Vulgar bedtime stories for a girl short topic. funny tales
Answers:
Grandpa Au Banana
So today the Hedgehog said to the Bear cub:
- It's still good that we have each other!
The little bear nodded.
- Just imagine: I'm not there, you're sitting alone and there's no one to talk to.
- And where are you?
- I am not here, I am out.
“It doesn’t happen like that,” said Little Bear.
“I think so too,” said the Hedgehog. “But all of a sudden, I don’t exist at all. You are alone. Well, what are you going to do? .
- I'll turn everything upside down, and you'll be found!
- No, I'm nowhere! !
- Then, then ... Then I will run out into the field, - said the Bear cub. - And I will shout: “Yo-yo-yo-zhi-i-i-k!” , and you will hear and scream: “Bear-oh-oh-ok! ..”. Here.
- No, - said the Hedgehog. - I don't have one bit. Understand?
- What are you doing to me? - Bear cub got angry. If you are not, then I am not. Understood?…
Serenka
Say that you will marry her
selenium
talk about your love
Jurijus Zaksas
Once upon a time there were Grandfather, Baba and a chicken Ryaba. And somehow a hen laid a testicle for Grandfather. Grandfather is crying, Baba is crying, and the hen is clucking: “Don’t cry, Baba, don’t cry, Grandfather, otherwise I’ll lay your second testicle ...”
Is it true that both the fairy tale is SHORT and the chicken is terribly kind?
Nikolay Filippov
Say you want to marry her.
simpatic segrifice
Maybe you'll try to come up with something for her... romantic!
A short story about a clever princess
In the kingdom of Far Far Away, in the far away state, there lived a beautiful, independent, independent and intelligent princess. One day she was sitting on the bank of a picturesque pond in a green valley near her castle, thinking about the meaning of life, and suddenly she saw a frog.
The frog jumped into her lap and
said, "Honey, kind girl. Once I was a handsome prince, but evil witch enchanted me, turning me into a frog. If you kiss me, I will turn into a prince again, and then, my charm, I will settle in your castle, and you will cook my food, clean my horse, wash my clothes, raise my children and be glad that I took you as my wife . "
That same evening, after having a light supper of frog legs with spices and a glass of white wine, the Princess chuckled softly and thought: “Fuck you!”
In life there is a place do not care
Better than a bottle of champagne! Cuts out very well, checked)))
kind people help me come up with a bedtime story for my girlfriend, I have a fantasy of 0 (((
Answers:
joke
Let's get married, we'll have a lot of children. We won’t have work, there won’t be anything to feed the children, we’ll take them to a dark forest far away, and we’ll leave them there ... then the little finger ...
You will not have a job, because you are uninitiated, you will only wait for help from some uncle.
ArtyomArtyom ArtyomArtyom
oh .... Tell her about how your relationship began in a fabulous way. From the very beginning until the day you tell it :)
Evgeny Filatov
Hello Beloved! So I want to kiss your plump lips now! Such soft and sweet offended lips! I want to undead and caress them until a happy smile takes over them! And then you can sit comfortably on my shoulder and listen a new fairy tale born in my dreams!
Today this tale will be about one girl who dreamed of me on amazing nights under the quiet crackle of logs in the stove and the mysterious light of a small lamp on the wall. This lamp was cute gnome with an umbrella and it seemed that he was conjuring magic!
***
So, there was a girl. She lived peacefully and calmly, and everything was enough for her, except for one thing! She was very lonely, and therefore there was no happiness!
And then one day the girl went to look for this happiness! Every time good and good people It seemed to her that she had found her happiness! But time passed, and interest in her disappeared, too quickly everyone around got used to the quiet and trouble-free wanderer. Then she again went in search. But the path was not always so serene. And not only good people met her.
Once, on the threshold of a house, a very polite and courteous young man opened the door for her. And she went there without fear. The weary traveler was fed and put to bed. And at night, an evil spell fell on this house. And only in the morning with the first rays of the sun, she woke up exhausted on the street. But the fear of the events of this night was stronger than fatigue, and she rushed to run away as fast as she could! Since then, she never trusted any young man again. But the belief that somewhere in the world happiness awaits her helped to move on.
And then one day she sat down to rest on the banks of a small river under the rays of a bright spring sun. The mischievous brook sang to her funny song about distant lands to which he aimed his streams. The girl admired this picture so much that she did not hear light footsteps from behind. someone's warm hands embraced her by the shoulders, and a gentle voice asked:
- How far are you keeping the way, Bunny?
From this touch and voice immediately breathed so close and dear that in response she could not say anything other than:
- I have already passed a lot, seen everyone! And now my path in loneliness is over! Hello my happiness! Hello my beloved!
The girl turned, took her Happiness by the hand and never let go again!
***
I love you! I love you, my happiness! I will never give you up to anyone! And if you suddenly want to leave, I will hug and kiss you so hard that these hugs cannot be broken!
bedtime story
fairy tale
FAIRY TALES to girls... who tells... before going to bed?
Answers:
Fleur De Lis
waiting for the story to continue...
Original_Sin
nobody tells! thanks for the story ;-)
Evgenia
program " Good night, kids", there are also cartoons shown))
Jukon7
Babysitters tell)))
Lll)
while no one... do you want to become this storyteller?...
margarita
Erotic. "Cockerel, cockerel, golden comb, butter head, silk beard, why do you get up early, don't let the girls sleep?" :-))))))
Svetlana
Terrible, so that I could not sleep.)
❀ Svetlana ❀
About 95 gasoline ... and winter tires))
Singarella.
About the kolobok.))
*Ariana*
About .. TENDERNESS ...)
Any age...;)
Amenhotep III
naira meliqyan
About the frog princess
Crazy Inetovsky
Why does he need your prayers, give him a blowjob and load your head with all sorts of nonsense ...
