Unequal marriage: causes, pros and cons. Socially unequal marriage - is there a future

At the words “unequal marriage”, the famous painting by Pukirev immediately appears, in which a young beauty is married to an old man. In our time, unequal marriages are being made more and more often, and the age difference between husband and wife in many cases ceases to play a big role. But still, until now, speaking of an unequal marriage, we usually mean that the husband is older than his wife.

But more and more often marriages are concluded when the wife is older, and much older. Moreover, contrary to popular belief, these are far from always marriages of convenience, and young husbands are not necessarily gigolos who want to profit at the expense of an aging woman. And yet, what are the reasons that make young men marry women older by 5, 10, 15, or even more years?

Psychologists say that the main reason for this choice is male infantilism. That is, a man, even being successful, at heart remains a little boy in need of maternal care and care.

The cause of infantilism may be childhood trauma associated with the fear of being rejected, abandoned, lonely. Play their role and mistakes in education. As a rule, this sissy”, whom from childhood she not only loved, but adored her mother, sacrificing everything for the sake of her beloved child.

Raised in adoration since childhood, and in the future, a man is looking for the same attitude towards himself. You won’t expect this from a peer, but a woman who is much older may well relate to young husband.

Often men do not want to bother themselves in the field family relations. Everyone knows that the family is work, the search for a compromise, responsibility, mutual concessions and much more. And a young man who marries a woman much older than him can afford to relax and live the way he likes: to be capricious, express dissatisfaction, dictate terms, because he is sure that his wife is afraid to lose him and agree with everything.

In addition to all this, a mature woman in our time often looks more presentable and attractive than her young rivals. She is well-groomed, spectacularly dressed, has life and sexual experience, is independent, self-confident and self-sufficient. She is able to understand a man, not to be capricious or petty, obsessive or frankly stupid. She knows what she wants and knows how to achieve it, which makes her young man not only interest, but also respect and admiration.

And what does a woman look for in an unequal marriage? Why does she agree to such a misalliance? The reasons can also be hidden in childhood, for example, with the early loss of a father, in the absence of a father, with a father who does not pay enough attention to his daughter, does not allow her to grow up next to him. Or in a situation where a woman cannot come to terms with the death of her father, does not let him go. The reasons may be upbringing, long loneliness and unsatisfied maternal instinct.

In addition, for an aging woman, a young husband can become a challenge to old age, the last attempt to regain youth, experience love, and for this she is able to challenge public opinion, go against others, take risks for at least a few years of happiness with her loved one. She no longer needs a man to be a breadwinner, support her and her family, be a mentor and support - it is enough for her that she loves and is loved, and she is able to provide everything else herself.

But whatever the reasons for such marriages, another thing is more important - how durable they are, is full happiness possible for both partners in such a marriage? In an unequal marriage, despite all his self-confidence, a man does not feel very comfortable, although, it seems, he has a more advantageous position. By and large, he has a constant dissatisfaction with his male life, thirst for new experiences. He is not a protector, not a breadwinner, not the very “wall” and support that any woman dreams of - that is, there are no components for male pride, high self-esteem and self-confidence.

For a woman, such a marriage is an eternal struggle with old age, the fear of losing a young husband, the pangs of jealousy. Moreover, these feelings are also experienced by the strongest, most successful and accomplished women. But it is these fears of a man and a woman that contribute to the fact that they hold on to each other, make concessions and learn to get along, find a compromise.

Such marriages are happy, because a man who has received from a woman that degree of care, attention, adoration that he needs, gets used to comfort. And, besides, since it was not the body shell that initially attracted him in his wife, he will not be disappointed by aging and a change in the appearance of a woman.

And a woman who consciously chooses a young man as her husband will not be disappointed by his infantilism, inability to make decisions, be support and protection. It's just that type marital relations, which can be defined by the concept of "mother-son".

Of course, much depends on the specific circumstances and specific people entering into marriage, from the depth of their feelings and decency. a serious reason For conflicts in such a family, the impossibility of a woman to give birth to a child due to her age can serve. And if for a man the continuation of the family is not an empty phrase, then such a family is doomed. Although in this case it is important to know how both partners are configured.

