How should a husband behave after infidelity. How to cut all ends. He began to pay more attention to his appearance

One of the criteria for maintaining a relationship is fidelity. Every person - both woman and man - puts forward this requirement for anyone who wants to meet with him and receive any benefits. However, despite this, more and more you can face treason. Everything changes. But it is promoted in relation to men, which often leads to infidelity of the husband. Psychologists give advice to women on how to behave in a similar situation.

If you ask someone if he would like to be cheated on, the answer will be no. Only people who do not have feelings for each other can easily relate to treason and not pay attention to it. But how many such families?

Often, even in the absence of love between partners, betrayal becomes the reason for which they quarrel and divorce. “He is mine,” thinks a woman who, perhaps, has not been interested in her husband for a long time, but is so used to receiving various benefits from him that she is not able to let go to other ladies.

The most bitter is the husband's betrayal, which occurs in a family where a woman loves, appreciates and cares for her spouse. She is subject to hopes that everything will turn out well. If her husband is cheating on her, which she finds out about, this often leads to tears, hysteria, depression and other negative emotions. Many absurd acts, sometimes even of a criminal nature, were committed on the basis of jealousy. This should be remembered by men who provoke such situations. This should be known to women who do not want to ruin their lives for the sake of men.

What is a cheating husband?

It is easy to define what a cheating husband is. This is when a man gives his body or soul to another woman. The divergence of opinions of both sexes regarding this phenomenon becomes interesting:

Men consider treason only an act when they physically have sexual contact with other ladies.
Women consider absolutely all situations when a man does something for the sake of another lady to be treason. It can be flirting, sex, paying attention, etc.

Today, cheating has become very common. From the media, you can understand that there is not a single man who would not cheat on a woman. According to statistics, only 97% of partners cheat on their ladies (which is already comforting). However, this situation has really become a problem for the fair half, which requires and hopes for fidelity from the stronger sex.

Why do men cheat? This is very actual question, to which women are trying to find an answer from everyone. They read books, magazines, articles on the Internet, even seek advice from psychologists. It turns out that even bringing the appearance in order, housekeeping and a friendly attitude towards a man do not help. What should a woman do if her husband cheated? You can use many of the tips that will be given in this article, as well as seek the help of a psychologist on the site.

What are the reasons for male infidelity, it is difficult to determine. Each case is individual, as each man has his own deep reasons for his behavior. Here you can consider only common causes that are often noted among men. However, to clarify your problem, it is still better to contact a psychologist who, based on all the data, will be able to identify the true cause.

Why do men cheat?

Propaganda funds mass media and friends. Quite often, men hear that they must cheat in order to demonstrate their masculinity in this way.
Upbringing. If a man in his childhood watched his father cheat on his mother, then most likely he will also do this with his wife.
youthful habits. All men were once teenagers. And at that time, the usual way to prove one's masculinity and maturity was a large number of fans. A man gets used to surrounding himself with ladies, which he cannot get rid of at a more mature age.
instincts. There is a category of men who are more amenable to their instincts and emotions than to conscious thoughts. If a man is a "cable" almost literally given word, then it cannot change.

To understand what to do when a husband cheats and what were the reasons for his betrayal, psychologists divided men into categories that often cheat on their wives:

Romantic. Such a man does not like anything known, monotonous, routine. He wants to always face the mysterious, the unknown, the new. If a woman cannot surprise such a man, then he begins to look for novelty somewhere on the side. To prevent the betrayal of such a husband, a woman should constantly be mysterious and unusual. New underwear or clothes, outlook on life, hobbies, offers, and so on - everything will help in keeping such a man. Another way to keep romance is the jealousy that he must feel when he sees that other men are wooing his woman or looking at her.
Macho. If a woman has connected her life with such a man, then she must come to terms with the natural craving of her gentleman to constantly make her life varied and not stop at one. Change is almost inevitable. A man will always be drawn to diversity and diversity, without leaving his wife. The only thing a woman can do is to be relaxed and temperamental, not to be afraid of innovations, and also strive for diversity.
Hunter (winner of hearts). It is difficult enough for such a man to get rid of his habit of conquering all women. He once learned to charm all women, to see their sparkle in their eyes, which is why he cannot stop. Now that he is married, he feels "out of breath." He again wants to conquer, conquer, experience difficulties and overcome them. His wife, in order to avoid betrayal, should simply become invincible. Regardless of the fact that they are married, a woman should always remain slightly cold, indifferent to her husband, unsubdued. Only in this case can such an effect be achieved as the lack of desire to conquer anyone until the wife is conquered.
Don Juan (or a man with complexes). Why is this husband cheating? Because he was not loved as a child. His peers did not respect him, and his parents constantly ignored him. This led to the fact that he began to strive to please absolutely everyone, acting on the principle: the more the better. He conquers women not because he loves them, but because in this way he tries to feel loved and needed. What can a wife do to prevent cheating? She should admire her husband and compliment him. You should give him respect and tenderness, which he is constantly trying to get on the side.
Homebody. Such a man is a bright representative of traditions and family comfort. To create a family with him means to correspond to all the stereotypes about what a woman should be. He appreciates the coziness and comfort in the house, so that everything is cleaned, prepared, washed, etc. If a woman does not adhere to this image, then the man begins to get nervous. However, homebodies have a lot of patience. You can bake it with jealousy. If a man suspects that his wife has a lover, or she makes him jealous, then this puts an end to their relationship. The stay-at-home begins to cheat not in order to return to his wife later, but in order to find another "mistress in the house." We can say that homebodies are lovers who soon become husbands.

How to forgive cheating husband?

Change is unavoidable. So many women are faced with the news that their husbands are cheating. Here there is pain and a desire to send a husband to all four directions. However, if there are motives due to which a woman is ready to forgive her husband's infidelity, then the question of how to do this will have to be decided.

Psychologists give advice, depending on the desires of women. If someone wants to forgive and save the relationship, then the right path must be found.

Why did the husband change? Here it should be understood that treason did not come from a good life. main reason there remains a man's dissatisfaction with something in family relationships. The harmony in the family is broken, because of which the man went to treason. His wife does not give him something, deprives him, limits him in some way, because of which he agrees to get it on the side.

If you want to save a relationship, then a woman will have to make a lot of efforts after her husband's betrayal. First, you should not throw tantrums and constant quarrels. If the wife reproaches her husband and constantly reminds him of his guilt, then the situation will aggravate even more. The husband will again want to go to his mistress, now justifying his act by the fact that his wife is bad and bitchy. Of course, at the same time, he will forget that with the initial push bad behavior wife was his betrayal.

Cheating husband - how to behave?

A cheating husband is always a shocking and unexpected event. A woman loses confidence in him, despite the fact that in parallel with this she may feel a desire to save her family. How can you continue to exist harmoniously if you do not trust your partner and at the same time want to stay with him? This task is very difficult. This is why women often don't know how to behave after the news that their husbands have cheated on them.

What to do in this situation?
How to protect yourself from negative emotions? How to protect children from unpleasant experiences?
What kind of life to live next?
How to forgive a husband? How to forget a husband if a woman decided to get a divorce?
How to choose partners who will not change?

Understanding the peculiarities of his psychology will help a woman in forgiving her husband:

First, men are always drawn to novelty. The other woman is an unknown woman who is of more interest than an existing wife.
Secondly, men are programmed to cheat. Unfortunately, today a real man, according to the representatives of the stronger sex themselves, is one who has one or more mistresses, in addition to his wife.
Thirdly, freedom and the desire to do things your own way. In men, these desires are more pronounced than in women.

To this all are added women who themselves agree to have sexual relations with married men. If women refused, learning about the presence of marriage bonds between men and their wives, then there would be much less betrayal. But since the women themselves agree to have relationships with married gentlemen, then betrayal is the result of the wrong behavior of the weaker sex.

