Female adultery - what pushes us to temptation. “Went to the left”: what pushes men to treason

When people are connected only by sex, any betrayal is tantamount to parting. In a family, everything is much more complicated ... Is there general rules male and female infidelity?

The expression "marital union" elevates sex to something more than simple mating, as in animals. "Marriage", "family" imply some kind of non-physical community - on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual level. It certainly sounds beautiful and sublime. But it is in marriage union We are in for a betrayal.

More often or longer?

Here are recent statistics: 76% of men and 21% of women had at least one extramarital affair. By the way, five years ago the figures were somewhat different: 60.7% and 41%, respectively.

Interestingly, the main supplier of change is work. There happens adultery in 28.7% of unfaithful husbands and 31.3% of wives. Almost as common a holiday romance”, on vacation, 20.7% of men and 34% of women find a partner for infidelity. On business trips, 9.8% and 2.6%, respectively, change. Cheating with neighbors happens in 4% of husbands and 10% of wives.

In the summer, 30% of extramarital sexual encounters take place in nature. In winter, unfaithful spouses are increasingly driving "leftists" home - up to 50%! And only 20% of "cautious" traitors prefer to meet at the apartment of friends, parents or rented.

Another interesting fact. Men are more likely to cheat with unmarried women, but the fair sex - with other people's husbands. With only one mistress at a time legal marriage had 19% of men and as many as 54% of women. That is, women still do not change lovers like gloves, although their relationship on the side can be quite long.

Interesting

Psychologists identify three main reasons forcing spouses to instruct their half of the “horns”:

Revenge. 1.1% of men and 10.3% of women are ready to answer cheating for cheating.

Checking yourself. 10% of husbands and 6% of wives allow cheating as a way to make sure that they are in demand sexually.

Happening. Alcohol, party, good company 12% of men and 5% of women can turn off the true path.

Why all these complications...

Why do outwardly happy married spouses actually have connections on the side? The culprits refer to the fact that, they say, feelings have faded (more often women) and now sex in the family does not suit them (more often men).

The quality of sex is a derivative of the human qualities of partners, - says a sexologist, doctor of medical sciences, professor Sergey Agarkov. - Such as honesty, openness, creativity, partly sacrifice. The use of sex in order to achieve from a partner the fulfillment of one's own selfish goals, the pursuit of exclusively physiological satisfaction destroys harmony in sex.

So, first, mutual understanding in the family is destroyed. Women call it romantically - "love has passed" (the reason for cheating for 20% of unfaithful wives). Men express themselves more down to earth - "I want something new, interesting" (35%). IN last years quite a few ladies adjoin them - as much as 19%. In any case, carnal treason is just a consequence.

Great importance has that model family behavior that is instilled in us by our parents. It turns out that if they cheated on each other, the probability of repeating this path for a child in the future is as much as 80%. It is not surprising that at the same time, men are more inclined to repeat the betrayal of their father, women - mothers, that is, an unfaithful woman will have a son rather than a daughter as an exemplary family man. But blaming the environment, friends and relatives of the unfaithful spouse is useless. "Looking at friends" cheat only 0.8% of husbands and 1.5% of wives.

Male spree...

There is an opinion that male infidelity is safer for marriage. As the saying goes, “leftists make marriages stronger.”

Apparently, this aphorism was invented by men in order to equip themselves with a comfortable niche, - says psychologist, trainer-consultant Natalia Schukina. - Indeed, men who are emotionally tired need a reset. negative energy but prefer not to pour it on their wives. With a mistress, you can do without words, without prelude ... Therefore, there is some truth in the fact that male adultery is aimed at preserving the family.

For the most part, a man cheats for the sake of sex as such. Someone, having lost interest in his wife, is looking for fresh sensations, literally a new body. For men over 45, a young, attractive body seems like an incentive to raise their waning ability to have sex. And here sometimes you can blame some spouses: why don’t you take care of yourself and instead of keeping your body in good shape, you simply refuse your husband sexual contacts?

Accordingly, men are more likely to initiate "casual" relationships while traveling, during the absence of a spouse. A representative of the stronger sex, if he is already mentally prepared for treason, will not delay the choice of an object for a long time, look for a new love ...

...and women's happiness

The fair sex goes to treason longer than the strong. Women are less likely to seek out relationships on the purely side physical sensations, although this approach is also found in women over 40–45 years old. But in most cases, the main thing for them is the emotional component.

Let not that ardent passion, which they once experienced for their husband, but a respectful, attentive attitude on the part of their lover is extremely important to them. This is recognized by 81% of unfaithful wives participating in opinion polls.

That is why the betrayal of his wife often leads to the complete disintegration of the family.