For unequal marriages one of greatest dangers represent not the relations of the young husband and wife themselves, but excessive attention and interference in their lives by those around them - friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors, etc. Idle conversations, gossip, discussion, censure - all this can be those droplets of water that also undermine rocks. Therefore, entering into an unequal marriage, one must accurately foresee all the complications that await the family on the way. Anticipate and be prepared.

Unequal marriage What relationships fall under this definition? Why do people decide on such an alliance. What are the advantages and disadvantages of unequal marriages. How to turn a misalliance into a happy relationship.

The content of the article:

An unequal marriage is a formal relationship between people who have significant differences between themselves. Most often by age, less often by social status, material security. Such marriages used to be considered a misalliance and are now not perceived as the norm. But this does not stop unequal spouses. Consider why they decide on such a relationship and what can come of it.

The main reasons for unequal marriages

The lion's share of such relationships is unequal marriages by age. Many doubt the sincerity and disinterestedness of such unions. Although mercenary interests may also be present, in reality this is not the only reason for such marriages.

The main reasons for creating unequal marriages are:

As it turned out, misalliances can have not only different reasons occurrence. They themselves may be different. So, the psychology of unequal marriages conditionally divided them into several types.

The main types of unequal marriages:

Unequal marriages by age. These are leaders among all their "relatives". Under the definition of a misalliance by age, according to psychologists, unions with a difference in age of 10 years, not familiar to us, fall a little less. Today, unequal marriages are those in which one of the spouses is older than the other by 7 years or more.
Unequal marriages by financial condition . In this case, partners with different levels of income or material condition participate in the marriage. For example, a public sector worker and a businessman (businesswoman) with serious capital and real estate abroad.
Unequal marriages by social status. In such unions, the husband and wife come from different walks of life. At the same time, unequal social marriage- one of the most problematic options for unequal marriages, since the purity of the blood of representatives of high society is vigilantly observed by their families. Because of what it is very difficult for such a spouse to overcome the resistance of relatives. Despite the fact that the "lower classes" very often do not mind raising their status due to a profitable marriage.
Unequal marriages in appearance. Unions, when one of the partners clearly has a more attractive appearance, also take place. And if the feelings of a not very attractive spouse for their fair half are quite understandable, then a handsome man (or a beauty) can be driven by far from romantic urges.

One clean look unequal marriage is very rare. More often in life you can see mixes of several types of misalliance.

It is also possible to divide into several types of grooms in age, on which the “shade” of marriage with him will depend. types of husbands nervous marriage when the wife is younger:

hardened bachelor. That is, a “young” man who has exchanged his fifth decade and has not yet been married. The desire to prolong the family and the approaching old age can move him to change his life credo. If such a groom has stability and security, there is every chance that he will be a wonderful father and husband.
Women lover. This type of spouse has already seen and tried a lot. Therefore, he not only beautifully looks after, avoids conflicts and prevents embarrassing situations, but also requires no less from his companion. Since he has examples for comparison, his next passion must necessarily be better than the previous one. You have to be ready to comply.
Woken up. So you can call men who suddenly break strong long-term family ties for the sake of infatuation with a young woman or girl. The most unpredictable type of aged groom, because even if he divorces for the sake of his young passion, there is no guarantee that his passion will not go out as quickly as it flared up. And again he does not want home comfort in an abandoned family nest.

Benefits of Unequal Marriages

Despite the fact that modern misalliances have a rather dubious reputation, they have a place to be. Let's consider what attracts the participants of such an union, which is not quite accepted in society, to swim against the tide.

