How to get out of the vicious circle? Rewrite history...

SPECIAL PROJECT

Sometimes it feels like everything has fallen on you at once. You get stuck in a traffic jam, there's a deadline at work, your child throws a tantrum, and at night you can't close your eyes because you're replaying the events of a hard day in your head. As a result, you do not get enough sleep, become irritable, and chronic fatigue appears.

The nature of the factors that cause stress - stressors - can be different: everyday, interpersonal, professional. You can't avoid stressors, but you can learn to deal with them.

Stress, I know you

The physiological response to stressors in most people is similar: it all starts with mild anxiety, then the stomach reduces, hands are shaking, sweating increases, dry mouth appears, sleep is disturbed. Such feelings are familiar to everyone.

It is generally accepted that people with an external locus of control are most susceptible to stress - those who care about the assessment of others, the praise of loved ones, the attitude of the team. People with an internal locus of control, in turn, rely only on themselves, but this does not mean at all that there is no place for stressors in their lives: strained relationships in the family, problems at school for a child, or a difficult situation at work, anyone will be unsettled.

The “risk group” also includes workaholics who are ready to work for days, not paying attention to fatigue and alarm signals organism. It turns out that no one has insurance against nervous experiences.

Meanwhile, this is one of the most dangerous states person. During severe or ongoing stress, immunity decreases, signs of aging make themselves felt prematurely, metabolism deteriorates, and stomach problems arise. prevent severe consequences ancient practices and modern means help.

Keep calm

About 5000 years ago in Ancient China A special type of healing appeared - acupuncture or acupuncture. According to the doctrine, inside each of us through channels associated with internal organs Qi energy flows. If for some reason Qi stagnates in the channels, the work of the body is disrupted. Including Qi stagnation can cause deep stress.

Tiny needles scattered all over the body special order, regulate the flow of Qi energy, adjusting the work of the body and aligning emotional condition. Today, acupuncture is used not only by adherents of Eastern culture, but also by skeptics - therapy helps them to deeply relax and leave anxiety behind the threshold, which is already a lot for the modern rhythm of life.

Among celebrities, meditation is popular, which is usually combined with yoga. However, in order to blow off steam and calm down, it is effective and how independent method. To learn how to meditate, it is not at all necessary to take the lotus position and sing "om-m-m".

Find comfortable position body, close your eyes and imagine a place where you feel good and calm. It can be a bamboo forest, an oceanfront bungalow, or a spacious field. The location is not as important as your condition - try to focus on it: what sensations do you experience, what smells are hovering around, how is the wind noisy, is your skin warm? Over time, you will notice how adversity recedes into the background, and, after finishing the session, you will feel balanced and light.

Breathing practices, in turn, act as an SOS method. It is not for nothing that when we are annoyed, they tell us: “Exhale!” At the first sign of stress, it is helpful to use abdominal breathing. To do this, put your hand on your stomach, slowly inhale and exhale through your nose, counting to 5. You should get a wave: when you inhale, the stomach first draws in, then expands rib cage, and vice versa - when exhaling. A couple of minutes - and emotions subside.

Reliable support for stress can be medications that are gentle on the body. So, natural remedy"Homeostres ® " gently soothes and reduces the manifestation of key symptoms of stress day after day, leading to normalization in emotional sphere. Celandine, licorice and viburnum are responsible for correct work gastrointestinal tract, disturbed by stress, and wrestler, belladonna and calendula restore healthy sleep.

Lozenges should be taken two or three times a day for two weeks of the course. After three days, the manifestations of stress will become less pronounced, after another week good health will recover and stress resistance will increase. Thanks to proper rest at night, you will be able to more confidently resist negative factors during the day and get out of the cycle. stressful conditions. It is important that "Homeostres ®" does not cause drowsiness, lethargy and addiction, therefore it is suitable even for children from three years old who have causes for stress can be no less than in adults.

Adversity happens to everyone, but it's up to you to learn how to relieve stress and prevent its devastating effects on health.

There are contraindications. Before use, you should consult with a specialist. Registration number: LSR-006558/09

Psychologist's answer.

