is much wider, and chance plays a lesser role.
Work on your profile
The rule that an impression of a person is formed in the first few seconds seems doubtful to almost no one. But with your profile the situation is exactly the same! You have a few seconds during which a potential candidate will evaluate your page and decide whether to write to you.
Think about how to make your page title interesting and powerful. Fill in your information to make it impressive. Phrases suitable for a school essay will be superfluous if you are looking for a serious relationship. The information should reveal you in the most interesting way. According to psychologists' studies, the most successful people in dating create their profiles by thinking about the ideal relationship from their point of view. This influences the direction of your thoughts and how you answer the survey questions.
On the other hand, excessive details are also useless. Sometimes it is useful to maintain some mystery by writing that you will tell the details in person.
Photo
It is best to add not one, but several photos to your profile. Don't be the first to show off your great figure. Add pictures that tell about your hobbies.
Be honest. Don't hang up other people's photos or those in which you look completely different from how you do now.
Communication and meeting
Before meeting with the selected candidate, try to communicate with him via chat. This short conversation will already allow you to weed out people who are unlikable to you and with whom it is difficult to talk.
Don't be afraid to tell people no. Don't date someone just to be polite. When you are looking for a partner for a serious relationship, you should not hesitate and be distracted by those who are obviously not suitable for you.
It is best to have a first date in a cafe. Meeting over a cup of coffee, on the one hand, does not oblige you to anything, but on the other hand, it can serve as a promising start for anything.
Dating on the site: are there any prospects?
If you start creating a profile with a feeling of hopelessness, not believing that this option will work, then, sadly, you really have little chance. There is no need to despair. The mood in which you write about yourself and fill out your profile will also affect the attention that suitable partners will give you.
According to statistics, at least 20% of successful couples who register their relationship met on the Internet. These figures vary slightly in different countries, but the number of successful online dating is growing every year. It is quite possible that your case will add to this happy statistic.
Video on the topic
Related article
Tip 4: How to meet a girl on a dating site
Dating sites and apps have become a part of our lives, but many people still get confused and end up coming to the mistaken conclusion that online dating is not for them. These tips will help you meet a girl on a dating site and not be disappointed.
What is the key skill for a new leader? But it’s not what you thought – first of all, he should be able to make useful connections. You may ask, why waste energy and time on empty troubles? The answer is simple: either you acquire the necessary acquaintances, or continuous failures await you. An article from the new issue of HBR-Russia will tell you what useful connections are and how to make them correctly.
As a rule, people who rise up the career ladder know their business well and know how to achieve results from their subordinates. When one day they go beyond the boundaries of their department and are faced with business problems as a whole, they do not immediately understand that the most important thing is not to master systems analysis methods, but to learn how to establish connections and maintain relationships. Meeting with people who are interested in their projects or may be involved in them in the future is not a waste of time that distracts from the “real business”, but the most important job, the essence of their new responsibilities.
Most newly-minted bosses consider building connections with the “right” people to be of little respect, they say, at best, such communication is outwardly the most decent way to use a person in their own interests. It is not surprising that only a few easily make acquaintances; most newcomers have a hard time overcoming this prejudice. But there is nowhere to go: either a person acquires useful connections, or complete failures await him: he either will not be promoted to a leadership position, or he will not fit into it.
As we watched executives take on this daunting task, we realized that there are three types of social networks: workers, personal And strategic. The first help in current affairs, the second are needed for personal development, the third - to enter new areas of business and people who would be good to attract to new projects.
Work connections
Managers must maintain good business relationships with everyone on whom the results of their work depend to some extent - this is their work social network. Many can boast of a huge number of business acquaintances, because the work network includes not only subordinates and bosses, but also colleagues, authoritative employees who can block or, conversely, support the project; clients, etc. People working together need to get used to each other - and then mutual trust will appear between them. This task is not as simple as it seems, but at least it is clear with whom you need to be “friends”. You need to include in your network everyone who can do the work and who is needed for the success of the business - the criterion that determines membership in the work network is completely unambiguous.
