Letter from a psychoanalyst to a teenager: let your child read this. A teenage girl left a secret message before her death

In the heading "Question to the psychologist" comes to me a large number of letters from teenagers. Today I decided to answer several letters at once, as the problems of teenagers are very similar to each other. The psychology of a teenager is already different from the psychology of a child, but still does not reach the psychology of an adult.

Teenage problems

Question from Olga: “Everyone is in a hurry. Where? Why? There are so many people around, but they don't seem to notice each other. From the age of thirteen I communicate with boys, I easily find a common language with them. But the guys are trying to get something from me, and I have my own principles. The girls are discussing me, they consider me a walker. I try to ignore it. I met with many guys (it didn’t reach the bed). And, in my opinion, I already know them so well that I want to have more and more male friends. But, alas, guys leave me because they want more from me than.

But the main thing is that I do not understand the girls, although I try, I am looking for an approach to them. I have good friends but we fight all the time and I blame them. They always think only of themselves. What about others? I love them all, but I can't find a common language with anyone. Now I'm dating a guy. I try to explain my point of view to him, but he also does not understand me, like my parents. What should I do and how should I behave?

Answer: Olga, you are apparently very lonely, despite your assurances that you find a common language with guys and that you have girlfriends. It looks like you're in conflict with the whole world. Unfortunately or fortunately, all people, more or less thoughtful, in their youth suffer from a lack of understanding of others. This is a natural process: a person wants to understand himself, find life guidelines, understand what to strive for.

You want the world, the people around you to be the way you pictured them in your imagination: everything should be harmonious, everything should be arranged according to the laws of goodness. Alas, the reality is far from our illusory ideas about it. It's great that you have your own point of view, it shows that you are a person.

But people do not like it when someone imposes their point of view on them, they are not obliged to share it. Try to learn to listen to other people's opinions. You will discover many interesting things for yourself. I can admit that it is quite difficult to communicate with you. You have high expectations for people. Here you write that you constantly quarrel with your friends and blame them for this. Blaming others just for being different is a thankless task. And you try to understand them and accept them as they are.

You will succeed if you really love them. You resent that people thought and think only about themselves. But it's so natural! Don't fight windmills, learn to listen to people. To be able to listen to another is a rare quality. And you will see, people will tear off their masks in front of you. And the fact that they are in a hurry somewhere, for some reason ... Have you ever thought that they simply have a goal in life. Believe me, this rush awaits you ...
Olya, learn to accept people as they are, and then it will be much easier for you to find a common language with them.

Question from Anna: “My name is Anya, I am 14 years old. A year ago, in my grandmother's village, I met a very handsome guy. I fell in love with him, and after two weeks of meeting, we became close. He had a lot of girls before me, and he also did “this” with them - that's what he told me himself. We made love every day. Then I went to the city, wrote to him, but he did not answer, not a single letter. Came - he did not come to me. And he also took an oath from me that I would not leave him, that I would always wait, love. And so he left me. What do i do? Maybe become very attractive so that he sees me and thinks: Why did I leave her? Help me please!"

Answer: Anya, I have to admit that you behaved with this “very handsome guy” rather frivolously. First, she went on about his base desires. After all, apparently, you did not have a great desire to enter into intimacy with him - you gave in, fearing that if you refused, he would leave you. Secondly, she trustingly listened to his boastful fables that “he had many girls, and he also did“ this ”to them. Thus, he "persuaded" you. And you were embarrassed to be different from this lot of his girls (which I don't believe in).

Of course, a thirteen-year-old girl can confess to eternal love so that she, naive and inexperienced, immediately trusts you in everything. After all, such a girl believes that “this” does not happen without love. You fell in love, buying into vows and promises. You wrote letters hoping for an answer. And he ... just took what he needed and went on through life - to look for a new victim. Please, Anya, become very attractive, walk past him with your head held high and don't give in anymore. He is not worth your love or your suffering. That's for sure. Everything is still ahead of you - and normal guy, And real love. I also advise you to read here about how to find out if a guy is serious about you or not.

Question from Christina : “Over the long years of friendship, I realized that I was losing my girlfriend. I have been friends with V. since the sixth grade, and during this time we have never quarreled. We shared everything with each other - both good and bad. When I felt bad, she was always there and gave good advice. But now something is happening to her. She has become so irritable lately. He hardly speaks to me. Made friends with another girl. But most importantly, V. quarreled with my boyfriend. I don't understand what I did to her. I never wished her harm. Now I don't believe in true friendship. The flame that had been burning for three years had already gone out. Why did this happen and how can I trust people?

Answer: Christina, probably, the light has not gone out if it still hurts you to experience a breakup with a friend. And, probably, even more than her incomprehensible behavior, you are tormented by the unknown: why did this happen? You do not delve into the details of your conflict, so it is difficult to judge the reasons that gave rise to it. Remember well recent months your friendship. Maybe you unwittingly offended your girlfriend? Sometimes we are very reckless in words and deeds.

If you can’t remember anything like that, there is only one sure way out. Throw away doubts, timidity, worries - call her to straight Talk. Do not be shy to let your girlfriend know that you feel bad without her, that your breakup torments you, that she means a lot to you, that three years of your friendship give you reason to be considered very close people. And what between close people can be omissions? Just don't blame or blame her. Only calmly and kindly can you find out the relationship, find out the truth, draw the right conclusions. Don't be afraid to have an open dialogue and just talk to her.

This is interesting:

Question from Anastasia: “Everything in my life turned upside down. I came across the real first. I flew in the clouds with happiness. And suddenly ... he almost stopped greeting me. I was angry, offended, thinking about him day and night and still wanted to achieve his love. I managed to persuade his friend, and so they invited me and my girlfriend to take a walk in the forest, have a cultural rest and have a little drink to cheer us up.

The drink turned out to be quite strong, and soon we could barely stand on our feet. We told each other everything we had been thinking about for more than two months, declared our love and were in seventh heaven with happiness. We talked about the fact that although we were drunk, we were all glad that we had opened our souls to each other. But then he began to sober up and speak more seriously, but still the truth, although not as pleasant as before.

He never drank, never smoked, never dated anyone, and went in for sports seriously. Everything has changed because of me. He became friends with a cool company from our school. And now they wanted to make him a “six”, “protection?”. He could neither agree nor refuse. But now I know one thing: if someone finds out that I am dating him, then I am finished. They will make me a mordant or let me go hand in hand. No one can “shine” in our world. We must sit quietly, forgetting about all love. And do not be offended by a person who you like, but does not want to “spoil” the girl and her fate. Maybe for the cool there is at least someone they respect ?!

Answer: Anastasia, it seems to me that both in your relationship with him and in your soul is a complete mess. Let's go in order. There is nothing good in the fact that you decided to sort things out with him while drunk. And not so much because a young lady should not get drunk to the point where her legs can barely hold, but for a different reason. In drunk people, all feelings and emotions are exacerbated. In other words, they are ready either to love others immensely, or to hate just as immensely. The objectivity of perception of the world is lost. Therefore, if I were you, I would not believe in his drunken assurances of eternal love. Here you can read about how sincere and true love differs from psychological dependence.

In those moments, he perfectly understood that you were not indifferent to him - so why not take advantage of this somehow? But most likely, this was not enough for him. He decided to appear before you as a kind of hero-martyr: they say, he contacted the company, he is being forced, and he is so noble that he does not want to “set up” his beloved girl. If before he was so positive, then what made him turn off the righteous path? After all, they did not force him to join the notorious company by force. And what does it mean, “could not agree or refuse to become the “six”? Is he a coward? Or does he live in some kind of dense kingdom, where everyone is against him, and he is completely alone, defenseless, unable to get out of circumstances? Nastya, try to get him out of your head. If he wants, he will come and explain himself to you.

