How to build relationships with your loved one. How to improve family relationships with your husband

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

“I don’t know how to improve relations with my husband. He often says to my claims that he does not understand me and "plays the fool." After work, he closes in on himself, you can’t get a word out of him. I try to communicate with him more, because I think that communication is the main thing, but he is more interested in playing games on the Internet. Just like a little one, he sits and points his finger at his iPhone. I told him that it was more interesting for him to play than with me, but he was offended. I don't know anymore," writes Svetlana.

“Tell me how to improve relations with my husband? I said that we should discuss our problems. He was generally surprised, said: “I thought that with us and you are happy with everything,” he feigned surprise. I lost my temper and told him everything that was boiling over. He just shrugged and said: “why are you just now telling me about this?”. I was also guilty! Now he avoids communication. Maybe I don't know? — Julia writes.

What is marriage and relationships for a man and for what reasons a man leaves communication, see →.

And today I have prepared for you seven simple secrets that will help you behave properly with a man.

1. Your husband can't read your mind.

Have you ever seen a man and a woman in a heated argument? A man stands with a puzzled face, spreads his arms, raised his eyebrows, looks surprised.

"What are you talking about!? I don't understand!"

This is a description of a man who sincerely does not know what the matter is and he has no guesses.

Usually a woman feels wounded and offended here. It seems to her that the man is pretending to be a “fool” or he is just an “insensitive blockhead”. But most often he really does not know what is at stake, especially if it is a dispute and disagreement. If he looks surprised, there is a good chance that he is really surprised and does not understand well what you want from him.

Some men find it difficult to communicate and understand women when there is no concise and clear language. Men are very annoyed when they see that a woman is upset and wants to convey something to them, but they cannot understand what the matter is.

2. Give your husband time for himself.

After a working day, a man wants to come home, to his fortress, relax, unwind. But the first thing he often encounters at home is the demand for his attention, the invasion of his personal space.

"What are you going to eat?"

"Look at these bills!"

"Did you find out when your vacation is?"

“Children do not obey, talk to them…”

In fact, it can wait a bit until the man clears his mind after work. Everything seems to be obvious, but in practice, in ordinary life, many women forget about it.

If you want to good communication, give a man the opportunity to just relax when he comes home tired. Instead of pestering him with questions and concerns, use " Law of First Impression».

The first impression determines our further communication.

We think that the first impression is important at the beginning of the acquaintance. But his strength is great in relationships. Whenever we part for a while and meet again, we are affected by the first impression. Our first words, our facial expressions, our behavior in the first few seconds sets the tone for the rest of the time.

Take control of the first impression in your relationship. When a man returns after a short breakup, create a pleasant and positive impression. Smile, kiss, try to look attractive and let him have his personal space and clear his head. Then he will come to you for attention and communication.

3. Know when to be quiet

Silence is gold. This is useful to remember for women who think that they can change their less talkative man by forcing him to communicate.

Silence is the best strategy if you are more talkative than your loved one. For many women to support happy relationship means to talk with your loved one about everything and as often as possible. Usually such women are never satisfied with communication. They think that the more they talk to a man, the more he will understand their feelings, the sooner he will change and love more. And while a woman tries to increase the number of conversations, he only closes more, moves away and gets annoyed.

If your man is not talkative, you may be trying to get him to talk more. Attempts to force communication will be perceived by him as disrespect. To make such men open up, you need a calm, intelligent approach. If you communicate with him at his pace, you are more likely to influence him favorably.

4. Learn to forgive his mistakes

Know how to forgive and do not hold grudges in your heart against the man you love. When your heart is heavy because of resentment, this is a sign that you are disappointed in him and still have not forgiven him. Yours will show up in communication with him in different ways: in hints, in subtext, in body language. Unfortunately, this can start to work against you.

If a man treats you with love and respect more often than he makes mistakes, learn not to hold grudges against him in your heart. About how to stop being offended, read Samprosvetbulletenya.

If you often criticize your man and challenge his words, he will learn a new way to communicate with you - not to tell you anything at all.

For a man, condemning his answers is the same as being accused of murder when the trial is already just a formality. There is no point in proving and explaining something if the verdict has already been passed.

A woman asks her husband to wash the dishes after the children because she will come home late from work. She comes home tired, goes to the kitchen and sees that the sink is littered with dirty dishes. The husband is napping in front of the TV, still undressed after work.

What would you do in her place?

Wake him up and tell him he's lazy and irresponsible?

Or you will not rush to conclusions?

Suppose it turned out that he, too, had a hard day, that immediately after coming home from work, he began to help one of the children with a school assignment for tomorrow. If a woman lashes out at him with reproaches, he will feel hurt because he did nothing wrong to her. He will feel bitterness and resentment.

If she does not jump to conclusions, he will have a chance to explain everything, and she will see what he is. good father. She will have the opportunity to express her gratitude and praise to him. In this case, the man will be more disposed to fulfill her request.

In a relationship, the same situation can lead to different outcomes if you don't rush to make judgments but give the man a chance first.

I don't want to say that all cases will be the same, but not jumping to conclusions before you have all the information is the best strategy in a relationship with a man.

6. Don't Demand Immediate Decisions

Perhaps you have been in a situation where you say something to a man, waiting for his answer, opinion, decision, but he seems to “freeze” in space and does not hear. In fact, he is simply not ready to give you a definite answer. Do not "pressure", give him time to come to a decision or conclusion, do not put pressure on him.

A man needs more time to process certain information, especially when emotions are involved. Instead of demanding a response from a man right here and now, give him some time to process your conversation and come to rational, honest conclusions and be sincere with you.

If you demand a solution right now, his response will most likely be based on a desire to please you in order to avoid conflict in this moment and you will not understand what he really wants.

7. Don't deny reality

The denial of reality is one of the defense mechanisms of our psyche when we do not want to see reality as it is. This defense mechanism often used by women. For example, in a relationship with a man, a woman may not see any character traits, because of which he behaves this way and not otherwise. A man has his own character warehouse, habits, outlook on life and expectations. Even if you don't like something about it, you can't deny the reality.

If you communicate with a man with the expectation that he will be able to understand you completely and be perfectly reasonable and logical all the time, you will be disappointed.

The first step to improving communication is to accept a man as he is now and how he communicates at this moment.

If you expect a man to communicate and behave in the way you ideally imagine, you put up barriers between you. You can't build a relationship by denying reality.

Of course, each situation is unique and there are no recommendations that would suit every couple 100%. But the main thing is that you already have a desire to improve your communication, change the situation, and this is the first step towards solving problems.

Do you often quarrel with people, does your career and personal life not work out? Perhaps the reason is that you do not know how to build relationships with people. There is nothing to worry about if you are still young: communication and relationships need to be learned too! Here are some tips to help you get your life in order.

