Late child: problems and solutions. Is a late baby good or bad?

A quarter of a century ago, most of the students at the end of the institute became mothers, and now they want to first “walk”, then “how to get settled in life”, “take place professionally” ... And when a woman matures to the desire to have a child, she is often well over thirty .

It would seem, live and rejoice. A late baby is almost always welcome. All conditions are created for him, the best is given to him. Mom no longer wants to run away from the baby to the theater or to her girlfriend in the evening, she bathes in motherhood. Even the word “I” disappears from her vocabulary, being replaced by the pronoun “we”: “We are already holding our heads ...”, “It’s time for us to get vaccinated ...”

However, child psychiatrists believe that later children are often vulnerable both physically and mentally, and especially psychosocially, since late-birth mothers often experience pathologies of pregnancy and childbirth, which affects the health of babies.

Late children are more prone to all sorts of disorders: endocrine, allergic, psychosomatic.

With a late child, it is difficult to avoid the so-called overprotection, which gives rise to infantilism and children's fears. As a result, the already unstable psyche of the child is shaken even more.

No one to play with

Late children often have no one to play with, because many of them are non-Sadovsky for health reasons, and friends of their parents have children much older and not good for friends. It is easier for a mother to read a book to a child than to roll cars with him on the floor for hours. She is more willing (and this is quite understandable!) to teach him English words than climb under the table, depicting a hare hiding in a mink from a fox. Therefore, in the upbringing of late children, a tilt towards intellectual development is so noticeable. But they combine intellectual adulthood with social immaturity, and “under-acting” in childhood is fraught with an unexpected outburst of infantilism, an unexpected interest in the game at an age when it is time to live not just for fun, but in earnest.

Winter of our anxiety

At the age of 5-6, almost all children begin to think about death. But parents are usually not very worried, because they are still young. It's harder for older kids. They are already prone to anxious expectations, but there are very real grounds for anxiety. They often have no other rear than their parents, and the fear of losing them is very strong.

The anxiety of late children is also increased by the anxiety of their parents. Having received a long-awaited child in his declining years, elderly mothers and fathers, of course, are very worried about his life and health. And children, like antennas, capture the mood of adults.

In a big family

In large families, where, of course, a late child can also be born, the situation is different. The birth of the mother, as a rule, proceeds normally, without injuries and complications. Parents have a wealth of experience, grown older children (of course, with proper upbringing) become reliable assistants mother and babysitters. Last in big family reach out for the elders and quickly acquire social and everyday skills, like a fish in water, feel themselves in a different age children's team. This greatly facilitates their life, including school, because a significant part of the problems school maladaptation engendered by the psychological difficulties of the child.

Late children in large families do not suffer from loneliness. A large family clan, older brothers and sisters are a reliable rear for them. Yes, and parents are calmer when they understand that in which case there is someone to take care of their youngest.

However, in any case, a child is a great happiness. And let it be with the most different people: both young and not so much anymore ...

Among the great people there were many late children from large families. The great Russian scientist Dmitry Mendeleev was the fourteenth child in the family. Spanish classic Miguel de Cervantes is fourth, writer Anton Chekhov is third. Prince Daniil of Moscow, to whom Moscow owes its rise, is named in the annals as the fourth of the sons (hence, there were also daughters in the family).

Personal opinion

Julia Mikhalkova:

The opinion that late children have a lot of problems, since their parents often spoil them, in my opinion, is still a delusion. I will agree only with the fact that such children are the most long-awaited. But, in my opinion, this is not a reason to love a child more or less. parental love- the value is constant.

Every year the percentage of the appearance of "late" children increases. According to statistics, over the past 5 years, the number of first-born women over 35 years old, who were incorrectly called "old-bearing" in the Soviet Union, has doubled.

After 35-40 years, many show business stars became mothers for the first time: Jodie Foster, Monica Bellucci, Halle Berry, Salma Hayek, Eva Mendes, Naomi Watts and others. These star moms set an example for millions ordinary women, which does not please physicians. Now ladies increasingly prefer to build a career first, and postpone the birth of their first baby indefinitely.

genius children

The main reason for such a late birth is material stability, which can be achieved only in mature years, - does not satisfy doctors at all. Official medicine believes that it is best to give birth in more young age, about 22-28 years old. Then the mother is healthier, and the child is born strong, without genetic abnormalities.

