Etiquette. Rules of conduct for true ladies. Good manners for girls

Publication date: 01/28/2018

Lately, there has been a lot of controversy on the topic - who should let whom and where forward - at the door, into the elevator, when going up and down the stairs. We present an article by our etiquette expert Nadezhda Kharlanova, a teacher at the etiquette school in Tyumen, about the rules that will help you quickly navigate these issues.

"There is no man sitting with a woman standing" - this is one of the beautiful simple rules etiquette for men. And women for hundreds of years have been accustomed to male courtship within the framework of secular etiquette, at least: they help put on a coat, pull up a chair, let them go forward, do not smoke without our permission ...

Where did it come from modern etiquette such respect for a lady? Historically, it was born in the Middle Ages and was part of. The knight is obliged to show courage, honesty, generosity, generosity, hospitality and courtesy. He had to choose a lady for himself in order to worship her, perform feats for her sake and sing of her beauty.

Serving a lady has become the canon of behavior for men for many centuries to come. And this is very good, because every adequate man at least partially corresponds to these norms of nobility, which have not changed over so many centuries. Just like the relationship between women and men in its essence.

A lady is considered higher in status: a man is obliged to be the first to say hello, wait for the lady to extend her hand for a handshake, get up when she enters the room or approaches him, do not start eating at the table until the lady has started eating, etc.

Due to the fact that a woman is physically weaker, a man takes care, helps and protects: he gives way to a place in transport, and on the steps of the stairs - the side that with the railing helps to carry burdens, supports and protects.

At the same time, a lady can always delicately thank her partner for his nobility, generosity, at least with a nod of her head. And you can consider when meeting with a man, look great on dates, be sweet and charming, create a pleasant atmosphere, skillfully maintain a conversation.

But before considering modern rules for women, we will focus on very important principles etiquette - situationality and common sense.

This means that the same rules may vary depending on where and on what occasion we communicate. And in order to correctly build a line of behavior, we must immediately determine what kind of etiquette situation we are in: in a secular or business one.

So, a few secular etiquette situations.

How are a man and a woman located on the stairs during the descent and ascent?

When descending the stairs, the man's place is in front, when ascending - a couple of steps behind the lady, in a word, lower. This is necessary in order to always have time to help if she stumbles. At the same time, you need to adhere to right side. If a man and a woman are walking in opposite directions and collide, the woman has the right to remain on the side with the railing, even if she violates the right-hand traffic rule. According to the rules of etiquette, the side with the railing is for the elderly and children.

On the street….

In almost any situation where people go one after another (both outdoors and indoors), the man lets the woman go first. He can go ahead only in those cases when his help is needed - for example, getting out of the transport and giving a hand, making his way through the crowd, overcoming an obstacle, entering the "danger zone". By the status of a big and strong defender in all "danger zones" the first a man is walking.

A man, accompanying a lady, usually comes with an external, more dangerous side pavement. In addition, the custom to go to the left of the lady has survived to this day - since a hundred years ago, many men wore a sword on their left side. For the same reason, wanting to walk arm in arm with a lady, a man offers her his right hand.

Having met a woman in a narrow passage or at the door, a man must give way. He takes a step to the side (usually to the right) and lets her pass, turning to face her.

Elevator - who gets in first?

If we consider the elevator as a "danger zone", then the duty of a man is to enter first and make sure that everything is safe and there is no danger. If these are some special large and beautiful elevators, possibly with the use of personnel, then the lady can enter quite calmly, because everything is checked. So, the man enters first but not everyone knows about it. In the case when a man lets a woman through, having different information about the rules, wanting to show respect, the woman thanks and boldly enters the elevator. If several people have gathered waiting for the elevator, those who are closer to the door enter first, trying to get into the elevator in accordance with the number of floors.

About doors...

It is often believed that a man should let a lady through the door. But here, too, there are nuances. How to do it correctly and elegantly, and what is the woman's reaction?

The most important thing to consider here is the situational factor. Behave naturally and use common sense!

A man should enter first if he does not know if there is some kind of “danger zone” inside: it is possible that it is dark there and it will be necessary to turn on the light, or there is another heavy door on the way. If a man knows in advance that it is clean, bright and joyful, then he can open the door and let the lady go ahead.

When entering and leaving the door, a woman and a man interact almost like in a dance:

• If you come to the door first, then open the door and hold it for the lady.
• If you approach the door at the same time as your lady, or when she comes up first, then it makes sense for her to step to the side so that the satellite can open it freely without hitting anything.
• If the woman opened the door herself, hold the door open.
• If there are double doors with a vestibule on the way, then first it is better to open the first door, let the lady enter the vestibule to the second door, then go in after the companion yourself. If the woman has stopped in the vestibule and is waiting for you, go to the second door and do the same.
• If the door opens away from you, and you know about it, then think in advance about the trajectory of your joint movement and try to go through the door first.
• If it so happened that the lady was at the door first and pushed it, then move a little to the side on which the door hinges, carefully stretch your hand over the woman’s head to hold the door and let the lady enter.
• If someone is walking behind you, then when you go through the door after the woman, hold the door so that the person walking behind you has time to put out his hand and hold the door for himself. But this is provided that the person goes right behind you. If he is a few steps away from you, then there is no need to hold the door.
• In a situation with a revolving automatic door, it makes sense to reach out to slow down the rotation and let the woman pass quietly. In the usual automatic door, just skip the lady forward and then go through yourself.

The restaurant…

It is considered good form if the man who invited comes a little earlier. If a man is late, he must call and warn the head waiter. A woman enters a restaurant alone and introduces herself as her guest. If the lady and the gentleman met before entering the restaurant, the man lets the woman go ahead.

Taking off outerwear in the wardrobe, the man first helps his companion undress. It is customary to dress in the same order, first the man gives the coat to the lady. The mirror in the wardrobe hangs in order to fix your hair, check your appearance generally. To tint lips and correct the outfit should be in the toilet room.

A man enters the restaurant hall first, followed by a woman. A man takes the first attention to himself. When a man and a woman go to their place, the man goes first, and the lady follows him. If you are escorted by the head waiter, he goes first, then the lady, then the man. On the way to the table, the man precedes the woman and helps her to sit down if the waiter does not.

A woman has the right to take the best place. The most honorable and comfortable are the places with their backs to the wall, facing the window or the entrance to the hall.

The man sits to the left of the lady or opposite her, if the table is only for two.

I hope that this article has brought enough specifics to the question - who lets whom and where when entering and leaving the premises. And you will no longer have confusion in any such situation.

And if you have any questions, you can ask them

Article author: etiquette expert Nadezhda Kharlanova. School of etiquette in Tyumen
website: www.etiket72.com, VKontakte: vk.com/etikettyumen, E-mail: [email protected]
Phone: +7 963 058 36 58
Reprinting of article materials without a link to the site is prohibited!

Etiquette must be observed even in friendship
(Japanese proverb)

For some reason, many teenagers, and even adults, believe that the rules of etiquette are for bores and highbrow aesthetes.

But none of them think that etiquette makes you well-mannered, nice person and rewards you with characteristics that sometimes we all lack.

In order for you to feel confident and appropriate for the situation, I suggest that you familiarize yourself with a few rules that you can use every day and at the same time not stand out as a "black sheep" at all.

Just by starting to follow these rules, you have unique opportunity to be not only sweet and beautiful, but also well-mannered!

1. Do not put the phone on the table at a party, restaurant, cafe and at a meeting with friends. you came to talk to certain people, forget about the VKontakt feed, Instagram and the thirteenth level of your favorite game for these few hours.

Enjoy live communication with those with whom you came. Forget about the means of communication and try to ignore the desire to fiddle with the phone. Thus, you can offend friends or interlocutor.

2. Don't give your bag to a young man. A man can carry a heavy backpack or package, shopping bags or in extreme cases - you yourself :). Don't let him carry a lady's handbag, even if her own hands come off.

3. Keep your shoes clean. Get the package in your bag wet wipes and wipe down your shoes if they get dirty. Whenever leaving the house, make sure your shoes, boots or boots are clean.

4. Late to the cinema or theater? Make your way to your seats in the center of the hall only facing those who are sitting.

5. Never use a lot of perfume. It may seem to you that the smell of your favorite perfume does not come from you, but believe me - the crowd around you can simply suffocate if you go too far with the dose :).

6. Greet your elders first. When entering a room, always greet older people first. If you meet a man, he should say hello first. Are you going with your boyfriend, and your girlfriend with hers - to a meeting? Then girls greet each other first, boys second, and only after that, you greet your friend's boyfriend.

7. Don't eat in public transport. Of course, we are not talking about stealthily bitten chocolate or candy. Hot dogs, sandwiches, glasses of water or bottles of beer are all prohibited, as you can stain others or irritate them with the smell.
8. Correcting makeup, hair, manicure is possible only in the ladies' room. No nail filing at the table, much less wiping mascara with a napkin. To do this, toilets were invented in all places.

9. A man enters a cafe or restaurant first. The only exception is the situation when the doorman meets you and opens the door. Then the first lady enters.
10. Get in the car right. We open the door, sit down on the seat and pull both legs simultaneously into the salon. We also leave - standing with both feet on the asphalt.

11. Always say "thank you" and "sorry".

12. Eat carefully, do not champ, do not pick your teeth.

13. Do not sniff your nose and do not wipe it with your sleeve. Use a napkin or handkerchief for this and do it better in the toilet.

14. DO NOT be late. In the very last resort- for 15 minutes. And don't forget to warn your friends about the delay.

15. Cover your mouth when you sneeze, yawn and cough. No one cares what's inside you!

16. Do not dry the umbrella open.

17. The bag cannot be placed on the table..You can put a small clutch on a table in a cafe, but a large bag can only be hung on the back of a chair or attached to the floor.

18. A man enters the elevator first, and then he comes out- who is closest to the doors from it.

19. Sit behind the driver in a taxi.

20. Do not use jargon in your speech. Also - it would be ideal not to use a mat, foreign words like "OK" and other "incomprehensibility".

I hope my small tips help you get better! Have an etiquette question? Ask it on the site

And the girls who want to be treated like this, let them think! Maybe they don't deserve to be treated like this.
Walking with my girlfriend, I noticed that many men do not follow the rules of etiquette in relation to women at all. Well, not really, but some fairly well-known rules are missed. In the name of male literacy and respect for the fair sex, this post!

1. Along the street, a man should walk to the left of the lady. On the right, only military personnel may walk, who must be ready to salute.

2. It is necessary to support the woman by the elbow if she stumbled or slipped. But in a normal situation, the decision to take a man by the arm or not is made by the lady.

3. In the presence of a woman, a man does not smoke without her permission.

4. At the entrance and exit to the room, the gentleman opens the door in front of the lady, and he goes behind her.

5. Rising or descending the stairs, a man secures his companion by walking one or two steps behind.

6. The man enters the elevator first, and at the exit from it, the lady should be skipped forward.

7. The man gets out of the car first, he bypasses the vehicle and opens the door on the passenger side, while helping the woman to get out. Provided that the man drives the car himself, he must open the door and support the woman by the elbow when she sits on front seat. If a man and a woman are both taxi passengers, they are supposed to ride on back seat. The lady is the first to sit in the salon, the man sits next to him.

8. Entering the room, a man should help the woman take off her outer clothing, leaving the room, it is worth giving her clothes.

9. In society, it is also customary not to sit down if the ladies are standing (this also applies to public transport).

10. According to etiquette, a man should not be late for a meeting with a lady. On the contrary, the gentleman should come a few minutes earlier, because his delay can embarrass the lady and put her in an awkward position. In unforeseen cases, it is necessary to warn and apologize for being late.

11. Any woman of any age should be helped to carry large items and massive bags. They do not include a handbag, a light fur coat or a coat, except in those cases when, for health reasons, she cannot carry them herself.

Some two hundred years ago, when raising girls, it was given close attention etiquette training. The modern rhythm of life has largely changed the mores of society: the rights of men and women have become equal, communication has become simple and unconstrained. But no one has canceled the rules of etiquette for girls.

Rules of etiquette in a public place

Most of my life modern girls carried out in public places. These are urban transport, institutions, a working office, and even the most ordinary stairwell or elevator. There are a number of rules of conduct that a girl needs to know in order not to be rude in certain situations:

• If you approached at the same time as another person open door and you are asked to go first, come in without ceremony. By tradition, the stronger sex is obliged to let the weaker sex pass, the younger generation must give way to the older, the subordinate - to the leader. If you are the same age and social status, the one closest to it enters the door first.
• If you and a man go up the stairs, you must go ahead of him, except for the steep and dark stairs. During the descent down the stairs, the place of the girl is behind the man. You have given way - bow your head slightly in gratitude. If the flights of stairs are too narrow, give way, taking a small step to the side, to the elderly, women older than you, your boss.
• At the elevator, say hello to people you know. When the elevator stops, clear the passage for those leaving: if space permits, take a step to the side, no - exit, and then return.
• At the entrance to shopping mall or to some institution, first let out those who go out, and only then enter yourself. Prepare money in advance for settlement at the checkout.
• When traveling on public transport, try not to talk loudly or laugh, do not eat ice cream, and do not stare at passengers. If you have caused inconvenience to someone, you must apologize.
• When communicating with colleagues at work, behave with restraint, politely, and tactfully. Be punctual. According to the rules business etiquette no discussion allowed personal life employees.
• In any public place you can be in conflict situation. On the manifestation of insults, behave correctly and with dignity, like a well-mannered girl. Don't be like the offender. Act according to the law.

Good table manners for girls

The culture of eating has many traditions and norms that are the rules of behavior at the table and the use of eating utensils. Every self-respecting girl should have good manners and know the rules of etiquette at the table - this will allow her to feel confident home environment for lunch, and in cafes and restaurants.

Basic table manners:

• Use a napkin, for this put it on your knees so that a large Bottom part was on top of the knees, and the top you could wipe your hands.
• When eating, do not forget about the correct posture. The distance to the table should be one palm. Do not spread or rest your elbows on the table. Don't put your hands under the table.
• Use the appropriate cutlery for the particular dish.
• Don't reach for necessary subject(for example, behind a salt shaker), and ask him to serve.
• The use of toothpicks on the table is allowed only in the restroom. You can also touch up your makeup or hair. Touching your hair at the table is considered bad manners.
• For coughing or sneezing, you must leave the table.
• You can call the attendants by waving your hand or nodding your head. In no case do not call the waiter by banging cutlery or shouting.
• If cutlery falls, do not pick it up, but ask the waiter to bring clean ones.
• It is considered bad manners at the table to dangle your feet, lick your fingers, and champ.

How to behave towards a guy?

To achieve sympathy from the representatives of the stronger sex, girls must master the rules of etiquette that will help them in this:

• don't show up for a date on time: being 15-20 minutes late will allow your boyfriend to gather his thoughts and plan the upcoming evening;
• when going on a date, do not take a large bag, as this is a sign of bad taste;
• do not allow kisses on the first date - this indicates a bad upbringing;
• do not initiate the next date;
• do not meet with a guy every evening;
• do not be vulgar in behavior, men like femininity and softness;
• have your own opinion, guys want to see an interesting interlocutor in a girl.

Etiquette in clothes is important!

Remember that you are the fair sex. Having a flawless look and refined taste in clothes, you will real lady. Let's pay a little attention to the etiquette in clothes:

• Dress according to the season and time of day. Suitable for summer, light and light clothes, for winter - denser. Morning clothes should be simple and discreet, and for the evening, sequins can also be allowed.
• For work clothes suits and blouses are suitable, tights, for example, flesh-colored, must be worn. They can be worn with any outfit.
• In a working environment, short skirts are not allowed.
• Shoes should be of good quality and polished, suitable for your clothes, and most importantly, that they do not bring you inconvenience. Even at 30 degrees of heat, never open the toe, you can only expose the heel. And the heel of a real lady should have a perfect look.
• Do not wear excessive jewelry during the day.
• A combination of more than three colors is not allowed in clothes.

Do we always feel confident in the field of etiquette? And how to behave in order to produce good impression? And aren't good manners leftovers, signs of a bygone era?

Let's start with the fact that ignorance of the elementary truths of etiquette leads to the fact that, getting into seemingly the most simple and ordinary situations, a person demonstrates an inability to behave. Why do you need to know the rules of etiquette? To establish contact with a partner or interlocutor; comfortable to communicate; do not cause disturbance to others; leave about yourself pleasant experience and show yourself as a civilized and well-mannered person.

The basis of etiquette is a kind of code of mutual expectations, rules and models of communication that exists in every society. It permeates all spheres of communication: official - civil, public, official, and unofficial - domestic, family, friendly. The rules included in this code are simple and come down to the principle: do as you would like to be treated. You smiled - give a smile in return. Showed interest in the interlocutor - he will remember you with warmth. No need to pretend that you are not concerned about the opinions of others: any normal person in one way or another concerned about the opinions of others, that is, the impression he makes on people. To make this impression positive, you need to learn a few simple rules of behavior.

So, a man should not sit in the presence standing woman, unless, of course, he is an invalid or a very old man, and it is also not customary to sit down without an invitation. It is unacceptable to bow to a woman or start a conversation with her until she recognizes you. But there are exceptions: if you pass a good friend in the service corridor or on the street and see that she does not notice you, you can call her name quietly or touch her hand. It is strictly forbidden to address a lady by her last name in a public place!

Etiquette rules for men and women

If your companion on public transport is old man, you should give him a seat or at least take his heavy bags. An attempt to give you a seat cannot be ignored: do not look for a hint of your age in this, but just remember that well-mannered man will invite both the young lady and the elderly lady to sit down.

It is not customary to talk at the table about unpleasant things, discuss or criticize someone's religious beliefs, humiliate any country or nationality, laugh at the mistakes of other people.

Remember that a well-mannered man will never enter a room in front of a woman, unless it is necessary to turn on the light in the room so that the lady does not stumble or stumble on the furniture in the dark.

If a man is with a lady on the stairs, he must follow these rules: when going up, follow, and when going down, be in front. Walking with a woman, a man should measure his step with her so that the lady does not have to run after him. Entering the elevator, he lets the woman go forward, and when it stops, he gets out first and gives her his hand. In addition, he does not stand in the elevator with his back to other passengers.

Some people think that walking “under the arm” is outdated long ago, but how convenient it is for a woman to walk leaning on the arm of her friend: you can not look at your feet so as not to stumble. Young people chose another option, not at all worse - to walk holding each other's hands, but strict etiquette considers the habit of walking in an embrace to be inadmissible. By the way, during a walk, a man should always go on the left, and if you need to overtake someone, go around to the left so that your fellow traveler is not accidentally hurt.

As for the things that you carry with you - bulky bags or backpacks - try to keep them so that they do not interfere with others. You should not eat pies or ice cream in public transport: this way you risk staining the clothes of fellow travelers.

As for who should be the first to greet when entering the room, then you need to greet everyone - even strangers - people in the room. You don't have to worry about who comes first and how you say "Hello!" as the rules of etiquette are based on simple rules behavior - respect for seniority, position, for women ... The younger ones greet the elders, men - women, but shaking hands is not at all necessary. After all, a firm handshake suggests an old acquaintance. But even at the same time, the elder or the woman should give the first hand.

When you greet, look into each other's eyes and do not hold your palm limply or motionless - this is unpleasant. If men greet, you must definitely take off your gloves, but a woman is allowed to give her hand without taking them off. If a lady gives you a naked hand, take it as a sign of a special location. Do not forget to rise when you meet, if you are sitting, and when shaking hands, remove the second, free hand from your pocket. A woman may feel more free not to stand up, but keep her hands in her muff or in her pockets. By the way, not everyone knows that at a meeting you can only kiss your hand married lady, and this gesture would be more appropriate indoors rather than outdoors.

When meeting on the street, if you join a company, you should say hello first. And if two couples meet, then women first greet each other, then men greet the ladies, and lastly they shake hands with each other.

In line, in public transport, do not contact strangers with the ridiculous cry of "Woman!" or "Man!" Unfortunately, we don’t have a common address, so you should attract attention with a polite request, for example: “Sorry, could you pass the money for a ticket”, or “Please pass me the newspaper.”

As for addressing well-known people, it all depends on the degree of your closeness, on the form of communication adopted in your company. There are only a few "iron" rules: even a bosom friend cannot be called by her truncated name - Mash, Nagy, Svet - and even more so, shouting out the name of a friend on the street.