What to write to the person who offended you. Advice from wise women: how to explain to him that he is wrong

How to show your husband that he offended you?"You Hurt Me" Magazine "Home"

You quarreled with your husband. It's insulting, bitter, painful, and the soul yearns for revenge. But before you make plans for revenge, figure out if he really is the only one to blame for the quarrel. In fairness, it should be noted that this rarely happens: as a rule, both spouses add fuel to the fire. if you are still sure that you are right and at the same time suspect that your husband does not even know that he offended you, then the desire to demonstrate your offense (and at the same time rightness) becomes irresistible. How to do it in the most efficient way?

Method one: be silent. All the time. Only short remarks on the case are allowed. Pros: most effective way, insanely annoying opponent. Cons: Virtually non-existent. The likelihood that the husband will like it, and he will shut up himself, is negligible. Only at the same time it is very important to restrain yourself, not allowing chuckles or responses to the opponent's insults.

Method two: discuss everything calmly. Explain why you are unhappy and why. Ask next time to be more restrained, more tactful, etc. Plus: the most civilized way. Minus: it is very rare for both spouses to be able to competently conduct a conversation. At the same time, if you feel that your discussion is developing into another scandal, it is better to stop altogether.

The third method involves the creation of a "virtual admirer". You can order flowers for yourself with a card “from a stranger”. Or, when talking with a friend on the phone, sometimes lower your voice, pronounce verbs in a form that does not indicate the gender of the interlocutor. make up more carefully and dress for work. And so on - to the best of your imagination. Plus: a guarantee that the husband will be tormented by conjectures. Minus: what if he decides to take revenge without finding out anything ... Although in general this is possible only if you overdo it. The main thing is to never admit to your husband that it was a planned action, that you were talking with your girlfriend then, and the flowers were in the wrong apartment.

There is a fourth way: go to live with yourself (with your mother, girlfriend). If you cannot live without each other, then soon you will be together again, having completely forgotten all the grievances. Well, if you can ... But it also has a small drawback: most likely you will have to spend a couple sleepless nights pending phone call. Note: this method should not be abused, because. the husband will soon realize that you will return to him anyway. Yes, you can get a taste.

Method five: write a letter to your spouse. First, you avoid scandal. Secondly, take at the same time a course of the now popular “writing therapy”. And finally, you express everything that you have long wanted to express, while not risking hearing anything unpleasant in response. The disadvantage is that the written word is not the spoken word, your letter becomes a kind of compromising evidence on you. By the way, invite your husband to answer you in writing too - give him an extra chance to think about his behavior and “fix his position”.

Using the sixth method, go headlong into work. Education, training. Give your husband less attention. Pros: you get distracted from bad thoughts, and at the same time increase your intellectual (or some other) potential. Minus: the husband may not notice your step or - even sadder! - rejoice at him, devoting free time, say, computer games. If you still choose this option, take the time to prepare dinner (modest!), Because a hungry man is unlikely to understand your tactical move.

The seventh method: buy yourself a dress (earrings, a fur coat), and when asked by your husband, for what reason such expenses, answer that this is his gift to you. As an apology for the offense. Very cute option demonstrations of resentment: does an extra dress hurt you? Or maybe in the future he himself will continue the tradition founded by you? But, as always, there is a minus: it is quite possible that the husband will consider that an extra dress is an extra one. And one more thing: this method cannot be used if the financial situation in the family is shaken.

The ninth method: spit and forget (not a husband, but an insult). Plus: you save your nerves. Minus: the husband may decide that everything is permissible for him ... But you always have the opportunity to show that this is not so (see above). Is not it?!

What are the causes of resentment, jealousy and misunderstanding in the family? The reasons can be very different. The most common of these is trouble at work or in life. Perhaps your loved one this moment very bad, he is depressed or has happened violent quarrel with friends. Another reason is that he lacks attention and affection. Perhaps you often speak to him in Lately that "he is a bad lover" or "brings little money into the house"? Most often, women themselves press the “release button”, thereby not noticing anything.

How can I explain to my husband that he offended me?

This is the question many women ask. Try to please him with something after a hard day at work. And no matter what it will be - romantic dinner or unexpected gift. Perhaps he is tired of everything that is happening and is waiting for your support? You will answer that you are not obliged to respond with affection to constant insults. But, you are definitely wrong. Now your task is to follow his behavior. After what actions or phrases does he behave normally?

But on the other hand, you have to understand yourself. This is important in order to create an idyll in own family. Drop your negative feelings. Now you must learn to think clearly.

How to respond to the insults of her husband?