Gulya, hello!
By the way, are you Gulnara? Very beautiful name.
Your question already contains the answer: The circle must be broken!
Open.
You see, just stress and worries about such a sudden departure of the closest and dearest people to you are still very, very strong. Still fresh for you. You are still up to the end and have not let go of either grandma or grandpa.
But we must remember that this will definitely be experienced: such is life! And death, unfortunately, is a part of life.
You will always love and remember your grandparents! You will love them. You will sometimes ask for their advice and they will help you: in the form of a dream, in the form of a signal or a sign, a word, something said by someone on the matter, or your own thought.
They are your guardian angels! And grandmother, apparently, is a very strong guardian angel!
But there are also those alive who are close to you. I'm sure your mom loves you! He just doesn't know how, or doesn't really know how to show it to you.
The nature of people is very different. Some people are easily given manifestations of warmth and love. And for some it is not available at all - they just consider it superfluous! Such people are not at all bad, not cruel, not callous. They just have a different psychology.
You should come up to your mother, hug her and tell her how difficult it is for you, how you want to quickly plunge into life again, how you want warmth! simple heat!
Here, Gulya, just do it! And don't expect anything in return! Do it, say it, and calmly walk away.
You will immediately feel better. Trust me.
Be sure to say "thank you" to your mom. Say it with your eyes. Say pr-kind. Again, don't expect anything in return! Don't explain, don't ask for an explanation.
Brother in the army Write to him every day! Write two letters!
When this sharp and heavy period will pass, then you will need to think about starting to change something in yourself:
- You need both girlfriends and friends! That is, you need your own communication zone. Gulya, one must learn to look at people. We must be able to listen and understand them. I'm sure there are people who might be of interest to you.
Novels, movies, etc. - This is good. But this is not enough, and sometimes it is even harmful. Imaginary lives and fake experiences. Do you understand? And you need something that will make you stronger.
- Still, you need to develop. "I'm not interested in anything" - it happens, yes. But this happens when a person feels bad. Your "bad" will pass and interest will appear. The main thing is to always be "in life", not to turn yourself off.
Keep doing yourself! Motivation is born in different ways and from different incentives! You have to keep going to the gym, learning new activities, shopping (just for fun!), attending some events, movies and theaters (if you have them)!
- Find yourself a job! Now it is quite difficult, so you will have the opportunity to focus on this. Find yourself not the first job that comes across, but choose! This will give you confidence in yourself! (Of course I'm talking about ideal. But if there are few opportunities, then go to any job, but make it PLEASANT to you)!
And talk! Talk to your mom, family and friends. You don’t need to complain endlessly, but talking about what you feel is a must!
I'm with you. Write. Good luck.

Psychologists have long introduced into their practice the concept of " comfort zone". It implies the area of ​​​​the personal living space of each of us, within which we feel more confident and secure. Of course, such an "island of safety" is often the only place where we are reliably protected from all the worries of the rest of the world.

But at the same time, it limits and inhibits the development of the individual, leads to its gradual degradation. The first signs that a person has become a prisoner of his comfort zones, are days stretching one after another, passing according to the same scenario. “Life dragged on like a swamp,” they say in such cases, referring to the hopeless life. Usually people prefer to think that this is how it should be: they are bored, but at the same time comfortable and calm.

A year, five years pass, and we get used to what initially did not like, annoyed and did not suit ... Maybe it's time to gather strength, add a pinch of courage and take a decisive step beyond the outlined circle? In youth, this is done easier, and with age, the desire to change something disappears. As the famous Coco Chanel once said, “If you want to have what you never had, start doing what you never did.”

Yes, outside the comfort zone, many surprises await us, pleasant and not very pleasant. But this is the path to something new, and it is worth starting with the main thing - awareness of the boundaries of your zone and search way out outside of it.

Action algorithm

First of all, convince yourself that development is what you need. Self-interest is the key to success. The next step is to change your attitude to the situation. Going beyond the borders comfort zones associated with something terrible and dreadful. But look at the world from a different, unfamiliar side: there are so many exciting and interesting things in it!

Do not try to act in all directions at once, choose one first. For example, you have long exhausted your capabilities in your position and position, but career advancement is not expected. You obviously stayed too long in the usual walls - change your job or occupation. Cardinal steps are sometimes capable of reviving even a talent that has long been strangled. Remember what you dreamed of doing before you settled comfortably in this job, what abilities you showed in your youth - and act! Awaken your interest in life!