How to build relationships with people around

Each of us has his own character, we are well acquainted with our pluses and minuses, but in public we try to appear better than we really are. Situations are different and sometimes they force us to lose our temper.

At such moments, it is very difficult for us to hide our uncontrollable anger and direct it to right direction. Unruly behavior and thus hurting people with whom we communicate every day - friends and colleagues does not bring us Have a good mood. We have to immediately look for ways to build relationships.

Understand yourself first

Maybe the cause of all conflicts is in yourself? Before you try to build relationships with people, look inside yourself. You should know everything about yourself, both advantages and disadvantages. Be objective to yourself and if you can perfectly put up with small weaknesses, then you need to get rid of serious shortcomings that prevent you from living.

Take care of your health, nutrition and physical form. Love yourself with all your flaws. Think about your emotional state. Cultivate self-respect and confidence in yourself and your abilities. Don't try to appear unhappy and lonely. Live actively and interestingly.

What are you giving to relationships?

No one is asking for money from you. But if you want to have a relationship, you need to maintain it. That is to spend on them forces, time, emotions. It doesn't matter what exactly it is. About to say Good morning a neighbor, or to meet a friend once a week, or to spend time together with the children.

How more strength and the time you spend, the greater the return you will receive and you will not have to urgently decide how to build relationships with people. You can't expect much from a relationship in which you don't invest anything. And the more time you spend with family and friends, the better the quality of those relationships will be.

Be honest

Don't hint at things you don't like. Honesty is the key to open and quality relationships. It is completely in vain that it seems to us that everyone already knows about everything, relatives - about our love, friends - that we are nearby. Everything needs to be talked about, and as openly as possible.

If you are offended or upset, there is no need to hide it. This, of course, will not save you from conflicts and disputes, but it will definitely reduce them to a minimum, teach you how to seek compromises and solve problems. Honesty must be complete and absolute, otherwise family relationships. Even if it's your fault. Sorry, and everyone will be better off.

Learn to listen

Don't know how to fix right relationship- learn to listen and hear. Do not rush to express your opinion, take the trouble to first listen to the other person's point of view. Don't jump to conclusions, which often lead to misunderstandings and misjudgments. Learn not to interrupt the interlocutor, whoever it is.

Understand your desires

Another important point: Decide on your desires and voice them. Regardless of what you want, you must understand that other people simply cannot read your mind. It is not worth demanding from them what has not been voiced before.

How are relationships between two people?

Of course, it is best to do so that you do not have to put up, but upset and offended people was not among your entourage, but we do not always succeed in this. Blame it on stress, irritability and our ego.

Sometimes, in order to build relationships with people, a simple apology and recognition of your mistake is enough. Sometimes a chocolate present or beautiful bouquet colors. But in any case, you need to admit your guilt, apologize to all the participants in the unpleasant moment in which you had to play the main role and try to resolve the situation.

If you quarreled with a whole group of colleagues, then the logical decision would be to buy a cake or order a pizza to the office. Indeed, in order to restore a friendly and warm atmosphere, it will be necessary to create conditions so that your apologies and attempt to correct the situation are correctly interpreted and accepted by the entire team.

We eliminate the consequences of quarrels

If your level of stress at work and trying to prove yourself right have led to you arguing directly with your supervisor, then you should start your next sentence with an apology.

In order to forgive in this case, you can refer to whatever you want. Well for this option, if the boss and business partners took part in a quarrel with you, the option of a public apology is suitable.

In an attempt and active search the answer to the question of how to build relationships with people is to be consistent. If you throw up scandals every day, and then also violently apologize, then this style of behavior at work will not bring you anything good.

It can even do harm, becoming for the boss great occasion cut your size first wages and then fire you altogether.

Fixing bugs

To forge normal relationship after a quarrel or a small misunderstanding, you need to smooth out an unpleasant situation. A confession of your mistake, an apology and just a present as compensation for the inconvenience caused and nervous stress.

Compensate

If we are talking about the offense that you inflicted on a person completely unwillingly, you should publicly apologize, say that you are sorry about what happened and offer something as atonement for guilt.

It can be a laid buffet table, sweet table or inviting the person you offended to a restaurant for dinner. A gift in the form of a dinner for two is also suitable (we give a certificate).

Do not spare money for apologies to those people whom you offended. Believe me, if you don’t apologize in time, you will have to fix much more. severe consequences.

Moreover, this method of apology with compensation will serve as an excellent lesson for you, and next time you will think well when you have a desire to assert yourself or offend someone.

good lesson in the form of putting yourself in the place of the person you offended, it will help to establish relationships and next time not to make mistakes that can cost you and you dearly offended person causing unnecessary anxiety.

How relationships develop at work

IN Everyday life Our life is made up of relationships. Everywhere we are surrounded by people with their own problems. In any situation, you need to know how to build relationships so as not to feel guilty or annoyed.

At work, we sometimes meet not only a benevolent attitude, but also injustice. How to behave so that such relationships do not interfere with your career or personal life.

To have a good relationship in a team, you must always be responsible for your actions and words. If you are new to work, try to avoid unnecessary provocative questions. Do not rush to dump the details of your personal life on new colleagues.

To improve relationships with people, try to restrain your emotions until you get to know the new team better. Observe more and draw conclusions. Do not take part in gossip and discussions of superiors.

When taking part in joint tea parties, try to treat colleagues with something tasty more often. Share your favorite recipes, indoor flowers, keep conversations on neutral topics.

How to build relationships with people if you quarreled

Having made an unpleasant situation in communication with friends or girlfriends, try to figure it out together. Only straight Talk will help maintain and restore relationships.

Unfortunately, on our way we often meet people who are dissatisfied with others. It's hard to build relationships with these people. Their negative emotions can ruin your mood for the whole day. Don't try to get in with them. open conflicts. Such a position can lead to undisguised aggression in a showdown.

Quite different situations occur when you have to prove your professional innocence. Try to always follow the law and the rules. Then you will not be blamed for anything.

Often ambitious people try to play by their own rules. Tough characters should not look for your weaknesses. Having once again shown perseverance, you will show yourself a worthy opponent and will not allow yourself to be ridden.

How to solve the problem of relating to other people

It is impossible to be good for everyone. But it is always necessary to look for an opportunity and find a compromise. This applies to all areas of relationships. Work, shopping, leisure, communication with doctors and teachers - require care and restraint.

Happen unpleasant situations with close friends. Friendship breaks up, sometimes due to inattention, indifference or empty gossip. If you want to keep the relationship and regain trust and engagement, try to take the first step yourself. Perhaps a heart-to-heart talk will help restore sincerity and confidence.

Sometimes, sincere conversation helps not only to establish relationships with people, reanimate relationships, but also give them a new development. Joint trips to the cinema, outdoor recreation and family celebrations will help to return the favor of old friends.

Be more attentive and polite to others. Smile at meetings, ask about family, children and do not try to burden people with your problems.