The problems of teenagers are always different from the problems of adults, as they see the world in completely different colors and tones. And the adults who are close to the teenager should understand this and stop treating the teenager like a child and start talking to him like an adult. Only in this case, your child will see you as a friend, not an enemy.

Mutual understanding and harmony to all!

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Today's topic of our conversation does not promise to be easy. It's about suicide notes. And immediately there are associations with suicides. But in most cases, it is they who leave farewell messages. Let's talk about it.

Suicide note and suicide

Is a person who voluntarily passed away weak or strong? How to decide on this? For most people, this is simply not possible. Why is this happening? As a rule, the answers lie in dying messages. Disease can be the cause unrequited love, a huge debt hole and many other circumstances. In them, suicides ask for forgiveness for their unauthorized departure from life, or, conversely, they blame someone for their death.

The number of young people who have passed away is growing every year. This is not just scary, but in most cases it can be avoided, warned. You need to listen to your children, participate in their lives. It's hard not to notice internal changes and torment, you should not hide from problems, they need to be solved, help your child always and in everything.

The scary thing is that many teenagers are preparing for this incredibly unreasonable step for a long time. They watch forums, communicate with potential suicides like themselves, study information on how to write a suicide note correctly. But by their actions they warn of their intention to leave this world.

Let's talk about teen suicide

More often commit suicide young people 10-14 years old. At the same time, it cannot be said that these are children from bad families. In 78% of cases, it was revealed that they lived in decent conditions.

There is no clear answer to the question why children take this terrible step. Psychologists, working with children who managed to survive after a suicide attempt, identified several main reasons:

Hopeless love. Adolescence is a period of growing up. Children see the world differently. They change physiologically, leaving the cozy home world. They begin to build other relationships with others. From the age of 12-13, children copy the character traits of people in whom they see their idol. Therefore, it is very important to remain a friend for the child and, of course, a model of behavior. The child must be sure that you will support him in any case, listen and give advice.
Loss of meaning in life. A child, for any reason, can immerse himself in himself, close. These may be problems with peers at school, poor relationships with family people. And parents, not noticing the problem, will be glad that the child is calm and diligent. It is necessary to feel your child, be interested in his life, constantly talk.
Loneliness. A very common problem. Sometimes, due to various reasons children are left to their own devices. When parents disappear at work, and an old grandmother looks after the child. They lack attention. And then they begin to try by any means to turn it on themselves. And suicide is one way. The child goes to extremes to hear his cry of the soul, and in most cases he does not want death, but you can’t joke with it. Death "pretend" can become real.
Death to spite. Often children manipulate their parents in this way if they do not buy or perform something. Like, I'll die to spite them, let them suffer.
Family dramas. Scandals and troubles that occur in front of children very often cause suicide. They fall into depression, the terrible stress that they experience with unstable mental development exacerbates the situation. It's hard to deal with this problem on your own. It is even worse when, in the midst of a family drama, a child involuntarily becomes a witness to the words that he is a burden and a hindrance. In most cases, this becomes the last straw for taking a terrible step into the abyss, and the suicide note left behind is all that remains ...

Parents, find time for your children, show care, give love and affection. We devote so much attention to this issue, because child suicide is a tragedy for all mankind. Teenage suicide notes - bells ...

Alarms

To never find terrible letters, you need to learn to see and hear your children. What you should pay attention to:

Closure. If the child sits at home, closed in the room, does not go out, does not make friends with anyone, and it happens to be taciturn with you. Communicate more, hug, kiss the child. The kid should understand that he can always turn to you for help.
Indifference. The child is not interested in anything, is able to study well, but without enthusiasm, to fulfill the requirements, due to the lack own desires. Offer to do something, sign up for a section or circle. Having found a hobby, he will perk up, find meaning in life.
Simulation of illness and inventing terrible diagnoses. The child thus conveys that he is lonely and hurt, and when you are around, it becomes easier. Then they gradually come to suicide and begin to scare them. But to our great regret, there are many cases when staged death became real.
The most disturbing call is when children speak and imagine how bad it will be for relatives and friends without them. At first, they often think about suicide, but these are just thoughts at the level of imagination. The more often you turn them in your head, the less absurd they seem. The idea grows into a thought form. One minor breakdown can be the last straw. Having noticed these symptoms in a child, contact a competent psychologist.

There can be many reasons, but when loving your child, they are hard not to notice, just do not close your eyes to disturbing calls.

You ask who is to blame?

Child psychologist O. Voroshilova, who treated children after suicide attempts, claims that the full blame lies with the parents. And in most cases it turns out that the children lived in families with a bad psychological climate.

It is important for the child:

Understand that there are no unsolvable problems.
Know that parents will always hear and understand.
Have confidence that, having come with grief, you will not reject it, but support it, you will not begin to read moralizing.
So that relatives take his problems seriously and with understanding.

You need to rejoice that the child turned to you, and not to a friend, and shared happiness or misfortune. It means that he trusts, and together you can overcome all difficulties. The main thing is to show the child that life is amazing and beautiful, and no matter what happens, there is a way out.

How do people decide to cross the line of life?

The statistics are terrible, over the past twenty years, about 800 thousand suicides have occurred in Russia, and the country is in second place in the world in terms of the prevalence of suicides. Men commit suicide more often than women, the average age of male suicides is 45 years, women - 52 years.

What is suicide? Causes

This is nothing more than an extreme way of escaping from yourself. A person at the time of this deep personal crisis experiences a strong emotional overload, and suicide is seen as the only (unreasonable) way out for him.

Suicide can be conditionally divided into accentuated and real. An imaginary suicide happens in a state of passion, and a suicide note is not found at the scene of the tragedy. In most cases, such a suicide does not end in death, because a person screams out his inner pain in such a way, he asks for help.

A real suicide is a carefully planned event. The dying message is written consciously, has meaningful information. What drives people to take this desperate step:

unrequited love;
family trouble;
feeling of loneliness;
serious illness;
loss of a loved one;
state of depression.

The suicide note of a suicide may indicate who drove him to this extreme. So the reasons are:

bullying physical and moral;
bullying;
rape;
religious fanaticism;
blackmail, slander, humiliation.

But this is punishable by law. This is stated in article 110 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation “Inciting to suicide”. The World Health Organization has presented data that every 40 seconds there is one suicide in the world, and attempts to commit suicide are 20 times more than deaths from suicide.

Let's talk about the death messages of famous people

Boris Notkin, presenter of the TV Center TV channel, passed away at the age of 75. He was found dead at a dacha in the Moscow region in the Odintsovo district. A note was found next to the body. What was written in Notkin's suicide note? It contained the cause of his death. He voluntarily passed away because he was tired of suffering. In May 2017, he was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor of the fourth degree. Notkin's suicide note testified to his voluntary departure from life.

The famous TV presenter decided not to suffer, because the disease turned out to be incurable, and to commit suicide. Nearby was found a suicide note from Boris Notkin and a hunting rifle, which he allegedly acquired for defense, from which a gunshot was fired. Boris Notkin's suicide note was discovered by his wife.

Another loud shock

Kurt Cobain, the lead singer of Nirvana, died in 1994. After that, a suicide letter written by the musician shortly before his death was found.