Not ready for this drastic changes ? Start small. Change something in your usual way of life: make a different route to work, make repairs in the apartment, rearrange the furniture, start doing exercises in the morning, find yourself a hobby (remember, you used to like dancing, building model aircraft, learning foreign languages ​​or martial arts ?).

But you should not hope for a momentary result: the border troops of the comfort zone are desperately resisting, so you will have to make a lot of efforts to destroy the "historically established" borders. Perhaps at first you will feel discomfort not only on the mental, but also on the physical level. To finally conclude new habit, repeat the actions that form it, persistently and regularly. Pull yourself together and bring what you started to the end, or rather, until the moment when the innovation enters your expanded comfort zone.

From managers to chefs

Here are ways to get out of your comfortable dungeon faster.

Learn new things.

Sign up for courses in hairdressing, confectioners or foreign languages. With any training, you have to apply the trial and error method, that is, automatically violate the boundaries comfort zones. If you want to be successful, study constantly without any fear of losing interest, because the world is too big to comprehend in one lifetime.

Visit "hard-to-reach" places, meet people

For example, you dream of a car or a fur coat, but bypass car dealerships and expensive stores because you feel embarrassed due to the lack of the required amount. Put aside your fears and go in, ask the price, feel able to buy the thing you want - change your behavior.

Success will never come to those who are afraid of their dreams. The same goes for relationships: look for meetings with those who you would never have spoken to before due to some kind of convention or embarrassment. Do not be afraid of new acquaintances, including among those who are higher than you in social status.

Ask and ask

Consciously put yourself in an uncomfortable position. When you get information that interests you, ask others for help if you need it. Nothing will happen, if you are denied it, you will not lose anything. Much more often you will receive a comprehensive answer and support.

try to take non-standard solutions and you will see how many new and interesting things will open up for you. Convince yourself that as soon as the feeling of novelty leaves life, old age immediately creeps up. Does anyone want to get old?

A sense of humor: can it be developed?
Any of us dreams of living our lives happily, dreams of laughing and rejoicing, ...

Restore the energy of the manipura chakra
We restore the energy of the manipura chakra. In the course of life, we often encounter various kinds of ...

How to win over a person
Probably, every person at least once in his life thought about how to win over a person ...

How to improve memory with associations
What helps improve memory? Associations are the basis of memory. People use them during...

Fall asleep in one minute - das ist fantastic
How to fall asleep in 1 minute? Many people are constantly unable to fall asleep until late at night. Organ...

How to get rid of junk in the head and improve brain performance
IN Lately the pace of life increased dramatically. That is why many people need to work...

Abstract

Chapter I. Do we want to change something?

Chapter II. Do we have the opportunity?

Chapter III. Can I?

Conclusion

Alexander Bukhtiyarov

HOW TO BREAK OUT OF THE CIRCLE

Real opportunities to change lives for the better

BBK 88.49 B94

Bukhtiyarov A.

B94 How to break out of the vicious circle. Ed. 3rd, revised. and additional - Kharkov: Valentin Kovaleva Publishing House, 2009. - 72 p.

ISBN 966-8255-67-4

ISBN 978-966-8255-98-4.

Now is a very peculiar time. Store shelves have been empty for a long time. They have EVERYTHING. Acquire nice clothes any person can. Not only those whose husband or father "floats". Opportunity to travel abroad and see beautiful places on the planet has long been no longer the prerogative of party workers. It is available to everyone. In theory. You can do whatever you want to do. It would seem that not life, but simply paradise. However, not everyone can afford all this. The reason is simple: money. More precisely, their lack.

ISBN 966-8255-67-4 ISBN 978-966-8255-98-4

This book is dedicated to all who continue to strive to become stronger, richer, smarter, kinder, and deeper. - and helps others to do so. Despite the difficulties in personal life, temporary loneliness, professional and financial difficulties. Despite creative stagnation, self-doubt, and any kind of failure. This book is dedicated to everyone who never gives up!

DESPITE EVERYTHING!

Chapter I. Do we want to change something?

“... We have already played this half,

And they only understood one thing:

So that you are not lost on earth -

Try not to lose yourself!”

from a song by Alexander Gradsky

How many times has it happened that we lie in the evening under the TV and watch a movie in which main character, having overcome difficulties, doubts and self-doubt, achieves incredible changes in his life, becoming rich, happy and respected. Having overcome suffering, emptiness and depression, despite the fact that someone underestimates him and does not believe in his abilities, he achieves his goals. Quite often, such films end with him (the main character) going on a trip on a white ship (or his own yacht), experiencing well-deserved satisfaction that he could do it.

