Doesn't want a serious relationship. What to do if a man does not want a serious relationship

IN modern world relationships are much more complex, but the same basic psychological mechanism continues to operate in them. Therefore, paired relationships in a state of "uncertainty" often do not bring a woman complete internal satisfaction. And when she agrees that her man is not ready for a serious relationship, she simultaneously “agrees” to her psychological discomfort.

You are smart and beautiful. You met and he proposed to be together. You gladly give all of yourself to your couple: cook his favorite borscht, do not miss spa treatments and wear beautiful lingerie instead of old robes. For a long time it does not seem that this man does not want Serious relationships- vice versa! It seems that the end of your love story not far away.

Can you imagine that one evening, when the two of you are together in a friendly, trusting atmosphere, he will take a deep breath and ...

And suddenly a man says that he does not want a serious relationship ...

This is not even always said directly or in a frank conversation, more often - half hints, half jokes. And you smile and keep quiet when you hear that the guy does not want a serious relationship. There is already a stereotype that it is shameful and unfashionable for a girl to want a wedding with her lover.

The importance of marriage in the modern world is falling, people get married and divorced at the first whim, as if ordering pizza on the Internet, sex before marriage, living together and even having children without a stamp in the passport have not been condemned for a long time.

But no matter how those who are already doing well try to devalue marriage, in a “no obligation” relationship, the woman always becomes the losing side. What happens when a girl, day after day, giving her care and love to a man in the hope of future marriage, and does not receive a cherished marriage proposal? Why does a man not want a serious relationship? The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals the whole background of pair relationships, helping to find clear answers to numerous questions.

A woman seeks to get a sense of security and safety from her partner. This is how the human psyche has developed since ancient times - a woman regarded a man as a guarantor of survival for herself and her offspring.

In the modern world, relationships are much more complex, but the same basic psychological mechanism continues to operate in them. Therefore, paired relationships in a state of "uncertainty" often do not bring a woman complete internal satisfaction, even if she is quite capable of providing for herself. And when she agrees that her man is not ready for a serious relationship, she simultaneously “agrees” to her psychological discomfort.

Even when a woman doesn't realize it, alarm bell“He still hasn’t married me” makes it difficult to fully trust his partner, which negatively affects the microclimate in the couple and even the woman’s ability to conceive and.

Why does a man not want a relationship?

System-vector psychology clearly shows that the psyche of a man is based on desire for a woman. Any, the most beautiful, healthy and intellectually gifted man without a woman next to him is like a Ferrari with an empty gas tank. Without fuel, a luxury car is just a pile of metal, not a sports car that accelerates to 100 km / h in 3 seconds.

A man is more socially active and promising if he has a stable pair relationship. He feels the taste for life more sharply and receives more satisfaction from his achievements. The presence of a beloved gives a man a tangible incentive to move forward. And if he already has one who shared his life with him, inspires him, is always there, then his social and satisfied, and the psyche is in a balanced state.

Therefore, when a man said that he did not want a serious relationship, he really meant it. He does not need to increase the degree of his responsibility: he feels that "quite happy and so."

It happens that adults with the body of a man are actually infantile or not taught to take responsibility - neither for their lives, nor for their wife and children. They also want to have their orgasm and may promise things they are not going to keep.

But far from always a person who does not want to marry is a gigolo or an ordinary scoundrel. It happens that if in his life there was a divorce or painful breakup, a man avoids a serious relationship in the future.

A man after a divorce is afraid of a new relationship - c'est la vie?

It happens that the choice is made correctly - it is really reliable and faithful man who can fix the tap and meet his beloved with a hot dinner. He even loves children and could become ideal husband, but does not seek to bind itself with obligations.

interferes with the previous negative experience- gap, such a man after a divorce does not want a relationship. System-vector psychology shows that there are - caring and family - for them, which, as it were, nullifies a man's sincere efforts to create a family.

Even if such a man burned himself in a relationship only once, he generalizes this experience and subconsciously projects it into the future - this is how his psyche works. You need to understand that if this man enters into a new relationship, he is afraid of a repetition of the situation when he had to suffer from a breakup. And he makes a “logical” conclusion that it is better not to start a serious relationship with a continuation.