It was kept secret, due to doubts whether it was his handwriting and when it was written. But the authorities of the state of Washington still released the contents of Kurt's suicide note, which is attached to the case file.

His body, with a bullet through his head, was found on the floor of his Seattle apartment, four days after his death. The murder weapon was on his chest. Cobain's suicide note was addressed to his fictional childhood friend Bodda.

A large dose of heroin was found in the blood, but the police announced that the cause of death was a gunshot wound. Let's talk about the contents of Cobain's suicide note. But first, let us recall the facts of his biography.

What is he - a rock idol of millions?

He grew up in an ordinary family, his father is a mechanic, his mother is a waitress. He developed an interest in music two years old. His aunt and uncle were also musicians, and at the age of seven Kurt received

Being an eight-year-old youth, he is going through a divorce of his parents, it is very difficult. After this family drama, he becomes closed and even hostile. There was cynicism in character. At first he lived with his mother, then his own uncle committed suicide. Kurt loved him unconditionally. Then he moved to Montesano to his father, but, not finding common language with a new wife, left his house. As a teenager, he lived alternately with both parents.

Musician Warren Mason taught fourteen-year-old Kurt to play the guitar. After graduation, for a long time the guy hung around doing nothing, having fun with friends. In 1986, he got a job, on the eighth day he was arrested for drinking alcohol on foreign territory.

Subsequently, he organized a musical group, which soon broke up. Then Nirvana was born. Music combined two styles: punk and pop. The group gained incredible popularity in 1991. The halls attracted thousands of spectators. He became his wife They had a daughter

The death of an idol

Since childhood, Kurt suffered from psychological disorders and was forced to take special drugs. And also at a young age, he tried drugs and became addicted to them, gaining real addiction. Of course, the divorce of his parents had an effect, and his paternal uncles, alcoholics, mentally ill people who committed suicide, left their mark on his psyche.

The musician began to use heroin and suffered a severe overdose. Friends persuaded him to go to the clinic for rehabilitation, but he escaped from it.

On April 8, 1994, a friend found him dead in the house. Fans continue to believe that a murder was committed.

Kurt Cobain's suicide note in Russian had the following meaning

The beginning tells that he lost the meaning of life and love for music. Kurt talks about his shame about this, writing that standing backstage when the roar of the crowd explodes, his heart does not skip a beat. That he does not have such a passion for his work, like Freddie Mercury, who appreciated every second spent on stage, loved the audience and bathed in their applause. He opens his soul, turns himself inside out, saying that he is unable to deceive his viewer. He does not want to pretend anymore and go on stage, the time has come to leave it. Shouting great love for people, fans, shows his humanity. His emotional state brought to a boiling point, no return.

He mentioned his wife and daughter in the letter. He expressed his boundless love for them. He conducted a subtle psychoanalysis of seeing himself in his daughter. Frances is a dead rocker, becoming self-destructive and miserable like him. He is grateful for his good life, but marks the seven-year milestone of the psychological anguish of the child's soul, about hatred and love for humanity. He considered himself too impulsive and predictable. Having lost his passion, he chose a bright and short life, in fact, boring, meaningless and long. These were his last words in a letter. He expressed his love for his wife and daughter, asked his wife never to give up for the sake of Frances, whose life would be better without him.

After the death of the great musician, his diary gained immense popularity, the quotes of which became just as legendary. The suicide notes of people testify to the loss of a loved one, friend, idol. Reading them, you understand that the person is no more, only lines remain.

Mikhail Zadornov

Most recently, the outstanding writer and satirist Mikhail Zadornov passed away, he left us at the age of 69. He was a member of the Writers' Union of Russia, published more than a dozen books. He was the author and host of many television shows, in particular such as "Full House" and "Laughing Panorama".

A year ago, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He published in social network"VKontakte" information that for this reason the concerts are cancelled. After a course of chemotherapy in a Berlin clinic, Zadornov underwent rehabilitation in the Baltic states. The disease was not defeated. They decided to stop the painful treatment.

On November 10, 2017, the great satirist Mikhail Zadorny passed away. He said that all methods of treatment have already been tried, nothing helps. The last will was the desire to go to Jurmala and live out his life there in peace, surrounded by loved ones.

Zadorny's suicide note is more likely not a message, but a demand in which he outlined three wishes:

Save the library. Nikolai Zadorny in Riga, do not stop its funding.
The second desire was the will to be buried in his father's grave.
Transport the body by ground means of transport.

The legendary satirist Mikhail Zadornov will remain forever in our hearts.

About the dying message of V. Mayakovsky

The poet's death remains a mystery to this day, whether he left this world himself or was helped to do so. Let's talk about the contents of the poet's suicide note, which dates back to 1930. He wrote the letter two days before his death. At first, doubts arose whether this letter was his, as it was written in pencil, with virtually no punctuation marks. They later determined that it was genuine.

So, what was written in Mayakovsky's suicide note? The great poet asked not to blame anyone for his death and not to speak badly of him after his death, they say, the dead do not like it. He asked for forgiveness from relatives and friends, warning that this was not a way out, and this should not be done, but not in his case. He also ordered in a letter to give his creations to the Brik family. And he also said about 2,000 rubles in his desk to pay taxes, and ordered the rest to be received from Giza.

This letter allows us to conclude that Mayakovsky was a responsible person. It would seem that he is dying, after death it is all the same, but he worried about his relatives.

This message has caused a lot of controversy. Why did he mention it there in the same row with close people, thus framed a married woman? But there was an explanation for this, the poet wanted to secure her financially, and everyone knew about their connection anyway.

Another interesting fact. He writes, they say, Lilya Brik, love me. But everyone knows that there was no love for a long time, and indeed, she never loved the poet. Yet he leaves his legacy in her hands, because she, like no one else, understood his work, was very tenacious and had great connections.

The poet wanted his creations to be preserved and lived. That is why he entrusted them to the Briks. And there is a phrase that confirms this, they say, let's forget all the strife and resentment, and love me after my departure.

The letter also contained a quatrain, the first lines of which, logically, should be addressed to Lilya Brik. He wrote that the event had exhausted itself, the love boat was smashed against everyday life. I decided to leave, so there is no place for mutual insults and reproaches. But it's still not about her. Lilya lived in excellent conditions, she rowed everything herself. And in difficult moments of the poet's life, when he needed support, she left him. The Brick family went to London to live with Lily's mother.

When the ill-fated shot rang out, Lily and her family were not around. But they managed to arrive by April 16 at the time of the funeral. After that, Lily burned all the letters that he kept. She destroyed the great property, evidence of the poet's life, pages of his biography.

She also seized the diary, published some fragments, and then completely banned it, just like her diaries.

If "love boat" does not refer to the spouse, then what did the poet mean? Maybe this is connected with the main version of suicide? After all, so many troubles fell upon him overnight, maybe he simply could not stand it, which led to nervous breakdown and such an outcome.

Could failures bring the great poet to death? Rather, no, he was attacked throughout his life, and the most severe. And not only from literary critics, but also from friends. And the authorities did not like his poetic thinking and style. He learned to fight back in disputes, knew how to defend himself. In his farewell letter, he also addresses Yermilov, thereby expressing his desire to continue discursive strife. Therefore, failures could not bring to such a critical state. Moreover, new works were written.

Perhaps it is about unrequited love. In his life there was also a third woman whose marriage the poet did not want to believe. Fate separated them. She went to France and stayed there. The state of the country did not allow to return. She relied on the almighty Mayakovsky, but he himself could not bring the lady of his heart to the humblest penates, especially when such changes were taking place in the country: prices rose, Stalin canceled the NEP, the shelves in the shops were empty, and she got used to a different life, yes and what will he do in the USSR?