Psychologists advise to believe in the words of a husband who begins to justify his betrayal. No matter how senseless and stupid his excuses may be, in order to survive the betrayal of her husband, you need to believe in them. Yes, it all happened by chance, unexpectedly. The man may have been completely unconscious. You have to believe in any stupidity in order to forgive him.

It is necessary to understand the reasons that prompted a man to cheat. Something in family relationships does not suit a man (or, perhaps, something in his wife does not suit him). This should be worked on in order to eliminate and prevent subsequent infidelities. If the problem is in a woman, then you need to do your transformation or self-improvement.

You need to wish again to be interesting to your man. This will help in forgiving your husband and maintaining a relationship with him. If a woman does not care about a man, then nothing will help her survive the betrayal.

Outcome

Husband cheating is bad news that shocks and outrages. A woman should first decide for herself what she wants to have with the cheater. If she wants to save the family, then actions should be taken that help achieve this goal. If, in the end, a woman wants to say goodbye to her husband, then it is better not to delay and take advantage of the situation.

A woman can feel male infidelity on a subconscious level. But sometimes it happens that a woman denies clear signs refusing to be honest even with yourself. She does not want to believe that her husband is cheating and lying, and at this time you need to start doing something.

Signs of male infidelity

It is clear that all the signs depend on the individuality of the man. If something unusual appeared in his behavior, then you need to talk about it. Perhaps this discussion will immediately relieve unnecessary worries and suspicions.

At the same time, it is important to understand that the presence of signs is not yet a 100% fact of treason.

What to do if the husband cheats, but does not admit

If there is a fact (and not a guess) about treason, and the family needs to be saved, then you cannot accept quick decisions and get emotional. Also, you should not spy and force you to tell the truth, perhaps after such revelations you no longer want to live with your spouse, constantly feeling guilty.

Tranquility is main factor in maintaining marital relations. Often, when a spouse does not admit to infidelity, he says that he does not want to lose his family. Now the main task- to determine what prompts the spouse to cheat, what he lacks. To do this, you need to determine when a man feels that he is loved.

There are 5 main love languages. These include:

support;
tactile impact (touch, stroking);
useful time spent together, devoted only to him and her;
encouragement and gifts (not expensive, but as signs of attention);
help and care - make the bed, clean shoes, decorate dinner.

The fact is that a man in childhood felt that he was loved under certain circumstances. For example, when a mother came home from work, she hugged her son tightly, stroked his head, and he felt loved. In this case, love was manifested in tactile contact. Parents could use all 5 love languages, but one stood out and was valued more than the others.

As a child, the wife's mother, when she came home, gave her a small toy, a treat, and so on, while she felt that she was loved. Her language is encouragement and gifts. It turns out that the wife, showing love, buys something for her husband, and he needs tactile contacts It's the only way he feels loved.

Perhaps the one, the other, gives what you need? Maybe he needs so little to feel loved, but she just doesn't understand it?

The language of love is determined by happy moments at the stage of falling in love, when and how the spouse showed his feelings. This will be what he needs. If you give a man what he needs, he will have no reason to deceive and cheat.

How to deal with betrayal

If a man has betrayed, you need to overcome the strongest desire in yourself to remind you of this. Constant reproaches will not improve the relationship, but only aggravate. Do not forget that in such situations both are to blame: she did not give something, and he found it in the company of another. A woman must learn to take care of herself, and find the answer that a man lacks in a relationship.

You can be an excellent hostess, a caring wife, an excellent mother of their children, but at the same time meet your husband from work in an old great-grandmother's dressing gown, tying greasy hair in a thin ponytail at the back of your head.

And you can look perfect like a doll, take care of yourself 24 hours a day, do not spoil your figure with pregnancy, dine only in a restaurant. A man can be proud of such a woman, take it everywhere with him, however, after a while, find himself new doll, younger or more beautiful, or maybe the complete opposite - the one that will meet him from work with a delicious dinner, talk heart to heart, massage tense shoulders.

Should you date your lover?

The answer to this question is unequivocal - in no case, unless she herself came. By such an act, a woman not only humiliates herself, but loses her value in the eyes of a man. You can look at your mistress from the side, but it will not be easier for anyone.

Would a man want this meeting to happen? What he will feel at the same time - anything, but definitely not love. If the husband left for another, it means that his woman is not satisfied. From a meeting with his mistress, the wife will no longer suit her husband. You need to solve the problem with yourself, not with her.

Divorce or not?

For this dilemma, you need to give yourself honest answers to the following questions:

I live with him because no one needs him anymore?
Better at children at least such father will be?
Beats - does it mean love?
And what will I live on, left alone? Who will provide?

With a positive answer, the woman does not give herself a chance to experience happiness, but walks along vicious circle and nothing will change. In this case, divorce is an option for the development of events.

Sometimes addiction is mistaken for love. The difference is that during a love addiction, a person keeps the other, no matter what the cost. It seems that it cannot “live or breathe” without it. If a person loves, then he wishes his beloved happiness and is ready to let go if it will be better for his beloved.

Man is not sinless and has the right to make mistakes. Having given a second chance, the beloved should think about why this situation is needed, draw conclusions and work on himself. This will help to avoid similar situations and get better.

Is it worth it to forgive betrayal and how to do it right?

When it comes to forgiveness, a positive answer is more useful than the second option. Whether the couple remained to live together or dispersed, harboring a grudge means harming the body. Resentment entails psychosomatic diseases, including cancer.

You need to find a middle ground, love yourself and learn not to go to extremes.

Loving yourself does not mean becoming selfish. Love your body, don't overfeed it. Get used to the regime, walk in the fresh air. Take care of yourself, do exercises and make time for hobbies. As a result, self-esteem will rise, and the attitude of others will change. Over time, it becomes clear why a man treated a woman this way.

The answer is simple: because she treated herself that way. Understanding this, anger and resentment pass, the woman becomes energetic and happy, and the people around her begin to reach out to her. You need to look from the present moment to the future, where everything has changed and go towards it. As a result, you can be grateful to your spouse for interrupting these boring monotonous everyday life and teaching you how to be happy woman. This is one way to forgive.

Forgiveness must be earned

After a betrayal, it is difficult for both spouses to live. She needs to be forgiven, and he needs to be forgiven. This laborious process and requires bilateral efforts. Now let the man prove in practice that he is worthy of trust. The slightest delay at work or a phone call will be a reason for suspicion. For this reason, it is simply necessary to go on about women's desires, be open, and warn of surprises in advance.

Gifts are the proven and easiest way. So a man "pays for his sins" and amuses his wife's pride. Even if the betrayal was not revealed, the gift helps to numb the guilt by resorting to some hardship in favor of the injured party.

The process of restoring trust necessary procedure. It is important to understand that this takes time. You can not receive a gift, and immediately forget the grievances. That a woman feels strong heartache- it can not be in any other way. Time will pass, and the attitude to the fact of treason will change, smooth out.

How to return a man from his mistress to the family

Now that the husband is cheating and does not hide it, he does not have to lie and dodge, it's time to decide whether something needs to be done in order to return him to the family.

What to do if the husband cheats and lies, does not admit, does not leave. How to learn how to behave, how to teach a lesson - advice from a psychologist

The first stage of life with a mistress is addiction. He will see her in a bathrobe, without makeup. It used to look perfect, now it's different. She needs to fulfill marital duties, and these are not only bed comforts. Sooner or later, he will realize that she is not perfect either. Will start everyday problems with the ensuing consequences.

Of course, the opposite can also happen, but according to statistics, 80% of exit cases occur according to the same specific scenario.

When he no longer needs to win a mistress, he got what he wanted, the hunter's grip weakens along with interest in a new woman.

Whether the husband returns home or not depends on the decision of the wife and the availability of work on himself. If a woman behaved calmly, found occasions for periodic meetings, was a friend or even a relative, supported and listened - this is a victory.