What to do when a man does not want a serious relationship

I would like to give a recipe point by point, based on the knowledge of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology.

First, a woman needs to understand herself and that. It happens that we enter into a relationship because of self-doubt, fear of being alone. The internal states of a woman affect the quality of her pair relationships and the partners - real and potential - whom she attracts.

And if a man leaves nearby clear feeling: "this is my man" and you are sure you want to spend your whole life with him? Good news: a man wants a woman, which means that it is the woman in the couple who sets the tone, that is, the direction of this relationship.

A woman is responsible for a special intimate atmosphere for two. Intimacy is a space in which only two are allowed, it is created from shared experiences and memories, from confidential conversations about the most intimate. Thus, a woman creates with her chosen one, between them there is a feeling of extraordinary intimacy and love. If it is supported by a systematic understanding of each other, then this becomes a unique foundation for a long, happy relationship.

Many women were able to establish and improve their couple relationships after. Here are the results of some of them:

"Ever since I met system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, two years have passed, and I continue to make new discoveries almost daily. Just yesterday I realized how much this knowledge helped me create happy family, truly happy, in which I feel like “in my place”: I don’t want to run, I don’t feel fear for the future, I don’t feel incomprehensible.

If a woman systematically understands her partner, she can step by step create that very “lack” in him, the need for relationships of a different order. Even if a man after a divorce does not want a serious relationship, he will not be able to resist when a companion understands and accepts him. Soon he himself will want to have guarantees that this woman is only his woman. Will want to declare it to friends and relatives, society and the whole world.

Cunning, of course, and now we will tell you exactly how.

In general, for a man, there will probably never be a “right” or “suitable” time when he will be downright ready for a relationship. They are in no hurry to say goodbye to their freedom.

The only case when a man wants a relationship is when he thinks that he cannot lose this particular woman, and the very thought that she can be with another does not give him rest.

How is this possible? You can try to become such a woman for him. And, above all, you need to correctly respond to what he says: "I'm not ready yet."

1. Say, "I understand."

If he says that he does not want any serious relationship yet, just tell him: "I understand you." And that's it, nothing more. Don't argue, don't try to convince him.

Pause, wait, be quiet, and then in response, the man usually begins to make excuses and explain his reasons.

He will feel relieved that you understand him, relax and open up to you (unless, of course, he is a normal man, and not just a womanizer).

2. Refrain from having sex with him.

After he decides that you understand him and are not trying to change him, he will want to sleep with you. When it becomes obvious to you, tell him what you like about him and what you appreciate about him.

And then magic words: “I made a promise to myself not to have sex without a serious relationship. I understand your position, but you understand mine.

Here he must be subdued by your virtue, confidence and dignity, so he wants to become your hero. These are the women that men marry.

3. And don't say anything else.

Now he may start arguing with you, but you just calmly answer: "I understand." You sowed the seed and, believe me, he heard you.

You let him know what you want out of life in principle, and not specifically from him. And you gave him the opportunity, without too much pressure, to think that the relationship with you is his idea. Because you know that if not him, then it will be with someone else, and he does not want this anymore.

Of course, it takes patience to pull this off, but it usually works. Good luck!

4 comments

The epithet-diagnosis “dog in the manger” is quite applicable to the situation when a man, announcing “I don’t want a relationship”, keeps the girl “at hand”. Such “unwillingness” manifests itself in different ways: in one - in dodging the question of marriage, in another - in an effort to convince a woman that he is not capable of falling in love, in a third - in ignoring conversations on the topic of love. Why is it so difficult for a guy to recognize a relationship as stable and how should a friend treat this?

Why men do not want a serious relationship: reasons

1. Inertia and habit

If the partner does not burn with the desire to clarify the situation and does not seek to restore order in his own soul, the explanation can be banal: the person is sure that you will not go anywhere, everything suits him, there is no need to rush. Maybe he is really in love with you and knows that the transition to new level inevitable, but internally not ready for the next step. In the worst case, it is convenient for him to stay with you, “his property”, until there is no replacement for you “on the horizon”.

2. Pressure rejection

There are bored young ladies - actively "pressing", "hinting" and rushing to dot the "i". A conversation about certainty, duty, duties is a useful idea. But to renew it persistently and weekly is dangerous. This approach causes intuitive resistance and is fraught with an unexpected denouement: a man, having declared that he wants free relationship without obligations and pressure, will run away to the one that does not put forward conditions. It is possible that he will marry immediately.