The main advantages of unequal marriage:

Return of self-confidence. One of the biggest pluses for an older spouse. Both a man and a woman who have crossed the threshold of maturity become more sensitive to the changes that time brings to them. And if for the beautiful half of humanity, appearance is still of great importance, then for the strong half - their masculine strength. Although external attractiveness does not fade into the background. Therefore, a nearby young partner not only looks younger, but also ignites his mature lover from the inside. This makes the latter feel more confident and happy.
Sexual release. Both parties can benefit from age misalliance. The older, more experienced side brings in sexual relations experience, confidence and romance. The smaller, more passionate half - emancipation and indefatigable energy.
Opportunity to exercise maternal instinct. Women who have not realized the maternal feelings given by nature or no longer have a chance to realize them (children left, grandchildren grew up), entering into an unequal marriage, can redirect the energy of care to their spouse. And it will give her no less pleasure than a passionate relationship in her youth. Moreover, it can be either a 60-year-old man or a 20-year-old boy. It all depends on what kind of relationship model a woman prefers.
Romantic Component. Over the years, a person becomes wiser and gains experience, but at the same time, his sexual energy is declining. And men are more sensitive to it. Therefore, they again begin to appreciate romance and this is what they put their main bet in a relationship. Such protracted candy-bouquet periods can not help but like his young wife. And the look is pretty and happy wife makes him no less satisfied and happy.
material gain. Like it or not, but now few people will agree to paradise in a hut. Therefore, it is quite logical that a financially secure girl has every chance not only to look good, but also to get a good education, as well as a lot of opportunities for self-development, for the birth and upbringing of children. As is the young man.
Image maintenance. There is a certain benefit to the older half of the misalliance. After all, a young “flower” walking nearby is capable of not only evoking condemning glances, but also envious ones. And also to support the image of a successful or capable man, or a self-confident and still desirable woman.
calmness. Unlike young spouses, older partners value home comfort and tranquility more. Therefore, they try to carefully bypass all possible corners of the relationship, avoid petty quarrels and prevent misunderstandings.

Important! When evaluating all the pros and cons of such relationships, it is important to take into account the time factor and soberly assess your prospects. After all, over time, some of the pluses can smoothly turn into minuses.

Disadvantages of unequal marriages

Of course, social rejection of unequal marriages is not the only drawback of misalliance. There are several other reasons why such alliances do not have prospects.

The main disadvantages of unequal marriage:

Difference of interest. difference in age and/or social status determines not only the difference in appearance And physical form. Inevitably, there is also a difference in interests. Such partners grew up in different times and in different conditions, therefore, their tastes, preferences and even life attitudes are likely to be different. In addition, everyone knows the tendency of older people to teach and guide the younger generation on the true path. In an unequal marriage, there is every chance of getting such a “bonus”.
different perspectives on free time . No less contention can be caused by ways of spending leisure time: an elderly spouse who has health problems is unlikely to want to spend time on noisy parties or on mountain slopes. Going to nightclubs and racing around the night city and a wealthy lady will not be very attractive. Especially the one that prefers proper rest and healthy sleep.
Different social circle. The difference between age and social status It also forms a different social circle of spouses who have decided on an unequal marriage. It is quite logical that it will be difficult for a simple girl or a guy to fit into the company of people who are used to living in abundance and enjoying all the benefits of civilization. It will be difficult for them to support small talk about travel, international politics, fashion shows, science news, etc. You will also need to learn how to behave, including in order to beautifully defend your place near a wealthy spouse. It will not be very comfortable for older spouses in noisy companies of peers of a young husband or wife. After all, they can no longer fully share the desire of younger people to dance and have fun all day and night long, spontaneously change plans and make rash decisions. In addition, often such fun takes place “with a degree”, but you either can’t drink, or don’t feel like it anymore.
public rejection. When agreeing to such official relations, one must be ready to defend one's position - with one's parents and friends, the family and friends of one's chosen one, at work or school, and even on the street.
Established character and habits. If something can still be “sculpted” from a young spouse or wife, then the adult personality no longer change. Therefore, the already mentioned experience and maturity have their drawbacks - established habits, character traits and preferences. You will have to come to terms with how the senior partner sees these relationships - in everyday life, in behavior, in sex, in the field of communication. You need to be prepared for the fact that you have to endure something and change something in yourself. Change in it (or in it) will not work.
Health problems. This factor cannot be avoided in a misalliance. Even if at the time of painting the husband is 40 years old, the aging process will not stop for him. Many already at this age have chronic diseases that will definitely manifest themselves further. Therefore, a young wife or young husband who wants to prolong the life of their older spouses will have to pay great attention their health. Proper nutrition, healthy lifestyle life, minimizing stress, observing restrictions (if they are prescribed by a doctor) - all this a young partner must provide to his spouse at the age. So in such a union there will be not only romance.
Jealousy. Another reason that often poisons similar marriages. The youth and external attractiveness of the younger partner attract not only the older spouse or spouse, but also other members of the opposite sex. This forces the adult participants to take a lot of effort to keep themselves in shape, but does not get rid of the feeling of jealousy. Moreover, it is constantly growing every year. And it's often justified.
High risk of cheating. Of course, any marriage is not immune from adultery, regardless of the age, appearance and social status of the spouses. But in unequal marriages (especially marriages based on age and appearance), the risk of such betrayal is much higher. AND main reason pure physiology will play here: an aged partner is no longer as attractive and not as temperamental as a young wife or young husband would like. Therefore, no aged spouse is immune from the fact that his (or her) young partner decides to "receive" the desired love on the side.
Children. Another stumbling block in the alliance of spouses with a large age difference. First, an older spouse may already have children from previous marriage with whom you will have to communicate and find mutual language. Secondly, the possibility of having common healthy children in such an alliance is much lower than in an alliance with a peer. Both physiologically and genetically (with age, the eggs and sperm cells undergo genetic changes). Although modern science ready to help with that.
rapid aging. German scientists, studying couples where the husband is much older than his wife, came to disappointing conclusions. For young women. They found that in such a misalliance, women fade faster. And this is not because the older husband “pulls” her young energy from his wife. On the contrary, scientists believe that the young wife herself emotionally "wears out", trying to match the mature and more experienced husband. Their English colleagues found that not better for women and in the opposite misalliance, when she is much older than her chosen one. In this case, the stress that she experiences from the rejection of such a union by others contributes to the reduction in life expectancy. Even imaginary. Feeling for the strength and honesty of the union can also increase stress.
Force Majeure. If the reason for the misalliance on the part of the young partner is purely mercantile interests, you need to be prepared for any unforeseen situations. For example, an elderly husband or wife may turn out to be even those “zhivchik”, so it will take much longer to wait for the inheritance than expected. And if you wait, you may have to “reconquer” him from relatives. Or it may happen that the spouse does not include you in the will or simply does not have time to do so. Not to mention the possibility of bankruptcy, divorce or serious illness.

Another factor that incorrigible romantics need to take into account is to die on the same day with a spouse who is many years older, naturally most likely it won't work.

How to save a relationship in an unequal marriage

Marriage between people with a big difference in age or social status is actively promoted by many media people, but so far remains a socially unaccepted phenomenon. But this does not mean that relationships in an unequal marriage cannot be happy. But to this, however, as in traditional marriage, you need to make an effort.

Top tips for making an unequal marriage happy:

Become a diplomat. This advice is equally important for a young husband and a young wife. Since a partner who is the same age as the parents is not exactly what they wanted for their child, try to find common ground that will help them communicate. It can be common acquaintances, events, films, music, vacation spots - bet on their common nostalgia for youth. Stock up on arguments in favor of your mature partner - both in terms of stability, and in terms of experience, and in terms of a good attitude, and in terms of status and / or material security. The birth of joint children will also help to melt the ice in relations with parents.
Develop. A wealthy spouse is a great opportunity for personal growth. In conditions of material security, you can get a good education, and in conditions of a difference in social status, it is simply necessary to get it. It also provides an opportunity to develop their abilities, self-improvement. That is, do everything to “grow” to the level of your successful partner and become a worthy couple for him. Moreover, in any case, it is the young half that will have to change and adapt.
Respect your partner. Sometimes mutual respect cements a marriage even more than love. Such a tactic in relationships is extremely relevant in order to make an unequal marriage happy. Therefore, the younger member of such an alliance needs to learn to respect the habits, opinions and life principles of his mature spouse. Avoid conflict situations and take into account his (her) capabilities, desires.
Provide Care. Since the reverse coin of a misalliance is health problems that a mature spouse already has or will definitely have, a young partner needs to be prepared for such a turn of events. And not only morally. Gotta learn everything possible factors, which can cause deterioration or exacerbation of existing chronic disease and carefully guard against them. That is, to become not only a lover, but also a good housewife, friend and doctor.
Befriend his children. If there are children from previous relationships in the life of a senior partner, you need to find a common language with them. At a minimum, congratulate them on the holidays, be interested in life and not interfere with communication with the parent. At the very least, become friends. A good relationship with children, a spouse or spouse will only add “points” to you (and not only in his or her eyes) and further strengthen the marriage.
Find compromises. The difference of interests will emerge, if not immediately, then over time. But this is not a reason to pout your lips and adjust the older partner for yourself. Find a middle ground for leisure activities that will suit both. You are not having much fun with his friends, and he is uncomfortable with your girlfriends - offer to organize such meetings outside the home. He loves football, billiards or fishing with friends - do not limit his hobbies. And you will have a chance that he will also allow you to dance with your girlfriends in the club.
Be tolerant. Over the years, not only the appearance deteriorates, but also the character of a person. Therefore, despite the enthusiasm and tender attitude towards your young partner, reproaches, complaints, moralizing from a mature spouse can break through in a relationship. Mood changes may be due to different factors- from a change in the weather to a cup placed in the wrong place.

Important! To make their efforts for a successful union, its older participants should also. And here you can give some basic advice: take care of yourself and your health, do not reproach yourself financially, do not be jealous, do not overprotect, do not try to keep up with the rhythm of the life of a young partner and do not think about the bad.

Watch the video about unequal marriage:

An unequal marriage can be successful and happy for both spouses. It is important that awareness, trust and sincere feelings, and if the latter are not present, then honesty and respect. As well as the willingness to resist public opinion and gossip.

Most women who are in search of a lover want to be future husband was a few years older. In a man, a woman wants to see a protector, a support, a strong shoulder for herself, and a caring father for her children. But today there are unequal marriages: she is older than him, especially such marriages are becoming popular among show business stars.

Unequal marriage: why such a union arises

An unequal marriage is a union of two people in which the age difference between the spouses is more than 10 years.

People enter into an unequal marriage for several reasons:

A woman chooses to partner with a man younger than her age, because she has a desire to take care of someone. Often this happens in those women who do not have children, or in those women whose children have matured a long time ago, but motherly feelings prevail in a woman.

There is another version of an unequal marriage, when a girl enters into a relationship with a man much older than herself. Such relationships are chosen by those girls who lacked the love and care of their father. A man in this case is in middle age, and with such a relationship he wants to prove to himself and to everyone around him that he can do a lot.

In addition to all these reasons, another reason may be the lack of romance in a woman's life, support, and a mature man can give all this. With such a man, a woman can be defenseless, weak.

Reasons for choosing a woman

There are some reasons why a woman chooses a man younger than herself as her companion:

A woman enters into a relationship with a man who is younger than her, at a time when she has a stable income, and she does not need the financial support of a man.

A temperamental woman may be dissatisfied with her sexual relationships. And with a young man, you can return passion, ardor of feelings to a relationship. And from the point of view of physiology, this is very simply explained: thanks to some changes in the body, a woman becomes sexually more active, and an aged man does not always manage to be at his best in this regard.

Another reason is that a woman has a desire to take care of her man, while she herself does not need support.

Advantages of an unequal marriage

An unequal marriage has its positive aspects:

The first positive fact is that female partner older in age, wiser than the same age as her chosen one, she can easily get out of any conflict situation, including due to the fact that she is already able to forgive many things to her lover.

The woman has already made a career, has an income. And in this case, financial difficulties can bypass this couple, and the young chosen one can devote his time to doing a business that brings income. Whereas in cases where both are peers in a relationship, they very often have to resolve issues related to finances.

A woman devotes more time to herself in order to match her partner, in particular, she begins to walk in Gym, pool. She may wish to contact plastic surgeon to become more attractive, but this is not necessary at all. They love not the body, but the soul.