Contrary to this, there is an opinion that late children are more likely to become successful personalities or even geniuses than their peers with young parents. There are plenty of examples. Later children were Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Marshal of the Soviet Union Zhukov, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and many other talented people.

This conventional wisdom about late genius children was confirmed by British researchers. A group of scientists from Birkbeck College London and University College checked the data of several thousand "late" and "early" babies. The results of the study were presented at the Pediatrics Conference in Glasgow in May 2012.

The British have practically proved that in children, born by mothers after 40, higher level intellectual development. By the age of five, such babies in the vast majority of cases have more high rate IQ than their peers born to young mothers. The "late" children are wider lexicon, they read better, think logically and are even less likely to suffer from obesity.

Reasons for the birth of talented children

The reasons for such a rapid early development quite understandable and even predictable. There is no mystery in them. Adult mothers are more conscientious about their maternal responsibilities, starting with prenatal development fetus. They do not smoke, eat healthy food, save their nerves and give the maximum benefit to their future heir. A child is a real treasure for such mothers, long-awaited and carefully cherished.

After his birth, forty-year-old mothers also make every effort to ensure that the baby develops harmoniously and succeeds in many areas. This is the reason why "late" children are so smart, talkative and well-read. Enhanced care more than covers possible risks the birth of a child in late age(For example, high danger baby with Down syndrome).

Young mothers, due to their lack of experience, and often the proper desire to have a child, do not give their offspring even half of what those very “old-bearing” mothers give their long-awaited heirs. Child psychologists believe that due to such great care and consciousness of adult women, their children are also more robust. mental health. They are calmer and better adapted to life than ordinary kids.

And fashion is set by celebrities. Monica Bellucci gave birth to the first daughter at 39, the second - at 45, Nicole Kidman- at 40, and Halle Berry, Salma Hayek, Kim Basinger became mothers of daughters at 41. Ours are not far behind. Actress Marina Mogilevskaya gave birth to a daughter at 41, Svetlana Permyakova- at 40, TV presenter Olga Shelest became a mother at 36 Olga Drozdova- at 42 years old.

And along with the increase in the age of parents, there is more and more research evidence that late delivery have a lot of advantages. American researchers claim that women who gave birth for the first time after 25 years, more often than their peers who became mothers under 25, live to 90. In another study, the Swedes found that children from older parents study better at school, and the British even assure that first-borns, born to a mother after 40 years of age have a higher IQ level, they have a richer vocabulary, they read better and are even less likely to suffer from obesity. In a word, late children are more likely to be talented and successful in all areas of life. And there are many examples in history. Late children were Mozart, Chaikovsky, Marshal Zhukov and others.

But is there really a direct relationship between the age of the parents and the success of the child? Or is it just an attempt to justify selfish behavior modern women(and, apparently, there are quite a few of them among the same research scientists) who want to live for themselves, build a career, gain prosperity, and only then think about having children?

“A clear trend in modern society is an increase in the duration of adolescence to 20 years,” argues senior Researcher Institute of Social Sciences RANEPA Kirill Khlomov. - A rare student now works in parallel to live independently. Most are supported by their parents. With the end of school there is no growing up, no separation from parental family. And this leads to the fact that the next stages of growing up, such as starting a family, a child, are also pushed back. About 10-15 years ago, young people believed that marriage should be at the age of 19-20. Now, according to opinion polls, men believe ideal age for marriage 27 years and women 23 years. In reality, they get married and get married (on average) at 28 and 26 years old, respectively. Moreover, even having formed a family, they are in no hurry to have children. They wait up to 30 years. There are many reasons. For example, an increase in the number of young families who take out a mortgage. At the same time, older parents, having gained a stable income, have more opportunities to develop a child, take them to the best teachers, sport sections to send to a good school.

