Learning to accept compliments correctly. How to speak correctly and receive compliments

Pay attention to how children react to praise addressed to them. As a rule, they smile. And we are ready to try, just to hear words of approval once again. If you didn’t learn how to accept compliments from your childhood, it’s not too late to learn this now. The ability to accept compliments will show people that you are good, open man. Plus, it's really very nice.

How to accept compliments

How to give compliments

Is it possible to learn how to give compliments yourself? Practice on your loved ones. But first, straighten your eyebrows and smile. Or wait until you are in a good mood. Because a compliment said with a gloomy face, in the spirit of: “Your skirt is just right!” will be perceived more as a threat.

Any person can have a lot of advantages. If you find it, praise it, but always sincerely. The interlocutor, as a rule, will try to give you a return compliment.
Never use a compliment for personal gain. Thus, you turn this nectar for the heart into ordinary slippery and two-faced flattery. Flattery is not a compliment, but only a set of words, the beauty of which is lost in a fake smile and a fawning voice.
There are no prepared compliments; real praise is always spontaneous and sincere.
Praise the person for something specific, do not say general phrases, for example: “You are beautiful!” or you - good worker" Each person is an individual. Think about what kind of compliment you would like to receive? Which one is the most desirable for you? They say that women love to be told that they are irresistible. Emphasize what exactly, in your opinion, makes a particular woman irresistible. “I love the smell of your hair” sounds much nicer and gentler than “You are the best.”

Positive emotions can be given not only to a couple of closest people. Just try to smile at someone you like to a stranger and watch the reaction. And remember when you last time did you say a compliment right on the street? How has your mood changed? It is precisely because this praise was unexpected and sincere that you still remember it.

How to compliment your subordinates:

Any manufacturing process includes not only the relationship between people, but also relationships with management. A lot depends on how a leader behaves towards his subordinates.

Wise managers understand that handing out compliments left and right will not earn real authority. First of all, you need to be real good leader, objective, honest, tough if necessary. A compliment can only be considered as a piquant addition to your image. But here, too, it is important not to “overdo it.” It is important for a manager giving a compliment to his subordinate to remember the following.

If you want to note the responsibility and hard work of an employee, then pay attention to his specific achievements. Don’t be too lazy to expand on the phrase “You are a responsible person”: “...the way you handled the last project should become an example for all of us.” You will be pleasantly surprised by its performance in the future.
Better to give compliments professional qualities employee than personal.
Compliments to a person of the opposite sex that openly encourage flirting should be reserved for the appropriate relationship and setting.
The same compliment repeated over and over again loses its value.
If a manager gives personal compliments, but does not notice the employee's real achievements, this can serve to reduce work motivation.
When a manager intends to fire you, you should not “sweeten” the pill with personal compliments, as this will only lower the person’s self-esteem. It's better to try to be objective.

It is always easier for people to enter the production process when complicated personal relationships in the workplace do not interfere. This applies to the manager and subordinate, especially.

We must strive to ensure that the environment in the workplace is not ambiguous. When the relationship between a manager and a subordinate is “transparent,” it is easy and pleasant to both speak and receive compliments.

How to compliment men

The key word here is “talk”. Contrary to the popular belief that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (and women, as we remember, love with their ears), rather, it is about the stronger half of humanity that we can say that they love with their ears. Praise, compliments and even, to be honest, flattery are deeply loved by men. Just – shhh! – they will never admit it.

Yes, men need to be complimented. And maybe more often. By doing this, you will please your man and show him that he is special to you. And, believe me, you yourself will benefit from this! “Darling, last week you washed your mug like that after drinking water, just a sight for sore eyes. Can you wash all the dishes just as well now?” "Honey, you are so good father! You care so much about our son, yesterday you patted him on the head. Walk with him, please."

Of course, it’s not worth cutting off the shoulder at all. The compliment should still be believable; you should not stoop to rude flattery. If you say a thin man about what an athletic figure he has, it will seem strange, to say the least. don't invent something that doesn't exist. And only compliment sincerely. If you really like a colleague's new tie, tell him about it. But don't praise your boss's tie just because he's the boss. And then in the office cafeteria, talking about "those creepy colorful polka dots."