The important thing is to work on yourself. This is a regimen, health care, walks, free time not for intoxication with depression, but for going to the theater. Of course, for some time you need to stay in this state, to survive, but it is important to switch in time and not “get stuck”. If you can’t cope on your own, then the help of a psychologist or visiting a church and talking with a priest is a huge support in living through grief.

Such a change in lifestyle has a positive effect on self-esteem, which attracts the attention of the opposite sex.

If the husband cheats, but does not leave

Having considered some statistical facts, one can understand what to do if the husband is cheating and lying, but does not want to leave the family.

"Discover" the woman in you. What is the women's mission? What makes her different from a man?

The strength of a woman in weakness is not an empty hackneyed phrase, but wisdom. Behind strong woman I don’t want to take care, carry it in my arms, worry, she herself is ready to stand up for a man;
A woman should be well-groomed, with a clean body, hair, clothes, shoes, an updated haircut, light makeup;
Creating comfort in the house is also a women's mission. If there is no confidence in yourself, you should seek the help of a designer, but it is better to develop these skills in yourself. Paintings, vases, sculptures, house plants, decorative candles - these are the things that make the house cozy and desirable;
Finding common ground with a man in the interests.

The likelihood of infidelity depending on the age of the man. Statistical data

If initially the marriage is built on love, but there are irrefutable facts of adultery, you should not make hasty decisions. If he does not confess and does not leave the family, it means that there are feelings that hold him back.

If the husband is cheating on his pregnant wife

If a husband cheats and lies to his pregnant wife, then he may simply be afraid of intimacy with a woman, inside of whom is a child, does not want to harm and does not know what to do. It has been statistically proven that most men during intercourse with a pregnant woman visualize the fetus and cannot think about anything else.

This contributes to the loss of interest in the spouse as a sexual partner. In this case, a woman needs to diversify her intimate life, innovate, make it genuinely interesting for both parties.

What to do with threats of miscarriage, when doctors do not recommend a woman to even experience a state of excitement? In this case, you need to talk with your husband, tell him: “How painful it would be if, in addition to complications, to find out about the betrayal ...”. It is worth remembering this, which will help to accept correct solution in an ambiguous situation.

To save a marriage, you must try to hide the fact of being aware of the betrayal., pay attention to yourself and remind your spouse that after the birth of a child, she will also love her husband very much. It has long been proven that the forbidden fruit is sweet.

If a woman follows her appearance and flirts with her husband, then after abstinence, feelings will flare up with new force and become even stronger. To maintain a calm relationship, it is necessary to sublimate impulsiveness into creativity, which also develops and raises self-esteem.

Three real women's stories about revenge for treason

Svetlana, 22 years old

I learned about the betrayal from a friend who saw Igor (Svetlana's husband) in the supermarket in the arms of another girl. Starting from that day, Katya (Svetlana's friend) carefully monitored her friend's husband and reported on his actions.

This development of events led to unfortunate events. Svetlana was waiting for her husband from work, counting the minutes of being late. For the first 2 days, the girl tried to cope with her emotions and pretend that nothing was happening, she tried to give herself time and come up with a plan of action to keep her husband. Tension built up and needed to be released.

One evening, meeting her husband from work, Svetlana could not resist and threw out her emotions. She screamed, cried, cursed. Igor sincerely pretended that he did not understand what was happening, but now you cannot deceive Svetlana, she knew too much about her unfaithful wife thanks to her faithful and caring friend. The young wife showed Igor to the door and said that she would never be able to forgive the betrayal.

That same evening, she went to a party and took revenge on her husband in his own way with best friend Igor.

A month later, the resentment was still strong, but the pain of betrayal began to subside. Now the whole court was talking about Svetlana's new relationship, and, of course, the information did not escape her husband's traitor.

Imagine the surprise when Svetlana witnessed the dialogue:

- Igor, darling, she has been fooling you with this "friend" for a long time. And I told you that she is such a thing!

- Katya, I'm sorry, but we will never have anything. Understand, I never loved you, our relationship has no future!

Svetlana gritted her teeth and walked past her "friend". She didn't know what to do. The fact of betrayal and the selfish plan of Katerina was obvious, but not Igor. The relationship of the young was destroyed. Whether they can be restored, time will tell. But Svetlana gained invaluable experience.

Christina, 48 years old

Lived with another 3rd husband for 2 years. First there was falling in love, then an ordinary routine came. Christina was a good host. She cooked deliciously, maintained perfect cleanliness and comfort in the house, however, she sorely lacked time for herself. The time has come, and the husband began to look at his new employee. She, for her part, tried to look perfect, and they began a romantic relationship.

Upon learning of her husband's betrayal, Christina was furious. On the same evening, she kicked out her husband and firmly decided that married life was not for her. Once again, everything happens according to the same scenario, and yet she tried so hard, everything is for him. The revenge didn't stop there. Having come to work with her husband, the woman made a scandal and got the pretty employee fired.

Turning to a psychotherapist for help, Christina realized that until she loves herself, no man will love her. The ex-husband could also have a delicious meal and be in a cozy apartment with his mother, but he simply did not want to spend time accompanied by his wife, who launched her appearance.

Kristina suddenly felt sorry that she had done this to her husband's employee. After all, if not for her, there would be another. Now she understood the extent of her responsibility for what had happened and, after 6 months, she opened her heart to a new relationship.

Maria, 28 years old

Maria is from a very influential and wealthy family. She was used to overspend and believed that everything that your heart desires is available for money. It's time to seriously think about family life settle down, have a baby or two.

Masha was a vulgar young lady, allowed herself to swear obscenely and abuse alcohol.

To the surprise of her parents, she met a guy who was quite cultured and educated. They passionately fell in love with each other, and these feelings influenced the personality of the young woman. The girl completely refused to drink alcohol, complaisant and compliant behavior gradually became the norm. Friends saw her like this for the first time in her life.

The girl SPENDED all the money on her chosen one, gave him expensive gifts, and allowed him to live at her expense.

Beloved sat at home and went about his business. Namely, he sat all day at the computer and took his girlfriends to her apartment. Having learned from the neighbors the reality of reality, Maria decided, no matter what, to take revenge on the traitor. She could not understand how it was that she, so rich and beautiful, was shared with someone else.

Maria kicked the gigolo out and started drinking again. She spread a rumor about former lover, after which not a single familiar woman looked in his direction without a smirk.

The scary thing is that before meeting with Maria, the guy never allowed himself such behavior. He was a modest man from a poor family who had to save on everything in order to pay for his studies at the university. Even the fashionable clothes, in which he sometimes went to parties, had to be borrowed from friends. Those modest gifts that he initially tried to give to the woman he loved were not appreciated.

Attempts to get a job and take care of the family caused Maria only a categorical refusal and misunderstanding. Having tasted rich life, the guy could not resist the temptation and succumbed to the influence of Mary. As a result - two broken destinies and distrust of the opposite sex.

And the bottom line is that everyone has their own mission. The man is the breadwinner, the woman is the mistress. When choosing a person not from your circle, you need to be prepared to refuse familiar image life.

How to make your spouse not cheat

Do not think that only someone else's husband is able to cheat and lie, this can happen to anyone. But if you try to do something, then the chances of not being deceived increase significantly.

10 best advice for women:

Take care of your appearance, be feminine;
Be a good housewife, keep clean and comfortable;
From time to time to give the opportunity to conquer yourself;
Strive for development, read, attend cultural events. It may seem that this fact is not related to the desire for infidelity, however, it affects the woman's self-esteem and the attitude of others;
Find common interests and always be a friend you can trust;
Determine the love language of your spouse (under what circumstances does he understand that we love) and let him feel loved, and therefore happy;
Be yourself with your loved one and accept him as he is. If you start pretending, you will have to wear this mask all the time, and falsehood is felt on a subconscious level;
Let him feel like a man. Do not try to be strong and omnipotent;
The stronger the control, the more you want to get rid of it or break the rules;
Temporary deprivation of the desired entails desire achievements.

