Longevity baby. What problems can arise in later children? Pros and cons of late babies - everyone has their own opinion

who are late kids? for example me. my mother gave birth to me at 38, with terrible pressure, cesarean, but she gave birth "for herself."

I have always understood women who did not manage to give birth before 35, it just so happened and no matter for what reasons, they give birth now, when they are about 35, or a little more, or much more, it doesn’t matter ... this is her first and long-awaited child whom she will love, care for and do everything to make his life easier and easier. such children are born because "they want THIS child."

but I never understood women who give birth late. I don’t want to offend anyone now, no, this is just my experience, I’m a late child, I just want to tell you, suddenly it will come in handy for someone. as my husband’s aunt said, women who give birth late do not give birth because they want a CHILD, but because they want to HAVE A CHILD, this is a whim, menopause is coming, but you want to look young, you want to be pregnant, to be taken care of, cherished, worried. it is by birth that all this is achieved. especially those who already have older children.

there are 4 of us in the family, I am the youngest, my older sister was 17 when I was born. absolutely everyone at home did not understand why mom wanted another one. even dad didn’t understand this… well, my sister was 17 years old… right now she’s 42 and I’m 25, and she can tell me everything to my face. then, at 17, she hated me, because she ceased to be the youngest, most beloved, she was put to sit with me instead of going on a date or to the movies with her girlfriends. “no, of course I loved you,” she says, but I interfered with her, she cried at my bed when she couldn’t calm her down ... a lot more ... all because the family is big, my mother went to work early, except there was no one to sit with me. only recently my sister confessed to me that the first races married not by Great love, and in order to escape at least somewhere from my mother and from me, so that they would stop hanging all possible cases on her ... after our conversation with her, I felt guilty for a long time.

school… all the time while I was studying my mother was always called my grandmother. there is probably a problem in my mother, when I was born, she finally put it on her appearance, on what she wears and how she looks, stopped wearing makeup and combing her hair normally, stopped buying new things ... everyone called her my grandmother. The situation worsened especially in the senior classes, when all the parents came to the meetings and I understood that from the outside she really looks like my grandmother. and I was also very jealous of other girls, my classmates, because their mothers helped them comb their hair, helped them dress better, told them how to make up beautifully, taught them to walk in heels, they could come to their mothers for advice, tell them about the boy they liked ... We had taboos at home. the most best hairstyle- a ponytail or a braid, I only started to paint in college, because it's not decent, to paint nails in general, all this fucking! heel?! what a heel!!! Only prostitutes wear heels! I bought the first shoes with a heel higher than 3 cm for myself at the age of 18 when I gave up cursive) I still wear them sucks))

I don’t know what happened to my mother, sometimes I look at her photos, black and white, she’s beautiful there, in short skirt and in heels, with Angela Davis on her head. and she's 17 years old. I look and I don’t understand why she didn’t allow me to do so.

as she told me, she gave birth to me for herself, because she understood that she would become an old and useless grandmother, that’s what I’ll come in handy for, she told me this to my face, said that she never had plans that I I will get married, that she never had any plans that I would want children, that I would even want to leave her. she did not allow me to paint because she was afraid that someone would like me and leave her.

cons - by adulthood, I became a tough, well-knowing lie girl, stepping on a pile of rakes for 150 million races because there was no one to turn to for advice. I don't love my mom, I just feel sorry for her.

And now her health is very bad, diabetes. many will probably say that diabetes is not a problem, you can live with it, and I agree, of course you can, you just need to take care of yourself and not give up. only now she has already put it. now she’s whining and every day at dinner she says that “everything hurts ... there’s no strength as it hurts ... I’d rather die ... and you don’t need me ... it will only become easier for you to die ...” girls and this is EVERY DAY for 7 years ... and the most It's disgusting that I start to agree with her, it will become easier for me. so that my husband and I don’t go for a walk, for example, she can act out a heart attack, or the fact that she is suffocating, or that her eyesight has fallen and there is only snow and circles in front of her eyes ... a one-man theater. and in the last race, she said to my husband, “do you hope that I will let you go? no, you will live with me until I die, endure Lyosha ”… EVERY DAY ..............