3. Position of a bachelor

Your macho may cherish you, but due to his youth, psychological immaturity, he has not matured to the idea of ​​​​stopping on a single partner. This is expressed in the excuses “not before”, “I want freedom”, “the time has not come”. The thought of “tying yourself up” in an infantile man-boy disturbs, deprives him of calmness. The fear of losing the “volushki” is also characteristic of inveterate lone bobs. Waiting for such an instance to “ripen” is a thankless task.

4. "Shadow" of mother-aunt-sister

Traits of character or intonation, reminiscent of a strict mother, a scandalous sister, a boring aunt, can do a disservice to the owner of such “virtues”. A guy who is tired of the society of a passion associated with negativity will one day not want to maintain a serious relationship with her. Not everyone will be able to explain what is pushing for a break, but few people want to doom themselves to eternal stress.

5. Priorities-dreams-plans

Mismatch of goals, difference in ideas about the future, constant attempts to remake the chosen one “for themselves” male side are traditionally treated with hostility. Like disrespect for their dreams, vital important tasks, hobby. For male leaders, the obvious dissonance is not just oppressive - it revolts. Who is pleased when they do not appreciate and do not support anything?

6. Influence of friends-comrades-relatives

A young man who is part of a group of carefree friends not burdened with families - out of solidarity and unwillingness to destroy the "bachelor" brotherhood first - in cohabitation or marriage can see a threat to personal freedom, communication with comrades. Hints from friends or relatives that the girl-passion is “not to their taste”, “of the wrong circle” for this category of boyfriends is also significant.

7. Third extra or sad experience

Echoes of past stories associated with bitter experiences due to a breakup, impressionable partners are often not allowed to relax and trust today's girlfriend. There is a possibility that a person loves, but does not want a relationship for fear of getting a portion of pain again and not coping with it. There is also a “tougher” conflict: the boyfriend has two objects of worship, he chooses.

8. Fear of being alone

The precedent of a man who wants to meet, but not a relationship is typical for middle-aged gentlemen who are afraid of both the emptiness around and the burden associated with marital status problems. It is necessary to figure out whether only the admirer is frightened by the thought of a social vacuum, or whether you experience the same. If both of you are timid, but the impulse to unite is mutual, there is hope for the success of an alliance based on affection. But when the “attraction of souls” is not observed, it is better to leave.

Get bogged down in the diagnosis “a man holds and seems to love, but does not want a serious relationship” - how to stop at half a breath: the air seems to come in, but to inhale full chest it is forbidden. Years go by, girlfriends start families, raise kids, and the object of your passion deprives you of the opportunity to live fully, to plan something. What to hope for, what to advise? First of all, take action.

You can do the following:

• restore (for the umpteenth time!) the freshness of feelings;
• portray an egoistic owner who professes the principle: “I need it - I use it, the best turns up - I’ll quit without regrets”;
• leave, burning not only bridges, but also reminders of them - for the sake of personal rebirth and a rich, harmonious life.

Your pride has been hurt. So get angry with yourself, declare war on disorder. - speak frankly. A frank conversation-shake-up is an effective weapon. You need an answer: is love present or dreamed / imitated / evaporated? Are you loved, desired, or are you being used? Make HIM answer. Refuse - change tactics.

How to break addiction (step by step)

The Forbidden Punch - a message about a new passion that encourages you to leave without hesitation - a great move. When you say this, look into your eyes. Be warned that phone calls are overkill. They are not needed.

He will try to ask, beg - stand your ground. A scene of jealousy will follow - portray indifference. He is unworthy of you: he didn’t see you, he didn’t make you happy, he didn’t call you his wife. The error is fixable, but with a different one.

Will pursue, crumble in confessions, say what you have been waiting for years - do not believe it. He is lying. Understand: an individual who exhausts the soul of his neighbor is unsuitable for marriage.

Distance will help to rethink what happened. Life is short - dedicating it to an egoist who has tied you to himself is stupid. Getting rid of old chains means shortening the path to happiness. It has been waiting for you, believe me ...