The answers to the question of this article must be sought, first of all, in your behavior and manner of communicating. Do not demonstrate once again negative emotions and intransigence. It is very easy to offend a person with a word. Do not complain that your friends have forgotten you, that they can only call if necessary. Perhaps you also need to show maximum participation and not get off with congratulations on duty on calendar dates.

Greetings to all! Today I want to tell how to build relationships with your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. The basis for this article was, which was supported by my readers.

I asked them to email me about their relationship problems, and based on their responses, I've tried to present in this article the most common couple relationship problems. I also built on my past mistakes of living with my wife. From these mistakes, I drew conclusions, which I am happy to share in these rules.

Rule 1 - Take responsibility

We have all heard a lot about how important it is to be able to take responsibility in a relationship. And what kind of disasters does it lead to when partners begin to shift the blame for their actions and words onto another person or blame circumstances for everything.

But for me, accepting responsibility means not only openly admitting your guilt, but, most importantly, it means being ready to correct what has developed through your fault. People who blame their partner or someone else for their troubles, but not themselves, simply capitulate to difficulties, give up. “It’s not my fault, so I can’t do anything about it!”

But to take responsibility means to come to the conclusion: “Yes, this happened because of me, so I can influence it!”

I understand how hard it can be to admit to a partner that you made a mistake, that you could have done better than you did. And it is most difficult to do this in those moments when your pride is hurt. But if you do not, then you will turn away from the problem and it will hang, unresolved, in the space of your relationship.

You subconsciously think that by admitting mistakes, you demonstrate weakness. But in fact, taking responsibility, stepping over your wounded pride and self-esteem, you show real strength! Because it's much easier to blame someone else than it is to admit your mistake! desire to point to real reasons problems and fix them, even if you created these reasons - a sign of real courage and wisdom.

Where does your responsibility in a relationship begin and end? I believe it goes much further than many of you are used to thinking. You are responsible not only for your actions, but also for your reaction to events.

If your wife pissed you off with her unfair accusation, and you offended her in response, then it’s not only your spouse’s fault that she began to unfairly accuse you, but you too. Your responsibility lies in the fact that you could not control yourself and brought to the scandal, although you could solve the problem more calmly. You are a free person and you are responsible for your reaction, no one can make you angry, annoyed and lose your temper. Get out of yourself only yourself.

If your husband does not want to give up his bad habits, despite your assurances, think about it, maybe you pressed him too hard, blamed him, instead of treating him with understanding and offering a way out of the problem?

But taking responsibility does not mean blaming yourself for everything. It means coming to terms with how much you and your partner can participate in solving the problem instead of turning away from it. In the examples above, both partners are responsible for the problem. And believe me, if you take on some of your responsibility, and do not completely blame it on your partner, then it will be much easier for your partner to realize their own participation in the problem.

Agree there is a big difference between:

“I’m tired of you constantly blaming me for everything! You cannot live without your claims!”

“I think my mistake is that I lost my temper, I should not have yelled at you and provoked a conflict. Perhaps your accusations are not without foundation, but you express them in a very aggressive way, and it seems to me that they are somewhat unfair. Let's deal with this. I don't need to shout, but you need to learn to speak your mind calmly."

I'm not saying that both spouses are to blame for every conflict. I'm trying to say how important it is to solve every problem in the family together! After all, relationships are not only about you, they are also about the other person. And if both partners do not take an active part in the relationship, then such a relationship will collapse.

And if you and your partner cannot share responsibility for the conflict, then use good rule. Instead of arguing about who is right and who is wrong, each of you ask yourself: “What can I personally do to improve the situation?” Believe if each of the partners will be guided by this simple principle, then it will become much easier to develop your relationships and find a way out of problem situations.

Rule 2 - Don't leave conflicts unattended

I know how much I want to hug after the ardor of a quarrel, give a rest to tense nerves and calmly forget about what caused the conflict, until the next similar one happens. Avoid this common mistake in your relationship! Yes, give yourself time, calm down, make peace, but then return to the analysis of the causes of the conflict. Why did it happen? Who is responsible for it? How can you personally and your spouse solve this problem?

But don't get attached to the temporary excitement of the truce. Now you want to act, but soon your ardor will pass. In order not to give up and not return to ignoring the problem. Discuss as specifically as possible each other's actions to resolve the conflict. When will you start these activities? What will these actions be? Which approximate dates overcoming problems you see?

If one of you constantly loses your temper and shows excessive emotionality, start practicing practices that help balance your emotions, such as yoga or.

If conflicts are due to bad habits spouse, then find a way to help a person get rid of these habits. But let the one who will fight addiction not be left alone! Let him see understanding, love and readiness to provide any support from his partner.

Don't focus only on what you know. If you do not know a way to solve your problem, this does not mean that such a way does not exist. If you really want to overcome some difficulty, you will find how to do it. Because whoever seeks will always find! And all the barriers are created only by laziness.

Resolve conflicts constructively instead of yelling at each other and then hugging and forgetting everything until the next fight.

Rule 3 - Be less offended and be able to forgive

Resentment in a relationship serves as a way to influence your partner: "look how bad you did, so I won't talk to you". Or it could be a way of revenge: “For what you did, I will be offended by you”. The danger of resentment is the same as the danger of passionate reconciliation, after which we forget about what the conflict was about. Emotions slowly subside, resentment passes: after all, we cannot be angry forever. And sometimes it seems to us that we have already solved the problem with our resentment. Or we showed our partner how offended we were, and now we think that he himself will understand everything and correct himself. Or we survived the “preventive” period of lack of communication with each other, during which, as it seems to us, our relations have recovered by themselves and can continue further.

But this is a deceptive feeling, moreover, it can be not only for you, but also for your partner. Neither you nor he will want to return to a conflict that seems to have already passed.

But it's always better to go back to the causes of the conflict, as I said in the previous paragraph. If you want to influence your partner, it is always better to do it in the form of a calm, constructive dialogue than resentment. Well, revenge certainly will not make your relationship better.

Some people are also offended by the fact that they unconsciously understand the absurdity of their claims, they understand that it is better not to express them directly, but to be offended and not to say what, this is just right! Avoid these games! At all avoid any methods of manipulating your partner's feelings one of which is resentment.

But even if you are offended, then know how to forgive!

Rule 4 - Admit your guilt

It can be very important for your partner that you admit your guilt and sincerely repent. Even after the conflict has exhausted itself, and you have reconciled, do not be too lazy to apologize, say how sorry you are if you feel your own mistake. Forget that before that you defended yourself with ardor and did not want to admit responsibility, step over your pride and say that you were wrong. But just do it with with a pure heart and sincere intentions!

Don't do it as a favor or present it as a generous and noble act in the expectation that your partner will immediately fall on your face before your remorse. Be prepared that your apologies may be met with a cold and unenthusiastic response. You should not react to this as if your noble gesture was not appreciated. Believe me time will pass, and your remorse will fall like a coin into the piggy bank of your relationship!