We lie on the couch, watch the finale, and a lump rolls up in the throat (of course, we make every necessary effort so that no one notices this). And in my head I thought: “Damn it! How well he turned out! I would like too ... Cars, yachts, travel ... Respect, love, confidence in tomorrow and the well-being of children... I would like too... Getting rid of tedious problems, victories, achievements, a sense of joy and inner peace... An interesting, eventful life, recognition... I would like my own "happy ending"...

Then we fall asleep. We wake up in the morning, and ... everything starts all over again. We are back on our way in our vicious circle.

Many people spend most of their lives in a vicious circle. A vicious circle is when the word “NECESSARY” is the first thing that comes into our consciousness in the morning. SHOULD - but do not want to. I don't want to, but I SHOULD. We have to go to work, but we don’t want to, because work does not bring us satisfaction. I need to send the boots in for repair, but I don’t want to, because it doesn’t give any pleasure to continue wearing them. It is necessary to clean the apartment, but there is no particular desire, because the situation has not been updated for a long time, and the degree of coziness and comfort does not contribute to the appearance of motivation to do something in this apartment.

A vicious circle is when we do not live the way we would like. If we chronically lack something that is important and necessary for us. If we are dissatisfied with the way we live, and yet, month after month, year after year, things remain the same. When our life passes as if in a fog. One day is similar to another, and we are painfully missing something extraordinary, new, some significant events and positive changes. When such wonderful holidays how birthday and New Year cease to please. Because these dates, like milestones, remind us that ANOTHER YEAR has passed, and again nothing in our life in better side hasn't changed.

Five key points, the long-term absence or lack of which indicates to us that we are in a vicious circle - these are money, time, recognition, improvement and self-realization. Moreover, without “understanding” the first two, it is very difficult to make up for the lack of the rest.

The concept of lack of money is very relative. Some people do not have enough for the most necessary things, and others for the purchase of an island in the Pacific Ocean. The case when financial income is not enough to meet basic human needs is, unfortunately, the most common, and certainly the most offensive. He looks painfully familiar. If instead of living a bright, full life, instead of getting moral, creative and material satisfaction from your activities, instead of giving joy to your children, you have to work from morning to evening so that the family does NOT starve. So that the family is NOT undressed. To NOT turn off gas, electricity, telephone. All this is more like not life, but survival.

Lack of time is also not uncommon, and money shortage often goes hand in hand. There is no time to relax with family, chat with friends, read a book. I'm not talking about the fact that sometimes you have to give up doing what you love because of the lack of both time and money. Every single day, either ND (no money) or NV (no time). The child asks to buy him a mobile phone - ND. Go on a picnic - NV. Go to a concert of your favorite "star" - NDNV. Interestingly, the reason for the lack of time, as a rule, is that all of it is spent on earning "small" money. Money, which is only enough to NOT starve, NOT to be naked, and a few more "NOTs".

Rebellious thoughts periodically arise: “What kind of life is this! How long can you endure this?!” But time passes (which is not enough), and there is an addiction to this state of affairs. DANGEROUS ADDITION. Watching TV shows about travel and exotic countries, we stop WANTING to go there. Less and less we go to expensive stores. We begin to look at beautiful cars “in a pedestrian way” (they say that they got divorced, there is nowhere to go). It's a shame that a lot of people agree "with what is" when the range of what can be purchased for money becomes simply limitless! When new ones open almost every day travel agencies! When you can buy the most unthinkable things in the "For Home" stores that can improve and decorate our life, diversity household appliances is simply amazing, and cars are gradually ceasing to be a luxury! Who is this for? After all, just think, having an income of just over $1000 per month, literally within a year you can get rid of the burden of "financial tails" (if they are not very large) and take a car on credit; start saving every month, an amount sufficient to spend time with family abroad once a year; eat and dress quite well, and every two or three months, acquire something that will increase the pleasure of being in your home (for example, a food processor, microwave, vacuum cleaner, etc.).