Don't "suck" compliments out of your finger. If I tell you in this moment nothing, just keep quiet. Do not set yourself the goal of praising a man at all costs. There is no need to reinvent the wheel: “Nikolai, you have a surprisingly graceful skull shape.” This will only confuse the man, and he will avoid you in the future.

If compliments for women are mainly addressed to their appearance and cause a surge of narcissism, then for men they are a signal for action. Therefore, before releasing the “arrow”, set it in the right direction. To do this, try to find out as much as possible about your man's hobbies. Do not make empty generalizations, pay attention to specific details.

Psychologists say that men should be praised deservedly, avoiding vague phrases with vague overtones: “You are so extraordinary today,” otherwise they will respond to you with sarcasm or wariness. If you don’t know where to start, play on your “instincts” - you won’t miss. Having seized the moment, frankly notice how courageous, reliable, sexy he is. However, if your man is smart and insightful, it's better to admire his intellectual achievements.

If you are interested in his activities, encourage him in moments of failure, actively discuss topics that are attractive to him, laugh at his jokes, listen carefully and patiently to his thoughts, emphasize his significance in the eyes of society and in yours personally - this will be a real compliment for him. And you will become not only true friend, a confidant, but also the most desired and only one.

To win a man’s attention, compliment him not too often, but in a timely manner and from the heart, avoiding ironic praise. Focus on his positive qualities or even a faint hint of their presence. And then any, most ordinary man, will inevitably turn into your prince.

How to compliment a friend

Alas, it can be extremely difficult to get pleasant words from a man - very often they do not understand why you need to talk about your charm and beauty all the time.

In view of this, compliments from a girlfriend can become a compensation for the lack of compliments from the stronger sex, because they are just as pleasant.

A compliment is somewhere between objectivity and flattery.

Have you ever thought about how you react to praise? Are you blushing embarrassedly? Drop the duty: "Thank you", "Thanks and you too"? Are you belittling your merits? Or do you ignore the interlocutor, considering his compliment inappropriate, self-serving or insincere? If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, this article is for you.

Passion.ru figured out why compliments are needed and how to accept them correctly. This allows you to improve interpersonal communication and increase self-esteem.

What are compliments and why are they needed?

A compliment (fr. compliment) is a form of praise, an expression of approval, respect, admiration; pleasant words and positive reviews.

Most people take compliments kindly. Still would! Compliments stimulate successful activities and behavior, elevate mood, improve relationships between people and increase self-esteem. And for all this to take place, it is important to enjoy compliments and respond to them correctly.

What prevents you from enjoying praise?

Low self-esteem, fear of becoming the center of everyone's attention
Believing that you haven't done anything special
The idea that a compliment obliges you to do something
Psychological stress, inability to communicate
Doubt in the sincerity of others, conflict, unwillingness to see positive in people, etc.

Three wrong reactions to a compliment

1. Embarrassment

People with low self-esteem do not know how to accept compliments - they turn pale, blush, look away, mutter something out of place, deny their merits, focus on their shortcomings: “What are you talking about! I have an absolutely terrible figure, these are the folds on my stomach!”

Consequences

If a red, embarrassed face and a downcast gaze can still make a sweet lady touching, then ridiculous muttering or an emphasis on one’s shortcomings will not create the best impression on the opponent.

For example, if a young man hears this from his girlfriend, he may wonder whether he needs a girlfriend “with a terrible figure”? If this becomes the property of a group of people, among them, perhaps, there will be those who directly or indirectly want to put pressure on the “sore spot.”

In addition, denying a compliment offends the interlocutor and hints to him that his opinion is not important.

2. Inability to respond to a compliment

For whom is it typical and what does it look like?

People who are afraid of being the center of attention and people who don’t know how to respond to compliments also tend to belittle or deny their merits or automatically respond with the notorious “Thank you,” “Thank you, too,” “You too.” pretty haircut" etc.

