"Mom, I'm pregnant!" How dare you say? Psychologist's advice. Recent requests for help

Pregnancy in young age for a girl - much more stress and shock than for mature woman ready to give birth to a child and provide for him financially. But life often surprises us. And even if you were confident in your young man and contraceptives, then the onset of pregnancy suggests that not everything in this world lends itself to planning and control.

Why is it difficult to tell parents?

For young girls who are financially dependent on their parents, their own "interesting position" also becomes a test of psychological stability. Indeed, regardless of whether she is going to give birth to a child or terminate a pregnancy, the parents of a minor girl will sooner or later find out about it.

Telling your mom you're pregnant can be tricky anyway. Even if you have with her trusting relationship, and you understand each other, like close friends, for her, this, most likely, will not pleasant surprise.

Less often, there are cases when future grandparents sincerely rejoice at the upcoming addition of the family, even if their daughter is not married and lives with them. But do not hope for a good outcome of the situation, be prepared for a negative reaction from your parents. Understand that for them this is an indicator not only of their own pedagogical incompetence, but also the torment of choice. After all, the decision is yours minor child and the responsibility for its consequences will still fall on their shoulders.

Be patient and courageous, but don't take too long to tell your mom the big news.

Decide for yourself what you want

Before you tell your parents about pregnancy, think first of all: do you want to become a mother at such a young age? Are you ready to take responsibility for a small life that will depend entirely on you? Will you willingly give up all the joys of youth and youth that are due to you at your age?

Many girls secretly hope that after giving birth to a child, they will be able to entrust it to their grandparents, and they themselves will continue to lead a simple and cheerful lifestyle, go to discos, have fun, as before pregnancy. And this state of affairs is extremely wrong. After all, they give birth to children for themselves, and not for someone else.

Think beyond yourself

Be honest and fair not only to yourself, but also to your parents: they are not obliged to bear this burden of responsibility for you and change their lives so drastically. After all, a baby is not only joy, but also a great moral and material burden.

Sleepless nights, childhood illnesses, clinics, vaccinations, complementary foods and much more will have to be experienced again by your mother, who is by no means young and not so energetic. She can sacrifice her plans for a quiet, prosperous life next to her beloved husband for you. But answer for yourself: is it fair on your part in relation to her? Especially if you are still financially dependent, then the entire financial burden of providing for the child will fall on your parents, who dreamed, for example, of traveling or building a summer cottage outside the city.

If you have a difficult relationship with your parents

If you already know what you are going to do, it will be easier to tell your parents about the pregnancy. The most difficult thing about informing your parents about your pregnancy is finding the very first words. This can be especially difficult if:

You and your parents have a difficult and tense relationship.
You often heard criticism addressed to you, they didn’t believe in you or took you lightly.
You were brought up in strictness and in traditional patriarchal values.
Your parents did not approve of your choice of a young man.

In this case, be prepared to take on a flurry of criticism and even outright insults.

Even though you have complicated relationship, your parents remain the parents who are responsible for you. And the pregnancy of their daughter at the age of 16-18 becomes an extra reminder for them that they could not save, instill right attitude to the guys and did not warn against mistakes.

Be calm and patient, try to refrain from retaliatory attacks and in no case blame in response.

Indeed, in fact, they are not to blame for the fact that you and your young man were careless. Just ride out the storm that can't last forever. Your parents have the right to be angry and you just have to be patient. All the same, the problem will have to be solved together.

How to start a conversation?

You still do not know how to tell your parents about pregnancy, how to start a conversation? Practice shows that it is better not to use lengthy prefaces, but to try to say everything as clearly and unambiguously as possible. The example from the film Juno is very good in this regard, which tells the story of a 16-year-old schoolgirl who was not afraid to take responsibility for her mistake.

“Mom, dad, I want to tell you something important. I am pregnant…" - the best option. No need to say unnecessary words and immediately after that start making excuses. Give them time to digest the information and deal with the shock.

Give up in advance your ideas about how loved ones should react to the news.

