Love without words. Conditions of limited and insufficient visibility on the road

The body tells about you and others. Posture, gestures, and postures always mean something, because these signals are the body's way of trying to vent the feelings you're trying to suppress. Studies have shown that every time a person tries to hide their emotions, their blood pressure rises.

As we learned in the previous chapter, every gesture and movement conveys precise information about how you feel, whether you like it or not. Body language can amplify or undermine the meaning of a verbal message as the person's body betrays their true feelings.

One day ex-president Nixon unwittingly betrayed his feelings by demonstrating to others that he was embarrassed when he was asked difficult questions. He turned his whole body away from those who asked such questions, that is, he tried to distance himself, and as a result he lost confidence in himself. Watching Nixon, people guessed that he had something to hide.

Several years ago, I treated Marissa, a fifteen-year-old girl, who made me very good impression. Communicating with her during classes, I admired not only her mind, but also her excellent posture and unhurried hand movements, which clearly indicated that she had developed sense own dignity.

However, everything changed as soon as Marissa came to class with her mother. The girl seems to have been changed. Her demeanor underwent a striking metamorphosis. She sat without raising her head and avoided meeting my mother's or me's eyes. Her hands were folded humbly in her lap.

I really sympathized with Marissa, immediately understanding what was happening. She was clearly under the influence of her formidable mother, in whose presence she wanted nothing more than to become as inconspicuous as possible. She was clearly afraid of her mother and, yielding to her pressure, temporarily sacrificed her self-esteem.

When I told them about my observations, Marissa admitted that she always felt awkward in the presence of her mother. She has never been able to live up to her expectations, let alone earn her praise. As soon as she realized this, the relationship between mother and daughter improved and they finally learned to treat each other with respect.

slopes

When you like a person, you usually lean towards him. This is a sign that you are interested in him and what he wants to say. If the interest is extremely great, then you lean forward with your whole body, while your legs remain in place. If a person is sitting leaning on his side, this means that he is showing you his friendly disposition. If a person is unpleasant, boring, or you feel awkward with him, then you usually lean back.

One day I was having lunch with a friend who liked a man from our group. When he apologized and left the table, she began to vent her feelings to me and ended by asking if I thought she had any chance. I didn't want to disappoint her, so I told her how she could find out. I advised her to see how close he would sit to her and whether he would lean towards her.

The man soon returned, and my friend quickly received an answer to her question. Her chances were close to zero. He sat down and leaned back in his chair. When she reached out to touch his arm, he recoiled with obvious displeasure. He paid little attention to her, and when he spoke to her, he was stiff and very formal. His behavior spoke for itself. He had serious relationship with another woman - he was not interested in my girlfriend, and he made it clear to her with the help of his body language.

border violation

Just like animals, people have their own rules regarding their living space and their own territory. When one animal captures the living space of another, he gets scared and can attack him. The same thing happens with people. Every culture has rules that dictate how close one person can sit or stand from another. Hispanics and Middle Easterners stand closer to each other than Westerners, who are not accustomed to being cramped. But if a European or an American visits another country, then getting to know the local rules and adhering to them will not be superfluous for him at all.

People who violate the boundaries of foreign territory, no matter what nationality they may be, either love to show off and show strength, or they do not understand what they are doing at all. When someone comes very close to you and starts talking, you may not like it and may not want to communicate. You will start backing and retreating until you just apologize and run away. You may notice that you unconsciously crossed your arms in protest, tried to turn away, or pulled your head into your shoulders. You began to shift from foot to foot, fidget or try to change your posture. Perhaps your voice will also become harsh, and you will ask this person to take a step back.

In some studies, experimenters deliberately approached people so close that they felt uncomfortable. In an effort to show that they were disturbed, these people usually abruptly stepped aside.

Sometimes a person gets too close to you on purpose to make you feel insecure. Invading someone else's territory frightens those who own it, and they retreat, trying to figure out your intentions. If you get too close, most people will be offended, and no matter what they say, they will never get rid of the negative emotions that you have caused.

