Psychologist's consultation: what to do if the husband is a bore. Perfect couple: cheerful girl is bored with a guy

“Everything seems to be fine with us, even very good, but you know ... sooooo boring ... - one friend complains to another, looking sadly out the window. - I want to take a walk, go on vacation to a new place, go to an exhibition, to a disco ... There are so many interesting things in the world, so many things you want to do in this life, but you can’t pull him out of the house. My husband is a real bore! And no matter what I do, what inventions I don’t come up with, nothing helps. Day after day - the same, the same." Her friend sighs and silently nods, because she knows what it's like when you're bored with a guy. You sit like a girl in a dungeon: like, and not a prisoner, but own house more like a prison. And the only outlet is such a conversation ... However, is it really impossible to do anything in such a situation?

Why does the husband / boyfriend not agree to change: why is he so boring and boring?
What to do if the husband is boring? Why can't it be remade?
Is there a way to get a husband/boyfriend to stop being a bore?
What can be done so that the couple has only harmony and love, and not boredom and misunderstanding?

The problem when a girl is bored with a guy is not so rare. This happens in many families (couples). They just don't talk much about it. Someone complains in the kitchen with a girlfriend, someone is silent and sighs, someone harbors the hope that the chosen one will change. Not surprisingly, there are few solutions to this problem. And they all boil down to just two options:

• option-1: discussion of ways to change a husband so that he stops being a bore and turns into his antipode - a cheerful and enterprising lover of change;
• option 2: how to get rid of a boring husband / boyfriend - get a divorce and find yourself one with whom it would not be boring.

But surely every woman who has encountered a problem when her husband is a bore and bored with him knows that the first option is not working. Of course, I really want changes from him, but all movements in this direction turn out to be nothing more than walking through all the circles of hell - the husband becomes stubborn, offended, the gap between a man and a woman is growing. It's not surprising that long years trying to implement option 1, the only output we get is the output of option 2. However, it is not acceptable. Because you won't get divorced because he's a boring guy.

Therefore, there is only one thing left - to look for a third option. And here Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology comes to the rescue, which reveals the psychotypes of people through their vectors, which means it gives us hope to at least understand what is going on in the head of this stubborn and boring man.

Perfect couple: cheerful girl is bored with a guy

A boring, boring husband is always a man with an anal vector. And he sees him like this - exclusively a woman with a skin vector. It is in this pair that life scenario: a woman is bored with a man. And you can understand this couple only by seeing the difference between these two psychotypes.

A woman with a skin vector is a fast person. She likes to do many things at the same time, and the sooner the better. She even often counts in her mind: either seconds, or steps, or cherries, from which she digs out the bones. She loves to chat and talks very, very fast. She is an extrovert, she is proactive. Flexible, nimble, agile, nimble - that's all her best performance. She likes when there are changes in life - she is always interested in something new, unusual. Whether it's a new dress or a new movie. And as soon as she has to do some kind of the same type of work, for example, knitting, cross-stitching, she becomes deadly bored.

A man with an anal vector is almost its complete opposite. He is thoughtful, calm, silent. He is an introvert, speaks slowly and does not like being interrupted. Everything new causes a feeling of discomfort in him, therefore, in appearance, he is inactive and, as it were, unsure of himself. He likes everything old, traditional, settled. Him good memory He is a well-read person. He never does 10 things at the same time, on the contrary, he does only one thing, concentrating as much as possible on the quality of this case. He loves when everything is in order, when everything is on the shelves.

Surprisingly, attraction arises between such opposite personalities - this is how nature brings together people who ideally complement each other. It is easier and easier for such people to raise children together, to keep their couple, to defend themselves on the landscape. And this couple has a great future. If only they could see each other's advantages instead of judging the other through themselves.

But it is in the eyes of a skin woman that a guy with an anal vector seems boring, tedious and slow. No other woman sees it this way, because others don't have a burning desire for novelty, constant change in life and speed. Others describe this man as a serious, courageous, reasonable, wonderful father, caring husband.

We are very much mistaken when we see another person only through ourselves. Their good qualities seem to us the best, as a kind of guideline for what people should be. But if everyone were just like us, the world would not be so diverse. Someone has to be fast, and someone has to be reasonable. Someone should be a family man, and someone should fly into space. And in one person can not fit all the best. Meaning and essence are not in the sameness, but in harmony.