Consequences

A standard response to a compliment, copying a compliment, or answering “automatically” can give your interlocutor the impression that you are indifferent to him, are busy with your own business, and generally have no time for compliments (exchanging pleasantries).

3. Absent-mindedness and suspicion

For whom is it typical and what does it look like?

People with unfocused attention, distracted, excited, carried away by their thoughts, and suspicious people can easily ignore a compliment. Some - because they cannot switch their attention in time, and others - because they are internally preparing for battle: “Why is he suddenly? What does he want from me?

Consequences

The interlocutor may decide that you have become proud and a kind attitude towards others has become alien to you. If he doesn't know your personality traits (for example, absent-mindedness), this can lead to a deterioration in the relationship.

1. Smile back

A simple smile can be a good response to a compliment. It can be reinforced pleasant phrases type: "Thank you very nice to hear",“Thank you, you cheered me up so much!”, “Thank you for noticing.”. You can return a compliment with a compliment, just don’t copy it. Use your imagination, avoid cliches. It’s even useful to come up with your own blanks and use them as needed.

2. When answering your interlocutor, look him in the eyes

This way you will show your opponent that you are interested in communicating with him, that you perfectly heard what he was talking about and are ready for contact. It is worth remembering that a look at the floor, a wandering look subconsciously creates the impression of complete indifference and insincerity in the interlocutor.

3. Learn to sincerely enjoy a compliment

Despite the fact that life brings many trials, you should not expect constant tricks from it. Most likely, the employee who gave you a compliment wants to share your good mood, note your goodwill towards you or appreciate your professionalism, and therefore do not miss the moment to once again rejoice at being praised.

4. Don’t think for your interlocutor

Take the compliment literally, don’t invent anything extra and don’t prove to yourself otherwise. If you have questions, better ask. This will be better than tormenting in ignorance or, conversely, building castles in the air. The same goes for flattery:

many people like to test how you respond to flattery.

If you do not want to be flattered, turn the conversation into a joke, say directly: "You flatter me" or "You overestimate me";

if a compliment seems like blatant flattery or untruth to you...

Remember the saying: “How many people - so many opinions.” Accept praise as the other person's personal point of view. If you do not agree with the speaker at all, sincerely thank him, and treat what was said with irony.

5. Accept praise gracefully

It is important to emphasize that you enjoy the attention of others, but get carried away. Otherwise, you will be accused of pride or “star fever.”

6. Be natural

There is no need to be overly flirtatious or ask for a compliment. Firstly, arrogance has never graced anyone, and secondly, artificial compliments often do not correspond to reality.

7. Don't keep silent

Building good relationships requires the mutual participation of the interlocutors. If you notice that you are letting compliments fall on deaf ears, work on switching your attention.

8. Don’t pull back or stop your interlocutor

Don't respond with aggression to a compliment. It's impolite and unreasonable.

9. Don’t respond to a compliment “on the run”

Take a moment to pay attention to your interlocutor. Stop and thank them for your interest. If you still don’t have time to respond, and this happens, send an email with thanks or call. It is never too late to maintain good relationships and is always useful.

10. Separate the positive from the negative

Do not respond to a compliment with hidden reproach: "Is it true? I didn’t expect to hear something like that from you.”, “And who would have thought that you were capable of this”, "Wow! We are so polite!" If you have any complaints about your opponent, you should express them at another time.

11. Boost your self-esteem

If you have difficulty responding to compliments: you experience strong emotional stress, don’t like being praised, can’t figure out how to respond, or feel like leaving the room, your problem is low self-esteem. Work on improving it, learn to love yourself and appreciate your achievements.

How to help a person learn to accept compliments?

As we said above, people with low self-esteem or who do not know how to accept praise often deny their merits. You can fight the denial syndrome by correctly constructing the delivery of a compliment.

Try asking your interlocutor something after a compliment. Best to ask open questions, which by default require detailed answers (sometimes closed questions are also suitable). As a result, instead of denying his merits, the person will be forced to answer your question.

