Dating an Ex: Does the Relationship Have a Chance? Relationship with an ex-girlfriend

What to do if an ex-boyfriend offers to meet? Agree to a date or immediately refuse? In order to correctly approach the solution of the problem, the girl should remember how the relationship developed, and is there any hope for their fruitfulness in the future?

Should a girl date an ex-boyfriend: 6 pros

It is best to put a piece of paper in front of you and try to formulate pros and cons. The undoubted "pros" include:

• Despite the breakup, the girl still feels for the young man tender feelings. Alas, but worthy replacement the former gentleman was not found. All other contenders were a cut below. Surely, thoughts have come to you more than once that the separation was a mistake and the best partner no longer found. Moreover, the mere thought of him is breathtaking and “goosebumps” begin to run over the skin;
• This guy is the only candidate. For some reason, it is not possible to arrange a personal life. Perhaps it will be possible to try on its shortcomings and build really strong relationship. Who knows, a person could have realized his own mistakes during this time and is now sincerely trying to correct the situation, treating the ex-girlfriend with tender awe;
• The person does not cause much excitement, but general acquaintances and good relations his parents bring back fond memories. Maybe you should come to terms with the loss of an imaginary "prince", and renew contact with the former gentleman for the sake of creating a family? Knowing all its advantages and disadvantages, you can build a reliable relationship in which there will be no scandals guaranteed, since the partners have already perfectly studied each other;
• should not be excluded and mercantile interest. If during the breakup with a guy he managed to succeed, the desire to increase his status can be overwhelming. For many girls, this factor is decisive. Especially if it was the girl who initiated the breakup, in particular, due to the lack of funds from her lover;
• The girl is well aware of the guy's shortcomings, but she is sure that now she can correct most of them. After all, past relationships made her an "expert" in the psychology of this particular individual, and it will be much easier to re-educate him. Skillfully correcting behavior young man and gradually changing his habits, you can bring up a model almost perfect for life together;
• Just in this moment lack of a friendly shoulder. The young man offers to meet, why not go on a date? It is still unknown, maybe it does not imply further development, but just the guy also needs to find a person to whom he can open his soul? It is much easier to do this in the company of someone who is well aware of the problems and shortcomings of the former half.

To meet with ex-boyfriend You can just to maintain friendly relations. If not everything worked out in a joint life, it does not mean that people should completely stop communicating. Maybe they didn't make it perfect lovers but they can be real friends.

Is it worth dating: 6 "against"

What can adversely affect the decision to meet with a former gentleman? There are 6 reasons:

• Memories do not make a positive impression. To a greater extent, the girl experienced from these relationships negative emotions. Is it worth repeating past mistakes, hoping that this time everything will go differently? As the old saying goes, the hunchbacked grave will fix it. If earlier it was not possible to influence his habits and manners, where is the guarantee that it will turn out now?
• Often, relationships in a couple go to “no” due to the intervention of relatives. If earlier parents young man did not show delight at the sight of his chosen one, one should not hope that over time their positions have undergone cardinal changes. In this case, the resumption of relations will lead to a new round of negativity and, most likely, will quickly fade away again. You should not expect decisiveness from a person who once did not justify trust.
• The relationship developed perfectly until the girl found out that the now ex-boyfriend was dating her girlfriend. To forgive the fact of betrayal is quite difficult, even if it happened several years ago. The young man claims that he fully realized his mistake? Of course, you can believe sweet speeches, but the heavy sediment will not go anywhere. In addition, the girl will begin to be suspicious of all her acquaintances, subconsciously expecting that the gentleman will start new novel with a friend.
• The girl wants to continue the meetings, but she really realizes that she cannot correct the shortcomings of the young man, nor can she put up with them. Therefore, an attempt to renew the relationship will lead to a waste of time.
• If an ex-boyfriend wants to meet, this does not mean at all that he considers the situation as a new round in a relationship. It is possible that he simply has no one to spend this evening with. Of all the suitable candidates, for some reason, an old attachment came to mind.
• It is also possible that such a situation currently The girl started dating a friend of her ex-boyfriend. Upon learning of this, the vengeful young man decided to destroy the couple. Perhaps he has such a harmful character, or he is an owner by nature and believes that the passion with which he has already parted should still not “go to” a friend. Or maybe just afraid of parting with a friend?