But what happens in our couple: the skin wife gnaws on her anal husband because he is a slow brake and a rare bore. He, too, does not lag behind: he is offended that she does obliquely, crookedly, as long as she is alive, goes for a walk with her friends, and does not sit at home and keeps a home. In his understanding, it is home neighborliness, traditionalism, regularity - the best character traits. And he measures her by herself, just as she measures him by herself. This always leads to quarrels, conflicts, disagreements, resentment and anger.

Bored guy: what to do?

First you need to understand a few inviolable theses:

• No one can ever change anyone for themselves - it's impossible. If a man was born with an anal vector, with excellent memory and analytical mind, he will never be remade into a person with a skin vector, a fast and nimble logician. Demanding changes from him is breaking through the knee, which never leads to anything good.
• If a man and a woman fell in love with each other, if an attraction arose between them, then this is an ideal couple and it is wrong to rush to destroy it because of mismatched desires and views on life. Moreover, even having destroyed this union, we are likely to fall in love with a person with an anal vector again - because attraction arises between people who are naturally suitable for each other.

Therefore, it is not worth it to destroy a family (relationships), or to build plans on how to remake a boring husband into a cheerful and fast one. Much better to choose option 3 - mutual understanding of the causes of behavior.

We are all different, but our problems are not because we are different. And for the reason that we do not understand each other, we evaluate each other exclusively through ourselves, through our qualities.

When the wife understands the features of the husband's psychotype, and the husband understands the wife, harmony is formed. This does not mean that he ceases to be boring, it means that the wife begins to see other qualities in him, and not exclusively a bore. We do not cancel ourselves, but we no longer collide foreheads, but become softer - we are looking for what connects us, and not what separates us. Someone somewhere yields, but somewhere he finds an opportunity to fulfill his desires in another place with other people. Like, for example, a woman with a boring husband begins to fill her desires for novelty through other ways that had never occurred to her before. And no wonder - after all, she was only busy with how to change her husband. Although things may be different...

boredom- this is a character trait of a person who can be described as an unpleasant person, tiring everyone with his own life position and imposing his thoughts. tediousness counts negative quality personality, since a boring person is perceived by others as an unpleasant type. Boredom is a quality of realists who gravitate toward negative evaluation and focus on shortcomings. Also boring personalities are pessimists.

Boring Synonyms: boring, annoying, boring. Boredom is the antonym of fascination, fun.

Boring people have no sense of humor, they are very serious and thorough in their discussions and firmly defend their personal opinions. The tediousness of a person does not allow to compromise, or at least sometimes agree with other people's views.

It is very difficult to communicate with a bore, he annoys him with his stories, which causes irritation in others. Boredom makes a person too self-confident.

Men are more likely to suffer from boredom than women. If a man is a bore, then everyone in the family will be under his pressure. Such a husband takes absolutely everything under his command - the general budget, homework, quality of cleaning, order, family fun, parenting.

Boredom can be stated in a wife who every day “nags” her husband for any little thing, blames all the troubles that happened to her personally, and “takes out his brain with this” every time again.

Boredom what is it? Boredom is a trait of a person who always looks down on his interlocutor. Often such bores are people who work for influential and wealthy bosses and have their own subordinates. They consider themselves elected, therefore they show pedantry and tediousness to other employees.

There is such an idea that tediousness is not so much a character trait as psychological problem personality. There are ways to treat boredom, so anyone "suffering" with this problem can get rid of it.

Signs of boredom

A person with a characteristic of tediousness is easy to recognize by certain signs. The bore often uses in his speech such categorical formulations as "I never ...", "I always ...", extreme statements, such as "I hate" or "I adore."

The tediousness of a person is expressed in his principles of life, therefore he knows how to twist something insignificant in such a way, giving it its own most important meaning.

This quality always pushes a person to be radically different from others. But this is not the preservation of individuality, this is a desire to prove one's superiority and uniqueness over others in almost everything.

Boredom does not allow him to perceive the indirect message of information, "read between the lines", so he needs an exact explanation, using precisely formulated definitions.