To do this, you need to conduct a few simple but important experiments:

First experiment. He offends you, and you continue to observe his actions and remain silent, while repeating to yourself that everything will work out. First of all, you must believe in the best, namely, that he will change.
Do not return evil for evil! No need to yell and insult him back. It is best to ask him if you understood correctly that you are a bad housewife or mother? Be sure that these words will lead him to a dead end!
In no case do not provoke a man to a quarrel. The more often and more you provoke him, the less chance in order to create family idyll. Try to find out what exactly makes him angry. Perhaps any requests or orders annoy him. For example, a request to "give me money" may hint to him that he earns little. A woman should be cunning, and this is not a humiliation at all. Instead of dryly asking him for money, say this: “Darling, this month I don’t have enough money, as our child is often sick, and I need to buy more pills for him. Could you give me some money?"
No matter how much people love each other, they will always quarrel, because everyone has different characters. And it is simply impossible to live without quarrels. Just be more affectionate and gentle with your husband. Sometimes they just do not have enough support and attention.

In conclusion, I would like to note that you do not need to expect reciprocity from a man right away. You will have to wait a while for him to understand you. Patience to you!

Unfortunately, sometimes the words and actions of others can hurt our feelings. If a man hurt you, you may be worried about how to tell him how you feel. If you want to tell a man that he offended you, prepare well for the upcoming conversation. Take enough time to reflect on unpleasant situation and think about how to express your feelings. Then schedule a conversation. Do everything possible on your part to minimize the likelihood of a recurrence of an unpleasant situation in the future. Helpful Hints you will find in this article.

Steps

Decide how to act

Take time to analyze your feelings. Perhaps you want to tell the man as quickly as possible that he offended you. However, take your time. Reflect on the situation and how you are feeling. Isn't this the first time this situation has happened? Perhaps you overreacted to his words or actions? Take enough time to reflect on the situation and your feelings.

Consider his point of view. Take time to reflect on the man's point of view and the reason for his action. Sometimes people can offend by accident, and in some cases they do it on purpose. In addition, very often our actions are influenced by the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Therefore, analyze the life of the person who offended you.

Do not worry that trying to understand his point of view may lead to justification of his behavior. Thanks to this, you can only understand his point of view better.

Take care of your emotional needs. If your feelings have been hurt recently, allow enough time to deal with the pain. Thanks to this, you will be able to remain calm and sensibly assess the situation. So take care of yourself.
- A relaxing bath, replenishment of the diet can help you with this. nutrients, keeping a diary, chatting with friends or just spending time on a comfortable sofa in a relaxed atmosphere.
Get a second (and third) opinion. Once the feelings subside, tell a family member or friend you trust about what happened. Tell these people what happened. Then listen to their opinion.
- How do they assess the current situation? Do they react the same way? They may either agree with your reaction or say that you overreacted to the situation. Thanks to this, you will be able to look at the situation differently.
- Find out the opinion of people who treat you without prejudice and can objectively assess the situation.
Be reasonable in anticipating the person's reaction to your words. Think about how a man might react to the words that he offended you. Remember previous situations and his reaction to your words.
- Remember if he behaved like a victim or denied everything and said that he did not offend you? Did he sincerely apologize? Think about how he reacted earlier. Thanks to this, you will be reasonable in your expectations and will be able to calmly discuss the problem that has arisen.
- Also think about what you want to achieve by resolving the conflict. Do you want to hear the words of apology or expect changes from him? Be reasonable in your expectations.
Determine if it's worth the effort. Think about what you expect in the end and compare it with what the reaction of a man might be. Will your needs be met if you go into conflict with this person? Is it worth sharing your feelings or will it not bring results?