Cheating spouse is a difficult test for every woman. But it is important to remember that in despair, without taking any action, without strategizing later life, restore psychological condition, to live and feel as before, will never work out.

Useful videos about signs of male infidelity and what a woman should do

What to do if the husband is cheating? For myself male population the planet came up with a fairy tale about the polygamy of the sons of Adam, which for thousands of years has been enthusiastically trying to translate into reality. Without realizing that the concept of polygamy directly means polygamy, which is legally prohibited in most powers, and not the desire to possess the largest possible number of beautiful women for self-assertion, maintaining and increasing authority among “males” or because of the desire to dominate in an aggressive environment of “strong men” ". After all, when a man does not sneak around to the left and does not start romances on the side, he is considered a weakling, who is contemptuously called "heel".

What to do if the husband cheats and deceives? First, it is recommended to analyze what happened, to understand what events caused this to happen. An analysis of the sad situation will further contribute to the approval of the only correct solution and liberation from the severity of the problem. As a rule, psychologists count three fundamental options for getting out of the resulting plight of family relations when the husband is cheating, namely, reconcile, simply create an appearance called “nothing happened”; forgive truly and let go or fight for the heart of a loved one.

For any young lady, even the most self-sufficient, her husband's betrayal is a tragedy, as a result of which long-term plans collapse, the worldview changes, there is a feeling that a support has been knocked out from under her feet. Hopes are shattered, value ideals are trampled on, the usual way of life is violated.

What to do if the husband changes how to behave? It is necessary to take one's own person in own hands and move on. male infidelity It's a pain, but not a tragedy. Therefore, it should be treated in the same way as in situations of somatic pain, that is, to understand the factors that provoked betrayal, and to influence them. This will help either save the family, or teach in later life with a new partner not to make such mistakes.

If the husband is cheating and does not admit what to do, the solution to this problem can be found in the following ways to respond to adultery. The easiest way is humility, when the spouse "does not notice" the betrayal. A similar model of behavior is chosen by ladies who have been married for many years, when grandchildren have already appeared and women give them all the time, and men are looking for entertainment on the side. Therefore, women, having learned about treason, create the appearance of a strong family, since they are not going to change their status as a married lady, and intimate life has long been unimportant. It is easier for them to “not notice” the small pranks of their spouse than to remain on their own after fifty and learn to live without a traitor.

Forgiveness and letting go is the way of self-confident women, who do not allow self-love, pride and self-esteem to “not notice” that they are betrayed by those closest to them day after day. Often, such ladies immediately let go of the unfaithful spouse, often they even drive them away, but they forgive him much later. They are self-sufficient, therefore they are sure that they will still meet a worthy partner on the path of life.

Option to fight fit more themes young ladies who want to save their relationship, who are sure that they have found their only one and are not going to share it with a potential homemaker. These women are having a hard time. After all, they have no right to break. They constantly have to play a role, hiding from the spouse what pain is tearing apart inside. In addition, they must understand what their unfaithful husband was looking for on the side, what reasons led to this in order to build the right model of behavior in which a man does not want to look for emotions outside the family.

These methods are only models of solutions that contribute to the correct assessment of the situation and the definition of priorities.

What to do if the husband is cheating and lying

Some people are unable to live without deceit. Lying becomes their habitual way of life. Especially addicted to outright lies are men who are connected marriage bonds and having a connection on the side. The lie itself has a devastating effect on the relationship of partners, and if it is also fueled by adultery, it turns into an avalanche that buries the marriage.

Cheating a spouse for a wife is a serious test, but what if the husband cheats and lies even when convicted of infidelity? It is necessary to try to talk frankly with him, try to explain to the unfaithful husband that they are built solely on trust. strong relationships. It is important to convey to the dodging traitor, as if already in a frying pan, that couples they can survive the betrayal with dignity and become stronger, but the lie destroys the relationship completely. In addition, we need to figure out what is holding him back with his wife, why doesn’t he confess if he has already been caught more than once? Maybe he is deeply attached to his wife, or is he kept by a joint business, children, or is he just used to an established family way of life? Depending on the factor that makes him dodge, you should build own behavior. Anyway straight Talk necessary.

Most women prefer a good scandal as a solution to a problem if their husband is cheating and lying. Such behavior can achieve a temporary lull in the bed "exploits" on the side, but literally in ten days he will take up the old. At the same time, he will simply begin to more carefully camouflage his own adventures, but will not stop ties on the side.

The most provocative and cardinal way to make a spouse think about his actions is to lie back. At the same time, it is extremely difficult to predict the outcome of such a move. If a person is truly dear, then you should fight. But if a woman understands that her spouse will never change, then it may be better to give herself a chance to build a more harmonious relationship with another partner, leaving him with his sweetheart, for the sake of meetings with which he constantly dodged.

What to do if the husband cheats and deceives - the recommendations of psychologists.

First of all, you need to realize once and for all that scandals will not help. If emotions have accumulated that are difficult to keep in oneself, then you can pour them out on your husband. After all, he deserved it! But you should not make a fuss solely out of love for this genre of showdown. Taking it out on others, subordinates, children, friends is also not an option. So you can lose the location of loved ones and the support of friends. Looking for a husband's mistress in order to tear out her hair or evaluate her is also not recommended. By this, the woman will humiliate herself even more, and present the lover in a more favorable light. Another extremely wrong way to respond is to retaliate against your husband in a similar way. It is not a fact that it will be possible to take revenge, but it will be absolutely possible to worsen one's own condition. In addition, such a “revenge” will put a woman on the same level as an unfaithful faithful, as a result of which she will lose her “advantage”.

Many women write on various forums "I found out that my husband is cheating, what to do." Not realizing that help is next to them in the face of girlfriends. Some women, having learned about adultery begin to avoid close people. This is fundamentally wrong behavior. In such a situation, girls are very vulnerable and need outside support. They need to speak up. For this purpose, like no other, best friends will cope.

Psychologists also advise some time after the fait accompli of adultery to live separately from the spouse. Since he is under the same roof as a traitor, it will be quite difficult. Temporary separate residence will allow you to calm down, think about the situation and make a decision.

Adultery is usually complicated by the need to make choices. A married lady suddenly faces a dilemma: forgive or divorce, which no one but her can solve. And for the consequences decision only she will have to bear the responsibility. If the choice fell on maintaining relationships, then you need to learn to forgive for real. After all, forgiveness does not consist in the phrase: "I forgive you." True forgiveness means forgetting the offense, as well as the situation that provoked it, never reminding, and even more so not reproaching the spouse of the past. Not every beautiful femina is capable of this. Therefore, before making any decision, it should be clarified whether the “sufferer” can sincerely forgive the traitor. If not, then you should not keep the relationship, as this will lead to even more difficult, in emotionally, break. It is better to let go and give yourself a favorable chance to become happy. Also relevant is the issue of trust. The wife forgave the squandering husband. For a while, everything is fine, but suspicions slowly begin to eat from the inside every time he is detained at work or meeting with friends. It also fails to strengthen the family bond. Distrust will lead either to regular scandals arranged by the spouse, or to her nervous breakdown.

What to do if the husband is cheating, how to behave

If, nevertheless, a woman has decided, then she needs to prepare for hard and painstaking daily work. In order to survive a painful situation and emerge victorious from it, in the first place, you need to learn how to get the better of your emotions. You can not constantly remind your spouse of his betrayal. Blackmail is also not the best remedy keep her husband and revive former passion. Don't expect instant results. So it pays to be patient.

Psychologists say "no" to tantrums and screams at home. If it becomes unbearable, then there are forests, parks and any other nature. You should also start a diary, which will become for a while the closest friend who knows all the pain of a woman. It can describe everything experienced, emotions and feelings, which helps to continue to live and smile. The problem will gradually let go with each next reading of your entries.

