Mitya Fomin: "Misalliances can be many times happier than equal marriages." Is unequal marriage nervous? Star unequal marriages

Since ancient times, the format of communication between men and women has been reduced to established rules and canons. The girls patiently waited for the suitors who came to woo their parents, seeking the hand and heart of the chosen one. If the future spouse did not receive the approval of relatives, then the wedding became an illusion, which the beloved could only dream of. After the abolition of the slave system, when wealthy people old age forcibly brought to the altar of young beauties, marriages are concluded mainly between the same age. It is generally accepted that young spouses have more joint interests and hobbies.

However, in the 21st century, new formats of relations are rapidly developing, which it was embarrassing to even think about before. Today, there are a number of states in the political arena where it is allowed and encouraged same-sex marriage. The phenomenon is inexplicable for most people, but tolerance and democracy, flourishing in developed countries, lead to the inevitable acceptance of such a model of a love union. Civil registry office workers record many marriages between men and women with a large. IN modern society such relationships are considered the norm, so there is nothing to be surprised in the current situation.

However, even close relatives of the spouses often doubt the sincerity of such unions. It is not surprising, because few represent the points of contact and the nature of mutual understanding between a twenty-year-old girl and a forty-year-old man. How durable are marriages of different ages? Are the feelings between the spouses sincere? What can lovers regret? What should be feared? What are the likely scenarios for the development of relations? Is a child born in such a marriage doomed? Inquisitive people have accumulated a lot of questions, which means that the moment has come to “get to the bottom” of the truth.

Features of love unions between spouses of different ages

In order not to doubt in vain the professional suitability of a cupid who missed in the process of the next shot, you need to figure out the expediency of such marriages. Initially, it is necessary to consider the union from various angles, making sure that love relationships between spouses with a large age difference:

Psychology.

Many girls from the age of 20 are looking for a potential groom who will become loving father And faithful husband. Among peers, it is difficult to find a guy corresponding to such characteristics, because young men at this age are guided by completely different priorities. In this situation, the gaze of a young woman "falls" on the imposing, accomplished and wise man, on the temples of which the first gray hair has already appeared. Falling in love with a similar type is an expected and explainable phenomenon, which the representatives of the stronger sex know firsthand. Protection and reliability, peace of mind and confidence in tomorrow- the main perspectives that attract the young consciousness of the girl.

Young guys who feel sympathy for older women are guided by other factors. A lady of “Balzac” years becomes for a young man a happy “ticket” to the world of sexual pleasures, where there are no prohibitions. Twenty-year-old girls are just beginning to learn the facets intimate life, therefore they are afraid of innovations, and mature women, satiated with ordinary sex with her husband, dream of the unbridled "agility" of youths.

In a relationship where the man is much older than the girl, there is no aging problem. A young wife satisfies her husband's visual preferences, so he does not go on adventures into the arms of young ladies. The main thing is that the girl is aware of the likelihood of impending old age, during which it will be difficult.

Love unions in which a woman is older than a guy are short-lived. A girl whose husband is much younger visits cosmetologists and even goes under a surgical “knife”, trying to match the image of her husband. However, over time, the lady invariably loses attractiveness, so the man realizes sexual needs in a relationship with his mistress.

intimate relationships.

Inexplicable, but true - peaks sexual activity men and women are at different times. Girls reach their peak at 44–50, and boys at 25–35. Thus, a love union in which a representative of the beautiful half of humanity is 10 years older than her spouse is a successful marriage, where the sexual compatibility of partners is fully consistent with their development and capabilities. In the intimate life of peers, things are much worse, so the result of such marriages is often a divorce.

Women who want to marry well in the 21st century can be classified into a separate category. They are ready to endure the antics of their spouse, forgetting about moral and moral principles. The only goal of the girl is the inheritance, which she is happily waiting for. Men often know about the intentions of the chosen one, but they are satisfied with this state of “things. with them in old age nearby is a sexy and attractive woman.

There are much fewer gigolo guys, but in modern society such suitors also exist. They take advantage of the loneliness and dissatisfaction of women of the “Balzac” age, making ladies fall in love with own image. However, the goal of men is the bank card of the chosen one, and not the personal qualities and life experience that she is ready to share.