Alexander Makurin
The best bedtime story for a man, it's fabulously executed marital debt a woman, well, or almost marital.
NIKIT0
kiss him... fabulous... .
Polo
It depends on what you expect from him after the epilogue.
Sergey Elizarov
Aliens flew into the apartment of the newlyweds. We decided to switch partners. The alien took the girl.
Before intercourse, he explains to her why he needs two valves to the left and right of the penis:
- To the right - to make it thicker. And on the left, to make it longer. Do as you please!
She twisted her ideal. After sex, he lies and neighs furiously, which is already suffocating.
- Why are you laughing?
- Yes, I can imagine how your eggs are twisting my balls now!
What kind of men like bedtime stories?
Answers:
Ivan_Losev
From the lips of Shaherizada (or Dulcinea) I'm ready to listen to 1000 and 1 night :)
Lada
Taisha
Men prefer fairy tales not only at bedtime
Alexei
All males under 3 years old.
baby doll_from_Earth
Impotent.
oleg marchenko
I don’t know how much they love, but they are always ready for them.
At the very beginning of December, I suddenly had a couple of free weeks from work, and I decided to visit my homeland, visit relatives and friends. A plane ticket the day before departure is a lottery, but I was lucky to buy almost the last ticket for the London-Moscow flight with one stop in Riga. Insignificant, in fact, transit nuance pleased me separately. Just once in my youth, Riga seemed to me, a native of the Soviet Union, fabulous city where most live lovely women in the world. I have not been fifteen for a long time, and my attitude towards this city has remained as bright as before. I was looking forward to seeing my old dream at least from a bird's eye view, but, alas, the weather did not allow me to admire the view from the plane's window. Thick, heavy snow clouds they hid the city, and only occasionally did I manage to see the icy Latvian land.
In the waiting room for passengers flying to Domodedovo, unpleasant news awaited: all flights to Moscow were delayed indefinitely due to a snow storm - landing would be impossible. After talking with an airport employee and making sure that my flight was postponed until at least tomorrow noon, I decided to rent a room in one of the local hotels and instead of the dull, exhausting expectations “on suitcases” take a walk around the snow-covered beauty of Riga. Well, hello, my dream!
I settled in a cozy hotel in the very heart of Riga, not far from the old church of St. John. After an invigorating shower, I reviewed the contents of the bag I took with me on the plane. What happiness! Along with a camera and a phone, there were jeans and a warm knitted sweater, gloves and a dress, which I decided to take at the last moment, having already packed a large suitcase. Great, you can go to the hotel restaurant in the evening, but for now, go ahead - to the old streets of Riga!
The elevator went down to the hotel lobby. I entered the cockpit, glancing at my reflection in the mirror panel: no, after all, I am very good today! Out of the corner of her eye, she also noticed the reflection of her companion, a tall, stately man with ashy hair dressed in a solid, protective green coat. Satisfied with myself and with how well the journey was going, I turned and, in European habit, recent years, restrainedly - politely smiled at her companion.
- It's pretty cold today, don't you think? he kindly replied.
My heart skipped a beat. If I were suddenly robbed liquid nitrogen would hardly have had a greater effect. I stood face to face with a person who was impossible to meet under any circumstances, especially by chance, in a country where we are both just guests on a short time. I looked into these unforgettable grey-green eyes and was silent. Was it Björn Larsen of flesh and blood or his ghost? The elevator stopped and its doors swung open. I rushed away into the wild, into the air.
- Helena, wait! You don't recognize me? - he rushed after me.
I had only a moment to take a deep breath, “put on” a polite smile and turn to face my Past.
- Good afternoon, Lieutenant Colonel. I wasn't sure it was you in person.
"Now it's a colonel," he corrected me with a slight smile.
- Congratulations on your promotion.
- What are you doing in Riga?
- Passing time, waiting for my flight. And you? - I frankly examined such a familiar face for me: there were more wrinkles near the eyes from the day of our last meeting, the folds at the mouth appeared deeper, more severe, and the temples are already well silvered with gray hair ...
- Ended today preparatory stage joint exercises, and now I have a couple of days of vacation, I want to see Riga before returning to Amsterdam.
- Understand. Why Amsterdam and not Copenhagen?
- Now I live in Holland, I signed a long-term contract with the Academy.
We were standing in the middle of the hotel lobby, in the way of people and luggage, and Björn put his hand on my shoulder, pulling me aside. It felt like I was on fire, despite having several layers of clothing.
Tell me about yourself, Lena, - he said my name as my relatives and friends call me, as he once called me.
"I'm fine," I said curtly. - Forgive me, but I don’t have much time - I won’t have time to see everything, I have to go.
The instinct of self-preservation ordered to disappear immediately, and my heart ached and begged to linger for at least a couple of minutes.
- I think you and I are on the way. I don't know anything here either. Let's take a walk together, - suggested Larsen with his characteristic, timeless charm. In a way, nothing had changed; he still had an inexplicable power over me. Cursing my cowardice, I obediently followed Bjorn to hand over my room keys.
We went out to the snow-covered old square. Although it was only the beginning of December, the city was already living in anticipation of Christmas. At the shop windows, on the streets and boulevards, pre-holiday revival reigned everywhere. Here and there along the way we came across flocks of children, noisy, sonorous, playing snowballs or making snowballs. snowman. Young people gathered in couples or companies near cafes and cinemas, adults sedately walked along the embankment ... Filled with lights, the evening Riga was dazzlingly beautiful.
How is Annie doing? I asked Bjorn about his daughter.
- As you said, she will not be a professional pianist. But she is smart, studies well and now dreams of becoming a lawyer, like her mother, - pride sounded in his voice. - Since I live and work in Holland, I see her less often than I would like, but regularly.