The mistake most managers make is to rely on the people they work with day in and day out. It’s good to solve specific problems with them, but not to chart a strategic course. After all, even informal working relationships are tied to short-term goals. The potential of a work network depends on the mutual understanding and mutual trust of its members. But any, even the strongest working relationship is unlikely to help the manager reach a new level - after all, these contacts are focused on current problems.
Personal connections
When a newly minted manager finally realizes that being fixated on his department will not lead to good, he begins to look for like-minded people on the side. And then it becomes clear to him how imperfect his ideas about business are and how undeveloped his social skills are, in particular, that he knows little about other professional fields. Because of this, it is difficult for him to find a common language with people with whom he is not involved in daily work. You definitely need to broaden your horizons; for this you should join a professional association or club, for example. This is how a network of personal acquaintances is formed.
Many managers are perplexed: why waste precious time on all this fuss, since it has no direct relation to work? It's simple: new people can recommend you to someone, open up new horizons for you, teach you something and help with advice. Thanks to personal acquaintances, a person not only develops himself, but also acquires strategic connections.
Most often, we make friends outside of work: we look for those with whom we have something in common. And they can already connect us with the right people, and in this sense, personal social networks have considerable potential. And the value of our contacts is determined by how many people we can reach the one we need.
Strategic connections
When a young manager who previously managed a small department is promoted to a higher position, he has to readjust himself - learn to think strategically. What contribution he personally will make to the common cause largely depends on how he builds relationships with other leaders and what place he takes in the strategic network with its extensive system of connections and information exchange.
Someone who comes up with ideas for the entire company, not just their department, can influence many different people in terms of profession, position, experience, goals, and motivations. In order to “sell” these ideas to management and achieve their goals, you need to join coalitions and press all available levers.
A true leader differs from an ordinary leader in that he knows where to go and knows how to gather the right people under his banner. Winning influential employees over to his side, surrounding himself with loyal followers, feeling the situation in his gut, bringing the right people together - all this is an integral part of his work. But not every beginner understands this. As someone grows in their career, realizing their increasing dependence on others, they try to make others dependent on themselves.
People who masterfully establish strategic connections not only influence their environment, but actively shape it: they select and transfer their subordinates to key positions, find new sources of funding, provide patronage to the right people when hiring, and even reshuffle boards of directors for the sake of success. business. It is not easy for a young leader to acquire strategic connections - it takes a lot of time and effort, and there is barely enough of it anyway. But retribution for such myopia comes at the most inopportune moment - when a malfunction occurs in the work of their unit. This is where they need to call for help from outside, but they, as a rule, try to save the situation on their own, and it is clear that during an emergency they have no time for “idle” communication. The trick is not to isolate yourself in your working network, but to gradually add new links and turn it into a strategic one.
Just do it
Relationships with people need to be nurtured and cherished, otherwise they will wither. It's real work, sometimes quite hard. What can you do to make it bring both pleasure and benefit? Change your settings. Often managers brush off the problem: “I already have enough to do.” Some people think that traveling at the expense of acquaintances is indecent. Be that as it may, if a novice manager does not understand that building relationships with people is one of the key aspects of a new job, he does not devote enough time and effort to this and, therefore, cuts the branch on which he is sitting. The ability to make and maintain connections, treating people with respect, and not manipulating them like pawns in your game, is a matter of common sense and intuition. Much can be learned by looking and listening to those who are especially gifted with this talent.
Build connections within the organization through “external” acquaintances. Making strategically important contacts is not at all easy, because there is not always a “natural” reason for communicating with a person from another department, if he also occupies a higher position than you. When there is no common task or excuse for meetings, create one yourself.
Take the time to communicate. If a young manager does not learn to delegate part of his responsibilities to his subordinates, he will always find a good reason to evade communication, formal and informal, with colleagues from other departments, because this really takes time away from work. But the less often we train in some activity, the worse it is for us. This creates a vicious circle.
Keep your connections updated. If you have created a large database of business contacts and constantly update your phone book, this does not mean that you have an extensive social network. Many people start with this, but then things stall - it turns out to be difficult to maintain an acquaintance over the phone. Therefore, the majority come to their senses only when thunder strikes and the right person is needed, as they say, desperately. But communication virtuosos act differently. They grab every opportunity to remind themselves, to receive or give advice to friends.