In this aspect, the advantages of a marriage of different ages over a union of the same age are obvious. Guys "ripen" for the birth of a child much later than girls, so the young darling and the mature man are responsible and loving parents educating long-awaited baby. If a woman older than husband, then the lack of paternal care is compensated by the experience of the mother. Weddings between peers often happen due to unforeseen pregnancy, so there is no need to talk about the duration of the existence of such a unit of society.

The effect of age difference on love relationships

The reasons for creating such unions directly depend on the age difference between the spouses. If sexologists and psychologists readily explain the range of 1-10 years, guided by their own observations, then the interval of 30-40 years remains a mystery even for professionals. In order not to be unfounded, the features of marriages between partners of different ages:

Age difference up to 5 years.

Such relationships in the camp of psychologists are considered the best option for creating a long-term marriage if the man is 1–5 years older than the girl. A woman seeks on a subconscious level in her spouse the support and support that he is able to provide to her. The guy, in turn, understands that the chosen one is younger than him, which means that he does not lack sexual attraction to his wife. Due to a small age difference, lovers are fond of common interests, so there is no need to talk about the problem of mutual understanding.

The man is 5-10 years older than the woman.

A common situation in which girls become the initiators of the start of a relationship. Support, protection and confidence in the future are factors that arouse in a woman sympathy for the chosen one. Men like such unions no less, because next to them is a young, spectacular and sexy wife.

The girl is 5-10 years older than the guy.

Such relationships begin after "accidental" sex, which both participants are satisfied with. A woman who does not want to play a recessive role in marriage is attracted by the opportunity to control a man. Guy in need maternal love and caress, beckons such a format of the union, where the lady cares and looks after him. However, they are falling apart similar marriages quite often, because over time, the spouse goes "to the left."

The man is older than the woman by 10 years or more.

Such unions are a reason for people to doubt the sincerity of the feelings of the spouses, because the age difference is palpable. Based on statistics, men live less girls. "Onlookers" suggest that the only goal of a woman is an inheritance. The results of the survey show that only 2.5% of such marriages are not concluded by calculation, 97.5% - the desire of the spouse to be included in the list of "chosen" people present in the will.

The girl is older than the guy by 10 years or more.

This format of relations is inherent only in marriages of convenience. Wealthy women consciously marry guys who are 10, 20, 30 years younger than them. Men are guided exclusively financial side a question that allows them not to work and secure their own future. For guys, the visual appearance of the spouse is extremely important, so there is no need to talk about the sincerity of the union. Such a union is doomed to divorce - the only question is the duration of the relationship.

Scenarios of love relationships between spouses of different ages

Having become acquainted with the reasons and peculiarities of thinking of people who enter into a marriage of different ages, it is necessary to consider scenarios for the development of such relationships. The duration of the union directly depends on personal qualities and spouse preferences. Psychologists traditionally consider 5 options for the development of the situation in such unions:

Partners.

Signs: between spouses are established equal rights and responsibilities; men and women have the opportunity to realize own needs; the wife does not strive to keep the house comfortable, and the husband does not care about the prospect of family happiness.

Difficulties: such relationships over time are based solely on a material basis; in partnerships, decisions are made jointly, so quite often disagreements arise between spouses.

Homebodies.

Signs: the union is invariably based on love, sympathy and sexual attraction of spouses to each other; lack of dependence on social benefits; apathy to contacts from outside; the purpose of marriage is to create a cozy "nest" in which both partners will be comfortable.

Difficulties: there is a risk of degradation of love relationships to the household level; lack of regular communication with strangers - main reason divorce in such marriages; the only way to maintain harmony in the family is to engage in a common cause, hobby, business.

Matriarchy.

Signs: a woman is a dominant partner who makes decisions in the family; The girl is determined and increased activity, and the man is passive and restrained; wage wife more than the husband's income.

Difficulties: reproaches and criticism of a woman towards a man about lack of initiative - the reason for the search for a spouse by a mistress who will see him as an accomplished "male"; the result of excessive control of the wife becomes the chosen one.