That is talent. late kids are due not to the age of the parents, but to increased care for the long-awaited and carefully planned heir.

Average is not given

“Success is a combination of a large number of circumstances,” says Kirill Khlomov. - This is not something that can be planned and controlled. I know families where women gave birth to sons at the age of 30, one became successful, the other has been without work for many years, has mental illness. There are pros and cons to early and late parenthood. It is obvious that games with children are easier for young parents, they have more courage for any "pampering". As we age, we often become more irritable. In young parents, the noise, screams and excitement of the child can cause rather desire join in the fun. Again, in a young family, the child is immersed in social activity - funny companies, meetings. Children of older parents adapt faster in traditional schools - they have better self-regulation associated with the ability to concentrate, keep silence and discipline. The same is true of children who are given to be raised by their grandparents. Another nuance is that young parents are not so afraid for their children. They have less experience"beaten by life", mental trauma and disappointment. Children in this case can perceive themselves as stronger, stronger and more dexterous. Among successful athletes, most likely, there are significantly fewer late children. Children of older parents perceive the world as more dangerous and themselves more fragile. That, however, does not prevent both adolescence swap places. Out of protest and unrealized accumulated passion.

Finally, after 40, the first child usually remains the only one. And when there is only one heir, then there are more expectations from him. So there's nothing terrible about late parenting, and yet it doesn't guarantee anything great."

However, doctors, for the most part, do not support the desire of women to give birth only after they have risen to their feet.

Reserves are not unlimited

"Precious cells, of which in the body future mother develops new life, nature gives women unequally, - says obstetrician-gynecologist with 30 years of experience Irina Torganova. - On average, by puberty there are 250 thousand eggs, but one may have 20 thousand, and the other 500 thousand. The reserve of eggs decreases especially rapidly after 35 years. By 40, they may not remain at all. And, if the reserves by nature are small, the birth of children cannot be postponed. After the age of 35, the risk of hereditary diseases in the unborn child increases. Yes, there are women who carry healthy children at 45. But such units! Most at this age do not give birth without the help of expensive medicine.

It would seem, live and rejoice. late baby almost always welcome. All conditions are created for him, the best is given to him. Mom no longer wants to run away from the baby to the theater or to her girlfriend in the evening, she bathes in motherhood. Even the pronoun “I” disappears from her lexicon, being replaced by the pronoun “we”: “We are already holding our heads well ... we are tormented by gaziki in the evenings ... we have to get vaccinated tomorrow ...”
However, child psychiatrists are highly critical. “Late children are a risk group,” says Professor Kozlovskaya. “They are very vulnerable both physically and mentally, and especially psychosocially. late pregnancy often proceeds severely, with fetal hypoxia, with entanglement of the umbilical cord.
A woman usually cannot give birth on her own, she is given a caesarean section. And if she still gives birth on her own, these are difficult births. All this, of course, affects the health of babies. Late children are more prone to all sorts of disorders: endocrine, allergic, psychosomatic. In the first year of life, they are almost completely painful.
Your grandmother is here!
I hated kindergarten,” recalls nineteen-year-old Nina. “But not because I had to sleep there during the day or because I was offended there. No, I had more fun in the garden with the children than at home. But every evening I longingly waited for the guys to cry: “Nina, your grandmother came for you!” I did not dare to tell them that this is not a grandmother, but a mother.
I was afraid of ridicule, and every time it was a serious injury for me ... "

But it's still half the trouble. After all, you never know what injections of self-esteem children have to endure! Some are traumatized by their fullness, others by the need to wear glasses with sealed glass to correct strabismus, still others by clumsiness, and fourth by poor school performance. All of us have faced ridicule and fear in childhood.

Here, something else is more dangerous: the fact that the “late” mother is not only physically, but also psychologically closer not to her mother, but to her grandmother.

Youth is characterized by recklessness. When I remember how my husband and I traveled along the Caucasian serpentine in forty-degree heat, and on back seat passenger car sleeping, having drunk, our two-year-old son, it becomes creepy for me. But we, overwhelmed by the excitement of youth, seemed invulnerable to ourselves.