When a woman decides to cheat, she is already ready to destroy the marriage, even if she herself does not realize it yet, - says Natalia Schukina. - She goes on the trail of finding another partner.

Sergei Agarkov agrees with this.:

Even after leaving the family for some time, having received his portion of adrenaline on the side, a man can begin to appreciate what he had in the family much more, he can understand that it is the family, it is the native walls that make him happy. Raising self-esteem through infidelity and solving to some extent their emotional problems, a man can return to a marriage partner. But nature has laid a different degree of responsibility in a woman. The husband is the one with whom she is unconsciously ready to have offspring. And by betrayal, the woman, as it were, says: “It’s not worth having children with this, it is a dead end of evolution.

However, in recent years, women are being pushed to treason and emancipation. Modern culture says to them: you equal rights with men, you can do the same.

Therefore, the level of unfaithful marriages is highest among women with higher education, good income, held in a career or business. And in Muslim countries, where there is no talk of emancipation at all, and the problem of betrayal is not worth it.

Odysseus and Penelope

So how can you save your family? Let us recall the myth of how the ancient hero Odysseus disappeared for many years, and his faithful wife Penelope waited for her husband at home, rejecting all the courtship of many suitors.

To some extent, this also applies to our topic. Changing, a man, like Odysseus, moves away from home. The woman is the house itself, her betrayal is the destruction of the native walls. Be more attentive, kinder, more gentle to your partner! And he or she will definitely reciprocate. By materials.

IN young age girls are still convinced that cheating is very, very bad. However, this position changes with age. Already mature women yet sometimes they do it. Someone makes excuses that men still change without exception, someone refers to feelings. However, most often the reasons lie in the banal human psychology. So, what pushes a woman to cheat.

The first - and very influential factor - attention to her as a woman. Alas, the lion's share married representatives of the weaker sex suffer from a lack of attention. And the point here is not even the lack of courtship and rare compliments, but the difference in perception. When a woman marries and the romance of the newlyweds passes, the man begins to see her in a new way - as a hostess, wife and mother of his children. And often they stop seeing in her that very capricious and beautiful one, with whom he actually fell in love. For a woman, an affair in itself becomes a confirmation that she is a woman and can still charm.

The second is self-esteem. It follows from the first. It is not true that self-esteem sore spot only in men; in women, it is simply oriented towards something else. As soon as a woman feels desired again, it gives her new creative powers, which makes her literally blossom.

The third is the novelty of feelings. Feelings with my husband have cooled down, monotonous work, and every day is like another ... And then there is such an emotional shake-up, and even a surge of adrenaline in the blood on the topic "as if the husband did not find out."

The fourth is relaxation in relationships. The status of a wife still imposes certain limits on a woman. Very often, a woman cannot afford to open up, because she values her husband's opinion of herself and is afraid to spoil him. So dreams are about to hold romantic dinner on the floor, meeting your husband in revealing underwear, or simply asking him to take him to football with you at least once - remain dreams.

An affair is another type of relationship. Here, a woman can relax, because "now" overlaps with "what will happen next." With a lover, she can try what she has long wanted, but different reasons couldn't afford. And if her experiments find a response in the gentleman, then a storm of emotions is guaranteed.

And lastly, revenge. It is not always present in the main psychological reasons betrayal, but may increase the desire for such. Moreover, revenge can be not only for old betrayal husband, but also for lack of attention, for some quarrels, for the same lack of attention, etc. Lack of attention makes a woman feel underestimated by her man, and therefore she begins to look for him on the side, thereby feeling the restoration of justice in relation to herself.
These factors lead a woman to change. And then - a matter of chance and personal beliefs.

However, before you succumb to a rush of emotions, you should think carefully. For someone, betrayal is already a common thing, but for someone it can become a reason for self-flagellation. And the point is not even that it is unfair to the husband (husbands are also different), but that spontaneous relationships sometimes make you feel cheap, which will not please any woman. Yes, sometimes an affair with a lover can become true love, and sometimes - another prudent bastard can leave his lady of the heart with nothing, and even with the knowledge that she cheated on her husband. The main thing is not to be deceived by betrayal and not to start building castles in the air about joint happiness ahead of time.

To put it bluntly, the topic is sensitive. Especially when you realize that the very phrase "push to treason" sounds somewhat absurd. Nevertheless, when we communicate with men and women who have cheated themselves, they unanimously declare that the people they love pushed them to cheat.

It may seem that the traitors are just trying to find an excuse for themselves, but, in reality, not all married men, cheat on their wives, because they "played zealously." There are causes and consequences for everything, and no matter how hard and painful it may be for us, the husband’s betrayal often happens because the wife pushes her husband to cheat.

We are not trying to justify cheating husbands, but since people are alive, they build their behavior depending on the circumstances offered to them. Therefore, it must be understood that certain behavior women themselves can push their husband to cheat, no matter how painful it is.