Since the concept of tediousness has synonyms - annoying and boring, it follows from this that main feature nerd is the lack of a sense of humor. Bores don't laugh at the jokes that get everyone hooked, but laugh their heads off at their own jokes that the rest of us don't understand. Boring individuals can “find” a serious meaning in a joke that they will unfold with their philosophical reasoning, as a result they can even come to a gloomy ending.

The bore is not able to distinguish something important from something secondary, which is why he often finds fault with various trifles. The bore often gets into awkward situations that he does not notice. People around him may make fun of him when he regular light the conversation turns into a debate and takes on an important, serious air.

They always try to get around a boring person, to avoid communication with him, because he tries to give everyone a portion of teachings. They tell everyone how to live, teach their own rules and give dozens of examples of situations in which it is necessary to act like them.

A boring person, communicating with an interlocutor, does not allow him to express his opinion, because he has his own arguments on any occasion, but often no one wants to listen to them. A boring person cannot find a worthy soul mate and save long term relationship with close friends. At one point, a person finds that he is being avoided and all possible meetings with him are limited. Thus, bores often become lonely.

It is difficult to force a bore to do something uncharacteristic for him, to show imagination, to stir up. Such a person is extremely fond of details, he is inquisitive and scrupulous, if you add slowness to this, then obsession will become even higher.

The inclination to obsession is formed in childhood, in the process of education or self-education, it is developed from the influence of factors and conditions of life.

A bore is a person who, with age, has acquired various complexes, prejudices, he thinks in a stereotyped way and acts habitually. Such a person forgets about momentary manifestations, spontaneity, creativity, fun, risk and dreams.

How to get rid of boredom

Since boredom is the opposite of fascinating, it means that a bored person needs to become fascinating and interesting.

How to treat boredom? If a person notices his boring quality, then it is worth actively looking for ways to treat boredom. It is necessary to react to this and change the habitual way of behavior. For example, dilute your home evenings with new activities, spend time with your girlfriend, visiting uncharted places, look for interesting and popular topics for conversations with friends, expand your circle of interests and knowledge.

One should be able to move away from the usual pastime, be an active, often unpredictable, positive and free person.

You need to set yourself up for positive mood. Funny people survive all difficulties much easier, with the help of humor they can easily get out of difficult situation without creating additional problems. Open and friendly personalities, they will always meet a friend with warm good words, always like others, they are drawn to them to communicate. Such (moderately) positive individuals will not dare to be called bores. If you overdo it with humor, you can earn the fame of the first clown.

To overcome the boring quality, you need to learn to be more accepting of people's behavior. So, if there is a feeling that you want to somehow respond to a person’s act, reproach, teach, then it’s better to step back, shut up, scroll through it in your head, but not express it, this is what expresses the tediousness of a person and alienates people from him.

Who likes to be criticized, corrected, pointed out a mistake, especially in a company. If you really want to make a remark, and it seems fair to you, then it’s better to find a time for this when the person is alone, so that calm atmosphere and be very tactful in expressing your opinion.

To get rid of tedium, instead of teaching others your principles (increasing self-respect, but falling in the eyes of others), listen and respect your interlocutors.

It’s rare that anyone loves a know-it-all upstart, you shouldn’t behave like that, it’s better to show your curiosity and interest in another. Until no one asks, do not distribute to people personal advice. Each individual is responsible for decisions taken and mistakes made. Tips that formed on the background personal experience, may not suit others, because other people participate in their situations, with other characters, they are influenced by other factors. Your advice can further spoil the situation and harm. You have to think big so you don't look like a bore. To overcome his own tediousness, a person must try to imagine himself in the place of another, and assess the situation with an objective look.

The tediousness of a person is expressed in the peculiarities of his speech, in the phrases: “In our time ...”. Therefore, you should keep your statements under control and use them in the appropriate place.

People who suffer from tediousness burden those around them with their own problems. If this is a conversation with close friends with whom it is being discussed personal life and there is an exchange of advice, then yes, such conversations are permissible, also do not forget - others also want to speak out. It's better to talk in general terms. The interlocutor, when he wants, will ask about the details himself.