another horror from childhood, even two, after which I stopped going to her for advice.

when I started having fever, I was 12, I came to her all scared, and instead of telling me how great it is, like all normal mothers, that now I'm an adult, that there's nothing to worry about, instead of helping me pick up panties and comfortable pads, she said that I would suffer like this for up to 40 years, every month, that it hurts and is disgusting, be patient, and instead of panties with a comfortable thin pad, she handed me her old Soviet rubber underpants !!! I think that those women who are about 65 right now understand perfectly what I'm talking about ... she gave me this crap, ran to the pharmacy and bought me a pack of bella, the longest and thickest, without wings! it was a nightmare!!! all night in these rubber shorts!!! I did not sleep. in the morning I went to my sister to go to the vykhino, and here they finally showed me which panties are more comfortable, which pads are better ....))

After that, I stopped going to her for help.

dear mothers, who are about 35 right now, read this, the most important thing is not to be selfish, give birth to children for their own sake and not because you wanted to in your old age, love them, do not think about yourself, do not forget that it is important for a child how he looks Mom, do not be capricious, most importantly do not score on your health, if something hurts, get treated, because by putting on your health you will not let your child live the same life as his peers. the main thing is your health. and your hobby is very important, so as not to bother your late children with your old age, whining and insanity, find a job for yourself)

I hope that I didn’t offend anyone, I just told, shared, I hope many will at least take something out of it.

Everyone remembers the expression that children are the flowers of life. According to him, babies born late to parents can be called winter flowers. It is always a miracle, a storm of emotions and a sea of joy. Responsible role of parents and non-standard childhood.

Late parents are usually called at the age of 35-40 bodies. AND There are many positives in this:

Professionally realized parents will devote more time to the child, in most cases, material stability will help show him more joys and miracles, give good upbringing and education;

Become a mom late age is to get a chance to realize yourself in the role of a mother with the best side, since the woman will be more psychologically prepared for this new role of hers, the role of a loving mother, than she could be with early motherhood;

A woman can always count on psychological support more mature man-father;

Until the birth of a late child, parents begin to understand each other more and more. The years spent together will allow the baby to grow in a world of mutual understanding, love and patience. In families with early marriage, where psychological incompatibility can be revealed after the birth of a child, children often become the subject of irritation, creatures on which all the dissatisfaction of parents with each other is dumped;

The “midlife crisis” will be practically unknown to late parents, since they simply will not notice it in children's troubles;

Such parents already have something to pass on to their offspring, and this is the experience of a long life, and not just school years;

Usually when children are born in early age, their growing up and leaving in independent life accompanied with age crisis parents. In the situation of the late child, this event is postponed, which in itself mitigates the consequences;

Parents whose late child is not the first, thereby creating an excellent environment for the upbringing and growing up of a child - there is already a wealth of experience and various age category immediate environment, brothers and sisters.

But, as with any barrel of honey, there are some negative sides, identified by psychologists. But, remarkably, these aspects are more suitable for families where the late child in the family is the first, and less suitable in large families, in which everything manifests itself not so sharply.

Late parents often have only one baby. If there are more late children, then, as a rule, the age difference between them is small, which is not very good for physiological state moms, and for dads it will be hard mentally;

Complications during pregnancy can "go sideways" not only to the health of the mother, but also in raising the baby - parents can take care of him too much and take care of him;

Parents of a late child are more prone to self-criticism, which can lead to insecurity in parenting. But good, psychologically mature fathers will help mothers cope with this;

Very late parents may find it difficult to play outdoor games with their children, and the child may be inactive. Or the children themselves may be drawn to younger playmates, which may offend mom and dad in some way;

recession sexual life parents can also negatively affect the child, as parents may unconsciously relieve stress on him;

Particularly late parents may also make excessive demands on their children, as there may be an unsettling feeling of limited life;

Probably the most unpleasant thing about late parenthood is the opinion of other people. You need to be prepared that many will call such parents grandparents. It will be necessary to learn not to pay attention to this, to restrain emotions and not to allow complexes to arise in the baby regarding mom and dad.