Even if you have imagined in detail the response of your father or mother, it is better to discard the script of the conversation and let it take its course. Negative emotions are not a sign that they hate or despise you, but an indicator that they care about you and they are afraid for you and your life.

Common Mistakes

Many girls are so afraid of a negative reaction from their parents that they cannot find right words how to tell mom that they are in a position. After all, young people often want to relieve themselves of responsibility and come up with various stories sometimes completely unbelievable. Here are some options for explanations that do not need to be adopted:

“I was swimming in a river/pool and accidentally got pregnant.” Such an explanation can only be believed by the extremely dim-witted and uneducated. If your parents are intelligent successful people with a higher education, then such an explanation will only anger and upset them more, because in their eyes you will look not only dissolute, but also a stupid or outright liar. Believe me, it is physically impossible to get pregnant, even if a nearby man pours his seed into the water, and you swim without swimming trunks. Pregnancy occurs only with a full-fledged sexual intercourse, with full contact of the female and male genital organs. And even then not with every unprotected sexual contact. Various myths about the “sister of a friend of a classmate of my neighbor’s son”, who became pregnant just by taking a dip in the pool, are lies and obscurantism.
"I was raped." This explanation may sound more plausible in terms of the resulting pregnancy. But you should not think that this is how you solve the problem. It should be understood that rape is a severe psychological trauma for a girl, from which her behavior, reactions and actions change. Being a victim of violence is not as easy to portray as it seems, even if you have acting talent. In addition, parents will ask you for details, wanting to find and punish the perpetrators. Most likely, they will want to go to the police, and you will have to testify. Law enforcement officers will quickly “bite through” your lies. Even if you try to throw the blame on any man or guy from your environment, you still won’t be able to prove it, and you risk ruining the life of an innocent person. Tell me do you need it? It is better to simply confess that they were careless and lost their heads from passion.
"My boyfriend promised to marry me, but then he refused." This option can work and partially relieve you of responsibility for the onset of pregnancy if you had a casual relationship and you never see the father of the child. But there are pitfalls here too. Your parents, if they know your young man, can start looking for him, contact his parents to resolve the conflict. If a young man did not express his intention to marry you, then the actions of loved ones can only anger him and push him away from you.
“I will run away from home if you force me to have a baby/abortion.” This is also not a very constructive approach, especially if you have a difficult relationship with your loved ones. No need to try to manipulate or pressure - this will further disappoint them and force them to act more harshly. In life, such difficulties often bring children and parents closer together, forcing them to seek a compromise together. Set aside emotions and listen to your parents calmly: they have a right to this, because they are still responsible for you. Abortion has both contraindications and indications. If your parents want to educate you so that you will receive Good work and arranged their lives, then they may be against the birth of a child at such a young age. But if in your family women from generation to generation have difficulty conceiving and bearing, then your mother can convince you to leave the child.
“It’s all your fault, you brought me up badly, you didn’t pay attention to me.” Such accusations are unlikely to work as you intended. An attempt to cause guilt in parents in order to relieve oneself of responsibility for one's life and health is an indicator of infantile and psychologically immature individuals, which is very disappointing. Even good qualified teachers and loving parents they cannot 100% insure their child against the mistakes of youth, including from “flights”.

And if you think logically, then what is the connection in the fact that you entered into intimate relationship with a man and the way your mom and dad raised you? You are no longer a child, and your body, under the influence of hormones, has demanded that you satisfy the physical desire for intimacy. This is not the fault or merit of the parents, and your attempt to blame them for the pregnancy is dishonest and dishonorable. If you thought you were old enough to have sex, live up to that notion by taking responsibility.

If you intend to give birth to a child, then it is very important to make sure that he has a father with whom you need to keep good relations. friendly relations. And scandals and humiliation from your parents do not contribute to this.

Trust the experience and wisdom of adults, which they have more than you. It is possible that in the future you will thank them for making such a decision.

