Parental expectations and school reality: how mom can make friends with the school. What do you expect from attending school
Teachers and parents need to listen to each other, act together, cooperate - all participants in our discussion agree with this. We expect teachers to be sensitive, attentive and fair, and teachers believe that the child is raised primarily by parents.
Although not only...Anna Popova, 50, teacher preparatory class at the Pirogov school.
Natalia Demchenko, 37, financial manager, mother of Yana, 10, and Mikhail, 16.
Aleksey Kuznetsov, 44, history teacher at gymnasium No. 1543.
Olga Dvornyakova, 32, PR director, mother of Anton, 10, and Daniil, 12.
psychology: What do parents expect when sending their child to school?
Anna: Expectations are very different. It is important for the ambitious that the child study at a prestigious school - and receive knowledge, and it was not a shame to say where he studies. Usually such parents want their child to succeed in something that they did not succeed in themselves. Others aim to give at all costs better education. Whether he is ready to go to school, whether he can study in advanced programs is not so important. The main thing is education. By any means. And in terms of education, they have a huge request: “We gave it to you, and you educate it, didn’t they teach you this?” There are quite a few people who care that their children feel good and calm at school (especially primary school). Often these are those who themselves felt uncomfortable at school, or those who see that the child has difficulties: he is shy or, conversely, hyperactive ... They do not want to focus on this. Finally, some parents are unable or unwilling to choose a school due to different reasons and send the child to the nearest one. Their principle: as it will be, so it will be.
“THE RULES ARE KNOWN IN ADVANCE: I WARN PARENTS THAT I FORBIDDEN SOME THINGS FOR CHILDREN TO DO” ANNA
Alexei: I will tell you about another type of parents that did not exist before. The old Soviet school clearly indicated to moms and dads their place: to hand over money, help take the little ones to the circus and come when called to get a reprimand. Which, of course, was wrong. But today there are more and more parents who build their relationship with the school according to the consumption model: “I am a consumer, the school is a provider of educational services. Here is a list of services that you provide me, and it will be convenient for me if you (school, teacher) report on e-mail. If the services are not of proper quality, I reserve the right to turn where I should. What distinguishes the current situation from the Soviet one is the opportunity to choose a school, at least in big cities. Seeing that the child is uncomfortable, parents can start to fight, or they can pick him up and give him where he will feel good.
What do you do if your parents do not agree with your decision, demand, punishment? ..
Anna: I prefer the rules to be known in advance. At the first parent-teacher meeting (we hold it six months before the start of classes), I warn parents that there are things that I do not allow. For example, I do not allow fighting. If they object to me that a boy should be able to stand up for himself, I immediately say that in this place we will have a discrepancy. I also do not allow to offend and tease each other ... If this happens, I will begin to make comments, and make them strictly. And I won’t make any concessions to my parents, I’ll still forbid it.
Alexei: I agree, the rules help, but it happens that at the moment when they are announced, everyone agrees, and then, when it comes to a particular bruise under a particular eye, parents will interpret the situation in favor of their child.
What helps you establish a constructive dialogue?
Alexei: Last year, I took class leadership for the first time in the fifth grade and in the fall I met with all the parents, talked with them one on one. First of all, I wanted them to tell me about the child: how they see it. Thanks to these meetings, I learned a lot, not so much about children, but about parents.
Do parents want you to raise students?
Alexei: I have never heard: "You will learn a paragraph with my child, but do not interfere in education." On the other hand, everyone wants us to educate - but what exactly? Last year, the children wrote the exam in Russian. We asked them not to bring cribs. At the same time, in the classroom where the exam was held (in another school, and the children were not only ours), everyone used what they wanted, except that the teachers were not asked to go online. The next day, my mother came in, indignant: "Now because of your honesty, they will receive less points than those who cheated." This mother wants us to raise her child? Wants. But it is not ready for practical consequences.
Question to parents: how do you feel when your children go to school?
Olga: Last year our eldest son entered fifth grade. We patiently waited until the first difficult months passed, he would get used to and get carried away by some new subject - so that he himself would be interested, so that there would not be such an endless series of everyday life: he came to school, did time, came home, did his homework, the next day the same thing ... But what I definitely didn’t expect was that all the teachers at the meetings would unanimously exclaim: “Your children are just terribly behaving, they can’t adapt to high school! Do something with them!" I tried to talk to the class teacher, but everything happens so quickly, the teacher has no time for anything: to think, discuss what to do.
“FROM TEACHERS I EXPECT VERY LITTLE: TO CONSIDER, AT LEAST A LITTLE LITTLE, THE INDIVIDUALITY OF MY CHILD” NATALIA
Natalia: In my opinion, parents involuntarily pass on their initial attitude to school to the child. I always wanted children to perceive school as a big and fascinating world, where there is everything - friends, teachers, study, human relations. And I expect very little from teachers: to take into account, at least a little, the individuality of the child. According to my feelings, now teachers have become callous, and their indifference sometimes devalues the efforts of children. There was a case when the children were given a creative task, they tried, did it, their parents were attracted, but the teacher did not even check it! I also want the child to be given what he deserves: sometimes it is easier and more profitable for the teacher to put an undeserved four instead of a well-deserved three ... And they would not disregard the efforts of a supernumerary three-year-old student, for whom a decent result is almost a feat.
Olga: Once the son received a deuce, we found out why, he redid the task, but the deuce remained. I advised him to approach the teacher and ask how he could improve his grade. And do you know what she said? - "No way".
Alexei: In our country, there are 1.2 million teachers for every 90 million working citizens - this is the most popular profession. And there is a huge number of those who, by and large, have nothing to do at school. What you are talking about is a fundamental defect not of the school, but of our bureaucratic state, which pushes us to hold demonstration events, for show. If today the teacher is studying individual work with a child, realizing that this will not add points anywhere, then this is a unique teacher, wonderful, he is in his place.
“IN ISSUES OF EDUCATION THE LAST WORDS SHOULD ALWAYS BE REMAINED WITH PARENTS” ALEXEY
What do you do if the teacher is wrong?
Natalia: I had a similar situation with my daughter. She is a shy girl, she won't always stand up and say even if she knows the answer. And she will never go to find out anything. But then I saw that the teacher corrected the correctly spelled word in her notebook to the wrong one. I did not give any characteristics to the teacher, but tried to explain how this could happen. If the child can defend his position, competently, calmly, then it is better to do it. But the teacher did not admit her mistake and left everything as it is. Then I had to tell my daughter that she did everything right, and the teacher, apparently, was busy with something and could not figure it out.
Alexei: Yes, unfortunately, very few of us are able to admit that we made a mistake ...
Olga: Once, when I saw several twos in a row in a magazine, I could not restrain myself and asked where they were from. To which the teacher answered me that the boy answers questions in monosyllables, does not know how to reason and analyze. It seems to me that she could stop at the second deuce and discuss this story with us: call, write in her diary ... She knew that he had recently moved, he had new family(I him foster mother), he is shy to express his thoughts in front of everyone. It would be important for me that he was understood, listened to, and treated with care.
Should the teacher delve into the intricacies of family circumstances?
Anna: Certainly! That is why I invite parents to “joke around” - to tell about the characteristics of the child, about health, to tell things that may affect his behavior. Or if something serious happens - for example, a dog has died. Of course, I need to know about it, I must be ready for any situation.
Alexei: Usually the kids tell me everything themselves. Sometimes in hindsight. Or they talk about each other, it's easier for them.
How do you understand the cooperation between teachers and parents?
Alexei: We are partners in the process of raising and educating children. In matters of education the last word is left to the parents: I will never insist on something if it goes against the opinion of mom or dad. And teachers should do the training; If parents help us, it's great. Any situation can be resolved if there is an understanding that we are acting together. The child is the third party of this process. As partners, we have both rights and obligations. But it's not on paper. School is a delicate matter, like a theater. Imagine: at a performance, instead of a program, you are given a sheet with the rights of a spectator ... At school, you can’t paint everything either. Collaborate in difficult situation not easy. What does it look like? I, as a teacher or I, as a parent, can not go into confrontation, but step back, cool down and think: maybe everything is not quite as it seems to me ...
Why is cooperation difficult?
Alexei: Because people are different. Is it easy for two parents to cooperate while raising a child?
Anna: Because of pride. In women, it often focuses on children. Listen to how they say: “Mine (mine) should be the best”, “He should play the piano, violin, should get fives”, “He is still two years old, and he already knows the letters”, “And I graduated from school at the age of 16." Mothers are proud of their children, and, in general, they have something to be proud of. But they are not ready to cooperate, because they do not hear anyone around them. This year, I begged one mother not to send her son to school, he could not sit still for five minutes. I said that he had not played his own yet, that his nervous system not ready for loads ... In response, I heard: “What will he play with toys until the tenth grade?” What cooperation could I offer her?
Is it important to you to be respected?
Anna: I don't. My father always believed that teachers should be respected, the teacher is always right. And I tell him: it's hard to respect someone who humiliates you. A teacher can be a good mother or wife, but when she yells at a child or knocks with her fist, she must be forgiven, be indulgent towards her. It is important to help children see the teacher as a person. The way he is. In time to tell them that everyone can make a mistake, do bad things - and I, and you, my friend, too.
Alexei: The teaching profession was somewhat overrated. By objective reasons. For many in the 1950s, let's say, the teacher was the only source knowledge. People lived in barracks, there were no books at home, their parents had three grades of education... Now we have other sources of information, it is possible to compare. It turned out that teachers ordinary people, themselves often poorly educated, wound up, weak ... So you can’t bring up the cult of a teacher in a child! “The word of the teacher is the law” – no, it is not. But parents who show their disrespect for teachers are simply ill-bred.
For children, especially in high school, it is important that the teacher not only teaches, but also speaks from the heart ...
Alexei: At our graduation this year, the children said: “Thank you not only for your lessons, but also for our conversations in these lessons about important things. For tea after class. For travel. For hikes. After another child gave this to another teacher, I told the director: “Actually, it’s time to close our office. Physicists are thanked for talking about lyrics. The lyrics are for talking about physics. Nobody works!”
Anna: They will all learn in the end. But heart to heart and brotherly - this is very important.
Alexei: It’s good for you to say - in elementary school! ..
…Recently alone close friend asked me a question: “What do you want from the school as a parent? What should she give your children?” It is clear that there is a common desire for all parents to protect their children: sending them to school, we do not want at least something to happen to them there. In other words, we must be sure of their safety in the broadest sense of the word. It is unlikely that anyone will argue with this. What else do we expect for our children from school? What more could you want? After thinking, I answered then that I would like the school to become a qualitative stage of socialization, so that my children learn to communicate with their peers and with adults. And, of course, perhaps, first of all, they learned to navigate the world of science and the world of art (the Church and the family should teach them to live in the world of religion). My friend said to this: “You understand that most parents want something completely different from school. And, in general, one thing: for the school to guarantee, ensure that their children enter the university. Of course, there is nothing bad in such a desire of parents. But it seems to me that entering an institute should be a kind of application, one of the results of a real goal-setting of studies. At least the one I tried to formulate with the help of my friend. This means that the goal of the school itself is something more serious and important than just going to college. (In parentheses, although not at all in the margins of the problem, the question remains: if my friend is right and most parents want something very different, can anything seriously change at school?)
The wrong goal is not as harmless as it might seem. Recently, I took the entrance exam for graduates and, not satisfied with the answer of one applicant, I said in my heart: “Well, how did you read this novel ?!” And she replied: “How did you read? It's simple: they were preparing for the exam.
And I have a feeling that everything that is invested in a child up to the 10th grade, then rolls into the asphalt with this “skating rink” of preparing for the Unified State Examination. At least two recent years schooling, our children do not study in the usual sense until recently, but are preparing to take tests. Of course, this training also develops certain skills, etc., but I personally cannot call it a full-fledged educational process. And this despite the fact that I cannot classify myself as an absolute opponent of the USE or the test system as such. On the contrary, I believed and continue to believe that of all possible ways testing knowledge and skills, the test is the most objective thing. At least always more objective than any type of oral exam. But - and this is the most important thing now - with the help of the test, a very specific set of these very knowledge and skills is checked. And this set cannot exhaust the results of the educational process, no matter how much we improve the test itself (this is to the question that all USE problems- in the unsatisfactory so far the tests themselves; Yes, it’s not about the composition of the tests, but about the essence of the test tasks). The trouble is that from the verification tool, from one of the instruments, the test becomes almost an end in itself.
We invited teachers and parents to Psychologies to talk about the role of each side in the process of raising and educating children. The following took part in the discussion:
Anna Popova, teacher of the preparatory class at the Pirogov school;
Alexey Kuznetsov, history teacher at gymnasium No. 1543;
Olga Dvornyakova, PR director, mother of Anton (10 years old) and Daniil (12 years old);
Natalia Demchenko, financial manager, mother of Yana (10 years old) and Mikhail (16 years old).
psychology: What do parents expect when sending their child to school?
Anna:
Expectations are very different. It is important for the ambitious that the child study at a prestigious school - and receive knowledge, and it was not a shame to say where he studies. Usually such parents want their child to succeed in something that they did not succeed in themselves. Others want to give a better education at all costs.
Whether he is ready to go to school, whether he can study in advanced programs is not so important. The main thing is education. By any means. And in terms of education, they have a huge request: “We gave it to you, and you educate it, didn’t they teach you this?” There are many people who care about the child being happy and calm at school, especially primary school. Often these are those who themselves felt uncomfortable at school, or those who see that the child has difficulties: he is shy or, conversely, hyperactive. They don't want to be focused on it.
Finally, some parents cannot or do not want to choose a school for a variety of reasons and send their child to the nearest one. Their principle: as it will be, so it will be.
Alexei:
I will tell you about another type of parents that did not exist before. The old Soviet school clearly indicated to moms and dads their place: to hand over money, help take the little ones to the circus and come when called to get a reprimand. Which, of course, was wrong.
Seeing that the child is uncomfortable, parents can start to fight, or they can pick him up and give him where he will feel good
But today there are more and more parents who build relationships with the school according to the consumption model: “I am a consumer, the school is a provider of educational services. Here is a list of services that you provide me, and it will be convenient for me if you report by e-mail. If the services are not of proper quality, I reserve the right to turn where I should.
What distinguishes the current situation from the Soviet one is the opportunity to choose a school, at least in big cities. Seeing that the child is uncomfortable, parents can start to fight, or they can pick him up and give him where he will feel good.
What do you do if your parents do not agree with your decision, demand, punishment? ..
Anna:
I prefer the rules to be known in advance. At the first parent-teacher meeting, which we hold six months before the start of classes, I warn parents that there are things that I do not allow. For example, I do not allow fighting. If they object to me that a boy should be able to stand up for himself, I immediately say that in this place we will have a discrepancy.
I also do not allow to offend and tease each other. If this happens, I will start to make comments, and make them strictly. And I won't make any concessions to my parents.
Alexei:
I agree, the rules help, but it happens that at the moment when they are announced, everyone agrees, and then, when it comes to a particular bruise under a particular eye, parents will interpret the situation in favor of their child.
From left to right: Anna Popova, Natalya Demchenko, Alexei Kuznetsov, Olga Dvornyakova.
What helps you establish a constructive dialogue?
Alexei:
Last year, I took class leadership for the first time in the fifth grade and in the fall I met with all the parents, talked with them one on one. First of all, I wanted them to tell me about the child: how they see it. Thanks to these meetings, I learned a lot, not so much about children, but about parents.
Do parents want you to raise students?
Alexei:
I have never heard: "You will learn a paragraph with my child, but do not interfere in education." On the other hand, everyone wants us to educate - but what exactly?
Last year, the children wrote the exam in Russian. We asked them not to bring cribs. The exam was held at another school, and there were not only our children. In the classroom, everyone used what they wanted, except that the teachers were not asked to go online. The next day, my mother came in, indignant: "Now because of your honesty, they will receive less points than those who cheated." This mother wants us to raise her child? Wants. But it is not ready for practical consequences.
Question to parents: how do you feel when your children go to school?
Olga:
Last year our eldest son entered fifth grade. We patiently waited until the first difficult months passed, he would get used to and get carried away by some new subject - so that he himself would be interested, so that there would not be such an endless series of everyday life: he came to school, did time, came home, did his homework, the next day same thing.
But what I definitely didn’t expect was that all the teachers at the meetings would exclaim with one voice: “Your children are just behaving terribly, they can’t adapt to high school in any way! Do something with them!" I tried to talk to the class teacher, but everything happens so quickly, the teacher has no time for anything: to think, discuss what to do.
Natalia:
In my opinion, parents involuntarily pass on their initial attitude to school to the child. I always wanted children to perceive school as a big and fascinating world, where there is everything - friends, teachers, study, human relations. And I expect very little from teachers: to take into account, at least a little, the individuality of the child.
Sometimes it is easier and more profitable for a teacher to put an undeserved four instead of a well-deserved three
According to my feelings, now teachers have become callous, and their indifference sometimes devalues the efforts of children. There was a case when the children were given a creative task, they tried, did it, their parents were attracted, but the teacher did not even check it! I also want the child to be given what he deserves: sometimes it is easier and more profitable for the teacher to put an undeserved four instead of a well-deserved three. And they would not disregard the efforts of a supernumerary three-year-old, for whom a decent result is almost a feat.
Olga:
Once the son received a deuce, we found out why, he redid the task, but the deuce remained. I advised him to approach the teacher and ask how he could improve his grade. And do you know what she said? - "No way".
Alexei:
In our country, there are 1.2 million teachers for 90 million working citizens - this is the most massive profession. And there is a huge number of those who, by and large, have nothing to do at school. What you are talking about is a fundamental defect not of the school, but of our bureaucratic state, which pushes us to hold demonstration events. If today a teacher is engaged in individual work with a child, realizing that they will not add points anywhere, then this is a unique teacher, wonderful, he is in his place.
What do you do if the teacher is wrong?
Natalia:
I had a similar situation with my daughter. She is a shy girl, she won't always stand up and say even if she knows the answer. And she will never go to find out anything. But then I saw that the teacher corrected the correctly spelled word in her notebook to the wrong one. I did not give any characteristics to the teacher, but tried to explain how this could happen.
If the child can defend his position, competently, calmly, then it is better to do it. But the teacher did not admit her mistake and left everything as it is. Then I had to tell my daughter that she did everything right, and the teacher, apparently, was busy with something and could not figure it out.
Alexei:
Yes, unfortunately, very few of us are able to admit that we made a mistake ...
Olga:
Once, when I saw several twos in a row in a magazine, I could not restrain myself and asked where they were from. To which the teacher replied that the boy answers questions in monosyllables, does not know how to reason and analyze. It seems to me that she could stop at the second deuce and discuss this story with us: call, write in her diary ... She knew that he had recently moved, he had a new family, I was his foster mother. He is embarrassed to express his thoughts in front of everyone. It would be important for me that he was understood, listened to, and treated with care.
Should the teacher delve into the intricacies of family circumstances?
Anna:
Certainly! That is why I invite parents to “joke around” - to tell about the characteristics of the child, about health, to tell things that may affect his behavior. Or if something serious happens - for example, a dog has died. Of course, I need to know about it, I must be ready for any situation.
Alexei:
Usually the kids tell me everything themselves. Sometimes in hindsight. Or they talk about each other, it's easier for them.
How do you understand the cooperation between teachers and parents?
Alexei:
We are partners in the process of raising and educating children. In matters of upbringing, the parents have the last word: I will never insist on something if it goes against the opinion of mom or dad. Teachers should be teaching. If parents help us, it's great. Any situation can be resolved if there is an understanding that we are acting together.
The child is the third party of this process. As partners, we have both rights and obligations. But it's not on paper. School is a delicate matter, like a theater. Imagine: at a performance, instead of a program, you are given a leaflet with the rights of a spectator. At school, too, you can’t paint everything. Collaboration in a difficult situation is not easy. What does it look like? I, as a teacher or I, as a parent, can not go into confrontation, but step back, cool down and think: maybe everything is not quite as it seems to me.
Why is cooperation difficult?
Alexei:
Because people are different. Is it easy for two parents to cooperate while raising a child?
Anna:
Because of pride. In women, it often focuses on children. Listen to how they say: “My child should be the best”, “He should play the piano, violin, should get an A”, “He is still two years old, and he already knows the letters”, “And I graduated from school at 16 years". Mothers are proud of their children, and, in general, they have something to be proud of. But they are not ready to cooperate, because they do not hear anyone around them.
This year, I begged one mother not to send her son to school, he could not sit still for five minutes. I said that he had not yet played his part, that his nervous system was not ready for stress. In response, I heard: “What will he play with toys until the tenth grade?” What cooperation could I offer her?
"The teacher's word is law" - no, it's not. But parents who show their disrespect for teachers are simply ill-bred.
Now we have other sources of information, it is possible to compare. It turned out that teachers are ordinary people, themselves often poorly educated, worn out, weak ... So you can’t bring up the cult of a teacher in a child! "The teacher's word is law" - no, it's not. But parents who show their disrespect for teachers are simply ill-bred.
For children, especially in high school, it is important that the teacher not only teaches, but also speaks from the heart ...
Alexei:
At our graduation this year, the children said: “Thank you not only for your lessons, but also for our conversations in these lessons about important things. For tea after class. For travel. For hikes. After another child gave this to another teacher, I told the director: “Actually, it’s time to close our office. Physicists are thanked for talking about lyrics. Lyrica - for talking about physics. Nobody is working!”
Anna:
They will all learn in the end. But heart to heart and brotherly - this is very important.
Alexei:
It’s good for you to say - in elementary school! ..
"Children will not be scared away by severity, they cannot stand only lies."
Lev Tolstoy.
We teachers believe that a quality lesson- this is a "rich" lesson, when a lot can be done in the lesson, using a variety of forms of work. What lesson, what extracurricular activity like children, what do students and their parents want from the school?
1st section.
What do children need from school?
Than listening to a sermon
I'd better take a look.
And it's better to take me
Than show me the way.
Eyes are smarter than hearing
They will understand everything without difficulty.
Words are sometimes confused
An example is never.
That best preacher
Who had faith in life.
Welcome to see it in action
Here is the best of Schools.
And if you show me everything
I'll learn my lesson.
School- First of all, it teaches, but it must also develop the abilities of students, teach them to apply the acquired knowledge.
Today, we do not cease to believe that education is "guidance on the true path." This is nothing more than an authoritarian method of interaction with their students. Oddly enough, at school, students see the work of the teacher. Such class teams are active in city and school events. The authoritarian method helps to reveal the individuality of students. An example of this is the teams of 6-b, 7-a, 8-a, 9-b classes. The talents of the student can be considered in extracurricular, extracurricular activities. But today in a public school Creative skills are the least developed. Children are distrustful and careless towards creativity. The reason is that in school the learning process comes first, and the upbringing process comes second. This makes the creative process difficult. Low performance in learning activities leads to the fact that the student loses the need for beauty. If the student does not respect his work, he has no desire and works himself. Respect in the student must be nurtured. A child in school should enjoy what he has done. This should be appreciated by those around you. Only in this case the child has a desire in creativity.
What is the first thing children need from school?
A survey conducted among students in grades 7,9,10,11 showed:
- Willingly attend school - 50%;
- Do the lessons with desire - 30%;
- Fiction read - 45%;
And yet, what do children need from school in the first place?
The students of the school were given a questionnaire that included ten questions:
- The teachers treat me well
- I am interested in the lesson
- I understand the teacher's explanations
- I discover something new in class
- I get a lot in class useful information _________________
- My knowledge of the subject is strong and I remember what I learned earlier ___
- Homework for me is feasible _____________________
- Lessons are varied
- I enjoy and actively work at the lesson ___________________
- I go to class with pleasure
The survey showed that some students most need a good attitude towards themselves from the teacher. It dominates the primary school. Others need lessons to be varied. This desire prevails in high school. A comparative analysis of the students' answers showed that the more the student is satisfied with the relationship with the teachers, the higher he evaluates what is happening in the lesson. At the same time, knowledge on the subject is more firmly acquired. Children go to such lessons with great pleasure and are ready to actively express themselves there.
The survey shows that in elementary, basic, secondary school, children need the teacher's explanations to be understandable. The clearer the teacher explains, the stronger the knowledge. It is important for the student that everything in the lesson is clear, interesting, and the relationship between the teacher and the student does not have a formal character. Almost all students recognize the usefulness and necessity for themselves of the acquired knowledge. In other words, in the lesson, according to the students, a variety of teaching methods should be used, which directly affects the satisfaction of students with the educational process at school. And the main thing is good attitude to yourself from the teacher.
The ten questions in the questionnaire can be grouped into two groups. Some \1,2,3,5,8\ are directly related to the teacher - these are the methods of work and the attitude towards students. Others - \4,6,7,8,9,10 \ - are related to the student - this is the emotional sphere, learning skills. And if we compare the results of the questionnaires, then we can conclude: there is a significant gap and it shows that we do not always take into account the personal characteristics of the child. Where student satisfaction is greater, the quality of education is higher. The survey shows that students in grades 7-8 lack a positive relationship with the teacher.
Students in grades 9-11 are satisfied with the relationship with teachers, but there is not enough variety of forms and methods of work in the classroom. What is the reason for this difference?
We will divide these questionnaires into two groups: one is the methods of work in the lesson \3, 5, 6, 7, 8\ and the other is the motivation of students \1,2,4,9,10\.
Now let's analyze the children's answers. The analysis allows us to conclude that teachers effectively use teaching methods, rather than motivation methods. This is very well reflected in the questionnaires of grades 7-8. Students lack the motivating influence of the teacher. Students are more likely to feel that teachers treat them badly.
For students in grades 9-11, this is no longer so relevant, for them the skill of the teacher is more important - various forms of work in the classroom. Based on the results of the survey, the following can be identified:
It is important for the student:
- clarity of explanation;
- feasibility homework;
- diversity and fascination of work in the lesson;
- motivation is a good attitude.
The survey shows that the school does not fully realize the creative abilities of students. Although there are plenty of circles in the school. To date, students are working with interest in the classroom: "Skillful Needle", "YUID", "Khromochka" and this year "Journalism", "Souvenir".
To the question - What would you like to receive from the school while studying there?
80% answered- KNOWLEDGE and GOOD FRIENDS.
What do parents need from a school?
2nd section. What do parents expect from school?
The father congratulated his son on his birthday:
“You are seventeen. Well, quite big!
And you'll get permission in a year
For sins of adults:
For a smoke and a glass of wine, my dear!"
The son looked thoughtfully out the window:
"Thanks, dad, for the hi.
But cigarettes, vodka and wine
It's been three years since I gave it all up."
This poem by E. Asadov causes a smile, but at the same time it immediately makes you think about the problem ... What?
The father knew nothing about the life of his son, about his habits, about his actions.
But such families are found all the time. Families where children and parents live without trying to understand each other, without knowing inner world close people, not knowing his problems. In most families, disunity, even alienation, reigns. Hence, the desire arises in children to leave home, to communicate with people who understand them, and do not saw and find fault with them constantly. The majority of children who commit delinquency and crime grow up in such families, in dysfunctional families. The family can be complete and the parents are not drunkards, but if alienation reigns in the family, disrespect for each other, there is no mutual understanding, trust is dysfunctional family. A survey was conducted among children and parents:
And what kind of family do we consider dysfunctional?
- 7th grades - when parents swear, drink - 60%
- 10 classes - where there is no mutual understanding, but quarrels reign - 70%.
What annoys you about the generation of "fathers"?
- 7th grade - NOTHING - 50%,
- they follow a lot - 20%.
What would parents like to receive from the school?
- Knowledge-80%.
How often do parents spend free time with baby?
- 7th grade - 60%
- 9 classes - 30%
- 11 classes-10%
Do parents know their children's friends?
- 7th grade - 90%
- 9th grade - 60%
- 11th grade - 30%
Are you experiencing difficulties interacting with your parents?
- 7th grade - NO - 80%
- 9th grades - NO - 40%
- Grades 11 - NO -20% \ parents do not understand, they annoy with their demands.
- On one of parent meetings debate was held on "Fathers and Sons". Parents and children were asked questions in turn:
1. Name the traits that characterize a dysfunctional family.
Answers:
Parents- drinking family where there is no control.
Children- A family where there is no mutual understanding.
2. List the characteristics of a happy family.
Answers:
Parents- financially secure family.
Children- a family where parents respect their child.
3. What annoys you the most about the “father” generation?
Answers:
Children- Parents are not the ability to compromise.
4. What annoys you the most about the “kids” generation?
Answer:
Parents- irresponsibility of children.
5. In what way would you like to be like the "fathers"?
Answer:
Children- Be smart.
6. How would you like to be like "children"?
Answer:
Parents- Carelessness.
7. What do you parents want from the school?
Answer:
Comprehensively developed and educated child.
You see that the answers are contradictory. These contradictions cause conflict situations in families. Initially, there are problems, but this is not yet a conflict. A dispute that has arisen is not yet a quarrel. How can one stay on this fragile line without offending another person, without humiliating his dignity?
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to avoid quarrels and conflicts. Often we do not want to put ourselves in the opponent's place and defend the position of our rightness to the point of hoarseness and on this we make even more problems.
3rd section. What does the school give to its students?
A “graduate model” has been developed. This model is an idea of what the school should give students. The school should give its students not only certain knowledge, skills, but also worldview qualities, moral values.
Monitoring was carried out among the students of the school.
7-a, 9-a, 11-a, 11-b classes learn and successfully develop their abilities.
7-b, 7-c, 9-c classrooms - here, first of all, training and education takes place. We perceive education as "instruction on the true path." It follows from this that an authoritarian method of interaction with students is carried out in the classroom.
Parents want the school to be sensitive to their pupils and to be able to reveal and nurture their talents, but too many school rules are dictated from outside. It doesn't give a chance for real realize individual approach to children.
Talents can be developed mainly in extracurricular, extracurricular activities. But to the question: “What qualities of yours never appear at school?”
The answer is talent and creativity. So it turns out that the creative abilities within the walls of the school are the least developed. Children are careless and distrustful of creativity. The main thing is the result, and not the quality of this result \ the main thing is participation in the event, and not what this participation will be \.
In fact, there should be satisfaction from what you have done; others should also admire it.
The survey shows that, in the opinion of children, the school does not fully utilize their creative abilities.
Teaching methods, as can be seen from the questionnaires, are the same, while the educational efforts of teachers in the classroom are based on different principles, which leads to different indicators of the participation of class teams in general school affairs and city programs.
Recently, the school has been expected to become an institution that allows not only to teach, but also to adapt the younger generation to the conditions of modern life. The school has always fulfilled this function and tried to somehow even out those bends of character that the child acquired in a family, often dysfunctional.
A survey of students shows that in most cases parents are not interested in success at school, friends of their children.
Question- Do you know your child's friends?
The answer is both YES and NO.
Are you having difficulty interacting with your child?
In the 9th grade, 80% answered YES.
| Questionnaire questions: | Primary School | Main school | high school | |||
| Yes | No | Yes | No | Yes | No | |
| Do you know the child's friends? | 99% | 80% | 60% | |||
| Are you experiencing difficulties interacting with your child? | 90% | 60% | ||||
| How often do you spend your free time with your child? | 90% | 60% | 90% | |||
| Does your child love doing household chores? | 70% | 70% | 80% | |||
| Are you able to influence your child? | 100% | 80% | 70% | |||
Parents, without interfering in most cases in the process of education and upbringing, want the child to receive at school: intelligence, the ability to communicate and be a personality, i.e. was well adapted in society.
It is possible to conduct a questionnaire in grades 9.11 to determine the priorities of the educational process:
1. Would you bring your children to our school:
- I'm at a loss.
2. What does the school give the student? \ underline \
- teaches specific subjects;
- teaches to decide life problems;
- teaches communication;
- educates correct behavior;
- develops abilities;
- a person gets to know himself better;
- gives the opportunity to communicate with peers;
- gives you the opportunity to express yourself.
3. What qualities, necessary for a person in life, should a school develop in its students?
4. What qualities of yours never show up in school?
5. Is life easier or harder at school with a class teacher?
6. What does the school give you?
- teaches;
- educates;
- reveals abilities;
- reveals talents;
- other.
7. What will you remember school for?
The survey shows that while studying at school, some students receive communication skills at school, while others lack the ability to work in a team. But in general, much depends on the activities of the class teacher. It is he who teaches independence, the ability to interact with others, but a positive result will be if certain skills are laid down from childhood and parents are not indifferent to the educational process.
To the question- What will you remember school for in the first place?
There were answers:
- For teaching me independence.
- For the development of responsibility.
- For a good friendly atmosphere in the classroom.
- For the fact that she taught to understand what is worth doing and what is not.
The survey of graduates was as follows.
Why do graduates remember the school more often?
There were answers:
- For knowledge. \If the teacher loves his subject. \
- For teachers. \ If the teacher respects his students and sees their talents \.
- For a friendly class. \ If an atmosphere of mutual understanding and cohesion was created in the class \.
For all this to happen, we must know what the students want for themselves, what they expect, in order to offer it to them later. And to have the courage to correct what is not good for the development of our younger generation. And, perhaps, then, all our graduates will want to bring their children to us.
Bibliography:
- Scientific and methodical journal Classroom teacher, Moscow, 2007, No.-6.
- Methodological newspaper - School management, 2007, No.-20.
- School Director, 2007, No. 7.
- Tell me, please, where should I go from here?
- Where do you want to go? - answered the Cat.
- I don't care ... - said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter where you go,” said the Cat.
- ... just to get somewhere, - Alice explained.
"You're bound to get somewhere," said the Cat.
- You just have to walk long enough...
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
- Have you thought about why you sent your child to school?
- What result do you expect from attending school for 11 years?
- Do you have precise definition, in addition to the vague “you need to gain knowledge in order to then enter a university, and then get a job”?
Most often, participants want:
1. For the child to finish school/class only with good grades- 4 and 5, passed on high score OGE / EGE.
2. Return the child's interest in learning, relieve him of the fear of teachers, objects, large volume educational material.
3. To help the child master the school curriculum faster, easier, better, while freeing up time that can be spent more interestingly. Diversify activities, find new hobbies.
I suggest you do the same - so we can understand whether we are looking in one direction, whether we are on the way.
Goal #1 very rarely chosen. It pleases me. Learning to drive more information into the child’s head, which magic button to press so that right now the child will show the results that US and teachers need is a dead end goal, it has no solution. From experience - such mothers are constantly on the verge of depression, pulling themselves and the child, buzzing over him like a Friendship chainsaw. As a result - neurosis, hysteria, the child is "closed" from the parents. An increase in the level of stress hormones does not bode well: the ability to learn, remember and concentrate is dulled.
“Our knowledge of the brain makes us wonder what happens to mental health of people. I must tell you responsibly that there is an increase in psycho-neurological diseases in humanity. They are about to come out on top, which has always been occupied by cardio and oncological diseases, that is, we may find ourselves in a situation where a large part of the population will become mentally inadequate, ”- T. Chernigovskaya.
By the way, the achievement of goals No. 2 and 3 entails the fulfillment of the first :) A little later you will understand why.
I must say right away that I was far from being an ideal mother, I myself went through all the stages:
- busy making money
- babysitters seen more often than me
- chainsaw "Friendship" with many years of experience
- an unwilling child, tangled up in my endless demands
I really want you not to repeat my mistakes, so let's discuss together: what, why and why do we want in relation to the education of our children?
An education system in which everyone is taught everything, regardless of individual characteristics the child, still Pestalozzi (one of the largest teachers of the late XVIII - early XIX century), called antipsychological.
There is a lot of information now, it is easy to get, the world is changing rapidly - this is a fact. A bunch of static knowledge is not needed by anyone, especially since much is outdated today.
“Taking away childhood from children in order to give them a bunch of information that they will never remember and which they will never use is criminal”, - M. Kazinik.
Another thing is to be able to find it, structure and analyze it, to distinguish valuable from information garbage. After all, you won’t even notice what sites your child visits, what he reads, what he studies, where he “hangs”. To arrange total surveillance is not an option, to select all the devices is also not possible. The best way out is to learn it yourself and teach your child to navigate in the world of information. “If you cannot suppress the revolution, you must lead it” :).
By itself, information is not needed, meaningless. It has value when combined with critical thinking and creativity.For example, one mother recently wrote to me that “... (a certain specialist, I will not mention his name) says that, yes, teaching through interest is wonderful, but the best education is received in those English schools, where they DO NOT follow the student, allowing him to do mostly what he likes, but FORCE him to do other subjects as well.
The first option is to take the word of what this specialist says and start forcing the child, who, by the way, is fluent in three languages and is studying a fourth, to do mathematics.
Another option is to question whether the best education is received in certain English schools. And we will find out that today the best education in the world is in Finland, where the principles of education are completely different:
- created a psychologically comfortable environment, students are not loaded until they lose their pulse
- so combine objects to stimulate cognitive activity children
- no coercion, only creating opportunities and stimulating the thirst for knowledge
- careful attitude to the individuality of the child, learning according to his abilities and capabilities
People who do not know how to critically evaluate information are easier to manage. But we want to grow independent, happy child, hence the conclusion - to help the child develop this skill, which is vital for him.
In our time, meta-knowledge, the study of subjects at the intersection of sciences and the ability to think associatively are valuable - this is how great discoveries arose and new inventions were created.
Each object must be seen not in separate pieces (paragraphs), but as a whole and in combination with other objects.
Associative thinking allows you to generate new ideas and memorize huge amounts of information. For example, associations helped the engineer Brown to invent the suspension bridge when he saw the web, the physicist Nagaoka to understand the structure of the atom from the association with solar system.
It is in our power to help the child master the skills that will help him both in learning and in generating new ideas, develop creativity, and not force him to learn paragraph No. such and such is pointless.
I believe that teaching in a fun and easy way is not only possible, but vital. The main reason we switched to selfeducation- to maintain the psychological health of the son.If a child is torn to the point of “I don’t want anything anymore”, all knowledge is down the drain.
Our most important achievement, in my opinion, was that the son became calm and confident in his abilities. We have learned to practice easily, cheerfully, playfully. He began to laugh, play, his look changed! When, after the next lesson, he exclaimed: “Mom, life is good!”, I realized that I had chosen the right way.
“I was nervous for three months that I would miss something and miss the subjects. Now I have stopped myself. In the evenings, I noticed that my family and I began to communicate little. It turns out that we used to talk only about school. I have forgotten how to laugh heartily, in a full voice. I forgot how to play with children and enjoy it. That's what's scary. Here they are school years miraculous: 10 years of school senior, 4 years - junior. Now I'm learning games that cheer up- Lyudmila V.
To spend eleven years in boredom, hassle, coercion - why, for what purpose?
In another way - you can!
“The main engine for knowledge is love. Everything else does not matter. What a man loves he knows”, - M. Kazinik.
I love it! How I would like to see such a person at the head of our education system.
It is like a nail, nailed to one place and does not allow to go forward. My students constantly stumble over this thought and skid on the spot.
Once upon a time, Tatyana Chernigovskaya's phrase that it makes no sense to ask who you are by education helped me a lot, it makes sense to find out what you are this moment interested. I repeat, the main thing is to be able to learn, to be able to quickly reorganize and master those skills that are of interest to you at the moment.
As it was before?
You study, choose a profession for life, start moving up the career ladder from the bottom up.
Like now?
You can change your specialty all your life depending on what you are interested in at the moment. I will give examples from the lives of those people whom I know personally.
- The daughter of Svetlana Strelnikova, Daria, is a lawyer by training, now she is studying in Germany at German higher mathematics. In a foreign language - a tower! And this is not under duress, but at will.
- Olga Tarnopolskaya - lawyer, ethno-choreographer. Learns circle dances different countries(Folk Circle Dances) and has already traveled all over the world with her dance workshops.
- Konstantin Dykin - two higher educations in the field of cybernetics and finance. Researches and develops effective methods exit from crisis situations- my wonderful teacher, great Master.
I myself changed the scope of my activity twice - I resigned financial director, mastered the profession of a specialist in advertising and development on the Internet. Then I became interested in everything related to learning, brain function, memory, intelligence - created my own project.
I teach my son to feel himself, to feel his values and desires, to follow them, to quickly master what he is interested in, to be the best in something OWN, and not in everything.
“If you do everything perfectly and very well, there will be no chance to be the best in something»,
- L. Petranovskaya.
A child needs to be constantly accustomed, forced, coerced, to educate "willpower", otherwise he will grow up unadapted to life. Main argument: "In adult life You have to do not what you want, but what you need to do.”"Will - it is the power of desire to build happy life . The will to live in accordance with one's desires is the main action that dictates a person's love for himself. Desire is the driving force in life. Genuine desire gives incredible energy to overcome.
Love yourself- Means to have the will to live according to one's desires means to build the reality of your life yourself, and not to obey the circumstances, ”- A. Maksimov.
Let's start with ourselves. What do you most dislike doing? Iron clothes, wash dishes? today start cultivating willpower - iron your clothes for 6 - 8 hours a day! After that, approach your husband for words of support and sympathy, and he will tell you:"How are you with ironing? Did you iron the clothes well enough (equals - what grade did you deserve / receive for this)? Now go and pet some more (equals - do your homework)."
One of my students after this task began to cry, went up to her son and said: “Son, as I understand you!”
Only desire and interest are able to undermine me every morning from bed. When I'm busy doing what I love, I'm carried away, I'm in the flow of ideas, thoughts, creativity, I don't need to be forced - I'm happy! What willpower? No will will force me to do what I do not want, only desire and interest.
For 20 years I have been doing something that did not bring me joy, through “necessary”, on willpower. As a result, I “broke” and was on the verge of life and death (literally) until I realized that you need to be able to feel YOURSELF, YOUR desires and bring them to life.
To help children find their interest, to help develop it - that's our task. And not to teach how to stop feeling, hearing yourself and impeccably fulfilling someone else's will for the sake of approval and a good assessment.
How much time it took Roma and me to stop being afraid to make a mistake! When solving problems, exercises, the child chewed pencils and pens. He didn't eat so much when he was a baby!
Mothers shared - their children gnaw textbooks, pull their hair, are afraid to speak. The child of one of my students was afraid to make a mistake when completing tasks in an online service - the teacher is not around, and he is afraid to press the button! Where it comes from, everyone understands.
“Give your child a break - to be. Make mistakes, serve not the requirements and norms, but inspirations and talents. This is what you teach your children - the freedom to be nothing but yourself. Excellent student - role. It is not difficult to play it, you should always be the way teachers, bosses and commanders want to see you. The right guys will lose to those who are happier, which means more energetic and livelier”, - D. Karpov, teacher of the specialty of British higher education Graphic Design.
The fear of making a mistake is much worse than the mistake itself. Rather, a mistake is not scary, without a mistake we cannot learn anything. Without error, there would be no invention. My son and I talked a lot about this topic, I gave examples from the lives of great inventors. I promised him that I would never scold him for his mistakes. She explained that exams, especially in the format of tests, do not talk about knowledge, they do not talk about anything at all! It's just easier for teachers to check. Now our pencils are safe and sound :)
Surely you have a question: How then to teach children? They don’t want anything, you can’t force them - a vicious circle.”
1. Realize what you want in terms of education. Decide on a goal.
2. Take responsibility for education. You can't rely on standard training. I don't think I need to convince you of this, otherwise you wouldn't have come here.
3. Learn yourself and teach your child to learn. Get the minimum required school curriculum fast, simple and even fun - it's possible. Free time to use for communication, interesting activities.
Our self-education, our behavior, our help and attitude towards the child can work wonders! And then the inquisitive mind of the child, his natural curiosity will wake up, and the question of motivation will disappear by itself. But more on that later.
My goal- to see the child happy and educated, ready for an independent life.
