Conflicts with friends - how to maintain friendship. How to stay friends with your best friend

Most people will agree that friendship requires work on it, and the work of two people. This article will talk about how to remain best friends no matter what.

Friendship is trust

Relationships of friends should always be built on complete trust. When trust is lost, friendship ends. So there is no need to doubt the sincerity of your friend, much less accuse him of cheating. Even if you are one hundred percent sure that you were told a lie, you need to look for an opportunity to justify it. Here, of course, there are exceptions, you can never forgive a lie told from selfish motives.

Do not criticize friends or their environment

It is believed that only a true friend can tell the truth in person, because if not him, then no one will do it. However, from friends we always expect just not criticism, but support. Therefore, you do not need to directly express to your friend everything that you think. It would be much better to just give him a hint to push him to action.

Naturally, you should refrain from insulting your friend's close people. Believe me, he himself knows what problems he has with them.

Don't give in to jealousy

For some reason, it is traditionally believed that only love partners are jealous. Meanwhile, the jealousy of friends can lead to no less dramatic consequences. This situation occurs when one of the friends is psychologically dependent on the other. This manifests itself in quarrels, in long-term grievances, in attempts to quarrel a friend with his entourage.

Don't demand what you can't give

Strive to reach a compromise

Of course, being friends with a person who agrees with you on everything is easy and convenient. But you need to understand that your friend also has an opinion on a particular topic. Friendship is a compromise, and for people who can easily find compromise solutions, friendship usually lasts a long time.

“Do not have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends,” says one of the proverbs. Of course, for one person a hundred friends is too much, but a couple of comrades for full life everyone needs to have. However, it is not enough to make friends. It is important to be able to maintain a relationship with them. It requires considerable strength, and above all desire.

Having left to the mercy of fate a relationship with a person who is proudly called his friend, you can later find that the friendship has come to naught. People are no longer interested in being in each other's company. To prevent this from happening, each of the friends (if we are talking about big company) should try to maintain relationships, not letting them take their course.

How to keep friendship?

There are several simple ways how to easily maintain relationships with friends at the proper level:

General interest

People become friends later precisely because they have one common interest for all. It can be a love of sports, music or general view for life. In order for relations with friends to always be the same as it was at the beginning of the birth of friendship, it is necessary to try to always have something that will unite people.

As people age, tastes change drastically. What was relevant to him before is now of no value. The same thing can happen with a shared hobby. If your best friends have changed their preferences in music, or one of them is now more interested in hockey instead of football, do not despair. It's not over yet. By finding a new point of contact, it will be possible to improve relationships, not noticeable, both for yourself and for your friend or girlfriend.

Willingness to help

A good friend is one who is always ready to help. Having no desire to help a friend in a difficult period in his life, after a while you can lose this person forever - communication will come to naught.

Naturally, not every person can break loose at any time of the day or night and rush to the other end of the city in order to provide close person any help. This can be hindered by banal employment. Friends understand this, and try not to disturb the person once again. But when he is completely free from work and other affairs (for example, on a day off), and his comrades need help, refusal to provide it will be considered as disrespect.

Friends are not free psychological help

Often, when meetings of friends end with complaints about life to each other. The impetus for this may be too a large number of drunk alcohol, or a really difficult situation in the lives of people that none of them can cope with alone. However, you should not turn meetings into constant complaints friend on how hard life is. Sooner or later, he might get tired of it. The comrade will think that his friend is an egoist who is not at all interested in how he is doing. Because of this, relations between comrades deteriorate, and after a while, communication may stop forever.

To avoid this, you need to control your desire to complain to a friend about problems in personal life. Moreover, each person always has enough of them. And if he does not say anything about it, it does not mean that he does not have any problems at all.

Do not borrow from friends

Having borrowed money from a friend, a person is often in no hurry to give back the amount borrowed for a while. A friend, in turn, is embarrassed to ask to return the promised back. This can go on for a long time, because of which, in fact, friendship can come to naught. Such a development of events is also possible, when one of the friends constantly borrows from the second large sums, and the latter will begin to get bored, since it will be simply embarrassing to refuse him.

To remain good friends, you need to see each other as often as possible.

Many friends later become just good acquaintances. The reason for the deterioration of relationships between people is the lack of frequent contact. As a rule, this often happens if one of the friends moves to a permanent place of residence in another city. Of course, there are exceptions - friends continue to communicate, not paying attention to the fact that they are now separated not by one district in the city, but by a distance of more than a thousand kilometers.

Cases are known when Good friends stop communicating even if one of them did not move to another city, but remained to live in the same place. It's just that people no longer have enough time for frequent meetings. The reason for this can be a huge amount of work, family, as well as other employment, which subsequently adversely affects the relationship of people who were previously for each other as a brother or sister.

In order to avoid such a development of events in the future, it is necessary to meet with your friends as often as possible. How older man becomes, the less time he has left for any entertainment. After all, now for him in the first place is the family. In order to successfully combine communication with friends without ruining relations with the other half, you need to introduce your friends to her. All friends need to do this.