“She is a wonderful girl, Bjorn.
- Ann still plays for his own pleasure and to please me. Even sent a note recently. She hasn't forgotten you, Helena.
And you? I wanted to ask. - Do you remember how, thanks to your daughter's music lessons, we met?
Three years ago.
At that time I lived in Copenhagen, I was a fairly well-known concert pianist and additionally studied with talented guys at my home. Annie Larsen was one of my favorites, although I am not a fan of favoritism. Naturally, I knew both of the girl's parents, but more often she came with her dad. If he brought it to me, returning from service, he was dressed in military uniform with officer insignia. Tall and stately, Lieutenant Colonel Larsen always exuded some special confidence and instantly aroused affection. Annie was very proud of her father, and both certainly adored each other.
According to the schedule, her lessons were twice a week; one day Björn arrived without his daughter: the girl caught a cold and stayed with her mother for several days. Little students often share what's on their minds, which is why I knew that Annie's parents had broken up. more than a year ago, and she lives in two houses, like many of her friends. Apologizing that he forgot to call and warn me, Björn - as compensation for the lost time, I guess - offered to have coffee with him. It's not my tradition to go out with the parents of students, but he wanted to talk to me about his daughter's progress, and I suggested that he talk - and also have coffee - at my place until the next student arrives.
We spent forty minutes together, starting with a conversation about Annie and her game, and somehow imperceptibly moved on to abstract topics. Shortly after that, it was my birthday, which Björn apparently learned from his daughter, and quite unexpectedly for me arrived in the evening with a beautiful bouquet of white roses and an invitation to dinner ... This is how our romance with him began, magical, and alas, short-lived but changed my life forever.
I fell in love with Bjorn Larsen like a girl. At twenty-five, I lived for music and only music. My life abroad, away from relatives and friends who speak and think the same language as you, was almost monastic, filled with service to only one deity - Art. And now he appeared in her, a man whom I admired immensely for his courage, for strength of mind, for a keen sense of justice and decency, which is rare in our troubled times ... In addition, I have never known such a fantastic attraction before. As soon as I heard his voice on the phone, my heart immediately began to beat at a crazy pace, and what happened to me when he appeared next to me cannot even be described in words. Everything intimate that I experienced with a few before him faded, lost all meaning.
Wherever we were together, whatever we did - whether we cooked dinner, or walked near the famous Eriksen's Little Mermaid, or listened to opera at Operaen pa Holmen - it seemed that all his words and actions were a prelude to love joys. Our first night with him revealed to me the whole world sensations never experienced before. He felt me unmistakably, over and over again shifting the boundaries of what was permitted, built in my mind. For Bjorn, there was nothing reprehensible, shameful, forbidden in sex. He helped me to know my own body and taught how to bring it to the maximum peak of pleasure. Sexuality, courage, even impudence, unprecedented for me, manifested itself in me. We made love not only in bed, but also on the table in my kitchen, in his living room, in the bathroom, in the car, hiding in a secluded bay ...
I was glowing with happiness, inspiration overwhelmed me, which could not but affect my playing - at the same time with love, I experienced a wild rise in my popularity and recognition in the musical environment.
Well, nothing could have prepared me for the news that Björn brought one spring evening: in three weeks, their group would be sent to Afghanistan as part of the Security Assistance Force contingent.
For six months...
For a real war...
We still had twenty days of happiness to be together, but this happiness was mixed with the pain of realizing an imminent, inevitable separation. Bjorn said that we will pass this test, that the Internet is available at the base, and we will be in touch with each other, that we need to survive and endure these circumstances, and we will be together again. Tasks at combat points are carried out constantly, although he is not always away from home on such long term. I agreed with his arguments, and what else could I do? Such was his life, his duty. And I, like thousands of other women all over the Earth, had to carry a heavy burden, watered with tears of loneliness, sprinkled with hope and prayers - fate loving woman, waiting for her man from a war she does not understand.
Bjorn flew to Afghanistan at the end of May. The first weeks of summer for me were colored with gray longing for him. I looked forward to each letter, sometimes unable to fall asleep until late at night, sorting through the printouts Email and photographs, remembering his eyes, words, touches... I loaded myself to the limit with work, hoping that the less time for myself, the sooner November would come, the time for Bjorn to return home.
By the end of July, the limit of my physical strength and I began to feel constant fatigue, weakness and even, at times, nausea. I passed out right after a class with one of my students, and his terrified mother called an ambulance. The doctor sympathetically asked me questions during the examination, and then delicately asked if I could be pregnant ... A little later, on the same evening after taking the test, I laughed and cried when I saw those same two strips. It seems that my little spring cold nullified the effect of contraceptive pills, and, in the whirlwind of endless concerts, I did not even pay attention to the absence of "women's days".
I didn't know how to break the news to my loved one. Letters came less and less, he referred to the crazy busyness and tense situation in the region, he became more distant and colder. I explained this by fatigue and constant overload, shuddered and ran to the TV screen as soon as the evening news uttered the word - the spell "Afghanistan", waited and believed that everything would be between us as before, as soon as Bjorn returned home - to me, and then I will tell him about the baby.
I spent the whole of August in agony because of his silence. In a month I received only two short, dry messages. Cursing the wars of all times and the toxicosis that tormented me, I spent hours on the Internet, reading everything that was available about the events in the region. Exhausting expectation has become my habitual state ... Everything that I could afford, as a teacher, to ask Annie Larsen about her dad, I already knew from her words: he called, is healthy, thinks about her, loves ...
In September, Annie stopped making music with me, enthusiastically switching to a new hobby. My letters to Bjorn went unanswered.