Patriarchy.

Signs: the purpose of a woman is to monitor the family hearth and raise children; a man is the head of the house, making decisions that are not negotiable.

Difficulties: the spouse treats his wife in a consumer way, does not appreciate domestic work; a high probability of a man having a mistress (exclusively for sexual pleasures).

Idealization.

Signs: the girl inspires her husband to achieve his cherished goals; social success is not interesting for a man; the purpose of the spouse is to satisfy the needs of the chosen one.

Difficulties: a woman who is praised, over time, is capricious and shows true character; if a girl ceases to inspire a man, then he goes in search of a new wife; the girl regularly maintains her appearance in order to eliminate the risk of the guy having a mistress.

Intimate talk with a future spouse is not a way out of the situation. To understand the expediency of an act, you need to honestly answer yourself a number of questions: How strong are the feelings? Are you ready to spend your old age alone? Is an inheritance worth living together with an unloved person?

Marriages between men and women with a noticeable age difference can be happy and unsuccessful - the result reflects the sincerity of the feelings of the spouses. History "knows" cases where girls fell in love with gentlemen who are 40 years older than them. “Branding” such a relationship is an inappropriate decision, because marriage becomes a conscious choice of two adults.

UNEQUAL

UNEQUAL

UNEQUAL, unequal, unequal; unequal, unequal, unequal.

1. Having no equal qualities, equal magnitude with anything else; not corresponding to something else, not identical with something in terms of qualities, conditions. Unequal values. Unequal forces.

2. Occurring, carried out between unequal or unequal, not possessing equality in any respect. Unequal fight. "Who can stand in an unequal dispute?" Pushkin . "This marriage was unequal in every way." Saltykov-Shchedrin .

Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov. D.N. Ushakov. 1935-1940.

Antonyms:

See what "UNEQUAL" is in other dictionaries:

Unequal... Spelling Dictionary

UNEQUAL, inequality, uneven, unequal, etc. Opposite. equal, equality, uniform, etc. Unequal adv. not all the same, not one, not all one, not the same, not the same. And bad and bad is unequal. It's all the same: no, it's not equal, but do it ... Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary

Not the same, different; unequal, unequal. Ant. equal, corresponding Dictionary of Russian synonyms. unequal adj., number of synonyms: 4 unequal (19) ... Synonym dictionary

UNEQUAL, oh, oh; vein, vna. 1. Unequal in size, value, quality. Unequal forces, opportunities. 2. Such, in addition to the strength of the participants, their capabilities, position are unequal. N. marriage. N. fight. | noun inequality, and, wives. Dictionary… … Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

unequal- unequal inappropriate inadequate inappropriate uneven (on protection against errors) - [L.G. Sumenko. English Russian Dictionary of Information Technologies. M .: GP TsNIIS, 2003.] Topics information technology in general Synonyms ... ... Technical Translator's Handbook

App. 1. Not having equal qualities, equal size with anyone or anything else. ott. Not corresponding to something else, not the same with anything in terms of qualities, conditions. 2. What is happening, carried out between unequal or ... ... Modern Dictionary Russian language Efremova

Unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal, unequal,… … Word forms

Same similar equal similar… Antonym Dictionary

unequal- uneven ... Russian spelling dictionary

unequal - … Spelling Dictionary of the Russian Language

Books

• An Unequal Marriage, Anita Berg. `The one who marries for love has beautiful nights and bad days...` The beauty Jane Reed and the young Alistair Redland had to make sure of the correctness of this old saying...

Unequal marriages, in which a man is 10 or more years older than his chosen one, have existed at all times. In the ancient summers in Rus', young girls were happily given away by their parents in marriage to adult wealthy suitors. Thus, they provided a “full” life for their beloved daughter. The question "likes or dislikes" did not matter here. The motivation for such marriages has always been obvious.

The natural reaction of people who witness such unequal marriages is condemnation and indignation. Most often, eyewitnesses suspect mercantile interest bride, this most often justifies her unusual choice.

But suddenly it turns out that the groom has “the wind in his pocket”, is no longer young, has a small regular income, rents an apartment, travels exclusively by train. And then our previous thoughts about commercialism came to a standstill. So, not only this is the reason for unequal marriages, there is something else less obvious, but which is the place to be.

