A shy man is in love with the way he behaves. Rules for communicating with a modest guy: how to win and keep him

For some reason, it is generally accepted that shyness and shyness are typically girlish traits. This decorates many girls, but for others it interferes with their lives, it all depends on their lifestyle and standard of living. But how many young people suffer from this “disease”? Men aged 18 to 30 years old very often turn to me for advice: - “How to get rid of shyness and self-consciousness?”

Basically, these are problems of communicating with the opposite sex, associated with a terrible embarrassment to meet, approach and talk to the girl you like. If in everyday life, at university or at work they somehow adapt to avoid “ sharp corners” when communicating with people, trying not to draw attention to themselves, and even then, only because they are already familiar, then when contacting an unfamiliar woman it can be very difficult for them. Incredible shyness and shyness prevent you from taking a step forward. At this moment, the fear of being funny, awkward and uninteresting paralyzes and fetters a person, even more generating self-doubt and dissatisfaction with oneself.

Why is a person like this? This is either an innate character trait, or a problem in upbringing, when one of the parents was too strict and demanding of the child, thus introducing him into inferiority complexes from childhood. In any case, if a young man wants to be more courageous and open to new acquaintances, he must try to change himself. Although many women like men who are modest and quiet, because, as a rule, such people are very subtle and sensitive, simple-minded and unpretentious. And these are very valuable qualities; girls will be happy to meet such a guy. He just needs to overcome his fear of taking the first step, to overcome it.

First, figure out what character traits you don’t like. If it's shyness, then try to work on it. For example, every day talk to a completely unknown girl, ask how to get somewhere, how much a ticket costs, where the nearest stationery store is. You can simply smile when you meet your gaze. Improvise!

Under no circumstances should you be ashamed of your own appearance. For a man, this is not the main advantage. You can go to the salon and have it done fashionable haircut, dress neatly and preferably visit a sports club.

Try to communicate with girls in your circle and social status. As a rule, these are also modest and timid girls. Look for a girl like you, she will never be able to “make you blush” or put you in an awkward position.

Do not hide your emotions and feelings, within reasonable limits, of course. Learn to give compliments. Start with your mother, sister, work colleague.

Don’t invent an idol for yourself, don’t look up to any celebrity, no matter how significant she is, don’t put anyone above yourself.

The main thing is to love and respect yourself! Otherwise, how will others love you? Become, first of all, significant to yourself personally. Be proud of yourself and your positive character traits. Every day, instill confidence and determination, self-belief and strength of character!

If you are not able to cope with shyness and shyness on your own, you can or.

Do you like a shy guy? Yes, at first it may be difficult to talk to you, but just remember that behind the wall of silence there is a person just like you. You just have to get past that barrier and you'll find that you love what's behind it. Remember that most shy people don't open up right away. Following these points is unlikely to achieve results within a few days, so be prepared to spend a little time and effort to get him to open up to you.

Steps

Walk up to him in passing and strike up a small conversation. Remember: as already said, shy people are just like everyone else; they won't run away if you do quick action. Small talk is generally more objective and can consist of topics such as the weather, teachers, something in the news, etc. If he really likes you, he won't be able to stop thinking about you.

Try talking to him several times a week. By talking to him a few times a week, you can build a connection and he may start to break down his wall for you. After a small conversation, you should start moving towards more personal topics: family, travel, plans for summer rest, his hobbies and other casual but personal topics.

Check his feelings and hint that you like him. After you've chatted for a while, take the conversation to a more personal level. Perhaps talk about what each of you looks for in people, and hint that he is exactly the one you are looking for.

After some time, make physical contact, but make sure he is okay with it. You don't need to ask him how he feels about being touched, just do it once and watch his reaction. A touch or pat on the shoulder will do. If you think he doesn't like it, refrain from touching him until you're sure he's more comfortable with you. If you see that he doesn't mind, you can continue to touch from time to time. Don't go too far; hugs (when needed), light touches on his arm and pats on the shoulder are just what is needed.

Invite him somewhere. It's better to do it in private and one-on-one. And don't even think about asking around close friends, otherwise he might feel awkward, as if he's being forced to say yes. You want him to say yes because he wants it, not because he has to. He may also say no if he feels pressured, so be careful.

If he agrees, keep the meeting simple. Hike to public places, most likely, not for him at all. Offer to watch a movie at your house (although he may be afraid of meeting your parents) or something else away from people. You can also suggest going to a quiet place for lunch to eat and chat.

Each person has his own “I”. If necessary, find a way to improve his self-esteem. Make him feel comfortable with you.

Make him feel competent by asking him to help with something. This could be problems around the house or a request for advice on where to buy the latest gadget. Anything as long as it works.