Whenever there is a desire to yell at your spouse or insult him, you need to go to another room or do something to distract yourself. For example, you can meet close friend. Just do not turn communication with her into an endless discussion of your husband.

In addition, it is recommended to revive a former hobby or come up with another exciting business that will charge you with positive energy. In addition to this, you should come up with a punishment for any negativity. For example, you can build a piggy bank and throw a coin of a certain denomination into it with each outburst of anger. That is, I wanted to throw a scandal, but there is no necessary coin. To find it, you need to go outside and exchange it. After that, swearing will be gone completely.

What to do and how to behave if the husband is cheating? As you struggle with your own negative emotions, it is necessary to direct energy to change yourself. It is necessary to deal not only with the external transformation, but also with the soul. Updating your wardrobe, changing your hairstyle, searching for a new look will effectively distract you from sad thoughts, increase self-esteem and give you confidence.

What to do so that the husband does not change? Do not deny your spouse intimacy. The woman, thinking that she is punishing him with her refusal, actually makes it clear to her husband that she does not want to understand and forgive him.

All of these methods are suitable when a man has made a mistake and repents of it. But if there are serious reasons to believe that the spouse will dodge and change regularly, then what is the point of maintaining such a relationship ?! For what? For the children? So it will only get worse for children in a family where there are no moral principles, all moral guidelines are trampled, where there is no mutual understanding and love between spouses, where there is no spiritual warmth. For an apartment or a family business? So that's not an argument either. The mental health of families and children does not cost any money.

There is no single answer to the question: what to do if the husband is cheating and is not recognized. After all, every woman is individual, as well as treason itself has its own specific features. The only general advice that can be given to absolutely all ladies who have experienced the infidelity of the second half is that you should not take adultery as a personal tragedy, you should not blame yourself for betraying your spouse and look for flaws in your own appearance or character. After all, any problems can be solved together, and embarking on the path of infidelity was only his choice.

And in general, if such a question has already arisen, it means that the girl who raised it is still more inclined to forgive the traitor, she does not want to present it to her mistress for perpetual use. Because when a lady is self-sufficient and independent, such a question will not even arise in her head. After all, if infidelity was the result of a mistake, and a man sincerely loves his wife to this day, then he will do everything possible to return her location. If he does not love, then there is no point in keeping the family.

Statistics say that out of ten, nine representatives of a strong part of the population were unfaithful to their spouses, at least once in their family life. Of course, every young lady would like her husband to be that one faithful "mammoth". But what if this is not the case, what if you find out that your husband is cheating, what to do in this case?

First of all, don't panic. After all, nine out of ten women I know also faced infidelity dearly. And most of them live happier than before.

So, first of all, to overcome the emotional emptiness from betrayal, you need a cold mind. Therefore, you should try to calm down. There are no accidents in the life of individuals. The purpose of any event is personal development. And therefore, you need to understand what good can be extracted from the circumstances. Do not assume that if you close your eyes or forget, the problem will disappear by itself. It will not happen. It should be realized that after the fact of infidelity became known, the woman's life changed. And it depends only on her whether such transformations will be positive or will carry a negative color. For example, if a lady and a man are not bound by love, they live like strangers connected by a common life, then the fact of betrayal should be taken as a chance to start new life filled with love and joy.

In addition, the infidelity of the spouse increases the stress resistance of the young lady. It can teach a girl sincere forgiveness, as a result of which she will no longer be weighed down by an unbearable burden of resentment. Also, cheating can be an incentive for personal growth, as well as direct a woman on the path of self-development.

What to do if the husband wants to change

All psychologists are unanimous in one thing: if a man decides to cheat, it means that he stopped feeling happy in marriage, he began to lack something in a relationship. A loving and happy family man will never consciously risk his relationship with his wife. He will cherish the family and will not go on about animal instincts.

The reason for the husband's desire to change may lie in the partners' inability to create a harmonious relationship. In addition, often, after some time, passion fades in a relationship and domestic problems come to the fore. In this case, men want to have a little romance on the side to get vivid impressions. Usually such an adventure ends with internal devastation and disappointment, since the family gives a man a lot, from home comfort to safe and regular intimate relationships. Also in marriage, a man gets the opportunity to continue the race. Most representatives of the strong part of the population are well aware of all the advantages of family life, and therefore value relationships.

No matter how pleasant it is to discuss pressing problems with your spouse, the basis of marriage is still intimate relationship. Problems in intimate life families will lead the marriage to disintegration. If a woman does not allow her husband to realize his innermost fantasies with her, then he will embody them with another lover.

What to do if the husband wants to change? Many will say that wanting and doing are two different things. Behind any thought is, first of all, a desire, and behind a desire is the desire to make dreams come true. However, one should not think that his desire to spend the night with another lady is a disaster. Forewarned means armed, which means there are real chances to prevent trouble.

Today, being faithful is quite difficult, because it is not fashionable. In all media sources, songs, films, books, you can see covert or overt propaganda free relationship, a call for treason, for the search for entertainment outside the family. In addition, it can be difficult for men to resist active provocations and seductions from a charming employee or acquaintance from the Internet. It should also be borne in mind that men have a much richer fantasy in intimate terms than women. To feed their fantasies, they can watch porn movies or chat with strangers.

Thus, you do not need to fall into hysterics and roll a scandal when you find out that your spouse wants to change, but you should also not ignore his desire. It is necessary to act proactively. To this end, it is necessary to diversify not only intimate life, but also the domestic sphere. If it gnaws, then it should be hidden. It is unlikely that a man will want to return to the house, where regular scandals, tears and reproaches await him. By such behavior, a woman gives a man carte blanche to cheat.

What needs to be done so that the husband does not change? It is required to become more liberated for the spouse and meet him in the evenings with a smile. The more comfortable and more interesting to a man will be at home, the less he will want to go to the left. But it should be understood that you can’t keep a lustful “goat” from treason with one comfort and buns. Therefore, do not neglect intimacy as a weapon. The richer and brighter the emotions in intimate life are, the more confidence that the husband will remain faithful. In addition, it is recommended to hug your husband more often and give him affection. A man should feel that he is loved at home.

The negative statement of the local psychologist about the allegedly invented male monogamy contradicts scientific data on this issue and is a very subjective attempt to express my personal rejection of this fact, which I find very unprofessional for a specialist psychologist who lacks competence and objectivity.

Maybe someone can help me with some advice? For the sake of a man, she went with him to another city and married him. I've known him for 10 years, married for 1.5 years. And he loves to drink, it feels like he's still in adolescence, does not understand the seriousness. A year later, the relationship became more complicated, he repeatedly promised to stop drinking, but somehow he didn’t perceive all this, like “still young, I will always have time.” I left and came back. And now she left for her hometown on business for 2 months. My husband came on vacation, found out that I was not going back, that it was bad for me there. I decided to return all the same to my hometown, and everything seemed to be decided, but a couple of days ago, when meeting with friends, he drank and cheated on me with my girlfriend .. He told me the next day. Maybe his conscience tortured him, maybe he was afraid that she would tell. Now he constantly calls, comes, tries to talk everything, promises to fix everything ... But I don’t know what to do, about drinking, he also promised that in last time a hundred times. So what to think? Maybe his faucet will now open, once forgiven - so you can. Or maybe the truth will think about life, mature at last.

Hello, S. Cheating always comes to life unexpectedly and hits the most vulnerable place. We recommend that you come to terms with the idea that this happened, and if the husband says that he will fix everything, then this means that he was not set up for treason in advance, but everything happened spontaneously under the influence of alcohol.