To reap a good harvest, you need to tirelessly cultivate the soil. The same is true in relationships with people. They don’t forget about us as long as we are visible and heard. Don’t be afraid to ask for a small favor once again, take the initiative yourself - bring together people who, in your opinion, can be useful to each other. Do something, no matter what. The main thing is not to let your connections rust, make people believe that getting to know you is useful for them.
To create a reliable social network, you need not so much to be able to do it as to want to do it. When the first efforts do not bring quick results, many give up. Then comes the hasty conclusion: this job is not for them. But in fact, you don’t need any special innate talents, and you don’t have to be an overly sociable extrovert. This is a skill, and it is developed through constant training.
You can't become a true leader without going beyond your work network. The budding leader must weave his own strategic network, including people who are not related to his profession or business and do not work in his company. Such a transition - from work in a specialty that brings quick practical results, to such an ephemeral activity as communication - is easy for few people. You have to rethink your tasks and build relationships in accordance with your new status. The young leader must realize that in his new role he is simply obliged to form a wide circle of acquaintances, which means that he must devote as much time and effort to this work as necessary to get a return.
Erminia Ibarra - Professor, Head of the Department of Organizational Behavior at INSEAD International Business School (Fontainebleau, France); runs a program for managers transitioning to senior management positions. Her latest book, “Finding Self. Extraordinary Strategies that Change Your Career,” was published in Russian translation in 2005. Mark Hunter is a journalist, a teacher at INSEAD, where he teaches courses in communications, and the author of the book “The Passions of Men. Work and Love in the Age of Stress" (Putnam, 1988).
1. Don't be afraid to talk to strangers
Talking to someone you like can be truly scary. Suddenly you seem boring, say something stupid, or are simply ignored, thinking that you are not important enough to waste time on you. Psychologists call this fear of rejection. To cope with it, they advise you to relax and think that no matter how important this conversation may seem to you now, your interlocutor is unlikely to remember it for a long time and will not attach much importance to it if it is not very successful.
They also recommend practicing talking to strangers in situations in which you are virtually immune to rejection. For example, when you are a client. You can talk to sellers and bartenders without fear of being rude in return, because being nice to you is their job. In addition, many of them have not heard a kind word from a client for a long time.
2. Start with common places
Psychologist Carol Fleming came up with the so-called ARE (Anchor, Reveal, Encourage) method, which helps you painlessly start a conversation with a stranger. The first thing to do is to find something that unites you and your interlocutor. The simpler and more obvious the topic, the better. For example, you can complain about bad weather or a long line at the bar.
At the next stage, you need to tell something personal about yourself that can give the interlocutor a clue for further development of the conversation. For example, you could say that you know the event organizer or that bad weather caused you to miss your run this morning. If you decide to tell us where you work, tell us what you usually do. After establishing contact, you should engage the interlocutor in the conversation by asking him a question - most importantly, not too personal. You can ask what brought the person to this event, whether he likes it here, and so on.
3. Think about topics in advance
To choose a topic for conversation, you can rely on the so-called FORD rule. This is an abbreviation for the words family, profession, recreation, dreams. Light, unobtrusive topics are the basis of a short conversation. Come up with a few questions for yourself on each topic and use them whenever necessary. Experts advise avoiding such difficult situations when dating. and controversial topics like politics, religion and childhood memories. An ideal conversation should consist of short statements and questions, so that on average each person speaks for an equal amount of time.
The main thing is to constantly offer your partner a topic with which he could work. Don't worry if it takes you a few tries to find a topic that interests your interlocutor. Don't get stuck on one topic, let the conversation flow smoothly from one area to another. And remember that you don't have to be a star and say something amazing all the time. Use words associated with sensations: “see”, “imagine”, “feel”. This will put the person in a special mood; it will be easier for him to open up and relax in your presence.