Constant self-development should be a constant companion of late moms and dads in order to own child didn't think you were too old.

But all these negative sides it is quite possible to survive and even destroy if you behave correctly and, in general, foresee all this in advance.

Psychology of late children

The main component of the psychology of late children is the age at which mom and dad gave birth to them. The situation may be different - either the child will be the only one, or the youngest, or one of the later ones. If children have a difference of six years, then the psyche of each child will be formed independently, like the psyche of the only child in the family.

Positive features of late babies

Late kids are much better at adapting to people than others. different ages- adults do not seem to them "too old" in comparison with themselves;

Since late children are given much more time, they can develop in all directions, and the favorable environment created by the parents will contribute to this;

It is noteworthy that many more child prodigies are born to adult mothers who are in their thirties;

Even if there are several children in the family, this will not interfere with the proper development of the child, because the parents have rich experience in raising, and many negative points simply will not come up;

If late parents are quite developed in terms of creativity, then there is a possibility of “remembering” these abilities by the sex cells, which will allow the child to transfer all the inclinations of the parents, which, if desired, can be developed;

Late children become independent very early, which helps them in the future, due to the strong guardianship of their parents. True, this can interfere in childhood, since it will be just childish protests and, often, disobedience;

If there are several children in the family, then older children can partially replace or supplement the parents of the youngest, which is not bad at all from all sides.

What is negative

A child may begin to feel fear very early. This is the fear of the early departure of parents, often dictated by knowledge of age, gleaned from life or inspired by the fears of the parents themselves;

Rarely, but there are cases when, as a late child, parents tried to save the marriage, and this, of course, cannot but affect the upbringing and situation in the family;

Not always a big difference aged between older siblings renders positive influence, after all, trust between children may simply not happen;

Often, parents have excessive requirements for a late, and especially an only child, and this can negatively affect nervous system child;

Late children are more prone to manic-depressive syndrome (by 11%), more often they are born with Down syndrome, autism and other bad diagnoses (this is especially true for fathers aged 45-55);

In cases where fathers are over 45, late children may sometimes not be able to adapt socially;

Often, children feel the psychological weakness of their parents in front of them, and take advantage of this. And parents, unstable to the tears and whims of the baby, give in, thereby rendering the child a disservice;

If the child is the only one, and both parents do not have the experience of upbringing, then it can take place exclusively “according to books”, which is not a good method;

And vice versa, experienced parents they can put too much pressure on the child with their authority, and this will deprive him of the right to his own opinion;

It should be remembered that the long-awaited only child often becomes selfish and capricious, does not regard the parents who serve him in anything and uses this manner in future life;

Late children can be very sensitive to negative attitude people to his parents;

As for the environment, for children from late families, it is, most often, also “adult” - the baby may simply not perceive peers.

But all these negative nuances may also not carry any meaning if you know about them in advance, and exclude them from the future life with the baby.

After all, a late child is an even greater miracle bestowed on you by fate! So use this chance to educate good man. Good luck!

It would seem, live and rejoice. late baby almost always welcome. All conditions are created for him, the best is given to him. Mom no longer wants to run away from the baby to the theater or to her girlfriend in the evening, she bathes in motherhood. Even the pronoun “I” disappears from her lexicon, being replaced by the pronoun “we”: “We are already holding our heads well ... we are tormented by gaziki in the evenings ... we have to get vaccinated tomorrow ...”
However, child psychiatrists are highly critical. “Late children are a risk group,” says Professor Kozlovskaya. “They are very vulnerable both physically and mentally, and especially psychosocially. late pregnancy often proceeds severely, with fetal hypoxia, with entanglement of the umbilical cord.
A woman usually cannot give birth on her own, she is given a caesarean section. And if she still gives birth on her own, these are difficult births. All this, of course, affects the health of babies. Late children are more prone to all sorts of disorders: endocrine, allergic, psychosomatic. In the first year of life, they are almost completely painful.
Your grandmother is here!
I hated kindergarten,” recalls nineteen-year-old Nina. “But not because I had to sleep there during the day or because I was offended there. No, I had more fun in the garden with the children than at home. But every evening I longingly waited for the guys to cry: “Nina, your grandmother came for you!” I did not dare to tell them that this is not a grandmother, but a mother.
I was afraid of ridicule, and every time it was a serious injury for me ... "

