How to avoid pauses in a conversation with a girl on a date or when meeting. An awkward pause, or how not to be silent on the phone

Ka to avoid awkward pauses in conversation?

One of the most common communication problems is the awkward silence that occurs between interlocutors. Where and why might you encounter a similar problem? For example, you may not be in your social circle. Imagine that you, knowing nothing about football, came to a party where only fans gathered. But more often than not, the reason is that you are just afraid to look stupid and say something wrong. Excessive effort to make good impression, can only make it worse.

In order to avoid awkward silence and build a harmonious pleasant conversation:

1. Don't be perfect.
Realize that you can't always find the perfect answers and ask the perfect questions. The only person who expects this from you is yourself. There is a pause in the air as you choose your words carefully. If you can't find them, you get lost and start talking nonsense. In both cases, you look stupid. Relax. Excessive tension will only paralyze your mind, making it difficult for you to communicate with people.

2. Don't think too much.
When you think too much, all your attention tends to be inside you. You ponder every word you say, afraid to say something wrong and cannot choose which answer sounds more witty. It is not right. During a conversation, your attention should be focused on what is happening around you. Who are you talking to? What questions are you being asked? What topics are of interest to the interlocutor? Learn to feel in conversation like a fish in water.

3. Be curious.
When you experience negative emotions, you are closed. It creates a barrier between you and other people. Curiosity is a feeling that fills a person with anticipation and enthusiasm for discovering it. It makes you think about something interesting, instead of focusing on the troubles. So be curious! Of course, this does not mean that you should turn conversations into interrogations. In everything you need to know the measure. Alternate questions with statements. Ask the interlocutor - what is his favorite movie. After hearing the answer, tell us about your favorite movie.

4. Link.
Link topics one to another, making up a chain of dialogue. Did your interlocutor say that he bought a new tent? In response, tell a story about going camping with your brother. Ask if your interlocutor has a brother, etc. You can start a conversation with a discussion of the color of the stickers and end it with a discussion of global world problems. In order to come up with the first topic, just look around you.

5. Get ready.
Have in stock a few topics for conversations that you have thought up in advance. For example: The person you are talking to. Ask him about family, work or childhood. You will get to know this person better. Plus, people love to talk about themselves. Enthusiasm. People love to share positive emotions, and most often they are associated with hobbies. Last news. Stay up to date with the latest events and you can support any conversation.

6. Say what you think.
Sometimes it's nice to just chat about nothing, without thinking about the depth and relevance of the topic of conversation. Such chatter is light and easy, which is why it gives so much pleasure. Say what you think. There is nothing more pleasant than when your thoughts are consistent with your words. Don't try to impress anyone. Imagine that in front of you old friend. Be confident.

Interjections in English or how to fill in pauses in a conversation with a foreigner?

You are probably familiar with this situation: while communicating with a foreigner, you think over a thought in order to formulate it correctly in another language, and your interlocutor decides that you did not understand his remark or question. Or another situation: you speak very slowly, make long pauses, and it becomes unclear to the interlocutor whether you want to say something else or have already completed your thought.

How to avoid awkward situations in communication?

Most importantly, show with your facial expressions and motor skills that you understood what was said and are going to answer the question. In other words, make a thinking face. IN this case it is better to go too far and overplay, but still show the mental processes going on inside you with facial expressions, rather than stand with a straight face. In the second case, the foreigner will definitely think that you did not understand anything, and communication will be difficult.

While you think and choose the right words, there will be a pause. A long pause in a conversation always creates an unpleasant impression, so it is advisable to somehow fill it. As in Russian, we can use interjections for this.

It doesn't have to be the situation in which you're answering the question. It happens that you yourself tell something, but forget the word. While you remember, there is a pause again. To fill it in, you can use these short inserts:

Native speakers often insert constructions such as:

sort of… or kind of… - translated into Russian as “type”, “kind of like”

Speakers can abbreviate these constructions in colloquial speech to the following kind:

sorta... kinda...

For example:

He's sorta a banker - he's like a banker
I'm kinda busy - well, I'm kinda busy

These are colloquial constructions and, of course, you will not use them in formal speech.

You may also find the following words useful:

right ... - exactly, okay

ok - ok, good

In addition, you may find these phrases helpful:

hold on - wait, wait. If you are using it during telephone conversation, it will mean “do not hang up, wait, hang up”.
let's see - let's think

What if you don't know a word?

There are other reasons why there are awkward pauses in a conversation. For example, you may simply not know the word or phrase that your interlocutor uses. There is nothing to worry about, because we live in a world where many new words appear every day, and old ones fall into disuse or acquire new meanings, slang and idioms appear. You may meet an old-school person who uses some old-fashioned words, or you have to communicate with a Canadian or Australian from the outback. Agree, dialects can sometimes be very bizarre, including in Russian.

What would be the best way out in this situation? Learn all the words? It sounds attractive, especially if you use the Advance technology, with which you can really learn any number of words. However, this will be a difficult task for another reason. The fact is that some words may fall out of circulation before you have a chance to use them.

Therefore, as soon as you hear a word or phrase that you do not understand or do not fully understand, seize the chance to enrich your lexicon rather than batting your eyes or looking away. Two simple questions will help you.

What is “...”? - What's happened "..."? (instead of an ellipsis, insert an incomprehensible word)
What does “...” mean? - What means "..."? (instead of an ellipsis, insert an incomprehensible word)

For example, your interlocutor says: “I like jogging in the park.” And you don't know what jogging is. In this situation, you should ask: What is jogging? - What is "jogging"?

We do not recommend simply repeating an incomprehensible word with an interrogative intonation: jogging? jogging?! Your interlocutors may think that you just did not hear the word. It's better to ask a question. With rare exceptions, your interlocutors are ready to help you master the language, so they will gladly agree to explain the meaning of the word.

Memorize this short list of words in lively colloquial speech and try to use them during the next conversation in foreign language. You will notice that the dialogue becomes more lively, real and relaxed.

Woman. Advanced User Guide Michael Lvov

How to avoid awkward pauses

In fact, finding a topic of conversation is elementary. Look around you - there are a lot of interesting things in life. Today, for example, I’m leaving the house - and a black man comes towards me, drunk “to the point of amazement”, he has a bright yellow football scarf of our provincial team around his neck and he loudly (in Russian!) convinces passers-by that here he is an educated person and they are uneducated people. Spectacle! Subject?

But it is especially effective to create moments of intimacy during a conversation with questions (naturally, not asked on empty place) type:

Have you had an incident that shook you to the core?

What do others not understand about you?

What do you dream about?

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When lovers are near, no words are needed just to enjoy each other's company. But it is imperative to speak on the phone, because awkward pauses create a feeling of understatement and anxiety.

It is all the more important to know how not to remain silent on the phone if you are just starting to build a relationship with a person. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s a business conversation or an intimate one - in any case you need to understand what topics you can talk about in order to fill a moment of silence.

The phone is not for intimate conversations

Use the phone conversation only to break the news or arrange a date. All other topics should be discussed in person. When you look at the other person, you can see their reaction, receiving much more information than when using only the organ of hearing. In addition, when communicating face-to-face, it is easier to find a topic for discussion - talk about what you see around.

Perhaps you have friends who are not averse to chatting on the mobile, wean them too from this. If they become offended, say that you want to invest much more in friendship than just heart-to-heart talk. When you begin to meet more often, they will appreciate your desire.

Listen to the interlocutor

If you can’t avoid long conversations, be extremely attentive to the interlocutor. Most often, awkward pauses appear when the topic of conversation does not interest one of you. If you have been telling something fascinating for the last half hour, and silence has hung on the other end of the line, then you either overloaded the listener, or your story turned out to be irrelevant. Therefore, firstly, try to talk less and do not turn the dialogue into a monologue, and secondly, ask questions more often to find out the problems that concern him.

Respond appropriately to the words of your interlocutor. You may not be interested in all this, but be sure to show that you are actively listening. For example, throw replicas: “What are you doing?”, “And what's next?”, “It can't be, and what did you do?” and so on. If you get bored, try to shift communication in a different direction, otherwise pauses cannot be avoided. At times like these, you need to take the initiative.

If you are communicating with timid guy, and your relationship is just beginning, you should always have an interesting story in stock to keep the conversation going. For example, you were asked the question: “How are you?” . Having answered it in monosyllables, you again throw the ball into the field of another, and he will again have to invent new question to a girl for whom he may not be ready, because he does not know you at all yet. This is where the flirting ends. Tell him a little about what happened yesterday and today. Another option is to share what you read on the Internet today or discuss last news which may concern both of you.

So that you always have something to tell, live a bright life. The more impressions, communication with different people, the easier it will be to find desired topics. And there will definitely not be awkward pauses.

A familiar situation, sitting with a girl on a date and don't know what to talk to her about?

In this article, I will tell you about several ways that will help you avoid pauses while talking with a girl.

But before that, let's think with you, why do these pauses occur?
The three most common reasons are:

You don't know what to talk about
Are you nervous
Are you afraid to move on to the next stage?

This is a disease of all men, because when we do not know what to say, we begin to bombard the girl with questions and get very nervous. What you need to learn is communication protection. So that it doesn’t turn out that you have nothing to say to her, and you start asking the girl boring questions.

Technique 1 . Instead of boring questions, you can just do a statement about her last thought, and then ask an open question.

statement about her last sentence+ open question.
This can go on indefinitely.

-Tell me more about your music (Question)
-I sometimes write songs, and my friends play in a group in various underground institutions, we bring our creativity to the masses (Answer)
-When I was 15 I dyed my hair red, wore grinders and thought I was the star of the school (Statement). Have you had something similar? (Question)
- A little bit, I didn't really dye my hair pink, but I had piercings in my eyebrow and tongue. My parents weren't very happy about it (HER answer)
- I can imagine, you probably often brought deuces from school (Statement). What other instruments can you play? (Question)
- I tried a lot, studied in music school piano, played the guitar. And after traveling around Asia, I mastered the flute. (Answer)
-I like to travel, I recently returned from Thailand, it's great to relax there. (Statement). What are your favorite Asian dishes? (Question)
-I really liked Chinese food blah blah blah (Answer)

So you do not ask the question directly, but soften it

Technique 2. Repeat her last phrase , so she will understand that you are interested in what she says. (no need to do this all the time) - active listening technique.

-I like to go with my friends to play billiards.
- So you like to play billiards. How else do you spend your time?

Technique 3. For the strong. called meaningful silence. When a girl stops talking, don't answer, just give her an appraising look, nod your head "Hmm." Try it. If she feels social discomfort from the pause that has arisen, she will continue to speak herself, which means she will increase investments.

But you can't say anything about yourself at all. At the attraction stage, there is a 90/10 rule, which means that you must reveal your personality to the girl to some extent. She can even ask herself, “But I don’t know anything about you, we’ve been talking about me all this time.” So get ready to talk about yourself too. Additionally, you can read the article -.