Rule 5 - Listen to the other, learn to take criticism soberly

In the midst of a conflict, when partners exchange accusations and claims, in fact, no one listens to anyone. Each of the parties to the conflict is in a state of attack or defense, but not of perception and understanding. Our psyche is arranged in such a way that we first of all try to protect ourselves from criticism, find contradictions in it, find the most convincing refutation or respond to it with retaliatory criticism. The problem is that we do not always think about how it really is, do not see the truth, obeying the ancient mental mechanism. And we think that since it seems to us that we are right, it means that we are really right.

Try to change these habitual patterns and instead of immediately looking for another counterargument in a quarrel, think about how thorough the criticism addressed to you is? Try to take your mind off your resentment and irritation. Don't let your offended Ego run ahead of you like a man stung by a bee.

The criticism-stung ego makes you think, "I feel I've been wronged, I have to respond." It prevents you from looking at the problem from the perspective of another person. But if we first of all try to imagine how the other person sees everything, then we will become much more objective and understand our partner better, therefore, we will not react so sharply to criticism and perceive it more soberly.

Just take a time out, calm your emotions, let the wounded pride, which again and again brings you back to the insults of your “I”, be silenced. And calmly concentrate on your partner, try to mentally move into him. How does he see the situation in the context of what you know about him and your relationship history? Why is he criticizing you? What reasons does he have for this? How does he react to some of your actions, how does he feel? Does he allow such actions towards you? How would you feel if you were treated like this?

During this mental exercise, your Ego will like a magnet attract your thoughts back to itself, to the “I” position, as soon as you notice this, smoothly transfer your attention to the “HE-SHE (She feels, she wants)” position. When you try this, you will understand that it is not at all easy to go beyond your Self, your desires and put yourself in the place of another person. But everything comes with experience and you can learn to change your egocentric perception of everything over time.

I cannot say that this exercise will necessarily lead you to the fact that you will see only your own guilt in what happened. No, you will simply begin to understand your partner better and take criticism more soberly.

Also ask yourself: how can criticism help you? Yes, to help. Listening to criticism means not taking it as a way to lower your dignity or lower your self-esteem. This is an opportunity to get an idea of ​​your shortcomings, weaknesses or to understand how your partner perceives you.

Imagine that you came to the doctor for a check-up and he says to you: "you have bad posture, excess weight And elevated level cholesterol". It is not very reasonable to answer him: “Look at yourself, but you yourself are not very slender!” Of course, it would be right to listen to the words of the doctor and take advantage of his recommendations, for example, eat less fatty foods and go to the gym.

But why can't we always listen to the words of our soul mate, even if they relate to our character and personality? After all, we can also change it, recognize our shortcomings and get rid of them, just as we can correct problems with overweight. Understand that criticism is not meant to remind you of your weaknesses, it gives you the opportunity to improve, to become better!

Of course, it is not always adequate. But if it does not correspond to reality, what is the use of being offended and worried? And if it is true, then all the more you should not respond with reciprocal accusations! Most often there is a mixed version: criticism becomes exaggerated, amplified by emotions and resentment, embellished with speculation. And the true wisdom of a relationship lies in being able to extract from it what is really true and use it in order to better understand yourself. And at the same time, do not respond to empty and unfounded accusations.

I will explain everything said in this paragraph with an example from my family life. My wife sometimes says to me: "You never listen to me" when I, in Once again burying myself in my work, I miss her words past my ears.

Of course, my Self does not accept such a sharp wording: "Never!" (after all, this is not true!) and begins to defend himself. My first reaction was usually: “Yes, you exaggerate everything, you just distract me, I can’t switch quickly when I’m working, you yourself can’t find the moments when it’s better to contact me”. But when you try to distract yourself from your I, a slightly different picture comes out.

Indeed, often when a spouse contacts me, I don’t react, even if I’m not busy with work, but just think about something ( I consider this conflict in the context of the history of relationships in order to understand how she perceives it). Did I notice such a reaction on her part ( does she do that)? When I talk to her, most of the time she listens to me. But if she constantly ignored my words, then I would probably be offended by this ( What if I were in her place?). And resentment causes emotions because of which she says: “You never listen!” ( what feelings does she have?) Of course, this is an exaggeration, often I listen to what she is trying to tell me. This exaggeration is caused by feelings, but these feelings can be understood. Probably, I need to be more attentive and learn to listen to my spouse when she talks to me, and not to hover in my thoughts. I will just become more attentive in life if I learn to listen to her ( How will this help me get better?).

Rule 6 - Pay attention to the positives

It just so happens that we gradually get used to the virtues of our soulmate. They become a given for us, and we basically begin to notice the shortcomings. Especially clearly these shortcomings are seen in comparison with other pairs. After I lived for several years with my future wife, I began to think that we might not be suitable for each other, that we are different in many ways. I began to dwell on the differences and shortcomings, and at one time it seemed that they represented the only and most significant problem.

And only a few years later I realized how much we really have in common. And this commonality and similarity is manifested in such basic things that you quickly get used to them, and sometimes it is difficult to see, especially if you start thinking only about the differences and shortcomings of a partner. And the nuances, they are nuances for that, in order to stand out against the background of general patterns, attracting attention to themselves.

People are different and everyone has their flaws. You will not be able to find an ideal or ideally similar person to you. It just has to be accepted.

Try not to constantly compare your partner with others. Try to think about what is good about him, how you are like him, instead of thinking only about the bad. Why did you love him? Maybe for understanding, for his character, for his mind, for those things that remain in him now, but you just stopped paying attention to them? Imagine these virtues in your mind and mentally thank the person for having them. A better words tell your young man how grateful you are to him for his qualities and how you love him for it! He will be very pleased, he will see that his merits are appreciated, and not ignored. Let's do it today when you see it! And in general, try to praise him more often (but do not overdo it, avoid flattery), so that he sees how dear he is to you, and that you can see in him what he probably values ​​​​most of all in himself, what he tries to maintain and develop .

Of course, it happens that your partner practically consists of only flaws. In this case, you do not need to look for a grain of good in it in order to grab onto it. Here already something needs to be changed in the relationship.

And remember to seek positive sides in another person does not mean accepting his shortcomings. Try to help him correct his shortcomings. But it is not necessary only to make up the appearance of a person from them.

Rule 7 - Be sincere and open

There is a wonderful classic multi-part film by Ingmar Bergman "Scenes from a Married Life". The film shows how insincerity, secrecy, avoidance of "forbidden" topics can lead to the collapse of outwardly prosperous relationships.

Do not bring the relationship to what the heroes of this picture brought them to (divorce). Remember, there are no "forbidden" topics in a relationship. If you are tormented by doubts, fears, insecurities, tell your partner about it. Let him know what you don't like about your relationship, listen to what he feels uncomfortable and displeased with. Discuss it and come to a compromise. No need to avoid "sensitive" issues, like sex, because this is also part of the relationship.