If you get too close to a person, it will make him worry: if everything is in order in terms of personal hygiene, if his breath is fresh, and if he smells good. Or the person may not like the way you smell. However, your reaction to the invasion of your space may not be negative if you are glad that you see a person so close.

It is important to note that a person who feels his strength and self-confidence usually takes up more space, because he does not hesitate to freely stretch his legs or place his hands comfortably. Well, a less confident person, as a rule, draws his legs and presses his hands to the body, trying to take the fetal position.

If a person stands too far

People who stand too far away seem arrogant, arrogant, or consider themselves superior to others. They are literally afraid to get too close to you. Perhaps they are sitting or standing so far away because they don't like you. They are annoyed by your conversation, smell or appearance. Often people who seek to physically distance themselves from others experience fear in their souls.

Copying movements

If you want to make sure you seem attractive to someone, check to see if the person is mimicking your movements. If one of you is copying elements of the other's body language (crossing your legs at the same time, propping your head up with your hand, clasping your hands, etc.), chances are that one or both of you are in a lyrical mood. When a person imitates another, this indicates that he wants to be like him.

Rocking from heel to toe

These body movements signal that the person is feeling impatient or restless. Adults sway from heel to toe in moments of excitement, when they are uncomfortable and want to calm down.

This behavior is not uncommon in children, especially those with autism: it is their way of cheering themselves up and regaining their peace of mind.

If adults behave in this way, others do not like it, because it distracts them. They cannot pull themselves together and focus on what the person who is swinging is trying to tell them.

fidgeting

When people are out of place, they are giving you a lot of information about themselves. They get nervous, and then it's a sign that they don't want to be here anymore. They wring their hands or shift from foot to foot, which indicates excitement or irritation. When a person is uncomfortable, he constantly makes some kind of movement to feel better.

When people are uncomfortable, their temperature rises, they literally feel the heat in their chest and fiddle with their tie, trying to loosen the knot.

So when you see someone fidgeting, know that they are sending you a message that they are uncomfortable or something is bothering them. Perhaps the person lied or wants to get away from the people in whose society he is currently located.

head tilt

Head tilted to the side signals that the person is interested and ready to listen to what you have to say. He is focused on your words, and you managed to completely capture his attention.

Have you noticed that young children who have not yet learned to speak often hold their heads to one side when they are spoken to. This shows that they are listening carefully.

Sharp movement of the head

When people hear something they don't like, people often make a sharp movement of their head away from the speaker. Most likely, this is an unconscious reaction designed to create a barrier between the person and the source of discomfort.

Nodding

People who constantly nod when you speak like to please everyone. They usually have a burning desire to please. Their manner seems to say: "I agree with everything you say, but you must love me for it." As a rule, these are insecure people who are afraid of being rejected.

When a person shakes or shakes his head, it means that he expresses doubt or disagreement with what was said. He may shake his head, trying to analyze what was said and decide what position he should take in this case.

Head low

If you do not participate in a religious ceremony or were not born in a country where it is customary to bow your head as a sign of respect, then a low head during a conversation indicates that the person is insecure, suffers from low self-esteem, is unhappy, or is experiencing depression.

The late Princess Diana used to speak with her head down. Initially, this could be a sign of compliance, but since Diana did not change this manner later, it seems to me that this was a reflection of her difficult state of mind and proof that in her role as Princess Diana did not feel too confident.

Sharply raised head

A sharply raised head signals an impending threat in the same way as a protruding chin. This is a sign of aggressiveness and hostility, indicating that a person is ready to go to extremes to solve the problem facing him.

When a person shakes their head or throws it back, these movements usually express contempt or arrogance.

head scratching

Unless a person has lice or some kind of skin disease, scratching the head means that he is embarrassed or unsure of something.

One day I was working with my music producer on a song that I wrote, and suddenly I noticed that he began to furiously scratch at the back of his head. I asked him if he doubted the end of the song. The producer replied in the affirmative and added that he wanted the song to have a different, more dramatic ending. Paying attention to the fact that he was scratching his head, I guessed that the producer really did not like what we were doing. He decided that we should change the ending of the song, but he was afraid to offend me.