Interesting, how old are you? Sorry, but you your message characterizes you in my eyes as an infantile, immature and naive person. Firstly, why did you get the idea that you went, as you write, for the sake of him? No, you went for the sake of fulfilling your goals - love, family, etc. Secondly, you knew him for 10 years, write that he was not serious, liked to drink, etc. That is, you, knowing all this, married him! Well, why? Well, since they still came out, why are you surprised now? If you hoped that he would change, then you are very naive. It seems that you and your husband are a couple of naive infantile people. What will help? Best of all, self-education would help, reading good literature and watching videos on the Internet on this topic, visiting a psychologist on family relations. Yes, this is not an easy work on yourself, but this is the only thing that could help you for a long time.

Let the man speak. I well understand the reaction of women, besides offended, to such male behavior- the vast majority of women have no idea about male nature, or perverted. Moreover, he does not want to understand. For women, everything is simple - he changed, it means he betrayed, you bastard. But most of the time it's not as easy as it looks. All problems are due to ignorance and delusions. It's a shame that the respected Mrs. psychologist does not understand the issue of scientific point view, he judges very biasedly, considering male polygamy a fairy tale. Meanwhile, there is a very serious science of "evolutionary psychology" that explains the sexual behavior of the sexes, including polygamy. According to this science, the conflict of the sexes is genetically programmed and based on conflicting procreation strategies. This is a big topic, but without understanding the deep cause-and-effect relationships, the evolutionary background of the sexes, we are doomed to misunderstanding and, as a result, conflicts and suffering. Let's patiently learn materiel together. Science is of great help to us here.

- If you don’t like a man like that, then why continue a relationship with him? You have one life, why do you spend it on such a man, and do not find yourself a more suitable one?

I read your stories, girls, and realized that there is nothing to doubt, the humpbacked grave will fix it. Once you decide to divorce, you need to reach the end. Only my advice to those who have recently learned about the betrayal of her husband, you still have a chance to save the family. Do not cut from the shoulder, do not disperse immediately, forgive the traitor. But when, after a couple of years, you are convinced that you live with pathological liar, with an animal, with eternal teenager who only wants to have fun and does not want to take responsibility for children and healthy relationships in the family, then there is nothing to doubt, get divorced without regrets. But in this way you will avoid doubts. Divorce is a difficult thing, and if you still doubt the correctness of the choice, then it is three times harder. 5 years ago, with three small children in my arms, I accidentally caught my husband with an accountant from his work. It was terrible! From a nervous breakdown, my milk was gone, gray strands appeared and interruptions in the work of the heart began. Still shaking from the cynicism and indifference of her husband. I loved him wholeheartedly for all the years and forgave small casual intrigues, but I could not bear his real passion. She was on the verge of suicide, and he only pushed for this, scoffed, beat, said that with three children I would not go anywhere. If then we parted, I probably would still love him and feel sorry for him, and with three kids we would exist in poverty with the sick and morally crushed by me. But I endured all the bullying, became healthy again both physically and mentally, even managed to fix my husband, gives money, doesn’t beat me anymore, however, he still walks, the children grew up, life got better, and my husband became disgusting. Last year I listened to my feelings and finally became convinced that I don’t love my husband and even hate him. I want to divorce him. Now the problem is that he doesn't want to. For half a year I have been trying to convince him that I am not joking and have not forgiven him anything. Even if he asked for forgiveness and fulfilled some of the promises he made, then maybe I wouldn’t divorce him, in principle, I don’t care, we can continue to live in the same apartment, but the husband believes that he is a man, and a man is always right and does not ask for forgiveness. And I became independent and self-sufficient, I use it exclusively for sex.

I have been married for 40 years, I have two children and grandchildren. In the first year life together discovered intuitively a secret correspondence with a previous woman. Being a pregnant first-born, I found out about my husband’s betrayal at work with a colleague, in my absence from work, he brought his girlfriend and slept with her in my bed, then off and on, business trips, then drinking with an overnight stay at work, then a friend-boss gave the key from his office for comfort with lonely, much older than husband employees, and it continues to this day. Saved him from rectal cancer, nursed him after surgery. For his statements about his betrayals, he beat me, ripped furniture, dishes, everything that fell into his hands flew at me ... .. The positive aspects of him - loves children, helps them, loves grandchildren. they love him too. If I had listened to the first signs of an unhappy marriage in those early years, I would never have married this man. People say - beautiful, talented, energetic, kind, faithful, the owner of golden hands, but unhappy. We live in the same apartment, but people are completely strangers to each other. I myself ruined my life, throwing it at the feet of a scoundrel.

Good afternoon. Need advice. Tell me what to do. I don't want to lose my family. I just found, 11 years after an unsuccessful marriage, I have a daughter 11 years old from my first marriage. Last year she got married and gave birth to a child. A wonderful son. we live in a spacious good apartment which we are going to take a mortgage in a couple of months. My husband and I didn't date for long before marriage. It was a beautiful, romantic relationship, I believed in happiness with him. After a long loneliness, I really wanted to be with him. Although there were moments that made me think whether it is worth building a family with him. He, too, was alone for a long time, lives in a resort town where mass festivities take place every night in the summer. He was born and raised where they disappear until the morning, lighting summer nights until morning. He brought me right after giving birth. It was in the summer. All summer he disappeared at these festivities or “take the kid”, “help the kid”, “go to the bathhouse with the bros” But his wife was not smart enough to help. I got very angry. Killing his cynical, cold attitude towards me. It was impossible to have a CS for 2 months. This period was a living hell, I would have left him but nowhere, there is no way home, I lived with my parents and my mother warned me. Works in the North - 2 months at work, 1 month at home. I caught him in correspondence with girls, he did not even wash them. Walked, often drank because he walked. He is obsessed with parties. Friends for him are like a family, probably only for some reason he treats his family, me, his mother worse. But he will never refuse friends “ass licking”. It came to severe nervous breakdowns. I tried not to be nervous, but everything accumulated and then exploded. Cynical, selfish. At some moments, I realized that it was possible that he was going to clubs to “shoot heifers”, although there were no calls home on the website in VK, they didn’t write to him. His behavior was annoying. I was at home alone, after the cop it was hard, the stitches hurt and I needed help. He didn’t care about anything. Summer is over, that's it, now it's " good husband". But as I understand it, I did not forgive him. Every time I remember everything: correspondence, drinking, partying, lies. He constantly lied. He says he will go to football by 7, I say that I will go with him, he does not take it, and then it turns out that football was not at 7 but at 4. It seems to me that I hate him fiercely for the summer. It was a nightmare. Arrived from the watch in the fall, the berths were over. He stayed with me for 3 days, then he tried to get out of the house, then hockey, then football, he saw a disgruntled face and did not dare to leave after a week, and gradually he was at home every other day. A person cannot be changed. I hate him, then I cool down and understand that he is needed. I can’t forgive everything in my memory, I can’t forget, and now I’ve caught it in a lie again. I got him sick of it in the summer and distrust and exhausted myself. Now he is thinking about a divorce, as he says, it can scare him, but I would love to. Because, by virtue of my nature, I cannot be with a liar and a traitor, this is terrible. But he acts as if everything is OK and he does not consider himself guilty, and in the summer he helped me. I’m on maternity leave, and when I go to work there’s no one to sit with a little. She left her parents, from her hometown for the sake of a man who will drink, walk ... terribly. And she lies like she breathes. And the constant swearing, I can't take it anymore. And I want to save my family, but ... I hate and love him, and then there's also a mortgage.

Fight fire with fire. He needs to change. I'm pregnant now, I'm patient. After giving birth, this creature will not see me at home at all. I will take 3 lovers. Let him tumble with the children.