Of course, you should not try to forcefully find out all the secrets of your spouse, but reveal all your past secrets yourself. This also needs to be balanced, as well as everything else that concerns your relationship.

Rule 8 - Develop your relationship by developing yourself!

It would be a big mistake to think that relationships will develop by themselves, as soon as they start. Relationships require constant attention, the involvement of both partners.

Development does not only mean strengthening the connection, for example, the decision to cohabitation, marriage, the birth of children, but also the personal development of each partner!

Relationships sometimes require a lot more from people than loneliness, a separate existence. Why? Because in order for the connection between two people to be strong and harmonious, both of them will need to step over that part of themselves that is the hardest to step over! Through your selfishness, your endless desires.

Both partners need to learn to listen to the other, find a compromise, give in and care. But not everyone has these qualities and often they need to be developed. That is why I understand the problems of many young couples, which consist in the fact that there is a strong conflict of interests between two people, one of them or each is trying to do as he wants, without listening to the wishes of the partner.

And there is nothing surprising in this, just as there is nothing surprising in the fact that a person, embarking on new job, performs it with errors, since he has no experience. But relationships also require experience and certain skills. It happens that before a person had his first relationship, for him there were no other people with their desires. There were his parents who took care of him, friends who didn't demand much. And he had only his "I", with all his desires, which he used to satisfy without making allowances for other people. He does not even understand that there is another person who also wants something. And the desires of partners do not always coincide.

The ability to find a compromise, to listen to another person is a skill that needs to be developed. From my reasoning, it may seem that relationships are some kind of prison, calling on a person to give up what is dear to him for his precious personality. But it's not. The development of compassion, empathy, the ability to say “no” to thousands of “wants” actually lead to freedom. Freedom from our selfish desires, our Ego that commands us. Altruism is not rigid self-restraint, it is an attempt to get rid of anger, self-indulgence, stubbornness, obsession with oneself for the sake of joint happiness. A strong relationships, on the one hand, they require a person to step over his egoism, on the other hand, they are an excellent school for the development of altruism, understanding and empathy. I will return to this idea in the conclusion.

Relationships discipline and strengthen the personality and through this they themselves become stronger.

Rule 9 - Don't build relationships around sex

In our free age, after the atmosphere of puritanical morality began to evaporate in the relationships of people around the world, which tabooed the discussion of sex and belittled its role in the life of spouses, people began to strive from one extreme to another. From the extreme of prohibition and secrecy to the extreme of openness and permissiveness.
Sex began to acquire more and more greater value for people. Undoubtedly, it is of considerable importance in a relationship. But here, too, a balance must be struck, without overestimating the role of sexual intimacy.

Many people see it as a disaster that sex is not as varied and wild as they would like it to be. This leads them to either break existing relationships, or to search for relationships on the side. But in fact, sexual pleasure is just one of the many forms of a love affair, there are many manifestations of love besides it!

Of course, there is nothing wrong with striving to improve the quality sexual life. But you can’t get hung up on it, believing that the absence of a stormy and frequent sex destroys your relationship when everything else is in order. Maybe it's not the lack of everyday pleasure that makes you unsatisfied? What makes you so is your irrepressible, unbridled desires that you cannot fully satiate, no matter how many partners you have and how often you have sex! You can’t give full play to your desires, not only because of some moral considerations, but because the more you indulge them, the more hungry, gluttonous and insatiable they become!

Constant sex with multiple partners will not make you happy, it will make you addicted!

Puritan prohibitions also had their own wisdom, aimed at curbing spoilage, depravity and satiety. Although strict prohibitions are also extremes that should be avoided.

No matter how stormy sex is, it is not able to bind two partners as tightly as empathy, friendship, deep understanding, care, love. Building relationships around sex means making them limited, weak, dependent, and incomplete.

Rule 10 - Accept that you may have different interests

Your interests do not have to coincide in everything. No need to look for similarities in everything and suffer because of the lack thereof. Today I was asked. “Nikolai, I see that your wife’s website is dedicated to esotericism, and you yourself seem to be far from mysticism. How do you find a compromise between your views and the beliefs of your spouse?

The fact of the matter is that I cannot say that we have agreement on this issue and that we are striving for it. My wife believes in things that I don't, but that's okay! At different people different views and beliefs, that's the way we are. And the art of relationships is to stop making a big deal out of it, to accept the fact that people are different.

It cost me a lot of work and time to learn a little not to take hostility the beliefs of my soul mate, not to argue on every occasion, not to criticize them. I realized how important it is for her what she believes in and began to respect and appreciate it. After all, it brings joy and peace of mind to the person I love.

I cannot say that we are trying hard to come to some kind of compromise, a synthesis of my and her views with her convictions. Despite the fact that in many places we agree, somewhere we categorically disagree with each other. But we try to just leave it as it is, and calmly accept it. Why should one person change his views to please another?

If your young man, for example, sometimes plays computer games, and you consider this a useless and stupid activity, then you should not try to convince him every time of what nonsense he is doing, if this does not bring much harm to the family. If he allows himself this in rare cases, then leave it as it is. Respect someone else's small and harmless weakness. And the top of your generosity and understanding will be, for example, to give him some kind of computer game, even if you think that this is a waste of money. But it will be nice for your young man!

Personally, it took a lot of work for me to accept even the small expenses of my wife on esotericism, which, of course, I considered meaningless. But I think I managed to go through this stage and come to the understanding that she likes it, how she loves it, therefore, these expenses cannot be empty. And I am very glad that I managed to overcome this rejection in myself.

On the other hand, if you yourself are a young man whom your spouse accuses of devoting a couple of hours a week to computer games take it easy. She does not need to prove in the heat of the moment that you are developing yourself in this way and enter into polemics and quarrels. Yes, your wife cannot understand you, but leave it as it is, do not try to come to an agreement through quarrels and insults. If you stop responding to her attacks, then sooner or later she will run out of “fuel” for accusations.

I do not mean to say that one should not strive for understanding and compromise. Try to understand how important certain things are for your soul mate. But if you can’t understand this in any way, these things seem empty and stupid to you, just accept it and let your loved one enjoy them. But here, too, you should not take this principle to an extreme and allow your partner some completely destructive behavior, for example, drinking every day or getting addicted to drugs. Everything has a limit.

Rule 11 - Know how to say no!

You should not constantly indulge the absurd demands of your spouse. If your significant other, for example, requires you to report on every step you take, outside of his or her presence, then you do not have to satisfy this desire. No need to feed other people's shortcomings, such as fear and paranoia. You should not think that if you refuse your husband or wife something deeply unpleasant for you, you will lose his love and respect. On the contrary, in this way you will preserve and demonstrate your own independence, the presence of your will and your desires.