Cyclic behavior is familiar to most of us. Have you ever felt like you spend most of your life having the same conversations (frustrated, meaningless and destructive) about the same things with the same people? Have you made and broken the same promises to yourself and to others? Have you set but not achieved the same goals? Have you tried to deal with the same problems, habits and destructive patterns and behaviors, and as a result returned to the point where you started or even worse? Have you lost weight and then gained it back? Have you been thrown from an upswing into a depression?

If you say "Yes" to any of the above, then you qualified specialist Cyclic Behavior. Now I must explain why I came up with such a term and its definition.

If you have the experience of doing the same things in the same way only to be sure that you get the same undesirable result, then you are not just an expert, but a professional. Perhaps now is the time to get out of this vicious circle where you constantly return to the point where you started. Or, as often happens, even further than the starting line.

The truth is that while most of us know what we should be doing and why, we often work hard to turn the theory of change into a practice in which there are many experts in the theory, but no successful examples of implementation in real life. However, this is the key definition of this lesson: lifelong transformation. Constantly. Forever.

Temporary change is not what we want, but it is what most of us do. Think about what you have achieved in life and then what you have not achieved along the way. You are not alone in this. We all do it, but the question is: how to stop doing it?

Many of us have been on our way to the abyss of doing the same thing. for a long time when we crossed our fingers and hoped for luck, subconsciously expecting to fail, because we have done this many times before. If at one level we expect to fail, then:

1. Most likely it will happen.

2. We won't be hurt as much when this happens because we lowered our expectations of ourselves and were emotionally prepared for it.

How to break out of the vicious circle of Circular Behavior?

Do it differently

Yes, use different approaches. The obvious is not always universal. We love clarity and predictability. Unfortunately, this is not what will give you height. The number of people who continue to do the same thing is growing, although the hopes for a different result are overwhelming.

Like begets like. Certainly. I know a lot of people who have the same arguments for the same people on the same issues year after year...and then wonder why that person or that situation never changes. Maybe 10 years of screams, tears, disappointments and clashes with this person is a signal for something? Call me crazy. Yes, children, it's true - if you don't change anything, nothing will change.

take risks

Security does not lead to miraculous transformations. Security leads to underachievement, frustration and cyclical behavior. Risk is not recklessness, it means being courageous and doing what you don’t want at all in order to get to where the majority will never reach.

Leave comfort

Commitment to comfort is indisputably the path through a vicious circle of cyclical behavior. If you are in a comfortable state, you will invariably do what is easier, not what works.

De-emotionalize the process

When our emotions rule us, we always make the worst choices, take a counter-productive stance, and react in the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with being a little strategist, logician and practical when it comes to planning and creating better life for myself. In fact, it is simply necessary.

Start with yourself

The only person you can change is you. Why not start with this? Stop wasting time and energy trying to change other people, because inevitably the result will be the same - disappointment (for you) and outrage (for them). Consciously and without emotion, identify and acknowledge what and how you need to change. Everyone has flaws, even you, and that's okay. Now that we've cleared this up for ourselves, let's get down to business.

Be realistic and practical

It amazes me how many people are constantly waiting for something to discipline them. This is a great stupidity and delusion. Life doesn't get better, we get better. Receipt best results in our life is our handiwork. Success doesn't come unexpectedly. We design, build it and live in it. Or not.

Define your triggers

Identify the things that invariably throw you back over the starting line. For example: it would be best idea for an alcoholic, surround yourself with booze and drunks. It is obvious. Once we have identified what usually pulls us back (which will require some humility and honesty), we can then begin to plan and act accordingly.

Finish what you started

A total and non-negotiable commitment marks the end of what we started, whatever that may be. Why are you always protecting and worrying about your children? Why don't you just do it when the desire arises? Or when you are not very busy? Or tired? Because your commitment to this "work" is total and non-negotiable, that's why.

There are default settings (rules, beliefs, values, standards) in your central computer that tell you to take care of children in a certain way and that is not discussed. Therefore, the results that you get with your children are linear, not cyclical. It is that they grow, learn, adapt, evolve and move forward.

Many of us have work in progress and projects in many areas of our lives. Full commitment means persevering even when the path is not easy or enjoyable. Even when New Year, and you feel that you can afford to relax and consume a few thousand calories that are completely unnecessary for you. (For example)

So, now that you've read this, understood and agreed with it, a legitimate question... What are you going to do about it?