Or one more example. Let's say you ask someone a question, and the person starts scratching the back of their head. He tells you that he didn't understand your question or doesn't know how to answer it. It will be useful to repeat your question in a different form so that the person understands exactly what you are trying to achieve from him. By changing the wording of the question, you will also give the interlocutor more time to prepare an answer.

Shrug

When people shrug their shoulders, it means that they are not telling the truth, are being insincere, or are indifferent to everything. It can also be regarded as “I don’t know,” “I’m not sure,” or “something I can’t believe.”

A person who lies usually shrugs his shoulders very quickly. In this case, it is done completely involuntarily and means something completely different than indifference or lack of interest. The person seems to say that he is telling a lie. This quick shrug of the shoulders is an unconscious attempt to appear cool, calm, and collected.

If a person raises his shoulders, but does not shrug them, but leaves them in this position, then he demonstrates his defenselessness.

This movement was often made by Marilyn Monroe to emphasize her sexuality and willingness to communicate.

I do not know a single woman who would not like to be able to conquer men. However, most of them are extremely mistaken that for this purpose you need to be a slender thin woman with big breasted and plump lips. The most ordinary girl can “fasten” any man to herself in such a way that it won’t seem enough. Without any love spells, bells and whistles and other witchcraft garbage, but thanks to the understanding and use of certain psychological mechanisms.

Any girl is able to conquer any man - this is guaranteed. You just need to know how to do it. Today we will discuss some of the points that make this possible.

1. You must approach the man

In the literal sense of the word. Gather courage and overcome the physical distance that separates you from desired man. Get a little closer to him than the distance outstretched hand. You will violate his personal zone, and your man cannot help but feel it.

Even if, with an ordinary friendly handshake (men and women also shake hands sometimes), hold your hand a little longer in his palm, while smiling and looking into his eyes a little longer than necessary, this can also be regarded as penetration into privat.

Do not think that men are uncomfortable with the fact that a woman comes close to them. Not at all. If a man came up, it would be a different matter. He will perceive this invasion as aggression. But here next to him is a representative of the fair sex.

A man always has a strongly developed instinct of the owner. If something fell into the zone of his access, then the first desire is to take possession of this object. If a woman is close to him, then the man begins to think with instincts, and not with reason. He wants to possess.

You should also know that the closeness of a woman in any man causes temptation, desire. This process is uncontrollable, like the beating of the heart. Another thing is that most men have learned to hide it carefully. They allegedly do not pay attention, pretend that they do not care. But it's not.

2. Let a man show you signs of attention.

When the physical distance has been overcome, and having been in the zone of close proximity to a man, you planted a seed of temptation in his soul, then get ready to accept his signs of attention.

Dear women! Signs of attention are also a natural involuntary reaction of a man. They cannot be. Let me remind you once again that a man is an owner, and when something that has been in his possession begins to elude him, he has an involuntary desire to return this object. When a man realizes that a woman who almost was in his arms, whose smell he inhaled and whose closeness he felt with all the fibers of his soul, begins to move away from him, he instinctively seeks to return her. How can he do it?

Of course, you can just approach a woman and openly admit your interest, but objective factors can interfere with this. For example, there may be a wife nearby, or other comrades who, on occasion, can inform the wife about her husband's hobby. Or a man simply does not want to compromise himself with casual communication. After all, he can be just plain shy. However, the interest and desire that has arisen require implementation, so the man begins to provide certain signs attention.

Another thing is that you may not recognize them. different men show their interest in women in different ways.

For example, look. For the above reasons (wife, comrades, shyness, etc.), a man may not tell you anything, make no attempts to get to know you better. But he will look at you more often than at others. Please accept this token. Also openly look into his eyes and smile. But this smile should not just be friendly! It should be intimate, only for him!

A man's attention to you may still manifest itself in the fact that he will strive to stand out from the crowd of people around him. This is also an instinctive desire to be better than others and thereby attract the attention of a woman you like. A man, for example, may start to speak a little louder or joke a little more vulgarly, move more often in space (to attract attention), transfer the topic of conversation to those items that make him stand out from the mass of other people, for example, to his cool car, which he recently bought.