Thanks to this, it will be possible to arrange further "gatherings" somewhere outside the city, for example, in the country, where all friends can come along with their loved ones. When the other half knows the friends of their spouse or spouse, making friends with families becomes much easier.

What to do if the friendship has gone to "no"?

Noticing the cold on the part of your friend, you must try to find out what is the reason for this. It is possible that a person simply grew out of this friendship, but does not dare to say this already. ex friend, which can be said to plunge into a real shock. After all, he tried his best to maintain a relationship.

Psychologists have proved the fact that a person can “grow” out of his hobby, out of his life position, as well as out of his social circle of friends. This is influenced not only by age, but also by the troubles in life that a person happened to get into. Of course, it will be unpleasant for a friend to realize this. But it is best to tell him about everything directly and openly.

You should not hide from a person, because he has ceased to be interesting. Leaving without further ado is the destiny of weak people.

How to find new friends?

If, despite all efforts, communication with people whom a person considered dear to his heart has come to naught, you should try to find for yourself new company. The older a person gets, the harder it is to do this. Usually the most strong friendship starts up in student years. Friends at the university, even after graduation, continue to be for a person, perhaps the most important people in life, not counting, of course, parents and partner.

Friendship is the most sincere feeling in which people find friends close to themselves in spirit. But not always people with common interests or hobbies begin to communicate closely. Despite these little things, true friends show patience and respect for each other in any situation.

But in every relationship there are disagreements, fits of rage and many other things that can make a crack in friendship. It is not necessary to look for the reasons for your doubts in a friend and you do not need to hold resentment in your heart. Try to figure it out first and understand whether it is worth keeping the friendship.

If it is hard for you to lose this person, you must come to terms and understand that, first of all, in friendship, you and your friend are equal. Do not be offended and freak out if your friend did not help you with some problem. It is worth thinking about what happened that your friend could not break out to you. He may have problems himself, but he does not behave selfishly and does not even try to pass on your shoulders what worries him!

Don't forget to say thank you to your friend for the little things he does for you. Sometimes what is lacking in friendship is praise and gratitude. After all, you see, we are all people and we love it when our actions and actions are evaluated!

You also need to learn to respect the choice of your girlfriend when it comes to his life goals! Would you like to become a friend of a clown? Why not? No need to make fun of a person and convince him of his dream! Better support her and you will see how important it is when she is incredibly happy!

And if, after all the rules that are described above, you could not strengthen friendly relations, you need to think about how to save your friendship.

If the friendship is teenage, I advise you to find common interests! For example, sign up for a club or dance. Indeed, with a new lesson, topics for discussion will only increase, and you will become much closer to each other!

With men, it is also much easier to find a language! If a male friendship has failed, you can try inviting a friend to hunt or relax in a sports bar watching football. It is easier for men to find common interests, but things are much worse with women!

Here are some tips to help you save a female friendship:

1. Under no circumstances agree with a friend if you hear a speech from her lips where she complains about how wrong and badly she did! Better support her, because with this conversation she seeks consolation!

2. If you are going somewhere together, you should not leave it under any pretext.

3. Do not bother your girlfriend with calls after a long time with her, because your relationship needs a rest too!

4. Do not use the kindness of a friend and forget about self-interest!

5. Do not bother too often with your problems! After all, for sure, many of you are addicted to experiences and do not notice what is happening in your girlfriend's life! Be careful and not selfish towards her!

6. No need to be jealous of your girlfriend to her acquaintances and friends!

7. Do not give out the secrets of a friend and do not try to demand the whole truth when talking with her! A person must fully trust you and, if he sees fit, he will tell you everything.

8. Never envy your girlfriend! This is the most big mistake which can lead to catastrophic consequences!

9. And the last, most main advice don't forget about your girlfriend long term! Ask her more often about business, pastime and try to protect your friendship. After all, female friendship is very vulnerable and fragile, like crystal! And, unfortunately, it is very rare! And if you are lucky to meet such a friend: do not betray her, but appreciate and do not lose!

I sincerely wish you all to maintain friendly relations, because always, at any stage in life, support, understanding and advice are important to us!

Contrary to popular stereotype, the main obstacle in the way female friendship not men at all. Times when due nice guy wanted to sacrifice everything, remained in early youth. The main difficulties between friends arise because of the "three D": business, money and children. It is not easy to maintain warm friendly relations if both live in constant time pressure. It is not easier when one becomes pregnant, and the second lives for her own pleasure and does not think about motherhood. Does not promote rapprochement a big difference in income. How can friendship overcome life circumstances?

Remember the past

“Relationships can be compared to a home flower in a pot - they also require care, otherwise they will wither and wither, only a herbarium of memories will remain,” says existential psychologist Irina Shelyshey. Continuing this metaphor, we can say that the common past is a kind of fertilizer. The past will always feed mutual affection in the present, if sometimes we recall in detail what we experienced together. Such an experience will allow you to let in energy into today's relationships that was once “canned”. These stories also help bring back to the "here and now" the feeling of mutual gratitude experienced by both "there and then." As a result, we again understand why we need friendship and how much pleasure it has brought to our lives.