But it's still half the trouble. After all, you never know what injections of self-esteem children have to endure! Some are traumatized by their fullness, others by the need to wear glasses with sealed glass to correct strabismus, still others by clumsiness, and fourth by poor school performance. All of us have faced ridicule and fear in childhood.

Here, something else is more dangerous: the fact that the “late” mother is not only physically, but also psychologically closer not to her mother, but to her grandmother.

Youth is characterized by recklessness. When I remember how my husband and I traveled along the Caucasian serpentine in forty-degree heat, and on back seat passenger car sleeping, having drunk, our two-year-old son, it becomes creepy for me. But we, overwhelmed by the excitement of youth, seemed invulnerable to ourselves.

A few years later, having become a little wiser and settled down, I already treated my little daughter in a completely different way, much more carefully. And having given birth to a third child at the age of thirty-four, in general, up to two years, I tried to transport him as little as possible even around Moscow, because I was afraid of infections and noticed that the baby was nervous about the noise of traffic, the abundance of new faces ...

With a late child, it is very difficult to avoid the so-called overprotection. Especially if he is the only one who has suffered through suffering, and even does not have enviable health. And overprotection breeds infantilism and children's fears. As a result, the already unstable psyche of the child is shaken even more. The world seems to him aggressive, full of dangers.
Such an attitude prevents children from communicating normally, and serves as a breeding ground for the development of neuroses. In adolescence, when pride and the desire to assert oneself come to the fore, this often turns into a desperate rebellion. “As if he broke loose from the chain, did not want to listen to anything, went into all serious trouble” - these are the typical complaints of confused parents who do not understand what happened to their recently so dependent child.

Where can I find a playmate?
Young parents still have a lot of children in themselves. On the one hand, this is a minus, since adults sometimes stand on the same level as a child. dad playing with son Board games as with an adult partner and does not want to give in to anything, the mother is seriously offended by her daughter as a girlfriend. But on the other hand, it is usually easier for them to play with a child, and to run, and jump, and fight. They have not yet forgotten themselves in childhood, and they don’t stab in the side, their heart doesn’t grab.

Late children also find themselves in a disadvantageous position here. They often have no one to play with, no one to mess around with.

Most of them are “non-Sadovsky” for health reasons, and the children of their parents’ friends are much older and are not suitable for friends. It is easier for a mother to read a book to a child than to roll cars on the floor for hours. She is more willing (and this is quite understandable!) to teach him English words than climb under the table, depicting a hare hiding in a mink from a fox.

Therefore, in the upbringing of late children, the tilt in the intellectual direction is so noticeable. Most often they grow up early, are judicious beyond their years. But they combine intellectual maturity with social immaturity. And “underplaying” in childhood is fraught with an unexpected outburst of infantilism and an unsatisfied thirst for play at an age when, in fact, it’s time to start living not for fun, but in earnest.

From anxiety to irritability

At the age of five or six, almost all children begin to think about death. But parents are usually not very worried, because they are still young, full of vitality.

For older children, this is more difficult. They are already prone to anxious expectations, but there are very real grounds for anxiety. Deprived of the society of peers, having no brothers and sisters (and often grandparents!) The child feels lonely. He has no other rear, except for his parents, and the fear of losing them is very strong.

The anxiety of late children is also increased by the anxiety of their parents. Having received a long-awaited child in his declining years, they, of course, are very worried about his life and health. And children, like antennas, pick up the mood of adults, and their own fears are magnified many times when disturbing waves come from their parents.