Be direct and honest. When talking to a man, be honest and straightforward. Don't try to downplay the problem. In addition, there is no need to beat around the bush, go straight to the heart of the problem.
- For example, you could say, “It really hurts me that you forgot my birthday last week. I felt that I wasn't very important to you."
Speak in a calm, gentle voice. Make sure that your voice is not too dramatic or overly emotional. A man should take your words seriously, so avoid getting too emotional. Instead, stay calm and you will be able to achieve the desired result.
Use the pronoun "I". If you are in dialogue with a person, do everything possible so that he does not have the need to defend himself from you. You can achieve this by avoiding moralizing and talking about your feelings. The pronoun "I" can help you with this.
- The pronoun "I" in this case shows that you take responsibility for your feelings: "I was very hurt when you forgot about my birthday last week."
- On the other hand, using the pronoun "you" your opponent will feel that you are attacking him: "You don't care about me! You forgot my birthday!"
Lead concrete examples. Don't be vague about what you don't like and what offends you. It's hard to understand a person when it doesn't touch your feelings. Therefore, if you want a man to understand you, give specific examples.
- Avoid statements such as: "You always leave me alone with the problem." Rather say: “I was very upset when you left, and I had to solve the problem with Nikolai myself. You did the same last week."
Give him a chance to answer. After you state the essence of the problem, give the man the opportunity to express his point of view. Let him express what he thinks about this. Don't interrupt, even if you don't agree with him.
- Learn to actively listen. Thanks to this, you will get a complete picture of what the man thinks about the current situation. His words will show you what to do next.
- For example, he may apologize and ask what changes you expect from him in the future. On the other hand, he may become defensive, citing a busy schedule or stress in case he forgot your birthday.
Tell the man that you expect him to change. If you want to continue the relationship, you can say that you are waiting for changes from him. State your vision of the current situation, and show what needs to be done in order for your relationship to continue.
- For example, you could say, “I really love the holidays and I want you to respect my point of view. I will be grateful to you if you mark birthdays and anniversaries in your calendar. That way you won't forget about them."
- This method is more effective than just complaining about how you feel. Give concrete examples of what changes you expect and how to achieve them.

What to do if the husband offends? If grievances arise systematically, and completely undeservedly. When the relationship is on bouquet and candy stage, we do not notice many shortcomings of our chosen one. During this period, everything seems to be in pink.

But after a while, when family life, some negative character traits begin to manifest themselves too actively. And then the question arises - why I did not notice this before, and how to deal with it now.

Why a man offends a woman, what to do to get rid of constant attacks against him, especially if they are undeserved. This issue should be examined in more detail.

So, consider the main causes of constant resentment and humiliation by the spouse.

Why does he offend me?

If your husband offends you, then there can and should be certain reasons for this. This behavior can be explained by the fact that there is a gradual fading of feelings in relation to the previously beloved wife. Everyday worries, routine - all this absorbs the initial passion over time.

Therefore, the husband may appear more and more more claims and accusations against his beloved. He may begin to offend, express dissatisfaction on various occasions. Also, a man can insult, humiliate all the time.

He may not like the changed appearance of his wife, for example, her figure after childbirth has not changed in better side. And this becomes a reason for constant ridicule, which a girl can be seriously offended by. But there may be other reasons for nit-picking and resentment.

If a man offends, the reason may be her husband's mistress. Constant nit-picking begins, a man insults, often even without an obvious reason, tries to provoke a conflict, spoil the mood. With such an attitude, constant harassment of his wife, he can achieve that she herself wants to leave.

They will also single out a category of women who themselves allow themselves to be treated this way, not responding properly to insults. Often such a family consists of an inconspicuous wife and a bright handsome husband.

Another reason that he treats badly is dependence on him. Usually such women try not to show a reaction to such an attitude and insults, silently endure. Also, the provoking factor that he allows himself to treat his wife this way is the disgust that has arisen.

Time has passed, the wife has changed markedly. This is no longer the young slender girl he once fell in love with. And this provokes a subconscious disgust, which he tries to splash out towards his wife.

The constant control of a woman over her husband can cause constant nit-picking and insults. If she regularly calls, tries to control every step, does not hesitate to check correspondence and calls, tortures him with stupid questions that seem too suspicious to her. At first, the husband may simply be offended by such an attitude, but after a while the offended spouse begins to react differently. And here insults and humiliations will come into play.

Why is he humiliating me? To the main reasons bad attitude include:

Woman on the side.
Loss of respect. For example, if grooming stops, she becomes grouchy, quarrelsome, always dissatisfied, uninteresting. In this case, it appears severe irritation from her husband, which pours out all the time in reproaches and nit-picking.
Husband's low self-esteem. In this case, he tries to increase it by humiliating the weak.
If the spouse herself allows this attitude, without reacting, without expressing dissatisfaction.
Total control of the second half, which can make life together full of mutual reproaches and insults.

What to do?

What should I do if my husband offended me and continues to do it all the time? If the attitude was different before, you should definitely find out the reason for the change. Regardless of what reason has become a provocateur of this situation, the recommendations of psychologists are to prevent the husband from repeating this. It is important to eliminate the cause of the negative.

Of course, if this is a mistress, it will be difficult to make a decision. But the whole period of his affair is accompanied by negative attitude. Is it worth it to be together, constantly suffering. There must be a choice here. And if it is done in your favor, you should talk about further relationships.

If the reason lies in you, in changes in appearance or figure, of course, you can pull yourself together, become slim and attractive again. But think about it, if a husband cannot accept you for who you are, there is a high probability that he will again look for a reason to humiliate and insult you.

How to behave with constant insults?