Good afternoon. Help, please, to understand. Together 20 years. Married 13 years. Child 1.10. I found a love letter from my husband with a work colleague. He apologized, said not a good joke, promised to stop. After 6 months, she found out that she was sleeping with her. She left him. He asked me to forgive him, promised to stop everything, which would return my trust. They were together for a month. Two weeks later, I began to suspect him again, observed, and checked - I found confirmation of my feelings. He said that it was only my suspicions, they had nothing. I left, said that I wanted to take a break from everything that was happening and not think about it. I want to break up with him, but then doubts arise, maybe give a chance. I'm starting to think that they really love (she is married, three children). I don't want to disturb them. I forgave him betrayal, I can’t forgive lies, meanness, cunning with which more than a year he convinced me what was in my head. Help advice or understand what is happening. Very close person for me. I want to make a decision.

Yesterday I found out that my husband took up the old two years ago for 10 years of marriage, ignited that my missus had a mistress, after a scandal and throwing junk out of the apartment, they calmly sat down and talked, came to an understanding. In short, I forgave, he tearfully said that this was the first and last time, I believed. Two years without jambs, they lived well, the relationship improved, but the trust lasted for a year. I periodically checked the computer and phones (trust but verify) for these two years I have never reproached. And here again he swears that he only thought that he was going to only but broke off, and behaves like a king on a name day. This is not treason, it did not take place. Well, that doesn't make it any easier for me. Now she left with the children in an apartment, she decided to live separately. There is emptiness in the soul. The main argument - well, all the same men change. Still, then 10 years ago, something broke and can no longer be repaired, as if the gear flew out of the mechanism and everything is already working wrong. Somehow everything falls on my anniversary, maybe this is a sign that enough is enough. If it was easy to leave, I probably left, but I love him.

I have been married for 43 years. married by mutual love and all the years were happy. If the husband when that changed did not notice. Two years ago I had some female organs A year ago, my husband had a heart attack. Therefore, there was almost no intimacy, although sometimes once a week I somehow tried to satisfy him. But a month ago I found on the computer a photo of him and a prostitute in some room. And on the same day when he came from the "bath with friends" I found the bill from the hotel for that day. Of course, the ground is gone from under your feet. Moreover, he very reliably told how he spent time in the bath. That night, I took about 100 sleeping pills and almost passed out, but I threw up and nothing happened. My husband didn't let me know. We left to rest. And here began Honeymoon“I relaxed and enjoyed it. But at times it starts shaking. There is no jealousy but so disgusting. We are returning home soon and I am afraid that I might break loose there. I understand - the reason - does not want to grow old, afraid that he will not "stand" and so on, what to do? How much longer can I stand it and how do I know if he will go to prostitutes again?

Good afternoon, I looked through all your advice, and it turns out that I behaved as you advised, but there was no result. Background: Have been married for 27 years. Now I found out that my husband had a family, a child, in parallel for 13 years. How it all unfolded, he doesn’t want to leave, he lies to me that he doesn’t communicate, doesn’t call, and the facts show everything in reverse. He doesn’t want to talk to me on this subject, he leaves the conversation, sticks to me and does not give life, I try to end the relationship, he forces me to return to my former life by force and then communicates there in parallel. I do not know what to do. He can leave so that he forgets me. It was so convenient for him - the family is here, the children have grown up, there are no problems with money, because basically I support the family, take care of his shaky health, let him go on vacation twice a year, and he takes my second family for fun. And I'm all at work, I don't need to rest. It was my birthday recently - the result is a scandal - I drove him away from me - I received a gift in the form of bruises on my neck from strangulation. And if he goes to that family, he has to work. And I don't know what to do...

God. Darling. Yes, you drive him to hell. Live for yourself. You will earn money. And there will be a person who will appreciate you. And let it go on 4 sides. Have pity on yourself!

Lvris! Try to become a woman, you just switched roles with your husband. A man supports a family - this is the law throughout the World. Stop supporting him and that's it, if you want him to go away. First, think about what you want and decide. Go on vacation yourself.

According to psychologists, most men cheat on their wives. Every woman wants to believe that her husband does not belong to this majority. Sometimes a husband's betrayal goes unnoticed by his wife. However, deceptions are revealed sooner or later. What should a woman do if she finds out about her husband's infidelity? What do psychologists advise?

How does a man who cheats on his wife behave?

Men do their best to hide their infidelity. They do not admit to treason even when they are asked a direct question. However, not every woman will dare to start a conversation with her husband about infidelity. How to make sure that the spouse is unfaithful? Psychologists identify a number of signs that indicate the fact of treason:

he stopped looking into your eyes;
tries to retire when talking on the phone;
does not allow opening his correspondence in social networks;
spends a lot of time at work;
often travels on business trips (especially on weekends);
Completely updated wardrobe
he got things that "colleagues" give;
he became overly irritable or courteous (which is unusual for him);
additional expenses appeared, the origin of which the man cannot explain;
the spouse devotes little time to the family;
he does not show interest in intimacy or experiments in bed;
his income dropped sharply;
Husband constantly says that you are cheating on him.

What to do if you find out about cheating?

A cheating husband is a hard blow for a woman. The first reaction of a deceived wife is unpredictable. A woman can get angry, scream, cry, or become completely indifferent to everything. However, after a while, emotions subside, and it's time to decide what to do next. The advice of psychologists will help to understand this situation.

Is divorce worth it?

The first desire of many women is to file for divorce and break off all relations with a deceiver. However, is it worth it? Before you decide to break up, answer a few questions:

Is the relationship worth it at all costs?

So you've decided that you don't want to get divorced. Many women are frightened by the prospect of being alone. Ladies over 40 are especially afraid of loneliness. Some do not want to leave children without a father. If the spouse sincerely repents and wants to save the family, then relations can be improved.

Sometimes after a betrayal, a couple's life takes on a different character. Spouses become closer to each other. However, some men do not want to stay in the family or continue to cheat even after sworn promises to remain faithful. The fear of loneliness makes a woman pretend that she does not notice anything.

However, life in constant deception will not bring anything good to either the spouse, or the cheater, or their children. So is it worth maintaining a relationship with an unfaithful spouse at any cost? In such families, scandals often arise. A man will cease to respect and appreciate his wife. Blackmail, pleas and humiliation will only aggravate the situation. Children in such families grow up in an atmosphere of negativity, become nervous, often get sick.

No matter how scary and painful, it is necessary to break off such a relationship. Children will be better off when their parents stop swearing.

Is revenge worth it?

Women often have a desire to take revenge on their husband. “If he cheats on me, I will also constantly cheat on him” - this is how the deceived spouses think. However, is it worth paying the deceiver with the same coin? Psychologists do not advise sinking to the level of an unfaithful husband. Your betrayal will give your spouse an extra reason to continue their love affairs.

A relationship with another man will not bring relief if you started it only for revenge. Usually, after reciprocal adultery, women feel nothing but disappointment and devastation. Husband's indifference can aggravate the wife's well-being. How will you feel if you tell your spouse about the betrayal, and he remains indifferent?

Revenge on husband The best decision and in the event that he himself confessed to the deceit and sincerely repented. Of course, you can take revenge on your spouse in other ways. Some ladies smash cars for their husbands, make trouble at work, try to quarrel lovers, intrigue their mistress. However, none of these methods will bring the desired result.

The husband does not want to leave the family, but continues to cheat

Some men have been cheating for years (more details in the article:). They confess to treason, promise to end the relationship on the side, but after some time they return to their mistress or find a new passion. What makes them do this? Consider the main reasons that encourage men to behave this way, and options for resolving the situation:

Cheating on a pregnant wife

Unfortunately, some husbands begin to "walk left" during the wife's pregnancy. The main reasons for this phenomenon:

a man is afraid of responsibility and seeks consolation from other ladies;
wife refuses to have sex with her husband.

As a rule, cheating stops after the birth of a child. Wise woman during pregnancy should not make categorical decisions. You need to think about the future baby. The wife has the opportunity to develop tactics of behavior after the appearance of the child.