Keep in touch

« Pledge good relations- something in common: a school background, raising children of the same age or working in one area, ”continues Irina Shelyshey. If interests do not overlap, support close connection it'll be hard. But it's still possible if you both want to be closer. You can offer: to a friend: “Listen, we were friends for such a close and long time, and now we meet less and less. So sorry to lose what was! If you feel the same way, let's make a rule: every last Friday of the month we will meet so as not to lose each other.

Conflict

“Unlike men, it is more difficult for us to refuse something to our girlfriends, since the level of empathy is higher and the desire to sacrifice something for the sake of another is also,” says psychoanalyst Yevgenia Gaiduchenko. But the basis of mature friendship is mature selfishness. Anything that causes too much inconvenience can be avoided. Proximity requires compromises, but you should not go for them to the detriment of yourself. The result of sacrifice is cumulative aggression, which sooner or later will break out and destroy the relationship.

That is why it is so important to learn how to express dissatisfaction. If you do not discuss problems, they will grow like a snowball. “To maintain trust, you need to get into the habit of expressing mutual claims,” says Marina Travkova, a family systems therapist. At the same time, it is important to remember that some conflicts can and even should be avoided. If yesterday a friend talked for two hours about what a scoundrel her husband is, and today she claims that they have reconciled and that she adores him, think about whether it is worth pointing out inconsistencies in her words right now? Sometimes it is useful to just listen - this will also give the psychological effect of support and assistance.

Invest

Relationships with a girlfriend should be preserved in the same way as all valuable connections: see their importance and continue to invest in them. “Such closeness is wealth, but, of course, not material,” explains family systemic therapist Maria Shumikhina. “Like relatives, friends make up our inner circle. In order not to lose this wealth, but, on the contrary, to increase it, two conditions must be met. First, friendship is based on the similarity of internal values. And both parties must be aware of the importance of the connection, openly acknowledge it and not allow devaluation. What does it look like in practice? Do not be afraid to once again say how much you value your relationship. Feel free to confess your feelings to your friend. The contribution can be care, support, time spent together, small gifts for no reason, exchange of information. Don't fall for the common misconception: "A friend in need is a friend." For the strength of the union, it is important to share both joyful and neutral moments of life.

Keep your distance

Surprisingly, communication requires distance. “There must be free space (“I am without you”), and a feeling of closeness (“you are near”), says Marina Travkova. From this point of view, conflicts in friendship can be conditionally divided into two types: excessive distance and strong rapprochement. In the first case, you can worry that a friend has distanced herself too much, she has neither time nor energy for us. In the second, on the contrary, it seems that a friend has come too close, “sticks” our time, requires more attention than we are able to give. There are usually only two ways out of such situations: a gap or a joint search for the optimal distance. It's not easy, but mutual trust and emotional intimacy usually develop in the process. This happens because without trust it is impossible to discuss painful moments, and the joint fight against problems really unites.

Change roles

Life's troubles sometimes place girlfriends in the famous Karpman-Bern triangle: they become a "victim", "rescuer" and "pursuer", running in circles. Today, for example, you act as an aggressor, blaming your girlfriend for not wanting to go to a party with you or for not being able to refuse a despotic boyfriend. And tomorrow you can switch roles: and the one that was the “victim” becomes the “rescuer”. healthy relationships- those when no one gets stuck in a role, you freely move from one to another. If you feel that you are frozen in a certain position, that you are “saving” your friend from something or someone all the time, this is a reason to be wary. This means that the relationship is no longer balanced.

adapt

“Some connections lose their relevance when reciprocity goes away,” says Elena Mzhelskaya, a psychologist and relationship expert. Symmetry, that is, the equivalence of the contribution of both parties to the relationship, is not some kind of stable, once and for all definite factor. Girls grow up, life situations change. Therefore, like any living organism, friendship must adapt to new conditions. Difficulties begin when you are not ready to change your relationship, taking into account the changed circumstances, but you are also not ready to stop communicating.

For example, with the advent of a man, we begin to trust all the secrets and secrets to him, and not to a girlfriend. “Interestingly, relations with a partner also do not benefit from this. We are overwhelmed with expectations, an excessive desire to receive everything from one person, ”explains Elena Mzhelskaya. By abandoning our girlfriends, we voluntarily isolate ourselves by replacing family life all the diversity of the environment.

In such a situation, the realization that this is only a certain stage through which almost all women go through will help to maintain friendship. “Some continue to live in isolation, but most understand that in some sense, on their own initiative, they have deprived themselves of something important and are re-establishing ties with their friends,” the psychologist continues. Sometimes it's worth just waiting it out: over time, when both sides get used to the new circumstances, the balance can be restored.

TEXT: Ekaterina Moiseeva

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