A few years later, having become a little wiser and settled down, I already treated my little daughter in a completely different way, much more carefully. And having given birth to a third child at the age of thirty-four, in general, up to two years, I tried to transport him as little as possible even around Moscow, because I was afraid of infections and noticed that the baby was nervous about the noise of traffic, the abundance of new faces ...

With a late child, it is very difficult to avoid the so-called overprotection. Especially if he is the only one who has suffered through suffering, and even does not have enviable health. And overprotection breeds infantilism and children's fears. As a result, the already unstable psyche of the child is shaken even more. The world seems to him aggressive, full of dangers.
Such an attitude prevents children from communicating normally, and serves as a breeding ground for the development of neuroses. In adolescence, when pride and the desire to assert oneself come to the fore, this often turns into a desperate rebellion. “As if he broke loose from the chain, did not want to listen to anything, went into all serious trouble” - these are the typical complaints of confused parents who do not understand what happened to their recently so dependent child.

Where can I find a playmate?
Young parents still have a lot of children in themselves. On the one hand, this is a minus, since adults sometimes stand on the same level as a child. dad playing with son Board games as with an adult partner and does not want to give in to anything, the mother is seriously offended by her daughter as a girlfriend. But on the other hand, it is usually easier for them to play with a child, and to run, and jump, and fight. They have not yet forgotten themselves in childhood, and they don’t stab in the side, their heart doesn’t grab.

Late children also find themselves in a disadvantageous position here. They often have no one to play with, no one to mess around with.

Most of them are “non-Sadovsky” for health reasons, and the children of their parents’ friends are much older and are not suitable for friends. It is easier for a mother to read a book to a child than to roll cars on the floor for hours. She is more willing (and this is quite understandable!) to teach him English words than to crawl under the table, depicting a hare hiding in a mink from a fox.

Therefore, in the upbringing of late children, the tilt in the intellectual direction is so noticeable. Most often they grow up early, are judicious beyond their years. But they combine intellectual maturity with social immaturity. And “underplaying” in childhood is fraught with an unexpected outburst of infantilism and an unsatisfied thirst for play at an age when, in fact, it’s time to start living not for fun, but in earnest.

From anxiety to irritability

At the age of five or six, almost all children begin to think about death. But parents are usually not very worried, because they are still young, full of vitality.

For older children, this is more difficult. They are already prone to anxious expectations, but there are very real grounds for anxiety. Deprived of the society of peers, having no brothers and sisters (and often grandparents!) The child feels lonely. He has no other rear, except for his parents, and the fear of losing them is very strong.

The anxiety of late children is also increased by the anxiety of their parents. Having received a long-awaited child in his declining years, they, of course, are very worried about his life and health. And children, like antennas, pick up the mood of adults, and their own fears are magnified many times when disturbing waves come from their parents.

Anxiety, uncertainty, fear give rise to irritability. A person is worried, cannot cope with himself, and splashes out his irritation on those whom he is not afraid of - usually on those closest to him. "Late" mothers feel insecure in the pedagogical field. On the one hand, they do not have parental experience, and on the other hand, self-criticism is already very developed. They want to give their child everything to the maximum, they experience their pedagogical mistakes much more acutely than young parents, more often suffer from a sense of their own inadequacy.

Striving for perfection, they often make high demands on the child, compare it with other children. They often lack patience - everything seems that they will not be in time, there is little time left, the years are passing, they must have time to invest as much as possible in the child.

And late children, as already mentioned, are nervous, they often have attention deficit disorder, fatigue, excitability, disinhibition. with them and professional teacher does not always cope, not like an inexperienced mother.

Then the mother buys a mountain of psychological and pedagogical literature, begins to follow the advice of specialists. But the advice in different books is different, some clear line cannot be followed, and therefore the result is zero. The mother is even more nervous, begins to break down.
And who is always there? Who is the closest and most defenseless? Of course, baby. The circle closes. The dearest and most beloved, the one for whom she is ready to sacrifice everything in the world, is under attack. And figuratively, and sometimes in the literal sense of the word.