Here are some reasons for unequal marriages:

A girl who grew up without a dad is completely unconsciously looking for care and guardianship from her middle-aged chosen one.

Women's mind. Very often a woman is not interested in her peers due to her development, she simply has nothing to talk about with them, no common interests and hobbies. Therefore, she chooses a man much older than herself.

There are situations when a young girl is uncomfortable for some reason to live with her parents at home. She doesn't care who to marry, as long as she quickly moves to her husband, away from her family. And an adult man, most likely, already has his own "corner" where she can move. In this case, the man acts as a rescue hero.

Stability. Most women dream of starting a family, to be confident in the future. Mature men who have experience in this can offer all this to a woman. In addition, they know how to take good care of them. A chrysanthemum in cellophane is far from everything we dream about, it would not hurt to add gallantry, courtesy, gifts and courtship, which young guys often do not know about.

For men, such marriages allow them to experience a second youth. His eyes sparkle, and butterflies start up in his heart, from a well-groomed uncle, he turns into a blooming gentleman.

His prestige in the eyes of his friends rises, many even envy him.

Well, the last, most incredible, but at the same time wonderful and magical reason is love. Few people believe in it, but it cannot be ruled out. Two people are kindred souls at first sight, with the same thoughts, interests and goals, in this case the age limits are erased and the age difference is noticeable only externally.

Positive aspects (pros) unequal marriage:

1) One of the advantages is that sexual relations With an experienced man like girls more than with less experienced peers.

2) An adult man is less hot and more reasonable, this marriage will be able to avoid many mistakes of young couples.

3) If the reason for the marriage was financial
interest, then a girl can live for her own pleasure, engage in education, children or any hobby, without thinking about material problems at all.

4) In such a marriage, everyone gets exactly what they wanted and what they aspired to. Even without love, such marriages are quite durable.

Richard Hils is an American psychologist who studied the problem of unequal marriages in which the man is 10 or more years older than the woman. As it turned out, unequal marriages are most often happy and durable. In this case, two obligatory conditions must take place: love (great and bright) and the coincidence of psychotypes. He says that mature men value the hearth more and try to protect their family from the troubles and petty quarrels that very often occur in young families.

Negative sides (cons) of unequal marriage:

1) Firstly, for whom it is important, you cannot "live together happily ever after and die on the same day." Indeed, according to statistics, men already live 7 years less than women.

2) Mature man it is no longer possible to remake or adjust "for yourself." All his habits will have to come to terms.

3) Leisure and free time. If you do not have common interests and activities, then this can cause quarrels.

4) Your friends. For the husband's friends, the young wife will always be a stupid girl, and for the wife's girlfriends, her chosen one will be a hopeless old man. It is unlikely that they will be able to take part in parties together that are arranged by young friends of the wife.

5) Another minus may not “emerge immediately” - this is the betrayal of his wife. A man usually has a decline in sexual activity, while a woman is still young and needs a more intense relationship. All this will inevitably lead to jealousy, since Old man can no longer compete with young rivals.

In Rostock (Germany), scientists from the Institute for Demographic Research found that in a marriage where a man is much older than his wife, a woman ages much faster and her life expectancy is shorter. Scientists explain this interesting phenomenon by the fact that in emotionally a young wife tries to “reach out” for a more experienced, mature husband, and therefore her withering occurs much faster than usual. After studying about 2 million unequal marriages, scientists came to the conclusion that it is best for a woman to marry a peer. Scientists from many countries have become interested in this phenomenon, and new, more in-depth experiments will be carried out in the near future.

Obviously, people initially see in unequal marriages only meanness and calculation. Why do they see this world in such a color? Maybe they just don't know how to love?

He continues to raise the most relevant and bold topics. Misalliances are on the agenda today. Do unequal marriages have a chance of being happy, or is the very concept of misalliance a relic of the past? And where is the line that separates them from "normal" unions?