Summing up

If you become pregnant, then this condition will sooner or later require you to make a decision - to give birth to a child or get rid of unplanned pregnancy. If you are under 18 years old and you are financially dependent on adults, then tell you about your " interesting position" have to. In the hospital, you will need parental permission to go for an abortion. A growing belly and nausea in the morning will not go unnoticed by mom or dad. Therefore, it is better to immediately inform them about your pregnancy. We do this:

Calmly.
Without many words.
Without allowing hysterics and accusations.
Without absurd and false explanations.

Be that as it may, your family and friends should take care of you while you are in their care. Trust older and more experienced people in life who sincerely wish you well, and you will make the right decision for you.

Many women who have recently learned about their "interesting" situation find it difficult to tell this news even to their closest people. How to tell parents about pregnancy, because their reaction to such a statement may not always be unambiguously enthusiastic. In most cases, pregnancy is a joyful moment in the life of expectant mothers and fathers, and for other relatives, this also becomes a pleasant surprise. And how future grandparents are waiting for their grandchildren! But not everyone and not always everything goes well. Therefore, the reaction of the older generation to such a statement on the part of a daughter or son can be the most unpredictable. You can report that in the near future you expect replenishment in the family in different ways, the main thing is to know the character traits of your parents and anticipate their reaction, and you also need to take into account those life circumstances that preceded conception.

Traditional ways

The easiest way is when pregnancy is long-awaited and planned, and you are sure that the news about it will incredibly please all relatives and friends. In this case, you should not be shy, worry, but you need to say this directly, without any hints.

You choose the place and time yourself. Can this be done at home in a narrow family circle. And you can call all your relatives and friends to a dinner party, and then, in the course of the conversation, solemnly declare to everyone that a little one will soon appear in your family. And, of course, offer to celebrate such a significant event together.

Traditional methods always work. If you don't like to be ordinary in your actions - it's time to show your imagination! It is the effectively presented news that will certainly make an incredible impression on future grandparents.

Treat your parents to sweets designed with meaning

original ways

Themed dinner party

Prepare a delicious lunch for your family and friends. Invite your guests ahead of time so everyone can attend. You can hint at the imminent birth of a baby with the help of baking in the form baby envelope, and it is possible through the dishes themselves and the ways they are served - various vegetable and fruit purees, children's cutlery, children's bright and colorful table setting. Pay attention to how the guests reacted and whether they understood the hint.

Small souvenirs will not leave anyone indifferent - boxes with baby accessories, key rings with rattles, etc. And when one of the guests offers you a drink, culturally refuse, arguing that alcohol is contraindicated for expectant mothers.

Give your dinner party souvenirs suggestive of pregnancy

Photos

If you have already been to ultrasound diagnostics and you have pictures on hand, you can arrange them beautifully and place them in a frame, and write next to them: “We will soon have replenishment.” Present this collage by unexpectedly dropping by your parents for a cup of tea, or for holiday dinner when it comes to its logical conclusion.

You can also announce your news at another family event, the main thing is that everyone is assembled. Invite family members to family photo. And when you take pictures, instead of saying, as is customary, "Cheese!", Say "I'm pregnant!" (you can choose another phrase). The most curious thing is that in the photo you can capture the emotions of your loved ones, and this is priceless.

Make interesting collages about pregnancy

T-shirts with slogans

You can order customized T-shirts online. Order them for yourself and your spouse. You can, for example, make a drawing of a toddler on them with the caption “I will be a mother soon” or “This is what it looks like future dad". Come to a meeting with your family in these T-shirts - such a hint is unlikely to go unnoticed.

Come visit your parents in a t-shirt with a design hinting at your pregnancy

At a family holiday

If the stars are so aligned that your mom or dad will have a birthday soon, you can hint at pregnancy with the help of congratulations. For example, donate beautiful postcard, which will say “Congratulations to the future grandfather”, “In nine months, wait for your gift”, etc.

Give Mom (Dad) an appropriate card for her birthday

letter by mail

Make a copy of the ultrasound image, put it in a beautiful envelope. It is advisable to pre-wrap the picture in a piece soft tissue reminiscent of a baby diaper. Or you can write a message from the unborn child.