Everything mentioned above mainly applies to only children. In families with many children, where, of course, a late child can also be born, the situation is fundamentally different. Childbirth, as a rule, proceeds normally, without injuries and complications. Mom has the richest parenting experience, grown up older children become reliable assistants and nannies of the baby.

Later children are drawn to the older ones and acquire social and everyday skills much faster than others, like a fish in water they feel in a group of children of different ages. This greatly facilitates their life, including school life, because a significant part of the problems of school maladjustment is generated by the psychological difficulties of the child.

Late children in large families do not suffer from loneliness. A large family clan, older brothers and sisters are a reliable rear for them. Yes, and parents are calmer when they understand that in case something happens about them little son or the daughter has someone to take care of.

All this creates much more favorable conditions for the mental and intellectual development of the child. Maybe that's why there are not so many first-born among great people? So, the great Russian scientist Dmitry Mendeleev was the fourteenth child in the family. The German composer Ludwig van Beethoven is the seventh.

Spanish classic Cervantes - fourth, Chekhov - third. Prince Daniil of Moscow, to whom Moscow owes its rise, is named in the annals as the fourth of the sons (hence, there were also daughters in the family). An outstanding woman of the Catherine era, Princess Dashkova was born fourth. By the way, our current President Vladimir Putin is a late child. And not a firstborn either.

What do we tell our children and what do we really communicate?
The last time I spend great attention what I say to my daughter. It is also striking that she hears from others. And after sitting for a couple of hours in the locker room of the kindergarten and listening to the communication between teachers and children, I realized that this was a severe test for my nerves. And the reason is not that educators say something terrible.

The reason is that they do not think about what they are really telling children, what subtext their words contain. To be fair, I would like to say that kindergarten people say the same things that they heard in childhood, what their mothers told them, what today's mothers say to their babies ... In general, the most typical and common phrases. And what is behind them?

. "Carefully!" - the lagging mother shouts after the running toddler. "The world around you is full of danger!" the child hears. And everything would be fine, but only if you live, fearing everything around, then life turns into survival.

. "Why are you squealing so loudly? Do you want my ears to hurt??? - the statement of the teacher in kindergarten. Its meaning boils down to the following: "Do not show your joy, it makes me feel bad."

. "Calm down! Do not Cry!" We comfort our children. And by this we let them know that their offense, sadness or pain must be carefully hidden from others, driving all their sorrows into the farthest corners of the soul.

. "Do not Cry! You're stopping me from reading a book!" - said the teacher of my daughter, suffering from the fact that her mother leaves her alone and goes to the store. And thus she made her understand that the adult aunt has nothing to do with either herself or her experiences. Much more important in this moment there was a book.

. "Don't run so fast! Don't climb so high! Do not shout so loud!" - We are hurting our children. And along with these words, the thought enters their consciousness: “Do not live 100%, restrain yourself and do not take risks.”

. “Don’t whine and don’t ask! All the same, I won’t give (I won’t buy). And the child gets used to the fact that in this life it is useless to ask and want something. As a result, an adult does not know what he wants and what he strives for.

A friend of mine told me that in their company, all newcomers are offered to write 100 of their desires (tangible, intangible - it doesn’t matter). This is done to motivate the staff (a person knows what he wants and how he can achieve this with the help of his work). I really liked the idea, I also decided to fix my desires on paper (it seemed to me that I wanted so many things ...).
The first five “dreams” went well, then worse. As a result, I "scraped" about 20 wishes. And when I thought about why I need all this and whether I need it at all, it turned out that one or two desires are really important for me.

When, in response to another request from my daughter, half-jokingly, half-seriously, I asked her: “Do you need anything else?” Immediately I heard: “It is necessary! I also want this flower. I also want to stick a leaf in a pipe. I also want candy. I also want to swing on the swing ... " little man he wants everything, and this is one of his fundamental differences from an adult.