Communicating with women, we were convinced that many of them even provoke their man on purpose in order to test his feelings. Of course, such experiments often end in betrayal of the husband, because this is a game for a woman, and real feelings and experiences for a man.

When a wife pushes her husband to cheat

So, we come to the most important thing, to when a wife pushes her husband to cheat:

1. When it changes for the worse.

Most of the married women undergo such changes. Changes concern both appearance and character.
Wives become grouchy, inattentive, more focused on themselves. Many people stop looking after their appearance in due measure, this does not even concern the figure itself as much as the fact that women can walk around the house in untidy clothes, with unwashed hair, with an untidy face.

Result.
It is clear that married life is a routine and a huge number of cases, but the fact is that such changes do not attract a man. The wife no longer excites and does not cause former sympathy for herself. And, as long as a man’s feelings are fresh, he can endure it, he can turn a blind eye to it and remain faithful, however, love tends to fade if a loved one does not support it, so sooner or later a man can change.

2. Decreased sexual activity.

Also, very often women push a man to cheat by ceasing to be active in sex or denying him when her husband wants it.

In our practice, there was a family with small children and the spouses were divorced because the wife refused to have sex with her husband.
Therefore, we must remember that sex is not a whim in family relationships, but a conjugal obligation, without which there can be no harmonious and loving relationship. Of course, if the spouses are not engaged in spiritual practices, and their goal is to get rid of carnal pleasures.

Almost no family can do without them, but a quarrel to a quarrel is different. You can quarrel, while maintaining respect for each other, and not go beyond what is permitted. And you can forget about respect, thinking only about your own ambitions and desires. When you quarrel, forgetting about respect for a man, how to stronger sex, he ceases to appreciate you as part of himself and his essence. This leads to the fact that a man no longer values such a woman, and can easily go for treason.

4. Women release men for entertainment after a quarrel.

How often does it happen that you want to relax together, relax, and now you have found the time for this. Of course, you start to get ready, get ready and want to look your best. In the process of these preparations, because of some nonsense, you quarrel with your husband, and not just, but with shouts and reproaches. All this ends in a spoiled mood, and sometimes, everyone sends each other in a certain direction. After that, the woman, upset, stays at home, and the man slams the door and leaves, where he planned.

If such a picture is familiar to you, then stop tempting fate, if not, then do not allow it. Do not leave a man alone where he can find solace.
When we quarrel with a loved one, we often experience an impetuous hatred for him. This makes you do stupid things, one of which can be treason.

Therefore, if a man turns around and leaves, then you don’t have to sit at home out of pride and eat up his baldness with calls or sit and worry. Just calm down, if the quarrel was really over a trifle - never mind. Bring yourself in full order and go to him. The task is not to continue the quarrel, but to do what was originally planned with her husband.

5. No variety in sex

More often or longer?

Here are recent statistics: 76% of men and 21% of women had at least one extramarital affair. By the way, five years ago the figures were somewhat different: 60.7% and 41%, respectively.

Interestingly, the main supplier of change is work. There happens adultery in 28.7% of unfaithful husbands and 31.3% of wives. The "holiday romance" is almost as common; on vacation, 20.7% of men and 34% of women find a partner for infidelity. On business trips, 9.8% and 2.6%, respectively, change. Cheating with neighbors happens in 4% of husbands and 10% of wives.

Another interesting fact. Men are more likely to cheat with unmarried women, but the fair sex - with other people's husbands. At the same time, 19% of men and as many as 54% of women had only one mistress during a legal marriage. That is, women still do not change lovers like gloves, although their relationship on the side can be quite long.

Why all these difficulties...

The quality of sex is a derivative of the human qualities of partners, - says sexologist, doctor of medical sciences, professor Sergey Agarkov. - Such as honesty, openness, creativity, partly sacrifice. The use of sex in order to achieve from a partner the fulfillment of one's own selfish goals, the pursuit of exclusively physiological satisfaction destroys harmony in sex.

So, first, mutual understanding in the family is destroyed. Women call it romantically - "love has passed" (the reason for cheating for 20% of unfaithful wives). Men express themselves more down to earth - "I want something new, interesting" (35%). In recent years, quite a few ladies have joined them - as much as 19%. In any case, carnal treason is just a consequence.

Of great importance is the model of family behavior that is laid down in us by our parents. It turns out that if they cheated on each other, the probability of repeating this path for a child in the future is as much as 80%. It is not surprising that at the same time, men are more inclined to repeat the betrayal of their father, women - mothers, that is, an unfaithful woman will have a son rather than a daughter as an exemplary family man. But blaming the environment, friends and relatives of the unfaithful spouse is useless. "Looking at friends" cheat only 0.8% of husbands and 1.5% of wives.