Send a telegram on behalf of the future grandson (granddaughter)

Video: parents' reaction to the news of their daughter's pregnancy

Unfortunately, pregnancy is not always good news for everyone. It also happens that she does not fit into the plans of the future mother or the family as a whole. How to proceed in such a case?

There are no specific methods or patterns here. But psychologists give a number of recommendations that should be taken into account. With their help, you can present your news calmly and without causing a storm of emotions from your opponent.

Pregnancy is not a life drama of universal proportions, but the most important event in the life of every woman. Even if the conception did not happen as planned, do not rush to cut from the shoulder and abandon the child, because life passes quickly, and the most dear and closest person will always be with you.

Notifying your parents about this event is not so scary, it is important that they feel your sincerity. Don't be afraid to trust them. Their advice and support is incredibly important to you right now.

First of all, you need to be sure that you really want to have a baby, only then will the parents believe it;
Select right time for a conversation. Such news is not delivered in haste;
No need to hide something from your dad and mom - be frank;
It is necessary to prepare for the conversation in advance, think through all possible details and circumstances;
There is no need to be afraid of anything, tune in to positive emotions;
Parents are the closest people, so you can and should consult with them;
You must make decisions under such circumstances in an adult way, your parents must see in them the position of an independent person who is aware of his actions;
Under no circumstances should you show negative emotions- burst into tears, scream, throw tantrums, and even more so reproach your loved ones for something. This will only make the situation worse. The conversation should be calm, the speech should be confident;
You can call on a reputable lawyer to help you. Let your chosen one play his role, or his mom-dad, or your other relative (grandmother, aunt, sister), who can smooth sharp corners and at the right time to direct the conversation in the right direction.

Adolescence

It is very difficult to tell parents about your pregnancy to a future mother, who herself has not yet become an adult. We're talking about teenage girls. But even here, not everything is as scary as it seems at first glance.

Naturally, the relationship between you and your parents will play the most important role in this. You should not be of the opinion that the "ancestors" will immediately begin to scold you, they will not understand your position. It is impossible to hide pregnancy, and even more so from them.

Remember indisputable truth: Your parents love you very much. This is what should be dealt with in the first place.

If you get along better with your dad than with your mom, let him know, and vice versa. Mom and dad are the closest and dearest people to you, so they will always be with you, under any circumstances, and will certainly help in the fight against life's difficulties.

Serious conversation with parents

Peace, only peace! No need to give in to emotions, be as restrained as possible, because with all your appearance you must show that you are an adult independent person who is responsible for his actions and is ready to accept any reaction of his loved ones. After you announce the pregnancy, give them some time to recover from the shock. All parents want to be grandparents. Yours just needs to get used to the idea that they will have grandchildren so soon.

Ask a sister or brother for help

If your relationship with your brother or sister is very warm and trusting, you should tell them this news. You can ask them for moral support when talking with your parents.

hints

If you do not have the courage to have a serious conversation with your parents, try subtly hinting to them that you are having some difficulties. Spend a lot of time in your room, all behavior should speak of what you are experiencing. And when they notice strange behavior, then there will be the most opportune moment to inform them that your baby will be born soon.

A note

When it is difficult to decide on a conversation, you can notify relatives about pregnancy in writing. The main idea that should be reflected in the note is your experiences and a further plan of action. When the parents read the note, it will take some time before the dialogue takes place between you, but it will be calmer.

Call your young man for a conversation

If your young man fully supports your position to keep the pregnancy and is ready to help in the future, it would be a completely rational step to invite him to talk with his parents. With him you will feel much more confident, because you will feel his support. It is in your interaction that the success of passing through all the difficulties associated with pregnancy in adolescence lies.

Video: how to inform parents about pregnancy if the expectant mother is a teenager

Regardless of whether you are married or single, regardless of your age - mature or teenage, all parents and always overwhelmed with joy when their children tell them that their family will soon be replenished. But not all parents have this reaction immediately - some need time. So give them that time. And do not worry yourself, in your position it is strictly contraindicated for you to do this. Everything will work out for you and everything will work out, no matter how you inform your relatives about your new status. Most importantly, love little man living there, inside, and your loved ones will love him just as they love you ....