Don't forget about your appearance. Sometimes ladies in a position stop looking after themselves. It is necessary to show the spouse that pregnancy does not spoil, but decorates a woman. You can not abuse your position and torment your loved one with whims. Help him feel important. Let him feel like a leader and protector in the family. The birth of a baby will put everything in its place.

Typical mistakes that wives make when they discover their husband's infidelity

Many women, in a fit of first feelings, do a lot of stupid things that lead to a final break with their husband. How can you not react to the infidelity of a spouse? Consider typical mistakes committed by deceived wives:

How to live on?

If your husband cheated on you, you can not take any action in the heat of the moment. You need to calm down, try to pull yourself together and think about the current situation. Only with cold head you can decide how to live. The decision will depend on how much you want to save the marriage, whether you are ready to forgive betrayal. It is necessary to analyze the probability and degree of one's guilt in cheating on her husband.

Maybe you yourself pushed him into the arms of his mistress? If there are constant scandals in the family, there is no intimacy, the spouses are not interested in the interests of each other, then the likelihood of adultery increases. Much will depend on the behavior of the husband caught cheating. If he is ready to leave his hobby and build a new life with you, then you need to try to forgive him.

Go on vacation together. Make repairs in the apartment. Find a common cause. Perhaps you just forgot how to communicate with each other. Spending time together will help cooled feelings flare up with renewed vigor.

If the marriage still broke up, you can not give up. Life goes on, and you have every chance to find love again. Try to spend more time with friends, go to cafes, movies. If you haven't worked, then get a job. Change your hair, buy yourself new outfit. Do not self-flagellate and do not blame your ex-husband for everything. Just love yourself. Do you have children? Give them more attention. However, you should not devote your life exclusively to children. You are a person and deserve a rich personal life.

Upon learning that the beloved man has gone “to the left”, women behave differently. Someone is ready to arrange an unforgettable showdown for the lovebird, while someone prefers to remain silent and pretend that nothing happened. How not to behave when you are being cheated on? simple rules shared with AiF.ru expert on interpersonal relationships Elena Tsedova.

1. Martyrdom

Sometimes a woman takes on a kind of martyrdom. What do I mean by this: i.e. she knows about cheating, practically owns complete information(who is this woman, where and when the husband meets his mistress), but at the same time is silent. She does not say anything, thus she humiliates herself both in her eyes and in his. Even if the marriage eventually manages to be saved, then this happens with a huge moral loss on the part of the woman, and no longer about any family happiness and there can be no talk. You can't be silent. Often a woman is afraid that if you start to sort things out, especially if you give an ultimatum, your beloved will leave. But according to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start sexual relations with another woman, then out of 100 cheaters only eight leave the family! Men really don't like cardinal changes they are afraid of them. Moreover, out of the eight who left, four come back. Therefore, there is no need to experience wild fear that he will leave and never return.

Of course, if a woman begins to suspect betrayal and puts a lot of pressure on her beloved, throws tantrums and scandals, a man will want to leave not even from her, but from these scandals. Most of all, men value comfort and tranquility in the family. Do not want this, do you want to build relationships further, do you have the strength to step over a difficult stage in your life together? Then you need to behave calmly, benevolently and confidently.

According to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start of sexual relations with another woman, then only eight out of 100 cheaters leave the family! Men extremely do not like cardinal changes, they are afraid of them.

2. "Kind people"

Often, women learn about the betrayal of a loved one from “well-wishers”. In order to understand how to act in such a situation, you need to decide what you will do if it is really true. Replay the situation in your head, discarding the emotions of resentment as much as possible. Are you ready to understand and forgive betrayal? If you are ready, then all gossip and denunciations should be treated accordingly. Few people say anything? In such a situation, a woman should never express her concerns to a man, because she has made a decision that she stays. And if you stay, what difference does it make whether he had anything with a secretary or not? It is much easier to live with the thought that nothing really happened, and in time you will simply forget about this situation.

If you are not ready to forgive and stay in the family, then before blaming your loved one, be sure to clarify some points, that is, you don’t have to take the word of people who told you about treason, you only need reliable facts. The fact that, for example, someone mistook your husband's colleague for a mistress does not yet mean that he is sleeping with her, perhaps it's just flirting. Let's not forget that many women also like to flirt, but this does not lead to anything. So don't beat yourself up.

3. Meeting with a homeowner

Such meetings make absolutely no sense, especially if you want to tear out a tuft of hair to your mistress and show who is the boss in the house. Men are so arranged that they are bound to feel guilty. Oddly enough, it invigorates them. If there is a wife and a mistress, he will be especially guilty before one of them.

Feeling guilty before a mistress is the collapse of a marriage.

When his wife escorts him to work, kisses him on the nose, gives lunch, a little son who looks like him immediately runs out, blinks his eyes and says: “Daddy, I'll be waiting for you,” he feels guilty before his wife and family. When, after all this, he comes to his mistress, he will even have sex with her with a sense of guilt before his wife, and, in the end, such meetings will come to naught. But if a woman says: “Listen, where are you going? To be at home at 8, ”she gives him a negative charge. This is what a mistress needs, who, after such “gentle” instructions, will tell him affectionately: “Don’t worry, it’s okay, she just doesn’t understand you.” And if his wife also calls him to check, and the “caring and sensitive” mistress, without showing displeasure, quietly helps to open the window, as if he is driving in a traffic jam, at that moment he will begin to feel guilty already in front of her. It is this woman who helps him in everything, accepts him as he is, and therefore loves him. Feeling guilty before a mistress is the collapse of a marriage.

So, if the wife still comes and starts tearing her hair out on the lover, then at the moment when the husband arrives in Once again to her passion, she, with torn hair and sad eyes, will tell him: “Nothing, nothing, Kolenka, I understand everything, I’m a woman.” That's it, his mistress is a hero for him, she's done well. And you can forget about the hysterical wife in general.

4. Treason for treason

Such a reaction reminds me of the expression: to spite the conductor, I will buy a ticket and not go. In the pursuit of revenge, in most cases, you will only punish yourself. Cheating on a husband or loved one is always a very great tragedy because it's a betrayal. But you need to understand that when a woman leaves, for example, for a resort, in order to forget herself and start, as they say, in all serious ways, in fact, at that moment she doesn’t need sex, but to feel that someone needs her, that she also a woman, that she is sexy, that she can be loved and wanted. As you understand, a short affair will give all this for a very short time. When a woman arrives home after a vacation romance or just some dubious relationship, she will become apathetic, because she will understand that her husband left, and her lover just used her. A woman rarely, after short novels, has the feeling that she used a man for her own purposes, usually the realization comes that he used her as a toy. Therefore, there is no need to go for such an experiment, it will not help solve the problem, and perhaps only exacerbate it.

5. Forgiveness must be earned.

When you immediately forgive a man for cheating, he understands what is the main value of your life, which means that he can once again go left, and you will forgive him again. Therefore, you need to arrange a grandiose theatrical performance in order to hang guilt on the cheater, and he really deserves it. As I said, the main thing is to do it without scandals, quietly and calmly. You can roar and speak out with your mother or girlfriends, but then come and calmly say: “You know, dear, you think about it and do something for our relationship.” It is necessary to bring a loved one to the fact that he again began to seek you.

Men love to say the phrase: "Let's start all over again." So tell him: “Come on, courtship, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, but I still can’t come on a date because my mother didn’t let me go”

Men love to say the phrase: "Let's start all over again." So tell him: “Come on, courtship, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, but I still can’t come on a date because my mother didn’t let me go,” and so on. If you decide to start all over again, then you should happen again candy-bouquet period. Let the guilty spouse give gifts, win attention, kneel. But after you have forgiven him, never remember this case of betrayal again. Even in comic form: "Hee hee hee, where did you go, to Zina?" - Forget about it. You have to make a decision once. Forgiveness means that everything is from scratch, without reminders of the mistakes of the past. If you don't forgive, break up and file for divorce.