Male spree…

There is an opinion that male infidelity is safer for marriage. As the saying goes, “leftists make marriages stronger.”

Apparently, this aphorism was invented by men in order to equip themselves with a comfortable niche,” says psychologist, trainer-consultant Natalia Schukina. - Indeed, men who are emotionally tired need to release negative energy, but prefer not to pour it on their wives. With a mistress, you can do without words, without prelude ... Therefore, there is some truth in the fact that male adultery is aimed at preserving the family.

... and female happiness

The fair sex goes to treason longer than the strong. Women are less likely to look for purely physical sensations in connection, although this approach is also found in women over 40-45 years old. But in most cases, the main thing for them is the emotional component.

Let not the ardent passion that they once experienced for their husband, but a respectful, attentive attitude on the part of their lover is extremely important to them. This is recognized by 81% of unfaithful wives participating in opinion polls.

That is why the betrayal of his wife often leads to the complete disintegration of the family.

When a woman decides to cheat, she is already ready to destroy the marriage, even if she herself does not realize it yet, ”says Natalia Schukina. - She goes on the trail of finding another partner.

Sergei Agarkov agrees with this:

Even after leaving the family for some time, having received his portion of adrenaline on the side, a man can begin to appreciate what he had in the family much more, he can understand that it is the family, it is the native walls that make him happy. Having raised self-esteem with the help of infidelity and having solved his emotional problems to some extent, a man can return to a marriage partner. But nature has laid a different degree of responsibility in a woman. The husband is the one with whom she is unconsciously ready to have offspring. And by betrayal, the woman, as it were, says: “You should not have children with this, it is a dead end of evolution.

However, in recent years, women are being pushed to treason and emancipation. Modern culture tells them: you have equal rights with men, you can do the same.

Odysseus and Penelope

So how can you save your family? Let us recall the myth about how the ancient hero Odysseus disappeared for many years, and his faithful wife Penelope was waiting for her husband at home, rejecting all the courtship of many suitors.

As soon as a more or less stable institution of the family appeared, most peoples had a problem of fidelity. But it just so happened that adultery on the part of a woman has always been considered the gravest sin; an act that dishonored not only her, her husband, but also the family in which she was brought up. There are many cases in history when, in order to wash away the shame from the family, the unfaithful was punished by her father or brothers. And the men got away with it. Society has always turned a blind eye to their "pranks".

But even then there were desperate ones who, in spite of everything, still ran away on dates with others. What can we say about our time, when a woman is independent, quite capable of providing for herself and her children, and therefore does not intend to arrange her own imprisonment within the family hearth.

It is this confinement that pushes many women to cheat, psychologists say. One of them, Ekaterina Gorshkova, explains that in any perfect couple in two years married life there comes a moment of "attachment". This is when the spouses already know everything about each other, easily predict the further actions of their half in any situation, so they get bored.

If both spouses are active, they easily fix this by traveling, discovering new types of entertainment: they went to theaters - switched to watching premiere films in cinemas, loved only skiing - now they discovered paintball, became interested in yoga, signed up for interesting courses and so on. It is much worse if only one of the spouses is active, while the other is satisfied with everything in his native environment, on the couch, near the TV. And if this inactive man - a woman will sooner or later look for novelties on the side.

The very word "betrayal" means change, the desire to direct one's life in a different direction, the candidate believes psychological sciences Irina Obukhova. She deals with the problems of family relationships and knows firsthand what pushes a woman to cheat. Most often, this is the same boredom generated by everyday life, in which one day is not much different from another; feeling of dissatisfaction (by no means always sexual); resentment at treason and a desire to inflict a similar blow.

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published data from studies provided by researchers at the University of Florida who were interested in the causes adultery. For three and a half years, they watched almost 240 couples who just got married. Among others, such curious facts were revealed: women who cannot be called beauties were cheated on by their husbands more often, but the ladies themselves in their “campaigns to the left” gave a good head start to married beauties.

One of the authors of the study, Jim McNulty, believes that purely biological characteristics of one of the family members or some kind of childhood psychological impressions can also affect betrayal. This is evidenced by the fact that among the unfaithful spouses, including women, there were those who spoke of complete satisfaction in sexual life with your half.

The study revealed another pattern - the less often a woman had sexual intercourse before marriage, the easier it was for her to commit adultery.

After this research US scientists preoccupied with the problem of their own control in married couples, since in the United States the divorce rate varies from 40 to 50.

True, in the same USA, scientists at the University of California believe that women often live with the man who provides them with security, and use connections on the side in order to have more genetically valuable offspring. And this happens at the level of an instinct that a woman has acquired since prehistoric times, when two things were vital for her: safety and strong healthy offspring.