Anxiety, uncertainty, fear give rise to irritability. A person is worried, cannot cope with himself, and splashes out his irritation on those whom he is not afraid of - usually on those closest to him. "Late" mothers feel insecure in the pedagogical field. On the one hand, they do not have parental experience, and on the other hand, self-criticism is already very developed. They want to give their child everything to the maximum, they experience their pedagogical mistakes much more acutely than young parents, more often suffer from a sense of their own inadequacy.

Striving for perfection, they often make high demands on the child, compare it with other children. They often lack patience - everything seems that they will not be in time, there is little time left, the years are passing, they must have time to invest as much as possible in the child.

And late children, as already mentioned, are nervous, they often have attention deficit disorder, fatigue, excitability, disinhibition. with them and professional teacher does not always cope, not like an inexperienced mother.

Then the mother buys a mountain of psychological and pedagogical literature, begins to follow the advice of specialists. But the advice in different books is different, some clear line cannot be followed, and therefore the result is zero. The mother is even more nervous, begins to break down.
And who is always there? Who is the closest and most defenseless? Of course, baby. The circle closes. The dearest and most beloved, the one for whom she is ready to sacrifice everything in the world, is under attack. And figuratively, and sometimes in the literal sense of the word.

Everything mentioned above mainly applies to only children. In families with many children, where, of course, a late child can also be born, the situation is fundamentally different. Childbirth, as a rule, proceeds normally, without injuries and complications. Mom has the richest parenting experience, grown up older children become reliable assistants and nannies of the baby.

Late children are drawn to their elders and acquire social and everyday skills much faster than others, like fish in water feel in different ages. children's team. This greatly facilitates their life, including school, because a significant part of the problems school maladaptation generated by the psychological difficulties of the child.

Late children in large families do not suffer from loneliness. A large family clan, older brothers and sisters are a reliable rear for them. Yes, and parents are calmer when they understand that in case something happens about them little son or the daughter has someone to take care of.

All this creates much more favorable conditions for the mental and intellectual development child. Maybe that's why there are not so many first-born among great people? So, the great Russian scientist Dmitry Mendeleev was the fourteenth child in the family. The German composer Ludwig van Beethoven is the seventh.

Spanish classic Cervantes - fourth, Chekhov - third. Prince Daniil of Moscow, to whom Moscow owes its rise, is named in the annals as the fourth of the sons (hence, there were also daughters in the family). An outstanding woman of the Catherine era, Princess Dashkova was born fourth. By the way, our current President Vladimir Putin is a late child. And not a firstborn either.

What do we tell our children and what do we really communicate?
The last time I spend great attention what I say to my daughter. It is also striking that she hears from others. And after sitting for a couple of hours in the locker room of the kindergarten and listening to the communication between teachers and children, I realized that this was a severe test for my nerves. And the reason is not that educators say something terrible.

The reason is that they do not think about what they are really telling children, what subtext their words contain. To be fair, I would like to say that kindergarten people say the same things that they heard in childhood, what their mothers told them, what today's mothers say to their babies ... In general, the most typical and common phrases. And what is behind them?

. "Carefully!" - the lagging mother shouts after the running toddler. "The world around you is full of danger!" the child hears. And everything would be fine, but only if you live, fearing everything around, then life turns into survival.

. "Why are you squealing so loudly? Do you want my ears to hurt??? - the statement of the teacher in kindergarten. Its meaning boils down to the following: "Do not show your joy, it makes me feel bad."

. "Calm down! Do not Cry!" We comfort our children. And by this we let them know that their offense, sadness or pain must be carefully hidden from others, driving all their sorrows into the farthest corners of the soul.

. "Do not Cry! You're stopping me from reading a book!" - said the teacher of my daughter, suffering from the fact that her mother leaves her alone and goes to the store. And thus she made her understand that the adult aunt has nothing to do with either herself or her experiences. Much more important in this moment there was a book.