In order not to demonstrate tediousness, it is important not to impose a personal society. When someone has no desire to talk, perhaps he is not in the mood, there is no need to insist on being included in the communication.

It is necessary to learn to follow the reaction of people, you can see from it that the interlocutor is tired, even when he does not directly say this. It is stopping at the right moment that will help a person overcome his own tediousness. Gradually, a habit is formed to focus less on details and end the conversation in advance, as it drags on and becomes boring to the interlocutor.

If an individual considers himself sufficiently educated, he should not demonstrate it everywhere, teaching others. Others may not like that they are interrupted and corrected in everything. It is better to let people make inaccuracies than to ruin relationships through trifles. What will be a way for a person to raise his own will be perceived by others as tediousness.

You should stop picking on others, understand that they have an independent decision on how to live. With your nit-picking, you will only show your tediousness, and will not be able to teach your wisdom.

In order to think more broadly and develop fantasy along with this, it is important to devote time to hobbies: reading literature, drawing, sewing, crafting. Over time, it will be possible to notice that thinking has gone in a different way and a person has become able to show his own initiative, to produce ideas. Realizing that everyone's fantasy is different, each individual wants to be respected as a person, so you need to respect individual plans and the ideas of others.

There is an observation that tediousness is more characteristic of such professions as a teacher, professor, lecturer. Their work is to repeat the same material over and over again and teach others. In order not to let boredom into you, you need to look for ways to make your work more exciting. For example, look for an additional new interesting information on the topic, conduct dialogues with students (students), so you can protect yourself from boring quality.

A boring man: does he have virtues and how to learn to live with his shortcomings

Any woman at least once in her life complained about male tediousness. And although outwardly men can be completely different: temperamental, sparkling, thoughtful or reckless, - tediousness characteristic strong sex. Where does it come from: does it develop with age, under the pressure of external circumstances, or is it inherited, like the color and shape of the eyes or the shape of the ears?!

Psychologists subdivide male bores, depending on the characteristics of behavior and psycho-emotional state into several categories.

First, this is a pessimistic bore. No matter what happens around, such a man will be constantly dissatisfied, and will forever whine about the misfortunes that can happen not only to him, but to the world as a whole. At the heart of this tediousness lies an enduring anxiety. Pessimistic men constantly tell others about how bad everything is, and how it will get even worse, in their hearts hoping that they will be dissuaded and reassured. This is a constitutionally depressive personality type, and most importantly, when dealing with such men, do not get infected with their eternal despondency and gloomy views on reality. Knowing that no reasonable arguments can change their views and attitudes to the surrounding reality, one should not forget that their anxieties and forecasts are most often groundless, and are built on subjective feelings. A woman next to this type of men is not easy. But the undoubted advantage of male pessimists can be considered the fact that they are unlikely to ever dare to betray or leave the family. It is enough for them to simply imagine for a second that a casual relationship can lead to scandals, troubles, illnesses, as the desire to “go left” immediately disappears.

In life, you can also encounter bores, the so-called rigid-aggressive type. Temperamental and energetic, active and enterprising, they like to arrange everything in certain order, on the shelves. At the same time, such men are stubborn, self-centered and, by all means, will achieve their goal to the end. What can cause laughter or irony in a woman leads such men to a state of anger. Such behavior is most often associated with the fact that a man cannot understand himself, is unable to cope with his own passions, and therefore strives for absolute order in the real life surrounding him. While mentoring a woman, accusing her of carelessness and stupidity, men of the rigid-aggressive type are firmly convinced that their notations are only for the benefit and good of the woman herself. The best way communication with such subjects - complete agreement in everything. This is the same situation when they say that it is better to surrender than to try to explain why you do not want to do it.

Men of this type are very purposeful, quite successfully moving up the career ladder and making a career, reaching a high position. Therefore, they also have a huge plus: next to such a bore, you can feel like behind a stone wall - confidently and calmly.

There is another type of men whose tediousness is difficult to bear and often causes sincere bewilderment. These are male introverts, focused only on their personal inner world. In communication, they quickly become emotionally exhausted, they have a feeling of anxiety, especially if the interlocutor is an energetic, noisy and cheerful girl. That is why they periodically need to withdraw into themselves, renouncing the surrounding reality. This does not speak of a partner’s neglect, as most of the fairer sex mistakenly think, but, on the contrary, of his complete trust and hope for understanding, which is extremely difficult for him to express in another way.