4. Ask open-ended questions
To feel more confident, do your homework - prepare for the event by reading about the people who will be there, checking the latest news to find potential talking points. When asking questions to your interlocutor, remember a few rules. First, they should be fairly simple. Secondly, the questions should be such that they cannot be answered in monosyllables, yes and no.
Remember that the first conversation is intended to establish an informal relationship, and not to resolve business issues or sell your services. It is much more pleasant to do business with a person whose company you enjoy. You can only talk about your product or service if the interlocutor asks you about it. To ensure that your answer doesn't change the overall tone of the conversation too much, prepare a short, informal story at home about your company, such as what projects you've recently completed or what clients you've worked with.
5. Watch your behavior
When you start a conversation, it doesn't really matter what you say. An open posture (turning the body and head towards the interlocutor, open palms, uncrossed legs) and a friendly tone at the first stage are more important than the meaning of the words spoken. You don't have to be witty and come up with unusual conversation starters. Your task is simply to show the person that you will be pleased to talk with him, that you are generally interested in him.
Don't talk with a bored expression on your face, don't take out your phone, but don't overdo it either: the person will be uncomfortable if you stand too close, look at him too closely and tell him too much personal information.
6. Say nice things
Everyone loves to hear compliments addressed to them. The problem is that along with hidden joy, people simultaneously feel awkward and do not know how to react correctly. To prevent this from happening, psychologist Susan Kraus advises diluting the compliment with a quick transition to another topic.
For example: “I really like your dress, it suits you very well. How do you like this party? The point is that following a compliment with a question neutralizes the feeling of awkwardness. At the moment of acquaintance, it is best to look a person in the eyes for a short time, and then look away. This also helps to establish contact that does not cross the boundaries of personal space. Experts advise looking up at your interlocutor about once every five seconds. If you look at it closely without distraction, the person will feel uncomfortable.
7. Summarize the conversation
Mentally practice options for ending the conversation. Let your interlocutor know that for some reason you will need to leave, using the wording “Sorry, I need to.” For example, you can say that you saw an acquaintance whom you have not seen for a long time, or you want to grab something to eat because you are very hungry. Express your gratitude for the interesting conversation by briefly summarizing what you discussed. For example: “It was very cool talking with you, I will definitely read the book that you advised." At the end, you can suggest exchanging contacts...
Navigation for the training “I don’t communicate much (part 1): how to make friends and get people to like you?”:
How to find and make friends?
In our modern world, many people feel lonely.
Even in a situation where there is a family, good relationships with relatives, a person needs something else - the opportunity to communicate with someone outside the family, receive new sources of vitality and inspiration, share their joys, successes, sorrows and doubts, to be understandable, or be able to do something together that for some reason cannot be done together with your husband/wife, children or other relatives.
All this is a world of friendship, camaraderie, communication, the essence of which is the pleasure of communication itself, of joint activities, common interests and the opportunity to discuss your life, including your personal life.
We sometimes need these “windows to the world” for many reasons - to be able to take a break from our family, to be able to hear some independent opinion on issues of concern, to get help in case of difficulties. And perhaps most important: understanding and support are what we can and want to receive in friendship.
However, people often complain about the inability to build their circle of friends or at least good friends. Who and what is blamed for this - the disunity of the modern world, the lack of specific places where one could meet interesting people, one’s own shyness when making acquaintances, lack of time and a frantic pace.
And yet, there are people who know how to make friends, given the same amount of time, living in the same world as the rest, with the same rhythm and the same rules. What is their secret? You and I will try to figure it out.
Question " how to make friends“includes a lot - where and how to look for potentially interesting people, how to establish contact, establish dialogue, how to maintain and develop your friendship. But we will start with the most important thing - with you.
Part 1. “How can I make people like me?” or I MYSELF as the correct filter
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About the author:
There is such a prayer: “Lord, give me the strength to change what I can change, humility to accept what I cannot change, and wisdom to distinguish one from another.” This is exactly what you do when working together with a psychologist: looking for resources where change is possible, acceptance and humility where they are not yet possible, and self-awareness to distinguish one from the other. The psychologist acts as a mirror in this work, helping you understand yourself. And the one who can give you strength and everything else is inside you.