Examples:

"Aleksey, you have - wonderful work. Tell me, what means are best to convey the sultry summer/movement/lunar glow?” or “Why did you paint this particular picture?”
“Nadya, you always dress so well. What accessories do you think might suit my new look?”

Such techniques help a shy person cope with praise, and he begins to see you as a pleasant interlocutor with whom he can discuss common topics.

Olga VOSTOCHNAYA,
psychologist

Do you feel embarrassed when someone compliments you? Do you feel like you don't deserve any praise? Do you want to say something exculpatory in order to diminish your merits? If the answers to the above questions are positive, it means that you do not know how to properly accept compliments.

This fact may be due to low self-esteem, or the fact that you do not believe in the sincerity of the compliment, or are afraid of being the center of attention, and are afraid that you are being manipulated. But by accepting a compliment incorrectly, you can thereby offend the person who decided to give it to you.

Marina, Bank employee, 29 years old: “90% of people I know respond to a compliment: “No, no, it’s not about me...” It even becomes somehow offensive, I noticed something good, told the person about it, but he begins to refuse or make excuses."

On the other hand, people who pompously respond to praise: “Yes, I am like that. This compliment didn’t reveal anything new to me,” also don’t inspire much respect.

So how can you respond to compliments correctly, so as not to diminish your own merits and not to offend your interlocutor?

Remember how children emotionally react to praise, how they rejoice at it, how proud they are, they begin to clarify and ask to repeat pleasant words, because compliments motivate them to new achievements.

These emotions are so pure, so sincere that you want to praise the baby on occasion again and again. Of course, this does not mean that you need to react just as violently to compliments in mature age, but it’s worth learning from children to be open in this matter.

The ideal response to a compliment is a sincere smile (not a grin!) and discreet words of gratitude: “Thank you,” “Thank you.” In some cases, a more open response may be appropriate: “Really, did you notice? So glad. Thank you!". At the same time, if the interlocutor is not interested in you about the details of the subject of the compliment, you should not start sharing them.

For example, in response to a colleague’s compliment: “The color of the shirt is very nice, one of my favorites,” you should not indulge in explanations: “Yes, it’s not new. I bought it a hundred years ago in a vintage store. Yesterday I was just sorting out clothes in my closet and accidentally came across them. You know, the smell was still there!” It sounds funny, of course, but in most cases, without noticing it, we respond to compliments in this way. Think about how the person on whom you are throwing it all out feels at this moment? Agree that in the case described above, it would be much more appropriate to simply smile warmly and thank your colleague for the pleasant words addressed to you.

And, of course, in response to such praise, you should not frantically look for a return compliment in the spirit of: “You also look fine today. White color It refreshes you.” Such phrases sound quite insincere. It’s better to reward your interlocutor with a compliment another time, when the right opportunity arises.

Interesting fact. Did you know that by generously giving compliments to others, you save yourself from such a harmful feeling as envy.

If it seems to you that a compliment addressed to you is clearly exaggerated, still do not refuse it. Think about the fact that the person who makes it to you has the right to his own Subjective opinion, and it may be different from yours. So why not accept this compliment? Moreover, it is in your favor.

But asking for compliments is already bad form. Think about the fact that the color of your dress, which seems trendy to you, may not suit you at all. Those around you will correctly remain silent about this, but your phrase “Well, how do you like my new dress?” may put them in a difficult position. They will have to quickly make a choice between lying or the prospect of offending you. So it’s better to wait for praise than to ask for it.

Remember also that many people experience psychological awkwardness when receiving a compliment. To help a person accept the compliment you make correctly and comfortably, supplement it with a verbal “bridge”: “What is your beautiful colour shirts! Where did you buy this?” Thus, your interlocutor will be pleased with your words, and at the same time he will not experience discomfort, since you yourself have given him the direction of the answer.

When accepting compliments, we balance between letting it slide and turning our nose up too much at the praise we receive. As in any business, here it is worth sticking to the golden mean.

You have the right to enjoy compliments and deserve them, and the people who give them have the right to evaluate your achievements and speak about it!