Cons of an unequal marriage

In the fact that a woman is older than a man, there are certain negative points:

A man may want a child from his beloved woman, but, as a rule, adult woman already has children and the desire to give birth again, most likely, she will not appear.

The older a woman becomes, the more difficult it is for her to endure and give birth to a child. Of course, she can give birth at 40 and 50 years old, but late delivery increase the likelihood of having a child with developmental disabilities, and can become a threat to a woman's health. Therefore, all issues related to childbearing must be discussed in advance, before marriage.

It happens that an adult woman can be jealous of a young husband for girls of the same age as him. But a woman needs to understand that if a man is with her, it means that he chose her among all, she will be the most desirable and beautiful for him.

Unequal celebrity marriages

Unequal marriages among celebrities, in which the spouse is older, have been condemned for a long time. But, despite this, star couples have been living together for many years.

According to psychologists, marriages Russian stars in which between spouses a big difference aged - durable, thanks to harmony, and sincerity of feelings. Here are examples of such couples, looking at their photos together, one cannot say that these couples are unhappy in marriage with each other.

Unequal marriages, in which a man is 10 or more years older than his chosen one, have existed at all times. In the ancient summers in Rus', young girls were happily given away by their parents in marriage to adult wealthy suitors. Thus, they provided a “full” life for their beloved daughter. The question "likes or dislikes" did not matter here. The motivation for such marriages has always been obvious.

The natural reaction of people who witness such unequal marriages is condemnation and indignation. Most often, eyewitnesses suspect mercantile interest bride, this most often justifies her unusual choice.

But suddenly it turns out that the groom has “the wind in his pocket”, is no longer young, has a small regular income, rents an apartment, travels exclusively by train. And then our previous thoughts about commercialism came to a standstill. So, not only this is the reason for unequal marriages, there is something else less obvious, but which is the place to be.

Here are some reasons for unequal marriages:

A girl who grew up without a dad is completely unconsciously looking for care and guardianship from her middle-aged chosen one.

Women's mind. Very often a woman is not interested in her peers due to her development, she simply has nothing to talk about with them, no common interests and hobbies. Therefore, she chooses a man much older than herself.

There are situations when a young girl is uncomfortable for some reason to live with her parents at home. She doesn't care who to marry, as long as she quickly moves to her husband, away from her family. And an adult man, most likely, already has his own "corner" where she can move. In this case, the man acts as a rescue hero.

Stability. Most women dream of starting a family, to be sure of tomorrow. Mature men who have experience in this can offer all this to a woman. In addition, they know how to take good care of them. A chrysanthemum in cellophane is far from everything we dream about, it would not hurt to add gallantry, courtesy, gifts and courtship, which young guys often do not know about.

For men, such marriages allow them to experience a second youth. His eyes sparkle, and butterflies start up in his heart, from a well-groomed uncle, he turns into a blooming gentleman.

His prestige in the eyes of his friends rises, many even envy him.

Well, the last, most incredible, but at the same time wonderful and magical reason is love. Few people believe in it, but it cannot be ruled out. Two people are kindred souls at first sight, with the same thoughts, interests and goals, in this case the age limits are erased and the age difference is noticeable only externally.

Positive aspects (pluses) of unequal marriage:

1) One of the advantages can be noted that sexual relations with an experienced man like girls more than with less experienced peers.

2) An adult man is less hot and more reasonable, this marriage will be able to avoid many mistakes of young couples.

3) If the reason for the marriage was financial
interest, then a girl can live for her own pleasure, engage in education, children or any hobby, without thinking about material problems at all.

4) In such a marriage, everyone gets exactly what they wanted and what they aspired to. Even without love, such marriages are quite durable.

Richard Hils is an American psychologist who studied the problem of unequal marriages in which the man is 10 or more years older than the woman. As it turned out, unequal marriages are most often happy and durable. In this case, two obligatory conditions must take place: love (great and bright) and the coincidence of psychotypes. He says that mature men value the hearth more and try to protect their family from the troubles and petty quarrels that very often occur in young families.

Negative sides (cons) of unequal marriage:

1) Firstly, for whom it is important, you cannot "live together happily ever after and die on the same day." Indeed, according to statistics, men already live 7 years less than women.