Rule 12 - Keep a balance between time spent together and the independence of each partner

Try not to impose yourself excessively on your partner. Leave him room for independence. You should not try to control his every step and strive to fill all the time with being near him. I understand that this advice is difficult to follow for those who see the meaning of life only in their love for one person. But the intrusive desire to limit someone else's freedom may meet resistance and rejection of your partner. In order not to experience painful attachment to your husband or wife, learn to spend time alone with yourself. Indeed, in a relationship there should be room for both loneliness and your personal affairs. Find something that you enjoy, that brings you joy, that you can do and enjoy when your partner is not around. Do not reduce your whole life only to your relationships, expand the horizons of your hobbies and activities!

But at the same time, concern for one's own independence should not develop into promiscuity and ignoring relationships. Yes, on the one hand, you should not try to spend all the time in each other's arms, but also you should not neglect the care of the relationship and the attention that you can give to your spouse. And there is no need to endure the fact that your soul mate does not pay attention to you at all. How to find a balance?

Meetings should not be too rare if you have serious relationship, but at the same time, you do not have to see each other every day, unless, of course, both of you want to. If your husband sometimes meets with friends, with work partners, then there is nothing to worry about, he should have his own life. But if it develops into everyday activities after work, when he doesn’t see you anyway, then this is already going beyond. In general, there can be no precise recommendations on how not to cross a certain line between imposition and the right to independence. You need to rely on your wisdom. Remember, the devil lives in extremes!

Rule 13 - Don't "play chamomile"

“We are doing so well, he is wonderful and caring, but I think I have lost strong feelings for him.” From the fact of not having feelings, people often make a big problem.

Do not take the weakening of feelings as a symptom that there are problems in the relationship and some action needs to be taken. Do not get attached to feelings, because they are temporary and impermanent. Passion and strong love pass, such is the nature of man. Even when they appear in a relationship, they are not permanent: either they are there, or they are not there, then you feel some kind of surge of tenderness towards your partner, but at another moment, listening to yourself, you understand that these feelings do not exist.

If you put such an unreliable and fickle thing as feelings as the basis of your relationship, then your relationship will become just as unreliable and fickle. It's like building only wind farms in one country. The weather is very changeable, so the supply of electricity to cities will be very unstable.

I'm not saying you should completely ignore your emotions. You just should not see them as the only criterion for your relationship. You shouldn't get attached to them. If your husband is really caring and sensitive, if everything is fine with you, then you don’t have to constantly play camomile and try to evoke feelings in yourself. So, on the contrary, you will only attract tension and doubts that will make it difficult to see any emotions. Therefore, relax, enjoy the relationship, stop thinking about it, and then the feelings will come on their own, and then leave again, only to return later. After all, they are as unpredictable as the wind!

And perhaps, when you relax, you will understand that there have always been feelings, just behind your desire for strong feelings, to unbridled passion, you have already forgotten how to distinguish softer emotions. The abundance of bright sensual colors at the beginning of a relationship can distort your vision, so that you stop seeing calm tones for a while.

The same can be applied to your expectations from a partner. Don't expect him to always be Romeo in love. His feelings are just as fickle as yours. Make allowance for the fact that men tend to be more reserved in expressing their feelings than women.

Rule 14 - Learn Diplomacy

I am sure that many of those reading this article are faced with the problem that they would like to positively influence their partner, but they do not succeed. Your partner does not pay attention to you or has flaws that he does not want to correct, and you can’t set him on the right path in any way. You are concerned about your relationship and you have a completely noble desire to fix it. I think that those who are used to letting things take their course are unlikely to read about how to fix relationships. So, this is a small compliment to you.

Changing, correcting a partner is a very difficult task and not always feasible. I know this firsthand. My spouse for a long time could absolutely do nothing with my laziness, indifference, violent emotions, licentiousness, irresponsibility and infantilism. Of course, I did not want to listen to anything, because, as it seemed to me, I myself knew everything better than anyone, and no one could be my decree. And I understand that such pride is characteristic of many people, especially men. They are more than women subject to the illusion that they know everything about everything that is always right. They always strive to form an opinion in advance about every thing in the world, even if they do not understand something. They do not want to accept someone else's help and someone else's support, and if they use it, then without gratitude.

Of course, I am not generalizing and do not want to say that all men behave this way. I just met more men with the described qualities than women. Yes, I used to be like that too. And I must not have been helped by any assurances until I myself wanted to change.

Therefore, I understand how difficult it is to explain something to a proud person, for whom it is much more important to remain in the paradigm of their ideas and beliefs, to feel right than to improve, to become better. His pride, like a wall, can reflect all sincere attempts to help. So how do you influence your partner? I think that the issue of subtle diplomacy requires a separate article, which I may publish. But I'll still give you a few tips.

There is no need to aggressively impose on a person some truths with which he does not agree. Encourage him to try everything on his own experience, to see everything for himself. Create the appearance that your partner has reached everything himself, and not at your behest. Praise him and show him how much you appreciate his efforts to overcome his shortcomings.

But at the same time, do not scold for failures, urge you to calmly try again and again. No need to tell him how bad he is, rather tell him how you suffer because of his shortcomings and how you would like him to overcome them. Carry on a dialogue with him, take an interest in his successes, suggest new methods. Let him at least try, and if something does not work, he will have the right to quit. Help and guide, but at the same time leave room for independence.

Rule 15 - Build relationships on trust

The more you show trust in your partner, the harder it will be for him to betray that trust. After all, it is much worse to lose what you have than to simply confirm existing fears and suspicions. If possible, avoid paranoia, constant checks, surveillance, leading questions. As I wrote in an article about, this behavior does not serve to strengthen relationships, but only slowly destroys them.

While of course you can't trust someone who constantly deceives you, over-trusting is also bad! Be careful, do not let any crooks turn your head and play with your feelings. If a person has deceived your trust one or more times, draw conclusions and be vigilant!

Rule 16 - Always do more than is required of you

Often old lovers get tired of any manifestation of initiative, creativity and desire for novelty. They get used, each to their own, unspoken duties, and do not want to do anything that goes beyond their scope.

But new positive trends in relationships, a fresh initiative is always good! It brings people together, awakens dormant feelings, helps to feel care and warmth, rather than indifference and coldness. That's why make unexpected gifts and surprises, master the skill of family life alien to you. If you are a man, then start cooking, making it easier for your wife to do this duty. If you are a woman, think of something pleasant and useful that you can please and surprise your spouse with. Be creative and be creative.

Think about what your soul mate wants, what will make her work easier and make her or him happy. This is not only about making unexpected surprise, but also about taking part in your partner's life, stop focusing only on your life and your problems.