Question to the psychologist:

I decided to move away from my parents. 20 years. Studying, working. I can provide for myself and rent a house. The reason for the decision to leave was frequent quarrels and misunderstandings. Quarrels about finances. Background. She went to work at the age of 16, as her family had big problems with money, my mother was on maternity leave at that time, and my father was not paid a salary for more than half a year. I had to work. She gave her parents everything she earned. Then dad got another job and things went more or less uphill. I began to keep the money that I earned for myself, completely stopped taking it from my parents, the only thing I did at the expense of my parents was to have dinner (and even then not always). But parents are not satisfied with this state of affairs, they ask me for money under any pretext, although dad works and earns, and mom own will stays at home. They have a lot of loans that take away more than half of the money my father earned, but now they have taken another one, despite my requests, with the phrase "we can afford it." Now they ask me to buy food and give money to the family for other needs. I'm tired of this, even if it looks selfish on my part, but I think that parents should help the student, not the student's parents. I still haven’t really got on my feet, but they are already demanding financial assistance from me, although they themselves are capable, not retirement age people who can live in such a way that they have enough of what they themselves have earned. I failed to convey my position to them, it all ended in a scandal. My relationship with my parents is not terrible. Relations are not bad, but their position does not suit me either.

Carefully prepared for the move, found great option next to the university reasonable price, the owners are the parents of my classmate, adequate people. I have arguments for the conversation, I just don’t know how to choose the right words, because, although I’m not a conflict person, I’m tough and straightforward. If suddenly the conversation turns to raised voices, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to stand it and I will express everything that I think in an extremely harsh form, and as a result I will leave with a scandal. My plans are to sit down and talk calmly, although knowing my mother, it is unlikely that it will come out calmly. Tell me how to start a conversation correctly, how to control yourself if the conversation starts to turn into a conflict, how to talk about your decision without offending your parents?

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello, Natalia!

You are absolutely right that it is time for you to separate from your parents, because. You have already entered the conscious age and your desires and needs are adequate and natural. Especially if you can provide for yourself. But if your parents are not psychologically ready for this, then no words or blanks will help here. They still may not be satisfied. Here, as it seemed to me, the matter is different: in respect and veneration of one's parents. Our parents are the dearest and closest people in our lives, they are people who gave us life and devoted part of their lives to us, ours, bearing, birth, and upbringing. Yes, ideally parental love- unconditional and does not require compensation over time, but we are all people, and they, like you, were formed under the influence certain conditions, culture, and society. Therefore, your parents have their own views and beliefs, which they inherited as a result of their upbringing by their parents. That is, there are reasons for everything. And understanding the very essence leads to the acceptance and reduction of conflicts to zero.

The basis of life is respect and gratitude towards parents. Whatever they were, they gave you the most valuable thing - life, and only for this we can be infinitely grateful to them! But today's society of consumption and market relations is convenient to form their own dogmas, destroying the strong roots of the family, which give us a sense of strength and security in life. Many people think that their parents owe them something, some parents demand that their children give back their “sense of duty”. But neither has anything to do with the true value of parents in our lives.

It seemed to me that you are ashamed, embarrassed that you have such parents, as if you are embarrassed by them, putting yourself above and allowing yourself to teach them. Do not prompt and offer, namely to teach, from the position "I'm on top." And this is fundamentally not true! You can never be higher than your parents, because they are your teachers, mentors and support in life, no matter how you deny it! Another thing is that your relationship is distorted and you don’t feel it, as if you yourself became a parent to your parents (forcedly, in the circumstances that have developed) and now you want to regain the status of a daughter, trying to separate from them, but you do it not out of love, but out of resentment and claims towards them ... And they feel your attitude, so they will not meet you. Subconsciously, of course, it is unlikely that they, just like you, are so deeply aware of this, they simply feel some dissatisfaction with you, despite all your merits. And the roots of this dissatisfaction are precisely in the lack of respect and gratitude towards them. Here you have such relations: you demand from them, they - from you, and no one is ready to go into the depths, because there is a lot of pain and accumulated grievances, a lot of injuries and even aggression, anger. And until these emotions are manifested and accepted, experienced to the end and released, forgiven, until then there will be your conflicts, you can smooth them out with formalities, politeness, observance of boundaries, but you will not fully know the limitless power that parents and the whole family give us as a whole.