Recognize these signs and accept them. Laugh at the jokes and admire his car. But again, remember that you laugh and admire not just with the company, but only for your man. All emotions should be intimate, addressed exclusively to him.

Catching and accepting signs of attention, you make a man think about you, strengthen his inner fire.

So, we summarize the initial basic rules of conquest male heart. You bridge the physical distance between you and the man and elicit an instinctive grasping response from the subject. A man is an owner, therefore he feels everything that has fallen into the zone of his extreme closeness as his property, he has a desire to possess this object and the desire to keep it close.

When you move away from the zone of close proximity to a man, he involuntarily begins to look for a way to prevent this. One way or another, he seeks to draw your attention to himself by means of certain signs (gazes, movements in space, changing the topic of conversation, amplifying his voice, etc.). Accept these signs and respond to them.

You met a man, you liked him, but for some reason the relationship does not move forward ... Alas, life is not always like romantic fairy tale. It is possible that you simply did not like your chosen one. How to figure it out so as not to waste energy on building unpromising relationship? Psychologist Elena Godina advises.

The fact that a man rejects a woman is not always obvious to her, says the specialist. - Especially if she really is not indifferent to this man. Any little thing can be taken as a sign of attention. And meanwhile, this is not so ... How can you stop deceiving yourself?

If a man is interested, then at the meeting he will certainly ask the lady for a phone number or other coordinates. Didn't ask? So you are not the heroine of his novel. You can't waste any more time.

Sometimes it happens that after one or two dates a man realizes that you are not his option. He loses interest in you and stops communicating.

Of course, the short “silence” of a man still does not indicate anything, says Elena Godina. He may be busy, sick, on a business trip, and so on. But if your gentleman disappeared without warning for a month or two, you should be wary. However, there is nothing to be shy about, and you can try to call or write to him yourself, the psychologist advises. By the reaction of your chosen one, it will be clear whether he is going to continue the relationship.

If a man does not answer your emails, and you can never get through to him on a mobile phone, then most likely he does not want to maintain a relationship with you anymore. Will have to reconcile.

The same - if a man constantly tells you that he is busy. Remember - if a woman is interested in a man, he will always find an opportunity to communicate with her. Therefore, do not build illusions.

If you even had sex, this is not a reason to think that the man is now yours. This is the mistake of many women. Perhaps the man had sex with you under the influence of momentary desire and now feels uncomfortable when you call him and try to appoint new meeting. In general, according to the rules of etiquette, after a sexual date, your partner should call himself. If he is silent, then it was only sex, and nothing more.

Unfortunately, men are often to blame for the fact that women misunderstand them, - says psychologist Elena Godina. - It happens that a man is simply too well brought up and is embarrassed to show a woman that he does not have any feelings for her.

He can chat with a woman in a friendly way, show politeness, and she takes it for male interest. It seems to many ladies that if a man communicates with them, then the matter is in the ointment. Meanwhile, this representative of the stronger sex can thus communicate with absolutely all women.

Some men also flirt with everyone. If any woman takes it for something more serious, they are sincerely surprised, because they are sincerely convinced that they did not give a reason ... This often happens, for example, in work groups.

What are the signs of real interest on the part of a man?

He tries to look at you all the time.

He tries to keep in touch all the time. For example, if he cannot call you, he will definitely get in touch via the Internet.

He is interested in your business.

He seeks to meet with you if possible.

In personal communication, he seeks to touch you. Even if he does not directly offer to have sex, there is always some kind of sexual interest in his behavior.

If most of these signs are absent, then this man does not need you.

Of course, you can still try to win his favor, but as they say, you won’t be nice by force, ”says Elena Godina. - It is better to look for a new chosen one than to cling to someone who is not interested in you. Believe me, sooner or later there will always be someone who needs you.

Science has proven that women express their feelings more emotionally than men. Whether it's anger or resentment, love or jealousy, she doesn't keep it to herself. Others clearly see that a woman is experiencing strong emotions.

Men are stingy with the expression of emotions. It is rare to find a man who revealingly demonstrates joy, fear or dislike. The same rule applies to love.

However, if the heart of a representative of the strong half of humanity could not resist this eternal feeling, it is immediately visible.