Rule 17 - Be willing to let go of a deadlocked relationship

This article provides tips on how to build and improve relationships. I believe it's better to try a few times to fix a potentially good relationship than to end it. My wife did not leave me five years ago, despite my inability then to think of anyone other than myself. Since then, I have changed drastically, realized my mistakes and corrected them, which also helped me to write this article. But it took me a while to change, and I understand that well. Therefore, I urge everyone to give their halves a chance, because who knows what might happen in the future from what we have now?

But here you need to strike a balance. In general, this entire article is about balance. After all, relationships are the embodiment of compromise, and the art of maintaining relationships, just like, lies in the ability to balance between several extremes. So all the advice here is ambiguous, they don't tell you to "do this, don't do that", they rather give us direction, relying on your wisdom to find a middle ground. Try to correct the partner, but at the same time do not push with all your weight. Give freedom, but at the same time do not allow the relationship to be neglected. Give in, but in some situations, say a clear “no”. Trying to understand other people's interests, but accepting that understanding is not always possible ...

And I realize that although in some situations it is better to fix the relationship, in other situations it is better to end it altogether. If your partner consistently behaves in a way that you don't like despite your efforts to positively influence them. If he offends you, does not manage his anger well, dissolves his hands and does not want to be corrected. If you have done everything to improve the relationship, but your efforts have not led to anything. If you constantly suffer because of other people's grievances and unfair suspicions. Then it is better to think about how to end such a relationship. Especially if you are still young and have no children. Don't worry, you'll find a much better partner. You don't deserve to be a martyr or babysit for someone all your life.

Conclusion - Relationships and Self Development

The ability to maintain relationships is determined by the personal skills of both partners: caring, altruism, understanding the other, the ability to give in and compromise. Relationships are not a market economy in which everyone can thrive only by taking care of themselves exclusively.

I returned to this question again, as this is the most important. And most of the problems in relationships occur precisely because of selfishness and unwillingness to put yourself in the place of another!

Relationships do not serve to satisfy your pride, voluptuousness, selfishness, but for the harmonious coexistence and development of two people! As I wrote above, relationships will help you develop altruism and understanding, as well as many other skills. In my opinion, a long-term relationship between a man and a woman is a school of self-development and personality education! And the positive experience that you get from life with your wife or husband, you can apply in absolutely any relationship, with subordinates or bosses, with friends or opponents, with children or pensioners. It will also serve as a reliable support in many life situations. After all, diplomacy, patience, the ability to listen - these are the qualities that are simply necessary to achieve success in life and personal happiness.

I often meet people who have relationship problems or no relationship at all. For some of them, relationships are a series of suffering and quarrels.

Others are simply on a constant search and can't seem to find permanent partner: all their attempts to maintain a long-term relationship turn into a failure. Still others simply do not look for anyone, or they doubt themselves very much, or they just like to be alone.

But in many cases, all these people have one thing in common: not only changeable fortune or bad choice partners prevents them from gaining family happiness. Often these people simply do not have personal qualities without which it will be difficult to maintain these relations. These people are infantile, devoid of a sense of responsibility, overly demanding and harsh, or vice versa, extremely soft-bodied, cannot cope with their changing emotions, do not know how to listen and understand the needs of other people, selfish, self-contained and shy, prone to fears and anxieties. This list can be continued for a long time, but one thing is important: if a person wants to long term relationship, then it must have some quality.

(I'm not at all going to say that all single people are like that. Not at all. Some of them really like loneliness and independence. They feel self-sufficient and are able to lead a harmonious life without any constant relationship. I have nothing against it, this is a personal choice of each I also want to clarify that if you understand what you have strong problems in a relationship, this does not necessarily mean that the problem is rooted in your personality. It happens that the reason for this is related to your partner or external factors.

But, nevertheless, what I wrote about above happens and, moreover, often.)

This does not mean that he should have these qualities from the very beginning. Each person can change for the better and love and family connection can help him in this.
I see human relationships as fertile ground for the personal development of two people who share the same bond. By strengthening this relationship, you will not only make the connection with your husband or wife stronger, but you will also become better and happier yourself.

After a fight, people can get so angry and feel like they've been betrayed that rebuilding the relationship seems almost impossible. an impossible task. Very hard to maintain healthy relationships without disagreement. The balance between quarrels and reconciliations is not easy and much depends on your perception. Learn to resolve conflicts for the common good and move in a positive direction.

Steps

Part 1

Deal with the aftermath of a fight

1. Keep your distance. In the heat of a scandal or in the ashes of the aftermath of a conflict, it is difficult to see the situation in its true light. The person with whom you quarreled is perceived as "worse than anywhere" and his every action looks like some kind of defensive initiative. Try to distance yourself a little from the fight so you can see the situation and the person clearly. Take a couple of steps back and look at them from a different angle. It may turn out that you should relax your critical perception and take responsibility for your "contribution" to the quarrel.

   • Focus on yourself, not your partner. Can you assess your own feelings of guilt, shame, or fear? How do your inner demons affect relationships?

2. Discuss the accumulated feelings. Without starting another fight, discuss the feelings, situations, and other factors that caused the disagreement. Take Special attention to your feelings. How did you feel before the conflict? What about during a fight? Ask questions like these to your partner and openly discuss your feelings.

   • Before the fight, you might feel tired, lonely, hungry, or depressed. It is likely that you experienced stress at work or school and came home with this feeling.
   • During an argument, you may have felt neglected, attacked, defensive, misunderstood, fearful, depressed, ashamed, or lacking in love.

3. Restore missing parts. Together with this person, discuss the aspects that were overlooked during the quarrel. Has there been a misunderstanding? Was there an erroneous assumption? You could not convey to the interlocutor what you had in mind (or vice versa)? Why did the conversation turn into a conflict and did not return to the framework of the conversation? What caused the discord?

   • Think about how to build mutual understanding in the future and not rush to conclusions. What lessons can be learned from the latest controversy?

4. Recognize the importance of each other. For a moment, forget about the subject of the dispute and acknowledge each other's feelings. Listen carefully to the interlocutor. Do not interrupt and do not rush to express your own opinion. Let him complete every thought. Relax your guard and let the person into your heart. Discuss both views of the situation and remember that there are no "wrong" opinions.

   • For example, a quarrel could arise on the basis of money, but the partner was provoked by the fear of a lack of funds and he flared up. Instead of fighting over money, acknowledge your partner's fear and the acceptability of such feelings.

5. Take responsibility. Recognize your "contribution" to the quarrel. Agree that you blamed your partner, said rudeness, or drew conclusions based on only part of the information. Admit that you emotionally shut down, flared up from scratch, took out stress on a partner or took it for granted. Take responsibility for your words and actions, but don't blame yourself.

   • Say, “I realize I did a lot of this to provoke our fight. I’ve been working late all this time and I’m under constant stress because of it, so I broke it off. into the fire".

6. Sorry. The ability to forgive gives a sense of freedom and allows us to let go of dissatisfaction or resentment. If you hold a grudge, then physical and emotional consequences are possible.