If you are ashamed of your roots, then you deny a part of yourself, and as a result, you deprive yourself of energy and opportunities in life. Perhaps you are still too young for such a rethinking, but since you have turned to this resource, you are sure that there are inclinations in your soul for spiritual knowledge and development.

If you want to understand this issue in more detail - write, we will talk.

If there is no such need, then the best way out for you will be to act according to your heart, according to your conscience, the way you feel. And the words will be found, and the feelings will manifest.

But I will give you one recommendation. You do not have to do this, but if you have the opportunity, then help your parents while they are alive! It does not matter how old they are, whether they are working or retired. Believe me, help during life is much more valuable than bitter tears after their death. . .

If your income allows, determine the amount that you can allocate monthly for your parents. It can be 10-15-20%, maybe 50% of your income. You decide for yourself how much it will be and how you will provide this assistance: money, food, things, etc. And if you decide to do it, then do it from the heart, with gratitude and love. If, together with the help, you will broadcast to them a feeling of irritation, duty and contempt, then it is better to immediately abandon this venture until you begin to feel love and gratitude for them.

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Maybe you're a teenage girl who has her first boyfriend, or maybe you're a little older but still find it hard to share news about your relationship with your loved ones. In any case, having to let your parents know that you have a boyfriend can be quite intimidating, but if you approach this issue in the right way, it is likely that they will react normally to such news. If everything goes well, they may even be happy for you. In this article, you will find some tips to help you let your parents know that you have a boyfriend. Applying these tips will help you avoid negative reactions from your loved ones.

Steps

Tell your parents the news carefully

Decide who to tell about it first. Perhaps you have a closer and more trusting relationship with one of your parents, or one of them is more loyal to you. Very often, breaking the news to a parent with whom it is easier for you to communicate will make it easier to talk to someone with whom you think it is much more difficult to talk.

For example, if you are "daddy's girl" and you can easily find mutual language with him, you can talk to dad first. On the other hand, if your dad is very strict, tell your mom about everything first, finding an ally in her face.
This approach can be especially helpful if you're a teenage girl who has her first boyfriend.
On the other hand, if you're sure your parents will take the news equally well (or badly), just let both parents know at the same time.

Choose the right time. Do not share the news with your parents when they are busy with something or bad mood. You can ask your parents when it would be convenient for them to talk to you. Choose the right time when the house is calm, your parents are not busy with anything, and are in a good mood.
- However, don't delay the conversation by constantly making excuses that now is not the right time. In any case, you will have to tell your parents about it.
Prepare well, rehearse and record your speech. If you're feeling fear, chances are you'll be worried, so write down what you're about to say. Then rehearse your speech in front of a mirror. Thanks to this, you can safely inform your parents that you have a boyfriend.

Analyze your feelings. Think about why you are not in a hurry to tell your parents about your feelings. Do you think your parents will be beside themselves with rage because you started dating a young man? Perhaps you think that your parents will not like this young man. On the other hand, you may not want to let anyone into your personal life. By analyzing your feelings, you can properly build a conversation with your parents.
- For example, if your parents think you're not ready for a relationship yet, you might say, "Mom and Dad, I need to talk to you about something. I was hesitant to tell you that I have a boyfriend because I know you think I'm not ready for a relationship yet."
Put a point. After you sit down to break the news to your parents, do it as soon as possible to dot the i's. Don't beat around the bush. However, you can defuse the situation. For example, you could say, “I love you very much and I don't want you to be upset with me. Besides, I don't want to hide anything from you. I want to tell you about the boy I started dating."

