Psychological abuse of children - How not to get blacklisted. Psychological abuse of children

emotional abuse over a child is any action that causes a state of emotional stress in him, which endangers normal development his emotional life. Usually parents respond to the success of the child with praise, a sense of pride and joy. But sometimes parents react in the opposite way: indifference and irritation.

At first, this causes mixed feelings in the child. In the future, a child who repeatedly has to deal with inadequate reactions of parents in response to his positive behavior quickly loses motivation for achievement and the sense of pride that accompanies success. He concludes that it is dangerous and wrong to show joy in accomplishments.

Emotional abuse includes the following actions towards a child:

Isolation, that is, the alienation of the child from normal social communication;

sullenness, refusal to discuss problems;

- "baiting with prohibitions" (for example, if a child in certain time did not complete the lessons or did not make the bed, then this is followed by a ban on watching TV or walking for a certain time);

Insult;

Terrorizing, that is, repeatedly insulting the child with words and the formation of a stable feeling of fear;

maintenance constant voltage, intimidation, threats;

Scolding, mockery; Intimidation with punishment (“Another deuce or another trick at school - and I will take up the belt”);

Moral decay (corruption), engaging and coercing a child into actions that are contrary to social norms and harm the child (coercion to commit theft, use alcohol or drugs). Emotional abuse of a child can be assumed if you notice that a parent constantly: - makes excessive demands on the child, which he is not able to cope with, which forms low self-esteem and leads to frustration;

Punishes the child excessively severely;

Extremely critical of the child, accusing him;

Is angry and intimidating. Emotional abuse can also be suspected based on a number of signs in a child, for example, if he:

Emotionally unreceptive, indifferent;

Sad, subdepressive, or severely depressed;

Sucks fingers, sways monotonously (autoerotic actions);

Closed in itself, thoughtful or, conversely, aggressive;

- "sticks" to any adult in search of attention and warmth;

Experiences nocturnal attacks of fear, sleeps poorly;

Does not show interest in games. The child's physiological reactions may also indicate that he is a victim of emotional abuse. These include:

Night and daytime enuresis(urinary incontinence);

Psychosomatic complaints: headache, pain in the abdomen and heart area, complaints of feeling unwell, etc .;

slow physical and general development child.

Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse, despite being similar to emotional abuse, stands out in a separate category. Psychological abuse is an act committed against a child that hinders the development of his potential abilities.

Psychological abuse includes, for example, frequent conflicts in the family and unpredictable behavior of parents towards the child. Due to mental violence is inhibited intellectual development child is endangered adequate development cognitive processes and adaptive abilities. He becomes easily vulnerable, the ability to self-esteem decreases. The child develops socially helpless, easily falls into conflict situations and are more likely to be rejected by peers. The English psychologist Alice Miller in 1980 in the book “For Your Own Good” formulated the so-called “poison pedagogy” - a complex of educational influences that lead to the development of a traumatized personality:

Parents are masters (not servants!) of a dependent child. They determine what is good and what is bad.
The child is responsible for their anger. If they get angry, it's his fault.
Parents must always be protected.
Children's self-affirmation in life creates a threat to the autocratic parent.
The child must be broken, and the sooner the better.

All this must happen while the child is still very young, does not notice this and cannot expose the parents. The methods by which obedience is achieved are varied:

psychological traps,
deception,
duplicity,
subterfuge,
excuses
manipulation,
intimidation tactics,
rejection of love
insulation,
mistrust,
humiliation,
disgrace - up to torture,
devaluation and devaluation by adults of everything that the child does in the family (“Your hands are growing out of the wrong place - it’s better not to touch anything!”; “Nothing good will come of it anyway!”).

Based on these "rules", "poison pedagogy" forms the following destructive attitudes, ideas and myths in children:

Love is a duty;

Parents deserve respect by definition, simply because they are parents; - children do not deserve respect simply because they are children; - high self-esteem is harmful, and low self-esteem makes people altruists; - tenderness ( strong love) is harmful; - to satisfy children's desires is wrong. Severity, rudeness and coldness - good preparation to life; - it is better to pretend to be grateful than to openly express ingratitude; - how you behave is more important than what you really are; - parents will not survive if they are offended; - parents cannot say stupid things or be guilty; - parents are always right, they cannot be wrong. Conscientious adherence to the rules of "poisonous pedagogy" forms a dependent person with low social tolerance, rigid, with a "dead soul", which, growing up, becomes a "murderer" herself. Parents are absolutely sincerely convinced that they are doing everything for the good of the child, while crippling him.

The laws of intergenerational transmission are inexorable, and everything repeats again, but in a new generation.A. Miller singles out the following among parental motives: - the unconscious need to transfer to another the humiliation to which they themselves were once subjected; - the need to release repressed feelings; - the need to have a living object for manipulation, to have it at one's own disposal; - self-defense, including the need to idealize one's own childhood and one's own parents through the dogmatic application (transfer) of parental pedagogical principles to one's child; - fear of manifestations that they themselves were once suppressed, manifestations that they see in their own children, those that should be destroyed in the bud; - the desire to take revenge for the pain that the parent once experienced. Obviously, if at least one of the listed motives is present, then the chance to change the parental behavior pattern is quite low. However, all this does not mean that children should be brought up without any restrictions. Non-violent communication is based on respect from adults, tolerance for children's feelings, the naturalness of pedagogical influences, that is, dependence on pedagogical principles.

The presence of emotional abuse can also be assumed on the basis of a number of signs in a child.

Emotional abuse of a child is any action that causes a state of emotional stress in him, which endangers the normal development of his emotional life.

Usually parents respond to the success of the child with praise, a sense of pride and joy. But sometimes parents react in the opposite way: indifference and irritation.

Emotional abuse includes the following actions towards a child:

Isolation, that is, the alienation of the child from normal social communication;

sullenness, refusal to discuss problems;

- “baiting with bans” (for example, if a child did not do his homework at a certain time or did not make the bed, then this is followed by a ban on watching TV or walking for a certain time);

Insult;

Terrorizing, that is, repeatedly insulting the child with words and the formation of a stable feeling of fear;

Maintaining constant tension, intimidation, threats;

Scolding, mockery; Intimidation with punishment (“Another deuce or another trick at school - and I will take up the belt”);

Moral decay (corruption), involvement and coercion of a child in actions that are contrary to social norms and harm the child (coercion to commit theft, use alcohol or drugs).

Emotional abuse of a child can be suspected if you notice that a parent constantly:

Makes excessive demands on the child that he is not able to cope with, which forms low self-esteem and leads to frustration;

Punishes the child excessively severely;

Extremely critical of the child, accusing him;

Angry and acting intimidating.

The presence of emotional abuse can also be assumed based on a number of signs in a child, for example, if he:

Emotionally unreceptive, indifferent;

Sad, subdepressive, or severely depressed;

Sucks fingers, sways monotonously (autoerotic actions);

Closed in itself, thoughtful or, conversely, aggressive;

- "sticks" to any adult in search of attention and warmth;

Experiences nocturnal attacks of fear, sleeps poorly;

Shows no interest in games.

The child's physiological reactions may also indicate that he is the victim of emotional abuse. These include:

Nocturnal and daytime enuresis (urinary incontinence);

Psychosomatic complaints: headache, pain in the abdomen and heart area, complaints of feeling unwell, etc.;

Slowed physical and general development of the child.

Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse includes, for example, frequent conflicts in the family and unpredictable behavior of parents towards the child. Due to mental violence, the intellectual development of the child is hampered, the adequate development of cognitive processes and adaptive abilities are jeopardized. He becomes easily vulnerable, the ability to self-esteem decreases. The child develops socially helpless, easily gets into conflict situations and is more likely to be rejected by peers.

English psychologist Alice Miller in 1980 in the book "For your own good" formulated the so-called "poisonous pedagogy" - a complex of educational influences that lead to the development of a traumatized personality:

Parents are masters (not servants!) of a dependent child. They determine what is good and what is bad.
The child is responsible for their anger. If they get angry, it's his fault.
Parents must always be protected.
Children's self-affirmation in life creates a threat to the autocratic parent.
The child must be broken, and the sooner the better.

All this must happen while the child is still very young, does not notice it and cannot expose the parents.

The methods by which obedience is achieved are varied:

psychological traps,
deception,
duplicity,
subterfuge,
excuses
manipulation,
intimidation tactics,
rejection of love
insulation,
mistrust,
humiliation,
disgrace - up to torture,
devaluation and devaluation by adults of everything that the child does in the family (“Your hands are growing out of the wrong place - it’s better not to touch anything!”; “Nothing good will come of it anyway!”).

Based on these "rules", "poison pedagogy" forms the following destructive attitudes, ideas and myths in children:

Love is a duty;

Parents deserve respect by definition, simply because they are parents;

Children do not deserve respect simply because they are children;

High self-esteem is harmful, and low self-esteem makes people altruists;

Tenderness (strong love) is harmful;

Satisfying children's desires is wrong. Severity, rudeness and coldness are good preparation for life;

It is better to pretend to be grateful than to openly express ingratitude;

How you behave is more important than what you really are;

Parents will not survive if they are offended;

Parents cannot say stupid things or be guilty;

Parents are always right, they cannot be wrong.

Conscientious adherence to the rules of "poisonous pedagogy" forms a dependent personality with low social tolerance, rigid, with a "killed soul", which, growing up, becomes a "murderer" itself. Parents are absolutely sincerely convinced that they are doing everything for the good of the child, while crippling him.

The laws of intergenerational transmission are inexorable, and everything is repeated again, but in a new generation.

A. Miller distinguishes the following among parental motives:

- an unconscious need to transfer to another the humiliation to which they themselves were once subjected;

- the need to release repressed feelings;

- the need to have a living object for manipulation, to have it at one's own disposal;

- self-defense, including the need to idealize one's own childhood and one's own parents through the dogmatic application (transfer) of parental pedagogical principles to one's child;

- fear of manifestations that they themselves were once suppressed, manifestations that they see in their own children, those that should be destroyed in the bud;

- the desire to take revenge for the pain that the parent once experienced.

Obviously, if at least one of the listed motives is present, then the chance to change the parental behavior pattern is rather low.

However, all this does not mean that children should be brought up without any restrictions. Nonviolent Communication is based on respect from adults, tolerance for children's feelings, the naturalness of pedagogical influences, that is, dependence on pedagogical principles. published

From the book by I. Malkina-Pykh "Extreme situations"

Any violence, not only family violence, is characterized by the fact that it is aimed, first of all, at suppressing the individual will of a person (personality), the ability for him to make decisions independently. The subject of violence thus gains power over the object. Psychological violence differs from other types in the way in which this power is achieved. The instrument of psychological violence is rude words and actions that give pleasure to the aggressor. The severity of the consequences of such actions can be different: from the appearance of a feeling of humiliation to loss of legal capacity.

The interaction of children and parents in the family is of an educational nature, so the main problem in overcoming violence against children is the separation of pedagogically correct actions from exceeding pedagogical competence.

Of great importance, as noted above, is the cultural component. In domestic culture, beatings realize the myth effective education that legitimizes them in the minds of both the adult and the child. Forms of physical abuse such as neglect and child abuse are seen as a style parenting and a reflection of a dysfunctional intra-family situation. Psychological violence has a slightly different specificity.

The increased interest in psychological violence is also associated with the fact that in currently attempts are being made to formulate some objective criteria that would allow at the official level to prevent the violation of children's rights. There are two approaches to the problem here. The first proposes to single out criteria independent of each other for determining psychological violence, its forms. In a condensed form, these criteria were presented by B.Yu. Shapiro. According to the classification proposed by him, the following forms of the use of psychological violence can be distinguished:

isolation of family members,

Threats of violence

humiliation,

Shouting, swearing, insults,

Ignoring

Bullying, causing other suffering,

Formation and development of feelings of fear and powerlessness,

Decreased self-esteem

Artificial creation of situations in which one of the family members feels mentally abnormal.

All these activities have a common feature: psychological violence is defined as the deliberate actions of one person (let's call him the subject of psychological violence) aimed at causing mental suffering to another person (the object of violence). There is a certain sadistic calculation here, which can no longer be justified only by pedagogical incompetence.

Psychological abuse of a child has an internal logic built by an adult. Thus, if a pedagogical remark appears as an immediate reaction to an event that has just occurred, then violence is calculated and from the very beginning is a cruel strategy for methodically inflicting psychological and emotional suffering on a child.

For a long time, the criterion for violence against a child was causing him significant harm. It should be noted here that as a result of psychological violence, damage to the child's psyche is possible, but not natural (there is no 100% guarantee of the occurrence negative consequences), moreover, the child cannot always reflexively define an act of psychological abuse and identify it as such.

The breadth and sophistication of the forms of psychological violence makes it much more difficult to classify them. In addition, psychological violence quite often appears not by itself, but together with other types of violence. This defines the second approach to the definition of child abuse.

British researchers consider the relationship of psychological violence with other types of violence. Based on their research in the UK, they concluded the following:

1) Ignoring elementary psychological needs child close to abandonment. In such a situation, the subject of violence "plays" with the child's feelings. The aggressor builds a strategy of submission, through the systematic deprivation of the child of food, light, sleep or communication with friends. Experts believe that such a punishment is more severe than abandonment, because. involves a deliberate impact on the child's psyche, while in abandonment there is simply indifference to his condition. A more concentrated and severe form of neglect is deprivation, when parents direct aggression towards private property child, thereby using personal (and therefore especially expensive) things as a tool for psychic attack.

2) Provoking feelings of grief, horror, humiliation in a child is qualified as a sophisticated form of torture, which in its content corresponds to physical violence. Parents use the natural functions of the body to display cruelty: eating, sleeping, urinating. This type of abuse takes the form of physical abuse: for example, if a child is forced to eat food that is unfit for consumption (food as punishment).

3) As a special form of violence, humiliation of a child in the presence of strangers can also be distinguished, which leads to increased feelings of guilt and degradation. In addition, the authors find a certain similarity between antipathy and the threat of abandonment. The result of both strategies is a loss of a sense of individuality and well-being. Psychologism can lead to particularly acute consequences in cases where the child is forced to constantly doubt the normal functioning of the senses. For example, parents force the child to perform the same actions several times, referring to the fact that he "heard not what was said." Ultimately, the child decides that he has gone crazy and his consciousness is inadequate to reality. This group also includes the extreme degree of alienation.

Another type of psychological abuse is emotional blackmail and bribery of a child. Trying to keep peace, the parents blackmail the child. As a result, the child develops a persistent fear of the consequences of his actions. As a rule, this type of violence is combined with sexual harassment and exploitation (for example, compulsion to steal, prostitution, begging).

As can be seen from the above examples, it is extremely difficult to give a definition of psychological violence in the family, which could later be used for official assistance to children at risk. Apparently, the diversity and sophistication of violence against children cannot give a concise and at the same time precise formalized definition. Analysis existing classifications psychological violence leads to the conclusion that none of them can be used separately from the others. At the same time, it is necessary to carry out more thorough work on the analysis of individual cases, which will make it possible to supplement and expand the understanding of violence in general and psychological violence in particular.

People express negative emotions in relation to other persons in different ways. Someone just speaks badly about some person behind his back, and someone chooses a tougher and unpleasant method impact - psychological abuse. Statistics show that the victim most often is not an adult, but a child. Minors are subjected to psychological violence in schools, on the street, at home. This is very serious problem, since because of it, children's emotional behavior and development are disturbed. They have fears.

What is psychological abuse

Psychological abuse is also called emotional abuse. This term refers to the periodic or constant insult of the child with some unpleasant words, the humiliation of his human dignity, the utterance of threats. Often, parents have formed the desired image of children. To achieve it, mothers and fathers present their children with such requirements that they are not able to fulfill due to age opportunities. This also applies to psychological abuse.

Negative attitude towards the child has very serious consequences. He ceases to be happy. He begins to suffer from his own feelings. The child withdraws into himself, loses confidence in the people around him. In the future, all this leads to problems in building relationships. Another negative consequence is low self-esteem. For example, peers at school may call a child scary, stupid. With such thoughts about himself, he grows in the future.

Classification of the problem into forms

Degradation. In this form, children or adults act on specific child rude words, curses, name-calling, ridicule him in front of other people.
Ignoring. This form of violence is most often observed by adults - parents. They do not pay attention to their child, they are not interested in his successes and achievements. He does not feel affection, care, love. Naturally, such an attitude depresses the child.
Repulsion. This feature of behavior is manifested by the fact that parents push their child away, constantly drive him away, that is, they make it clear that they do not need him.
Terrorization. In this form of abuse, the child is constantly threatened by something. They threaten him, make demands that are impossible at this age stage.

In various books on education, articles on psychological abuse of children Special attention turns to isolation. This is another form of the problem. Its essence lies in various prohibitions (for example, you can’t communicate with peers, go for a walk with them). Sometimes, during isolation, parents additionally resort to physical violence - they lock the child alone in an apartment, room, and sometimes even in a closet, beat him if he violates the prohibitions.

When a child becomes a victim of psychological abuse, this can be guessed from some of the characteristics of behavior. Observed the following signs:

the child develops anxiety, excessive anxiety;
appetite is disturbed;
the state seems depressed;
self-esteem is reduced;
a minor avoids peers, adults, seeks to retire;
sometimes, due to psychological abuse, a child develops such a character trait as aggressiveness;
sleep is disturbed due to negative emotions;
baby starts less attention devote to study bad marks At school;
constant threats, insults, bullying by peers or adults lead to suicide attempts.

Already in childhood, due to psychological abuse, health problems arise. Delayed physical and mental development, there is enuresis, nervous tic, obesity. Emotional abuse affects the brain. This ultimately leads to a predisposition to various diseases:

to coronary heart disease;
syndrome chronic fatigue;
oncological diseases, etc.

Psychological abuse in the family over a child different reasons. First, parents may simply not love their child. It's terrifying. This reason simply does not fit in the head. How can you not love own child because he is the future of parents. Abusive moms and dads need to be talked to. Relatives also need help. If the parents do not come to their senses, then it is best for the child to live, for example, with his grandmother.

Other common cause These are requirements for a child. It is important to remember that you cannot force another person to do something. Requirements that are impossible to fulfill or that the child does not like can suppress the will and cause a depressed state.

Commandments of Wise Parents

There are 4 commandments wise parents. They can help to avoid psychological abuse of the child, because mothers and fathers do not always realize that their upbringing is wrong and leads to negative consequences. First, never try to make the best out of your child. Not all people are the same. Each person is endowed with certain abilities and capabilities.

Secondly, do not compare your child with other children, do not reproach him for not achieving something, like some of his classmates.

Thirdly, do not threaten the child, do not blackmail him. Otherwise, you will cause him only fear, shame. Your child may think that you just do not love him.

Fourth, do not sort things out with the child in front of witnesses, even if he has done something. It is better to discuss the problem at home, find out the reason. When misbehaving, shame the child, but remember that there should be a measure in everything.

Problem at school

Any child can become a victim school bullying. The likelihood of this is greatly increased if he is calm, not too active and sociable. His offenders may be class leaders, aggressive children who have found a victim for self-affirmation or who strive to always be in the spotlight.

A child will always tell about psychological abuse if he trusts his parents. With a secretive nature, lack of trust in the family, the opposite situation is observed. The child does not share his experiences and problems with anyone. It is possible to guess that he became a victim of psychological violence at school. This problem is indicated the following nuances:

the child does not want to go to school;
he doesn't talk about his classmates;
his things are sometimes torn or soiled;
home after school the child returns in a depressed state.

What to do if a child is being abused while studying

Psychological abuse of children at school is a problem that should be solved by parents together with class teacher. The teacher, as a rule, is aware of everything that happens in the classroom. You can also talk to the mothers and fathers of the offenders. If a minor has been a victim of abuse for a long time, then the best way out is to change schools or temporarily transfer to home schooling.

If the child does not want to transfer to another school, then parents should give him some advice on how to deal with ridicule, insults:

first of all, it must be said that problems do not exist for those who are teased, but for those who do this;
effective method deal with offenders - show them that their unpleasant words do not hurt or upset at all;
in response to the insults of the offenders, you can simply laugh (if you demonstrate such behavior every time, then after a while, peers will simply not be interested in “poisoning” their victim).

Responsibility for violence

Psychological abuse is punishable. For example, in a school, a teacher or director can talk to offenders, reprimand them, shame them. Being in such a situation is extremely unpleasant. Such actions often prevent further insults, bullying.

Psychological violence in the family is also punished. Responsibility is set out in Family Code, Criminal Code. The Family Code of Russia says that the methods of education should exclude cruel, neglectful treatment, insult and exploitation. If this norm is violated, the child may be removed from the family by the guardianship and guardianship body in case of a threat to life and health, deprivation parental rights. But how to prove psychological abuse of a child? This problem is solved by the presence of witnesses, the conclusion of a psychologist.

The situation in which the emotional impact leads to beatings and murder is very scary. Psychological and physical abuse of a child, resulting in death, is a crime for which criminal liability is provided.

Parenting is the hardest thing in the world. It is very important in this process not to resort to violence, to listen carefully to the child, respect his opinion, share interests, help make decisions, teach him to listen to other people and seek compromises. It is also important to protect your child from negative impact surrounding. If you follow all this, then the child will grow and develop in a favorable environment.