A man in love is ready:

Make an impression;
do romantic (and crazy!) things;
change lifestyle.

Female and male love - what are the differences?

Women's love is earthly and pragmatic. A woman gives her heart to a man who, in her mind, looks like:

earner - he is able to feed future offspring, equip life;
strong and reliable, solves life's problems;
ready to family life. Frivolous womanizers are the lot of windy and stupid people. Clever woman thinks ahead: is this man worthy of becoming a husband and father?

Male love is not so pragmatic and thoughtful. The man doesn't care social status chosen one, material wealth. He draws attention to the appearance of the chosen one, diligence, the ability to run a house.

What are they, signs of a man in love?

Sign No. 1. Thirst for communication

A man in love talks a lot. He talks about his work, friends and relatives, shares memories, emphasizes life achievements.

A man in love wants to look successful and strong in the eyes of his chosen one.

In addition, a representative of the strong half of humanity is interested in the life of a woman she likes. He is ready to listen to you for hours. He is interested in where you were born, how you studied at school, your favorite dish and hobbies.

A man in love during communication:

gallant, polite;
looks into the eyes of the interlocutor and listens to every word;
is next to the chosen one;
feels awkward, embarrassed;
constantly preens (straightens hair, clothes).

Sign #2. A man in love takes care of his woman.

He asks if you put on a hat and gloves on a cold winter day, if you want coffee or a snack. Before going to sleep he will call to wish Good night, and in the morning he will definitely instruct how to drive a car carefully.

A man in love helps by deed, not by word.

The feelings of a man in love are not expressed as expressively and vividly as those of a woman. Stormy emotions and showdown in the character of a woman. A man, if he loves, acts.

Whether your kitchen faucet is leaking or you need to take your cat to the vet, a man puts the burden on his strong shoulders.

Gifts are another indicator of care. A man gives flowers, pays the bill in a cafe.

Sign #3: There is always time for you.

Even if a man is the president of an international corporation for the protection of animal rights or a sought-after actor, he will definitely have a minute to communicate with his beloved woman. He finds time for dates, no matter how busy his work schedule is. Meeting with you is a priority.

Often calls, writes funny messages. Most often, this is a conversation about nothing - how are you, mood, plans for the evening.

Sign #4: Non-verbal contact, jealousy, and ownership

His touches are light, perhaps even unconscious. When you get off the bus, he gives you his hand. On the street, his hand rests unobtrusively on your waist. When talking, the man's torso is completely turned in your direction. that has serious plans for you.

He frowns when you smile sweetly at a passing man or talk warmly about a friend who helped you in a difficult life situation.

Sign number 5. Acquaintance with parents, friends

Classic and bright indicator male interest. A man in love will introduce you to his social circle. He will invite you to a family Sunday dinner, introduce you to friends. It doesn't need a reason. If he says: “Let's go to friends, drink coffee,” it means that you are not just a momentary hobby for him.

If, while meeting friends, you see their evaluating views, it means that they already formally know you - the man was talking about you.

He also wants to get to know your family and friends. During the meeting, the man is polite and gallant, especially your parents.

Sign #6: He controls your behavior and social circle.

A man in love is interested in where you are, what you are doing and when you will return home. He worries about who you're going to for your birthday, what you plan to do on Monday night, and why you're still up at midnight.

This does not mean that you are forbidden to go to a disco with your friends or take a walk with an old friend in the park. However, a man, if he feels for you tender feelings, yearns to be at the center of your life.

Sign number 7. Builds joint plans for the future

If a man in the course of a conversation asks where you would like to go in the summer - to Egypt or Turkey, be sure that his feelings are real. This man sees you next to him both tomorrow and in a year.

Behavior of a man in love

To understand what feelings a man has for you, it is enough to analyze his behavior.

A man in love is unpredictable, doing things unusual for him. He is ready to spend hours choosing your dress, skating or learning how to cook paella. A man takes over your interests and hobbies.

However, something similar happens in initial stage relationships until the man is sure that the woman reciprocates.