I was almost seven months pregnant when Lieutenant Colonel Larsen returned home in late autumn. Having exhausted myself for another two whole weeks, I, as before jumping into the abyss, dialed the cherished number on my mobile with trembling fingers. Björn did not answer for a long time, and then he called back himself and said in a strange voice that we should not meet.
With my heart broken into small pieces, I flew home, to my homeland, to my mother.
Three years later.
And in some incomprehensible way, life again brought us together with him. It seemed that I had fallen into timelessness, or I was sleeping in reality and having a fantastic dream. We wandered through the snow-covered streets, admired the city, I took dozens of pictures of local beauties - and, as if at the same time, I photographed Bjorn several times. Somewhere among these shots were those that, at our request, a passer-by made, capturing Colonel Larsen and me together. At least something will remain in my memory of this meeting. Then we drank delicious chocolate in a small cafe in the Lido and talked ... talked ...
I want to apologize to you, Lena,” Björn said, gently squeezing my fingers in his palm as soon as the waitress brought our order.
- I am very guilty, it is not easy to explain my behavior, but I will try anyway.
- There is hardly anything to discuss here. I gently freed my hand and tucked it in my lap.
Please give me a chance to speak. I know a lot of water has flown under the bridge in three years, but you should know that I deeply regret my act towards you. When we met, I was not looking for a serious relationship, I had recently divorced and knew that there was a long mission in the Middle East. But I lost my head because of you, took advantage of your love, your naivety ...
- Really? I asked coldly between small sips of piping hot chocolate. Bjorn's words gave me chills.
- You meant a lot to me then, but it turned out to be impossible to maintain our relationship in the midst of Afghan reality. There were hard times. Not all my friends returned... I started to abuse alcohol... When life returned to normal, I could no longer find you, - Bjorn's fingers touched my hair, gently slid down my cheek.
- Your phone did not answer, letters were sent to nowhere, some people settled in your house, the impresario only said that you broke the contract and left in an unknown direction ... - Björn's voice sadly faded away. - Some time later, I met Ulrika, we have been married for a year ...
I didn't know what to answer. The past again stood before me as a sad ghost. I collected my thoughts for a few moments.
- If you need my forgiveness, I give it to you. But let's not talk about the past anymore - it hurts too much.
And how do you live now, Lena? Björn held an elegant cup of fine china in his hand, and I looked at his fingers. Musicians always pay more attention to their hands than other people. The hands of this man were strong, reliable, caring for those whom he endowed with his love. They, accustomed to weapons and hand-to-hand combat, were fraught with a deadly danger to enemies. Now one of the fingers gleamed wedding ring- a symbol of our final separation. I have never been good at lying, and now, excited by our meeting, under his tenacious gaze of an experienced military analyst, I felt completely insecure. I was afraid to accidentally mention something that Colonel Larsen should not know.
- Well, I left the stage for a while, concentrated on teaching.
- Yes, my daughter said, they say, it's strange that there are no announcements about your performances.
- I will have concerts in London and Copenhagen in early January. It's scary to come back after such a break.
- I'm sure you'll do better, - Björn smiled warmly at me, as once in the past, when I was worried before the next serious concert.
My heart felt like it was being squeezed into a vise. Ah, if he only knew that in that very summer I already carried his child under my heart! If only I could take it all back!
We returned to the hotel late in the evening. Taking the keys from the porter, I thought that the moment of farewell had come. It cost me a lot of work to calmly wish Björn all the best and, smiling like an old acquaintance, tightly close the door of my room behind me. I didn't know how long I stood motionless, with my back against the door, tears streaming down my face. I haven't been in so much pain since we broke up.
Suddenly, there was a soft knock behind me. Thinking it was the maid, I quickly dried my eyes and opened the door. A colonel was standing on the threshold with my camera in his hands.
“Your camera remained with me…,” Larsen began, but when he saw my condition, he, without finishing the sentence, instantly crossed the threshold, resolutely pulling me into his arms. - Well, my girl, don't cry.
These words, which I never hoped to hear again in my life, were the last straw. Hiding my face on Björn's shoulder, I let my anguish spill out into tears that were by no means beautiful, like in the movies. I felt his hands caress my hair, my shoulders, and I was overwhelmed by a storm of emotions. Knowing that Bjorn would stop me, I still shamelessly, desperately pressed my lips to his. But against all odds, he didn't pull away. We kissed like there was no tomorrow, frantically tearing each other's clothes off, and nothing else could hold us back. I could not think of anything but an unbearable desire to press my whole body against his body, feel his strength and merge with him without a trace. If my flesh burned with passion, then my soul was on the road to paradise. I'll think about hell tomorrow.
I followed Bjorn along the path he had chosen. Giving and receiving caresses, kicking back, obeying and demanding to go on the offensive, I seemed to climb higher and higher up the mountain until we both fell into a sweet abyss. And then, powerlessly stretched out next to Bjorn on the crumpled sheets, hand to hand, heart to heart, barely breathing, I struggled with sleep with all my might to enjoy the magical moments of intimacy with him, to see how he sleeps, to listen to his breathing ...
At dawn, trying my best not to wake Björn, I pulled on my clothes, took my bag and, pausing for one long moment by the side of the bed to imprint in my memory the image of the man I loved, went out, noiselessly shutting the door behind me.
After paying the bill for accommodation, I hastily rushed to the taxis parked at the hotel. “To the airport, please,” I asked the driver, handing him my luggage. On the way, I did not notice anything around, look only at the roadbed spread out in front of the car. My eyes were dry. I was devastated, only somewhere at the bottom of my soul splashed sadness. I was determined to move on without being tormented by questions about what happened to Bjorn after his mission in Afghanistan in the summer of 2009. As much as I would not like to be with him, this man now belongs to another woman, from whom I already, without shame or conscience, stole tonight. Such a night was mine by right, even before Ulrika came into Bjorn's life. But that's where it ends, this time it really ends.