. "How much can you dig? Let me zip up your jacket myself.” And then we cut the child’s wings, because the subtext of this phrase is: “Anyway, you won’t succeed, it’s better that I do it instead of you right away.” Will the child continue to want to learn how to fasten buttons (lace up shoelaces, brush teeth, etc.)?

Great. It turned out that we were all talking wrong. How, then, to communicate with a child, if not a phrase - then terrible consequences? On the one hand, everything is simple. On the other hand, everything is difficult. The simplicity is this: you just have to watch what you say.

The difficulty is that tracking is akin to learning foreign language: to tell the child what you REALLY want to convey to him, you need to

1. Recognize what kind of message we have ready to break from the tongue;

2. Translate it into what we really want and feel;
3. Say it in a new way.

For example, a baby climbs high on wall bars. The first thing I want to say:

"Carefully! Don't climb so high!"

But in fact, we do not want to say this at all (see above). In fact, we are just scared for our little one. Therefore, in such situations, I began to say this: “You climb up so well, but I’m scared to look at you from below. Can I stand next to you?"

As a rule, the daughter happily agrees to my presence and further clarifies: “Aren't you scared? And so? At the same time, she feels terribly brave.

Option with crying (or with joy). In general, in all situations where feelings are present, the first step should be to acknowledge those feelings. After all, everyone has the right to be angry, happy or hurt. And every person enjoys this right.

So instead of saying: “Why are you crying? What's the matter?" it’s better to say: “I see you are very upset. Would you like to tell me the reason?"

Or if the baby is squealing with joy and you have a headache, you can say, “It's great that you're having so much fun! But you know, I don't feel very well. Maybe you will rejoice in another room or here, but quieter? Continuation

First, we need to start with the fact that late children are our answer to a "child-centered" culture. A culture where it is customary to sacrifice everything for the sake of a child, where children are the flowers of life, everything the best for children etc. As a result, parents, having given birth to a child, become either attendants for their child, or a “free application”, but in any case they go into the shadows, lose their legitimate significance as individuals, etc. It is also customary in our culture, in connection with the birth of a child, to “put an end to yourself” or to bring oneself as a “sacrifice”. And those who successfully did all these, so to speak, actions - became good parents, respected and revered in society. And those who could not overcome themselves and become a good mother or father - went with a colossal unrequited sense of guilt and condemnation of society, and even resentment from their own children. There were of course other options, but none as common as these two. And even those who really were good parent for their children - they are always in the background tension and guilt - but did I do everything I could and should have / should have? What if not all? But surely he could have done more. I could sleep even less, eat, take care of myself - and devote all this time to children. Dedicate yourself to your children. Leaving nothing for yourself.

As a result, we get an adult incompetent personality, also weighed down by a sense of guilt and shame. A cross was put on a career and self-realization. And if not, then it was pathetically designated as "in the name of children and their well-being." And God forbid, a woman would prefer maternal realization - personal. A shame! Incomplete woman! Yes, she needs treatment!

What is the ambush. The orders of the family system and hierarchy are violated. Most of the able-bodied mature personalities are being lost. Most of the population sits down on a sense of guilt and inferiority. Children grow up either as egoists (ego-centered individuals), or, according to the principle of complementarity, they sit down on a feeling of resentment and fall into a bunch of guilt and duty. How can they pay for a sacrifice the size of two adults, which, by the way, they have not ordered yet? Nothing. Bad for everyone. Parents have already donated and put an end to themselves, the children were forced to accept an unpaid sacrifice, and now they are struggling with what to do with it. ..

But this is the preamble

What is happening now? couples began to give birth to children much later. After 30, or even closer to 40. Doctors are faced with the fact that the myth that late children are all sick has been dispelled. It turns out now and at 40 they give birth to healthy and full-fledged kids. Officially, the age of the so-called "old-term" women has been moved from 26 to 35.

What happens with psychological point vision. That same generation of egocentric personalities has grown up, in our opinion - egoists. And he decided that, well, what the heck - put an end to himself, devote all of himself to children. Somehow I want to live for myself. Here they live. Up to 35 - 40 years old. By this time, the majority are already mature, and most importantly, self-actualized people. And then even the appearance of a child is unlikely to lead them astray. IN last resort a woman will slow down for a couple of years, and then she will easily return “to the ranks” again. Because this is already an established path of an established personality.