The man turns into a knight and a gentleman. He pampers the chosen one pleasant little things(chocolate, flowers), prepares surprises, thinks through every date. A man in love constantly surprises.
Male love (at least at the initial stage of the relationship) is incompatible with critical statements about the chosen one. A man admires your taste (even if you are wearing a grandmother's sweater), culinary talent (although you are sure that cooking is not your forte). He will not allow himself and his environment negative statements, critical comments about his beloved. In addition, a man in love does not listen to other people's advice.

During the period of falling in love, each representative of the strong half of humanity behaves in its own way. And yet the signs male love universal. A smart woman necessarily analyzes the behavior of a man and draws conclusions.

5 important stages of rapprochement between a man and a woman, without which relationships will not find harmony and stability. If at the initial stage some stages are skipped, nothing will happen until you return to the skipped step and pass it again

In relationships, there are 5 important stages of rapprochement, without them, relationships have no future. If any stages are skipped, nothing will come of it until you learn the lessons of the previous stages.

1. attraction. A man meets a woman, she is attractive to him, she is special for him, but he feels physical attraction the same for her as for other women. Physical attraction is the energy that inspires a man. This applies not only to young people, but also to people of any age. A woman is so arranged that she pays little attention to male appearance rather his intellect and responsibility.

If this is love at first sight, then she made up everything about him. If this happened according to the principle: I saw him and immediately understood! The woman's imagination worked. It is a very big mistake to think that without going through the stage of communication, she can meet that person. Even if she meets him, she will doubt all her life whether this is the right person, because in her heart she will understand that everything could not be so simple. It can't be that easy to get a plane up in the air. A novice pilot often has a problem after picking up the plane - how to land it now? So it is with relationships that do not have a proper foundation. This level is the foundation of future relationships.

2. Uncertainty. Mandatory and necessary step! A man seeks a woman, and then after the first victories he suddenly feels like a complete idiot - and now she doesn’t even want to call. “Maybe it’s not her”! The secret is that a man must endure the phase of doubt and still continue to care. And then, having overcome doubts, go to stage 3. A woman at this stage should remain calm. sort things out.The most idiotic question a woman can ask at this stage is "how do you feel about me?". He himself does not know the answer to this question! The psyche of a man acts on the principle of suspenders - the farther he moves away, the greater strength he'll be attracted later. And in the second stage, the first distance occurs. It is important for a woman to be calm, not to strain.

3. Desire to be the only one (oh). If a man correctly passed the stage of doubt, the woman did not interfere with him with her calls, and did not punish him when he finally called (“I should have called earlier, the train left”), he has an acute desire to meet only with this woman, to deepen these relationships (does not mean physical intimacy, it can only worsen the relationship at this stage.) Women usually ruin everything when they do not give a man doubts, and often in the 15th year of marriage a man remains in the stage of uncertainty.

4. Soul Relations . People go deeper into each other's lives and hearts. Prior to this, it is easier for a woman to hide her negative character traits, but at this stage it is already visible and reverse side medals. If a woman at this stage cannot open up like that and become herself, she tries her best to look good, not to show her negative qualities of character, emotions, that is, she does not trust a man, then either this is not that stage yet. A woman's attempt to look good in the eyes of a man suggests that she does not appreciate this relationship, and does not trust the man. And in this way, she herself destroys the relationship, since the suppression of emotions causes their accumulation and explosion, which is very dangerous. This is a joyful stage, as we can be ourselves. But if you become yourself earlier, it can lead to disappointment.

5. Engagement. The stage of a relationship that precedes marriage. Any married couple can imagine themselves at the engagement stage. Like spouses, but at any time you can leave. A competent parting at this stage occurs based on the context “I love you, but not enough to live with you all my life.” We can love many, but there are very few loved ones with whom we can live our whole lives. A very common mistake is to think that if I fell in love with this person, then now this is the only person with whom I can connect my fate. your soul mate(even if at first there was no ardent love) and having fully gone through all the stages of the relationship, we begin to love. A Hindu said to an American, “Do you know why you have so many divorces? Because you are constantly striving to immediately marry those you love, and we are trying to love those we have married.” It may seem absurd, but going through all the stages of rapprochement, a person has a chance to accurately determine whether this is really a close person, and even fall in love with him.