Tell your parents that you are ready to date a guy. Of course, you will need to provide arguments in favor of your assertion. For example, maybe you are a high school student and all of your classmates are already dating boys. Be reasonable and don't get angry if your parents don't agree with you.
- It probably won't be the best argument for your parents if you say, "All my classmates are already dating!" However, you can bring to the attention of parents statistics from the Internet, which shows average age young people when they start dating. Also, mention a time when you showed maturity recently.
Be prepared to negotiate. If the parents still stand their ground, be prepared to compromise. Perhaps you can suggest to your parents that you will only meet your young man at school, or that you will not be alone with him, communicating only in the presence of other people. Your parents want to protect you, so you must be willing to sacrifice your freedom.

Tell me about your boyfriend. Tell your parents about the young man you like. Also talk about his family and what you like about him. Focus on it positive qualities to get parental approval. Also, you can show a photo of the boy you like.
- Your parents may have many questions. Answer all questions honestly full information regarding your relationship. If you try to hide something or lie, it can cause unnecessary suspicion and irritation.
- If your boyfriend a good relationship with his family, mention this in a conversation with parents. This is an absolute plus for many parents, because it allows them to understand that this young man knows how to appreciate other people and honors family ties.
Don't try to withhold information. It is very important that you tell your parents honestly about your relationship. If they find out about your relationship from someone, they may think that you are hiding the truth from them and withholding what they need to know from them.

Be aware that your parents may be upset. If you go against the views of your parents, then your words and actions can upset them. Be prepared for anger and tears, this may be the first reaction of your parents.

Be prepared for it to take time. Your parents will need time to realize and accept what happened. If your parents got upset and said you don't even have to think about a relationship, they might change their mind later when the emotions subside. In any case, you need to maintain a good relationship with your parents. You shouldn't ruin your relationship with your parents just because they told you no.

If you need to report being gay

Choose the right time. Is waiting for you heavy conversation especially if you don't know what your parents think about it. You should feel comfortable enough to discuss this issue. Your parents may start to convince you that your views are wrong. Listen to them, they may be right.

Talk to the person who homosexual. Before talking to your parents about being gay, talk to someone who can understand your feelings. This will make it easier for you to talk to your parents. This person can give you some advice. Most importantly, you must trust this person.

Give parents the facts. If you want to convince your parents, give them the facts about homosexuality. You can find a lot of information about this on the Internet.

Give them time. Many parents need time to get used to this fact. This is due to the fact that parents want their child to be like everyone else. It is unpleasant for them to realize that you have an unconventional orientation. Therefore, it takes time to come to terms with this fact.

You could say, "I know this is great news for you, and I understand that you need time to accept this fact. But I know what I'm doing."

Be prepared for the most unpleasant consequences. If you are sure that your parents will react badly to your news due to personal beliefs, you may want to think before telling your parents about it. The consequences can be dire, parents can show force or kick you out of the house. Not everyone approves of this behavior.

We have a trainee girl at work, pretty, smart, not so long ago we celebrated her birthday - she turned nineteen years old. It would seem that almost completely independent young lady, but no such luck!

After sitting for tea with a cake, we started talking - our beauty complains that her parents won't let her go anywhere. I wanted to buy champagne for work in honor of my birthday - and that was forbidden. And he asks - how to explain to my parents that I am already an adult? We thought about it.

Someone from the team did not go so far from her, someone has children of this age - in general, everyone has something to say. I am writing instructions for those who want to prove to mom and dad that they have already grown up and can be responsible for their words and actions.

Where to begin

Before trying to prove something to parents, it is necessary to more or less clarify the situation. Analyze how your parents were brought up, how it was in their families. In my opinion, this is a good support - you can always appeal to the fact that when your mother was your age, you personally were already two years old. Study the life of your parents, and understand what is most important to them.

Olechka (this is the name of the trainee girl) had a situation at the next age - her mother is about forty, she looks younger than her years, and at the same time devotes a lot of time to caring for herself. Olechka told in detail what pleasure her boys give her mother when they confuse them on the phone.

At these words, we exchanged glances with one of our colleagues - just a year ago, we discussed with her how quickly children grow up, and how keenly we feel our age when they become adults. Here we knew what to advise. But about dad was even more interesting.