2) It is no longer possible to remake or adjust a mature man “for himself”. All his habits will have to come to terms.

3) Leisure and free time. If you do not have common interests and activities, then this can cause quarrels.

4) Your friends. For the husband's friends, the young wife will always be a stupid girl, and for the wife's girlfriends, her chosen one will be a hopeless old man. It is unlikely that they will be able to take part in parties together that are arranged by young friends of the wife.

5) Another minus may not “emerge immediately” - this is the betrayal of his wife. A man usually has a recession sexual activity, while the woman is still young and she needs a more intense relationship. All this will inevitably lead to jealousy, since Old man can no longer compete with young rivals.

In Rostock (Germany), scientists from the Institute for Demographic Research found that in a marriage where a man is much older than his wife, a woman ages much faster and her life expectancy is shorter. Scientists explain this interesting phenomenon by the fact that in emotionally a young wife tries to “reach out” for a more experienced, mature husband, and therefore her withering occurs much faster than usual. After studying about 2 million unequal marriages, scientists came to the conclusion that it is best for a woman to marry a peer. Scientists from many countries have become interested in this phenomenon, and new, more in-depth experiments will be carried out in the near future.

Obviously, people initially see in unequal marriages only meanness and calculation. Why do they see this world in such a color? Maybe they just don't know how to love?

Today, the topic of unequal marriages is more relevant than ever. Society is considered normal when a woman marries an older man. Such a marriage does not cause gossip and bewilderment, since it is generally accepted that an adult man is more experienced and wealthy, besides, he is ready to create a family and maintain it, and in this case the girl did a good choice. But if it turns out the other way around, and a woman marries a more young man, then the condemnation of relatives and close friends does not count. In such a situation, not every relationship can withstand this test, and in most cases the marriage breaks up. Can an unequal marriage be happy?

Causes of unequal marriages.
Women who have decided to become the wife of a younger man, as a rule, have already taken place in life, they have excellent earnings and have decided housing problem. Therefore, the material side of the future husband is not so important to them. Most often, such women clearly know what they want from this particular man. The main thing that attracts women in such a union that they put in the first place is sexual relations, which happen much more often for such couples, and sex is more diverse, because it is known that female sexuality blooms at a more mature age (after 30 years) , while men's is on the decline. And since there are no men among her peers who could cope with her ardent temperament, a woman is looking for this in young people. A young partner is a kind of outlet in the life of a mature woman. In addition, an important role for a woman when choosing a man younger than herself is played by a sense of confidence and security. Often held women who do not need any support, married to a younger man, try to patronize him, which is partly due to hypertrophied maternal instinct.

Well, if the motives of women entering into an unequal marriage in which the man is younger are understandable, then what are the motives of men who marry an older woman? Of course, material interests will come first. However, very often a man who chooses an older woman as his wife does not pursue material benefits. He is subconsciously driven by the first sexual experience he had with mature woman. Such a man may miss his beloved mother - a woman who will look after him and patronize him.

When a woman marries more mature man she can see in him one of the following types: the first is a man of great interest from women, who had several marriages in the past; the second is an inveterate bachelor who does not want to meet old age alone and the third is a mature man experiencing a midlife crisis. Marriage with each type of such men has its positive and negative sides.

The first type of men has a rich experience with women. But therein lies the advantage of marrying such a man. His former chosen ones have already raised him, so he already knows how to behave with a woman in a given situation, so as not to cause conflict. But here there is also a drawback, such a man has someone to compare with. One was a wonderful hostess, the other was good in bed, and so on. Such a man is spoiled, so he wants to see everything positive traits previous wives in a young wife, that is, she must be "superrr" in all respects.

The second type of men includes men who, in their 40-45 years, have never been married. And then suddenly, “bang,” and the thought appeared in his head that it was urgent to get married and start a family so as not to be left alone in old age. Such a man will readily take full responsibility. He takes the role of the head of the family: he has a house, material and financial security, for complete happiness there are not enough heirs, which a healthy young wife will give him. The advantage of marriage with such a man is that the man is ripe for a long time to create a family, he will be a wonderful father and a good husband because he a wise man and he does not need to assert himself in family conflicts he knows how to smooth everything sharp corners in a relationship.