Be genuinely interested in him. Because modest guys are guys too! Find out what hobbies or interests he has. Or talk about common interests. DON'T PRETEND TO LIKE SOMETHING! But ask open questions about his interests. This will help position you as a good listener, try to get to know him better and you will have a much better experience. less chance say something stupid (if you did say it, like 99% of us do, forgive yourself).

Be responsive and attractive, but not too stunning or vulgar, so as not to turn him off. Most guys prefer cute girls to chic girls because they think they are very beautiful girls not in their category. This directly applies to shy guys who don't have enough confidence to make the first move. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to look very, very, very stunning. But don't pay too much attention to it. This is not the time for new fashions or excessive makeup.

1. Throw a small party, inviting a few people you know he'll feel comfortable with. Have fun, play games to break the ice, stuff like that.

   • You don't need to put on a thick layer of makeup to impress him. Good conversation and building rapport will impress him much more, but if you still think you need to put on makeup, he's not worth it. The guys you want to date should like you for who you are.
   • Try to become his friend first. Shy guys would rather like a girl who is close to them than an inaccessible one who keeps her distance.
   • He may be intimidated by the group of friends that surround him, which will reduce your chances of him approaching you. If you are going to approach him yourself, do it when you are alone. Most likely, this will make him feel comfortable.
   • Find something to praise about him. Flattery works wonders... the main thing is to do it unobtrusively and sincerely.
   • One truly sincere compliment on a place can make all the difference in the progress of your relationship.
   • A shy guy may not show his interest when talking to you, but keep trying.
   • Make sure he is comfortable with your actions. If you try to jump from a simple conversation to a personal one, and the transition seems too fast for him, he will begin to feel uncomfortable, and you may push him away. You should only move on to personal topics when you see that he is comfortable talking to you.
   • If you want him to invite you somewhere, try to become friends with him so that he feels comfortable being around you, but not too close. He wants to see you as a mystery that he dreams of solving.

   Warnings

   • Don't be surprised if you get a short answer; Shy people are often taciturn.
   • First of all, DO NOT flirt or date other guys unless he knows and/or approves of it; it can also completely break his confidence and he will feel rejected. Shy guys are almost always emotionally sensitive.
   • A modest guy may have low self-esteem. Don't leave him immediately after you get him, otherwise you may completely destroy his self-confidence and trust in people who will try to treat him well.
   • When starting a conversation after you've become friends, choose topics about things he likes, such as games or sports and the like.
   • Shy people can be intimidated by public places.
   • Don't be annoying or clingy.
   • Don't count on intimacy just yet.
   • Don't play team games, since a modest guy will be depressed and closed.

The image of a real man modern society, is drawn quite clearly as a self-confident, brutal, fearless, cold-blooded, assertive “macho”, whom no woman can resist. Therefore, if a person is timid, shy, self-conscious, unsure of himself, then this man is not real. But is this really so, and what is better without special effort start a relationship with an alpha male, or use all your charm and subtle understanding of individual psychology to win the heart of a shy guy? Let's figure it out.

There can be many reasons why a person became so insecure and withdrawn: in childhood he had tough parents who did not give necessary support, and the child felt a lack of attention, a bad experience in a relationship with a woman, a fear of not being liked and being ridiculed. Because of this, he withdraws into himself, hides in his shell to protect himself from possible failure.

Relationship with a shy man

Women very rarely fall in love with modest men, who from the outside seem not very attractive: they are constantly embarrassed, blush, slouch, say something stupid, or are completely silent. But in fact, these are subtle and sensitive natures, possessing a number of positive qualities such as delicacy, kindness, responsiveness, sincerity, willingness to help. Such people are usually unobtrusive, polite, tolerant, and unable to offend with a bad word or deed. In addition, they are often not spoiled by female attention. Modest people, as a rule, value their lovers and value their relationships with them.

Is it worth taking the initiative in a relationship?

Many women don't know how to start a relationship with shy man, since it is quite difficult for them to determine the intentions of a modest guy, and it is not clear: he does nothing because he is shy, or he simply does not need anything. In this case, you need to compare how he behaves in the company of friends and what happens to him alone with a woman. If behavior changes noticeably, nervous laughter appears, timidity increases, and “inhibition” increases—this is sure sign that I liked the girl.

It is also necessary to pay attention to body language, the frequency of glances directed at you. The main thing is to determine in a relationship with this modest fellow. If a woman has to take the first step, then it should be secretly, because excessive pressure can scare him away.

How to start a relationship with a shy man

The surest way to start a relationship with a shy man is to make friends with him, get to know him better, find him, be sweet, attentive, kind. Not bad to use for getting closer social media, because it is much easier to overcome shyness virtually than in real world. Shy people look for a friend in a partner, a person who always supports and understands. A person is always attracted to someone like himself, therefore, a woman needs to be modest, shy, next to the same man.