Now your program is study, work, acquaintances, travel. Your knight, the only one who needs you, will meet. And the question of what to do if a loved one does not want a relationship will melt away without a trace.

The relationship between a man and a woman always raises many questions. In a couple, there may be misunderstanding, disagreements, or maybe one of the two does not want to be together at all. Then how to understand that the guy does not want a close relationship at all? Or, conversely, serious.

Let's imagine a situation: he meets a girl, invites her on a date, but is in no hurry with the next meeting because the guy does not want a relationship - long and binding to something. The girl begins to worry and is looking for an answer to the question: “What if a man does not want a serious relationship?”.

Or there are situations when a man and a woman meet for a long time, but there is no development in the relationship. They go on dates, sometimes stay overnight with each other, but there is no hint of further joint plans. How to understand that a man does not want a relationship and how to recognize his intentions?

HOW TO UNDERSTAND WHAT A GUY DOES NOT WANT A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU

He doesn't call first

If a man does not show initiative in a relationship at all, does not call or write first, then he is not ready to build a relationship. On early stages communication, it is common for couples to call each other often and write endlessly to each other. Then there is a certain decline in activity in communication, but if a man completely disappears, then he does not want a relationship with this girl at all. How to understand that a man does not want a relationship? Check the number of missed calls and sms. There is no such? Draw your own conclusions.

A man does not introduce his partner to his friends

How to understand from the very first days of communication that the man you like does not want any serious relationship and is only set on light flirting? Ask him to introduce you to his surroundings. If you want to understand if a man is serious, evaluate his level of openness. If you want to build a serious relationship, the guy tries in every possible way to immerse the woman in his life: he invites you to meetings with friends, introduces you to his parents, or invites him to a corporate party.

But if he wants to see you only in private, while not revealing anything personal about himself, you can not count on a serious relationship with him.

He does not use the pronoun "we"

Follow the man's speech. If he, talking about his plans for the near future, says only “I”, most likely he does not see you next to him. For example, when he talks about a restaurant that opened a few days ago, it would be logical to say that you need to go there. But if he says: “I will definitely go to try a steak in this place”, then he is simply not interested in your company.

The young man does not try to please you

No one says that a man should bring home 101 roses every day, but he can make small ones, but pleasant trifles. To cheer up a woman, sometimes a compliment or cooked coffee is enough. But if a man is not ready to do beautiful things for his girlfriend, most likely he does not want to start a relationship with her. There is one universal way how to understand with confidence that a guy who seems to treat you well does not want a closer relationship - he simply does not try to please and surprise you.

A man often changes plans or is constantly late

A young man can set up a date on Friday evening, and then call back in the afternoon and say that he will have to work late. Or he will make an appointment at 20:00, and will come half an hour later. All these actions can be attributed to the disorganization of the partner. But if this becomes a pattern, then this indicates that he does not value meetings with you.

When a man is interested in a woman and wants to build a relationship with her, he is ready to come to work an hour earlier. If only to quickly cope with everything and not be late for a date. Or reschedule a business meeting, so as not to make excuses to the chosen one later.

He does not support a woman when she needs it.

There are many situations in life when a strong one is needed nearby. male shoulder. Whether it's misunderstandings with loved ones or problems at work. As soon as you need support, a man with serious intentions will immediately come to the rescue, hug, calm and support.

Yes, a guy may have his own plans and affairs, but he does not use them as an excuse, and does not cancel meetings, but simply reschedules. And as we know, desire is a thousand possibilities, and unwillingness is a thousand reasons.

A man is afraid of talking about a common future

In the early stages of a relationship, too much talk about general plans look unhealthy for the future. Therefore, you should not put pressure on a man and constantly repeat: “We need to book tickets for a summer vacation”, “We need to plan a celebration for my birthday”. But after some time, making plans together is an absolutely natural process. And with the help of this method, you can understand that a man does not want a serious relationship.

If you notice in a man that he is nervous and does not keep up the conversation when you talk about the future, apparently he is set for a short-term relationship. This behavior of the guys suggests that they plan their lives on their own, and there is no place for a woman there yet.

The young man does not offer intimate relationships

Sex is a logical continuation of the relationship between a man and a woman. Some women have sex on the first date, and some wait three or five. But if after some time intimacy didn’t happen, then most likely the man wants to stop at these meetings and not build a relationship.