The story of Cinderella has been known to world culture for several millennia. The first version of this tale was found written down on ancient Egyptian papyri! Since then, the plot about the transformation of non-blue-blooded heroes into real princesses and princes has been played out millions of times, has undergone thousands of interpretations in different genres, and today it has become interesting for us in the context of the issue of unequal marriages - misalliances.

Love, as you know, all ages are submissive. Therefore, we will leave aside "different-age" marriages. Their reasons are purely psychological and obvious: a young girl once lacked paternal attention, and she chooses an older partner; an older woman feels more attractive next to a younger man. Everything is simple here. We'll talk about marriages in which partners of different social status. Is such a marriage doomed to fail or has a chance for happiness? I'm interested too.

Fragment of the painting by Russian artist Vasily Pukirev "Unequal Marriage"

Misalliances in history

I like to turn to history, in it you can find answers to any questions. Although over the past hundred years many phenomena have appeared that were not thought of before, but as far as human relations are concerned, our ancestors have long gone through everything.

Misalliances - marriages entered into by people of different social status - met in different times and everywhere. The attitude towards such unions in class societies was negative, and in ancient india For example, unequal marriages were punishable by death. A variety of misalliances were considered morganatic marriages- when a partner of a lower social status, even as a result of marriage, was not considered equal to his husband or wife in terms of social status. in Europe and Russian Empire V XVIII-XIX centuries such marriages were regulated by special legislation that did not allow the transfer of the throne bypassing the legitimate heirs. Prince Charles and Princess Diana

Today, these laws have been universally repealed as a relic of the past. Perhaps the most striking example of the irrelevance of such phenomena was once demonstrated by Princess Diana, who was an aristocrat of insufficiently high birth to marry Prince Charles. Although the whole of Great Britain doted on the princess, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles's mother, never concealed her disapproval of this union. Even the tragic death of Lady Dee in a car accident, the queen chose to ignore. But she managed to remain silent only for four days. The public and the press were so outraged by the coldness of the queen that they wondered if the country needed such a heartless The Royal Family? Lady Di proved by her own example that people who are not the successors of aristocrats can be more worthy than the most respected monarchs. And the class priorities of the royal court are outdated prejudices.

For our own harmony, we need duals

I am not a supporter of prejudice in principle, and even more so in love. I like the augmentation theory. No matter how much you want your partner to be attentive, honest, reliable, generous, one person cannot combine all the best in himself. It still remains a mystery how people find each other, but it is obvious that those who stay close complement each other, draw from another person what they themselves lack.

This complement theory has scientific rationale, in socionics there are even terms "psychic addition", "dualization". They are based on the fact that a person cannot be both an introvert and an extrovert, a logician and an ethicist, and so on. The potential of each of these phenomena is present in our psyche, and yet we are asymmetrical. The second person balances us. Another.

There are no separate completely harmonious personalities, for perfect well-being we need duals - partners who mentally complement us. Only your dual can be perceived as the most attentive, most sympathetic, most understanding person - for you he is just that, with him you always feel stronger. And building a marriage with this characteristic in mind is an amazing art!

But few of those entering into marriage have ever thought about it at all. But if you take this theory into account, it turns out that misalliance marriages have every chance of being many times happier than equal unions!

It is the deepest delusion to think that ideal partner is the same as you, man. The legendary Alec Baldwin at one time was lucky enough to be the husband of Kim Basinger herself. However, tired of the endless scandals with the star, he married a simple yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas, who in turn addicted him to proper nutrition and sports. And how many wonderful qualities Reese Witherspoon saw in the usual acting agent Jim Toth, who, like a real knight, saved her from the harassment of tipsy guests at one of the social events. Julia Roberts, the all-time beauty of all time, is raising three children in happy marriage with camera assistant Danny Moder. And among Hollywood machos, a whole trend of creating alliances with waitresses has formed: Matt Damon married bartender Luciana Barroso, in 12 years of marriage they managed to give birth to four daughters. And Nicolas Cage famously met his wife while ordering sushi. Star Lover's Dinner Japanese cuisine spilled at 8 years old happy life with the patient and obedient Alice Kim. Matt Damon with wife Luciana, who used to be a bartender

There are many such examples in our country. Keeping respect for my fellow artists of the national stage, I would not like to cite them as an example, although such love stories have unfolded before my eyes more than once. Famous pop heroes, both female and male, happily met with concert directors, fitness instructors, dancers of their own ballet, make-up artists, hairdressers.