It is important to return the former romance and passion to the relationship. There are many options that come into play here. You can take a walk together in those places that remind you of your acquaintance, wedding, etc. significant events in married life.

Usually walks in such places cause a feeling of nostalgia, sentimentality. This will provide a rest for some time from mutual reproaches and nit-picking, the husband will probably not communicate in a humiliating tone for some time.

Watch the video from the wedding. Laugh at incidents together, remember how it all started for you, you were happy. Then you can safely translate the conversation in a slightly different direction. Just talk heart to heart, ask about the reason for the changed behavior.

Tell your husband that you are uncomfortable or even hurt by hurtful words. That, offended by a trifle, he does not notice the negative on his part. Show that you are the same woman whom he chose as his wife, whom he fell in love with and decided to tie his life. Possibly after frank conversation he will feel shame from such behavior and hurtful words.

If a man experiences permanent complexes, his behavior often does not change, no matter how hard his wife tries. In this case, you need to contact a specialist. This behavior is dictated by the fact that at the expense of his wife, a man is trying to increase self-confidence, to rise. And help, alas, is difficult.

You should not stoop to answering the same, insulting, humiliating. It is important to try to solve the problem together. Otherwise, otherwise, constant insults and humiliation may end in assault, and this should not be allowed.

Shouldn't be done family problems with those around you. You can’t constantly complain about your husband to those people whom you doubt. It won't lead to anything good. The spouse finds out about the complaints, the relationship will be ruined for a long time.

If you can't change behavior

All of the above recommendations will bring success only if the man also wants to save his family and work on himself. If he does not want to change anything in himself, continuing to bend his own, you should not regret the years you have lived together. You can't allow yourself to be treated like that.

A temporary separation will help both of you understand how important family is. The spouse will be able to think about his behavior, to understand whether he wants to live with you or not. If a temporary separation does not change anything in the relationship, the behavior does not change, there is no point in continuing the relationship.

How to answer him?

Is it worth it to endure hurtful words? You should not allow even once to speak badly about you, especially if there are no reasons for this. Fatigue, irritability are not reasons for such behavior. You just need to say something like this: “please don’t talk to me like that, it’s unpleasant / insulting / painful for me.”

Regardless of what reason caused the rudeness, it is important to talk, to speak out your feelings, grievances, emotions. It must also be said that you are ready to change if he changes his behavior. If he does not want to hear anything, continuing to speak inadequately and treats badly, it is worth considering whether such a person is needed, whether he can bring happiness.

Do not be silent. A conversation can change everything. In any case, you will find out the reason for rudeness, you will understand whether something can be changed.

In almost all cases, both partners are to blame for the quarrel. But what should a woman do if her beloved is still to blame, if he offended her and did not take into account her feelings? In such cases, a woman, as a rule, begins to get annoyed and angry, waiting for an apology and explanation. Psychologists say that women can behave like this for a long time, since they are much more vindictive than men. No matter how much a woman revels in the state of being offended and unhappy, she needs to get out of it in time.

A woman needs to remember that the more she shows her character to a man, the more she makes him angry. After all, he believes that for his part he will do everything possible - he apologized, gave flowers and said that this would not happen again. When such an initiative on the part of a man is rejected, he may be offended and now the woman will have to beg him for forgiveness. Women in such cases, it is better to be more lenient.

Not very lucky for those ladies whose men are never and under no circumstances the first to apologize, even if they are clearly wrong. In such cases, a woman needs to declare a truce, taking into account her interests. It is important to tell the partner that the woman is upset by the quarrel, but she cannot hold a grudge and does not want the relationship to deteriorate from this. This will make your partner happy. Indeed, in the depths of his soul he feels guilty, he simply does not show it. It is necessary to delicately explain to the man why the woman was offended. The fact is that the psychology of men is arranged differently than that of women. What seems like an unacceptable nightmare for ladies is a trifle for the stronger sex.

It will be useful to say that the beloved tried to put himself in the place of a woman. Such a phrase will be neutral and will not cause rejection. In addition, when a man sees the situation through the eyes of his beloved, he will not be so categorically convinced that he is right.

You should never throw tantrums. Men treat women's tears differently. Some may be touched, others may be infuriated. If a man is a tear-hater, it is unlikely that sobs will achieve anything.

Complaints of feeling unwell due to the behavior of a man are a forbidden technique. When he hears this, he will most likely be frightened. Twice such blackmail does not pass. If the next time a woman really becomes ill, then her partner is unlikely to be able to believe her.

A woman always needs to criticize not the personality of her companion, but his actions. Claims must be made with as much detail as possible.

May your reconciliation be sweet and teach you a lot!