But the medal has two sides. There is a second type of guys. Such a partner does not want a serious relationship, but is not against meetings for the sake of sex. It can appear at an unexpected moment and give a woman false hope. And disappears as suddenly as it appeared.

A man does not need a woman's attention

Just as a woman needs the support of a man, stronger sex girls need attention. By the fact that he needs your help so much, you can understand the seriousness of the man's intentions.

He may not ask his chosen one for anything at all. For example, when he leaves on a business trip, and his dog is left unattended. In this case, he could turn to the girl with a request to look after the pet. But if he turns to his sister for help, for example, this is another signal that he is not going to be with this chosen one throughout his life.

He himself talks about it

How to understand that a guy does not want a relationship or, conversely, is trying with all his might to conquer you, but is too shy to openly talk about sympathy? Ask him directly. If a guy says he doesn't want a serious relationship, then you need to make your own choice. Or be content with little rare meetings and intermittent sex) or not waste yourself in intermittent relationships. Maybe the guy does not want a relationship, but wants to communicate with you, because he is interested in you as a person. Whatever the reason, at any time you can stop dating a man in whom something does not suit you. So listen to yourself and make the right choice.

But in this case the man deserves respect, if only because he spoke directly about his intentions, and did not fool around and disappear without a trace.

He honestly admitted that he does not want to be near you and does not see you together. But why? Why doesn't a man want a relationship that goes beyond flirting and dating?

THREE REASONS WHY A MAN DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

We have already figured out how to understand quickly and absolutely accurately that the man you like does not want a serious relationship. And once again we made sure that men's logic For a woman, it's a mystery. Especially when you're trying to figure out if he likes you or not. And when you find out that the correct answer is the last option, you get terribly upset. And you ask yourself: “What is wrong with me? Why doesn't he want a relationship with me?"

It is important to remember here that the cause is not always in you. There may be a great many of them. But we will highlight three main reasons why a guy does not want a relationship:

- you do not fit together, there is no attraction between you and that very spark;
- For a guy, any relationship is very difficult. Perhaps because of previous bitter experience. Or because of how the relationship between parents developed;
- he is not yet ready to enter into a relationship - neither with you, nor with anyone else.

WE UNDERSTAND WHY A MAN DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP. AND HOW TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE DOES WANT THEM AND THAT THE MAN HAS SERIOUS INTENTIONS?

If the above signals are not noticed in the behavior of a man, apparently, he plans to build long term relationship. But how to understand the seriousness of a man's intentions? Is it worth it to ask him directly or is it enough to read the body language?

So, how to understand that a man wants a serious relationship:

IN love affairs one must be guided not only by the heart, but also by the mind. To begin with, it is worth making sure that all expectations about a man are not an illusion. How to understand and figure out that the guy with whom you communicate does not want to build any relationship with you? Abstract and look at both of you from the side, ask your friends and relatives what they think about your couple. Assess his attitude towards you and your feelings and make sure you are not wishful thinking.

Watch how he treats other women

When you go out together in crowded places, see if he pays attention to other girls. If a man is serious about a relationship with one girl, then he does not allow himself to flirt with others.

He spends a lot of time with you

A man in love postpones meetings with friends and postpones work matters until later in order to meet a woman he likes. If he prefers your company, invites you on dates and calls often, then he is serious.

A man wants to introduce you to his parents

While you are wondering why your beloved guy still does not want to reach a new level of relationship, he calls you to his family. And this just shows the seriousness of his intentions. After all native home- this is a place where a guy does not bring every girl. And acquaintance with parents is an indicator of the seriousness of his intentions. Since he decided to take such a step, then most likely, a marriage proposal is just around the corner.

The guy is serious if he plans a joint future

It can be both short-term plans for the next weekend, and more global: from vacation to children. A man who is serious in his intentions will not scatter promises. He really plans a joint future and worries not only for himself, but also for his woman.

He takes into account the sexual desires of a woman

A man can be the initiator intimate relationships, but he must be sympathetic to the requests of a woman. If she wants to wait a bit, then a young man who really wants to build a serious relationship will listen to the wishes of the girl. In a long and serious relationship there is no place for selfishness.