I arrived at the airport well before the scheduled time, so I had to take a seat in the waiting room and get a book out of my bag. At least I'll be on the plane soon, on my way to the son my parents had while I was busy preparing for the London gig in January. I missed my baby terribly, and now, after meeting his father, I needed the strong hugs of small hands more than ever.
Time flew by imperceptibly. I was getting ready to check in when I suddenly heard my name over the loudspeaker and a request to come to the information desk. In bewilderment, I quickly walked to the indicated point and saw Colonel Larsen standing alone by the plastic column.
- Bjorn? Why are you here? - to say that I was surprised - to say nothing.
It seemed that he wanted to look like a razor blade to cut me into pieces.
- First, you disappeared without saying a word. Helena, do you want to explain anything to me? Bjorn's voice sounded metallic.
I caught the threat coming from him, but in my current state, without flinching, calmly replied that I had nothing to say. And why?
- Secondly, how do you explain it ???
Seething with overwhelming emotions, he took out of the case ... my camera.
Completely forgot about her! She must have stayed in the room with the covers thrown to the floor. Björn did not give me the camera, but began to take it out of the case. Then my heart seemed to break, I guessed that he was looking through the files, and there, in addition to yesterday's Riga pictures, there were photos of my - our - son! So it is, he showed me the first frame with the boy.
There is no doubt that this is your child. – He did not ask, but seemed to rebuke me of all sins. - This is a recent date. How old is he now? Do not answer. I remember what Annie looked like when she was three years old. But they look so much like her! Helena, explain to me how this can be!
The people around us began to look at us. Bjorn did not notice anything or anyone.
"When was the baby born?" he muttered through clenched teeth.
- At the end of January two thousand and ten ...
Bjorn clutched his head.
- How, well, how could you not tell me, Lena ???
- When I found out that I was pregnant, you already became cold to me, rarely wrote ... Then it got even worse ... And didn’t you tell me after returning that we shouldn’t meet? I have already raised my voice. Bjorn became whiter than white.
Why didn't you say yesterday? She didn't even say a word tonight! And if I hadn't seen these shots...
"You should have gone home to your wife," I finished coldly for him. "As you will." And my son and I have our own lives.
- Really? Bjorn chuckled ironically. “You don’t know me at all, if you can even imagine such an alignment.
- And what do you propose? I went cold, knowing how he treats children, his children. Bjorn ran a hand through his hair.
- I can't say for sure yet. We need to think about how best to proceed.
- Well, when you think about it, then you say it. Then I will decide whether to agree or not. Find me in London if you want. Now excuse me, I have a plane.
I resolutely grabbed my bag, turned around, it was time to go, but he held my hand.
- What is our son's name? Bjorn asked with an unexpected, happy smile on his lips.
I hesitated for only a second, looking into his eyes - into the very depths, into his soul.
- Alex. His name is Alexander.
I flew to Moscow. Instead of one question about the past, I now had a dozen about the future. How to solve an equation with many unknowns? How will Bjorn react? He will certainly want to see the child, the flight from Amsterdam to London, where I now live, takes only one hour ... How will his wife react to such news? But most of all, I was not sure of myself: can I make my heart be silent? Will Bjorn be able to...
© Copyright: pink orchid, 2012
I want to tell a story that recently occurred to me when I was putting my five-year-old son to bed. There was a sea of laughter, probably from the unexpected turn of a well-known plot. And I love it when my baby laughs! Since his birth, I myself have been inventing fairy tales for him. I can’t really tell well-known ones, but spontaneously invented ones are easy. So. This tale is about Kolobok, only in a different way.
Everything starts as usual.
There lived a grandfather and a woman. They were sad without children. They decided to bake a bun for their own joy. Grandfather swept in the bottom of the barrel. The grandmother kneaded the dough and baked a ruddy bun in the oven. I put it on a plate in the window to cool. Kolobok got bored. He jumped out of the window and rolled down the path. Rolls itself rolls. He thinks: “Now Zayinka will appear because of that little bush. He will ask who I am. And I’ll sing a song to him that I’m swept through the bottom of the barrel, but planted in the stove, and ruddy liver. And the Hare will want to eat me, and I will run away from him. Gingerbread man rolls and rolls, but no one runs out to meet. It turns out that the Hare went today to another fairy tale, about "Teremok". Once to him. Kolobok sighed and rolled on. He thinks: “Well, okay, but now the Wolf will meet me, he will also want to eat, and I will outwit him and run away!” It just rolls and rolls, but the Wolf is also not visible.
Gray has gone to guard Little Red Riding Hood. There will be a better catch - a whole basket of pies and a plump grandmother. Eh! Again no luck Kolobok! Someone to sing their songs. He got upset. Well, okay, he rolled on. Still the Bear remained and the Fox. Already on Mishka he will come off! Roll on, roll on. Already rolled up to his very lair. And no one is there, the castle hangs. Potapych went to visit three bears. They called and said that Alyonushka should come up at one o'clock, just in time for dinner. The feast will be thrown! Oh, Kolobok is not lucky today! I had to sit at home and watch cartoons! Rolling further down the path. Lisa looks out. It's just useless. Lisa Patrikeevna went shopping to look for a new fur coat. Appetite has not worked up yet. Out of desperation, Kolobok climbed onto a stump and shed tears. And under the stump, the Hedgehog slept in the grass. He woke up with kolobok tears. He asks: “What are you twisting, Kolobok?” “Yes, - replies Kolobok, - no one wants to listen to my wonderful song and eat me. There’s no time for everyone!” The Hedgehog listened to him and said: “Do not be sad! Come to me to drink tea with strawberry jam! Kolobok cheered up, and they rolled to the Hedgehog to drink tea!