   • Forgiveness does not mean forgetting and pretending nothing happened. Forgiveness means letting go and moving on.

   Part 2

   Fix maladaptive behavior

   1. Avoid the cycle of demands and refusals. Demands and denials is a common pattern in relationships: one person brings up an issue (cleaning the house, finances, or childcare) and the other immediately shirks responsibility (crosses arms, immediately refuses to listen). If the nature of quarrels is constantly repeated, then learn how to prevent them for another early stage. For example, if rejection manifests itself in the form of crossed arms, then recognize this development and try to take a different approach. Offer to take a break and return to the conversation when you're ready to find a common ground.

      • If you notice this behavior, then say, "I don't want this conversation to go around in circles over and over again. Let's stop, think about the situation, and then continue."

   2. Express your feelings. Get rid of the habit of blaming everything on the person so that he does not feel the need to defend himself. The phrase "I'm sorry I never saw you at the party yesterday" sounds completely different from the words "Why didn't you come yesterday? Where were you?". Focus on yourself, not on the other person. Articulate and openly express your feelings. It may seem that blaming others is much more natural, but it is better to speak in the first person and express your own feelings.

      • For example, if you are angry, then instead of "I can't believe you did this, what a stupid and careless" it is better to say "It hurts me a lot, I just can't understand your actions."

   3. Develop self-control. Learn to control yourself when you want to explode, blame a person, or dwell on negative thoughts. Find ways to ease your negative emotions and control yourself. Practice mindfulness, notice the shift to negative thinking, learn to recognize hidden reasons behaviors and ways to release negative emotions.

      • If you notice a negative thought or emotion, then switch your attention to the body. Where exactly do you feel the negativity? Try to relax this part of the body. How does relaxation affect your thoughts and feelings?

   4. Change your behavior pattern. Sometimes it’s not the person who upsets us, but their behavior. It is better not to get hung up on who is "right" or "to blame", but to think about the nature of behavior. It may turn out that quarrels are often associated with a certain moment (before a visit to the parents) or situation (the day of payment for the apartment). Try not to be angry with the person, but to change the nature of behavior.

      • If you are fighting over dirty dishes, then say: "I noticed that we often quarrel over unwashed dishes. I'm tired of scandals. Can we try to solve the problem differently?"

   5. Recognize differences. Some things are simply impossible to accept, as well as agree on views on certain situations. Accept the differences between you without criticism or blame. Understand that you can love your partner despite all differences. There is no such person in the world who will agree with you in everything. Learn to discuss the motives behind specific differences and the impact on them. Understand and accept the fact that some things just can't be changed.

      • For example, you may have certain political views based on your upbringing, experiences, or beliefs. Explain this to your partner and let him express his opinion about the situation. Accept your partner despite all the differences between you.

You can use the powers of the mind to directly influence your relationships with others. The most common way to use them is to make these relationships more pleasant for people, dispelling all negative feelings or increasing cordiality, support, friendliness and love.

The basis of the process is to focus your mental energy on the other person while you mentally imagine the purpose of your relationship, and convey a mental message to the person about it.

This process takes place at 2 levels:

Firstly, helps you see your own attitude towards the person, and when you see each other again, you will interact with your desired goal in mind, which will influence the other person and make him react accordingly.

Secondly Since thoughts have energy, the person to whom you send this thought message will receive it on an internal psychic or mental level. Consciously he will not be aware of the message. But your mental transmission can push him or remind him to treat you the way you want.

One of common applications This method is preparation for a future meeting with a person. Also, some people use this method to send their thoughts to encourage someone to get in touch with them (business, love, etc.).

The following exercises will help you use the mind power technique to improve relationships. different ways. A message of love is a wonderful tool for overcoming angry feelings, feelings of resentment, misunderstandings, or to encourage a person to constantly treat you with warmth, friendliness and positiveness.

This will help get rid of any negative feelings and make you feel good. The one who seems far away will seem closer. If you and your colleague (partner, client, etc.) have a feeling of hatred, resentment towards each other, then your positive thoughts can radically change the situation, and when you see each other again, the conflict can be resolved.

Exercise. Message of love
Time: 3-5 minutes.

The exercise is to send a message of love in order to prepare the ground for a more successful meeting with a person.

Place a portrait of the person you are sending love to in front of you and imagine a glowing ball of love radiating from your heart. Send a ray of love from your heart to this person.

At the same time, say the word "love" to yourself again and again and send this word along with the beam. When this beam reaches its target, notice that this person begins to glow and radiate love back. Continue focusing on this image for a few minutes. Notice how it becomes more and more sparkling as you continue to send love.

Now imagine the next meeting with this person that you are looking forward to. Imagine the environment as vividly as possible. Pay attention to what surrounds you, imagine what this person is wearing, what he is doing, etc. Then, approaching him, continue to experience the same warm, friendly feelings and notice that the other person responds to you in the same way. If you used to feel anger and resentment towards each other, now everything is behind you.

After this first meeting, continue your conversation and notice that you have a good relationship. When you end the conversation, you feel complete satisfaction that you have achieved your goal.

Exercise. Building close relationships.
Time: 3-5 minutes.

One way to build a close relationship or encourage a person to connect with you is to use candles that symbolize you and the other person. Candles help you focus and amplify your message. This technique is often used when touching love relationship, but you can use it to set friendly relations and close rapport with the people you work with or intend to work with.

Do this practice for a few minutes every day for 7 days or until your message starts to take effect.

The following example uses candles as the object, which should represent you and the other person. To prepare, take two candles, one representing you and the other representing the person you want to get a reaction from. For example, red and blue candles, although any color will do.

On the first day of this exercise, place the candles at a distance of 30 cm from one another. On each following day when you do the exercises, place candles 5 cm closer friend to a friend until on the seventh day they touch.

After that, leave the candles so that they are in contact. Now light the candles and turn off all lights. Look in turn at one or the other candle for about a minute. Then close your eyes and imagine burning candles in your mind's eye. Imagine two lights coming together until they merge into one, now look at the bright yellow beam that emits fire.

Now grasp each candle with your hands and hold your hands in this position, imagining how the beam passes through space and time to the person who should make contact with you. Continue to hold these candles and concentrate on this image for about three minutes. Then carefully move the candles about an inch apart (or if they are already pushed together, squeeze them tighter).

While doing this, think: "We are getting closer to each other. Let him (she) come into contact with me (or be responsive to my desire to be with him)." Or express your feelings in other words.

Then, when you feel the message has been sent, extinguish the candles, return to your normal conscious state, and open your eyes. Leave the candles in the same position if you intend to repeat this exercise.

Do this exercise regularly for about a week and wait for your call to be answered. Keep a diary to note the days and the distance between the candles. Quite often, a person then makes contact. Otherwise, feel confident that your call will reach the goal, and start a relationship with this person yourself.