Mayakovsky was afraid of a stray bullet, to be left alone. Nora lived with her theater, Lily did not love him at all, but, alas, it did not work out with Tatyana. Love boat crashed on life ...

On April 14, early in the morning, he sent a telegram to France, to Tatyana Yakovleva, saying that the poet Vladimir Mayakovsky shot himself in Moscow today.

Level B. My world.

Teens' problems

People face different problems every day. These can be some problems concerning work, money, and just personal problems in the family. But not only adults have problems. Teens also have their own and not easy problems.

One on the most important is the problem concerning further education. Not every teen can immediately decide what he will be in the future. This situation is very difficult. Only a few of them know their goal, and it`s very important for further developing their abilities and talents. Knowing what you want is really a pawn of great success.

As for me, I have not decided yet what I will be in the future, but in our school in the eighth form we are to choose the majors of our further education. I understand that, if I don't like any subject, I shouldn't despair, I have just o try other sciences. But, if I want to have a good result, I should work hard and not be lazy.

A personal life is very important for young people too. It influences their behavior, character, and, especially, their studies. If a teenager has problems in his family he will be sharp, aggressive, and very vulnerable. It's very difficult for him to study, and he doesn't have any energy for creation. Usually, parents cannot understand what has happened to their child. Sometimes they scold him, but it only underestimates the teen's self-esteem.

Sometimes teens are involved in a bad company. They strive to “stand out of the crowd”. That's why they do stupid and dangerous things.

I think that parents should know what their child does. It's very good when there is always confidence and understanding in the family.

Another main problem for teenagers is the first love. It is not easy to understand if it is a real love or just some affection. Sometimes they need their parent's support.

Despite all these difficulties and problems, it is really a good age. Adults often remember those years, the years when they were young, with pleasure. And soon all problems will go away, and there will be only good impressions in the memory!

People face different problems every day. These may be some troubles regarding work, money and just personal problems in the family. But not only adults have difficulties in life. Teenagers also have their own not simple problems.

One of the most important is the problem of further education. Not every teenager can immediately decide who he will be in the future. This situation is very difficult. Only a few of the youth know their purpose, and this is very important for the further development of their abilities and talents. Knowing what you want is really the key to great success.

As for me, I have not yet decided who I will be in the future, but in our school in the eighth grade we have to choose the direction for further education. I understand that if I do not like any subject, I should not despair, I should try other sciences. But if I want to have a good result, then I need to work hard and not be lazy.

Personal life is very important for young people too. It affects their behavior, character, and especially their studies. If a teenager has problems in his family, then he will be sharp, aggressive, and very vulnerable. It is very difficult for him to study and he has no energy for creativity. Usually parents cannot understand what happened to their child. Sometimes they scold him, but this only lowers the teenager's self-esteem.

Sometimes teenagers get into bad company. They strive to "stand out from the crowd". So they do stupid and sometimes dangerous things.

I think parents should know what their child is doing. It is very good when there is trust and understanding in the family.

Another important problem for teenagers is first love. It is not so easy to understand whether this is true love or just sympathy. Sometimes they need the support of their parents.

Despite all these difficulties and problems, this is a really good age. Adults often remember with pleasure the years when they were young. And soon all problems will disappear, and only good impressions will remain in your memory!

Dear Parent,

I would like to write you such a letter.

About this battle that you and I are fighting. I need her. I need this fight. I can't tell you about it because I don't have the right words and it would still be pointless. But I need this fight. Very. I need to hate you now and I need you to get over it. I need you to get over that I hate you and that you hate me. I need this fight even though I hate it too. It doesn't even matter what we're arguing about: hang up, Homework, washing, my dirty room, walking, staying at home, leaving, not leaving, boyfriend, girlfriend, no friends, bad friends. Doesn't matter. I need to argue with you about this and I need you to argue with me in return.

I desperately need you. Held tight as I tossed about at the other end - while I searched for handholds and footholds in this new world I had entered. I used to know who I am, who you are, who we are. But now I don't know. Now I'm looking for my limits, and sometimes they're only found when I tug on you. When I take everything I used to know to the limit. Then I feel that I exist, and at least for a minute I can breathe. I know that you miss the sweet child that I was. I know this because I also yearn for him, and this longing adds even more pain to me now.

I need this fight, and I need to know that no matter how bad or strong my feelings are, they won't destroy you or me. I need you to love me even at my worst, even when I don't seem to love you. I need you to love yourself and me now for the two of us. I know how bad it is when you don't like and they call you a bad person. I feel that way on the inside too, but I need you to bear it and seek help from other adults. Because I can't help you right now. If you want, call all your adult friends and have a blow off party among your "how to survive with a teenager" support group, I agree. You can talk about me behind my back, I don't care. Just don't leave me. . I need her.

This battle will teach me that my shadow is no greater than my light. This battle will teach me that bad feelings don't mean the end of a relationship. This battle will teach me to listen to myself, even when it may disappoint other people.

This particular battle will end. Like any storm, it will subside. I will forget everything, and you will forget. And then she'll be back. And I will need you to hold the rope again. I will need this again and again for many years to come.

I know that this difficult matter is inherently not at all pleasing to you. I know that I will most likely never thank you for this or even acknowledge your role in all of this. You know, I'll probably even criticize you for all this hard work. It will seem like whatever you do is never enough. Still, I rely entirely on your ability to stay in this fight. It doesn't matter how much I argue. It doesn't matter how much I mope. It doesn't matter how great my silence is.

Please hold your end of the rope. And know what anyone can do for me right now.

With love, your teenager.

Gretchen Schmelzer

TranslationIrina Matsenko

Photo: flickr.com/photos/scatto_felino

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23 thoughts on The Letter Your Teen Can't Write You”