P.S. What a fairy tale!
After that, we started a whole series of funny tales. Moreover, the son also tries to remake it well in his own way. famous fairy tales and laughs every time.
violetta karpova
Discussion
The story is wonderful, but after that you can’t fall asleep)))
I also invent fairy tales and I think that this is useful not only for the baby, but also for the mother, it develops imagination in both. Well done!
Comment on the article "Funny Tales"
Fairy tale for adults.. --- humor. About his own, about a girl's. Discussion of questions about the life of a woman in the family, at work, relationships with men. I wanted to write that the saleswoman Olya-elya was actually a witch, but I just thought that it was too long a fairy tale ...
Girls, please give the names of short fairy tales where all kinds of animals are looking for their mother. Well, like in a cartoon about a mammoth. Or just about bunnies, the daughter loves them in all manifestations) The main thing is that there is not a very twisted plot, so that mom can just remember it ...
Discussion
Compose it yourself :) I compose on the go, and they add, it turns out rzhach, but the children are happy :) Now they also order songs to sing. Like "sing about the sea" - well, I remember something, it's not enough for them - "sing about the blue sea", "but about the green one?" "What about purple?" etc.:)))
Now this is a mandatory ritual for the night and for daytime sleep. True, they say that it is not very useful to read books at night - it excites children, fantasy is played out. Now my daughter reads bedtime stories to me. How to teach a child to read.
Discussion
Lara, I lost my voice on this "Read with intonation, facial expressions, different voices, imitate the sounds of nature, animal voices, etc.)" when I read Ouspensky's "letter". I plucked it when I read for Koshcheichik's dad.
By the way, I recommend Uspensky's "Diploma" and Auster's "fairy tale with details".
I know that young children need to put on a performance, read emotionally, vividly, by roles, with intonations, with expression - I know.
There should be an example before our eyes - mom and dad themselves should read their books.
We didn’t have such a problem, as soon as the child began to crawl, began to crawl up to the closet and dragged books, that is, they began to read even before that and the child already knew what was happening. Now it is a mandatory ritual for the night and daytime sleep.
True, they say that it is not very useful to read books at night - it excites children, fantasy is played out. So it was with us today - at night she screamed that she would not learn to drive a car, what should I do? It was at night that dunno read because.
3 bedtime stories for kids. Girls, help me come up with a blue or pink fairy tale, my son was asked to come up with a fairy tale, about everything blue or about everything pink. How to write a story together?
Discussion
Just imagine how each of the authors would write "The Three Little Pigs":
Conan Doyle
O.Henry
Strugatsky
Gogol
Ilf and Petrov
Shakespeare
Jules Verne...
Choose any literary genre - detective, adventure, comedy, horror... And write. It is not even necessary to change the characters to who is evil and who is good.
And as exactly Glory wrote below: come up with a "country" of stay (gee - piglets - guest workers), " time - century"life (from the Stone Age to the modern), not necessarily in the forest (it could be a city, a farm near Dikanka, another planet ... depending on the chosen genre)
1. change the scene: There were three piglets (in the zoo, with a grandmother with 3 geese, on an island)
2. change relationships (everyone loved each other like brothers, one for all - all for one)
3. let them build an apartment building and study before that at a technical school as a bricklayer, carpenter and locksmith)
4 world peace, a hotel for animals in the forest, always welcome, everyone is welcome, we will help everyone
5. brought into action to work with them can be: raccoon (laundry services) hare (courier delivery) magpie (news) bear (security) owl (doctor, teacher) elk (transport services) beaver (building materials) squirrel (environmentally pure mushrooms and nuts) fox (baking bread) wolf (vocals, voice acting) hedgehog, etc.
Moral: mutual help and friendship conquer any problems. everyone is happy
Bedtime story for mom. I come home tonight - tired, the nanny is already putting the younger ones to bed. I will lay on the bed with Marusa (because I want to be with the children and at the same time I want to take a horizontal position) and ask her to tell me a fairy tale.
In teaching reading, when the stage of reading individual words and phrases has already been completed, reading simple sentences not inspiring, and the texts are still difficult to read, short dialogues help a lot. They can be read by roles (with a teacher, with mom, with comrades in the training group) ...
Discussion
Oleg Grigoriev.
I carried home
A bag of candy.
And then towards me
Neighbour.
Taken off beret:
- ABOUT! Hello!
What are you carrying?
- A bag of candy.
- How - candy?
Yes, candy.
- A compote?
- There is no compote.
- No compote
And it is not necessary…
Are they chocolate?
Yes, they are chocolate.
- Fine,
I am very happy.
I love chocolate.
Give me candy.
- For candy.
- And that one, that one, that one...
Beauty! Delicious!
And this one, and that one...
No more?
- No more.
- Well hello.
- Well hello.
- Well hello.
L. Mironova
- Where is the apple, Andryusha?
- Apple? I've been eating for a long time.
- You didn't wash it, it seems.
- I cleaned his skin!
- Well done you have become!
- I've been like this for a long time.
- And where are the cleaning cases?
- Ah... cleaning... also ate.
S.V. Mikhalkov Kittens.
Our kittens were born -
There are exactly five of them.
We decided, we guessed:
How should we name kittens?
Finally we named them:
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE.
ONCE - the kitten is the whitest,
TWO - the kitten is the most courageous,
THREE - the kitten is the smartest,
And FOUR is the noisiest.
FIVE - similar to THREE and TWO -
Same tail and head
The same spot on the back
He also sleeps all day in a basket.
We have good kittens -
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE!
Come visit us guys
View and count
Sing, great! B. Zakhoder
- Hello, Vova!
- How are your lessons?
- Not ready...
You know, bad cat
Doesn't let you do it!
Just sat down at the table
I hear: "Meow ..." - "What came?
Leave! I scream at the cat. -
I'm already... unbearable!
You see, I'm busy with science,
So shove and don't meow!"
He then climbed into a chair,
He pretended to fall asleep.
Well, he deftly pretended -
It's almost like he's sleeping! -
But you can't fool me...
“Oh, are you sleeping? Now you get up!
You are smart and I am smart!
Once by the tail!
- And he?
He scratched my hands
Pulled the tablecloth off the table
Spilled all the ink on the floor
All the notebooks smeared on me
And slipped out the window!
I'm ready to forgive the cat
I feel sorry for them, cats.
But why do they say
Like it's my own fault?
I openly told my mother:
“This is just slander!
Would you try it yourself
Hold the cat's tail!
Fedul, what pouted his lips?
-Caftan burnt.
- You can sew.
- No needles.
- How big is the hole?
-One gate left.
I caught a bear!
- So bring it here!
-Does not go.
- So you go!
- He won't let me!
Where, Thomas, are you going?
Where are you driving?
- I'm going to mow hay,
What do you need hay for?
- Feed the cows.
- What about cows?
-Milk milk.
- Why milk?
-Feed the kids.
Hello kitty, how are you?
Why did you leave us?
- I can't live with you
Tail nowhere to put
Walk, yawn
Step on the tail. Meow!
V. Orlov
Theft.
- Kra! crow cries.
Theft! Guard! Robbery! The missing!
The thief crept early in the morning!
He stole a penny from his pocket!
Pencil! Cardboard! Cork!
And a nice box!
- Stop, crow, shut up!
Shut up, don't scream!
You can't live without cheating!
You don't have a pocket!
- How? - jumped the crow
and blinked in surprise
Why didn't you say before?
Kar-r-raul! Kar-r-rman ukr-rali!
Who is first.
Who offended whom first?
- He me!
- No, he me!
Who hit whom first?
- He me!
- No, he me!
- Have you been friends like this before?
- I was friends.
- And I was friends.
What didn't you share?
- I forgot.
- And I forgot.
Fedya! Run to Aunt Olya,
Bring some salt.
- Salts?
- Salts.
- I am now.
- Oh, and Fedin's hour is long.
Well, it finally arrived!
Where have you been running, brat?
- Met Mishka and Seryozhka.
- And then?
- They were looking for a cat.
- And then?
- Then they found it.
- And then?
- Let's go to the pond.
- And then?
- Catching a pike!
Barely pulled out the evil one!
- Pike?
- Pike.
- But wait, where is the salt?
- What kind of salt?
S.Ya. Marshak
Wolf and fox.
Gray wolf in dense forest
Met a red fox.
Lisaveta, hello!
- How are you, toothy?
Nothing is going on.
The head is still intact.
Where have you been?
- On the market.
- What did you buy?
- Pigs.
How much did they take?
- Wool tuft,
skinned
right side,
Tail bitten off in a fight!
- Who gnawed?
- Dogs!
Are you full, dear kumanek?
- Barely dragged his legs!
Everyone Thanks a lot for answers and new ideas!
- Funny and vulgar tales!Pros: funny, fun, turns on
Disadvantages: accidentally read by children
We all love fairy tales since childhood. But when children grow up, their circle of interests changes dramatically. And even stories about familiar from childhood and favorite characters may be of interest to an adult reader only if they are overgrown with more “adult” details. Yes, I mean vulgar tales). So, if you want something to entertain your soulmate before going to bed, I can offer you a couple of interesting, but vulgar fairy tales for adults!)).
Once upon a time there were Ivan Tsarevich and Vasilisa the Beautiful. Happiness and harmony were in the family, but there was not enough understanding: no matter how Ivan Tsarevich asked, Vasilisa did not give him. Nobody knows the reasons, and Ivan Tsarevich has nowhere to go, as long as she is his lawful wife. Over time, the peasant had to get used to and forget about this matter.
But one day, trouble came to the kingdom: the Serpent-Gorynych got into the habit of ruining villages in the kingdom and kidnapping local girls for obscene purposes. Ivan Tsarevich led the detachment, they went to look for the damned snake. We walked for a long time, told many ruined villages on our way. And now they see: the Serpent-Grynych is sitting in an open field, waiting for them. The good fellows were frightened, they gave a tear. One on one, Ivan Tsarevich fought with a snake. But as he realized that he was losing, he began to retreat into the forest. Decided to spend the night here. Ivan Tsarevich was looking for a place to sleep and wandered to the swamp. The poor fellow got lost, completely despaired. And suddenly he hears a thin voice:
Warm me, Ivan Tsarevich, take a nap. I want warmth and sex.
Better take me out of the swamp, - he answers, seeing a green frog in front of him. You are not fit for this job. You have holes, go, no!
And you love me the way I am: cold and green - I'll take you out of the swamp. Get your farm, I'll open my mouth wider - plant me as your soul desires!
At first, Ivan was afraid of such a proposal - what if he picks up some other disgusting thing in this swamp. But he remembered his wife, which did not give him, remembered the Serpent-Gorynych, whom he could not defeat if he did not get out of the swamp. And made a decision. He sees: the frog has already opened its mouth. He put it in her mouth all the way to the bottom. And the frog was just waiting for this - how let's try! Ivan Tsarevich received incredible pleasure, all the seed splashed out, accumulated over the years. He looks - and instead of a frog in front of him, a naked girl is already sitting on her knees, offering to stay with her until morning. Ivan Tsarevich could not resist, succumbed to the charms of the Frog Princess. And in the morning the hero got up, straightened his shoulders, and it became easy for him, as if a large stone had been removed from him. Ivan Tsarevich went into a clean field, took a sword in his hands and defeated the Serpent-Gorynych.
