Moral and physical betrayal: essence, differences, consequences, what to do
Consider Today difficult question which deserves a separate discussion. No one is immune from betrayal. May be best husband, friend, lover, but in the end stay at the broken love boat.
But in this article, we will try to approach cheating from the other side and find out which is worse: physical or emotional infidelity?
physical betrayal
Probably everyone understands what physical infidelity is. This means that the person has had sexual intercourse behind the back of his partner. Most often, such betrayals happen in a state of intoxication, when physical desire takes over. And it doesn't go beyond one night stand.
Women can commit adultery, offended by a loved one or wanting revenge. The main thing in such a situation is that a person does not develop attachment to the person with whom he sleeps. It is only the satisfaction of basic needs.
emotional betrayal
But here everything is already more serious, since in this case there may not be sex at all, but people can be tied common interests, hobbies. And of course, there is sympathy, love. Since this person likes already in emotionally attracted by its intrinsic qualities.
What's worse?
It is impossible to unambiguously answer this question. All people are different, and each determines for himself what he will not be able to put up with: with the betrayal of the soul or body. It would be desirable, of course, never to face a choice.
The best thing is not to cheat on your loved one. Crises happen even in the most happy relationship. The main thing is to be able to get out of them without loss. A light affair can ruin everything in an instant.
It doesn't really matter if it's physical or emotional. In any case, you will hurt your partner.
In addition, the majority equally negative attitude towards both types of betrayal. Therefore, it will be problematic to build relationships after a mistake has been made.
Love rules the World. Or rather, emotions. They have extraordinary power, influence decision-making, contribute to the choice of a partner, the creation of a family. But they can also easily destroy lives. Therefore, it is important to accurately define the concepts and not to chop off the shoulder, succumbing to an instantaneous impulse.
Some people think that moral treason this absence true love with the external well-being of the union. Such relationships are a screen with demonstrative oaths of devotion, behind which lies indifference and lies. The reasons are different. From habit, unwillingness to change something, to cold calculation. And not the justification of hopes, the infringement of the interests of one for the pleasure of the other, is it a moral betrayal or an ordinary disagreement of a couple?
Psychologists from Pennsylvania Kenneth Levy and Kristen Kelly conducted a survey that spiritual or physical betrayal is more painful. According to the results, there are no gender differences in the assessment. People who tend to pay attention to the spiritual harmony of marriage, mutual understanding, openness of communication are afraid of the consequences of emotional trauma from betrayal. loved one. Those who are most important anatomy, sexual intercourse, hurt the physical aspect of adventures. Interesting fact- perception also depends on the experience of previous relationships.
Is it permissible to say that moral betrayal is worse than physical?
Let's turn to science for help. According to the research of the candidate of philosophical sciences Anatoly Zaitsev, the approach, the first step to infidelity are erotic fantasies, dreams.
15.9% of men and 25.5% of women dream of changing their partner every day, and occasionally - 65.4% and 55.9%, respectively.
In total, about 80% of spouses are mentally unfaithful to each other. They say the truth, adultery begins with the head. But fantasies don't have to come true. It is rather a sign of the subconscious about the need to revise relationships, the loss of brightness of emotions under the heavy pressure of living together. If mutual feelings are alive, the desire to be together, you should diversify your life, experiment, work on yourself.
A doctor's professional joke says that night shifts are the key to a successful marriage. In part they are right. A short separation allows you to get bored: you want to call in the evening, discuss the day, arrange a date. And when "we" grows, absorbs individual full-fledged personalities, collapse is inevitable. Sooner or later, topics of conversation will dry up, you will get tired of the same company. So make more time for yourself individual way feeling renewal.
Clearly define the limits of infidelity for yourself. Usually our perception of the world and family life as a whole forms a society, culture, religion. Some consider casual relationships acceptable, while others are afraid of even innocent flirting. For a Muslim woman to take off her hijab in front of a stranger is adultery, and our beaches are full of girls sunbathing topless. Are you ready to say that this is treason?