Valeria
Forgive me, but such nonsense is written here that ... Because of such a “battle”, I thought about only one thing from the age of 14: “I will learn and get out of the house, I will learn and get out of the house!” I learned - and at the first opportunity I ran away from home, to another city - and thank you for not going to another country. There I survived without any help from home. Hungry fainting and other delights of survival without support. Survived. More or less improved life. Now my father is perplexed: and why am I so abruptly refusing to go home?
Yes, because I would rather die of hunger than use his support and help (and he was ready to help, I know ... only then would I remember this help more than once or twice). And because I remember that battle. I remember well, even though I'm in my 30s.
I didn't need a fight. I needed support and love. What I needed was not total control, but love, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. And no, I wasn't bad child. An excellent student, always home on time, no boys under 19 (for this, by the way, a separate “thank you” to my father), I broke the chain after the institute, when I left. It’s good that I managed to turn on my head in time, this breakdown didn’t lead to anything seriously bad, so I dropped out of graduate school.
I needed love, and I was dragged into some unnecessary battle for me. And no, I cursed only because of the fact that it was vitally important to me, I gave the rest to my father at the mercy. So… I'm sorry, but I definitely wouldn't have written such a letter as a teenager. And on another, written once, letter, they answered me that “there was nothing like that, don’t invent it.”
- Tatiana
  Valeria, it seems to me that you did not quite understand the words “battle” in this text, and from which side the battle is also not understood ((IMHO
- Oksana
  1
  I have a very similar story.
  All this about the “battle” seemed like complete nonsense.
- passerby
  don't know your story, here are some thoughts.
  1." I know that I will most likely never thank you for this or even acknowledge your role in all of this.”
  2. indeed, as if everything is taken too literally, because if not love, understanding and acceptance make it possible to “keep the end of the rope”.
  and they let you go, it turns out ...
- ELI
  eto absolutnaya pravda..molodez
- Svetlana
  Valeria, your own story covered your eyes, and you did not read the text. It's a pity.
- xenia
  You didn't have a rope. It was the whip
- Mriya Voychuk
  In the article, the “battle” is not about the fact that parents are trying to “crush” a teenager, but about how a teenager himself strives to deny the laws of the adult world: to feel them with his sides.
- Alyona
  In that letter, the word “Battle” means “love”, the care and constant attention of a mother, parents, which a teenage child needs, because they themselves are shocked by what is happening to them, they are not children anymore and not adults yet , they are slowly heaven and earth.
HOPE
GOOD AFTERNOON. I DON'T KNOW WHICH TEENAGER COULD WRITE THIS. WE WERE ALL TEENAGERS. I GROWED 3 CHILDREN THERE WAS EVERYTHING. I DEVELOPED WITH MY HUSBAND ONE WAS 12 AND THE SECOND WAS 4 YEARS OLD. THERE IS NO MONEY. I WORKED A LOT. EDUCATED AS YOU CAN. I WAS SCREAMING SOMETIMES I TAKEN THE BELT. IT NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT I DID THIS FROM POWERFULNESS AND WITHOUT HELP IN THIS SITUATION. AND THEY WANTED MY LOVE. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THIS BECAUSE I WAS IN STRESS. I THANK GOD THAT I UNDERSTAND THAT ALL THE PROBLEMS ON EARTH FROM A LACK OF LOVE. SEND MORE LOVE AND GRATITUDE TO SPACE FOR LIFE IS SHORT AND WE DO NOT KNOW HOW WE ARE ALLOWED TO LIVE. APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT IT IS NOT VALUABLE AND NEVER MORE WHEN TO BE REPEATED. WISDOM COMES WITH YEARS. I AM GRATEFUL TO EVERYONE AND SEND LOVE TO EVERYONE, HUG ALL WITH MY HEART., I LOVE YOU ALL BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ALIENS WE HAVE ONE.
Ludmila
What nonsense. Probably, this letter was written by an adult who is trying in this way to justify his inability to do without swearing with his own child. No one needs such battles, neither parents nor children.
Natalia
Dear mothers teenagers and former teenagers, talk with your children from their very childhood, be interested in their thoughts, attitudes towards certain things, events, hobbies. Guide them with your questions and listen carefully. For example, why do you like...? What do you think will happen if you continue doing this?.. Do you want this result or do you have another goal? If you want, let's think together how to achieve this ... The technique works great! They themselves will ask for your advice - you will be surprised! Don't let go of your end of the string, but don't pull it tight either. Our children should always feel that we care and they should have a choice. And all will be well. All goodness and love!
Olga
Thank you so much for the article, it helped a lot in understanding the relationship between my son and husband. IN Lately I began to make a mistake - to condemn my husband for a strict attitude towards my son’s indiscipline, but after reading the article I calmed down, I realized that my husband was holding the rope well, which my son was actively pulling, trying to understand what was possible, what would “roll” and what would not work and would have to answer .
As a result, the son became more disciplined and responsible, began to achieve obvious and previously inaccessible successes in his studies, began to work and very successfully.

but not letting go of the rope, being bad is difficult, and thanks to your article, I was able to understand what an important thing my husband is doing, instead of condemning him, I supported him.

thank you very much
Andrey
Gentlemen, I read the comments. Q.E.D. You people don't understand what it is. This is not about you and not about your battle!!! This is about children who have such a disease as a violation of attachment. And now you read these lines of mine and you won’t understand me !!! What can I say if I had read it a year and a half ago, I would not have understood myself today !!! Excuse me, but in order to understand this letter and its depth, you first need to go to the Internet to read about what a violation of attachment is and read examples. There are a lot of them on the sites, especially in the question and answer section. Only after that you can guess what it is about, but you still won’t understand !!! It must be lived. I can write from myself. At first, when I started reading, I was tensed. A little harsh, but what is the magic of this letter. The answer is what to do and how I did not read it, but the tears welled up, it became easier and there was a desire to hold the rope and not let it go!!!

Ordinary school notebook in a ruler. No covers. Apparently, they came off when the author of the diary was still alive, since he did not part with the notebook either in the echelon of children evacuated from Leningrad, or during his days of work and life in the Altai steppe. The notebook is folded, worn on the folds, some pages are in oil and engine oil: sixteen-year-old Dmitry Sidorov took her with him on a tractor and, in moments of rest, was in a hurry to enter at least a few lines in his notebook. From the records we are confronted with the second half of 1941 and the first half of 1942. The diary of a teenager, captured by the whirlpool of events of the war years, is an artless document, stunning in its sincerity. The first pages are marked in August 1941, when a large working-class family, where Dima was the fourth of seven brothers, is left without a father who found himself in the blockade ring in Leningrad, where he worked all his life and where he died six months after the children were evacuated. The mother died earlier. Dima's three older brothers fought, and the whole burden of worries about young brothers fell on his shoulders. Sister Zina, who at that time was in her eighteenth year, he, perhaps, did not consider the head of the family. The youngest was eight-year-old Tolya, the twins Zhenya and Shura were barely ten years old.
drama life situations did not bend Dima. From the pages of the diary, we are confronted with the integral character of a wartime teenager.

1941 End of August. Village Petrovshchina

Hitler's vultures have recently destroyed such a beautiful village of Putilov, part of Gornaya Shaldikha; about twenty houses burned down in Petrovshchina, part of Muchikhin, Vasilkov, Zhikharev and other villages were destroyed by fires. The roar of explosions does not stop in my ears. There are black smokes all over the horizon, and ominous glows at night; the earth is shaking from the cannonade. There are killed Red Army soldiers, there are victims among the civilian population. The corpses of horses and cows lie here and there.

People, our collective farmers, under a hail of bullets, under bombs, go to the barn, thresh grain. They store bread for the winter, harvest potatoes and vegetables. And our family, although without a father, is working heroically, helping the Red Army fight better. And in the days of this cruel war, the Red Army soldiers are our best friends. They share everything with us - breadcrumbs, sugar, and cereals.

Beginning of September. In echelon

... On the way, almost from Volkhovstroy itself, we saw great disasters inflicted on our people. Echelons of broken weapons lie under the embankment, shells, tractors, and machine guns are scattered. Stations are broken. Most of the houses have been bombed. Villages look like after an earthquake. These atrocities were committed by the sworn enemy of our people and the peoples of the whole world - the bloodthirsty Hitler and his pack. For this, our brothers and fathers will present an account to him and his whole gang. They will cruelly lower their sword on the head of the Nazis and cleanse our native land of them!

It was very difficult for me to part with the house - like no one else. Shura, Zhenya, Tolya - they were cheerful all the time, what you take from them - children. And my heart was heavy. I thought all the time: soon there will be a stop, and then I will go back - home ...

But the locomotive, already, incorrectly, the tenth in a row, dragged us forward to the east. We passed Tikhvin, which was badly damaged by the bombing, Cherepovets, Vologda, the dirty town of Bui, which suffered three alarms in a row; German planes overtook us here too.

New people appeared in our car at the Bui station: this is Klavdia Viktorovna Vasilyeva (her full name is Ode-Vasilyeva). She is a professor Arabic, elderly woman, about fifty, with sore legs. The grandchildren of Claudia Viktorovna are little children. Tom is the eldest of them, she is eight years old, Ada, the youngest, is almost a baby. And with them - Marusya Smirnova, a teacher, a young woman who lived before the Germans in Estonia. Her parents are with her: her father, very greedy, unsociable, her mother is a quiet old woman.