The third type is men who are experiencing a midlife crisis, when, having lived with a spouse of the same age for more than twenty years, they meet a young woman and fall in love with her without memory. As a rule, such a marriage is preceded by a stormy romance, life in two families, hard divorce with his first wife. According to statistics, more than 80% of girls who marry a man who was taken away from the family are very disappointed in such a marriage. It is one thing to see each other several times a week, and another thing is a joint family life. It happens that having achieved her goal, a young mistress, having married, does not get what she expected. As a rule, such women become housewives, become pregnant, and the result is the same model of relationships that her husband had with ex-wife. A man is more wise and knowledgeable, who cares about weak woman. In such a situation, a woman is comfortable and she feels protected.

As a rule, a woman in such a marriage is absolutely happy. A husband over 60 is attentive, caring and gentle, indulges his wife in everything, pampers. In addition, even at this age, men do not stop beautifully caring for a woman. They go to theaters with her, they are a spiritual and emotional mentor, which men of the same age cannot always give. A woman will never betray such a man, even having a casual relationship on the side, a woman will never leave her elderly husband.

However, such a marriage also has its drawbacks. In adulthood, men have problems associated with poor health. An elderly husband imposes certain obligations on a woman. She must have great patience, be tactful and be able to sympathize. In addition, she should be not only an excellent hostess, but also a doctor. Know when to take blood pressure, give vitamins, and also if the husband starts rheumatism or exacerbation diabetes. In addition, the young wife should make sure that the elderly husband leads a healthy lifestyle, is more often on fresh air, rested. By marrying a mature man, a woman may look older than her years. An elderly husband can find fault with a young wife if she did something wrong for him. You should not remake such a man, because he has his own habits, orders, way of life to which he is accustomed. All his oddities must be ready to be taken for granted and not impose your opinion on him.

Naturally, in an unequal marriage, an elderly husband has a fear that a young wife will leave to a young man, so he is very jealous. In addition, such a man is afraid that he is not loved, but chosen because of material well-being. In addition, a man who has gone to a young wife feels guilty before previous wife and children, if any. In general, such a marriage is also not without problems. A young wife in such a marriage confronts her husband with impotence, and with his jealousy, rheumatism and many other problems of a man. But, despite all this, young women are increasingly marrying a man older than themselves, looking for paternal support, romance, attention, spirituality in them, something that they cannot find in their peers.

First, a woman should always take care of her appearance and look to match her young husband. In addition, a woman must keep her youth as long as possible in order to compete with young girls. After all, the appearance of a woman is not the last place in a relationship.

Secondly, you should not put a young man in the position of a child, because by nature men want to be leaders. If you crush these aspirations in him and take everything into your own hands, then sooner or later such a man will leave for another woman.

Third, never relax. The stamp in the passport is not a guarantee of a strong and long happy life. family life, and in cases with an unequal marriage, the family may break up without having existed even for three years. In an unequal marriage, there should be no tantrums, suspicions, and even less accusations. Mature age women imposes an obligation to be wiser.

And lastly, do not make toys out of a man, giving him gifts, and in return demanding a lot of sex. After all, sooner or later he will get tired of it. In such a relationship importance acquires the quality of sex, material well-being it also matters, but if there is no trust, sincerity and understanding in a relationship, such a marriage is doomed to collapse.

An unequal marriage can be both happy and unhappy. Couples in an unequal marriage, most importantly, need to learn to ignore public opinion and gossip. After all, many couples who have a noticeable age difference are happy. They have children, common goals and plans, regardless of age. The most important thing in such a relationship is love and the desire to be together.

Happiness in an unequal marriage is possible if there is no influence of relatives on both sides who interfere in the relationship between husband and wife. I would like to wish such couples that they take out “dirty linen in public” as little as possible, then they will have more chances to stay together. But an unequal marriage can also be destroyed from the inside because of the fears that haunt a woman who has decided on this kind of relationship.