The moral and physical components are inseparable if we are talking about love, reciprocity, fidelity. But what drives people to cheat? Some respond to inattention, emotional remoteness, rudeness, distrust of a lover. For some, this is a way of revenge, a mirror response if a physical betrayal has occurred in the family. Sometimes even the moral betrayal of a husband can cause a wife's desperate attempts to arouse jealousy. Such flirting runs the risk of developing into a real romance on the side. Another reason is the reluctance to deny yourself the pleasure of the novelty of changing a partner, which is characteristic of selfish people. Spiritual betrayal is a kind of virtual crossroads where you can still turn back, although bright billboards by the road beckon so much.
What is emotional betrayal?
Let's imagine a situation. you opened email and saw an unread message from stranger, addressed to your soulmate, clearly non-business in nature. It's hard to resist the temptation, right? Correspondence is full of compliments, invitations to dine. A few lines about the boredom of living with you. It's a shame, but there is no specific indication of the fact of a "pleasant continuation of the meeting". Your chosen one denies infidelity. Says an informal meeting was planned business partners or friends. There was flirting, but nothing more. Do you think that this is a moral betrayal of the husband (wife)?
When emotional betrayal there is no physical contact. Active friendly communication without kisses, hugs, sex. At the same time, the second half does not hide personal problems from a stranger, even touches on intimate topics. This is not discussed with you. Spends more time than with family in his company. Suspicious "fusion of souls." But what if it's not really a friendly connection? Would you forgive her husband (wife)? Is a personal text message or always hanging up on Skype different from a lipstick mark on a shirt?
The consequences of emotional betrayal could have been avoided. It is enough to restore trust, openness of relations, to become a true friend. Perhaps communication with you is limited to the phrases “What's new?” , “Nothing interesting” and he has no one to speak out, ask for advice. Banal situation.
Remember, emotions rule the world. Relationships begin with sympathy, the joy of meeting, the hope of reciprocity. We idealize the chosen one, create an imaginary "caramel" image of the family. But months and years go by. It seems that they have studied it in detail, nothing new can be found on the proven field. Routine, boredom. There are so many different personalities around, alluring novelty. When you created a marriage, you expected more. The ground for emotional betrayal is ready. Is it possible to avoid cooling, to keep the elusive happiness? How to return the former sharpness, admiration, romance?
The recommendations are simple, effective, but will only help couples with living mutual feeling love. Otherwise, you need to put up with it, try to survive the situation with the least losses. Self-deception, torment by unrealizable dreams can hurt even more.
To renew the relationship, try to be mysterious, unpredictable. Change the image, the line of behavior. Remember what attracted you before? Can you name your favorite children's fairy tale, cartoon of your soul mate? What color evokes in her associations with joy, cheerfulness, sadness? Vivid memories associated with music, dance? What did you feel and think when you saw you for the first time? How well have you studied the person with whom you live side by side? Take a look from a different angle and be surprised at your discoveries.
Every person has a sun. Just let it shine. - Socrates
It's time to throw off the masks, stereotypes. Sincerity, openness bring together, renew the lost connection, mutual understanding. Analyze the mistakes made, draw conclusions. Looking for ways falling in love again is not threatened by routine. Use the chance to win the battle for family happiness.
Worthless men who choke on saliva. looking at another woman. You dress yours, put on shoes and admire. - Sergey Bezrukov.
Spiritual betrayal is the lack of intimacy, mutual understanding, support. There is only one cure for this disease whose name is love. An amazing value, salt for an insipid dish called life. For the sake of its preservation, it is worth restraining momentary impulses and desires. Acting impulsively, you can lose more than you find. What if we're just looking in the wrong place?
Spiritual betrayal is one of the types adultery, which does not imply intimate relationships. People are united common topics for communication, worldview and preferences.
Is there spiritual change?
Since it is difficult to determine the moment when betrayal itself begins, not everyone recognizes its existence. But nevertheless, spiritual betrayal has almost all the signs of ordinary physical betrayal, except for sexual relations:
- you want to spend as much time as possible with another person, and not with your spouse;
- you share your thoughts, ideas and plans not with your husband;
- the opinion of that person is more important and weighty for you;
- you think a lot about that person, imagine what he would say to you or how he would react to your words or actions;
- it seems to you that without it your life will lose its sharpness;
- you are waiting for a call or message from that person, but if your husband asks who called, you will lie or avoid answering;
- you would be embarrassed if your husband heard your conversations or read your correspondence.
You can call it platonic relationship. This is not friendship in the traditional sense of the word. Because you feel some awkwardness, embarrassment, embarrassment. Perhaps falling in love.
But the most important thing that defines spiritual intimacy as treason is common tastes and complete absence domestic problems. You can spend hours discussing something insignificant or understandable only to you, you love one writer or admire one artist. Here is the person with whom you can go to the exhibition and really get aesthetic pleasure. And not to listen to constant reproaches or stupid questions from a husband who does not understand anything about this. Moreover, he drives you, not allowing you to enjoy the work of art.
So there is spiritual change. And many believe that it is much more serious than just sex with a mistress. And this connection cannot be broken in one fell swoop.
Legal status of treason
From the point of view of the law, spiritual infidelity is not recognized as a form of infidelity, in contrast to physical infidelity. Simply because it is difficult to define its scope and boundaries. If time spent with a person is considered the determining factor, then a colleague sitting in the same office with you is the most suitable candidate. Since spiritual betrayal presupposes precisely the desire for communication, thoughts about a person, it is impossible to reliably calculate them.
Thoughts are beyond the control of law enforcement, but in this case, religion determines the scope of what is permitted. In most religions, a person's thoughts are valued in the same way as his actions. These restrictions are designed to preserve the morality and purity of relations between spouses.
Another “supervisory body” is conscience. Not everyone will be allowed to do what they want. Or stop the wrong thoughts that have just arisen.
Therefore, despite the fact that, according to the law, spiritual intimacy is not considered treason, a person can punish himself for such weakness.
Who is more likely to cheat like this
For each of us, something different will be the most important thing in a relationship. Some like the physical side of love. Of course, without quality sex, relationships will not be complete, but many value communication more. These are people with a fine mental organization who notice beauty in the world around them. They pay a lot of attention to details, gestures, intonations. For them, the spiritual is higher than the material, and physical betrayal is unacceptable. They are often indifferent to sex.
This will also be a blow for those who are important to feel the support of their spouse. They must be sure that they will come home and receive a warm welcome. Usually such people spend a lot of time at work, building their careers and trying to earn money for their families. And if the second half in lonely evenings entertains themselves with thoughts about another person, then they will feel betrayed. And it will be very difficult for them to forgive such behavior.
For some, this position is incomprehensible. Usually these are straight people who think rationally. For them, more fundamental things are more important. For example, material well-being home, order and comfort. When choosing a spouse, they are also guided only by feelings. They are more likely to create arranged marriages.
Therefore, such people often deny spiritual betrayal. For cheating is tantamount to sex outside of marriage, and the rest is just communication, friendship. Physical contact for them is higher than mental.
What to do if your husband is cheating on you
It is unpleasant to feel that your husband is more pleased to spend time with another woman. Even sexual attraction between them is absent, it is still invisibly present in your life. It's even worse when your husband starts comparing you.
What to do? First, explain to your husband that you are offended by hearing this. And secondly, talk to him, what attracts him to her? Of course, it is difficult to discuss something that is not interesting or incomprehensible to you. But at least it's worth a little understanding. Especially if your husband literally “burns” with it. Ask him to tell and show you. Surely he will enthusiastically respond to your request. After all, you have probably brushed aside such conversations more than once.
Always talk to your spouse good idea. To exchange opinions, to argue, to discuss. In the course of the conversation, you will find what interests both you and him.
Find a common hobby, do something new and unknown.
Add warmth and affection to your daily communication. How do you meet her husband from work? "Hello, my hands and sit down to dinner." So? Something very short. Have you seen how children meet their parents from work? They run out, as if they had not seen eternity and had time to get bored. They hug, chatter intermittently about what happened to them during the day, talk about friends, climb into their arms.
Add emotion to your words too. Do not shout from the kitchen, but go out to meet. Hug, kiss, ask how your day went. And then call for dinner. And at dinner, talk, discuss all the events. Listen carefully, smile and talk about what worries you. Let the house become for him the place where he strives every day, and his thoughts are busy with how to give you a pleasant surprise.
What to do if you change spiritually
It becomes sad when your spouse considers your hobbies to be stupid. And when a person appears who understands you, it seems that it is the one you need. And after a while you realize that you don’t want to communicate with your husband, his touches become painful.
You have 2 options for action: you can leave your husband or find something in common with him. The first option is acceptable if you realize that you are literally from different worlds. If you have repeatedly tried to find common ground for your interests, but your husband rejects all your attempts, then why are you torturing each other.
And if you love your husband and do not want to leave him, then look for something that will unite.
Sign up for sports, choose a coach. Set a goal together and achieve it. This method is suitable for you if your husband thinks rationally, and you are more of a creative nature. And the sport itself has positive influence for your life. Your health and mood will improve. And, as a result, your relationship with your husband will improve. Probably, you will not increase new topics for conversation from classes in the hall, but you will direct your strength and energy in a creative direction. After a workout, you can just lie in an embrace with your husband on the couch and be silent about something together.
And if it is still important for you to discuss something, then study a new language or go to lectures on the work of writers or artists. Some museums organize special classes for adults who want to broaden their horizons. Even if your husband does not go with you, you can surprise him by telling something interesting.
Or travel! new impressions and positive emotions excellent relationship reset. Spend time together by turning off your phones. Enjoy each other's company.
And with that person, keep communication to a minimum. It has no place in your married life.
PHOTO Getty Images
Anthony D'Ambrosio, columnist, blogger anthonyjdambrosio.com.
Morning. The alarm clock chirps. You open your eyes, and at the same moment your brain begins its usual race. Meetings, calls, deadlines… what else is there for today?
Why is there always so much to do and so little time to do everything? You grab your phone and start scrolling through your messages on your way to the bathroom. You are already awake—at least halfway.
And she is still sleeping. However, you text her: Good morning, Babe. Have a wonderful day."
There are two messages in this phrase. You let her know that the first thing you think about when you wake up is her. And, more importantly, she must understand that, no matter how important things no matter how busy your day is, she and only she comes first for you.
Sounds great, but it's not true.
Instead of thinking about her, you go to Instagram or Facebook, where you curiously study the lives of strangers. Perhaps you'll send her a link on your way to work.
Relationships these days lack purpose. People are "dating", but what the hell does that mean, and does it even mean anything? Go out together somewhere to hang out twice a month? Texting all day? Kissing on every corner? Something is lost. Why are our relationships deteriorating?
Relationships grow from mutual understanding. We reserve our deepest emotions for the one we love - and how can we never show them? But somehow we take for granted what is unacceptable. For example, sitting next to dining table, we keep phones close at hand and, while talking, at the same time we read or continuously post something on social networks.
We reserve the deepest emotions for the one we love - and how can you never show them
You know what's the worst here? The fact that we, the whole society, agreed to consider the norm of the relationship in which we cheat on a friend every day.
You think the old fashioned way that cheating is a physical act, sex with someone else. That deeply intimate situation when the person you love and with whom your whole life is connected enters into a relationship with someone else.
Such betrayal destroys trust. But think for a moment about the concept itself. Of course, sex with another is cheating, perhaps the most traumatic of all. But did it ever occur to you that we are already being deceived every day? We lack understanding, attention, passion, intimacy and even love. Why do we think that this is normal, why do we agree to this inferior relationship?
After all, this deception actually causes us much more damage than physical betrayal. You love the person with every fiber of your being, but you have to beg for his or her attention.
You watch as he or she continually updates statuses or posts photos, counting on the comments of strangers.
Take a moment to tell her how beautiful she is. Call her after work and tell her: “You have half an hour to change and restore beauty. I'll drop by and take you to some amazing place."
Try. Gotta give old-fashioned love a chance to come back. She cannot be allowed to be gone forever: when two people hold hands, when he opens the car door, leans over and takes her in his arms, when he sends her flowers just to see her smile in return.
We must become children again when we fall in love.
We must be vulnerable and free. But all this is impossible if we are too absorbed in the lives of strangers.
Let's focus on each other. In the end, this is the main thing that we have in life.
Appreciate her and show her how much she means to you. More importantly, put your phone away and stay in touch with the person sitting across from you.
See elitedaily.com for details.