Due to the fact that we let these people into the car, there were many reproaches from our companions, but after that everyone reconciled and began to live together. I helped Klavdia Viktorovna: it is difficult for her to cope with three children alone, and besides, she is sick.

Only now, in the echelon, we discovered our mistakes in getting ready for the journey. We lacked one or the other. It turned out that we left the main thing at home.

The first days they lived together. Everyone had something to eat. But this friendly life gradually broke down. A swearing began between Aunt Polya and Aunt Tonya. They often argued over trifles. Their nerves are taut...

In Kotelnich we parted ways with our echelon chief Sasha, his wife Marusya and the Red Army men. The Red Army soldiers have a house in Vyatka (Kirov - Ed.). Both of them were wounded, they went to their relatives to recover. I wanted to stay in Kotelnich all the time and persuaded Zina. Here, it seemed to me, they would arrange us better than anywhere else, but Zina did not want to. Probably because he does not dare to part with his most beloved girlfriend - Marusya ...

End of September

Orichi station - long stop (seven days). Almost all of our countrymen remain here, namely: Subbotins, Kiselyovs, Kapustins, Dorofeicheva Claudia, Parfenovs, Tikantsevs, aunt Paul Almanov, Natalinas.

In Orichi, the worst thing appeared in the carriage - lice, the most harmful insects. The daily hunt for this "beast" began.

In the evenings, sometimes it was fun too: this was when Klavdia Viktorovna told us fairy tales, anecdotes, incidents from her life, riddles and all sorts of interesting stories.

My business with Vaska was to supply the wagon with bread. We fulfilled this duty with honor. Our people were more or less well-fed, and in other carriages many often sat hungry. We sometimes even had bread in stock - thanks to our ingenuity.

After Orichi we were taken faster. Soon the Urals, a major industrial center. Kirov passed at night, the city was not seen. When driving through the Urals, I often admired nature, mountains. Never thought I'd see them before...

October

We also crossed the Urals, passed Sverdlovsk, there was no big stop at the station. We stopped outside Sverdlovsk, and then one craftsman asked us, just a boy. He lagged behind his echelon, was completely naked, in a cap and a torn light shirt.

During the night we reached Poklevskaya station. Do not forget this Poklevskaya! Vasya and I lagged behind our echelon here. Our lonely, completely orphan life began. Why did this story happen? We were sent by the elders to the station to buy something to eat. We left, hoping that the echelon would stand for a long time. It was still dark. Vaska bought twenty servings of semolina porridge (almost a whole bucket!). I'm serving ten, put them in my bucket. We paid and went out to the platform. And our echelon and the trace caught a cold!

We suffered until we caught up with our own. Only at the Barabinsk station, not far from Novosibirsk, did we find our car.

Everyone has fun in their hearts. Everyone tells their experiences. It turns out that we traveled almost all of Siberia on the steps. That's great!

Mid November

We lived in Novosibirsk for three days. This station, although crowded, greeted us cordially: they gave lunches in the buffet-restaurant free of charge. Vaska and I continued our work - we got bread.

After a long stay in Novosibirsk and the recombination of wagons into a new echelon, we finally moved to the distant Altai. Dear, I admired nature. The mountains appeared. This, says Klavdia Viktorovna, is the spurs of Altai. Lots of battle pine and other tall trees. And the people in the car are tortured, exhausted, all grimy ... It would rather be the end of this unprecedented journey! Everyone dreams of washing in a warm bath. And then the bitter cold hit, you can’t stick your nose out!

But although they were reluctant to crawl out of their nest into the bitter cold, they decided: we must end the trip, it's time to look for a home. Preparations began even before Barnaul.

Barnaul somehow did not like me. We were only here for three hours. With joy they expected the approach of Rubtsovsk - the final point of the journey. Is there something waiting for us there?

Rubtsovsk is a small but populous town. Many evacuees from Leningrad, Moscow and other cities. We were unhooked and put in a dead end. By noon we parted ways with the carriage. Things were dragged to the station. And there - a whole crush: the station is a hub, there are a lot of passengers. Somehow got along. One of us guarded things, while the others went to see the city. Zina and Uncle Vanya went to the district executive committee to arrange our future life. Together with Uncle Vanya, she is given a direction to the Lokot station - this is twenty-five kilometers from Rubtsovsk. And there is a collective farm "Red Dawn". We learn that the train goes there at one in the morning. We are waiting again...

At twelve o'clock the train was served. Somehow they sank. Zinaida and I were sitting in the carriage. Zhenya, Shura, Tolya - too. And Marusya was busy with her belongings all the time.

Zina woke me up in the middle of the night. This is Elbow! That station, starting from which we cease to be nomads. We hastily throw away things, sort it out on the platform, and Zina runs to find out at the station. Uncle Vanya's family was assigned to the Soviet Siberia collective farm. A cab with a cart was already waiting for them.

From the platform we carried our miserable belongings to the station, although this was not allowed. There is no electricity in the room, no buffet. Cold. In the morning, apparently, the stoves were not stoked. At three o'clock in the morning on November 28, 1941, having sorted out on the benches, we fell asleep.

In the morning, at six o'clock, they came for us, loaded us onto a sled - and now we are going to the collective farm. It turned out to be very close. We were taken to a common courtyard. They said rest. Someone volunteered to look for an apartment for us. One woman came and said that she could let us into the house, since she herself was moving to her father. Some people came and asked us about our life, about the Germans, about Leningrad. We reluctantly spoke. One grandfather - apparently a very compassionate person - brought us rolls and a bucket of potatoes. We thanked. And then we were taken to the apartment.

Our hut stands almost next to the station, and this is not a hut, but, one might say, a hut. We didn't like her. So the native house in Petrovshchina stood before my eyes, wooden, spacious, with painted floors. And here the floor is clay, the stove is heated with dung. The mistress of the water warmed up, and we washed ourselves in half. The next day, my aunt moved, leaving us, five people, led by Zinaida, alone. From that hour, painful days began for our family.

December. The village of Veseloyarsk. Altai

Our life in an abandoned, cold hut is the life of convicts in the old days. True, the first days we lived nothing: there was bread, cereals, potatoes. They gave me a little firewood on the collective farm. But every hour, every minute it was felt that there was no one, no other. And most importantly, what to do with youngsters - Shura, Zhenya, Tolya? The twins are ten years old, and Tolka is not yet nine. I started worrying about orphanage. Time passed, they were not taken, and we were not transferred from the frozen hut. Zina has been working on the collective farm since the very first day. On the fourth day of life, a bathhouse was heated here, in which one had wanted to swim for so long.

At the end of the week we were given some wheat. I ground it at the mill. On December 12, I went to Rubtsovsk, brought documents about the guys that I got in the village council. I handed over the documents. Zabirova (head of the district). She said:

We will assign your children to an orphanage not earlier than in two weeks.

Returned home with sad results. Now I had to think about myself: where to go to work. Tractor driver courses had just opened at MTS, they had been working since January 1, but recruitment was still ongoing. That's where I went. From the first day I didn’t like it there: people are undisciplined, uncultured, there is a lot of swearing in the air. But Zina advised me: “Be a tractor driver - tractor drivers are needed now like this!”. I listened to her, began to study at the courses. He answered “excellent” and “good”, although without sufficient understanding in the tractor.

As time went. Back in the first days of our settlement in Veseloyarsk, Zina wrote letters to Stepan Tretyakov (a friend of my elder brother Pavel). I took them to the post office.

So, I'm in the MTS, Zina is on the collective farm, and our guys are sitting at home from morning to evening on a slightly warm stove - they have nothing to go out into the yard. It is cold in the hut, there is no firewood, there are no winter frames in the windows. I feel very sorry for them. When I see their withered faces, tears well up in my throat. I go out into the moonlit street and cry endlessly. Something must be done, something must be done to help them. They are still small. I'm especially sorry.

I decided at all costs to put them in an orphanage, and therefore every week I go to Rubtsovsk to inquire about this. I was many times in the district executive committee, I talked with the chairman Rick Skripchenko, his deputy Chertovskikh, with the head of the general department. This woman is from Ukraine, and she helped me more than anyone else: apparently, she herself experienced a lot during this year. I was also in the district committee of the party.

The secretary of the district committee, Lebedev, gave a note to Ryzhak, the head of the political department, asking for help with "the placement of young children from the family of the Leningrad worker Sidorov."

But the days dragged on again, and the children were not satisfied anywhere. Help has also stopped. It was only thanks to my stubborn character that they gave us a bag of potatoes, cabbage, carrots from the collective farm - they themselves have very little of all this. The district executive committee gave us three hundred rubles of money.

January 1942

The New Year has already passed, and the guys are all on the stove, everyone is waiting to be taken to an orphanage. They completely emaciated, again shoddy, overgrown. The winter is harsh, and Zina and I are without boots. And the frosts are getting stronger. As soon as I received the money, I bought worn felt boots for one hundred and fifty rubles. Then woolen stockings for forty rubles, stockings for ten rubles. In January, I did another thing: I got an allowance - seventy-five rubles a month. The first time we were given one hundred and seventy-five rubles (for November, December and ten days of January). The second - three hundred twenty-five rubles. Immediately bought more boots. It became a little easier on the soul. There was an opportunity to take lunches from the dining room, and it is not far from our hut. But how slowly time passed! Especially overcome this accursed cold. Zhenya and I brought firewood from Zoboka, but this is not firewood, but a vine, or rather, some kind of rods with which we bind fences. Sometimes it was so cold that even freeze. The ceiling and walls were covered in snow, frozen through. Slept on the stove. Zhenya kept us warm (he's been kind of hot since infancy!). Slept four of us, barely fit. Zina is on the bed, littered with a pile of rags.

There are no letters from relatives. How you want to go home, go home! Brothers often talk about the house, about dad, about brothers, they remember mom. I dream of a house, brothers, father, Red Army soldiers. How sweet it all is! Would rather see all native! The end of Hitler!

Mid February

Vouchers to the orphanage came from Barnaul. The guys were happy. I asked the collective farm for help and took them to a shelter. There is joy on their faces. I asked:

What, hunting you in an orphanage?

Yes very! they answered.

The guys were immediately assigned to the school. Their dream came true. The orphanage is only one kilometer from our hut. We often have them. They tell what they do, how they learn. Zhenya and Shura live together, sleep and study together. They say that they now live much better than at home. Tolya is a little bored, but still he is fine - he has noticeably recovered, recovered, has comrades. All of them are leaders both in study and in work. It will be warm - they will be with us again. And while this is the most Right way. So I think. Let's find a father, brothers, and things will get better.

March

The other day I completed the course. Received the title of tractor driver of the second category. It got noticeably warmer. Spring is coming soon - it's going to be a hot time. Here's what I'll get!

The happiest thing happened these days. Firstly, three hundred rubles came from Chelyabinsk by telegraph - this is probably from Pavel. Secondly, a letter came to the chairman of the collective farm; I recognized Stepan by the handwriting. So they are alive! This is the most precious thing for the four of us - Tolya, Zhenya, Sasha, me, and, of course, for Zina.

Yesterday, that is, March 18, a letter arrived from Pavel. He writes about dad, Victor, Stepan. Papa, I haven't heard from Victor for three months. Victor was wounded. They were left alone: Pavel and Stepan. Pavel, dear brother, was the first to break the grave silence? They, two falcons, are alive. Hi them! Today I will write to both ...

After I took the guys to the orphanage, we moved to another apartment, to Yevtushenko Elizaveta. He established contact with Claudia Viktorovna Vasilyeva - she lives in Yegorievka. Such joyful events took place in the fourth month of our life in Altai. Life in the world has become much easier than a month ago. The guys were given addresses, they write letters to the brothers. Now we are not alone! We have support, we have relatives!

On the first of March, Zina and I were in Rubtsovsk. We came here specifically to the club "12 years of October". Here Leonid Utyosov performed with his famous jazz. For the first time in my life I saw this artist. He spoke himself, joked, laughed. The audience applauded and cheered for his many hilarious jokes. Artists from his jazz performed. This evening is one of best evenings of my life.

March 27th. in the steppe

Many days and nights have passed. Unfortunately, I never opened the pages of the diary. Was absorbed in work.

How much excitement for my brothers, for my dear father! A fierce war is going on between our country, our people, and the enemy, the most powerful and arrogant enemy - Hitlerism. I suffer a lot about my dad, Vitka. There were many boring evenings. It was almost depressing to the point of tears. He consoled himself with memories of friends, of his native village. About favorite teachers: Ivan Ivanovich Galkin, Tanchevskaya.

During these painful days, full of hard feelings, disputes, unfamiliar work, struggle with myself, I grew into a fighter performing an important combat mission in the war, into a tractor driver. I never thought about this profession. But what? Now I am a tractor driver. At first I was dissatisfied with this business, but now I am always near the tractor. The country entrusted me with the complex STZ-NATI machine, and although I did not have the opportunity to study it, I will try to master it in the course of work.

I have been at the zaimka for several days now, where I work with my comrades. Now we are preparing tractors and agricultural machines for going into the field.

There are a lot of girls here, so good! I spend time with them. In company with them, I sometimes even forget about the house. Must have fallen in love with one of them.

There are such funny songs, and I write: because today last night- the last evening of my almost childish carelessness, tomorrow is Labor Day, the day when I will go into battle with my weapon in my hands, as my three older brothers did - Pavel, Styopa, Viktor, as my dear, dear father did.

I'm here alone, Nina Ryzhakova is with me. I consider her a friend. Her fate is very similar to mine. I respect her.

Shura, Zhenya, Tolya and Zina are in the village, I had to part with them.

My friends at work: Dmitry Litvinenko, a very good guy, respectful, works as a foreman of our brigade; Gavrilov Alyosha, also a good man, a joker, an assistant to the brigadier; Odokienko Trofim - works with me on the same machine; Kolesnik Grisha, a young guy, he has sore eyes, I don’t know his character well; Bykova Anna, fat girl, cheerful.

My study friends: Shukhman Miron, evacuated from Gomel, decent braggart; girls - Malevanny and Gudziy - both Marusya. Marusya Gudziy has beautiful sparkling eyes, I like her. Malevannykh is also a beautiful girl. There are also girls.

April 19

The first day of plowing is April 22. I am sitting behind a tractor - for the first time in my life! I'm driving the tractor forward!

I live! How beautiful!

Things are going. The work is on. True, there are troubles. Malevannyh Marusya melted the bearing.

Letters came from Stepan, Pavel. It's good that they are alive! And do not forget about the house - it pulls home to the north. My brothers, my beloved, where are you? Where is father?

Life is fun here. But oppresses me... I am inexperienced!.. Summer is coming soon. There is a lot of work to be done.

The end of May

I haven't written a single line in my diary for a long time. Finally, I got together to somehow comprehend everything that happened to me during these weeks. There was a lot to go through again. Especially the trouble with the tractor. I was removed from NATI, as the director of MTS found the old tractor driver Shvidkov for this car. Shvidkov is elderly, experienced, not like me, a boy. I was upset, but still decided that I would work on a tractor!

It's sunny weather. After the trip home, I returned to the zaimka and found out that Kharchenko had already been put in Bykova's place. But before I left home, they said that I would replace Bykov, who had ill eyes! I was outraged by this turn of events...

After these failures, I did not lose my head. Continued to work. Worked as a water carrier for three days. This job, to tell the truth, humiliated me a lot, and I tried to find something more suitable. He began to work on a trailer, then anywhere. On the 4th of May director Skoropunov arrived. He came up to me, asked how I work, - I told. Skoropunov ordered our foreman to put me back on the "NATI" to Trofim Odokienko and that for the time being I was in charge of the trailer. I began to work with Trofim, but not for long: Shukhman knocked out his hand with the handle, and therefore they put me in his place. I am back on the tractor - I work in a shift with Marusya Malevanny. She is a great friend, a good tractor driver. I have deep respect for her...

Plowed on the Salt Lake. The lake is not small for the steppe strip. A tired traveler, already exhausted from the unbearable heat, is drawn to the lake by its blue. Around the dry steppe - no bird, no living soul. At the sight of water glistening in the distance, the traveler raises his dull eyes and walks faster, with vigor and hope: ahead is water, and with it salvation ...

The society here is fun. It seems that even the most boring person will get dizzy. A lot of girls. Chubby cheerful girl Varya Kucherenko, very embarrassing and pure in soul, simple, moreover, beautiful in face. During the spring campaign she worked as a cook. I like her even now. I would like to be closer to her, to make friends ...

I liked Toma Bespalova on the first day, but, having recognized her character, I lost interest in her. She wanted everyone to carry her in their arms, kiss her, call her Tomochka and so on. Polya Yevtushenko is a beautiful girl who graduated ten grades this year, very young. So far I don't know much about her. Dusya Skoropunova lives in the village and works in a sewing workshop. Anna Bykova. I have already mentioned it on the pages of my diary. She loves only herself, and no one else, quickly flares up. I'm joking and she's mad like a beast. Gudziy Maria and Malevannykh Marusya still remain my true friends. For their spiritual support in difficult days, I will thank you when the good time comes.

The best of the girls is Zoya Stadnik. I met her in the winter, at the most difficult time for me. Frankly, I fell in love with her, as I have never loved anyone else. She loves me too. Zoya sings well, and here, in Altai, I began to appreciate it very much. Her figure is beautifully built, her eyes are blue, her face is white, her hair is blond, her teeth are white, and all together makes up a creature full of simplicity and charm. I spent several evenings with her, writing letters to her. Yes, I love her!

June 15

The spring sowing campaign ended well on our collective farm. I joined the Komsomol at MTS. At a meeting on June 11, I was accepted into the ranks of the Lenin Komsomol. I made a promise that I would always faithfully fulfill the tasks entrusted to me for life. I was happy! June 11 is a memorable day for me.

Now we are plowing steam. Many collective farms do not have kerosene. We have so far.

Shura, Zhenya, Tolya still live in the orphanage. Finished school well. Now they are working in the fields. I have seen them several times. They sunbathed, bathe. According to their stories, they live nothing, however, they miss us. Zina works in the old way on the collective farm, moreover, she is the secretary of the Komsomol organization. Planted potatoes, nothing else. For this I am angry with Zina. She treats everything coolly.

Writes to us from Egorievka and Claudia Viktorovna Vasilyeva. She does not forget, although she has a lot of worries without us. I saw Vaska and Marusya several times. These meetings were especially pleasant. Writes from the Stalingrad region Garkusha Valentina, this is Styopa's friend. Writes well.

In general, our life flowed much better than three or four months ago, when we froze in a cold hut ... Why remember the old! Let's live in the present!

It is evening now. These weeks there is a drought, threatening the bread with death. But today, fortunately, the clouds are gathering, the wind is starting - it will probably rain. That would be good! Then the bread will grow well, and bread is a big deal. There will be bread - our country and people will not tolerate any difficulties. There will be a harvest - there will be a victory for us! Let it rain harder! We will defeat the enemy - we will meet with relatives in Yolki, we will sing the song of Victory and we will start building the cherished business. While all. I don’t know when I will return to you, my dear diary ...

July 29

How many painful experiences I experienced in these days of the long hot days of July! July last year was completely different. He passed in his native places. How easy it was to live then! We left a lot of wonderful people there.

July 1941 will go down in my memory bright and unforgettable. After all, we were all at home then. Dad and Viktor were with us. We worked in the garden, did not lose heart, because we lived at home, everyone was alive and well ... but what to do? There are no parents, no relatives, no relatives.

... Let it rain on me, let the snowstorms sweep over me. I will not surrender to any forces! People hear from me either laughter or a song, but they will not see my tears. Never! The blood boils in the veins, she is Sidorovskaya, working! ..

At night, the girls gather in the booth. I sleep with them as if nothing had happened - they may think that I have something for them, but I know: this is not the time ...

And my heart is indescribably sad. An impenetrable heavy veil of tears covers the eyes. How much grief has brought us a small label pasted on Zinin's letter returned from Leningrad: "He died in February 1942"! ..

Are these words actually true???

Is it possible that such a strong man as our father died, not knowing where we are and what is happening to us? Really? No, I can't believe he's dead. In my opinion, bombs themselves are not able to kill such a person. And on the label: "He died in February ..." And it turns out that he died. Oh God! In just one word "died" sounds something terrible, inexpressible, cutting the heart. What a wonderful man our father was! What a fire burned in his chest! How much useful he gave us! But how much he would give us now, when we are all, except for Tolya, big ... How easier it would be for him to live! He is not alive. They waited and waited, but he was gone and gone. Himself close friend lost, lost forever. For a long time we were left without a mother, and now we have lost our father ...

Secondly, there is something wrong with Brother Paul. This worries me a lot. Worrying - it's not enough to say, mows down my legs. What happened to him, no one knows. There is nothing from my native lands, I sent letters to some people there - there is no answer.

Vitya is already studying to become a lieutenant in Krasnovodsk, he writes that he will soon go to the front. Stepan is somewhere on the Southern Front. He writes often, well, affectionately addresses all of us. I, in turn, write to them all, I answer caresses with caresses.

Already more than a year there is a war going on. When it will end, when we will defeat the damned barbarians, I do not know. Apparently, I will have to beat. After all, I will be seventeen at the end of this year. I will fight too! To die, so to die, not for me alone, and not for the first.

That's all for now! It's already dark.

What is the further fate of Dima Sidorov, the son of a Leningrad worker, an Altai tractor driver? December 30, 1942 he was seventeen years old. From that time on, he did not give rest to the Rubtsovsky district military commissar. Finally, in April 1943, his requests were heeded: Dmitry was enrolled as a cadet at the mortar school. In the early summer of 1943, some of the cadets were sent to the front. In the battles on the Kursk Bulge, Dmitry was wounded, but after two or three weeks he returned to duty again. He takes part in the battles in Ukraine, then in the Dnieper bridgehead. Here, in the battle for Kyiv, on November 6, 1943, Dmitry Sidorov died a heroic death. He was then in his eighteenth year...