We make a decision

Once upon a time, Roman philosophers argued that it was impossible to enter the same river twice. This statement is quite applicable to such life situation. You can’t start dating a former boyfriend again, as if there had never been disagreements and parting. But on the other hand, life flowed like water and could lead to some changes in a person. Maybe take a second chance?

Answer this question each girl must own. The advice of friends in this case will not help, because they are not familiar with all the vicissitudes of a seemingly completed novel. If a girl meets with an ex, then there is hope for a fruitful relationship.

Over time, most people who break up rethink the reasons for the breakup, which no longer seem so important to them. And you may want to date your ex again. This state occurs, first of all, when there are no new relationships, or when these relationships do not "capture with their heads." So, they are an attempt to fill the spiritual emptiness that has arisen, which each person fills in his own way. Someone begins to lead a wild life, regularly changing sexual, empty bottles to full ones, filling and emptying the refrigerator. Someone wants to renew the relationship and start dating again.

10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date Your Ex-Partners:

Reason 1. A difficult test for the psyche. There is an immersion in the past, instead of worrying about the future. Memories are activated and, as a result, a nagging feeling of sadness and spiritual discomfort.

Reason 2: Meetings bring hope. Moreover, this hope makes personal life closed to other relationships.

Reason 3. Feeling of shame. Dating can be unpleasant if your behavior was, let's say, ambiguous and parting was accompanied by a whole bunch of not yourself better behavior. So, there will be a feeling of shame. If as a result you are ripe for an apology, great. But more often there may be a desire to find the reasons for parting in a partner.

Reason 4. Deterioration personal relationships. You can even more spoil the relationship with your ex because of the "tails". It's no secret that sometimes a breakup passes quickly enough, and former partners do not have time to express negative attitude each other and pour out the accumulated grievances.

Reason 5. Loss of control over the situation and the resumption of relationships that are no longer needed, due to a sense of duty. The appearance of guilt in a man, which a woman can easily create if there are children together. “So you left, and they all ask where dad is.” It’s good if this feeling is directed to helping children, and not “returning” to the family, if you don’t want to.

Reason 6. Guilt. The woman herself may have a sense of guilt in front of the children, which deprived them of their father. As a result of meeting with him after parting, there are incorrect models of raising children, with the need to compensate for the absent parent for them.

Reason 7. Inappropriate behavior. An attempt to prove that the former partner has lost "his happiness" can cause behavior that is unusual for a person and requires considerable effort from him.

Reason 8. An ex out of jealousy can begin to harm the very possibility of a new relationship - telling others about your features, selecting far from the best character traits for information and discussion.

Reason 9: Sexual use. For men, the opportunity to date former women- the ability to have sex without special efforts. Yes, and for women too.

Reason 10. Others perceive as weak man, which the former partner only needs to beckon with his finger.

The 10 reasons listed are, of course, not the only reasons not to date your ex. There are other reasons as well.

And, of course, there are reasons to renew the relationship.

Photo: flickr.com; by thompsonwood

People are not arranged as simply as they themselves sometimes would like. It happens that you broke up with the full knowledge that these relationships were superfluous in your life. Or maybe you broke away from a person “with pain and blood” and worried for a long time. Now everything is in order with you, however, sometimes you still remember your former love, and your soul becomes somehow anxious. But you don't live in the past. You new partner with whom you are comfortable with. Love and mutual respect solid foundation on which you build your new relationship.