And then the children get conscious, mature, adults who have already become adults - parents. This is where this direction arose, this term - “conscious parenting”.

And then the children most often receive a stable external situation, a large number of opportunities that open up before them due to the wealth and maturity of their parents. Often such children are already definitely desired (rarely at this age they fly by chance) - these are already considered timely children. Parents are no longer torn between the desire to build a career and the need to raise children. Most of the time, these issues can be easily resolved. Yes, and a career in many respects has already been built and is moving along well-trodden rails. The institutes are finished, the specialty is obtained and the experience is accumulated. Children have before their eyes a living example of a mature, established personality, which they read from the cradle. Rarely occur everyday problems. Parents before giving birth to a child read literature, go to courses - collect information about the correct and competent approach and child care. They are morally ready and they no longer need to sacrifice something so desperately important for the sake of the child. This is a conscious, thoughtful step. This makes it much easier for children - you don’t have to pay anything. There is no need to helplessly look at a mother torn between duty and desires - after all, the child cannot help her in any way. The significance of such a child for parents is greatly increasing - after all, they planned it, expected it, they have all the possibilities and, most importantly, the desire to raise it, to be its Parents. They do not need to assert themselves at the expense of children - they have already done this on their own, each in their own field. Children in such families are often also self-sufficient, self-confident, holistic and harmonious. Surprisingly, it has been observed that they mature faster than their peers born in early marriage, and develop faster. Learn easier, more fun and faster

Are there any downsides. Yes, I have. There are several. One of them is a big generation gap. Mutual understanding with such a gap becomes more difficult. And even on social level. Plus, parents already don’t remember well what it was like to be a child and can be overly demanding and serious. Although not required. For older parents, it is a little more difficult to physically bear and raise children, as well as care for them in early age. And no matter how sad it is, but they leave the life of their descendants earlier. Just due to age. This is a separate topic worthy of existential analysis. Plus, the children of such parents often become what is called a “narcissistic continuation” of their parents. They have a lot of hopes and expectations from their parents. Much is given to them, but much is asked of them. Again, the pros turn around sometimes and reverse side. Due to awareness and intentionality, spontaneity and immediacy are lost. Love is replaced by upbringing and exactingness. The child becomes free person, but some function. Parents seem to no longer have time for experiments and mistakes. It is necessary to do everything perfectly - and then the children become the “result”. Older parents are much “heavier” than young people - therefore, the general family holiday turns from a game into a decorous Plus, it is still possible spontaneous true love replaced by "correct upbringing". Just because of good intentions - namely, a conscious approach.

But to sum up, does all this mean that you need to give birth to children late or vice versa early. I would answer no. This means only one thing - it is necessary to build the correct hierarchy in the family, the correct orders so that everyone is in their place. When this is so, there will be no need to “freeze your ears to spite your mother”, in response to a sacrificial child-centered culture. And you can give birth when you want and right for you and your family. And just be happy parent, with pleasure raising their children, and at the same time not to give up on themselves, not to sacrifice themselves, not to devote themselves to their children - believe me - they have a lot of all of you.

There are two ingenious expressions in my opinion: "Do not interfere with children's growth" and "The best thing we can do for our children is to be happy ourselves." This is very important for children. And then it doesn't matter how old you are. Everything will work out in the best way for you.

This article is just one point of view on this topic. The theme of late parenting.

Another interesting aspect of this topic is the theme of the loss of value of the Family in modern society. For some reason, people suddenly forgot and don’t understand why they need a family at all, why they need relationships, why they need to have children and remember their parents ... Family gatherings at a common table have become a heavy unpleasant duty, and large families cause confusion. .. But this is a separate conversation.

(If what is written in this article responded to you and touched you in some way, I invite you to the Happy Parent or Is There Life After Childbirth group. This is about how to really “correctly” build your family and your relationships with children: how to be a happy parent of a happy child)