The fact is that our Olechka's dad is a business man, it was he who insisted that she train in our editorial office during the holidays and gain experience, it was he who always emphasized that a woman should be independent. In general, the plan was ready.

For those who have the situation in a different way, I will give the following advice - when you analyze the behavior of your parents, pay attention to the following:

what they want;
what they lack;
in what situations they are more comfortable with an adult child.

I think if you think a little and talk to your family a couple of times over dinner, the situation will clear up.

What do we have to do

The next piece of advice we gave to Olechka is how to prove to your family that you are a mature person. So, I'm telling it like it is.

You are a mature person if:

you know how to support yourself (and you cover all your expenses);
Are you ready to take full responsibility for yourself?
you know how to take care of others;
you know how to solve problems, both your own and others;
Are you ready to make decisions?
you show yourself as a leader in emergency situations.

We explained this to Olechka, and I will explain it to you. Money is the subject of much controversy. You will not be able to prove to your loved ones that you are an adult if you are still sitting on their necks. Don't get me wrong - you have to provide for yourself completely. Yes, and rent. Yes, and public utilities. And clothes, and food costs, and transportation costs, and vacations.

Of course, if you live with your parents, it is unlikely that they will begin to calculate how much water and electricity you spend per month, but calculate - are you ready for these expenses? Can you really provide for yourself? Encourage parents to contribute family budget any amount, and do it regularly. Or start paying the bills that you can afford.

Olga, after this advice, thought. She provides herself only partially, and in most cases her parents pay for all her pleasures. She decided to talk to them, and try to stick to her income alone. In my opinion this good idea. At a minimum, this is a worthy price to pay for a sense of one's own maturity.

Responsibility for yourself and for others is also not too difficult. However, it is better to do this not with the help of money, but by showing some kind of social activity. Take on any social role in your family, unload relatives, and they will surely see a person in you.

Our colleague had to deal with this item quite easily - she has little sisters who are always happy to receive attention. Olga signed them up for dances, and began to take them there herself - her parents were pleasantly surprised.

It is not so easy for a family to demonstrate the ability to solve problems, make decisions and show themselves in emergency situations - after all, when people have an established life, they rarely have problems. Well, I confess, here we cheated a little and helped Olga.

After all, we were all at one time her age, and we also wanted to be free from the excessive guardianship of loved ones. What have we done? Well, we once called our intern on her legal day off and asked her to work as a courier - she had to ask her dad for a car, and then drive around all day on behalf of our editorial staff.

The next day, a fascinating story awaited us at the office - it turns out that the parents reconsidered their attitude towards Olga when they realized that:

she hasn't called her dad once all day, although she doesn't feel very confident driving;
it was her colleagues who turned to her with a request to help out;
despite the fuss and sudden change of plans, Olya did not forget to take the sisters to the dance and pick them up from there;
she called back home and warned that she would come late.

We celebrated the victory, and Olechka was scattered in gratitude - she says that she herself would not have thought of doing all this. In fact, this is God forbid what a trick - when you want to be treated like an adult, start behaving accordingly. We all went through this, and I think that our advice will help more than one generation of young guys. In any case, our interns certainly.

When I told this story to my family at Saturday dinner (on Saturdays we have dinner with my parents), my mother pursed her lips in disapproval, and said that at 19 a child should still be a child. I confess, I could not resist and reproached her for double standards - my older sister at 19 there were already two children, and it’s hard to call her a child, and mommy always considered her a role model.

Learn to speak competently and politely, do not use slang, do not swear. Speech greatly affects the attitude towards the interlocutor and the perception of the person as a whole.
Change your image - style of dress, behavior, habits. I'm not saying that you need to give up yourself, but it is necessary to bring a touch of "adulthood" into your image.
Show that you are an adult. Remember that adults don't say, "Here, I'm twenty-seven, so today I fried potatoes myself." Grown-ups say "Let's go to dinner, parents, I got out early and cooked something."
And don't expect your parents to accept your maturity in a matter of days - long years they lived with the idea that you are small and need to be taken care of, so give them some time to get used to the fact that you are now big and can take care of them.