. "Don't run so fast! Don't climb so high! Do not shout so loud!" - We are hurting our children. And along with these words, the thought enters their consciousness: “Do not live 100%, restrain yourself and do not take risks.”

. “Don’t whine and don’t ask! All the same, I won’t give (I won’t buy). And the child gets used to the fact that in this life it is useless to ask and want something. As a result, an adult does not know what he wants and what he strives for.

A friend of mine told me that in their company, all newcomers are offered to write 100 of their desires (tangible, intangible - it doesn’t matter). This is done to motivate the staff (a person knows what he wants and how he can achieve this with the help of his work). I really liked the idea, I also decided to fix my desires on paper (it seemed to me that I wanted so many things ...).
The first five “dreams” went well, then worse. As a result, I "scraped" about 20 wishes. And when I thought about why I need all this and whether I need it at all, it turned out that one or two desires are really important for me.

When, in response to another request from my daughter, half-jokingly, half-seriously, I asked her: “Do you need anything else?” Immediately I heard: “It is necessary! I also want this flower. I also want to stick a leaf in a pipe. I also want candy. I also want to swing on the swing ... " little man he wants everything, and this is one of his fundamental differences from an adult.

. "How much can you dig? Let me zip up your jacket myself.” And then we cut the child’s wings, because the subtext of this phrase is: “Anyway, you won’t succeed, it’s better that I do it instead of you right away.” Will the child continue to want to learn how to fasten buttons (lace up shoelaces, brush teeth, etc.)?

Great. It turned out that we were all talking wrong. How, then, to communicate with a child, if not a phrase - then terrible consequences? On the one hand, everything is simple. On the other hand, everything is difficult. The simplicity is this: you just have to watch what you say.

The difficulty is that tracking is akin to learning foreign language: to tell the child what you REALLY want to convey to him, you need to

1. Recognize what kind of message we have ready to break from the tongue;

2. Translate it into what we really want and feel;
3. Say it in a new way.

For example, a baby climbs high on wall bars. The first thing I want to say:

"Carefully! Don't climb so high!"

But in fact, we do not want to say this at all (see above). In fact, we are just scared for our little one. Therefore, in such situations, I began to say this: “You climb up so well, but I’m scared to look at you from below. Can I stand next to you?"

As a rule, the daughter happily agrees to my presence and further clarifies: “Aren't you scared? And so? At the same time, she feels terribly brave.

Option with crying (or with joy). In general, in all situations where feelings are present, the first step should be to acknowledge those feelings. After all, everyone has the right to be angry, happy or hurt. And every person enjoys this right.

So instead of saying: “Why are you crying? What's the matter?" it’s better to say: “I see you are very upset. Would you like to tell me the reason?"

Or if the baby is squealing with joy and you have a headache, you can say, “It's great that you're having so much fun! But you know, I don't feel very well. Maybe you will rejoice in another room or here, but quieter? Continuation

Firstborn after 40

"Oops! It seems to me already 50, and I forgot to have a baby!” - sometimes women who found the whole meaning of their lives in their careers discover very late that without a child they lack something. Very late - not too late. Because even for 50-year-olds and older, modern medicine gives good chances of getting pregnant and giving birth.

Does it make sense to have a first child after 40? In fact, you can also become a grandmother. Indeed, in order to raise a son or daughter, you still have at least twenty years, and then ... Many people live up to 80 and 90 years, and children at a late age literally “rejuvenate” their parents.

Senior to replace

It seems to be not old yet, a little more than forty or fifty. But all the children have already grown up and “flew away” from the nest, in which it became so empty. Or raised two daughters, but you want a son. I think you can understand those mothers who give birth to small ones, despite the presence of several older children.

For some women, motherhood is like a drug, in their own words. Here, for example, the English pensioner Karen Johnston (Karen Johnston), gave birth to the 9th and 10th child at 54 against the advice of doctors.

Problems

The first problem that a woman who wants to have a child at such a mature age may face is conception. Individual fertility (ability to bear children) is different for everyone and depends on heredity. After 30 years, it begins to decline and gradual changes occur in the body:

the number of ovulations decreases - more and more menstrual cycles passes without the formation of an egg;
diseases such as endometriosis (disease of the uterine mucosa), fibroids, obstruction of the fallopian tubes develop;
chronic diseases of other organs, not directly related to the genital area, also affect the reproductive function.

According to statistics, if a woman under 30 has a chance of getting pregnant within one monthly cycle is 20%, then in a woman over 40 - only 5%. Among those who go to clinics for IVF with a diagnosis of “primary infertility”, there are a lot of those who are over 30 and even over 40.

From the point of view of official medicine, pregnancy after 30-35 is traditionally associated with an increased risk for both the mother and the child:

The likelihood of genetic abnormalities in a newborn increases - including Down syndrome. Studies have shown that 40-year-olds have a nine times higher risk than 30-year-olds. Moreover, every year the risk increases: between 35 and 38 years, twice, between 38 and 48 years, ten times.
- in women aged 30-39 years, the risk of miscarriage is 17%, and in 40-44 it increases to 33%.
Deterioration of the uterus - in women over 35 years old, it can also lead to some complications. Due to the aging of the walls of the uterus, there are problems with bearing.
Diabetes mellitus - women over 40 years of age are 3 times more likely to develop gestational diabetes.
Aggravation chronic diseases caused by an increased load on the body of a pregnant woman.
Problems with the placenta: chronic placental insufficiency, presentation, premature detachment placenta.

Application artificial methods such as IVF may further increase the risk of Down syndrome. This is due to the fact that the quality of the resulting eggs is lower, and genetic abnormalities are more often observed in them.

Solutions

What to do if age is already running out, but it is not possible to get pregnant? modern medicine offers some options:

IVF - unfortunately, many couples have to resort to it after 40-50 years. However, this expensive procedure, and it does not in the least eliminate all of the listed risks of pregnancy, as well as the possibility of having a disabled child, or Down syndrome. Cm.
Surrogate motherhood is a way out if health fails completely, and there is no possibility to bear a child. Available only to very rich mothers, and may well end up with the fact that surrogate mother will take the child for himself, since according to the laws of many developed countries, who gave birth is the mother. Choose the same surrogate mother from India, Pakistan or Latin America not everyone wants.
- a real way out for those who are not yet 60, but have health and money problems. After 60, most countries will not allow you to adopt a child. For example, 62-year-old Krasimira Dimitrova (Krasimira Dimitrova) from Bulgaria, the guardianship authorities refused to adopt a child, calling her "too old." After that, she “spit” and ... she herself gave birth to two twin girls!

Be that as it may, but to give birth healthy child after 40, after 50 and even 60 in our time is quite real.

Late fatherhood is in vogue. Popular rumor ascribes exceptional talent to such children. So is it good or bad - old dad?

WORD TO GENETICS

A person's talent does not depend on the age of his father, says the head. Department of Medical Genetics, Russian State medical university doctor of medical sciences professor Vladimir SITNIKOV.

All the calculations that lovers did to delve into the genealogies of great people, with scientific point vision is not built correctly. Researchers took biographies famous people, looked at the age of the parents at the time the genius was born, and often received data that the father had already reached advanced years by this time. But when modern scientists took a sample of ordinary men and looked at what their later children turned out to be, they did not find a relationship between the age of the father and the abilities of his child.

Still, there are benefits to being a late father.

What's good about us?

Usually a talented person mature age is already exercising all his abilities. And if his intellectual and creative flowering is imprinted in the germ cells, this mutation can make a late child smarter and more energetic than his older siblings. But for this, the father must be an extraordinary person, and such mutations occur very rarely.

In the germ cells of a mature man, changes can occur that sharpen the work of any one part of the child's brain. The child will have, for example, phenomenal mathematical ability or a very good memory.

A study by the German geneticist Vogel found that outstanding men are more likely to marry outstanding women. And vice versa: in 96% of cases, the wives of men who have low level intelligence, also turn out to be by no means intellectuals. Even a smart young man, having married early, often makes mistakes in his life partner; clever man, remarried or late married, is more likely to choose a worthy half. A the intelligence of the mother is very important for the future development of the child- not only because clever woman will be more concerned with children, but also for the reason that a significant part of the genes that are responsible for giftedness is transmitted from the mother.

By choosing a smart mother for his children, a man will dramatically increase the intellectual level of his offspring.

Skills alone are not enough - for their development need environment A. To create it for your child, of course, is easier for a mature, accomplished person than for a young person.

But all these advantages can only affect children extraordinary man, and even that is not certain. The benefits of late fatherhood are unlikely to extend to the children of ordinary men with an average level of intelligence.

What's wrong?

There are more disadvantages of late fatherhood, and they appear more often. How older parents, the more likely that their child will have certain developmental defects. Men are more likely to work in hazardous industries, and bad habits are more susceptible than women, which means that there are a lot of breakdowns in their germ cells with age.

Of course, more often than not, older dads have normal children. And yet, genetics do not recommend planning children after 45 years.

First of all genes break down, which in the process of evolution arose last - those that are responsible for mental activity. It used to be believed that Down syndrome in a child occurs due to breakdowns in the maternal genes. It has now been established that the contribution of male and female genes in the occurrence of this disease is approximately the same. A man can be “guilty” even a little more.

Dad's damaged genes can cause limb malformation, defects in immune system child.

Another "legacy" that an aging dad can leave to his late children is increased risk get cancer or fall into premature aging: a condition when cells in the body, due to a violation of the activity of one of the enzymes, begin to divide with incredible speed. Unlike other anomalies that are visible immediately after birth, the last two diseases can knock down a late child when he himself becomes a father.

WORD TO PSYCHOLOGISTS

When a family where the husband is not young decides to give birth to a child, this first of all speaks of its strength. And yet, spouses need to be prepared for some psychological difficulties associated with the age of their father, child psychologists Olga KRUSHELNITSKAYA and Antonina TRETYAKOVA believe.

On the one side

A mature person perceives everything that happens more calmly, can predict events. For children, such features are a great boon: they provide emotional stability of the relationship give the child a sense of security. A late father will help develop logical thinking child.

The elderly dad has more life experience, he is very responsible approach to education, seeks to put the child firmly on his feet. Such fathers choose good things for the child educational institution, consult with psychologists, do not allow mother to spoil the child, bring up responsibility in him.

Elderly dad who reached high social position, has, as a rule, extensive connections, its own business or a name in the world of professionals. It's very good "start-up capital" for a child.

On the other side

A small child is an energetic being. He is ready to roll a rattling toy around the apartment for hours, jump and squeal, and wants dad to participate in his games too. This does not always please the elderly father, and conflicts arise. They can be prevented by giving the child the opportunity pour out your energy not for dad: give to kindergarten, sports section. In the evening, the father will play board games with the heir, read aloud, help assemble an aircraft model ...

An older man is hard to bear outdoor games especially with my son. The physical contact of the child with the father is in many ways an imitation of a struggle. The child is trying to knock down the mighty giant, to free himself from the iron enemy grip... The emotions received in such a fuss are extremely important for mental development boys. And the elderly father is ready to give physical contact sooner female type(hugs and kisses). The advice here is simple: try to get the boy to communicate more with older brothers, young uncles, family friends.

Do not blame the child if, while playing, he hung on someone else's man.

For a good psychological climate, the family needs harmony in sexual relations spouses. If a woman experiences chronic dissatisfaction (because sexual activity older men often decreases), this also affects the child. A man in an atmosphere of irritability will increasingly move away from his family, immerse himself in work and personal interests. And the child is likely to experience a double load maternal love and worries that will interfere with normal development.

Family life is not limited to the walls of the house. The child will have to explain to people more than once or twice that this man is not his grandfather, but his dad. For him to say these words with pride, the father must be modern man , and not a "dinosaur", which measures everything by the standards of the last century.