The man shows concern

A man with serious intentions is always trying to take care of his woman. If she gets sick, he will immediately come with medicines, and then he will ask if she is warmly dressed. After all, caring for a partner is the key to a strong and happy relationship.

WHAT TO DO IF THE GUY DOES NOT WANT A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP, BUT WANTS TO COMMUNICATE?

Why does your man openly declare that he does not want to build a serious relationship, but he carries you in his arms? Perhaps he is just afraid to admit his feelings and become very attached to you. Afraid to fall in love head over heels, to lose control over yourself. And the fact that you hurt him. Yes, yes, at heart men are not so steel. In this case, take the initiative and support the man by openly admitting your sympathy.

Even if that same guy openly says that he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you at all, but you both feel sympathy, know that you have a chance. What if the guy doesn't want a relationship (well, at least he says so), and his actions indicate otherwise? Just be patient and accept the fact that it won't be at your feet right away.

Question:
My girlfriend is friends with ex-boyfriend. They see each other sometimes, he helps her in some of her affairs. They have some things in common. How to react to it? What to do?

Question:

My girlfriend is friends with her ex-boyfriend. They see each other sometimes, he helps her in some of her affairs. They have some things in common. How to react to it? What to do?

Alexander Biryukov's answer:

I'll start with what there is no "friendship" between a man and a woman. Any inter-gender "friendship" is divided into two options: 1. He wants her, but she doesn't want him, 2. She wants him, but he doesn't. So choose from these two options, which one is more pleasant for you.

Second. What a touching picture: the girl is friends with the former, and he so nobly helps her in her affairs! Now go and wash up cold water to wake up. Because it's not him, her ex, but you're her temporary. She's with you just because she's bored of being alone while she waits for her chance to get her ex back. And in order not to be completely dreary, she spends time with you. Maybe even give you. Because women also love sex, and the ex does not want it.

In fact, her relationship is still there. And her man (at least in her head) is the one you call an ex. And not you at all.

Basically, you don't mind her at all. Maximum.

Now about the general affairs. What is your girlfriend, co-owner of the concern, and the second co-owner is her ex? Well then, the choice is yours, what to prefer: to be a cuckold and live with a rich lady, or to keep honor.

What, no concern? Then what kind of inseparable things can they have that she continues to meet with the person she broke up with?

Let me explain. Any parting can only be against the background of serious dissatisfaction with each other. And dissatisfied people first of all remove the "irritant" from their lives. That is, if they really broke up, they would cut off all contacts and certainly would not meet once a week to crackle in a cafe.

Their "common affairs" are nothing more than her attempt to maintain bridges with the object of her true love. I repeat, you are nothing more than a surrogate for her. The real relationship is still there. She asks him to help her in the hope that there will be an opportunity to restore the relationship. She closely monitors the situation and waits for an opportunity to return her lover. This is what their contacts, “common affairs” and other evasions are intended for. I won’t be surprised if she already tried to roll up to the former during your relationship.

In any case, what is described in the question is guaranteed to lead to cheating on you with your ex. Either she will achieve her goal and return the ex, or she will simply somersault with him sometimes, rejoicing that at least she was able to keep him.

Even if they have real business relationship, then the probability of episodes of "friendly sex" between them tends to 100%. Business relationships turn into sexual ones. Or even do not pass, but do not end.

What to do? Stop being an alternate or temporary airfield.

Exit one. You directly demand that she cut off all contact with the former. She removes him from her social media. networks and blacklisted. Deletes a phone number. There can be no talk of any meetings in real life, this is already 90% treason.

Otherwise, you break up with her. Why - can you briefly explain. Although, women understand such things themselves, without words. And, in fact, she should think of herself to make sure that the shadow of her previous relationship does not make you nervous. It's just a matter of cleanliness and loyalty. If she didn't, that's already a huge argument in favor of the fact that you don't really mean anything to her.

No objections are accepted. If she refuses (under any pretext) - definitely parting. They don’t have such important things that they cannot be interrupted for the sake of your relationship.

Don't want to interrupt? It means that your relationship, your feelings for her are not really worth anything. She's just spending time with you. She has love on the side. 100% guarantee.

And here is the video version of the article: