How to achieve mutual understanding. How to reach mutual understanding
Teamo.ru couple Anton and Olesya, husband and wife
How to find mutual understanding with a man?
The question is, of course, rhetorical, but it can still be answered.
Before you begin the search for mutual understanding with any individual unfamiliar male individual, you must first of all forget that in front of you is an adult, educated, experienced person.
A man is always a child, for whom nothing is more important than his hobbies and toys. Therefore, before you try to convey this or that idea to him, you first need to focus your attention on these toys of his, show sincere interest, ask to tell him, listen with interest, ask additional questions, in the process being sincerely surprised, horrified or admiring (depending on the situation ). Talking about what is close to him, interesting, about what he really understands, and seeing genuine interest.
Perhaps not as a sexual object, which is not so scary, because they don’t always want to talk to the woman they desire, much less build a relationship. And we don’t always need this or that man to lust after us. The main thing is that you and he are on the same page, and he will fix the faucet, rearrange the furniture, or dig out the car from the snow without delay.
If, then, again, you need to remember that this man is a child who needs recognition, love and care. If you want to please him, shower him with all your warmth, kindness and tenderness. The main thing is not to lisp or make faces. Even children, who are children, don’t really like it. A gentle voice and a warm smile are guaranteed to attract his attention, and he will be very grateful to you for your willingness to listen carefully. Besides, if you get him to talk, you can learn a lot of useful and valuable information about him.
It happens that people who have been together for a very long time. Living for a long time, people, willy-nilly, move away from each other and if they don’t catch it in time, they become strangers to each other. People who are held together only by habit. To avoid this, you need to periodically change your behavior pattern. And also, from time to time, change your hairstyle, clothing style, daily routine, cook new dishes, rearrange furniture, update home textiles, or generally periodically make partial repairs. And actively involve your spouse in all these events, not only as a payer, but also as a person who, in theory, cares what happens to his wife or apartment. Even if you have already decided everything, you definitely need to consult with your spouse on various occasions, sometimes ask him to make some important decision, for example, where his children will study, what next car you should buy, where the whole family should go on vacation in the summer, etc. .Listen to him and listen closely.
A practical technique that will help you find mutual language with the people you need and are important to you.
People often ask a psychologist a question: how to improve relationships, how to resolve a conflict, how to come to an agreement. And every time a person is asked what the problem is, he talks about how his opponent is doing something wrong. At the same time, everything that he himself does, the person considers correct.
In fact, in any conflict situation, in any relationship in general, there are always two sides involved. And if a conflict arises, then responsibility lies equally on one and the other side. Both you and your opponent can make concessions, somehow change your behavior, and accordingly, in some way find mutual understanding and improve your relationships.
There is an exercise that allows you to look at a conflict situation and at relationships in general with different sides, feel and understand the interests of your opponent, look at yourself from the outside, and change your behavior for the better.
This exercise can be performed either sitting or standing. But best option- take three chairs and place them in such a way that two of them stand opposite each other, and the third - as if from the side.
- First place will be yours,
- Second - your opponent,
- And the third - outside observer.
The position of an outside observer
First of all, imagine the situation that is happening between you, and look at it from the outside, sitting in the observer’s place. If you can’t perceive the situation unemotionally, you can imagine that everything is happening on a cinema or TV screen. That is, it's just some kind of movie.
Look at how you react and act in a given situation, look at what your opponent does. Then think about how to change your behavior, what you can improve, and write yours down on paper.
Own position.
Then go to your place and imagine your opponent in front of you, remember the situation, and look at it with your own eyes. You remember all your feelings, emotions, look at your opponent’s behavior from your side, and think about how this situation can be improved. Write down your thoughts.
After this, sit back in the observer’s seat and look at the situation from the outside, like a movie. Notice what you notice after looking at the situation with your own eyes. Think about what you could improve and write it down. 
Opponent's position
Then sit on your opponent’s chair and try to associate yourself with his interests, his feelings, sensations. Now you look at this whole situation, and at yourself in particular, through his eyes. Pay attention to how your actions look from his point of view, why he also supports this conflict. Think, on his part, how you can change your behavior, what he can do to improve the situation, and write down these answers on paper.
Then sit back in the observer's chair and observe your situation from the outside. See what has changed in this situation and how it can be improved. Analyze everything that the participants in the conflict wrote and create your own recommendations.
Conclusions - optimal behavior
This can be done 2-3 times, having been in the role of each of the parties. After this, you will be able to get a good feel for your opponent, his interests, his feelings, emotions. Can be applied to the situation every time various options behavior. That is, you ask the question what would happen if it were this way, perform the technique and check the result of such a development of events. And this way you can literally do better in 20-30 minutes understand loved one , find the optimal behavior for a given situation, and then implement it in life.
"He doesn't understand me!" - this phrase was uttered by everyone at least once in their life married woman. What is this: simple words, spoken out of emotion, or Then how to live with your husband if there is no mutual understanding? Or maybe it’s not about a specific man, but about everyone? Perhaps they are on genetic level are not able to understand women and satisfy all their desires and needs? All this will be discussed in this article.
Short-lived happiness from marriage
In the first days and weeks, as well as at the beginning of acquaintance and the birth of love, it seems that happiness has finally arrived. The newlyweds are staying in in a great mood, they see it as light, cloudless and endlessly joyful. But very soon it ends, and is replaced by gray everyday life, everyday troubles, and also one of the most common reasons for a quarrel: the problem of mutual understanding. How better man and a woman gets to know each other in marriage, the weaker they become because their dreams have come true, turning into real life, which means that sex has moved from violent passion into the category of ordinary performance of marital duties.
Marriage kills romance
Over time, husband and wife stop treating each other as reverently and tenderly as before the wedding. Affection and flirting disappear, compliments are said less and less often, they are replaced by criticism and mutual claims. Selfishness awakens in each of the spouses; one wants the partner to indulge and please in everything. Such desires give rise to omissions, resentments, and disappointment.
If you want to maintain mutual understanding in the family for as long as possible, then you need to cherish love, try to bring at least a drop of romance into everyday life: a small surprise, flowers for no reason, walks in the park, a kiss when meeting and goodbye. Moreover, it should not be friendly, on the cheek, but real, passionate. It’s as if you’re not married, like when you just met and haven’t had time to get enough of each other. Love will preserve a marriage as long as there are greedy, long kisses in it.
No understanding with husband
Preserving a marriage and building family comfort is a difficult task, but doable if both spouses take on it. Most often it happens that the wife beats in closed door, trying for the good of her husband, but does not receive any gratitude in return. For men in marriage it turns on consumer attitude to a woman who should cook for them, wash, clean, give birth to children, take care of them herself, not interfere with watching TV, still work, look good, but not spend money on cosmetics and beauty salons. The husband is sure that he does not owe anything and is quite capable of making his wife happy simply by his presence, in best case scenario also the salary brought in. Tired of this situation, periodically asking herself the question of how to live with her husband if there is no mutual understanding, the woman does not find the right answer and decides to divorce. But is the marriage doomed? After all, just recently you lived in dreams about this person, looked forward to meeting him, solemnly swore in the registry office to eternal love and care in sorrow and joy.
Psychologists suggest using some recommendations, thanks to which mutual understanding and trust can return.
Happy spouses - myth or reality?
As you know, any fairy tale can be brought to life. So, happy married life quite real. Such a couple will always have time and desire for simple signs of attention, thanks to which you can feel warmth, attention and love. After all, it’s not at all difficult to warn in advance that you’ll be late from work, set aside a couple of minutes during the day, call and find out how you’re doing. Having met in the kitchen in the evening, loving husband and the wife will definitely ask how everyone’s day went. These little things allow you to feel that they are thinking about you, worrying about you, that you are an important part of your partner’s life.
If there is no happiness
How to live with your husband if there is no mutual understanding in the family even after following all the above tips? With a 90% probability we can say that this article will be read by women, which means that only they will follow all the recommendations. But you can't achieve positive result, if both spouses do not work to maintain the relationship. Usually men do not think about such subtle matters as harmony and mutual understanding; for them it is more important to be well-fed and watch TV. Such a marriage will last exactly as long as a woman’s patience is enough.
Reconcile or separate?
The opinion imposed by society affects the acceptance of a tired wife the right decision. Almost every piece of advice says that a woman should be near her husband, endure and come to terms with her difficult lot. Many ladies believe that all men are bad, but living alone is even worse, and therefore they turn a blind eye to drunkenness, laziness, and infidelity. All this results in scandals, hysterics, hundreds and thousands of dead nerve cells. If there are children in the family, then they are unwitting witnesses to such dramas. The girls, seeing their unhappy mother, begin with youth to hate my father, and then men. Children develop an incorrect model of relationships between men and women in their heads, which will make it difficult for them to build their own social unit in the future. Therefore, sometimes to the question of how to live with your husband if there is no mutual understanding, there is only one correct answer: no way!
Freedom or loneliness?
Anyone who has a small copy of it is not alone. Don't forget that family comes first blood ties, which means that by separating from your husband, you have not lost your family if you have a child. If you and your spouse have not found common goals and interests that could hold the marriage together, you always have a chance to build harmonious relationships with your child. And if your baby is a boy, then you should definitely try to raise him so that your future daughter-in-law told you "thank you".