As a person who is directly related to show business, I can admit that artists are rarely drawn to "their own kind." People who are accustomed to fame, attention, popularity, bright and charismatic, demanding and even capricious, often seek rest in simple family circle Near the right person which is often irrelevant to what we do every day.

Equal relations in an unequal marriage - this is the formula for happiness

In 1963, couples who married where the woman is much older than the man were only 15% of all. This number has now increased. Now every sixth couple consists of a woman aged and young guy. Unequal marriages, she is older - why are such marriages concluded, how long do they last and what awaits the family?

How long will an unequal marriage last, and what are the reasons for its breakup?

Unequal marriage by age may well be durable and stable. That's what psychologists say.

To live long and happy life together, spouses just need to stop paying attention to public opinion, which in most cases leads to the disintegration of an unequal marriage.

In addition, relatives can become the reason for the collapse of such an alliance. With a wife, they can scare her with horror stories about her husband-alphonse, and with a husband, they can complain about the “old woman” that she was able to bewitch the “poor boy” and powdered his brains. To save yourself from this problem, do not allow someone to stick their nose into your relationship. This is your (and only yours!) business.

But do not forget that secondary persons are not always the cause of divorce.

It could be you yourself. When entering into such marriages, leave everything unfounded fears, stupid complexes and inappropriate jealousy. A wife must be wise and self-confident, she must love her chosen one. And only then the marriage will be preserved and will be long and happy.

What will give a woman an unequal marriage?

• Her self-esteem will increase (a woman may not recognize this fact, but it is).
• She will take better care of her appearance.
• She will have diverse interests and increased love of life.
• She expects a much more diverse and rich sex life than her friends who married older men.

But the advice of psychologists is this: do not relax and only intensify work on your body over the years. Otherwise, the man will cool off, and the marriage will crack.

What problems can expect a family?

It is possible that the couple will face the so-called substitution of relations. This means that the direction in the husband-wife relationship will change to mother and son. In this case, it will become unclear who is in charge in the family.

Difficulties in an unequal marriage, where a man is younger, may arise from him. Apart from the same problems that arise in their family as in ordinary unions, a man may encounter difficulties outside of marriage. The people around him will start to discuss and mock him. He will become the object of provocation from friends, acquaintances and even relatives. This can manifest itself in stinging statements and receiving from them unpleasant gifts and bad surprises.

The wife, therefore, should try to look as young as possible, remaining attractive and appropriate for his age at least appearance. She expects frequent visits to a beautician, the use of anti-aging products, fitness classes, etc.

Also, the wife will be very worried about her age. Moreover, when her husband is younger than her, such a problem can worsen if a man constantly reminds her of this. Even without noticing it, he can hint to her that she has recovered or that she has new wrinkles. The woman will not like it very much.

Advantages of an unequal marriage

• It also happens that a woman at 45 looks much more attractive and sexier than a 25-year-old.
• Such marriages are highly sexual compatibility, since the peak of sexual activity in a woman occurs at 35-40 years old, and in a man - at 18-25 years old. This means that they will not have problems in bed.
• For ladies of the age, a sexual life with a beloved young man will only benefit. She will stay healthy and beautiful longer.
• Unlike an old man, a young man will not worry about an erection and about the heart (how it will withstand these passions).
• At young husband, the wife will be able to feel young again.

Minuses

• A wife may not want children at that age.
• A wife can quickly get bored with a man.
• A young guy can change.
• Different interests.

Star unequal marriages

There are also unequal marriages among Russian stars.

Most good example will be the family of Alla Pugacheva and Maxim Galkin. Between them, the difference is 27 years, and they, nevertheless, live happily and amicably as one family. Here they are joint photos from wedding:

Celebrities like Lera Kudryavtseva and Igor Makarov are tied up marriage bonds with a difference of 16 years. Lera claims to have found her true love only after marrying him, although she already had two marriages.