Lived and lived alone in the world normal kid, whose name was simply - Ilya. He is simple Ilyukha, correct, but he had one oddity - he did not want to get off the stove! He told everyone, they say, he is sick, his legs do not hold, and not only from a hangover. Well, the villagers quickly realized that our Ilyusha was too lazy to just get up from the stove. And his father was a noble governor, but he died in an unequal struggle with the damned Polovtsians! All that remained of him was chain mail and a rusty sword.
The villagers got tired of Ilyusha's wild life and his heroic strength. After all, whoever says anything against him can get hit on the head with a log from the stove. Ilya has already killed three of our fellow villagers, crippled eight, filthy Herod!
The villagers gathered and decide what to do with Ilyusha?
"Let's get together with the whole gang, we'll fall on him, and we'll plug him with stakes in the ass, for the glory of Perun!" - alas, this decision was not liked by the mother and sisters of Ilya's half-womb, who offered to just humanely make him drink marsh water, rape him and strangle him with a rawhide strap.
But there was one stray sorcerer, who, for being allowed to get drunk, offered to cure Ilya. However, he did not want to get up from the stove, to defend his homeland - he sent the old man to hell. The sorcerer was offended, rolled out the zenki, built a goat on both hands, spat the jamb on the floor, waved his hand, and went back to the forest, swollen. And a miracle happened here! He used to swear, booze, women tore in different poses, and weak legs were not a hindrance. Now, in general, the mouth does not open, the member hangs from the stove to the floor, does not eat, does not drink, does not fart, does not fuck, swears.
But the sorcerer nevertheless took pity on Ilyusha and promised to remove the curse. But for this, Ilya had to give the old man his stocked joint. After the words "Get up and go, damned" - Ilyusha, disenchanted, jumped from the stove, swung at the grandfather, and he had already caught a trace.
Having nothing to do, our great Ilya Muromets went to perform feats for the glory of the Russian land! ..
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Once upon a time there were Ivan Tsarevich and Vasilisa the Beautiful. Everything was good with them. Ivan Tsarevich served the service, and Vasilisa the Beautiful busied herself around the house and did needlework. Vasilisa the Beautiful was good to everyone - she was beautiful, and smart, and cooked, and kept the house in order, and was engaged in various needlework. Only Ivan Tsarevich did not give.
No matter how much Ivan Tsarevich asked, he does not give, and that's it. Maybe she hurt there, or maybe there was no hole at all. Nobody knows this now. Or maybe she just didn't like it.
It was hard for Ivan Tsarevich from this, but there was nowhere to go, because Vasilisa was his lawful wife. And he eventually forgot about this matter.
How much time has passed, I don't know. Yes, only trouble came to their kingdom. The Serpent-Gorynych got into the habit of ruining the villages in the Kingdom.
Then the good fellows of the Snake gathered to drive away, and they put Ivan Tsarevich in charge. And they went to look for the Serpent. They walked for a long time. Half of the troops were lost. They reached one village, and only broken stoves remained from the village. They see the Serpent-Gorynych sitting outside the village in the field, waiting for them.
As the good fellows of the Serpent saw, they were frightened. Who fled where, but buried behind the bumps. Only Ivan Tsarevich remained in the field opposite the Serpent-Gorynych.
And they began to fight not for life but to the death. Only Ivan Tsarevich sees - he cannot defeat the Serpent. Forces are running out already. He began to walk slowly towards the forest. Here the evening has already come. Then Ivan Tsarevich decided to wait out the night in the forest, and then return back for a new army.
He began to look for a place to sleep and wandered into the swamp. And where it doesn’t go, it’s swamp everywhere. No way for him to get out.
Ivan Tsarevich was completely saddened. And the Snake did not win, and even got lost in the swamp. He became completely ill. He sat down on a bump and hung his head.
Suddenly he hears someone's thin voice: Warm me, Ivan Tsarevich, take a nap.
He began to look around and saw a frog sitting on a hummock and looking at him.
Who are you - asks Ivan Tsarevich.
The frog is green, she replies. I want caresses and warmth, and this business.
Better take me out of the swamp, the green one - Ivan Tsarevich tells her - I feel completely bad.
I will bring it out, but with the condition: love me the way I am, green and cold.
Yes, how can I love you, you don’t even have a hole.
And you get your farm, I'll open my mouth wider, but plant me deeper.
Ivan Tsarevich was frightened, the frog is cold and green. And suddenly bite. Or I’ll pick up some infection from the swamp.
The frog sees that Ivan Tsarevich is thinking and says: For a long time, you will think - I will gallop into the swamp.
It was difficult for Ivan Tsarevich to decide, he also remembered Vasilisa the Beautiful, that she did not give him the Snake not defeated, and decided: come what may, two deaths will not happen, but one cannot be avoided
- Open, says, mouth - green.
He put it in her mouth all the way to the bottom. And the frog was just waiting for this - how let's try. Ivan Tsarevich even closed his eyes with pleasure. Spilled out his seed, accumulated over the years.
He opened his eyes satisfied, and instead of a frog, a girl was kneeling in front of him and pressing her cheek against his leg. Ivan Tsarevich stroked the girl's hair.
And she raised her head and gently smiling said: Stay with me, the morning is wiser than the evening. Ivan Tsarevich embraced the girl and agreed. And they began to love each other. All the desire that had accumulated in both of them spilled out. And then, hugging each other, they fell into a sweet dream.
Early in the morning, Ivan Tsarevich got up, straightened his shoulders, and it became easy for him, as if a large stone had been removed from him. He went into the field, picked up a sword and defeated the Serpent-Gorynych.
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