At the same time, we should not forget about the usual feminine charms. Serve different nonverbal cues, let the guy know that you care about him and you are ready for something more than friendship. Especially you. If everything is done correctly, then the reserved, shy guy will feel relaxed next to you, open up, relax, and you will get a partner who will envelop your beloved girl with attention and love.

Every woman wants a man with an inner core. Morally strong, purposeful, leader in family and business, a real tiger! Well, what can a notorious and insecure nerd give? Never mind!

But we will give ratings later, when we try to look into the soul of such a modest person. And looking in, we’ll determine how to behave with this shy person with a blush of embarrassment on her cheeks? Is it possible to stir him up at all?

How to understand his inner world

Have you ever had to wash a crystal vase with the thinnest walls? Very painstaking and dangerous job. One careless movement and the vase will be shattered. It is almost impossible to clean it from the inside. And it’s scary to touch the cut - you can damage it. But the vase is terribly expensive.

It’s the same with the soul of a modest silent person. You can’t get inside, don’t touch its weak points, and if you handle it carelessly, you can break it in an instant. She is very thin, despite the external bearish unsociability of her owner.

All indecisive silent people are introverts. It is difficult for such a guy to contact people, he is closed and prefers to live in his own small world. He leaves all his doubts and worries within himself, well... as a last resort will tell you about them himself to a close friend or a person he trusts.

What such a person cannot stand:

• noisy parties with killer pandemonium;
• work in large team with hassle;
• getting into his personal space and soul.

No, he doesn’t look like the lone Neanderthal from the cave. He just likes to spend holidays in narrow circle loved ones. And to work, he needs maximum concentration. He also has a clear boundary between strangers and his own people, and he does not like it when it is violated.

Most often, such people are divided into two psychotypes:

Phlegmatic: very balanced, patient and taciturn. No, he is not a mean-spirited beech, he just rather likes to listen to his counterpart and in his mind draw conclusions about him and the situation as a whole. In general, phlegmatic people are pleasant and friendly people— they can be trusted, and they know how to keep secrets.

Melancholic: it is more difficult to communicate with him. His vulnerable soul painfully tolerates any criticism addressed to him from a stranger. He, unlike a phlegmatic person, practically does not understand jokes. Even because of a harmless joke, a melancholic person will go looking for a dark corner to cry there alone.

In general, this is the most basic thing you need to know about shy people. And now we will think about how, when communicating with such a person, we will not accidentally break his soul vase. Especially if you liked him or you feel that he is in love with you.

Attitude towards women and getting to know them

Such men avoid nightclubs, discos and do not attend noisy parties. But those who are already ripe for starting a family will look for their woman either on the Internet or hope for a casual acquaintance.

Matchmaking is not for him, since it is a difficult test: realizing that such a meeting is not accidental, the modest man will be ready to burn with shame:

He will turn beet red at any awkward question.

It will be difficult for him to communicate casually and without nervousness.

Indecision will be noticeable in everything, because this is not a bride’s show, but his own. It’s a pity that it’s impossible for him to fall through the ground at this time, but he would like to!

If you want to meet such a guy, then let it be supposedly by chance. Well, a friend dropped by to see her sister, or to some company unmarried girl they invited her because she had no one to celebrate the holiday with.

And if such a modest guy is looking for a girl for himself, then she will definitely be the same as himself. Bitches, fools and hysterics are immediately dismissed. Although the guy feels his inferiority complex, he is not going to complicate his life.

The article contains a video from the film “Where Nophelet Is.” This story clearly shows the type of men who like shy simpletons.

How to communicate with someone like this

Don't try to figure out a shy person during your first conversation or date. In general, you may have the feeling that you are communicating with some kind of abnormal outcast: he seems to be an adult man, but he is so afraid of girls.

The fact is that a shy person really avoids visual contact. Perhaps his complexness is hidden in some external data:

• he is too thin or, conversely, very plump;
• he has speech impediments that are noticeable when speaking;
• he is not as handsome as he would like.

But with all this, he is not prone to self-criticism. Women also have this fad, as in the article in the story about Natalya.

But there are also internal complexes:

He experienced mental trauma as a child: bad family, fighting poverty, bullying teenagers.

He is not as successful, lucky and rich as his peers, no matter how much he strives for it.

He has already been unlucky in love once: once upon a time a girl laughed at his feelings.

Well, now about the essence: how a modest man behaves when talking to a woman and what rules must be followed:

Never ask a shy person about his personal life, if you barely know him. There is a limit where he will not let you go. He will either withdraw into himself or answer vaguely and briefly.

Don’t even think about looking closely at him from the top of his head to his shoes. He regards this look as an execution. He is embarrassed, he twitches and will look for a reason to leave. It is enough to casually look into his eyes during a conversation.

Be careful with humor - this may be his weak point. Since vulnerability is in a modest person’s blood, he can take your jokes, even about another person, personally. Even a joke about a bun will offend him if the guy is overweight.

Never try to argue or be rude with him. He cannot respond to rudeness with rudeness - he becomes withdrawn, embarrassed, lost, and feels guilty. If his indecisiveness pisses you off, then why are you even talking to him? This is not the hero of your novel.

Indeed, a timid and unsociable modesty is always only for amateurs. But he also has the right to choose the lady of his heart. He will find her when he is interested in even being silent next to her. But if you desperately need such a guy, then this article will help you with this. Then change yourself for his sake.

Chatting in Internet

This option is for shy guy the best, but only in correspondence, not via video. Here it can somehow reveal itself:

• he is not bombarded with piercing glances;
• he can leave the computer at any time;
• no one sees how he blushes and is shy;
• he may not answer uncomfortable questions;
• he can reflect his thoughts in emoticons.

It’s when he sees a girl that he gets shy, but here he’s an invisible man. Even if you sit naked in front of the monitor, there is nothing to be ashamed of. But when meeting, he may again become tense. And this will continue until he lets you through his invisible border.

If he likes you

But until he let you into his circle of trust, he will be stone-faced, even if he is in love with you. Yes, you can only guess about it from his strange behavior, or someone will tell you that in your presence the guy changes. The same redness on the cheeks, the same trembling in the voice. He may even clumsily demonstrate his indifference to you. But this is not so, he just feels both fear and love for you at the same time.

My only big request is not to hurt his soul even more, whether you like him or not. He himself probably doesn’t even dream of a relationship with you, your flight is too high. But in any case, be extremely polite and tactful with such a guy. Let him count on at least a sweet friendship with you.

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You could get any man and have ideal relationship and I would hardly read this article now in search of a solution to my problem.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate psychological sciences, and her technique has helped many girls find ideal relationships and feel loved.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.

We overheard what dating experts advise girls to ease the awkwardness of dealing with a guy who is speechless when he sees you.

1. Girls overestimate the intelligence of guys.

If you saw someone you liked in a club or at a concert and smiled at him, letting him know that you would like to meet him, he may think that you smiled at anyone but him.

(Although it also happens the other way around: you shoot at young man a cigarette - and he conspiratorially whispers to a friend: “Got it, right? She wants me! No, honey, I just wanted a cigarette.)

What to do? Be more direct. Come and speak. After half an hour, he will begin to suspect that you were not smiling at his neighbor at the bar.

2. Girls underestimate guys' indecisiveness.

If he spoke to you, it’s probably for a reason. Either he liked you, or he's really looking for a way to get to the library at three in the morning.

What to do? If the guy is nice, but confused and doesn’t know what else to say, and clearly doesn’t want to leave you and is hesitating, help him, give him a topic. For example, ask a question about him: does he come here often? What does he do?

3. A good first date is short.

If you decide to spend time together for the first time, don’t make plans that will take a lot of time: you may not like each other, and it will be awkward for both of you to leave early.

What to do? It’s safer to just agree to drink coffee and chat a little, for example. If everything goes wrong, you won’t have to suffer all evening. If mutual interest flares up, you’ll chat to your heart’s content. Again, there is less chance that one of you, out of excitement, will have time to blurt out something stupid that will disappoint the other. If both of you don’t want to part at all, it’s up to you to come up with something on the fly.

4. Don't judge him harshly.

If you generally like him, but he made a small mistake - he made an awkward joke or got too carried away by listing the names of the players of his favorite team - give him a chance. Most people experience excitement in the company of the person they are attracted to.

What to do? Give it a discount.

5. An awkward pause is not a big deal.

This is not the first time you have met. We sat and talked. You listened to him and asked leading questions. And suddenly you both fell silent, and there was an awkward pause.

What to do? Pause and look him straight in the eye until he becomes embarrassed. It is possible that he cannot stand it and decides to relieve the awkwardness with a kiss.

6. Sober sex means more serious relationships.

Many men do not take seriously a girl with whom they became close after sharing libations. And it’s so easy to accidentally tamper with it while trying to remove the clamp.

What to do? This doesn't mean you can't have a glass of wine before taking the next step. The cause-and-effect relationship is important (well, in moderation, of course): it’s one thing when you drink to relax a little before sex. Another is when you had sex because you were too “relaxed” from the wine.