Psychologists, considering the generalized image of a male bore, highlight its characteristic features:

Lack of ability to distinguish the main from the secondary (this explains the constant nit-picking on trifles);

Deprivation of a sense of humor (an anecdote on the topic of the day can cause lengthy, philosophical discussions, often with a gloomy ending);

Inappropriateness of behavior (when a light, non-binding dialogue is conducted at the level of professorial debates and with a serious look, while the speaker does not even notice the ridicule of others).

And yet, you should not stagnate in a relationship with a man on his tediousness and, moreover, not succumb to his influence. It is best to perceive this as an unfortunate lack of a partner. In the end, you can keep silent or agree, while doing it your own way. That is why a woman is given wisdom, generously seasoned with cunning.

Psychologists divide male bores into several categories, which depend on the psycho-emotional state and behavioral patterns.

The first category of male bores are male introverts. They are, one might say, fascinated by their own world. Such tediousness is very difficult to endure, because it sometimes frightens and causes sincere bewilderment. When communicating, such men quickly spend their energy, and emotions are replaced by a feeling of anxiety, especially in those moments when there is a noisy, cheerful and energetic girl nearby. Because of this, they are simply forced from time to time to withdraw into themselves in order to renounce the surrounding reality. This does not mean at all that the partner neglects you, as you may mistakenly think, on the contrary, he completely trusts you and hopes that you understand him, but he cannot express it differently.

The second category of nerds you might encounter are men of the rigid-aggressive type. They are active, energetic, enterprising and temperamental, they constantly put everything on the shelves in a certain order. At the same time, this type of men is self-centered, stubborn, so no matter what it costs them, they constantly go to the end and achieve their goals. A man cannot understand himself, cannot cope with his thoughts and passions, therefore he tries to put things in order in his real and surrounding life.

Men of the rigid-aggressive type constantly teach a woman and accuse her of carelessness, while they think that a woman's hannotation is only for the benefit and benefit. It is best to communicate with such men with the help of full consent. This is exactly the situation when it is better to agree than to explain why you do not want to do this.

Despite such a huge lack of tediousness, these men are very purposeful and rather quickly move up the career ladder, change positions, rapidly moving to the highest, and achieve what they have in mind. Therefore, let you be bored with him, calmly and confidently, with such a man you will be like behind a stone wall.

The third category includes pessimistic bores. In any situation, such men are unhappy and always whine about various problems and misfortunes that can happen not only to them, but to everyone else. Such tediousness is based on enduring anxiety. These bores all the time tell other people about how bad everything is and will get worse every day, while they themselves hope that they will be reassured and dissuaded. This type of personality is called constitutional-depressive, so the most important thing when you communicate with such men is not to get infected with gloomy views on life and eternal whining. You know that no reasonable arguments can change their attitude to the surrounding reality, but do not forget that the forecasts and anxieties of male bores do not mean anything, they are usually based on subjective sensations. Any woman in a relationship with such a man feels uneasy. However, such men have boredom and dignity. They are unlikely to ever cheat on you and leave the family. They are just beginning to think about betrayal and already imagine how troubles, illnesses and scandals will follow, so all thoughts of going “to the left” immediately disappear.

In general, there are a lot of bores and psychologists have identified a generalized image of such a man with the most common and characteristic features.

1. They cannot distinguish the secondary from the main, that is, they constantly find fault with trifles.
2. They are devoid of a sense of humor, because one anecdote can cause not laughter or even a smile, but only philosophical reasoning, which, as a rule, ends rather gloomily.
3. Their behavior is inappropriate, it can manifest itself at the moment, for example, when people are having a light, laid-back, cheerful conversation, and he will sit and insert his five cents, that everything is bad or that they are somehow incorrectly expressed somewhere.

Even if your chosen one turned out to be a boring man, then do not focus on his boringness, and moreover, try not to succumb to his influence. Just take it as an unpleasant flaw in a man. However, in any case, you can simply agree with them to remain silent, but at the same time do it anyway in your own way. For this, a woman owns wisdom, which is well seasoned with cunning.