However, you are well aware that feelings for a former partner have not completely gone. Despite the fact that you love your current life and do not want to return to the past, it still attracts and addictive. “I’ll just look at him (or at her), and that’s it,” is how you persuade yourself. But deep down you know how it ends. Old feelings won't come back. Relationships with someone from the past can never be rebuilt. But destroying new ones in a sudden impulse is easy. Or you will hold back, really enjoy one meeting, but the meeting will cost you dearly. You will unravel something that has just begun to heal.

Better not to meet former love if you are not sure that you have no feelings left for this person.

When can you date your ex?

You understand very well that you cannot step into the same river twice. You have changed and so has this person. Both you and your ex-partner personal life worked out well, are you both married or have strong happy relationship. It is possible that in the past you were connected, more by friendly feelings than by true passion. You were interesting and fun together.

In this case, the meeting may go well if you can find mutual language and talk without remembering the past.

Psychologists recommend meeting with a former partner only for those people who do not hold grudges and are not fascinated by the past.

A lot depends on your character.

There are people who have a talent for being friends with their exes. They sometimes even manage to accomplish what others consider a miracle: to gather several of their own at one table. former partners and one real one, and at the same time have a great time, being sure that everyone present is sincerely having fun. If you know how to be friends, if you have forgotten past grievances and feelings that covered you, then meeting with a former love can be the beginning of a new great friendship.

Does the relationship have a chance?

Most women often wonder: is it worth dating an ex-boyfriend and rekindling forgotten feelings? Maybe the separation was a big life mistake and now everything will be fine with us.

If you are the initiator of the breakup

If you ran away on occasion depending on him (he abused alcohol, often went “to the left”), then first take a closer look at him. Soberly realize whether he himself has changed, changed his way of life.

If for some reason everything remains the same, then decide: step on the same rake a second time? After all, this reason will again lead to a break, and you will add emotional trauma to yourself.

When the reason lies in you, for example, another man turned his head, and then you realized that he did not suit you. If feelings for the past man have not faded, then think about meeting, especially if the guy feels something for you, and he can forgive you.

If he provoked separation

The most important thing is to know exactly why. If you are the culprit, then it is possible to meet with a young man after you are 100% sure that you will not do this again. Otherwise, it makes no sense to waste your and his time.

If the gap occurred due to some of his beliefs without the presence of guilt on your part, then first of all pay attention to changes in his temperament. If everything is the same, then do not think about reconciliation, it will not be long.

Meeting with him

Your life has changed, and you yourself have changed. The same thing happened to him. You two have improved your personal life. Maybe you realized that you used to be tied up friendly relations and not a love affair.

In this situation, the meeting can go perfectly, if you do not stir up past feelings. Chat on abstract topics. From the point of view of psychology, you can meet with your former partner when the offense has passed and you do not live in the past.

When to avoid meeting

Man is arranged in such a way that the past always has a place in his memory. And no matter how you broke up, it will remind you. Now you have a new gentleman, you feel good together. Love is the basis of a new life, but sometimes thoughts about the past come to mind, and the soul becomes sad.

You enjoy your current relationship, but the past beckons you. You promise yourself that you will only look at him with one eye. But you know how it could end.

Old relationships are almost impossible to renew, and new ones are easy to destroy. Here it is better to overcome your desires. Walking with an ex can open up old wounds and nothing will work out. Discard this idea if you have any feelings for your partner.

Listen to your heart and mind, only they can give the right answer. After all, there was separation once, where you have a guarantee that this will not happen again. Understand if there is love for the former or it has dried up.

You agree to re-experience the same pain, disappointment and resentment. No matter how much you love him, whoever led him to say goodbye, look around you.

There are many in the world wonderful people and you just don't notice them, not giving them a chance to make you happy. And if you try, trust, then you will definitely see, learn, make sure.

There are situations in which it is better not to fall into never. Not to end up on the Titanic when the first and second compartments are already filled with water, not to choose who you love more - mom or dad - and not to fall in love with a friend's ex-boyfriend.

And if in the case of the Titanic it is obvious which outcome will be positive, mom and dad can be loved equally (and send those who ask to hell), then everything is bad with the ex-girlfriend. Because, no matter how you act, most likely you will be wrong, because you will come out dry from muddy water this story is almost impossible. But it's worth a try. We tell you how.

How do girls feel about their exes?

First, let's deal with the moral and ethical side. Everything is simple here: to twist novels with ex girlfriends bad, and for such people boilers are already boiling in hell. Dot. You can’t divide by zero, leave the restaurant without paying, steal silver spoons at a party and sleep with this Valera. Even if they broke up a long time ago, and perhaps she has already found herself a new boyfriend. Even if, after a glass of martini, she does not reach for the phone and does not indulge in memories of him, but bursts out laughing and accepts invitations to dance from unfamiliar Italians from the next table. She just won't care at all.

How serious is it?

The answer to this question will determine the entire further strategy and your actions in relation to this guy: did you seriously fall in love or is this a temporary clouding of your mind? If in doubt, then most likely the second. So do not shame your gray hairs, calm down and wait for the love to pass. An affair with a guy - even a very nice one! - it’s not worth several years of friendship with a woman with whom you went through fire, water and a concert of the Hands Up! in 2001.

Second no less important question Q: What does he think about this? If he is used to the fact that you are “that red-haired Irkina”, then you are a friend for him, with whom you can change clothes, that is, an asexual object. But people don't always have sex just for Great love. There can be a lot of reasons for sex: from a slight hobby to an excess of ppm at a party and “something rolled up”. So you and him may have slept, and after that he is still not in love with you. The strategy remains the same: sit and wait for it to pass, but do not dare to complain to a friend about broken heart. "Your ex is indifferent to me, it's terrible" - just think about how it sounds. You made a decision not to continue this relationship - so stick to it, without devoting a friend to the details.

What if it's love?

So, a hopeless situation. You are really in love with him, you have been looking for this all your life, you are made for each other, and, worst of all, he is in solidarity with you.

Perhaps this is the only situation of all possible when the code of friendship can be violated: you can’t command your heart. But we must be aware that friendship from this will almost certainly be shaken. Perhaps after a while everything will work out, and you will again be inseparable, but you should not count on it from the very beginning (although anything can happen). There is one obvious taboo: if a friend finds out about this affair from someone else, the chances of reconciliation tend to zero.

No one is to blame, but what to do?

You started an affair with her ex, but you don’t want to lose your girlfriend - which is logical, but difficult to implement. However, to maintain, if not friendship, then a good relationship and mutual respect is possible if you follow a few rules.

Don't gossip

The temptation to discuss with a friend a new guy or with a guy - the behavior of a friend is very great. But never forget who they are to each other. She is unlikely to be pleased to listen to the details of your relationship with him. intimate life, and to him - that you and her now have something to discuss.

Don't get paranoid

Do they still have feelings? This doesn't happen quickly! Why did he decide to date me? Probably only because we are similar to her, we are always called sisters. Set aside. Your relationship is a completely different story, and no two are the same. Don't let doubt ruin everything. Indeed, in this situation, the stakes are doubled: you will be overly jealous and suspect - you risk losing not only your boyfriend, but also your girlfriend.

Don't force things

The friend herself probably has not yet decided how to relate to this situation. Don't pressure her or be offended if she doesn't want to go to a party where both of you will be. It may be embarrassing for her to look at you as a couple. But there are still mutual friends who will watch with curiosity how the three of you will behave, and, God forbid, ask questions. It is logical if she does not want about anything from this list yet.

Don't impose

Do not attack her like a kite on Facebook chat, telling her how you miss her and want you to be friends "like before." There is no “as before”, because the situation has already changed 180 degrees. All you can do is be honest, don't push for pity, and don't speculate on the memories of how wonderful you were before you met her ex. Now she needs time to digest this story and understand how she feels and how she relates to all this. Give it to her - and, perhaps, in the end, a friend will remain in your life.